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“You said you had something you wanted to talk to me about?” you say, when the two of you have been mining for a few minutes.
Void makes some strange uncomfortable noise, and you wince. That sort of conversation, huh.
You wait for him to start talking, still not looking at each other.
“I think - I think I want to revive Seri? Death Valley?”
It’s not really a shock, but you grimace at the words regardless, pickaxe suddenly heavy in your hands. You don’t want them back you don’t want them back you don’t want -
“Okay,” you say. It’s not much of a response. “Okay. I kinda - figured. You did.”
Void knows your opinions on revival, the why’s and why not’s better than anyone.
“I won’t stop you,” you say stiltedly. “You’re my friend. But I won’t help. I can’t help them anymore.”
“I don’t expect you to. And - I wouldn’t be - stupid about it.”
“Okay.”
You wonder if he can tell how hurt you are. Guessing the topic ahead of time doesn’t make it any easier to live with.
But -
“Thank you for telling me, I guess?” you say, genuinely. You were half-expecting to hear a revival beacon without warning one day. It’s not like Void owes you anything, even honesty.
And now there are tears beading up in your eyes and you shake your head, even though he can’t see.
You both continue mining.
There are five hearts in your chest, a wasteland above you and grass coated obsidian under your feet when you and Sin finally, finally talk.
It’s - you’re regretting it now, the location, and it’s not just claustrophobia - you didn’t change much about the house from Season 1, and it’s not really a memory you want to call upon, not now, and the message from Void in your communicator telling you to start talking or else you’ll seem suspicious is not helping the dread crawling up your throat. You know what you want to say but the words are stuck behind your teeth and buzzing in your head like angry hornets and you don’t want to talk about this you don’t -
“You guys are shitty friends,” you start. You’re laughing but it’s closer to tears. “What the hell.”
“Yeah,” Sin says.
“You knew I wanted to quit the server,” you say. “And you know it was because I was lonely and you knew you were all I had and you guys were the only reason I was sticking around -” You swallow, and you’re crying properly now, already, it’s pathetic, kinda, and all you can do is rub fiercely at your eyes and try to figure out how to say what you want to.
You keep talking.
Sin stays quiet.
“Let’s say you had gone through with it -” you begin, and now Sin’s willing to talk. About the plan, about the goals. ‘Places with sentimental value.’
“And you were going to go for mine,” you say.
“Yeah.”
You laugh. “I just don’t see what you would have got from that. Because - I don’t like doing things on my own, I don’t like being on my own - I couldn’t have been an opposition to you and no one would have taken me - no one would have invited Betty to their thing because everybody hates me -”
Sin looks away from you at that. He knows better than most. The last time the two of you were in an obsidian box together, not this one but smaller, far away, a place you’d taken him to talk about a fucking awful day that had ended with you sobbing into his shoulder, shaking with the weight of everyone’s cruelty.
It’s not the same now. There are too many gravestones. But for a while -
“Yeah,” Sin says. “The intention from the beginning was to make everybody work together, whether they wanted to or not.”
“You really think that would have worked? Really?”
“Uhhh. Not with Death Valley.”
“Not with me. No one’s been rational about their hatred of me. Why would they suddenly decide to be rational just because you guys are the bigger threat? And even if they did -” Well. You can envisage that quite clearly, a life of being distrusted, left outside.
“There is no way you guys hurting me could have meant good things for me,” you say quietly. “And you said you cared.” You rub at your eyes again, salt-sting from tears in one of the myriad cuts on your fingers, and kick anxiously at the ground rather than looking at him.
“I think Death Valley ended up overshadowing our intentions,” Sin says. “We wanted to give people something to fight against -”
“But I didn’t want to,” you interrupt. “I didn’t want to fight against you guys.” You breath shakily. “This isn’t about the rest of the server, this isn’t about your reasonings why this is about me.” You stop there, for a moment, astonished by your own self-obsession - since when had it been easy to be so demanding? “And the fact you said you cared about me and - and I thought you guys listened to me and you didn’t.”
For a second, you think about your rebuilt house in the crater, Cog’s voice saying “four graves?” and you laughing away the query.
He’s still the only person who’d noticed.
“I think the intention always was to hurt people. Even if this isn’t the intended way of hurting.”
You shake your head, smiling bitterly.
“Which I did say on Skyblock. Not to bring up Skyblock again,” Sin continues, and now your laughter is real.
You’d chosen a cherry tree to go in here as a Skyblock reference, you remember. You think bringing that up now might derail the conversation.
Sin steps away from the bench, away from you. “And you said - you said. If I hurt you in a way that was too far. You’d stand up for yourself.”
You remember. Funny how it happened twice, on Skyblock - someone you loved pushing you away, in worse and worse ways. It’s happened more times since, you know, you thought about before - far too often.
