Chapter Text
Merlin lifted his head from the bed to the beat of Sabrina Carpenter's 'Tears'. His vision was blurry, perhaps because he was still sleepy or... No, it was definitely because he wasn't wearing his glasses. He turned over, grumbling, as he reached for the oak bedside table next to his bed, but he had to put a lot of effort into reaching it, thinking, "This bed is too big for one person."
His fingers managed to reach the round metal glasses that normally adorned his face. He could correct his myopia, of course he could, using his magic, but he had learned over time that magic should not be used for such trivial matters.
He placed the glasses on his nose, finally able to glimpse the wooden beams that acted as the false ceiling of his small house. Then sat on the bed, scratching his head with his fingernails and thinking about what day it was. He didn't know if it was the weekend or not, so he picked up his mobile phone and pressed the power button, seeing Arthur's face smiling at him drawn in pencil from the lockscreen of his phone.
He opened his calendar and looked at the date. His previously cheerful and happy expression changed when he saw what day it was: 21st of December. His eyes filled with tears, for so many years had passed that he didn't even remember that today was his day, Arthur's day. This day marked 1,500 years that Merlin had waited for Arthur since his death at the Battle of Camlaan, a day that would always be present in his thoughts, for it was the day he failed and lost everything.
A sound startled Merlin; someone had knocked on his door. He left the room, still in his pyjamas, and walked down the hallway connecting the living room to his bedroom. The person on the other side of the door knocked again, only this time more forcefully and insistently, making Merlin's skin crawl. It was 6 o'clock in the morning. What could someone want from him at this hour?
He quickened his pace, reaching the door in just a few seconds, then inserted the key into the lock and slid the bolt. The door vibrated when whoever was on the other side knocked again, startling the warlock once more.
"Who the hell is it? I'm coming, I'm opening it," and Merlin opened the door wide, standing on the left side, ready to face whoever was on the other side.
"Hello, have you missed me?" asked a familiar voice from the other side of the door.
Merlin couldn't believe his eyes. Arthur Pendragon was standing in front of him, although there was something about him that didn't quite add up. Well, he was just as handsome as the boy he had met 1,507 years ago, and yes, his wet golden hair fell over his forehead in small strands, adorning his forehead, which was also wet and on which several drops of dew could be seen beading his skin. His mouth was slightly open, perhaps he was about to shout for someone to open the door, Merlin thought, after all, Arthur had never been the embodiment of patience in the flesh.
The king's eyes stared at him with the same intensity with which he used to look at him when he was alive. His gaze pierced the warlock with force, as if he wanted to tear him apart from the outside in. Although the irises of his eyes were blue, there was a flame burning inside, red and pulsating, scrutinising Merlin's face, his shoulders, down to his chest, his waist and his legs, then rising again and taking on a mocking expression.
"It's normal that you've forgotten me after so many years, but I really thought you were going to take your morning walk by the lake like you do every day to see if I've come back from the dead." Arthur's smile reached his ears, but what lay behind it was not happiness, it was something else that Merlin did not know, could not comprehend. "Come on, Merlin, why haven't you taken your walk yet? Pathetic, really, but I always knew you would give up, I always knew you would abandon me, that I would cease to be your king, your lord, and that I would become more like a memory of something that was and will never be again.” The king brought two fingers to his lips and made a face. “What's the matter? Has the cat got your tongue?”
"Arthur..." The warlock's heart was racing, he could feel every beat in his jugular and in his chest. Blood pumped as his breathing became more and more agitated and the words would not come out of his mouth. It wasn't possible. How had Arthur found his way to his house? How did he even know Merlin lived there? "I don't have a cat."
"Is that all you have to say to me after 1,500 years? Wow, for someone who's always been such a chatterbox, I don't feel like there's anything of you left inside.
"Why do you say that? Why are you so mean to me?"
"Because you've forgotten me." The blond man entered the house, holding his fingers in front of his face, and approached the other boy's body, which was shaking like a dog in the cold. "Do you think I didn't see it? The look on your face when you picked up your mobile phone and realised that I died 1,500 years ago? Yes, Merlin, I DIED 1,500 YEARS AGO, AND IT WAS YOUR FAULT."
The king moved his fingers and used them to tap Merlin on the forehead as he stared at him. He closed the distance between them completely and brought his left cheek close to the right side of the warlock's face, brushing his cheekbone against the other boy's face.
"I died because of you," he whispered, and Merlin closed his eyes as silent tears fell to his jaw and then ran down his face to his chin. "You were my friend, you were supposed to protect me, you swore you would protect me, you lied to me, just like you did with your magic, you lied to me over and over again, so many times that my corpse, which should have rotted away years ago, can't remember the exact number. So, tell me, Merlin, how does it feel when your penance for what you did is over? How does it feel after causing the death of your best friend and then forgetting he ever existed? Tell me,” The blond pressed his face against the other boy's, and Merlin could feel the cold emanating from it, as if the king were not really alive, as if he were a ghost who had come to torment him for the rest of eternity, so that Merlin would ask forgiveness for his sins. "TELL ME."
