Chapter Text
All humans have low level empathy which we use to recognize each other on a subconscious level. The bonds we form with our families and communities deepens that empathetic connection and stimulates the instinctive need to protect and understand one another. In rare instances, a pair of individuals will form an instantaneous connection in which they can share emotions through their empathetic bond. We call these pairs soulmates.
–Human Connection: A Study on Empathetic Bonds
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Once, when Penny was a little girl, she asked her father if he had a soulmate.
“Not that I know of,” he said with a laugh.
“What about mommy?” little Penny asked.
“Your mommy and I love each other very much, but we aren’t soulmates.”
“How do you know?”
“You feel it when you meet your soulmate,” her father explained.
“What does it feel like?”
“I don’t know. Not many people do. You have to be very lucky to find your soulmate.”
“Will I ever find my soulmate?”
“Well, Lucky Penny, I’d say you have a pretty good shot at it.”
She initially cheered with excitement at this response, but eventually her small brow furrowed with childish consternation. “How will I know when I’ve met them?”
Her father smiled and tugged on one of her ginger pigtails. “When you meet them, you will just know.”
She had not been satisfied with that answer, but her father had no other answers to give. When her parents got divorced, she wondered if it was because they were not soulmates. Her father’s second wife was not his soulmate either, but he loved her very much.
Her mother did not believe in soulmates, calling everything around soul theory “esoteric nonsense”.
“If everyone could sense each other through soul vibrations, there would be much less conflict in the world,” she said. “The people in your life are there because of the choices you make. The universe is not going to hand you some perfect match out of nowhere.”
She had a point, but still Penny was drawn to the romanticism of it– to the idea that souls called to one another in the form of human empathy, and when two perfect matches met, their souls would vibrate in unison, a perfect harmony. She spent much of her childhood daydreaming about it, wondering how it would feel if she met her perfect match. She longed to meet that special someone who would complete her soul.
As she grew older, she eventually gave up on that dream.
Penny pictured her soul like the string of an instrument that could be plucked by the people and events around it. Over time, her string had loosened, falling out of tune with the rest of the world. Her old passions no longer held her interest, her old friends had moved on with their lives, and her old home had become a stagnant reminder of everything she failed to achieve. Her soul vibrations were muted and dull, unable to resonate with anyone. If she had a soulmate, they would not recognize her.
The move to the city had been a desperate attempt to escape the ghosts of her past. She had no illusions about finding her soulmate– she doubted she even had one– she just wanted a fresh start. She hoped the new surroundings and new people could inspire her to feel alive again. She wanted simple connections, things that could ground her in reality and make her feel like a person again. She was already off to a good start. She had a part-time job within walking distance of her modest apartment. The commute allowed her to smile and nod at other pedestrians, make comments about the weather, and form shallow connections in the community that said, I am here, I am human.
Speaking of the weather, it was a cold and blustery day, making the commute less pleasant than normal. Everyone hurried to their destinations, not bothering with smalltalk or pleasantries. Penny shivered as the wind picked up, blowing flyers all over the street. She grabbed one when it smacked into her leg and read the familiar bold letters.
The Freak Circus Of Horrors. At first it had been amusing to see the flyers plastered to every conceivable surface. By the second day, it had gotten annoying, with flyers going up faster than they could be taken down and performers handing out even more in the streets. Now it was just plain ridiculous, with flyers blowing everywhere, littering the streets, and overflowing from trash bins. Penny wondered if the circus could afford to lower the ticket prices if they stopped wasting so much money on paper and ink.
She had considered going, but it seemed like a waste to go alone. These things were more fun in a group, riling each other up, screaming and laughing at each other’s reactions. It would be pathetic to go alone just to stare at the attractions with no one else to appreciate the experience.
A shame, really, because she admired the circus’ aesthetic. The clowns she had seen around town looked eerie and elegant in their fine costumes– with none of those rainbow wigs and red noses. They had an old-fashioned design, leaning more towards gothic horror than modern thriller. It tickled her secret fascination with the dark and macabre.
