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The eyes Iso expects to see when he opens his eyes are not the ones of his wife.
The ones he longs to see? Sure. The ones he would die to see? Absolutely.
But not the ones he expects staring at his blue ones, filled with worry. Not with everything that was going on lately.
Fadime's anger is not one Iso is not used to. But her hatred is hard to accept after being loved by her in a way he could never imagine happening. Her hair she once cut off because he touched is once again far from his reach and the thought of it makes his hands shake.
His ears are buzzing as he thinks maybe his hands are shaking because of blood loss instead of the depressive thoughts invading his brain with no shame.
He doesn't even remember being shot, he realizes. He remembers the sound, he remembers screams, he remembers his back meeting the cold, hard ground.
His vision keeps blurring as he tries to focus on the brown eyes he loves so dearly.
There is something about being shot that feels normal as if it is something that happens daily.
He remembers not being able to imagine dying other than being shot as a child, not knowing there are other ways for someone to die. He remembers being filled with fear whenever he saw his older brother Fatih holding a gun, thinking one day he is going to be the one on the other side of that gun.
Maybe little Iso was right, he jokes to himself. Maybe being a Furtuna brings dying with a bullet tearing you open the only possiblity ever.
There is no Furtuna who is next to his wife. They are all either in prison or six feet under.
It all starts when they think they are finally allowed to happy. When they are free of secrets and lies and living with the constant fear of losing their loved ones.
It is a family gathering, one Iso never thought he would be a part of.
His wife sits next to him as his brother is right in front of him on the other side of the table. Amirum is telling a story about Adil's childhood as Cakir serves the dinner, joking with his very pregnant wife who is sitting with a cheerful face. Esme, Eleni and Fadime are listening to Amirum, giving him their whole attention.
A version of his wife he loves so much is the way she is around her family. The tension that covers her entire body when she is in the Furtuna mansion is gone and her eyes shine bright in a way that makes her look younger, freer. He can't hear what they are talking or laughing about as he lets himself get lost in a happiness he hadn't felt in years.
And then suddenly the door opens and Ilve barges in. Sobbing in a way that makes everyone choke on their laughters.
Everyone is on their feet in seconds but Adil beats them in running next to her.
"Ilve, kizim, talk to me, what is it?" Adil asks with fear as his arms wrap around his cousin.
Esme is right beside them, rubbing Ilve's back with a worry on her face that matches every single one in the room.
Ilve tries to talk but the only sounds that leave her mouth are incoherent ones.
"Let's let her breathe, okay?" Eleni says as she usheres them away from the shaking woman.
Everyone takes a step back but the way all of them stare at her makes Iso think that is not very different from being suffocated inside their small circle.
"It's," a sob escapes Ilve's throat. "It's Gezep. They shot him."
The silence in the room ends with voices getting louder and louder every second.
People are asking questions, trying to find out what happened.
"Is he alive?"
"Yes, yes, but he is..."
Iso doesn't need to turn to look at her to see Fadime freeze in her spot. He doesn't need her to talk to know she is thinking of the same thing.
There is no other possiblity then someone from Furtuna doing this.
Because peace is something temporary when it comes to their families. The feud between Kocaris and Furtunas will never go away just because they say it's over. It's more than two families fighting now. It's two villages of people growing up with the hatred towards each other running in their veins like poison.
A poison like the stone that was thrown at Esme not too long ago. A poison like people attacking the Furtuna Health Center like it's the headquarters of another country trying to invade their homeland.
His hand finds its way to hers and he holds it with a hard grip, trying to remind her that she is not alone. She has him.
But her finger remain still as if she can't feel his touch.
"Where is he?" Adil asks, already wearing his coat.
"They were taking him to the hospital," Ilve says with her voice still shaking.
And suddenly Fadime's hand is out of his reach. She runs to get her jacket before following her brother outside.
"I'll drive," Iso says, trying to get Fadime's attention as he follows her. His car keys are already in his hands as he expects Fadime to walk towards the Kocari pick up he bought from Adil.
Finally her eyes meet his and a lump grows in his throat as he sees that the warmth is fully gone from her eyes. The eyes that are looking at his could be ones of the girl he kidnapped and watched his mother cut the braid off instead of his wife.
"Maybe it's better if you stay here, Iso." Esme says with a soft voice, ever the calm in the storm, placing her hand on his arm.
"Abla-"
"Iso'm."
Iso frowns, trying to understand as he turns back to look at Fadime. But she turns her back to him without muttering a word and walks towards her brother's car. It hurts more than Fadime telling him to stay home. It hurts that she can't keep looking at his eyes like it physically hurts her to. Because he would kill himself before being the reason she is hurt.
