Chapter Text
The first time it happened started the theory.
The second time it happened was a test.
And the third time it happened? Well, that was the proof.
Aloy hadn't expected to actually fall asleep that first night. But then again, nothing that had happened on that night, Aloy had expected in any way. Not Kotallo coming out, not the conversation that they had held. And certainly not the way that he had held her afterwards, or the way she had so easily allowed herself to be held.
Or the fact of how good it felt to be held.
So that was the start. The theory. But no theory is worth anything without proof—without evidence, it is just an idea. So the next night it happened, Aloy was testing it. She can admit that to herself, even now. Testing herself, for certain. Trying to see how easy it might be to fall asleep there—if it was the place, or… or the person.
The third time was the proof. She hadn't even meant it as such—the only thought on her mind was just how tired she was, and how she would do almost anything to get some decent sleep.
And Kotallo had been right there.
And despite almost a week spent with little rest to speak of spread across it, of far too many nights left sleepless and alone, the second her body folded up against Kotallo's, it felt as if her mind finally fell silent, and she was finally able to rest.
She sleeps better when Kotallo is there. Theory, test, and proof.
Now all she has to do is get Varl to quit staring at her like that.
Aloy sighs as she pushes back from the workstation in the lab, the newest upgrade to her bow left ignored in light of Varl's lingering presence still hovering just outside the door. "Can I help you with something?" She calls out, giving him a flat look.
For his credit, Varl has the decency to wince and at least look slightly guilty about being caught, but it doesn't stop him from hesitating outside the door either.
The sound of heavy footsteps, and suddenly Erend is there too.
No. Not hesitating. Stalling.
Aloy pushes away a few loose strands of hair from her forehead, and squints at her two friends. "Come on in." She gestures at the rest of the lab, and doesn't even bother to question it when Erend taps the door closed. He doesn't lock it, at least, but there's still something more serious just by that small separation of them from the rest of the Base.
She waits until they've settled into the lab across from her—turning slightly to face them—to finally cross her arms over her chest and give them an appraising look. "Alright," Aloy says, gesturing roughly with one hand. "Out with it."
She's not even really sure she wants to know what "it" is, but obviously it's enough for Varl and Erend both to have been giving her strange looks the past few days, or hovering around without ever speaking, and honestly? She's grown just a little bit sick of it.
She still hasn't gotten a full night's sleep since curling up with Kotallo a few days before.
"So," Varl starts, and he rocks his weight forwards and back, just a bit. He's nervous. It's not as bad as she's seen before, but Aloy has noticed that whenever he's wired up about something, Varl always lets some of that tension bleeds out in small, subtle movements, like rocking back and forth the way he is now. "Aloy."
He's managed to say her name. They're making great progress here.
"That's me," she answers, and Varl won't really meet her eye, so she skips her gaze over towards Erend instead.
The man is practically red—his whole face flushed and burning up even to the tips of his ears. "We wanted to talk with you," Erend blurts out, roughly elbowing Varl in the side of his ribs. "Right, Varl?"
Varl coughs, elbowing Erend away from him. "Right! We ah—uh…"
Another beat. Neither of them says anything more. Aloy rolls her eyes, and begins to turn back to her unfinished bow—
"So Kotallo, huh?"
His name in Varl's mouth makes her pause. Aloy turns back.
"Kotallo… what?"
He's been out, the past few days. Not her fault, he assured her. Just Marshal related news that passed up through Rukka, and he had to go deal with the matter. It would have been nice, if he could have stuck around. She can't even lie to herself—the past few nights Aloy had found herself curling up against a spare bedroll, as if trying to trick her body into thinking he was there, just so she could get a few decent hours of sleep.
Hasn't worked yet. Not that she would admit to anyone else that's what she had been trying.
And maybe she's been fantasizing just a little bit that one of these days she'll walk back into the main room and he'll just be sitting there, and he will let her curl up against him again and wrap his arm around, and Aloy might actually be able to sleep again.
"We're just happy!" Varl says quickly, nodding almost too enthusiastically, and he elbows Erend into smiling as well. It doesn't really make much sense. "You know. For you."
