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The click of his window's lock is what gets him to move out of bed where Lodi has been burning a hole in his apartment's ceiling for the past 3 hours instead of sleeping. Sleep has become… a complicated process for him since becoming The Emissary, when he's alone he feels just how stretched over time he is, and when he's asleep he's forced to explore time and the agenda paracausal entities have forced onto it.
He leaves his room, pistol in hand, silently moving towards the window by his kitchen. The apartment in The Last City Ikora managed for him isn't very large, but it's cozy and very easy to map out all the possible entry points. The pistol in his hand feels overkill, the population of The City has an unbelievingly low crime rate and any intruder would either be woefully harmless to how he is now, or through some unfortunate luck he muses, would be way too big a problem for his humble handheld. Still, old habits die hard.
He hides around the corner, back pressed close to the wall as he listening to his window slide up and the frame creak under weight. Immediately rounds the corner, gun raised in warning, finger safely off the trigger and freezing as he recognizes the individual before him.
"Guardian?" He stammers, "Wha-Why are you climbing through my kitchen window?" Lodi arms fall to the side, placing the pistol on the counter beside him as the tension deflates throughout his body.
The Guardian is frozen in place, probably staring dumbly at Lodi behind their mask as his reaction. They're dress significantly more casual than Lodi's ever seen them. He's seen them in a few variations of Armour, usually following a theme with some. very specific choice of colours, but never like this. The Guardian is wearing a hoodie and sweats pants, they still have the weapons strapped onto them but even then the holders are more casual. The only piece of proper armour they have donned is their helmet and arms. Their shoes are simple sneakers, Lodi didn't even know they had sneakers here in the significant future.
"Uh," is all The Guardian can manage before their ghost pipes up.
"Lodi," it's tone awkward, "What are you doing up at this time?"
Lodi barely stops a tired sigh from escaping. "You know, I could ask you two the same thing. What are you doing here? Wait—How did you find out I live here?"
"Ikora," The Guardian and their ghost say in unison. Of course.
"Okay well that's one question answered," Lodi raises a hand to rub at his eye—wait, did he forget to grab his glasses. It then occurs to the man that's not the only thing he forgot. "Oh crap, hold onto that thought let me uh, go find a shirt to put on real quick."
Walking back into his room he looks across the floor for a decent shirt to wear, grimacing at the mess. Usually he's much better at managing his belongings but it's been… well it's been something the past couple days. He plucks his glasses off the bedside table and picks up a white long-sleeve button, doing up most of the buttons, and rolling up the sleeves on the way back out towards the kitchen where he assumes The Guardian still is. Lodi did consider grabbing a pair of pants instead of just walking back out in his black briefs but this is his home and if The Guardian wants to complain then they should've called ahead.
His assumption is proven right when he turns the corner to see The Guardian hasn't moved a muscle on the windowsill, for a god slayer Lodi can't help but find his friend to be immensely endearing sometimes. If a little weird.
"Okay, do you by any chance want to vacate the window or is that where you want to stay?" The question kickstarts their brain and The Guardian sheepishly finishes climbing through the window, closing it with a click of the lock. God, they're so weirdly cute.
"Uh," They start now standing awkwardly in the kitchen, "Sorry, didn't mean to intrude just… you said at night if I couldn't sleep I could come over…"
Lodi feels his chest tighten, "Well I had specifically said you could call me if you couldn't sleep, not that I don't appreciate your company, Guardian, but climbing through a guy's window unannounced might make him think it's not his friend popping in for a visit." He can't help but chuckle a bit.
"Yeah, we're getting that now," their ghost beeps.
"Well make yourself at home, have a seat, I'll make us some tea." Lodi smiles. The Guardian seems to relax at that and their ghost disappears to, well wherever it is it goes when it's not floating beside them. Lodi moves about the kitchen with a familiar ease, he hears The Guardian wander into the living room as he grabs two large mugs from the cupboard. Reaching over to his assortment of teas, he pauses.
