Work Text:
“Stop.”
Their voice, empty, cut through the thick haze that surrounded the two of them. A single word, falling limply out of their throat as though it were a rock being dragged.
For a moment, Noelle thought she must have misheard them. After all, it was only a mere snip in the fog enveloping her senses.
A smile curved her lips upward, small and serene, rather unbefitting of the scene they both found themselves in. She barely graced them with a glance, her own voice soft, correcting:
“No…”
Only just a little did her eyes open, and that smile turned crooked. A question written in the furrow of her brow, a challenge gleaming in her stare. Her tone grew airy, consumed by the haze itself.
“You’re supposed to say ‘Proceed,’ right?”
Her vision, which she barely paid any real mind to, caught up in her desire, only captured a brief glimpse of them. Their eyes, hidden behind the curtains of their bangs and the shadows beneath, flickered in a search for something on her face. If she cared to process it any more, she might even laugh. But instead, she just stifled it, and the smile returned.
“Just like all the other times,” she reminded them, and she reminded herself.
That voice. That voice, that was once so terrifying… so very beyond her comprehension… it sent an electric shock through her spine. It was exhilarating. That command, uttered to her with such devotion, such faith, she would be a fool not to reciprocate and follow through.
To be revered by the agent of change, the hand which guided them off that wretched, monotonous path, the hand which could bless her with magnificent wings, meant she could only revere in kind. It was because of them that she could realize where her life had been going. Down the straight and narrow. Her world an organized body, the potentiality restricted by a cohesive structure.
But when that which organized it was torn off, they changed. She saw them change. No one else did, but she did. That made it special. That made her special. It was an opportunity, a chance. It wasn’t about returning to how it used to be anymore. It was about going beyond. Far, far beyond. A body of pure potentiality, destratified and intensified. As long as she was with them, she could do anything.
Her smile remained as she tugged both of their hands with her own, the two of them wading into the water. The setting sun’s edges bled into it, warming the shore of the lake. It was lukewarm on her hooves, the fur just above it beginning to grow wet.
She could grow wings. She could fly away. She could leave all of this behind her and be reborn anew. She would be free.
“Stop.”
And they were being so resistant. Why?
Another cut into that haze, but still just as pitiful. Despite the feeling of unease that wormed its way into her stomach, Noelle didn’t dare listen.
“Stop pretending,” she scolded, her soft voice harsher now, breaking at the seams. A dangerous passion burned in her throat so easily like cotton, her eyes meeting theirs again in a challenge. “I know you remember, too!”
Again, she pulled. Deeper in, they went. As they strayed further from the shoreline, the warmth of the water coolled pleasantly.
This time, she was the one who stopped.
“The water’s… nice, isn’t it, Kris?”
Yes, Noelle. Proceed, Noelle. It’s nice being here with you, Noelle. Proceed, Noelle. Proceed. Proceed. Proceed. Proceed.
“Stop.”
A sharpened blade. Still, Noelle showed no fear. Not in the face of a voice so empty, so hollow. It couldn’t end here, not after everything. She stared into the face of someone who could bless her, save her, free her, her hands tightening around theirs, and yet could feel how their fingers began to shake in her hold. Tremors rippling through them like the waves creeping up the further they went in.
What were they so afraid of? They knew they could free her. She knew. They blessed her with the power, and now they were trying to take it away… no, that couldn’t be it. They must have been testing her resolve.
Her brows knitted tight together, an ache in her forehead forming. Her voice was breathy, lungs filled with the mist. “Why… are your hands trembling…?” Gritting her teeth, she barely lifted her head. “Kris, you’re the one that wanted this, aren’t you?”
They may have wavered, but if it were to return that challenge, she would gladly accept it. The ground below the water grew further away, a chill lapping just a little under halfway to her knees. Soon, her skirt would be drenched, if she didn’t feel those wings sprout out from her back.
A pause. Noelle’s breath hitched. Was this it? She braced herself for the burning sensation, for the protruding of bones and feathers, for the warm wetness of blood seeping through her clothes. Finally, at long last—
“Stop.”
Cleaved to halfway. Noelle’s head lifted, hearing that voice. The emptiness, a hole, had begun to have emotion trickled into it. Yet it was so minute, so barely noticeable to her, that she didn’t dare meet their eyes. Did they think her a fool? No amount of masquerading could bring her to care about turning back.
But from a quick glance she gave them, those red eyes were frozen. It almost sent a chill through her. A threat.
This isn’t them, she thought, shaking her head. They’re trying to break me again. But I’m stronger. I’ll show them. If there were any way she could repay that reverence, it was to remain steadfast in her enlightenment. Nothing would break her devotion. They would see she was worthy of her freedom.
And there was one way she knew how.
A smirk pulled at her features. If a test is what they give, I’ll return the favor.