"I don't know, it's never happened to me before," replied the warlock sincerely. "I never thought I would forget the anniversary of your death. Arthur, forgive me, forgive me for everything..."
"No," said his friend, turning away and piercing his soul once more with those blue eyes of his, like two deep seas wanting to drown Merlin in their waves. "You and I are going for a walk, and I don't think you're going to like it, but it's the least you can do for me, isn't it?"
"Y-Yes, of course, whatever you ask, I will do, Arthur, as I always have."
The blond man, who had already begun to walk out of the house, turned his face just enough to look at the boy who had not saved him when he could have 1,500 years ago. Inside them there was only anger, the purest of anger shining brightly, destroying everything, freezing the air that separated them. After this, the king approached him again to grab him firmly by the wrist and pull him towards the street.
"Wait, Arthur, I'm not going out in my pyjamas, it's cold."
"Shut up, I don't want to hear anything you have to say, do you hear me? You owe me, I don't care if you're cold."
That wasn't Arthur, Merlin understood as the king dragged him out of his house and led him like a dog down the street towards the lake. Arthur would never have said those things to him, he knew that. He was the person who knew the king best when he still lived among mortals.
"Arthur, where are we going?"
"I said shut up, and I won't say it again."
At that moment, the warlock noticed the other boy's hands, which were gripping his wrist tightly as they left the street and entered the undergrowth. The sun had not yet risen, although the sky was beginning to brighten, revealing its shades of blue and making the stars invisible. The skin was whitish in colour, ending in blue-violet nails, as if they belonged to a corpse. Merlin swallowed hard. Was it really possible that the king, who had been his best friend and whom even the warlock had come to think of as perhaps something more, would get out of bed to take him to the lake at 6 in the morning?
"Who are you?" Merlin concentrated and his eyes lit up with gold as he tried to cast a spell that would allow him to escape from that stranger with the stolen face.
"Your friend Arthur," the other man turned and smiled slyly, making it clear to Merlin that he was not his king.
"Let me go," he said at that moment, when they had already advanced towards the lake and could almost see the shore.
"Just a little further," the blond man continued to pull him, and then Merlin realised that Arthur couldn't have been that strong, nor would he have carried him so roughly. That person was not Arthur, but if it wasn't Arthur, who was it?
Even so, no matter how much he twisted and pulled, he couldn't muster as much strength as that man with the face of a king. And that person had no intention of letting go, so Merlin tried to throw himself to the ground, but that thing pulled harder on his arm, dragging him across the ground until he reached the lake shore.
"What do you see?" asked the terrifying boy, looking into the distance. "What do you see, Merlin?"
"The lake of Avalon, and its tower, as always. Who are you?" he asked again.
He tried to get up, but several chains appeared from the stones on the shore and grabbed his hands and legs, keeping him on his knees on the ground, in the position he had been left in. He looked to his right and swore he saw a blue flash in the tower of Avalon, but it couldn't be, it wasn't possible. Arthur crouched in front of him, looking him in the face with an amused expression.
"Your magic is dangerous, Emrys. It can save the world or destroy it, and lately you seem to be leaning more towards destruction. It's a shame, because the only person who truly loved you, the one you could have had a chance with, is dead and will never return, but we find it amusing that you continue to wait for him, even though you hardly remember him anymore."
"Take off that stolen face and look at me with your real eyes," replied the warlock, his eyes shining gold. "Where is Arthur? What have you done with him?"
"Him? But we've been doing you the favour of looking after him and bringing him back to life for 1,500 years. How inconsiderate of you, Merlin. Perhaps Arthur doesn't deserve to live after all."
"I'll do anything to have him back," replied the warlock, closing his eyes and thinking about what it was like to lose him again and again, unable to heal the wounds in his heart because of the appearance of new ones. He had realised, due to the glow of red eyes within Arthur's blue irises, that he knew who was behind that face. It was the Sidhe.
"We have him, and now we'll have you, dear," Arthur said, placing one of his hands over the other boy's face, covering his mouth and pinching his nose at the same time. Merlin began to struggle, but a chain wrapped itself around his neck. He couldn't move, and his magic wasn't working. He could feel the oxygen running out, his vision blurring and his fingers growing cold.
…
Merlin sat up in bed, his eyes wide open, his mouth half open, struggling to get air into his lungs, and a feeling of absolute terror dancing across his skin. He looked at his phone, but it was no longer 6 a.m., it was 7:30, and he wasn't wearing the same pyjamas he had been wearing before, nor was his wallpaper Arthur's face, as he had hidden that portrait in the attic of his house.