"Hey buddy, what kind of tea do you like?" He calls over his shoulder.
"Anything you have that's sweet!"
Okay, sweet. Lodi can't say he fully understands many of the tea flavours he'd be gifted by Osiris, some are recognizable like cinnamon, and peppermint, but many of them are still nonsense to him. He grabs one he'd tried recently that had reminded him of Fanta, the colour was very similar too, it'd not been his favourite but it had been very sweet.
Grabbing a bag of herbal blend for himself, Lodi begins making them a lovely nightcap. By the time he enters the living room to hand The Guardian their drink, he sees they've really sunken into his couch and removed what little armour the had on placing it on the floor beside them. They jolt a little at Lodi's presence but have a content expression on their face when accepting their tea.
Lodi looks to the seating arrangement of the room. There's a recliner in front of The Guardian he could sit in, would probably be more appropriate given he's just in a shirt and undies, but against his better judgment he chooses to sit beside them. The Guardian shuffles over subconsciously as they take a sip of their beverage. Smile growing larger as they take in the flavour.
"Oh that's perfect," They sigh, "Did you get this from Osiris?"
Lodi is a little surprised by the guess, "I uh, yeah actually. After Saint introduced us he'd given me a welcome gift." The Guardian smiled.
"Did Saint tell him to get you a gift?"
"Yep, he emphasised that point immediately before handing it to me," Lodi laughed.
"That's Saint and Osiris for you," The Guardian laughed softly, "Osiris used to be such an ass but Saint’s good for him."
Lodi blushes, "Oh I didn't realise…"
"What? They're as obvious as a cursed thrall but then again, that's to anyone who knows anything about them… I guess you've got some catching up to do so don't feel too bad if you missed it initially"
The times here in the future are really so different to Lodi's own, in the best way possible of course, but there's still something in his mind that registers as, not discomfort, he personally never had a problem with homosexuality—it wasn't his business— maybe flustered? Is that the right word? The Guardian spoke so casually about them and if Lodi were to guess it's very likely the whole City would as well. It makes sense with how accepting the people have been—wait, do they even have words for it anymore?
He's getting sidetracked.
"Ah well," Lodi coughs, "I have only met Saint twice and Osiris once, so" he trails off praying to God The Guardian isn't finding his behaviour too weird.
"Well Osiris has great taste in tea," The Guardian thankfully moves on without a second thought, "And you guessed well! I'm a little picky with tea myself, but I love this flavour." Lodi files that detail away for later.
"I'm glad, I'm still learning the lay of the land here so I'll take lucky guesses as victories," Lodi smiles at The Guardian but then switches to a look more compassionate, "So care to tell what's got you climbing through my window in the middle of the night."
The Guardian grimaces a little, leaning forward on their knees, "I'm sorry again, I should've called instead. You shared with me sleep can be tricky for you and I should've considered that in case you were actually resting well tonight…" Oh, Lodi's chest tightens again.
"Do you think my reaction time suggested I was resting Guardian?" He assures them.
"I suppose not," They seem partially convinced.
Lodi places his tea on the coffee table and moves to turn his body towards the Guardian, "Hey look I've just been giving you crap, a call would've been nice but your physically being here is way better, hand on my heart. It's… easier to focus on being present while it's so quiet, you make it easier to stay in the now."
The Guardian leans back into the couch, head turned towards Lodi with a small smile, "That's good to hear because… the reason why I climbed through your window was not only because I was having a night but, also because I wanted to make sure you were okay too."
Jesus Christ they're gonna kill him, Lodi thinks.
He'll admit he's being a bit more forward than he would've been back home, maybe a little too desperate with wanting to connect with the people of the now, but he can't help it. He'd been thrown into a time way past his own and become something resembling that of the human he used to be. He's stretched across moments that often leave him grasping for any sort of foot hold with memories of the long dead. Lodi did choose to be The Emissary, an Ambassador, in the end but he's terrified of losing what remains of himself, of who he is—was.
