Work Text:
Chaldea – Private Room of the Cú Chulainns
The room looked less like a Servant's quarters and more like a gathering place for three different versions of the same disaster.
Lancer Cú Chulainn was sprawled across a couch, feet on the table.
Caster Cú Chulainn sat nearby with a book in hand.
Berserker Cú Chulainn Alter occupied an entire corner of the room, radiating enough intimidation to make most people reconsider entering.
Unfortunately for them, Ritsuka had a question.
"So," Ritsuka began, "I've been thinking about your geas."
Three pairs of eyes turned toward him.
Lancer immediately looked suspicious.
"That's never a good sign."
Ritsuka continued.
"You had two conflicting geasa."
"One: don't eat dog meat."
"Two: don't refuse food offered by a woman."
"Why not accept the food, then just... not eat it?"
Silence.
.
.
Lancer blinked.
Then blinked again.
Then burst out laughing.
"Hah!"
"That's your grand solution?"
"Is it wrong?" Ritsuka asked. "Sounds reasonable to me."
Caster closed his book "No, no. It's actually an intelligent question."
Lancer pointed at him. "Don't encourage him."
Caster ignored him "The problem is that geasa aren't contracts, they're closer to mystical obligations. If a woman offers hospitality, simply taking the plate and hiding it under the bed isn't truly accepting the hospitality."
Ritsuka crossed his arms. "But technically—"
"Technically?" Lancer interrupted. "Master, geasa don't care about technically."
"That's not entirely true," Caster said. "There are stories where clever wording matters."
Lancer groaned. "Of course you'd say that."
Caster smiled "What I'm saying is that it depends on the geis, some operate on exact wording... Others operate on intent. The one involving hospitality is generally understood to mean participating in the meal."
"So my loophole wouldn't work?"
Caster considered. "Perhaps... Perhaps not."
Ritsuka brightened.
"However," Caster continued, "the larger issue is Fate, by the time those geasa conflicted, numerous prophecies were already converging. The contradiction itself was a sign that the end had arrived."
Lancer pointed at Caster. "Now he's speaking sense."
Ritsuka frowned. "So even if the loophole worked..."
"The world would find another way," Caster finished.
"Exactly." Lancer leaned back. "You've got the wrong idea. The trap wasn't the food. The trap was that my luck had finally run out."
A deep voice suddenly emerged from the corner. "Fate."
Everyone turned.
Cú Alter had spoken.
The Berserker slowly opened one eye. "Humans, always searching for a path."
"...Is that a bad thing?" Ritsuka asked.
.
.
"No." The giant warrior folded his arms "It is admirable."
For a moment, the room was quiet. Then Alter continued. "Yet some battles cannot be won."
"That's depressing."
"It is reality.
.
.
Lancer snorted.
"Listen to Mr. Sunshine over there."
Alter ignored him "If I had stood in that place..."
His crimson eyes narrowed "I would have searched for a loophole."
Ritsuka perked up "See!"
"And if it failed..." A dangerous smile appeared "I would have killed whoever set the trap."
"..."
"..."
Caster pinched the bridge of his nose "That is not how geasa work."
"Worked for me."
"It literally did not."
Lancer burst out laughing again.
Ritsuka thought for a moment.
"So your final answer is..."
Caster raised a finger.
"Historically? The loophole probably would not have been accepted."
Lancer nodded.
"Too simple."
Alter closed his eyes "Attempt it anyway."
"Why?"
The Berserker's answer came immediately. "Because surrendering before trying is worse than failing."
The room fell silent.
Lancer scratched the back of his head "...You know, I hate it when he says something wise."
Caster sighed "It happens more often than you'd think."
Ritsuka smiled "So if I ever get trapped by a geis..."
Lancer grinned "Find a loophole."
Caster smiled "Understand the rules."
Alter opened one eye "And bring a spear."
"..."
"That last one feels strangely specific."
"It is."