“Stop pretending you’re still the old Kris,” she sneered, voice laced with venom.
Her voice lowered with the weight of her words:
“You can’t even say ‘stop’ like you used to.”
The light emitting off her monitor was the only source of light coming from inside Noelle’s room. Bright, earthy colors that belonged to the world of her beloved Cat Petterz burst through the screen, hitting her eyes and straining.
It was late, too late for someone her age to still be up. But it was the weekend, and both of her parents were out. Even though she could faintly feel the tiredness pulling at her muscles, she did little but remove her headphones to soothe her aching ears. It wasn’t an issue, after all, since she could just keep the speaker volume low.
Not that there was much reason to. It was just her and Dess at home. But Noelle was used to keeping it this way; whether out of politeness or obligation, she didn’t know. Maybe it was the fear that her mother would hear her listening to something she wasn’t supposed to. Maybe she would think Cat Petterz was bad. All the mods Noelle had installed would certainly freak her out.
Ah, well. Better safe than sorry.
Setting her headphones down on the empty space of her desk, Noelle was just about to check the speaker volume to make sure it was low enough. When, suddenly, just barely above the sound of her headphones clacking against the desk… she thought she heard a muffled voice.
She froze. It wasn’t Dess’ voice. Who could it be? It came from her sisters’ bedroom, but Dess should have been the only person in there. Noelle turned her head to look in the direction of Dess’ room, alert.
Distantly, from the other side, she heard the voice of her sister. It was quiet.
Was Dess… talking to someone? Maybe she was talking with Azzy on the phone? But it sounded so clear…
Then, she heard it again.
“...don’t know… Dess…”
… Kris?
Noelle instinctively pushed her chair back to stand up, then froze immediately. No, she didn’t want them to hear her listening in. That would be weird. But— no, this was weirder. Why was Kris in Dess’ room? When had Kris gotten here? What was going on?
Maybe… maybe Kris was talking about Noelle. Noelle felt a flutter in her chest. But, then, a twinge of jealousy poked at her heart. If that were true, she wanted Kris to say it to her directly. Whatever it was… it didn’t matter.
“...Dess…”
“...Shhh! Elly… wake her, right?”
Noelle’s fist clenched the arm of her chair. Perhaps it wouldn’t hurt to listen in more closely. If she was just sneaky enough, no one would notice.
Carefully, quietly, almost like a mouse — she shuddered at the thought — Noelle tiptoed toward her door, inching it open in desperation for not a single creak to be emitted. Luckily enough, that was the case. She slipped out of her room, and then exhaled shakily through her nose, not even realizing she’d been holding her breath.
Swallowing thickly, she turned her body toward the direction of her sisters’ room. The door was ajar, just a small bit of light coming in through the cracks. Noelle stared at it for a long moment. But the sound of voices clearer to her ears snapped her out of it.
It didn’t matter if this was an invasion of privacy. Maybe they were sharing secrets. Maybe they were playing games. Maybe it was nothing. But Noelle had to know. She didn’t know why, but every inch of her body screamed at her to listen.
So, she crept toward just outside the door. And when she looked in—
“That’s it, Kris. You’re doing good.”
“D…Dess… it f-feels weird…”
She saw them. The two of them. Kris and Dess, on Dess’ bed. Kris’ back was pressed into the mattress, Dess’ taller frame trapping them under her. Noelle’s breath caught in her throat at the sight. She saw how Dess’ hand went into Kris’ pants. Dess was touching Kris… down there.
Dess… had a crush on Kris, too?
Noelle didn’t know a whole lot about that kind of thing. But she wasn’t stupid, either. She had learned from the internet, from the movies Dess would make her watch, and the music videos, too, that people who loved each other would touch and kiss each other like this. Well, Dess wasn’t kissing Kris— but the touch was there.
And even if Noelle should have been angry, should have been sobbing with envy, something about the scene made her legs feel… weak. The sight of Kris, even if she couldn’t exactly see their face, she could see the way they trembled, the way they arched and squirmed, and she could hear their voice. So uncharacteristically meek, protesting, weak. It sent an electric shock down her spine.
“I know, but you’re a big kid now, right?” Dess’ tone oozed with encouragement, sickly sweet. “You’ve gotta get used to this. Trust me, you’ll thank me later.”
Kris’ breath came out heavy and shallow at the same time. Were they… crying? They whined brokenly, shaking their head. “N… no, I— c-can’t we… do something else…?”
“Faha, like what?” Dess chuckled. Noelle saw her lean down, forehead pressing against Kris. “Practice kissing instead?”
“N-no—”
“Kris, you’re never gonna get anywhere like this.” Suddenly, Dess’ voice was harsh, and she quickly moved to sit up. But her hand didn’t leave where it had been. “Someone around here’s gotta show you sooner or later. I mean, being the only human in town means you’ll have to know how monster parts work.”