She blames him. Iso is not a fool and it's obvious because of the way she basically runs away from him. She chooses to direct her anger to him because he is the closest to her. He can live with that.
But after everything they've been through, after all the times he stood up against his so-called-family for her, it hurts that there is a part of her that still sees him as nothing more than a Furtuna. Nothing more than the nephew of the man who killed her father.
He feels a strong grip on his shoulder. He turns his head to see his brother looking at him with a soft look in his eyes. Because of course, there is no one other than Oruc who understands the burden of being a Furtuna the way he does.
Except, the woman he loves did not grow up seeing him as her enemy. She doesn't run away from him in such situations.
But thinking of if makes him feel guiltier than he already has been. Because Fadime is the last person he can blame when he was the only one she trusted when she thought she lost her brother because of Furtunas.
"Abi," he says with a tired voice.
"Abim," Oruc says with a reassuring smile.
And they might not be psychics but Iso is pretty sure Oruc is telling him to not stay home.
So he forces a smile to his brother and walks towards his pickup. Because he knows, whatever she feels at that moment doesn't change the fact that she feels less deserted next to him. And he promised both of them that he would never make her feel that way again.
He doesn't realize how hard he was gripping the wheel until he is in front of the hospital and realizes the cut across hic knuckles is reopened. The cut Fadime had bandaged with such a tenderness he hadn't ever been treated with.
The white, steryl corridors of the hospital smell like antiseptics and medicines in a way that makes him feel nauseous.
He remembers waiting there after Fadime and Eleni's accident. Their last conversation about divorce keeping echoing in his brain as he kept praying for her to survive, knowing he couldn't live without her even before they admitted their feelings to each other.
He turns left and suddenly the Kocaris are in front of him. He doesn't need to look for her. It's almost like there is an invisible power between them that makes it so easy for his eyes to find her among all the others.
Esme notices him before Fadime, standing up and walking towards him.
"Is he alright, abla?" Iso asks.
"He is still in the surgery. They don't tell us a single thing. But Eleni and Oruc refuse to comment on what they've heard so..."
So, it's bad.
Because he knows Eleni would try her hardest to comfort her family. He knows his brother wouldn't keep his silence, knowing people he cared about was hurting.
He shuts his eyes off as he starts praying. He is not a man who prays all the time. He is nowhere close to competing with his brother. He is so far from him that he almost feels like a hypocrite for the way he keeps praying in hospitals only.
But he is ready to pray every single hour if it's going to keep the woman he loves from hurting.
He walks towards Fadime who is pacing with a blank face. It's almost scary to see her like this instead of screaming and crying. He knows how to calm a screaming Fadime. But this Fadime is a new territory.
"Fadime," he reaches to hold her hand. But the minute his fingers touch hers, she flinches in a way that makes him feel electrocuted.
"Sorry," she says the second she realizes her reaction to his touch.
The first thing she said to him since Ilve told them the news.
"It's okay," he says as he wraps one of his arms around her and brings her close to him.
It's not okay, not really. But he would rather cut his own hand off than making her apologize at that moment.
He doesn't know how long they wait there. The white walls make him unable to understand if it's still day or night anymore.
Eleni and Esme keep trying to soothe Ilve and Adil as Cakir finally convinces Akca to go back home.
He walks around, trying to help as much as he can, which results with him being hugged by Amirum, Akca, Ilve and Adil.
Fadime on the other hand, keeps her silence, resting her head on his shoulder when he sits down in a way it's almost a reflex.
But then the surgeon walks out and Iso doesn't need to wait for him to talk to know Gezep is gone.
He is gone and once again someone Fadime cared about dying is on Furtunas.
Fadime is no longer silent as her sobs wreck through her body. He moves to wrap his arms around her but she is already walking towards Ilve to hug her tightly.
The sound that leaves Ilve's mouth does not sound human to his ears.
It is something torn straight from her chest, raw and broken, echoing through the hallway. Adil catches her before her knees hit the floor, his own face crumpling as he holds her against him.
"No," Ilve sobs. "No, no, no-"
Iso doesn't even want to imagine how she feels. The thought of losing his brother is something he can't imagine bearing and Oruc is not even his twin.
He watches Fadime move toward them instinctively, as if her body has forgotten every exhaustion, every fear. Her urge to soothe her cousin seems to push her own pain down.
When she turns around and their eyes find each other, Iso is scared of the eyes that are staring at him. He expects pain, he expects grief, mourning but he doesn't expect the amount of anger directed at him.
