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Zanka couldn’t say he wasn’t disappointed in himself. Cause he was. He was fucking furious at himself for being so ridiculously weak. He was also sad, sad for not having been able to put on a decent fight. Fuck why was he such a disappointment. Why couldn’t he be just like Kyouka or Goka, did the genes ran out when it was his turn? Why had he lost to Hyo? Why had he lost to Jabber? Why had Jabber even want to fight with him in the first place? Why has Jabber so eager to fight “him”? Why did he climb out of that well? So many questions and so little answers. He couldn’t understand why jabber wanted to fight him of all cleaners. Riyo or Enjin would’ve put more of a fight than him. They were geniuses not like zanka boy here. He was just average. What did jabber see him that made him think he was holding back? Why had zanka disappointed him so much he explicitly declared he should’ve chosen another one? What else can Zanka do if training wasn’t enough? What could he do. Who can Zanka blame other if not only himself? Who could’ve Zanka’ve been if he was born like his siblings? Why hasn’t he?
He was playing with dangerous thoughts right now. Very dangerous ones. He remembers what last time happened when he indulged with them. He remembers the face his siblings made the first time they saw him after the incident. No, no he can’t do that again. He now had people who cared for him. People who relied on him. He wouldn’t survive their stares. He certainly wouldn’t. So he had to be strong. He had to gather all his mental strength and keep going. He can’t let people see him for what he was, is and could be. Next time he’ll fight Jabber he’ll show him what he can become, and he’ll never ever want to fight some other genius, cause he’ll have an average Joe to do that job. He’ll show the world that persistence is stronger than talent.
…
Zanka was being led by his instincts in the streets of whatever city he was lost in right now. He couldn’t care less anyway, after all, all the others went to the informer to gain information out of him. And since Zanka was weak enough to get his ass glued to Eisha’s infirmary for what seemed an eternity, he hadn’t had the chance to join them and help them through out their chase.
They called Semiu and informed her of being stuck in the south branch facility, and reported some crucial details of their encounter with raiders, with a particular one that had Zanka grief his incapacity of being in his full strengths. During their cat and mouse play with the eccentric guy lead to Riyo getting seriously injured and Eisha being sent off to the South branch. Semiu then delivered the informations to him directly, since it was the most moral thing to do, after all that was his team, plus some ex raider dude Zanka hasn’t quite understood from what bumfuck nowhere he came from. Zanka then out of nerves of the new lore (specifying he was anxious for his team, not of the mentioned of the guy that keeps haunting his life) decided it was best to walk his musing through a loud crowd and maybe forgetting the burdens he beared on his shoulders. That’s how he ended up buying some stuff for assistaff’s care and a walk through trash knows what back alley.
He just knows he’ll probably come back late to the HQ, but he was too busy looking around himself and all the things the Coffin’s sold, than thinking about Semiu complaining about him coming after the curfew or whatever. At worse he could rent a room or something there in the city and oversleep the night out. It’s not like he lacked money, even though he was probably cut off the patrimony of his family. His siblings nor his parents apparently hadn’t worry enough to tell him that. But that’s not a big problem, after all the Cleaner spot made him enough money, nor he need their help to pay things for his own entertainment.
Usually he spent that money only on Lovely Assistaff’s custody, but there were days as this one where he let himself out of his routine, get something to eat or some new books he’d read on his free days, very rare ones since he always took extra jobs or missions to pass time and show that even a normie was able to bear the same amount of pressure a natural talent could. So yeah, he was walking around in circles thinking about what job he’ll take tomorrow. Yesterday was the last day Eisha imposed him to stay in bed for a decent recovery. He wanted to do something today, beat some trash beasts ass and maybe forget about the masochyst that allegedly didn’t want anything from him anymore. Don’t get him wrong, he tried to, but Semiu said he still wasn’t in his best appearances to get a job entirely done without risking the chance on getting some other injuries. So she sent him off saying she’ll have some other job for him tomorrow.
He was thinking on which supporter take before a familiar wave of dreads flashed before his eyes. ‘No. What is he doing here?’ He was supposed to be far from here. Wasn’t he just some hours ago chasing with the other raiders the informer. How did he- oh yeah, the manhole girl. Wait. Jabber was here. Jabber was walking around without a worry in the world. As if he wasn’t a raider. A raider. No, Zanka needed to stop him. What if he randomly decided to attach innocent people. What if his crazy mind decided to do some other weird shit. So that’s what he did. He stopped his steps, making an old man walk into him, he didn’t even register the insults that were direct his way as he already turned his body and started walking the opposite direction he was taking not even seconds ago. He was determined to catch him this time. He’ll show him he’s worthy fighting.