Aloy glances between the two of them again. Erend doesn't seem as happy. Erend looks like he's about to overheat any second now. "… sure." A pause. Aloy sighs, shifting her weight forward. "What are we happy about?"
"How long have the two of you been a thing?" Erend doesn't answer her question, just pitches out one of jis own—the words all come out in one big rush. But at least the man looks like he can finally breathe again! "I mean, right under our noses and everything! And then you just—" he gestures vaguely at her. That doesn't help anything.
"I'm sorry—" Aloy holds her hands up. Knits her brow together. "What kind of thing? Because Kotallo and I aren't anything. He's just—" my Marshal hangs just on the tip of her tongue, but somehow, Aloy bites it off. It's true, technically, but something about the term doesn't feel right in this moment. And it's not like she's got a lot of time to figure it out, not with the way Varl and Erend both are still looking at her right now. "He's under my command. He's here under assignment from Hekarro. He's my ally."
She sinks her weight back, gesturing at them. "If anything, he's my friend. Just like the two of you are my friends."
Erend scoffs, and mutters something under his breath to Varl. Aloy's not really sure if he's even trying to hide it or not, seeing as she hears every word. "And yet you don't see her falling asleep on either of us, do you?"
"That's not fair," Aloy counters. "It's not as if either of you ever offered."
Varl stares at her, wide eyed. "Kotallo asked you to sleep with him?"
"No?" Aloy shakes her head, her brow furrowing again. "You aren't listening. He offered. Said if I had problems falling asleep, I could go to him and he would help me out until I'm tired enough to sleep."
Erend is turning bright red again. Actually, somehow he looks to be even more red than he had been before. "I can't be here," he groans, trying to turn and slip past Varl. "I don't want to know these things." Varl just pushes against his chest and holds him in place.
"Seriously—" Varl snaps at Erend, before jerking his attention back to Aloy. "You're not… anything? Or a thing?"
"I'm tired," Aloy offers up, and it's the truth. "And I really need to finish this upgrade before I can even think about trying for a nap."
Varl finally lets Erend go, not that the other man is fighting him very much anymore. "Well. Alright then. I guess we…"
"Got our answers," Erend finishes for him, and this time he's the one grabbing at his friend and pushing him around. "Sounds good. We'll let you get back to work. Bye Aloy!"
Those last few words are said practically pushing Varl back out of the room, and door whooshes shut behind them.
Aloy stares at the closed door for probably longer than she needs to, just blinking and waiting for anything about what just happened to make any sense.
It doesn't, so she huffs out a breath and turns back to her work.
She tries to sleep afterwards—she really does.
Aloy goes through all of the motions that Zo had suggested to her before. Making sure the lights are fully dimmed in her quarters, keeping only one small candle across the room. Having a small wooden mug of tea, whatever blend she had said was most helpful in aiding sleep. Putting on something actually comfortable, instead of just taking off the largest armor pieces.
Aloy's got a few of her own adjustments, too. A pillow she stole from… somewhere. She's not even sure, really. The benches, maybe? It smells like Kotallo, though. Or at least it used to, a few days ago when she had first brought it into her room. If she presses close enough against it, the scent of him is almost there, something like clay and herbs.
Aloy presses against the still fastened bedroll laying on her bed, tucking the pillow under her cheek and tossing her arm over the bundle of blankets, drawing in a deep breath. And if she closes her eyes and clings to that last scent of pine trees, pretending that he's there…
Well, nobody can fault her, right? She tested it—theory, trial, proof—and the fact of it is still there.
She sleeps better with Kotallo there.
But Kotallo isn't here right now.
She gives up about an hour later, rolling onto her back and staring up at the darkened ceiling of her room, the exhaustion pressing back against her chest, just as heavy as it had been before.
It's not really worth the time, anyways.
Aloy sighs, forcing herself to sit up and brush her hair back from her face, and uses her focus to brighten the room so she can put her armor back on.
And if she spends the whole time hoping that Kotallo has suddenly appeared again and will be waiting for her?
Well, that's for her and her alone to know.