He's friendlier than what he used to everyone he meets now yes, which is saying something, but when he's with The Guardian—his first friend of this millennia—he can't help but want to lay it out more. They stuck by him on Kepler, protected and encouraged him when he certainly hadn't given them much reason to.
And then. when he does open up they reward his vulnerability by being as honest back as if it's the easiest thing in the world. It makes Lodi feel so fucking seen in a way that makes him want to cry —like right now.
He clears his throat, "Thank you, Guardian, I, I appreciate you looking out for me too." The Guardian smiles a bit more softly at him and Lodi has to look away, He ducks down to take a few sips of his tea to compose himself. "So, did you want to talk about something or would you like me to talk about something. We can just sit here in quiet if you'd prefer too."
The Guardian snorts, "No, I don't like it when you're quiet, at least without focus." The Nine have to feel the patterns of Lodi heart, sparks from rocks to ignitions of industrial alloys. The Guardian is quiet for a moment, thumb circling the rim on their cup in thought. "Sometimes…things catch up to me."
"Like what?" Lodi breathes the question. He can seen their jaw tense and hear the click of their throat. Thoughts of a bear trap flicker into his mind with a beast caught in it's toothy cold maw.
"I don't think you should care about the way I look at you"
The statement throws Lodi, he tries to school his expression but knows he gave away much of his confusion. The Guardian's gaze tears their gaze from Lodi to the empty air in front.
"What I mean is you—people—think too highly of me, or at least that's how it feels sometimes, a lot of the time," they clarify, "I know the feats I've done for the city, for humanity, the awoken and the eliskni, for… individuals such as Saint-14, Saladin but I… I'm not as good as you all believe I am." Their voice is wavering.
This is… the first time Lodi is seeing The Guardian show any form of doubt, after so many months and trials. "Guardian…"
They shrink in on themselves, folding over the tea in their hands, "I shouldn't of said that. I know my metric of good I've done, and I know everyone wouldn't think so highly of me if I'd given you all any reason to doubt me but… for my loud actions there is a terrifying quiet."
"What do you mean" Lodi starts, "That there's a quiet?" He hates the flinch his question causes in his friend, he wants to take it back but their response beats his own.
" Crow," Crow's name is fragile glass on The Guardian's tongue. "Crow actually, is probably, the one who knows it best. Even after all this time, I feel like I don't deserve to look him in the eyes."
"How come?"
"Because I killed him."
The way they say it gives Lodi pause. He thinks it over, technically they've killed many guardians, The Guardian is fond of the Crucible as much as it frustrates them but there's something so off with the word's intent.
"Did you," Lodi tries to find the meaning, "Did a mission go bad and he die? Do you feel like it's your fault, if that's the case Crow definitely doesn't hold it against you. I mean, he's a guardian and he speaks very highly of you—"
"Louis. I'm the reason Crow's a Guardian."
Lodi freezes.
They take a steadying breathe, "8 years ago, I hunted down a man called Uldren Sov, brother to the Awoken Queen Mara Sov, after he had permanently killed Cayde-6, a dear friend… He was being controlled by an entity known as Riven at the time but I didn't care. I had outside help aid me when Ikora and Zavala were too busy with their conflicting grief… I… I tore through the Tangled Shore searching for him. Literally.
"I didn't care who or what I had to kill. I broke away from The Vanguard, The City entirely, abandoned all sense of responsibility—Ikora at first felt a satisfaction in knowing I was avenging Cayde but… then the reports came back.
"Lodi. When I found him, he had lost everything. Uldren had been a defeated man with nothing I ripped out of a piece of Riven with my bare hands and I then executed him," they shudder, "and Crow remembers every moment of it"
Lodi let the story settle in his mind, reimagining the bear trap and the beast.
"I felt sick with myself for a long time, I did everything I could to make up for it but I knew who had heard what I'd done when their eyes lingered on my gun. Me killing Uldren wasn't what gave them pause many would've done the same, it was the sheer scale of the collateral."