It was cold, but that was normal; it was December, after all. 21st of December. The boy was horrified to realise that, indeed, that day marked 1,500 years since the death of his friend, his soul mate, the life he had always wanted and ultimately could not have, it was 2.025.
Many people might wonder what a person does for 1,500 years while waiting for their best friend to return from the grave, and the answer is simple: they completely lose their mind. The early years were exhausting for Merlin. He had to stake out the land where he would live for the next millennium, uncertain of when Arthur would return. During those years, he lost all his friends, his family, everyone who was part of his life, in the cataclysm of Camelot, a geological phenomenon now forgotten.
From the age of 50 onwards, it became easier. Merlin decided to start saving money so that he could survive in the future. He built a castle and then, when it got destroyed, a house, which had been also destroyed and rebuilt and renovated so many times that he couldn't even remember. He discovered how to perfect the spell to change his body at will, as he knew full well that he would never die, allowing him to live among people without them suspecting that he was immortal.
His favourite era had been the Romanticism, the early 20th century that brought dramatic and emotional culture to art. However, what followed during that century was hell. The First World War, the Second World War, the effect of the Cold War throughout Europe. By then, Merlin had learned to let history unfold on its own, without his interference. He saw how the barriers between states were changed, how empires rose and then burned.
In order to endure the long wait, a few years after Arthur's death, he commissioned a portrait of the king. That moment came when he realised that many years would pass before Arthur's return, and he needed to remember his face. He needed to never forget what Arthur looked like. When he lost his friends, he had portraits made of all of them: Guinevere, Gaius, Lancelot, Gwaine and even Morgana, even though she had been the cause of Arthur's destruction, after he was able to forgive her actions years later.
The problem was that Merlin had become impatient. His mental health was deteriorating at the thought that all he would do for the rest of his life was wait for Arthur. His faith had been shattered, leaving only a shred of it remaining. He had seen him die in his arms, he had seen the light go out of his eyes, he had seen him breathe his last breath, while he touched his face with his hands.
It was he who sent him to the lake of Avalon, hoping that the Sidhe would be willing to return his friend to him. 1,500 years later, the lake was still there, although its water mass had diminished. Initially, Merlin's house was right on the shore of the lake, but now there was a five-minute walk to the edge where the water began. And every single day, Merlin took that walk by the lake, hoping to see Arthur emerge from the water. His king would need his help when he returned, and so he had to wait for him.
The years turned into decades, and the decades into centuries, sapping all the warlock's remaining strength and eroding his brain. And today, on the anniversary of Arthur's death, it was the last walk he would take.
Merlin had recently come to the conclusion that he could not take it anymore, and so he had booked a trip to Paris, with a one-way ticket. He had his suitcase packed and knew that if he did not leave the next day, he would never be able to go. That is why on that day he had to leave all his affairs in order so that he could leave with a clear conscience.
The young Merlin, himself, but 80 years earlier, had built a bookshop in the centre of the village where his house was located. The bookshop was called 'Books of Camelot' and attracted many tourists every year who wanted to buy a book about the legend of King Arthur and his advisor and sorcerer Merlin, unaware that the salesman who served them was one of the protagonists of the story. The bookshop did not earn much, being located in a village, but during the years he had lived, Merlin had managed to save a fortune, which could provide him with a comfortable living for two lifetimes. Furthermore, he was the only one working in the bookshop, so he did not have many expenses.
Three months earlier, at the end of the summer, he had decided to end his previous life and start the next one. One day, the old Merlin, aged 81, had disappeared, and in his place another Merlin had appeared, his grandson, who had decided to take over the business and make it prosper.
He had not had to give many explanations, as over the years the warlock had become somewhat reclusive and did not want anyone's company. However, he was able to see that the youth of the 21st century was the future, and so he had decided to start life over again in that year, when he made the determination to leave and seek his future and his life elsewhere.
Even so, his bookshop would have to close, so he would simply have to leave a letter ceding the rights to his business to Susan, a cheerful 22-year-old girl who was studying in college because, at some point, she wanted to start her own business. This girl, with red hair and green eyes, plump and short, was passionate about reading and probably one of his closest confidants, or so it had seemed to him for the past three months.
He had it all planned out. He would go to work, close the annual accounts, and leave the letter on the counter before leaving. Then, the next morning, he would go to Susan's house and leave the keys to his business on the doormat at the entrance to her courtyard and take a taxi to London to travel. Then, he would catch the plane that would take him far away from all that madness, from Arthur, to whom he would leave a letter at his house, and he would give Susan instructions so that she would know how to guide Arthur to that letter.
