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Albus Dumbledore was speaking again out of his own righteous ass. In fact half the things Dumbledore does makes 0 sense. Snape was in fact not impressed, as if that's a surprise. He did it all for Lily, sold his soul, and what does he get in return? A pompous principal who in fact has very little principals himself.
The golden child, Potter, of course needed more assistance. In Occlumency of all things, Snape in fact did not care. Snape was too busy saving the golden boy from his own antics by being tortured by the dark one. But of course on top of him having to teach and be questioned once in a while by the dark lord himself he had to whim himself to the needs of a Potter. Oh what he would give to see James Potter's reaction to his antics towards his own flesh and blood.
“Absolutely not.”
Snape did not stutter. No he was serious but Dumbledore would not let go.
“The boy must learn,”
“The boy must indeed learn, learn that not every adult will run to his every whim.” Snape finalized.
“I would hardly call his afflictions with Voldemort a whim. Maybe you could learn a thing or two since you seem intent on hating Harry’s very existence, do not forget he is of Lily’s blood too,”
And Snape had flinched back, he wasn’t sure if it was the dark lord's name or if it was the fact he had been called out on the reasoning behind his hatred towards the boy. Albus had a way of manipulating Snape, a weakness he could not afford but must. Snape must endure, even if it is a wizard who believes Harry to be special when in all reality Albus himself has been waiting for the right moment to sacrifice a mere child.
No I will not give sympathy to a mere celebrity of a Potter, Snape thought sharply avoiding all blame no matter what. He is not of fault to a mere premonition. Potter had spent his life being a celebrity, the boy who lived. He would no longer live once the prophecy comes true. Snape had no time to sympathize with the dead.
Little did Snape know that Potter had spent his life living under the stairs and not knowing what love is, much like Snape himself.
“You must protect the boy, because he can not protect himself,” Albus finalized but oh was Snape not finished.
“Sir I believe Potter to be a little minded, untalented, hyperactive, child: in fact would it not be better for you to teach him something so vulnerable. I absolutely will not tolerate his antics or his presence.” Snape cringed at the word vulnerable, a pupil will have to become fully comfortable around the teacher, Snape being not the right person as he has no regard for Potter at all but Albus only sees opportunity. Opportunity to be an instigator, Snape thought sharply.
“I wonder… If in fact Harry is as you say, you can return to your other duties, if not you must teach him. If not for his sake then for Lily’s,”
Snape cursed out Albus in several different ways and with several different ideas.
“Fine.” Snape cooly agreed with the respect of a five year old.
Albus did not make a comment on Snape's answer even though he sounded like an upset toddler who didn’t get their way. In fact he grinned at Snape’s antics.
“Trust my boy, that’s all I ask,”
“That is not all you ask but as I am an adult I will not make fuss as you seem to enjoy throwing Lily in my face at every opportunity,”
“Alas sometimes you must see past tinted glasses,” Albus finished.
Snape wanted to respectfully chuck his shoe at Albus’ head and never have to even acknowledge Potter's existence but he need not get emotional or violent.
He swiftly threw his cloak around as he turned to leave. Albus made it hard to stay professional especially given their history with the dark lord. Potter’s class ended soon enough and Snape had to go make note of a hyperactive teenager who did not know how to keep himself out of danger. That’s to say Snape is exhausted.
Tracking down Potter was not as hard as Snape had presumed it would be. Harry had been studying in the Library for once, Snape was arguably impressed for once. He waited a moment for Potter to make notice of his presence but the boy was downright focused. Snape coughed, raising an eyebrow at Potter's shock.
“Had that been the dark lord you would have found yourself dead Potter,” Snape smoothly mocked.
“Had that been the dark lord he would have been detected by the school's magical what-not system,” Potter tried.
Snape raised an eyebrow but Harry was downright mad, how could Snape mock him like that over the very man who killed his parents–but this is Snape we are talking about. He did not care for him at all, not that Harry knew why. Harry stopped questioning, recently he had felt exhausted, knowing about the prophecy now seemed like a burden. He would do anything to be normal even if he was a muggle born but even the Dursleys would not understand that. Just as Snape had, they had decided to hate him long before he even had a chance to make them. Harry had stopped caring, if Snape wanted to hate him so be it–Harry sometimes hated himself too. Had he been normal he wouldn’t have had to go through all this pain but it was normal to him, he did not know the difference between love and hate. Hate almost seemed safer then Love, Harry did not have to fight for hate as he does love. Maybe there is no line between the two but it was easier to be hated for something out of your control than to be hated and know why so he stayed blissfully unaware.
Snape taking notice of the dark circles under Potter's eyes and acknowledging the fact that Potter may be having a hard time was a long shot. Snape was instead annoyed that Potter had decided to ignore Snape's presence entirely. Entitled brat.