Jabber might’ve sensed him approaching, and turned around. Locking immediately eyes with Zanka. As soon as Zanka saw his expression, his heart skipped a beat, cause he wasn’t met with the weird warmness he usually was. Zanka never thought that maybe that warmness was only stored while fighting, and probably overshadowed by coldness when not high or when adrenaline wasn’t rushing through the body of the other one. But Jabber’s eyes rapidly changed their tone as soon as he understood who he was facing. Jabber then turned away as fast as he turned to face the aggressor that was following him, and started swiftly pacing away, turning it into running soon after. Zanka did the same thing, with a little of retard in action, as he was taken back from Jabber choice of action. He expected something, a funny comment, a counterattack, something that fell into the character Zanka was familiar with. But not an escape. Jabber would’ve never declined a fight, except… except if Zanka didn’t entered into Jabber’s definition of fight. Yes, that had to be it. Jabber was fucking disappointed with Zanka’s last performance. That trash fucker, who did he think he was? Who did he think he was to just ran away from Zanka ‘cause he didn’t match his previous expectations? Was Zanka that weak? Was Zanka that boring to the point you just ran away, to spare yourself the nuisance of fighting such a dull man?
At some point of their chasing Jabber decided to take a right turn into a lifeless alley, parting away from the thick of the crowd. Zanka followed soon after. Jabber looked back once he jumped on some dumpsters and then on an emergency fire stair, maybe the second or third row starting from the top, finally stopping. Zanka unleashed Assistaff from his back as he jumped as well on the dumpster before jumping, heading to where Jabber was. He took a big swing with Lovely, intending to hit as hard as possible Jabber. But the other jumped away at the last seconds, making Zanka slide into the metallic floor of the stairs. Zanka turned around stopping his slithering with a motion of feet, making some dust wave. He was ready to charge again, stooped only by the ringing of Jabber voice.
“Man I thought you died. Thought you were some kind of hallucination at first, some after effect of the things I take. But one swing of that little chick of yours and any doubt swept away. Fuck if I want to get my ass swept by you too now…” Jabber’s eyes lightened out of pure excitement of the thought. Well, Zanka was familiar with that expression. Wait, what did Jabber mean by that? Wasn’t he running away in hope of avoiding boring fights. “Damn man you really are tougher than I thought since you walked away that combo of venoms I injected you last time. God and you can move without any problems. Damn if you making me hard!” Zanka eyes widened at the last words out of disgust. “EWW MAN THE FUCK’S WRONG WITH YOU! Leave me alone from your sick fantasies!” Zanka spat to the other. Zanka was definitely not fucked enough to endure that shit.
“But Mr. Bad Attitude that’s not my fault if you keep surprising me with such moves. As I said I thought you died after the trash beast fight, and neither you not appearing with your friends today helped my hunch! I guessed they replaced you with my boy Fuu!” Jabber defended himself, raising his hands in the air like a little child. Making Zanka’s brain twitch. “I would never get myself replaced by some racoon feet glazer kid! And I’m not dying until I get my rematch and pound your ass to the underground!” Zanka shouted back at Jabber incoherent nonsense. His face dropped out of startle as soon as he realised in what state his left arm was in. All bandaged, from wraps starting from his palm finishing at the edge line of the elbow. It was likely broken in a single blow. Who could provoke such injuries so easily on Jabber Wonger out of all people.
“Man you aren’t certainly helping my situation by threatening with such good times. Fuck, zan-zan I can already sense my dick quickly raising only at the thought of you hitting me with that hard staff of yours-nngh~” Jabber practically twisted in half as the moan escaped him. Zanka could literally see Jabber’s leg tremble and softly rubbing on each other. Zanka was left speechless. He was about to ask what happened to his arm. Now all he wanted to do was just scream insults at him, but he also understood that that only turned the other more on and Zanka was NOT risking seeing Jabber get off at him screaming insults. So he just opted to just blurt out the original option. Not before deactivating Lovely and putting her back where she was resting minutes before meeting by accident a freak. He rubbed his temple, pulling his thoughts together concentrating all his strengths on not blurting out something about dicks. “Yo-what happened to your arm?” Jabber looked as he was brought back to reality at that question, guessing at how his eyes looked as they just acquired some sense in them.