“Hey! Get out of here weirdo!”
Penny looked up just in time to see a man hit one of the clowns across the face, knocking him to the ground. The flyer she was holding slipped from her fingers as she rushed over to see what was happening.
“Ever since you guys showed up, people have been disappearing!” the man raged. “Go back to whatever hellhole you crawled out of!”
It was true someone had gone missing the day the circus appeared in town, but that was just a coincidence. People went missing all the time, and there was a rumor this particular person had run off with a lover. Still, people loved to gossip and blame outsiders. It was part of the herd mentality: the Community versus the Other.
The clown sat there silently and took the abuse, not even bothering to pick up the scattered flyers that were already blowing away. Penny looked around at the people who had stopped to watch, wondering if any of them were going to intervene.
“I’m talking to you, freak! Get out of our town!”
Normally, she avoided conflict at all cost, but this asshole struck a sour chord in Penny’s chest. Blood boiling, she pushed herself between the clown and the man, forcing him to take a step back.
“Hey! What are you doing? He’s just trying to do his job!” She raised her voice to draw more attention from passersby.
The man sneered down at her. “Working for the devil, maybe.”
Ah, religion, another way to define a Community and ostracize the Other. It made sense that someone so connected would feel bold enough to be confrontational. She was having none of it.
“Seriously? He’s a clown. Leave him alone before I call the cops.”
The man scowled at her. Fear flashed in her heart when she saw him clench his fists. It had been impulsive to jump in between them without any regard to her own safety, but there was nothing she could do about that now. Heart pounding, she braced herself for whatever came next.
The man glanced at the watching crowd before returning his glare to her. He scoffed and took a step back. “Screw that! Open your eyes. I hope they take you too!”
With that parting jab, he turned on his heel and stalked away. Penny released the breath she was holding, her heart still thudding loudly. She trembled slightly as adrenaline coursed through her system. She had no idea where that bravado came from, but she doubted she would do anything like that ever again.
She turned around to face the clown who was still seated on the ground. He looked up at her with eyes wide behind his mask. He seemed oddly adorable, like a frightened puppy unsure of its surroundings. She smiled at him and held out a hand.
“Hey there, are you okay? Let me help you up.”
He stared at her outstretched hand for a moment before he silently took it. She tried not to stare at his gloves– they were gorgeous, the claws a subtle yet effective touch to his costume. She held back a shudder of delight when the points gently scraped her skin and focused on the task at hand. She gripped his wrist and leaned back to help haul him to his feet.
He unfolded himself gracefully from the pavement, seemingly without need of her assistance. Fully upright, he was so tall, she had to crane her neck to see his face. He loomed over her, his pale mask fixed in a jovial grin, no longer resembling a little puppy. Penny blushed and took a step back to give him some space.
“So um, sorry about that. Some people are kind of assho– jerks.” It seemed wrong to swear in front of him for some reason. She nervously tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “Hopefully, he was a one off, but you should probably keep your distance, you know?”
He nodded in response, the little bells on his hat jingling. It was impossible to tell what he was thinking behind the mask, but he was relatively unbothered, even with a fresh cut on his cheek. Penny gasped when she noticed it.
“Oh, hey! Just a moment, I have something for your face. You should probably see a doctor if it hurts though.” She rooted around in her bag and pulled out a pink, kitty bandage– what a day for her to only pack the cutesy ones. She flushed as she held it out to him.
He tilted his head at it curiously. She fully expected him to reject her offering, but to her surprise he reached out and delicately took the bandage from her fingers, being mindful of his claws. Penny grinned, feeling a giddy burst of excitement as she watched him stick the bandage to his face. It was nice to be able to help someone.