“I need you in my office now.”
A silence went between the two of them, one they didn’t know how to read.
“Now boy!” and that made Potter startle, his eyes flickered with fear before being replaced with intense anger. His compartmentalization was in his favour but Snape would never compliment the big headed Potter.
Harry scrambled from his chair. A voice repeating in his head over and over again of his uncle spitting out ‘boy’ as if he were insignificant, his feelings, his being not mattering. Harry chose anger over fear, it was easier to control and less vulnerable then admitting to himself that he did care. Bitterly he followed Snape's orders and walked the short distance to his office.
Snape called for Potter to sit down, Potter slowly sat in his chair. Snape would need Potter to put his trust in him fully, something he too would have to give up but he was not ready for those intense feelings. Snape cursed in his head, this would be a mess.
“It has come to my attention that the dark lord has been rummaging through your head. That must indeed stop or be managed,”
Harry thought bitterly, Snape knew nothing of what Voldemort had done to him. Well.. Harry stops, he guesses everyone does but not to the extent in his head. No one would ever know how damaged he had become. Harry doesn’t even know why he even studied anymore, because he would not survive for his adulthood. He had known since young that it was in fact not fair and no one would help him.
“Okay what does that even mean?” Harry was so done with whatever was going on.
“Mr. Snape. Do not forget who you are talking to, some respect is in order,” and if Snape hadn’t felt a little glee in making the little shit bow down to him he would be lying.
Harry cursed out Snape's greasy mullet and huffed under his breath.
“Mr. Snape, what the hell does that even mean?” if Harry did feel a sense of pride at his response he did not show it. If Snape wanted to play dirty, so would Harry. Even if it meant detention for him.
“Boy! You must regard me with respect, you are at most privileged to the point you do not see when someone is attempting to aid you,”
Potter again flinched at the word boy. Snape was at a loss, not that he cared. All he could see in his muddled mind was a small James Potter. His as Albus said rose coloured glasses were looking at the mere reflection of what Potter reminded him of , a mocking, entitled brat who judged any and everyone. He had not yet seen the true colours of Potter yet.
Potter did not respond, the anger in his eyes was palpable and the accidental magic use was making the table tremble with the effort of Potter's own temper. Lily had strong tempers, she could never quite settle herself down.
Snape cooly ignored his own thoughts. “You must learn Occlumency and keep your memories to yourself and not let the dark lord in.”
“Okay who’s teaching me?” the brat asked. The boy looked around until his eyes went wide and he opened his mouth like a fish.
“Yes Potter, I will be teaching you. You will under no circumstance be given any grace for your situation. As my only task is to teach–against my will I might say. Again Potter leaves everything to the people around you to fix. Must you always find yourself in positions such as these?”
Harry was angry, he stood up from his chair, his glasses fell down his nose and all Snape stared into was Lily’s eyes. He was startled. The rage pooling beneath Lily’s eyes made him stumble, his mental walls falling the smallest bit.
Snape was brought back to his senses when multiple potions in the lab shattered and Potter trembled with the efforts before his eyes became fearful.
Harry felt intense fear pool into his stomach, he had broken Snape's potions, and he couldn’t control himself. He was still shaking with rage, and his veins were on fire. All he could hear was the echoed shattering replay in his head.
“Potter calm yourself, this is unseemly of you,” Snape barked out but Snape had not accounted for Potter's intense gaze of fear. His breaths were rattling and loud as he clenched his hands and trembled in his spot.
Snape did not sign up for this. “This is why you must learn Occlumency.” but Snape did not know why his voice had lowered in volume involuntarily. Lily’s eyes had startled him, her eyes that had once looked at him in betrayal were seen again.
“Build yourself a happy place in your mind Potter, focus on the sounds, the touch, and then tell me about it,” Snape swiftly instructed.
“To do this we must have each other trust, I have told Dumbledore why this would be borderline impossible but he was insistent so do as I say,”
Harry was trying but his rage was not slowing, neither was his fear. Snape loomed over his figure waiting for a response. His eyes pooled rapidly and his thoughts found no relief, Snape had been watching it all.
Just when Potter thought his limit was being tested he was handed a potion. No explanation. He was about to ask but Snape had already given him the answer.
“A calming draught you foolish boy, I would not poison the golden boy,” Snape rolled his eyes.
The golden boy Harry thought bitterly, as if he had anything golden. He was handed a fate and a name people knew alongside his dead parents not a cookie. He swung the potion back and felt the cool instant relief it granted him. He began to build his happy place, but he could not find one.
He began thinking of the place he felt safest and realized that it did not exist for his whole life; he'd not had a place where he wasn’t in danger at all times.
“I don’t have a place like that sir,”
Snape became aggravated by the idea that Potter had no happy place as he grew up pampered and famous.