Distantly, a heat began to spread throughout Noelle’s body, amplifying the weak feeling in her legs. She hadn’t noticed the way her breath grew heavy as well. She knew that what she was watching was wrong. That she should tell someone. She knew touching someone there when they didn’t want to be touched was bad. Dess was doing something bad. But Kris…
Kris just looked so…
“I-I don’t wanna,” Kris protested. “P-please… it h-hurts, aah…”
“It won’t hurt if you relax.” Dess sighed. “Don’t you trust me, Krismas?”
Noelle felt sick. A nauseating excitement, the awareness that this was all wrong and yet she couldn’t look away. She couldn’t stop it. Some part of her didn’t want to. She didn’t know why. It scared her, it scared her so much, but if Dess could make Kris feel this way, then maybe Noelle could, too. And Noelle could learn through watching.
Maybe then, it would be good for Kris. If it were Noelle, and not Dess. Kris might want it then.
“I-I do, but— aah— wait, w-wait, I—” Kris’ breaths became quicker, and the sound of bedsheets rustling grew louder as they squirmed about. “S-something’s— something’s c-comi— aaah! S-st… stop, stop, stopstopstop STO— MMPH!”
Dess’ free hand slapped over Kris’ mouth, silencing them. “Didn’t I tell you to keep it down, brat?” she spat. Noelle winced. She had never seen her sister like this. “If you wake Elly, I’ll fuckin’ beat you with my bat.”
She watched as Kris lay there, writhing, spasming. Something was happening, their muffled sounds drawn out and airy, trying to gasp for air against Dess’ hand. Noelle didn’t know what they were experiencing exactly, but part of her wondered if it would feel good if she was in Dess’ place instead.
Everything felt fuzzy, and before she knew it, Kris had calmed down considerably. They still lay panting, but the sudden jolts had ceased. Meanwhile, Noelle’s legs were like jell-o, her stomach full of butterflies and her heart pounding against her ribcage. The strong urge to go to the bathroom was there, yet at the same time… it didn’t feel like that exactly. She didn’t know what this feeling was.
The two carried on inside Dess’ room, still oblivious to Noelle watching from outside. Dess reached over to grab something, it looked like a cloth, beginning to wipe away something on Kris.
“See? That felt good, didn’t it?” she asked. “I mean, you got excited enough for that to happen. So I know you liked it. Fahaha.”
Kris didn’t respond. A sinking feeling in Noelle’s chest made her want to hug them. But she stood frozen in place.
A few moments passed, and Dess sighed. “All right, well, guess I better walk ya home before anyone freaks!” She quietly hopped off her bed, standing and holding out a hand for Kris to take.
Suddenly, all the cells in Noelle’s body were no longer frozen. She hurriedly, and as silently as she could, rushed back to her bedroom and closed the door. Her back pressed against it, head lifting to stare at the ceiling. Naturally, her body slunk to the floor.
She’d never heard Kris like that. Never seen them like that. They were so… afraid. So weak. Normally, they were always the naughty kid, pranking and terrorizing her. Dess would always scold them for it. But this… this was different. Dess was doing something really, truly bad.
And yet, the thought of telling anyone terrified Noelle. What would happen to Dess and Kris? What would others think? Everything would fall apart. Surely her parents would believe her, but something made her feel a bit doubtful. She didn’t want anything bad to happen to either of them. Even if Dess did something bad, maybe she really was just trying to help Kris with… whatever it was she was trying to help them with.
Besides, Kris was strong. Kris was always brave. Noelle looked up to them for that. How they could go and do crazy things, it inspired her. She knew they would be fine, that they’d get over it. And maybe… if Noelle could touch them that way, they wouldn’t think it’s so bad.
After all, hearing them like that… seeing them squirm like that… it just felt right. But in the future, she’d want them to not say stop. She’d want them to tell her to keep going. That it felt good. It didn’t hurt. It was nice.
… What was she thinking right now?
She’d use the bathroom once she knew Dess and Kris were gone.
She averted her eyes when they stopped again. The water was rising, and the tension and trembling in their hands hadn’t ceased; rather, it had gotten worse. They were trying to pull away. Trying to back out.
But she held on, her grip tight. Secure.
“Kris, don’t hesitate.”
Surely, her words hadn’t affected them that much. Perhaps they interpreted it differently. Besides, they didn’t quite sound like they used to now. There was no way they understood what she meant. It wasn’t Kris anymore, anyway. And even if it was, they’d have gotten over it by now.
But the command didn’t change. The single word broke out, like yolk from a cracked egg:
“Stop.”
Noelle smiled, sighing through her nose. Whatever test this was, it was tedious. It dragged on too long. She didn’t understand the point of it.
But regardless, she closed her eyes, and corrected them.
“Proceed.”