“Oh yeah! Broke it during my fight with Hii today. He did all this trouble in one clean action. Was damn satisfying. Too bad it lasted so little…” he looked genuinely so taken aback from that loss. That made Zanka wander, did the ribs he broke make him act like that too? Was his punch more satisfying than that Hii’s guy. “Who the fuck is Hii?” He thought aloud. “Oh Hii? That’s Fuu’s alter ego or his jinki, or both. Are you jealous? Zan-Zan don’t tell me you’re jealous that I fight other people? That makes me so excited down the-“ Zanka closed that little distance between them. He aimed his hand right over Jabber lips, and smacked as hard as he could. “Don’t you dare finish that sentence. I don’t wanna hear any dirty stuff about myself. Jerk off or whatever you do in your free time when I’m not around. And I’m NOT jealous.” Zanka had to put some ground rules for this conversation, cause he’s done hearing dirty stuff about himself.
He was damn mad, why would Jabber think he’s jealous? Why would Zanka be jealous of who he choses. It’s not Zanka’s fault he couldn’t match his sick expectations, and still, he’ll have enough time before facing jabber in another serious fight, and next time he’ll show him how good he can be at beating his ass.
As always, Jabber for the hundredth time shocked the shit out of him. At first he sensed something strange and humid pressing against his palm, then realisation hit him as soon as the felling made a sudden scoop motion against him. ‘Did this guy really just licked my hand…?’ Zanka never thought his hand could return to his side as fast as that time did. “I-dude…” he mumbled to himself more than anything, rubbing his hand against the wall in hope of forgetting that feeling for as most part of his life as possible, putting as much space as possible between them. “Man you taste sweet, but your jealousy tastes sweeter. If you want to have a little reassurance, I wished you were the one who broke my hand, ‘cause only you can make it hurt good and painfully beautiful.” The cleaners heart made a somersault. He knew he had a sweet spot for praises, but normally that warmness in his chest only appeared when the praise was said by someone who he admired or someone he aimed to become someday. Jabber wasn’t neither of them, he was certain of that. So why being praised by him felt so wrong and right at the same time?
By the look Jabber was giving him he could guess that he also noticed the change in his posture and expression. And so did the raider’s smile formed. It looked pleased more than mocking, but there was the intention of becoming a scornful one if needed. That smile was a warning. Jabber knew and if needed he would use it against him.
“Zan-Zan I’d like to entertain you more, but you know my time has come. Cthoni’ll get frizzy if I’ll make her wait more.” Jabber at last said before turning his body away. Giving Zanka enough time to recompose himself from his weak state. Thanks to that declaration he remembered the whole point of chasing after Jabber. How fucking stupid and de concentrated did he had to be to get out of his mind the main purpose of all this. He had to get him, now or probably never.
He wasn’t even done taking the first step as he was startle with Jabber’s sudden change of plans, startling the teen’s confidence he just gained back. He abruptly turned around and in moments came so close to Zanka, that made him curse for even letting himself jolt in the first place. Jabber was practically face buried in his ear, he was sure he could feel the masochyst’s breath on his skin if the one stayed in that position long enough for him to let one out, but just as fast as they got in that position, Jabber was already jumping of the fire stairs railing. All he left Zanka with was a simple idiom. “Zanka promise me next time we’ll meet you’ll beat my ass to the ground”.
…
That was their last fight. It was cleaners versus raiders, and Zanka knew who he had to take care of. He knew which raider he had to take down. He knew what he had to do, he knew it since the day he first met him. He knew he’ll have to. He thought he was prepared. So why, why did it hurt to think about a life where Jabber wasn’t in it ? Why doubt only now? Why was his heart aching only now? Who in the right state of mind would care for someone who could only benefit out of his death? Who would care for someone like Zanka in the first place, look at his siblings or parents, did they care for him? Fuck no, and if they did, they definitely had a strange way to show it. He’s team? Enjin needed results and Zanka was long after this task, but every time they got into serious fights, Zanka was always the one who needed someone else’s help to finish the job or either save him.
Riyo cares more about having someone her age to hang out with than Zanka specifically, she could easily replace him with someone more enjoyable than him.