He got out of bed, running a hand over his face. It had been a long time since he'd had a nightmare like the one he'd just had. He was completely horrified. He remembered Arthur dragging him by the wrist, leaving him kneeling at the edge of the lake. He also remembered the chains that had immobilised him, and the king suffocating him while looking at him with a sadistic smile on his face.
He went to the shower, throwing off his pyjamas and then his underwear. He was very thin, even for what he used to be. Being there was consuming him, affecting him on every level. Losing everyone you care about is hard, and doing so in every cycle of life was even harder.
He didn't take too long to shower, as he had to be at his business at 9:00 and had to have breakfast before leaving for there. He got dressed quickly and left his bedroom to go to the living room-kitchen of his small house. It wasn't a very big house, it had two bedrooms and a bathroom connected by a hallway to a living room that was also a kitchen, American style.
The last renovation he had done to his house was 15 years ago, when he remodelled the entire interior, repainted it, and had an architect check to see if the structure was sound. Now the house had a modern style. His bedroom consisted of a large bed, two metres wide, with two bedside tables, one on each side. Opposite of it, next to the door, was a dark wooden chest of drawers from IKEA, and next to it was a wardrobe, also from the same Swedish brand, which matched the chest of drawers and bedside tables.
Leaving the room, you would find another room opposite, which had a small desk where Merlin kept the company accounts and played video games in his spare time, as well as a small sofa bed. In that room was the staircase leading up to the attic, where the man kept all his memories of Camelot, his portraits and his life in general throughout the centuries.
Between the two rooms, on the right-hand side, was the small bathroom with a shower, sink and toilet. Although the walls of the house were beige, the bathroom had been painted blue, with the shower wall tiled with white rectangular tiles.
In the hallway, near the door to the master bedroom, there was a small cupboard where Merlin kept bed linen, towels and bathroom utensils. The cupboard was made of dark wood, like the rest of the furniture in the room.
The largest space was the living room-kitchen, which had a dining table on the left, a small corner further on with two sofas and a television, and on the other side of the living room was the kitchen wall, with a long porcelain worktop that had everything he could possibly need: a hob, oven, dishwasher, coffee maker and toaster. The kitchen was surrounded above, below, and on the sides by kitchen cabinets equipped with all kinds of appliances, crockery, and kitchenware, and in the middle of the cabinet on the right, there was a small microwave.
Merlin had made coffee the day before so he wouldn't have to do it in the morning, as he found it tedious. So he poured himself a cup and sat down at the table, taking his time as he looked out the window at the damn Lake Avalon. He promised himself once again that this would be the last day he would go to the shore of that lake, and if Arthur wasn't there, he would leave forever.
He got up and went to the entrance, where a coat rack awaited him with his coat. He looked at the suitcase on the floor next to the coat rack and sighed. Then he opened the door, put his mobile phone, wallet and keys in his coat pockets, and went for his morning walk.
He walked to the shore of the lake, near where he had sent Arthur years ago in order to save his life. Nothing. There was no one there, only the movement of the lake water gently lapping against the shore. He looked up at the tower of Avalon and, if he hadn't known it was madness, he would have sworn he saw something blue at the top, but when he blinked, it disappeared, and he told himself that time was finally taking its toll.
He turned around and began to climb, when he heard a whisper in the air and turned back. That had never happened before, so he looked back at the tower and stood in complete silence for a minute. Nothing. He thought that perhaps, having promised himself that he would leave that cursed place forever, his mind was trying to convince him not to, even if it meant making him hear or see things that weren't really there.
He climbed back up to his house and, instead of going inside, began walking along the path that led to the village until he reached his bicycle, parked at the gate to his property. The road to the village of Meare was short, about five minutes by bicycle, so he got on and began to pedal. He didn't like to use his car, even though he had one, as he thought it was silly for such a short journey, and he didn't want to take it for his trip either, as he preferred to go by taxi.
"Merlin!" As soon as he reached the entrance to the bookshop, he saw Susan coming out of her house, a couple of blocks away. "How are you? I thought you were going to be late for the opening today, I don't know why I thought that..."
"Well, you were wrong," said the warlock, smiling when he saw his friend. "How are you, Susan? It's a nice day today, although you can tell that in a few weeks it will start snowing. Are you ready to go sledding?"
"I still can't get my head around you going to Paris without any plans. Do you really not know what to do? Or what to visit?" said his friend, approaching the entrance to the bookshop as Merlin got off his bicycle and ran to open the door. "I didn't think you were the adventurous type, to be honest."
"I'm full of surprises, but hey, maybe I'll meet a hot French guy who'll make me stay," said the boy, opening the door and going inside to turn on the fuses.
It was his daily routine. He would go in and check the inventory while Susan went near a stool to chat with him before leaving for university. Their conversations usually turned to her studies, love interests, or plans for the future. He didn't know when they had started doing this, but he did know that they had been following this routine for at least a month and a half.