Maybe you’re cursed. It doesn’t feel like it’s too much to ask other people not to try and choose what they think is best for you.
“Yeah, and I have, haven’t I?” you say, a challenge. Why else are you here? And not just that - you think of a conversation on a snowy mountain, a sword in your hand as you twisted away from Sin’s playful punches and pointed the blade at him with shaking fingers. You think of calling him back to spawn and splashing potions on your feet, watching him leave.
“Yeah. And I don’t think you should forgive me.”
You sigh. “You don’t get to decide.”
“This is also true.”
You change the subject. How much this season has changed you, you’re grateful for the bare minimum from people now and you wish you weren’t and you’re trying otherwise but the fear of being abandoned is still ever-present and you don’t know how to live with it.
“I just. I don’t know. I get the wanting to hurt people. I - I’d lost so much of my morals that I didn’t care you guys wanted to hurt people I just - I just wanted to be cared for in return. That’s all I wanted.” You stare at the ground again, try and gather your words. There are too many tears in your eyes to see clearly when you look back up at him. “I just wanted not to be alone. And you were determined to do that to me.”
Sin is silent.
You send the message to Void that you’re done here.
It’s your turn to be quiet when Void logs on.
“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” Sin mutters, running towards the exit, but - it’s not even a fight, really. Five seconds later and Void’s invisible figure is turning back towards you, bloody sword in hand, head tilted like they’re smiling at you.
You should feel happy. Instead - you stare at Sin’s body, the myriad items scattered across the floor.
Maybe you’ll feel proud later.
“That was easier than I thought it’d be,” Void says, and you giggle. They’ve been stressed about this all day. So have you. So have you.
And it worked! So it’s fine.
The two of you set to collecting the scattered items, and you run into the house to grab the barrel you’d placed by the bed. Inside, the similarities to last season are even worse. You swallow down the memories of sleeping here in Sin’s arms and turn to the door, only to be startled by Void right in front of you.
“Betty - Betty,” they say. “I owe you three hearts. Do you want Sin’s?”
You stare at the glowing star in their hands for a long moment. “Uh - okay. Yes. Yes.” It’s been far too long since you’ve held one of Sin’s hearts in your chest. And at least that’s something that won’t run away from you.
They laugh, then grab your hands, pressing the one they’re holding and two more against your skin. You shudder at the feeling, but it’s more than familiar by now.
“That was scary,” Void says, shaking their head dramatically.
“But you did it! You did it! It’s okay,” You’re giggling properly now.
“I’m just scared. That was scary.”
Both your communicators buzz at the same time.
<sinoptics> looks like you werent alone after all
You flinch, defensive, but don’t have the chance to respond before Void does.
“That’s a cute message,” Void remarks, then grabs you by the shoulders and adjusts your veil - you must have messed with it when you were crying earlier, you hadn’t noticed, and the easy kindness in the action makes the anger simmer down, especially when you notice them automatically going to organise the shulkers of Sin’s gear.
Sin’s missing the point, you think. Yes, you have Void now, and you love them too, but -
Void’s not Harmony. They’re not the people who were there for you time and time again, who you spent most of this season with.
Is it so bad you want them both?
Later, it’s just you and Sin online, and her voice crackles through your communicator as you sit in the tree at spawn, kicking your legs absentmindedly as the two of you talk about everything and anything, the ARG and Evu’s changes to the orbs - you convince her to come see for herself, promise you won’t attack her.
For some reason, you don’t think about getting your own promise in return.
It shouldn’t really be a surprise when you’re staring at your communicator and there’s a mace to the back of your head. You stare at the death screen for a long, long moment before respawning in the familiar mess of blankets that is Void’s nest-bed-thing.
Ow you think, pressing gingerly at the back of your head. You’re not used to mace deaths this season.
But - you laugh - and it is genuine. At yourself, at her, her surprise at succeeding.
You still don’t want to leave here now. Instead, you roll onto your side, facing your communicator to continue talking - is it rude to think about stealing someone else’s bed for the night? You’re considering it. This place is safe - kinda. And although you’re not mad, not yet, you’re too tired and giggly for it, you’re… scared? Sad?
You just wanted to be able to love her. Everything’s too complicated now.
Complicated takes on a whole new meaning when Arch asks you if you want to talk a few days later. You say yes - obviously, obviously, obviously, it’s been far too long since you’ve seen his face and the memories have been tinged with grief for so long.
You’ve missed him.
You know he might not stay.
You also killed his teammate not so long ago. It might not have been your hands holding the blade but the blame is equally on you. He told you weeks before his death that he wouldn’t seek revenge if you killed Sin. You hope that still stands.
… And there are no potions in your inventory, only pitcher pods and cyan dye. You’d removed them a long time ago. It isn’t like this server is dangerous anymore.
You’ve still got the shulkers in your e-chest, but you end up walking to the portal empty handed.