The strip of pink clashed with the rest of his costume, but it also looked cute on him, like a little blush on his pale cheek. It was kind of silly that he put it on over his mask, but he was a clown, after all. And he was very pretty, for a clown. He wore a costume of dark red and golden yellow distinguished with a wide, ruffled collar. He had a large, jester-style hat adorned with bells and a gold star on each of the three sleeves. Long strands of silver hair framed his pale mask, which was decorated with a wide grin and dark lines like tear streaks through his eyes. Everything about him seemed long and exaggerated, from his grin to his clawed fingertips. It was uncanny but not unpleasant, especially for an actor in a horror show.
Penny blinked and realized that she had been staring. He had been silently watching her all this time. She met his gaze– strange, yellow eyes that glowed from beneath his mask– and smiled. The silence should have been awkward, but it felt… nice… warm. It was if they were in their own quiet bubble, two outsiders sharing camaraderie in spite of the uncaring world around them. It was the most fulfilled she had felt in ages– the deepest connection she had ever shared with a stranger.
Reality caught back up to her, bursting the bubble. She sighed. “Hey, um, I’ve got to get going, or I’ll be late for work. You know how it is.”
He nodded again, still not saying a word.
She turned slightly and waved goodbye. “Take care, okay?”
He returned her wave with a cheery one of his own. That bandage really did look cute on him; it almost looked like he was blushing. Penny blushed in response and hurriedly walked away. If she lingered any longer, she was going to be late to work.
Lucky for her, she arrived right on time. She was actually a little early, but the coffee shop was packed, patrons crowding inside to get away from the cold. Her boss called out to her as soon as he spotted her by the door. There was no time to dwell on thoughts of the pretty clown or the warm, tingly feelings they elicited; she had work to do.
She quickly stowed her bag in the breakroom and donned her apron, tying it as she walked back into the shop. Her boss was manning the counter, taking and preparing orders as quickly as possible. He looked relieved when he saw her approach.
“Start as soon as you can. Carol’s running late, and I’ve been covering for her,” he explained. “The orders are already on the counter, please take them to the tables.”
Penny glanced at the clock in confusion. Carol was supposed to be there hours ago to help with the morning rush. “You covered her whole shift? Is she okay?”
The boss shrugged his broad shoulders. “I couldn’t reach her. Maybe she isn’t feeling well.”
“Right. I’ll get started.”
There was no time to worry about Carol with all of the customers in need of service. Back in her hometown, Penny never would have considered becoming a barista, but she was surprisingly good at it. There was a bit of a learning curve when it came to preparing coffee, but by now she knew how to make all of the orders. The real trick came to dealing with customers. She took advantage of the fact that people were less wary around service employees to form superficial connections with the patrons. She could make small talk, say the right things at the right places, and act like she belonged among them. A few of the regulars even knew her by name.
She approached the first table, smiling brightly as she dropped off their order. The customers acknowledged her with a quick thanks, but they were soon caught up in their conversation about the circus. Listening to them reminded her of the clown from earlier, and she felt a pang of… longing?... It was weird, but she wanted to see him again. She hoped he was doing alright.
After ensuring there was nothing else they needed, she left the ladies to their gossip and approached the next table. He was regular, though she never caught his name. He smiled when he saw her with his hot chocolate.
“Thanks, Penny! I’ve really been craving something warm with this cold weather.”
She smiled sympathetically. “It got cold all of a sudden, didn’t it?”
“Yeah, the weather has been all over the place. You leave the house with a jacket and an umbrella, and you still end up sweating by the end of the day,” he remarked with a laugh.
She returned his laugh with a friendly roll of her eyes. “Tell me about it.”
Just then, Penny could swear the smell of the coffee shop was replaced with the cold air of the outdoors. She looked up in case she missed the bell, but the door was firmly closed. She subtly inhaled through her nose, but all she could smell was the warm scent of coffee. Weird. Maybe it was her proximity to the window making her image things.
She returned her attention to the customer. “Well, I’ve got a couple more orders. You let me know if you need anything else, okay?”
“Sure thing! Don’t work too hard, now.”
