Work Text:
«'You don’t get it...
Get dressed and feast upon it.
Aren’t you sick of the labels they tag you with?
So go face what’s coming and don’t ask why.
You can’t just sit there, fake a headache, and cry.
I’ve always got your back, but now you’ve got to grip the trigger...»
[PROVANT - Sawano Hiroyuki]
-Today's menu for Lobo's Family-
“Long ago, there had been a meeting.
The scene had lasted less than a second. But…
He would remember that scene vividly even when he had gone to hell.
Locks of hair illuminated by the moonlight…”
[Kinoko Nasu - Fate/Hollow Ataraxia].
Maybe on another occasion he wouldn't have minded finding himself in that situation, maybe months ago he would have let himself be carried away by the chaos of the moment and simply flowed with that tide of violence and unbridled passion which used to be so common in his previous routine; months ago he would have done that with a certain excitement, with a certain enthusiasm, with that palpable need to feel something beyond the constant tedium and boredom that invaded him when he wasn't out on one of his many hunting nights, in one of his many crusades to get rid of the most disgusting underworld that could walk the planet. And yet, today he felt somewhat strange being in that seedy alleyway observing the pathetic attempt at a human being, who, curled up on the floor, begged (with teeth colored in crimson) for that beating to end once and for all.
And while one part of him seemed satisfied to be able to release some tension and boredom from his body, there was another part that couldn't stop feeling somewhat nervous.
[After all (and even though he would never say it out loud) Karen's presence by his side, in situations like these, always managed to make the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end with ease]
Even though he deeply hated that hazel-colored wing, even though she had her beautiful face covered and didn't utter a word, that way she would have allowed him (to some extent) to also participate in the punishment for that shitbag.
[Because it was a fucking reality that Karen -fucking amazing- Page only needed to give him a determined look to end that "game"]
In the same way that a slight movement of her head was a kind of approval for him to finish that with a flourish.
[Or he might consider it that way, given the bastard's whimpering that began at the moment he grabbed him roughly by the hair.]
"If I find out you laid a hand on that girl again, I assure you, your fucking fingers won't be the only thing you lose…”
He may have been a little surprised to hear his voice again with that deep, guttural quality, so characteristic of those nights of yesteryear when he enjoyed hunting scum.
[But he wasn't surprised at how easy it was to smash that motherfucker's head against one of the walls of that alley]
Once... Twice... Three times…
[It would be wrong if he continued a fourth, a fifth... If he continued until he finished the job? Because according to his logic, it wasn't worth it for a piece of scum who was capable of harming the supposed person he loved to continue wasting oxygen.]
And he would have continued, he really would have continued, if it hadn't been for a couple of pats on his shoulder that stopped him in his tracks.
[That action caused his brown irises to meet her blue ones, and his grip on the inert sac of flesh to loosen until a dull sound could be heard.]
Damn! Exchanging glances with Karen always made him think things through a little better, the mere fact of knowing that she was there by his side, witnessing (and in her opinion, judging) what he was doing, she always managed to make him think about the situation a little and in the end he would let himself be done as soon as the blonde caught his right hand with both of her hands.
[As if she never wanted to let him go... Just like he had told her so many years ago.]
Watching her place a subtle and gentle kiss on it, he could hear her murmur softly enough to be heard only by him.
"That's enough, Frank... That kind of bastard doesn't deserve your energy being wasted on him."
The fact that his response was a sort of grunt was a sign of how little he liked the idea.
"Are you fucking serious, Karen?"
"As fucking serious as you can imagine, Frank."
The stern tone that left the blonde's lips in almost a sigh blended perfectly with his snort and the stubborn tone of his own voice.
Damn! One day Page would kill him for her words.
[But he wouldn't mind dying by Karen's hand, if she did it with the same gentleness with which she had begun to pull his arm, in an attempt to get them both to leave]
In the same way that he didn't mind giving in to that action, in a similar way to how he had done with the kid so long ago.