Rudo just met him, yes he trained him and they get closer, but as the surprisingly promising genius he was, he got stronger, much stronger than him. Rudo didn’t need him since he wasn’t strong enough to even take care of himself, imagine someone else, so he couldn’t really care for the older one anymore. They were destined to drift away sooner or later, they were never meant to stick around till the very end.
It hurt knowing he was born in a world where no one else would’ve choose him as their first choice. It hurt knowing that he had to live for the rest of eternity in a world where no one would ever love him the way he needed to. And that left Zanka with only questions. Why did it had to be him? Why did have he to be the one born in a family where only expectations waited for him? Why did he have to be the one to yearn for someone to notice him and love him without waiting for something in return? Why couldn’t anyone love him the way he is? Why didn’t anyone cared enough to try and love him the way he is? Why didn’t anyone ever tried to run after his love? Was he really that unloveable? Was he the crazy one for wanting what everyone else gets to experience, except him?
Why was he so useless? Why couldn’t he stand for himself till the very end? Why did he always fucked up everything on the very end? What did he lack? What did he lack that kept him from winning? Why did he have to be so weak, useless, emotional, unreliable and so selfish?
Since the very beginning he was selfish. He had everything. Almost everything. He had more than any kid ever had. He had money. He had a great name on his shoulders. A respected family. He had food, water and a roof (and in the world they were living that wasn’t granted). He had a future. So why, why did he wanted more? Why was he so greedy for wanting more than he was worth of? Why did he had to be the one having to endure this? Why was he so fucked up? He didn’t even have any reasonable trauma to be this way.
Why did Zanka have so many questions and no answers? Did he have to be this way till the end of time?
No. No, Zanka’ll not let this happen anymore, he’s done always being the weak one, the one that always need the help from others. He’s done with almost succeeding, only to fuck all of it at the very end. He’s done denying himself his freedom of choice, fuck Kyouka, Goka, his parents. Fuck all of them for making him lose so many years of his life because he had to be perfect, because he wanted to be loved and accepted. Why didn’t he realised it sooner? They would’ve never loved him, not to the very deep of the meaning, because they never knew what true love was, because they thought love needed to be achieved and Zanka wasn’t made to achieve their type of goal in the first place. He wasn’t made to become a hell guard, because he’s too warm for that. He’s done trying to deny his feelings. From now on he’ll live how he’ll want to, without having to worry about not living up to someone else expectations. He wants to be free from the burden that weighted his shoulders since he has memories. From now on he’s only Zanka.
And he’ll start this new chapter by finishing his unresolved problems with Jabber.
…
Zanka hit Jabber on his left shoulder as hard as he could with Assistaff’s end, he was trying to make the raider’s arms as enfeeble as possible, trying to create an opening to pin the other down and finish this fight. They parted away from the main fight from the very start of its beginning and they found themselves in some kind of cave, it gave a feeling of Deja-vu, after all it wasn’t the first time they fought in akin surroundings.
Jabber was using Mankira’s full form, trying to lend at-least a single hit on Zanka’s flesh and at the same time taking the numerous hits the cleaner was throwing, and Zanka could swear that some of those strikes could’ve been easily prevented on happening.
But this time the teen didn’t care if Jabber wasn’t fighting the way he was taught to, because all that occupied his mind was the beautiful picture the raider illustrated. With a smile painted on his lips since their weapons first clashed, the way his eyes squinted out of gusto every time either of them got too near to the other trying to create an opening, the way his hair created a window on his face or totally revealed it, the way Jabber wasn’t afraid to show his delight. Show how he liked fighting, lending hits or being hit. If Jabber wanted to collect them all on his skin, who was Zanka to deny him that? If that was what he wanted, why shouldn’t he indulge in that spiral? Why shouldn’t Zanka make them look beautiful and memorable? He shouldn’t fell so tepid every time Jabber face lightened up when the cleaner danced around him and landed a hit on his arms or abdomen, he really shouldn’t, but he did and he felt wonderful about it.
Was this how Jabber felt while fighting? He could see the vision. Zanka felt like he could keep going till the last day of his life like this, repeating those movements all over again.
Every glance, every hitched breath, every time Mankira was so close to hit him, every time Jabber’s eyes lightened up out of pleasure, more made him want to press forward. They might not have known it then, but they were feeding each other the desire to continue this endlessly beautiful dance they created.