Susan picked up the stool and carried it to the till while Merlin sat down in the chair, took out a file full of papers and turned on the computer with his right hand. He couldn't believe that this was his last day near Avalon Lake and that a life full of possibilities was opening up before him.
"You know, I don't know what to do about Pauline," said Susan, referring to her best friend, for whom she had feelings of, let's say, more than friendship. "I'm going crazy, I'm having a terrible time, Merlin, what do you think I should do? Tonight, I'm probably going to invite a couple of friends to sleep over, including Pauline. Do you think I should go for it? Or should I just let it be? I hate that we're friends. If she were a stranger, the decision would be much easier. I wouldn't be afraid of losing her."
Merlin raised an eyebrow, thinking how wrong his friend was to ask him that. Him, of all people. He who had dressed the only man he had ever loved every day, who also happened to be his best friend. Who had spent ten years by his side, as his servant, friend, advisor and, in the end, as his sorcerer, since his magic had always been at his service, like his heart and soul. At that moment, he thought about everything they could have had if he had opened his mouth, if he had told Arthur about his magic earlier, if he had told him about his feelings. At that time, a man having feelings for another man put you in a complicated situation, and of course he knew that.
He did not know Pauline, but if she was to Susan what Arthur was to him, he was sure of it. The decision, after losing him, would always have been the same. Merlin engaged in a toxic exercise, for a change, in which he imagined what would have happened if he had been honest with Arthur, if he had told him everything that was going on with him. In some scenarios, Arthur shouted at him, insulted him, burned him alive for betraying him and lying to him for so many years; while in others, he silently accepted what was happening, and that truth that they both knew brought them closer together.
"Go for it," said the warlock, glancing sideways at his friend as he finished booting up the computer. "My advice will always be to ruin the friendship. It's better than regretting it for the rest of your life, don't you think? Better to lose her if she doesn't accept your feelings than to keep lying to her."
"That's easy to say for someone who's never been in love," said his friend, unaware that her friend had indeed been in love, and that was the reason he was so broken inside. "It's true that part of me keeps asking myself: what if you had done this? What if you had done that?"
"Better to answer your own questions than to ask them," Merlin simply replied.
"You're not very talkative today. Is something wrong?" Of course something was wrong: it was the anniversary of the death of the most important person in his friend's life, but she didn't know that and never would, if it were up to him.
"No, nothing, I just have a lot on my mind with the trip and everything. Could you do me a favour tomorrow and go into the shop to check that everything is in order? Send me a message to let me know so I can rest easy."
"Yes, of course. By the way, Merlin, there's something I haven't told you. Tonight, besides Pauline and two other friends of mine, a boy from my class named Danny is coming to my house, and I think he's literally your type, and he's single." Merlin blushed when he heard the word 'single' thinking that it didn't matter, because for the time being and as long as he lived here, it could never be more than a one-night stand, at most.
"Don't worry, Susan, it doesn't matter, I'm leaving tomorrow, I'm not going to spend my last night flirting with someone I may never see again."
"Well, he's coming with me at noon and we'll probably stop by here on the way home. Would you like me to introduce you to him?"
"Really, there's no need."
"You're so boring, my mate," said the girl, getting up from the stool. "I'm running late today, so I'm off, but I'll probably ignore you and come back with him anyway." She headed for the door and took one last look at the boy before saying goodbye and hurrying off.
That was Susan, and Merlin was very fond of her, even though he knew he would probably see her die in a few years if he stayed there. He finished taking inventory and took a walk around the bookshop, admiring all the books they had and sold. Of course, Susan was the right person to take care of his small business; it was what she was most passionate about. Although she didn't know it, Merlin was aware that his friend took the key he always left under the doormat at the shop entrance and read second-hand books on a small sofa in the far right-hand corner of the shop.
That was precisely why Merlin had decided to leave it to her. She was the best person for the job because she loved that world.
For the rest of the morning, Merlin served customers who came into the shop looking for books, especially children's books, for their children, grandchildren or nieces and nephews. In the blink of an eye, Merlin had eaten and was taking a break before reopening for a couple of hours.
It was then, around 3 p.m., that Susan returned to the shop, accompanied by four friends, including Pauline. Pauline was a year older than Susan and was an imposing woman with long dark hair and onyx-like eyes. She was also a girl who knew how to dress and express herself through her clothes. As for the rest of Susan's company, Merlin's eyes ended up resting on the boy she knew was called Danny.
Of course, he was his type. He had short, blond hair combed to one side. His eyes were blue and his features were very pronounced. Seeing him was like seeing Arthur again, but wearing skinny jeans, a loose shirt tucked into his trousers and Converse-style trainers.
Her friend knew him well, which was why she had brought him along. So, when they approached the till, he already knew how the conversation was going to end.
