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Eddie waited. That was what he always did.
He’d spent his whole life waiting.
Waiting for his mother to hand him his medication. Waiting for permission to do the things he wanted. Waiting for It to strike while they spent all of July doing nothing. Waiting for his best friend, the boy he was hopelessly in love with, to make the first move.
He was sick of it.
The worst part was that he didn’t even feel out of control. He genuinely didn't have any. Everyone else seemed to have some kind of claim over him. His mother. It. Bowers. His own fears.
He felt trapped.
So whenever he felt the need to hurt himself, he knew he couldn’t leave any physical marks behind. They could get infected, and if his mother saw them (which she definitely would) he’d end up spending the whole day at the hospital. Worse, she’d use any injury as an excuse to hover over him even more.
At first, it was small, nothing serious.
If he felt overwhelmed, he’d skip a meal and claim he wasn’t hungry. Which wasn’t entirely a lie. The hunger was there, but sometimes he just couldn’t make himself eat whatever sat in front of him.
And after a while, he started liking feeling hungry. He knew it was something he had caused himself. Something he could control.
Whenever he pushed away one of his mother’s carefully prepared “safe foods,” he felt like he’d won something.
Of course, Sonia attributed it to one of the side effects of his medication.
And when Eddie went long enough without eating that he became weak and dizzy, barely able to stand for long periods of time, she loved it.
She never let it show openly, of course.
He always tried to hide it, but she took advantage of every glimpse of illness she saw in him to hold him closer.
“Eddie bear, sweetheart, I can’t let you go out like this. You know how sick you are. Better than I do, you’re the one feeling it.” She’d smooth back his hair while she spoke. “I love you too much to let you run around with that gang of hoodlums you insist on associating with.”
Months had passed since they’d driven It away.
Beverly had moved away to live with her aunt, and there hadn’t been any more incidents since Neibolt Street. Part of Eddie still felt like it was his fault for standing up and saying what he said back in August.
Still, it didn’t really matter. What his mother didn't like was him having any sort of indepencency, contact with the real world. And his friend gave him that.
She had something against every single one of them.
Beverly was “a tramp” and “a bad influence.”
Ben was still the “new boy” who he shouldn't trust.
Stan was Jewish, enough for her.
She’d never liked Bill, even before what happened to Georgie, but her opinions on him got worse after.
Mike was the “colored boy” who “didn't even go to school”.
And, of course, Richie, the one she watched most closely. Sonia was convinced that he was a “fag” and constantly warned Eddie not to get “too comfortable” around him. If only she knew the truth about Eddie.
It was Thursday evening. Eddie hadn’t been to school since Friday.
He nearly dropped his glass of water when he spotted Richie outside the kitchen window.
Richie motioned frantically toward the front door.
Eddie stared at him for a second before hurrying over and opening it.
The moment the door swung open, Richie’s expression changed completely.
“What the hell happened to you?”
Eddie blinked. “What?”
“You look awful.”
“Gee, thanks.”
“No, seriously, Eds.” Richie stepped closer, his voice dropping. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, Rich. I’m fine. Just sick.”
“You’re sick?”
“Yeah, Richie. Don’t you have eyes?”
“I mean, yeah, but-Jesus, Eddie.” Richie frowned. “You look like you haven’t eaten in weeks.”
Eddie cut him off quickly. “I just don’t have much of an appetite lately. My mom says it’s probably one of the side effects from my pills.”
Richie snorted.
“Yeah. Sure it is.”
“No, Rich, really.”
“I’m not saying you’re lying.” Richie shoved his hands into his pockets. “I’m saying your pills are bullshit.”
Eddie looked exhausted all of a sudden.
“I need them, Rich.”
Richie didn’t answer right away.
The two of them stood there in silence until Eddie finally sighed.
“Whatever. What’re you even doing here? You’re lucky my mom’s out running errands. If she saw you-”
“I waited till she left.”
Eddie stared.
No ‘your mom' jokes? That was weird.
“You what? Did you hide behind a bush waiting?”
Richie shrugged awkwardly. “Well…”.
“Richie!”