[Although it was far from that encounter with that son of a bitch and his disgusting photography studio. Because the way the woman charmed him with her flirtatious voice made him stray into much more lascivious thoughts.]
"Although, well... If you can't get rid of the scum, I suppose you can at least destroy his car, that might justify an attack... Don't you think so, Frank?"
[Damn! He was definitely completely fucked]
He must have been completely screwed the moment he finally accepted the woman’s request, as soon as he let himself be carried away at the moment he allowed the blonde to be with him when he saw the disaster that ended up the car, as soon as he let her do what she wanted once they finished that -mischief-, he knew he was completely screwed over by her the instant he let himself be led by Karen (in a childish way, to say the least) to get away from that disaster; while his body was gently pulled by the woman in an attempt to blend in with the pedestrians, while a somewhat silly smile appeared on his lips, he managed to hear a soft giggle escape Karen's lips.
[Making Frank wonder if she would have laughed like that if she had done something mischievous when she was much younger]
Causing Castle (like an obedient puppy in need of affection) to begin questioning -once again- his reason for having agreed to do something, which, in his opinion, he wasn't supposed to do in his (but damn boring) new life.
Since he was supposed to have "left" that vest (even if only temporarily) hidden away in the top part of the closet of his mind.
[Since this period in San Francisco was supposed to be just a stop to recharge and recover from pain and injuries, before trying once again to wrest New York from the hands of the Fisks once and for all.]
Since, returning to California was supposed to be a good thing for both of them (although under his somewhat twisted logic it was better for Karen than for him), because it was supposed to be good to take some time for him to fly under the radar.
[Because Frank Castle was supposed to have died at the hands of the Kingpin and should remain that way until the time came.]
Because "quiet Pete" was supposed to be at home thinking about what damn bottle of wine he should buy to celebrate the arrival of the new year within the next few hours.
And yet, there he was, letting himself be led by the blonde through the steep streets of San Francisco, recalling in some detail the situation that had led them to that precise moment, remembering that afternoon a couple of days ago.
That afternoon when the blonde stormed out of her workplace, muttering angry words all the way home, where Page had ended up venting during the dinner they were both sharing. By getting Frank to stop eating from his plate in a similar way to how (the no longer so little) Lobo had stopped chewing on one of his toys.
[Maybe on another occasion Karen would have laughed about it while telling him about it]
"I just can't believe it, Frank! How dare they let a son of a bitch like that go free?!"
Hearing Karen speak with such anger (like he hadn't heard her since the last night that they spended in New York) only made his gaze meet hers, at the same time, without much delicacy, he rested his chin on his right hand and allowed himself to let out a laugh tinged with a certain mockery.
“But since when did life become fair, ma’am? You and I, we both know that justice is nothing but a load of bullshit.”
Seeing her purse her lips, with her cheeks red for rage, and the way she looked at him with those blue irises bathed in a certain poison, made him shudder slightly.
[Because Frank Castle would be a total liar if he didn't admit that he absolutely loved those kinds of gestures from the woman]
Because after all, there was an agreement between them that had existed for almost a decade: They would always tell each other the truth.
"What the hell are you talking about, Frank?"
"That you know that only your stupid altar boy still believes the fucking system works; when you and I have seen the exact opposite."
Three seconds, three silent seconds, were enough for the woman to finally exhale sharply, while she seemed to fight the urge to click her tongue in a gesture of frustration.
"Ugh, it's just... It's so unfair..."
Hearing the frustration in Page's voice only made Frank slump listlessly in his chair, resting his head against the back and he devoted himself to deciphering the patterns he was beginning to notice on the ceiling, feeling unable to offer any further opinion beyond what he had already stated.
Since Karen knew his opinion regarding justice, because Karen knew very well the image he had of that blindfolded entity who always carried a scale with her.
[Where in his opinion that enigmatic creature was nothing more than a cheap prostitute who sold herself to the highest bidder]
A vile creature that sheltered beasts like William Rawlins or Wilson Fisk under its cloak of impunity, who died (and probably would die) with their crimes and abuses being swept under the rug.