"You must be Merlin," said Pauline, shaking his hand with a big smile. "Susan has told me so much about you."
"I hope it’s all good and none of it is a lie" he said, making the girl laugh. "And you must be Pauline. Susan has also told me a lot about you."
The girl looked at Susan and then turned her gaze back to the shop assistant, but she didn't get a chance to speak because the boy who was his type decided to interrupt their conversation.
"Hello, Merlin?" asked the boy nervously. "I'm Danny, nice to meet you."
"The pleasure is mine," said the warlock, examining him from head to toe. "I hear you're having a very entertaining party tonight."
"Between you and me, I'm looking for something more entertaining," said the boy in a low voice, winking at him and causing Merlin to choke on his own saliva, start coughing and turn red in the face. "Are you all right?"
"Yes, yes," said Merlin when he finished coughing. "It's just that I found it funny. Susan doesn't seem like the type of person who throws boring parties, you know?"
"Merlin, I'm not going to be the one to tell you what to do, but my friend is clearly flirting with you, so I'm going to do you a favour and officially ask you out to go on a date with him," said Susan, causing Danny to turn around in disbelief and then stare at Merlin with wide eyes, as if he had just been scared. "Merlin, would you like to go to dinner with my friend Danny?"
"Um... Well, I don't know, I'm going on a trip first thing tomorrow morning, Susan, and—I already told you; you've caught me a bit off guard," the shop assistant began to stammer, thinking that he was probably screwing up with this kid whose attention he had clearly caught.
"Sorry, Susan, you don't have to if you don't want to? I don't want you to feel pressured or anything," replied Danny, uncomfortable with Susan's friend's rejection.
"N-no, don't worry, it'll be my pleasure. If you want, we can have dinner at my place, but you can't stay over, as you'll understand, because I have to catch a taxi at 5:00 to go to London. Is that okay with you?"
And with those words, his fate was sealed, and all because of his friend, who was chuckling quietly as she watched the two boys who had just officially agreed to a first date. Merlin was red as a tomato, and so was Danny, and they looked at each other awkwardly, although the blond broke the silence and reached out his hand to Merlin's, which was resting on the counter.
"Sounds great, let me change at Susan's house and when you get off work I'll pick you up and take you home," said the boy, looking him straight in the eye with an intensity that Merlin was not at all used to.
"Come on, guys, we have to go buy alcohol," said a girl behind the four of them at the checkout, causing Susan, Pauline, and Danny to turn around and nod.
"Well, see you tomorrow," said Susan, and then she looked at Danny.
"I'll pick you up later, yeah," said Danny, responding to Merlin with his voice and to Susan with his gaze.
"It's a shame you're leaving tomorrow, Merlin, I'd like to talk to you and tomorrow we're going to spend the whole day in town," said Pauline. "But anyway, have a good trip, and may you find love in the city of light."
"Don't say that girl, maybe he'll find it sooner," Susan winked at him and put her arm around Danny's shoulders. "Let's go, guys. Merlin, if I don't see you tomorrow, we'll send each other a message in the morning."
"Yes, of course, no problem," said Merlin. "I'll wait for you here." He dedicated those last words to Danny, who turned and smiled at him. "And thank you very much, Pauline!" he shouted to the third girl just before the three of them walked out the door.
Then he slumped into the chair and sighed, thinking that he would have to go and buy dinner before leaving work. He put on his coat and placed a sign on the shop door saying he would be back in five minutes, which was clearly not true. By the time he returned to the shop, it was almost 4 p.m., the sun was almost on the horizon, and in an hour, he would have to go on a date with a boy.
He hadn't been on a date since 1993, when he took a girl out to dinner and then to a dance club in the next town. Merlin had always been a perfectionist, despite the chaos that followed him around. For this reason, he always prepared everything and wanted the other person to have the best time possible. Over the last 1,500 years, Merlin had dated a total of twenty people. With some it had been a one-night stand, with others a relationship that lasted a couple of months, but in the end his grief always complicated his relationships, and they inevitably ended up breaking up, not that they could’ve had a better future either.
"Damn you, Arthur, you're the person I've loved the most and never taken on a date with me," he said to himself as he left the note for Susan on the counter.
He placed the note on the counter. Despite knowing that the next day he would leave his destiny, Arthur and Camelot behind, he had left the truth for Susan, explaining that he had left forever, that he had left her his business, and telling her that if she met a man who fit Arthur's description, she should send him to his house, where her friend would find a letter telling him where Merlin had gone and what he was doing.
He turned off the fuses and took one last look inside the bookshop. His chores were done and it was already 5 p.m. He could officially say goodbye to his business. He put two fingers to his lips and then touched the counter, showing his affection for his life's work one last time.