She felt a wave of affection as she walked away. Her brow furrowed. Affection? She got along with the regular, but not enough to be affectionate. She must still be riding high from her good deed of the day, and it was mixing up her emotions. She picked up the next order and nearly burned herself on the coffee, a harsh reminder that she needed to pay attention to what she was doing.
The two customers at the last table were talking quietly with each other, but they pulled apart as she approached. One of them thanked her as she delivered the order, but the other surprised her with a question.
“Hey barista, did you see the news?”
She furrowed her brow as she tried to recall anything particularly noteworthy, but nothing came to mind. “Hm no, sorry. Did something happen?”
“They’re still talking about the one who disappeared."
This again? Penny fixed a look of polite concern in her face. “Didn’t they run off with a lover or something?”
“No one knows for sure,” the first customer said solemnly.
The other customer spoke up again. “I just wanted to say… Be careful if you are leaving late, okay? This place closes quite late, so… stay alert, alright?”
She smiled, still polite. “Will do. Thanks for the heads-up! Enjoy your coffee!”
It was sweet of them to care, but really it was starting to seem like everyone in this town was paranoid. There was only one missing person, and it sounded like they had run off of their own volition to live a romantic fantasy– hardly the markings of a serial kidnapper. Penny wondered if people would care as much if she disappeared like that. Not that she had any romantic aspirations, but a girl could dream.
She felt a sudden burst of longing so intense that it almost hurt. Penny placed a hand over her fluttering heart. What the hell? She had not felt anything like that since her first crush in middle school. She had given up on relationships a long time ago, so where was this coming from?
A large shadow passed over the window, making her whip around. She looked outside, but nothing was there except some doodled hearts on the fogged glass. Looking at them made her feel another pang. Were they drawn for someone or just a cute pattern? It was a shame she was going to have to clean that window later.
She sighed and shook her head. She needed to stop getting lost in her feelings and focus on work. She turned back towards the counter and nearly collided with her boss. He was standing close, scowling at a crumbled flyer in his hand.
“I’m sick of ripping these off my windows.” He balled up the flyer and tossed it in the garbage. “Don’t let anyone hand them out in here. And when you have a minute, go around and pick up the ones scattered around.”
Penny’s shoulders slumped as she looked at the mess of papers that littered the floor and tables. “Yes, sir.”
He tsked and took the empty trays from her. Penny knew he disliked being addressed formally, which is why she only did it when he gave her an unsavory task. She shot him a half-hearted smirk and started picking up the flyers. Customers just left them wherever, stained, crumpled, and torn. It made her think of the poor clown again.
She shot her boss a tentative look as she shuffled the flyers into a neat stack. “People are being kind of rude to those circus folks, don’t you think?”
He barely glanced at her as he cleaned behind the counter. “The way they act freaks people out. Best to keep them away, bad for business.”
Normally her boss was a little more patient, but he was having a bad day. Despite his large stature and monstrous tattoos, he was actually a very gentle person– the kind of man who noticed a young woman moping at the counter and ended up offering her a job. Penny was grateful to have him as her boss, even when he was in a bad mood like today. At least he never took his frustrations out on his employees, which was more than could be said for other business owners in the area.
She chose not to argue with him and returned to cleaning up the flyers. She had just finished clearing the tables when the door bell jingled, signalling another customer had entered the shop. She cheerfully called over her shoulder without looking, “Welcome! Have a seat wherever you like.”
A crisp, masculine voice called back, “Thanks! I’d like a strong, hot coffee.”
“Right away!”
She looked up and saw her boss already preparing the order. He nodded and set the cup on the counter for her. She hurriedly tucked the flyers under one arm and balanced the tray with her other hand, watching it carefully so as not to spill as she walked over to the table.
“Here you go! One hot coffee.”
“Thanks. It’s really cold outside,” the stranger commented as she set his drink in front of him.
She looked up to reply and froze, her heart lurching painfully in her chest. The moment she met the stranger’s gaze, everything shifted around her, her vision narrowing to this anomaly in front of her.
Something was very wrong.