Lodi fingers twitch, he wants to reach out to comfort them but he held back not wanting to interrupt.
The Guardian sits up to take a shaky sip of their tea, placing the warm cup onto table after too, "I tried my hardest to not fall that far again but back then, the darkness was our enemy and it was starting to infect us, infect guardians, as it got closer and closer. I. I struggled. Months went by and even though I did my duty my mind often wandered. Then the Pyramid ships came, we lost planets, people and I by the Traveler I was getting so sick of losing.
"I did my duty but this voice got louder and louder, Ghost the whole time was trying to be there for me. Stuck by me even when it was clear I'd fallen back into that pit again. I stopped caring about the blood. I'd smile and lie to to the people I cared about as if my brutality was a passion for Humanity's survival… I just wanted to stop losing."
A few sniffs escape The Guardian and when Lodi felt his restraint waver till their ghost appeared to nuzzle into their chest.
"Eris," They continued as they pet their ghost, "She noticed my cracks and stepped in. I slowly came back to myself. The visions the Pyramid ships showed me then had held a mirror to my face thinking it'd win me over."
"It didn't though, did it," Lodi caught on and then realised he'd at some point actually inched closer to the Guardian without meaning to. Their thighs pressed together as he ducked his head to find The Guardian's gaze.
They found his. "No," they chuckled sadly, "No it didn't, but it might've worked if Eris hadn't caught on when she had." He's already this close to his friend so Lodi decides to throw caution to the wind.
Taking The Guardian's hand in his, he brushes his thumb over the back of their palm, "By the sounds of it I may have thank Miss Morn the next time I see—or talk to her."
The Guardian pulls a face, "Why?"
"Because it sounds like she might be the very reason why we were able to meet, you're being here with me."
"That's not the end of it…" The Guardian whispers, shocked.
Lodi thinks to his visions. It would be easy to assume The Guardian would be the trap, going off what he knew of them before this very moment when it is clear that they're the trapped beast. Powerful and dangerous, honestly terrifying, but desperate and isolated crying out for help. It's with this understanding the image of the beast in his mind changes to something content, fat and proud with prominent battle scars gleaming under the sun.
A small part of IX preens in the back of Lodi's being. "I'd like to hear the rest, that's if you still want to talk about it?"
The Guardian blinks, "You'd, really want to hear more?"
"Only if you want me to," Lodi assures. He sees them bite their lip and their eyes grown wetter, he then squeezes their hand for extra measure.
"How could you doubt you're human Louis," The Guardian leans forward to rest their head against his shoulder. Lodi's surprised for the umpteenth time tonight, jumping as his being is galvanized. "I know whatever The Nine have done may feel obvious but—you've been you the entire time. Tell me, are you trying right now?"
"Am I trying to be what?" Everything is suddenly very overwhelming Lodi can feel his atoms dance at every point of contact as liquid metal is poured into his own core, solidifying and he feels himself magnetize.
"To be human," They finish off.
"I—uh,' Lodi swallows—sea foam is now in his mouth, "To be entirely up front with you, Guardian, I don't know how we ended up like this." He can feel their smile and wet cheeks pressed into his shoulder.
"So this has come naturally to you, would you say?"
Lodi's head nods slowly, "I suppose that wouldn't be inaccurate to say."
"Then you're still human in the way that counts," The Guardian drops. "You, instead of fearing me, gifted me your uncertain time and whole understanding. I. I have often rejected the understanding from others out of selfish fears and desires. Louis, you are human and you should not concern yourself with the opinion of someone who's still learning how to be one again."
"If you're trying to make me cry, you're doing great," Lodi fails to hold back the pressure behind his eye, collapsing forward to return the hug when he feels The Guardian's arms gently settle on his waist. "And," He hiccups, "For what it's worth I think you've d-done better than what, you give yourself credit f-for."