"Hello!" Danny startled him. He was at the door holding a bottle of wine and smiling from ear to ear.
Merlin left the bookshop, locked the door and put the key in the doormat. Then he greeted his date and pointed out where he lived, so that he could accompany him. On the way, they talked about the future, about what Danny wanted to do with his life, and the answer was that he wanted to be a vet, a most noble profession. Merlin looked at him wistfully, thinking of all the times he had started a course of study, a discipline he could have perfected.
Nowadays, nothing surprised him, but he was capable of admiring people who dedicated their lives to helping others.
"Is this your house? Do you live here? How old are you?" asked Danny, impressed by the small house that belonged to Merlin, who laughed and began to open the door.
"Yes, it's a family heirloom, from my grandfather. I'm 28 years old, I just want to do what my grandfather did, in his bookshop. Being among books makes me happy," said the warlock, opening the door and entering his house. "This is my humble abode, make yourself comfortable."
Danny followed him inside and looked around the living room-kitchen in amazement. They both left their coats on the coat rack and Merlin went straight to the kitchen to start making dinner. The boy stood next to him and asked for a corkscrew, which Merlin gave him, and prepared two glasses. If it was his last night there, he might as well get properly drunk. Danny uncorked the bottle and poured the wine, raising his glass for a toast.
"The first of many to come," he said, and Merlin took a sip. "The truth is, Susan has told me a lot about you. She said you have a mysterious side, as if there were a part of you that you hide from her." Merlin couldn't help but wonder which part of himself she was referring to. Merlin the sorcerer? Merlin the immortal? Merlin looked at the other boy, who was drinking his wine while staring at him intently. "Tell me something you've never told Susan, something only you know but want to share with me."
"Let me think... Look, Susan doesn't know this, but I studied pharmacy," said Merlin with a laugh, although working with his alchemist uncle perhaps didn't count as pharmacy, even though they cured many diseases during those seven years.
"I meant something more... intimate," said Danny, moving closer to him and placing his hand on the warlock's. "Tell me something that no one knows about you."
Merlin thought about what he wanted. It was clear that he wanted him to tell him something about himself that no one else knew. He thought long and hard about how to answer that question, but the more he thought about it, the less he knew what he could say.
"I hate this place," he said quietly, looking at the ready-made meal as he took it out of the bag to heat it in the microwave. "It's something that neither Susan nor anyone else in this town knows, but the truth is that I hate it, I hate the lake, I hate everything this place represents," he said in a solemn, calm voice, but Danny could hear some emotion in his tone, as if the reason were personal.
"Why is that? Is there a reason?"
"Because this place has taken so much from me," said Merlin, his mind blank and his eyes empty as he poured the contents of the bag onto the plates to heat them up. "I'm sorry I can't make an elaborate dinner, I have to go to bed early and we don't have much time, but we can still drink that bottle of wine."
"Of course, although it's a shame you're leaving for Paris indefinitely. There's nothing that place can offer you that you can't find here." Danny was referring to himself, to the fact that he could find what he wanted in him, but part of Merlin, even if he developed feelings for him, would always doubt whether those feelings were as strong as the ones he still had for Arthur.
The two fell silent after that comment. Merlin thought Danny was very sweet to comment on the possibilities that Meare and Lake Avalon offered him, when clearly the original comment pushed him aside, prioritising leaving as quickly as possible.
"I'm sorry, I know I've been a bit insensitive in saying that I'm in a hurry to leave, it's just that I've been here so long that I really want to fly away from here."
"Ah! I thought you'd only been here three months," said Danny. He was a smart man, and now Merlin hated him because he had to get out of this mess without giving himself away.
"Yes, well, three months here can seem like an eternity, although, if it weren't for Susan, this would be hell," he said, relieving the tension with a laugh. "And you? Tell me something you've never told anyone else."
"Well, to be honest, I was really scared about this date. I wasn't convinced at all. Susan told me she thinks you had a bad experience a while ago with another guy." A pang of pain pierced Merlin's heart as he heard the boy's words. Was it that obvious? "And when she encouraged me to ask you out, and I saw that you were hesitant, I thought maybe it was a bad idea, and that you might not want to, but now I don't regret it. I think you're a very interesting person."
"Interesting?" Merlin put the food in the microwave while looking at him out of the corner of his eye.
"You have a house and a business that you want to take care of, but at the same time you want to leave tomorrow for Paris indefinitely, and you just confessed to me that you hate this place. I don't know, to me those seem like very beautiful contradictions, to be honest," said the boy with a shy smile. "But I just know I did the right thing in accepting, because whatever happens tonight, I know it will be worth it.