[A disgusting whore who did her job so badly that he ended up doing it himself from time to time]
Even so (and as if by a supernatural impulse) his gaze once again turned in the direction of the blonde, at the moment he could swear that her voice seemed to be tinged with a certain sadness.
“It’s so unfair that that bastard walks freely through the streets while the poor Ayako has to cover her bruises with makeup…”
Castle opened his mouth, but no words left his vocal cords at first, as he pondered what he heard, while his brain (slightly/very messed up) tried to remember where he had heard that particular name.
Had he heard it in New York?
Was it the name of someone he should care about?
[The answer came to him in a peculiar way, just as those questions had, accompanied by the uncomfortable sensation of his guts churning]
Just like Page's voice did, the instant it captured his attention again.
"Ugh! It's so frustrating! It really is…”
[Of course I remembered her! Ayako, Karen's co-worker whom I used to see occasionally when I went to pick her up in the afternoons]
"Can you believe that son of a bitch laid a hand on her and still got away with just a scolding and a gentle ear pull? Because, ha! I find it unbelievable”
[Ayako, that petite woman who looked tiny next to someone as tall as the blonde.]
“I just don’t understand how there are so many bastards like that walking freely in the streets…”
[Ayako, that shy woman who greeted him with a subtle wave whenever she saw him.]
"Those kinds of bastards should end up with broken bones…”
[Ayako, the kind woman who had given him a cup of coffee (even if it was from that machine that Karen complained about so much) one of the first times he went to pick up her from work, under the excuse that "he would surely be cold"]
The words that left Frank's mouth at that moment came almost automatically.
"So you want me to do something about this son of a bitch, Kare?"
“Eh?!”
The blonde's voice, filled with astonishment, had an immediate answer.
"Are you kidding me, Frank? Are you fucking serious?"
“As fucking serious as I can say it, Ma'am.”
“Damn… I really don’t understand what goes through your head sometimes, Frank.”
The little giggle that escaped the woman's lips made him chuckle under his teeth.
[Because deep down, even he couldn't understand what was happening in that flammable mud pit that was his head]
“So?”
“Do you expect me to authorize this?”
“You know this kind of thing works.”
“I know, it’s just that…”
“I can let you join, if that’s what you want.”
“But what kind of things are you suggesting me, Frank…”
“But only if that’s what you want, Karen.”
“I… Okay…”
“Okay?”
“Okay”
~O~
Maybe it was the adrenaline crash, maybe it was the everyday routine of that home he shared with Karen, that the return to the place felt extremely strange to him (maybe even somewhat surreal), maybe it was the sensation of the soft fur of Lobo's ears in his hands, or maybe it was the normalcy with which he saw the blonde talking on the phone that managed to throw him off for a few moments, this caused the hairs on the back of his neck to stand on end, while a shiver ran down his spine. As if he were being prepared to flee.
As if he had a need to fight back against something that human eyes could not see.
[As if he had to defend himself against a threat that was beyond the tangible.]
As if someone, or rather something, was trying to disturb that "normality" that shouldn't exist after everything he had done.
[As if something... As if some kind of entity (made of putrid mud) were whispering in his ear that this everyday life was something that monsters like him didn't deserve.]
Because monsters like him shouldn't have any peace.
[Because monsters like him should rot inside the entrails of some dead deity, not live a peaceful life.]
Because monsters like him shouldn't get a warm, cozy ending. And he knew it, he really knew it...
[After all, monsters like him shouldn't celebrate a new year…]
—Was he dreaming?—
Without even thinking, those words left his lips as soon as his gaze turned back to Page, without mediating them, without analyzing them, as crude and raw as his tormented mind could be.
“Why do you love me, Karen?”
He guessed he'd said something wrong, as a worried expression crossed the woman's face.
[It had to be, because he could feel his trigger finger tapping frantically on the dog's fur]
—Was this really a dream?—
"Huh? Are you serious, Frank?"
—Or was it a hallucination?—
"Why do you love me?"
“Are you playing a trick on me?”
The blonde's question made him frown slightly, as if he found it strange to hear.