Zanka rotated on himself mid air, his right foot found balance on the hit shoulder. He then used his weight in advantage, unbalancing Jabber. But to the younger one displeasure, Jabber used the position for his own benefit. He swung Mankira’s left claw towards the other, not really having in mind a precise spot to hit. Zanka prepared himself for the attack with Assistaff ready at his side and used Jabber’s claw force to throw himself away. Landing somewhere nearby.
The raider was able to get himself on balance as the weight on his shoulder disappeared, then dashed his way to where the other landed, his arms where spread behind his shoulder line, he was preparing himself at attacking with all Mankira’s beautiful form. Zanka in return changed his position to a defensive one. He needed to find even a little crack in Jabber’s perfect forms, one single one would’ve made the Job.
So when Jabber finally approached him and threw both his hands forward, with Mankira following in sync with her user, forming a configuration similar to an embracing move, but in a lethal way. Zanka tried a risky move. It all relied on Zanka’s legs flexibility and capacity to lay down as low as possible, and also on how much Jabber could’ve expected such move.
When Jabber’s claws got closer, instead of jumping away or blocking the attack, he just suddenly dropped to the floor, legs sliding into a split with his whole body leaning forward, touching the ground. In an attempt to avoid any contact with Mankira.
‘Fuck, that hurt. Never again.’
Jabber was taken aback by Zanka’s rapidity, he had blinked and the other disappeared before his eyes, but he didn’t jump away, so where did that guy went to. Oh, he was on the floor, ‘too bad pal, didn’t perplex me long enough’ Jabber thought as he was redirecting Makira’s route. And there was the mistake Zanka searched, a single second of confusion was all the cleaner needed before twisting his body and lending his legs on Jabber’s left ankle side. Making him for the first time actually lose balance, making him fall to the floor. Zanka then pushed himself to a standing position and readied himself to pin down Jabber on the floor by putting Assistaff on Jabber’s neck while the other was falling.
Jabber in return tried to hit him with his right claw, but Zanka only fastened his falling by pushing his neck to the ground.
As soon as he heard the raider’s body weight fall to the ground, he used his feet to stop the hit that was coming, and pinned his hand on the dirt by pushing his weight on Jabber’s palm and fingers. He soon did the same thing with the other hand.
Zanka waited for some moments to pass before letting out the shaky breath he was holding in the whole time. He did it. He pinned down Jabber.
“Zanka, my man, you did it. I knew I wasn’t going crazy with you, you were holding back. You beat me so good today, oh god I wished It could’ve gone forever.” Jabber blurt out while giggling himself out in between. Zanka dropped himself on Jabber’s stomach, not caring enough if he might hurt him in the process. He felt Jabber squirm at the sudden body slamming, making the other swear he heard a loud moan coming from the other.
He looked at the older one face, and he couldn’t help himself but blush slightly as he was met with pure excitement and lust. He could literally see the sparkle in the other eyes as they looked directly in his void ones.
“Zan-Zan… you’re really testing my endurance by dropping yourself right beside ma beast. Out here sitting all close, knowing exactly what you’re doing. Could’ve you at-least show a lil of mercy and directly sit on it. Could made a dead man a favour and help him get off one last time. I know you’re a good boy under all that big boy facade. You were really good to me today, I actually feel like I could ask you this one last favour.”
‘Again with all this yapping, but you know…’ maybe his words were not that bad in the very deep meaning, he did say he was really good today. He could feel his heart melt faintly at the compliment and a funny face creeping into his face. Forgetting completely to put a ground in his body. He felt his lower half drift away from his current position, drifting somewhere behind him and his grip on Assistaff loosen up to a certain amount.
But thanks to the smirk morphing on the other face and the twitch the muscles underneath him made, Zanka was able to get out of his trance and take control of his emotions back pulling his body forward from the dangerous place taking space right behind him, short before he was able to throw away all of his pride in front of Jabber.
He could hear a strangled moan coming from the other, probably an after effect of the abrupt gesture. Zanka composed himself as best as he could, tightening his grip on his jinki back.