And Merlin didn't want to think, he just wanted that handsome, nice, sincere boy to shut up, so without warning or anything, he kissed him hard on the lips. Danny opened his eyes in surprise, then closed them and placed one of his hands on the warlock's cheek, gently caressing his cheekbones and giving himself over to the kiss. Merlin then sought out his neck with his hands, wrapping his fingers around the nape of his neck and caressing the base of his hair, while moving his lips and opening his mouth to slip his tongue into the boy's mouth.
It tasted like wine.
It was sweet, a little bitter, but that was how Merlin knew it would taste, so he continued the kiss while the food heated up. They both continued, trying to fit their bodies together perfectly during the kiss, until the beep of the microwave startled them and they separated.
"Wow," said the boy, catching his breath and looking at the microwave. "Saved by the bell.”
"I don't think there's any way you're getting away tonight," replied the warlock, biting his lower lip and smiling.
After taking the food out of the microwave, they sat down at the table and talked while they ate dinner and drank wine. They talked about possible projects in Meare, what Merlin would do in Paris when he arrived, and what he most wanted to see. They talked about languages and how useful Duolingo was, though Merlin wasn’t convinced at all. They talked and talked, until there was no food left, and no wine either, and all that was left was them looking at each other without really looking at each other, but instead devouring each other with their eyes.
Merlin accepted it. He had been calming his urges for a long time using his right hand, and getting back into action was something that, even though he knew that whatever they had tonight would not lead to anything more, at least he could go to bed warm and satisfied, ready to face the next day and his journey into the unknown.
So as soon as they finished clearing the table, they couldn't resist. They kissed again, this time more intensely, as they were drunk, and a blush came to both their cheeks when Merlin decided to deepen the kiss again. Danny began to unbutton Merlin's shirt while Merlin undid his belt. Once Merlin's chest was exposed, the blond slipped his hands under his shirt, caressing his waist and back, while kissing him against the kitchen counter.
They both took off their shoes while laughing between kisses. Then Danny grabbed him by the thighs and lifted him onto the counter, starting to kiss his neck, while Merlin let himself be led and grabbed onto the cupboards above. Merlin was tall, perhaps even taller than Danny, but being moved around always turned him on. He liked strong, confident men who knew what they were doing, and Danny showed promise.
One of Danny's hands touched the other boy's stomach, moving up with a finger to his chest, caressing his skin and causing the mess in Merlin's trousers to become increasingly tight. Then he began to unbutton the warlock's pants, while the other tried to take off his shirt. When Merlin responded by moving down to weigh his chest, he let out a sigh of pleasure from his lips, which escaped and caused the other to smile mischievously as he continued down, positioning himself near the top of his underpants.
"Let's go to bed," said Merlin, sighing and grabbing the boy's face with his hands to lift his face and kiss him again. "I don't want to do it here."
Danny began to take steps backwards, as if neither of them could separate because they were stuck together with glue. Merlin stepped down from the counter and began to push him, his trousers unbuttoned and his shirt falling off one shoulder, while the other boy took off his T-shirt and continued to move backwards, looking at the warlock with madness in his eyes, wanting to burn with him and give him an experience he would never forget before leaving forever.
That was when someone knocked on the door, two loud, decisive knocks that made Merlin turn cautiously. He had been through this before, he thought, remembering the dream he had had the night before. But it was still 8:30 p.m., maybe it was Susan, wanting to know if he had dismembered her friend.
Danny looked at him impatiently, thinking that whoever it was, Merlin should go to the door and send them packing so they could continue where they had started. Merlin turned to look at him, asking permission to open the door, even though he knew it might ruin the mood. Danny nodded and gestured for him to open it, while he went into the bedroom and poked his head out to see if it was his friend, who had decided to ruin one of the most memorable shags of his life.
Merlin walked towards the door when, whoever it was, knocked again, this time louder. He approached the door and took out his keys to open it.
"Merlin!" shouted a voice on the other side. An impossible voice, a voice whose owner could not be, but was. Merlin stood completely paralysed, his hands on the doorknob. "Merlin! Open the door please, it's cold!" said the same person in perfect Brittonic.
The warlock hesitated, thinking about the dream he had had. Was it a premonitory dream? Was Arthur really on the other side? It couldn't be, it wasn't possible. His hands began to shake, and he began to feel cold sweat running down his neck.
"Damn it, Merlin! Can you please open up? It's freezing cold and I know you're in there, even if you're having a great time," said another voice, this time from someone he knew very well, someone he had spoken to that very day.
"Susan?" he asked, turning the knob decisively, without the slightest idea of what he would find on the other side.
And the sight was priceless. Standing in front of the door was Arthur, his hair wet and wearing the same armour he had worn on the day he died. The bloodstain was in the same place where the magic blade had pierced his flesh, an endless reminder that he had not been able to save him. The king's mouth was half open, looking as if he was about to shout at him again, but once their eyes met, there was no longer any doubt between them.
"Arthur?"