She doesn't talk to him. Not on the way home, not during night as she gives him his pillow, making it clear she doesn't want to sleep next to him, and not during the funeral as they are all soaked with the mixture of rain and tears.
She stays with Ilve after the funeral, mumbling an excuse about not wanting to leave her alone.
Iso is alright with her staying away for a few days. He really is. But there is a part of him that is scared that there is no coming back from this.
Because this is not like Eleni being kidnapped or Adil being shot. Gezep is actually gone and it's because of his family.
It takes her five days to come back to their house.
The house they decorated, thinking they could have a simple, happy life away from the feud and the bloodshed in there.
And her eyes look empty. It almost makes him miss the anger.
"Did you eat?" He asks, not knowing what can he possibly say other than that.
She nods in a way that tells him she is lying. He can read her like a book now, no longer needing words.
He doesn't try to get her to admit but just walks to the kitchen to get her some food.
He doesn't expect her to follow him in there but she just stands in front of the refrigerator and watches him for a while.
"Did they find who did it?" She asks after a few minutes.
He swallows the lump that grows in his throat as he shakes his head.
He expects her to react somehow but the silence is back.
And Allah knows he can't take anymore of it.
"Oruc said-" he starts talking but Fadime interrupts him with a fierce tone.
"I don't care what the reis of Furtuna has to say."
Iso takes his eyes off of the spaghetti in front of him and looks at her with surprise etched in his face.
"Fadime," he says with a controlled tone.
"Iso."
"He is my brother." He reminds her, surprised that he has to.
Oruc almost killed Eyuphan for him, breaking his promise to himself, there is no way Iso could keep his silence when Fadime decides to direct her gun against him.
"And Serif is your uncle, Iso. And Zarife who sold my niece and ordered my brother's death is your mother. And the biggest defender of those demons is your grandmother. And whoever did this to Gezep abim is probably your second or third cousin or whatever. But it's always Furtunas and titles like that and I'm just sick of this whole thing." She rants without taking a breathe between words. "I'm- I'm suffocated, ula!"
Iso stares at her for a while.
He sees the dark circles under her eyes. He sees her disheveled hair and dry lips. He sees her wrinkled clothes. He sees the way she looks like she lost half of her weight in less than a week.
He stands up and moves towards her. He takes one of her hands in his, his wedding ring touching hers softly. "I am a Furtuna too, Fadime. And so is Oruc. It doesn't change the fact that we both would die for you, any of you. I understand why you're angry. But haven't we talked about not carrying the burden of what our families do ages ago?"
He can see his words register in her brain. He can see the way she softens up.
But his phone ringing breaks the moment and suddenly she walks out of the kitchen with light speed leaving him standing on his own.
He sighs as he looks at the number he doesn't know. He answers the call without thinking.
The person at the other end of the line keeps quiet for a while until a clearly edited, computerlike voice speaks. "Come outside, Ismail Furtuna."
It's not someone telling him to go outside that causes his heart to beat faster. It is the word he uses.
Because whoever this person is, is outside of their house. His and Fadime's house. While Fadime is in there.
This person, who is most likely about to threaten him is right outside of their door. Only a wall away from his wife.
He might be a Furtuna, he might be a Kocari, Iso has no idea. But he knows that whoever this is threatening him from somewhere close to where he lives with his Fadime.
That thought alone makes him walk out with rage building inside of him.
But the second he opens the door, sound of a bullet fills his ears.
He hears a familiar voice screaming as he tries to keep his eyes open. But it doesn't take long for his vision to go dark.
The eyes Iso expects to see when he opens his eyes are not the ones of his wife.
The ones he longs to see? Sure. The ones he would die to see? Absolutely.
But not the ones he expects staring at his blue ones, filled with worry. Not with everything that was going on lately.
"Iso? You're awake, oh, thank you Allah'im." Fadime talks with a soft, happy tone he hadn't heard from her in a long time.
He looks around and realizes he is in a hospital room. They really seem to be unable to escape this place. It’s as if blood and tears are one end of a magnet and they are the other. The more they try to pull away, the more they are drawn back together. He probably spent more time in this damn building than he spent his home lately.
Fadime is sitting on a chair next to him. Her eyes are red in a way that makes his heart ache. She tries to stand up but he forces his hand up to hold her from leaving.
She turns to him with obvious surprise. But her face breaks into a smile quickly. "I'm not going anywhere Kilcuk, just going to get the doctor. Okay?" She says before leaning to press a kiss to his forehead.
He stares at her, trying to make sure she is telling the truth.
He lets the breath he was holding out as he nods.
"I'll be waiting, canum karum."