“I was worried!”
“And you had to spy on my house?”
“Well, I couldn't call, could I?”
Before Eddie could think of an answer, Richie continued.
“Can I come in?”
Eddie hesitated.
He shouldn’t. If Sonia found out, she’d lose her mind. But God, he’d missed Richie, and he needed to be with him right now.
Slowly, he stepped aside and opened the door wider.
Richie immediately grinned again.
“Thanks, Eddie Spaghetti.”
The second Richie entered Eddie’s room, he dropped onto the bed and tossed his backpack beside him. Too tired to say anything about it, Eddie sat next to him.
“So,” Eddie asked quietly, “did we get a lotta homework?”
“Not really.” Richie pulled books and loose sheets from his bag and set them on the nightstand. “I brought everything anyway.”
“Thanks.”
“Don’t mention it.”
Then, after a beat:
“Oh, I also brought candy. In case you wanted some.” Richie smirked faintly. “Figured you probably don’t get any decent food around here.”
“Decent food,” Eddie replied automatically, “is food that doesn’t give you cancer.”
Richie laughed.
“Alright, alright. You don’t gotta eat it.”
Eddie looked down at the candy.
It wasn’t healthy.
His mother would kill him if she found out.
Still, his stomach hurt with hunger, and for the first time in days, food actually sounded good.
“What kind?”
They ate candy together while Richie caught him up on school gossip, teachers, and whatever dumb thing the other kids had done that week.
And for the first time in a while, Eddie laughed. Really laughed.
Then he checked the clock.
Nearly an hour had passed.
His stomach dropped.
“You should go,” he said quickly. “My mom’s probably almost home. Use the back door.”
Richie burst out laughing.
“Eds. Are you doing that on purpose?”
Eddie frowned. “There it is. Seriously, get out.”
Richie clutched dramatically at his chest.
“Ouch. You wound me, Eds.”
Still grinning, he headed for the door.
That night, after his shower, Eddie stepped into his room and froze.
His mother was standing there.
“Eddie,” she said softly, and goosebumps immediately rose on his skin. “Come here.”
Then he noticed the empty box of Nerds in her hand.
“Explain this.”
“I-I got hungry.” Eddie looked down at the carpet. “I’d had them hidden away for a while. I’m sorry.”
“Oh really?” Sonia lifted the box slightly. “And who brought you those?”
Her eyes flicked toward the homework stacked neatly on his desk.
“Bill.”
“Bill?”
“Yeah. He got worried because I haven’t been at school, so he dropped off my homework and checked if I was alright.”
“Oh, he checked on you.” Her voice sharpened slightly. “He thinks your mother can’t do that?”
“What? No, I didn’t mean-”
“The Tozier boy wasn’t here?”
Eddie’s stomach twisted.
He couldn’t take it back now.
“No.”
“And Bill just happened to stop by while I was gone?”
“It was coincidence.”
He was really anxious, and he could tell she didn’t believe anything he said.
“You know you can’t eat this garbage.” She shook the candy box lightly. “You know what it does to your stomach. The doctor said so. If you were hungry, you could’ve had fruit. Or gelatin. Not this filth your little friends feed you.”
Did he, really? Did he know it?
“Don't you understand, sweetie" Sonia stepped closer. “They’re trying to pull you away from me. They’re leading you down the wrong path.” Her hand cupped his cheek. “But I know what’s best for you, boy. Better than your friends do. Better than you do.”
Eddie lowered his eyes.
“Yes, Mom.”
“Oh, Eddie bear.” She pulled him into a hug. “My poor, foolish boy. You don’t know how to take care of yourself.” She stroked the back of his damp hair gently. “But that’s alright. You have me. What would you ever do without me?”
Maybe she was right. Maybe he really was just some helpless kid who couldn’t survive on his own. And maybe he would (and should) stay like this forever. That's what he was, are, and always would be.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered.
He hadn’t even realized he’d started crying.
“I know you are,” Sonia murmured soothingly, smoothing down his hair. “You’ll understand someday. I only want what’s best for you. I love you.”
Eddie hesitated.
“I love you too.”