The church isn’t far away, and you spot his nametag before you do him - you call out to him, stumble through the church entrance.
Seeing him in person, again - you missed him. You really missed him. It suddenly hits you quite how much.
You still find your face empty of a smile, though. It’s been a long few weeks, from chunkbanned bases and a truth about the people you thought loved you, to deathbanned friends to deathbanned enemies -
You’re not sure Arch is going to stay. And there’s too much pain in your heart nowadays.
You sit on the nearest pew, draw your knees up to your chest and watch him, your friend, alive, for now.
He looks tired, all anxious, awkward movements, but -
“I uh. Thanks for the book,” he says, and now you can’t look at him.
It’s maybe the crux of the problem. You should be mad, probably, but - Arch’s probably the person you've been closest to this entire season, and you love him, and you’ve missed him.
It’s hard to be angry at the dead.
You laugh, stare at the floor. “Yay. I’m sorry I’m not the greatest - at - saying. Some things. But I did mean it - do mean it.”
“I don’t - think you’re that bad, actually.”
You giggle. “Maybe. Maybe. Compared to some people.” You quieten again. “I do mean it.”
Arch makes a small noise, looks at the ground, then shakes his head. “How’s the server been?”
You talk around the problem for a sentence or two before - “It’s been - quiet. It’s been quiet.”
“That’s what Sin said too.”
You’re both silent for a moment.
“I don’t know. I don’t think it did feel like a dead world before. But it does now. And we’re all too stubborn to let it go.”
You end up talking about the ARGs, Death Valley, logistics and likelihoods of revival. It's a familiar conversation pattern to fall into, with him. But - different.
“Oh - I rescued this from your corpse,” Arch says suddenly, pulling out an e-chest and then handing you a sword.
Apollo inscribed on the blade - it’s from the time you fought Seri. Huh. You smile briefly. It was the first non-knockback sword you’d made. You’re glad Arch kept it safe for you.
The conversation moves on to plans, and eventually…
“In that conversation with Sin,” Arch says, looking at the ground. “You said BluetheSquirrel was right.”
You wince. “About some things.” You try to think about how to put this. “After - me and Paddy broke up. I had a talk with Blue. Wherein they thought I was going to join Harmony.”
“Oh my god.”
“Yeah. And when I said no - and I’ve already said about this you know the slightly condescending thing about - you know, choosing for me. Since then they’ve sorta had a thing about. I’m trying to think of how to - say this.” You tap anxiously at the wooden pew. “They’ve been very clear they don’t think you guys were - good for me. You were - keeping me purposefully at a distance when - I was really struggling.”
“Hmm. I feel like we talked about pretty much everything but the Harmony plan.”
“But the Harmony plan would have directly hurt me. So.”
“Yeah…” Arch grimaces. “I just don’t see how Death Valley - I don’t see how Blue has the right to comment on that.”
“They do not - they were worse than you guys by far.”
“Do they want us to keep you at a distance as enemies - what’s the other option, there?”
And that’s the problem. Harmony’s actions make sense. It just hurts.
“I don’t know,” Arch continues. “I think at the start of the season I agreed with the - rally the server against us. It changed.”
“I understand where you guys were coming from, with that.”
Arch explains more of the plan, how it would work. It’s - interesting. You can’t say you wouldn’t have been excited by it, if you weren’t - you think of a few weeks ago when it was a constant struggle to log on, when every harsh word made you want to - you cut off the thought before you can get too far.
Your issues were just - personal.
“I - do believe that care can coexist with cruelty. I just want you to know that it was never - inauthentic,” Arch says carefully. “I want you to understand that.”
“Yeah. I know. I do.” You stop. “It's like. It’s like - I know you guys do care. It's just - it wasn’t enough.”
“Yeah,” Arch says.
You’re both quiet for a bit.
“What do you think a good enemy should be?” Arch asks.
You pause. “I think. Someone who looks at you.”
“I think. A good enemy for me. Is someone who can love me just as much as an enemy as a friend.”
You glance at him, silhouetted in the light of the broken church window.
You think that makes sense.
The pair of you talk about cruelty. About making things interesting for others, not yourself.
“I think I wanted to give people - if they care about something I think they should have the chance to fight for it. Because that’s my other problem - people don’t get the chance to, they just wake up and it’s gone. And the people who did it are gone.”
For a second, all you can see are worldeaters over your home. For a second, all you can see is six ban messages “Yep,” you say, voice fragile.
You talk about spite, about reactions - how it would have gone, could have gone.
Then -
“I am - sorry. For keeping you at a distance. Especially now the plan didn’t go through,” Arch says. “But even without that. I regret it a lot.”
You can’t remember the last time you received an apology.
Arch asks you if you have questions, suggestions, advice for being a better friend/enemy - your mind is blank until the last one.