“Sir? Does it have to be a happy place or can it be upsetting but comfortable?” Potter had asked respectfully so Snape had no right to respond the way he did.
“No Potter. You are lying. You have a happy place, do not act as if you do not have a safe space. You are insulting Dumbledore yourself,”
Potter stilled. His eyes filled with anger, then sadness, then nothing. Again Potter had gone through stages with Lily’s eyes alone. He was never going to be believed, not even Dumbledore, let alone Snape.
Snape at the silence began “You will learn boy, or you will die,” and his voice was laced with venom.
“Now find that happy place and we will practice. I am going to be bypassing your fortress and diving into your mind. You must fight Potter.”
And Potter had no chance to raise any sort of wall before Snape was inside his head. Snape watched as a young Potter was grabbed with a fat fistful of meaty hands. Potter is thrown against the wall.
“Boy what did I tell you! You were to be quiet while your aunt was here. What was all that stomping around huh, answer me boy!” Again Potter was thrown barely given a chance to respond into a small space under the staircase. Snape stilled at the realization. Potter's bedroom was a closet, he saw all of the tiny army men and Potter ripped up a blanket and a mattress that had no support at all.
He watched as Potter fought to keep his tears to himself as he scrambled against the door trying to escape. It was ineffective as he was merely just a child. Potter stilled, before he looked through the small holes in the door at his uncle who had sat his fat body on the sofa, he was eating chips and watching the telly.
Suddenly Potter's brain fought back and Snape and Potter were back at Hogwarts again. Snape had a dreadful feeling in his tummy. How had Albus not known, he had to have. Harry is the golden boy, he was to be loved, and pampered. His thoughts blurred–he thought back to James making fun of a mudblood to his son becoming a bullied mudblood. The irony sat like a pit in Severus’ stomach.
His opinion of Harry had been vastly wrong, Lily would be so disappointed in him. Harry was a failed child. He had been left with Petunia, Severus should have known, should have seen the signs.
Harry was backed into the corner, his palms sweaty, little huffs of angry breaths left him. Severus could see how severely this memory had tamed him. His eyes lifted to Snapes.
“How could you,” and it wasn’t the yell Severus had expected, it was a quiet yearning. The pit in his stomach grew at the sight of a child knowing how to compartmentalize to the point that he could react as an adult. A child–Severus stilled at the thought. Harry was a child, who needed guidance.
“How come in all the years I have mocked, I have berated you, have told you your complex was big, did you not correct me Harry?”
Harry himself stilled at Snape calling him by his first name. It was like a barrier broke.
“And on top of that you have not only not had a pampered life but you were neglected and abused by those in power?”
He wasn’t finished
“Did you not think to notify Dumbledore himself of the absurdity of your situation?”
And that was the final straw for Happy. Every cabinet in that room exploded open, everything that could shatter. Power drilled through his veins like no other. Snape was not scared, he let the room fall apart waiting for Harry to fall with it. He had sworn to protect Lily’s son, he had made a deal with Dumbledore for her son and he had failed the one task she had given him. Harry did not receive love.
“Dumbledore knows, the letter that I got sent from Hogwarts was named ‘for Harry Potter in the cupboard’ he KNEW! And you would’ve never believed me, had you got the stick out of your ass enough to see I am not my father. I know nothing of my parents–you decided to hate me before I could even make you!” he screamed. The noise was not a surprise to Severus’ ears. Harry was right to be mad, Severus had no good reason to hate a mere child, not even if said child was the reproduction of James Potter himself. They had grown up completely different.
“And I did like potions, I’d like to add that you in fact made it impossible to learn anything in your class, seeing as I was a failure before I even started. My fate was already decided by the entire world and then you had to add to it,” Harry’s voice was laced with venom.
“I should not have done that Harry, I see you now. You are not the idea I pictured you to be. I apologize for my mis-interpretations. I do not expect you to accept. I will be speaking to Dumbledore on your behalf child,”
“Do not call me a child, not when you have treated me as an adult the entire school year. I was determined to fail from the beginning. I will not have time to be an adult after the proficy,”
“You do not expect to live child, do you?” Severus whispered. He did not care for Harry telling him not to call him a child, he was. The only difference was that Dumbledore had been right, but Dumbledore had known from the start. Albus did nothing, he did not care for one child's life, if the rest survive. Pott-Harry is a sacrifice he's willing to make. Harry himself does not believe he will even make it, rightfully so. Albus has failed him, just as Severus did, just as every adult has stood by and watched the neglect and abuse justifying it by the dark lord's sacrifice.
There was no calming drought for a lifetime of regrets, Harry had every reason to become a villain and he didn’t. He is not only James' child, he is Lily’s and it's time Severus grew up with them.