“And I thought I was playing dirty by pinning you down. Thought that with some mere compliments coming from you, I would’ve lost control over my own body, huh? Thought that if I positioned myself on your lap it would’ve been easier to kick me off of you. Don’t worry, I will not let you go this easily, you mother fucker.” He spat at the other, anger taking control of him as soon as he realised that that was a mere attempt from Jabber to take control of the situation. Using Zanka’s sweet spot for praising in his advantage. Zanka can’t even blame him for that, after all it was his slip up last time, but what could he do if he fucking likes being praised? Especially now that he knows he specifically loves being praised by Jabber.
I mean, look at him. Yes, he looses his bite whenever someone of the high classed cleaners complimented him, usually made him only inclined to follow their orders more willingly, but he had still his mind set in the right state and had control over his body. That was his first time the blond man actually acted out of thinking range and just went after his instincts. And that was bad, even if Zanka knew what terms he wanted to settle in that day with Jabber and what he wanted to establish between them, he still couldn’t let himself slip like that this early. He can’t let the raider get control over him and use him. Zanka didn’t want that as their relationship. So he needed to make sure Jabber’ll not use some dirty trick during this delicate process.
“Aww come man, I was genuine right then. I really want you on my dick, even if that could’ve also meant leading myself into a free man! But I guess these tricks don’t work on our smart MR. bad attitude! So what about ending these sweet games for once, and make this little chick of yours work against my neck. I really wanna feel this stick’s spikes holing my neck. I’m sure ya able to do that, right?” Jabber gushed out, following with a shaky breath. He threw his head back, his Adam apple dangerously leaning into one of said spikes. Zanka twitched at the moves, he didn’t want to end this so soon. He really didn’t want to. “I-“ Jabber head leaned in, making also for the first time doubt Zanka since he rapidly brought Lovely away from the man’s neck by impulse. No, Zanka couldn’t stand the idea of Jabber’s neck being pierced by Lovely Assistaff.
Since when did Zanka care so much? Yes, he wanted to make a deal with Jabber to continue fighting after the end of that fight (if he was able to satisfy the insatiable hunger the raider had).But why hadn’t he even thought about the possibility of Jabber wanting to be eliminated by Zanka if he was able to win? Fuck, it was also the most reasonable possibility out of all. Of course Jabber would’ve wanted to be killed off if he eventually lost, that was a question of pride( it could also be some sick side effect of being a masochist, but Zanka wasn’t sure since he never really got deep into that subject).
Zanka should’ve seen this coming, and shouldn’t be affected by this event so much. This was Jabber, THE Jabber Wonger, a raider, the dude that almost killed Zanka twice, the dude that might’ve killed hundreds of people, mostly innocent. He was one of the main enemies of the hell guards, Kyouka and Goka’s enemy. He cannot feel this way for him. Jabber doesn’t even want him that way, he just wants to fight, He wouldn’t care less if someone else was in Zanka’s place as long as they were able to beat him black and blue like he wanted them to.
“Man what are you doing? Going easy on me? Hey, Zan-Zan don’t fucking pull this shit on me now, don’t say you started to care for me?” Zanka was brought back to reality by Jabber, again. How many times did Zanka plan to loose focus during the fight? Since when did Zanka ever lost attention these many times? ‘No, stop questioning yourself. You have a raider in front of you, all your focus should be on him’ Zanka lectured himself.
He then locked eyes with said raider and a pang of oddness filled his heart, Jabber was… mad? Jabber could be mad? Zanka never saw Jabber mad. Is that how he looked when he gets angry? And only after the first shock of the raider’s expression, Jabber’s words registered.
“I-“ Zanka was once again left speechless by his own actions. Since when did he had feelings for the raider. When did he even get so infatuated by him? Yeah, he did thought about the other every time he was training. He seeked some kind or approval by the other. He didn’t want to live in a life where Jabber wasn’t in it. He did like Jabber’s facial features and loved the way his eyes lightened up every time Zanka hit him, the way only he was able to give him that kind of satisfaction, the way he smiled every time they were about to start a fight, or the way he praised Zanka’s strength, or- Oh. Well, Zanka should’ve seen this coming. How stupid had he been to not see it sooner? Oh god, he did get himself in this mess. Zanka fell in love with Jabber, he hadn’t been able to stop it from happening.
But why be so depressing now, maybe, just maybe, the other could feel something similar. Zanka doesn’t care what, he just needs something, a longing to their battles when things got so boring, a want that grew wider by time passing, even a little bit of jealousy of the thought of someone else being at his own side, fuck, even a single thought of longing in the time they weren’t together was enough. He desperately needed to have something to grasp for safety, he didn’t want to drown in those stupid feelings without nothing keeping him up. Something that could make him hope. That on a distant tomorrow he’ll have the other by his side, something more than just enemies.