“Why?”
“For the love of… I can’t believe you’re asking me this!”
“I said, why?”
“I think you know the answer, Frank.”
“Bullshit!”
Because he didn't know that answer, or failing that, he didn't believe he had the correct answer, because according to his logic (some days more twisted than others) the answer to that was undoubtedly an incoherent stream of meaning, maybe it was inviting violence to knock on his door again that had thrown him off balance a little, because in his opinion the answer was something that his mind didn't like very much.
Because beings like him weren't supposed to think about things like that.
[Because love was something he didn't deserve]
—Because in a sane world, BEASTSLIKEHIMDIDNOTDESERVETHATKINDOFTHINGS—
Who knows what stupid things he was saying (or doing), but all he knew was that his face had been taken by the woman's right hand, who was now sitting in front of him, who now didn't take those blue irises away from him, with an attitude as firm as it was gentle, as gentle as those caresses that the other had begun with her thumb the instant she took him by the chin.
A kindness that the dog seemed to want to imitate with the licks he gave to one of his forearms.
If this was a dream, he hoped that no one would wake him up.
“Damn, because you know there's no one else in the world who can read me the way you do, Frank… Because you know there's no one in the world I can understand the way I understand you...”
The fact that the blonde made him look at her again every time he tried not to, was a sign that she didn't want him to miss anything.
“Because you know who I am, the real me, and yet you're still here... Because you don't want me to fit in your opinions, because you let me be my own person…”
Was it normal that he wanted to melt at her touch?
[Because that sounded better than admitting that so much caressing was starting to turn him on.]
Because of the way he let himself be taken until he was just centimeters from the blonde's lips, enjoying the closeness, losing himself in her pleasant scent. Longing to devour her as he had so many times throughout the day.
[If all his stupid thoughts led him to this... He would undoubtedly still be a stupid human]
“Because despite knowing all my sins, it seems that it doesn’t matter to you, because you love me unconditionally, in the same way that I love yo-”
—Damn, life was definitely a bitch when it came to interrupting them like that.—
As ridiculous as it sounded, Frank ended up huffing with an almost childish anger, as soon as the atmosphere (the delightful atmosphere) changed because of the doorbell, because of the barking of a protective Lobo and because of a tension that both he and Karen felt the moment they realized they weren't expecting visitors, a tension that made him stand up in a couple of milliseconds while he grabbed his gun and approached, like a predator in the middle of a hunt, the threshold of the door.
After all, they were supposed to spend New Year's Eve together, with no other presence beyond their own and the dog's.
Since they were supposed to watch silly movies while waiting for midnight, then drink some liquor and then go to bed.
[Although he wouldn't complain if, after the liquor, they decided to greet the new year with something more lewd]
The voice on the other side of the door, accompanied again by the sound of the doorbell, made him tense up once more.
"Um... Miss Page, are you at home?"
Karen's slightly confused expression made him take the safety off his gun.
"I... Well... I have an order from Miss Ayako. Could you open the door? Please…”
Finally, his gaze met the woman's again, and he could see an expression of surprise on her face, while he could see her stand up with a faint smile on her lips as she approached the door, much more relaxed than a few moments before.
As he watched her take the puppy in her arms with an almost supernatural grace and charm.
Meanwhile, he could feel one of her hands patting his chest a couple of times while she assured him that it was nothing to worry about, and she gently lowered the gun to him with one of her hands, and later she then gestured for him to leave the gun on the nearby table.
As Castle finished with the fur-black puppy in his arms, Page made it his turn to carry him.
[Damn! That woman definitely knew when to pull the imaginary leash hanging around his neck]
"Don't worry Frank, it seems Ayako sent a thank-you gift earlier than I expected."
Because it was Karen's relaxed voice that finally made the tension in his body dissipate, because it was her brief (and flirtatious) smile that made him obediently stay still while she opened the door and took the order from the arms of that young messenger, because her beautiful nod was reason enough for him to obediently follow her once the door closed again. He heard her chuckle softly the moment he saw her place the contents of that package on the kitchen counter.