“Mmm. I feel like.” You stop. “I feel like. You did. What you could. To be a good friend and enemy at the same time.”
“It’s more you just didn’t need another enemy,” Arch says for you.
And - yeah. That’s it.
That’s it.
And the recognition is a relief.
“Yeah. Or - well. More enemies, yeah it - wasn’t like you guys were going about it wrong it was more my situation was… yeah.”
The conversation returns to the end of the world, as it is wont to do with seven days remaining.
Eventually, Arch has to leave. “I don’t know if you’ll see me again,” he says. “I haven’t decided yet.”
You nod, biting your lip. “Yeah. Obviously I’d - prefer you stayed. But I won’t hold it against you if you don’t.”
Arch nods, jumps atop his horse then pauses in the doorway. “I - uh. Forgot to say. Thank you for everything. Being there.”
“I’d do it again,” you say, no hesitation. Despite all you know now, you don’t regret it. “And - and you! Thank you.”
Arch looks away, then in a rush: “I think you were my best friend.”
For a second, all you can do is laugh - but it’s happy, mostly.
You’d hesitated, in a sign room in a secret build not so long ago - “one month before the end of the world, and my friend is dead”. You’d wanted to write best friend, but wasn’t sure about overstepping, even somewhere Arch could never see.
The two of you smile at each other, then Arch rides away.
You only start crying when he’s out of sight, and you’re not sure why - relief? Pre-emptive grief?
You’re never quite sure what to do with kindness.
A few days later, you and Void are in the storage room under your build when Ace joins your vc. You all say hello, but a few minutes later -
“Betty - we should have our talk, now Ace is here to keep Evu company,” Void says, nodding his head towards the wastelands behind you.
You flinch, and pray he doesn’t notice. “Yeah - sorry Ace, we need to - we’ll be back soon -”
“Good luck, don’t die!” is the last thing you hear before you leave the group.
You feel sick. She doesn’t know dying’s exactly what you plan to do.
Your hand hovers over your communicator, but then Void’s back in your personal space, tugging you away from the world border and Evu in the distance.
He drags you just far enough into the devastated landscape that you can be sure Evu isn’t following, then stops, something awkward in his posture.
Neither of you seem to want to speak.
Eventually, stiltedly, you ask: “Why?”
You listen to what Void has to say, the dead feeling in your ribs growing heavier.
It’s not enough of a reason. Not for you, not for them.
I’ve come to a conclusion on what I need to do, you’d said to Mono, weeks ago. Cog’s right! I should give up. The closest thing to happiness I’ll ever reach is by making others happy.
Mono hadn’t said anything, but the sad laughter spoke loud enough. You’d known it was something close to pity.
You find yourself thinking of that conversation now.
Void wants this, and you want Void to be happy.
You just wish it didn’t have to come at your own expense.
“I said. I had conditions. For helping you with this,” you say stiltedly, and this is the part of the conversation you’d planned in advance but it’s somehow the hardest thing to say. “Because I really don’t want Death Valley back. I really don’t.”
“I know,” Void says quietly, looking at the ground. His wings are pinned tight against his back, smaller than you’ve ever seen him.
“So I was going to say. I’ll give you my heart. But.”
Don’t die! Ace’s voice says cheerfully in your ear.
“You have to - kill me for it. Fight me. I want to - feel like I at least tried. Because I like you and I want to help you but I don’t want -”
“Bettyyyy,” Void says, and the sadness in his voice is - you look away, kick anxiously at the ground.
“I thought you were going to say like - I can’t use your heart for Seri or -” Void rambles, pressing his forehead against yours, grabbing your hands then dropping them then grabbing them, like he wants to hug you but isn’t sure.
“I just want to feel like I tried,” you repeat. You smile weakly at him, then hug him, giggling at the surprised noise he makes before hugging you back.
It’s not much of a fight.
You’re too nervous, too shaky to be able to swing your sword properly, stumbling over your feet and the rubble of the destroyed landscape, and it’s probably not even thirty seconds before Void’s sword is catching in a gap in your armour and -
You respawn with a gasp, and lay there a moment before getting up. You hate this.
🐦🕊🦅🦆🦢 whispers to you: pssst
“Oh my god I’m getting whispers,” you mutter, pausing with an armful of glass blocks. The hurt has solidified into something closer to annoyance, now.
You whisper to 🐦🕊🦅🦆🦢: what
🐦🕊🦅🦆🦢 whispers to you: is there anything you are worried about blue doing if we keep them alive
You whisper to 🐦🕊🦅🦆🦢: reviving the others? i guess? but idgaf i didnt want them revived i dont care what happens to them afterwards
It’s not quite true. You do care. But it’s easier to act like you don’t, especially when you have so much to do right now.
It’s only later when you realise - oh. You were being given a choice. Some sort of power over the situation that you really didn’t want to be in.
It’s not an apology, but it’s close enough.