"Well, I guess I know what our New Year's Eve dinner will be, Frank…”
His expression (and perhaps the dog's) must have been pathetic, because hearing Karen laugh again only made him suspect it.
[Because while he could enjoy rosé wine, sushi wasn't usually his first choice]
There was no doubt, this New Year's Eve was full of surprises.
~O~
If someone had asked him a few months ago how he was going to spend his New Year's Eve? The answer that would have left his lips would have been tinged with a dark tone and bathed in sarcasm, maybe his answer would have been a heavy laugh (one of those that sounds almost like a growl) while he was playing with that unkempt beard he had during that time, maybe he would have responded with boredom and total disinterest something like, "It didn't matter, it was just another day.", or maybe he wouldn't have even responded, maybe he would have just grunted as he finished turning his attention to cleaning his extensive collection of weapons.
Or maybe he had spent his night playing with the frequencies of his police radio, in an attempt to keep moving.
Or maybe, maybe, he would have used that night to hunt down every scum that crossed his path, not caring about getting soaked in his own or others' blood.
[As if that would alleviate the heaviness and discomfort that used to invade his guts at those times]
But that whole decadent scene was far removed from what their New Year's Eve was like right now, since the "homey and quiet" environment was practically the opposite of what someone (or himself) could ever associate with his own person, because the image of the fearsome (and monstrous) Frank Castle calmly dining with Karen and that noisy puppy was rather peculiar.
Just as peculiar as he was, trying to use chopsticks without dropping any of his dinner.
Just as peculiar as the blonde was, struggling not to laugh too loudly about it.
As peculiar as the mischievous Lobo, who kept running around the table in an attempt to catch any scraps that fell to the floor.
As peculiar as it would be for him to be spending such an "ordinary" night amidst sushi rolls and rosé.
[As peculiar as the calm and normality was, it was completely opposite to the chaos and violence in which he used to live.]
Chaos and violence, which, to his surprise at least today, he wasn't missing too much.
[Because he would be lying if he didn't say that he missed that normalcy from time to time, to the point of having agreed to do what he had done today.]
He was so absorbed in his own thoughts that the small shiver that ran down his spine when he heard the blonde's voice was a sign that he was somewhat distracted.
"Hmm, you know... The fact that we're eating sushi right now reminded me of something Ayako told me once."
"Can food do that?"
Feeling judged by those blue eyes was a signal for him to shut his mouth.
"Tsk, just be quiet and listen, okay?"
A nod from her and the fact that he brought another bite to his mouth was a sign that he was listening attentively.
“It’s about tonight… Ayako told me that around this time her parents used to prepare a very special dish because it has a specific meaning for the date.”
"Yes, I suppose other people's customs can be quite curious."
"Hmm... Although I must confess I found that meaning lovely… After all, it's lovely to have a special dinner in the company of the people you want to be with next year and also be with them forever”
He didn't know why, but he almost choked on one of the many bites of his dinner, feeling strangely embarrassed by what he was hearing.
[Feeling somewhat strange at how pleasant the idea of spending the rest of his days with Karen was, it made him feel really good]
A pleasure that he managed to disguise thanks to the noise and the jumps that the puppy began to make in search of any scraps that might fall to the ground.
This caused another light laugh to escape Page's lips at the sight she was witnessing.
And he ended up commenting, as if to say he felt the same way.
"Well, you know I'd like to be with you forever too, right?"
The blush he noticed on his partner's face, as well as her nod, made him feel strangely embarrassed.
The animal seemed to ignore this shame, as he began to run energetically in circles around the table while barking enthusiastically.
This action caused both Frank and Karen to let out a small laugh, shortly before she raised her glass and he imitated the gesture, without losing the expression of pleasure on his face, as if it were a silent promise, as if being together was their purpose for this and their next years together.
Because being together, the idea of staying together, the mere thought of spending their days in someone else's company right now seemed possible to them, and for now, that would be his purpose for the new year that was drawing ever closer.
For now, he expected nothing more.