“Wait, did you really think I could’ve reciprocate your feelings? All my talk was only to get you go all out. Did you really thought I could be in love with the likes like you? Yikes you’re in fact much more dumb than I thought. Disgusting! Hey, Zanka… if you really think you love me why don’t ya kill me to spare me such pathetic display? I definitely prefer that than be around such a miserable boy like you! Preserve that little pride of yours you still got~” Jabber’s anger seemed to fade away as a smile rose to his lips. And the same crazy expression that was always printed came back. The raider, like always, found the worst thing he could’ve said right in that moment. Right after all the internal monologue he just had to don’t fall back into the pit. It was almost comical how the raider knew without effort what buttons to push to dishearten Zanka. ‘Did you really think I could’ve reciprocate your feelings?’ The voice rang in his head. He didn’t know how to react. How was he supposed to react? All the hope he built up was crumbled. He needed to get something out. Something he knows how to express when near Jabber. And that was anger.
This time was Zanka’s turn to get angry. Who did he think he was? Did he really think that making him angry would led to him being killed? Why was even Jabber so obsessed by being killed by Zanka? And he thought he was suicidal.
“What? You want me to kill ya?! Well fuck you, ‘cause I’m not doing that! I don’t want to kill you! There’s nothing you can do to change my mind. If ya searching for death then go, but don’t you dare seek that from me.” Zanka screamed in his face as the his grip on Assistaff strengthened on her pole, but the top of her length didn’t find the circumference of the older’s neck again. Great mistake. Because soon he felt a weight move under the pressure he was long ago doing on his right feet. ‘Fuck’ he thought as he realised that not only the he had lost the advantage he had by having Assistaff on Jabber’s neck, but also the strength he was putting on his feet.
“Man you’re so lame, why did you had to ruin the fun at the very peak of it. You lame shit, why did I even bother to fight ya at all. If ya don’t want to kill me, then I don’t need ya at all!” Jabber raged as he released his hand from Zanka’s shoe. He was done with his bullshit. Jabber didn’t need Zanka. He’ll find someone else that’ll do what he wants, Zanka was just a phase. He’ll find the next strong guy that’ll beat him up and finish the job. Zanka was defective from the very beginning, it wasn’t hard to understand he was too emotional and sensitive to get all this done.
Jabber should’ve seen it coming. They were never meant to be. So why didn’t he saw it before? Why had he realised only now that his rollercoaster with Zanka wouldn’t have come to the end he was expecting? Why did he persisted his chase with Zanka, trying to innescate his full potential, knowing it could’ve easily never happen. Why did Jabber still desired to fight Zanka after all the shit the other just done to him? No, no Jabber needed to get rid of the other one. He couldn’t stand thinking about his emotions for this long.
Jabber launched his left claw and took Zanka off guard, he noticed that since he confronted Zan-Zan about his feelings, he started losing hits. First he lost the heaviness he had on his hands and Mankira, then lost definitively the advantage he had with Assistaff and for last he lowered his heed until it was too late. Adding all things considered made this outcome more than predictable. Zanka would’ve seen the birth of this pattern immediately, if he wasn’t blinded by stupid feelings. And to think Jabber was looking out for this fight! He had easily got himself out of the bird cage, as if it wasn’t even closed in the first place! This is ridiculous. When did Zanka had time to become this vile(and not in a good way too)!
Normally when people didn’t live up to Jabber’s high standards or weren’t in his interests, he normally just dumps them or gets rid of them. And Zanka had disappointed him from the very deep of the meaning. Worse of all, the disappointment wasn’t only origin of Zanka’s own character, some kind of self morality or the refuse on getting his hands dirty, but it ran much deeper than that, where Jabber knew he had some sort of his own fault in the result. That dumb cleaner didn’t catch feelings by his own out of nowhere. It was a gradual process where Jabber might’ve triggered them by himself on accident, self-sabotaging the whole purpose on running after the earrings weirdo. Because now the other denied what fate had long since decided. And their destinies were bounded with one conceivable ending. One of the had to die from the hand of the other. That was why their paths persisted to cross. And if Zanka wasn’t going to take the opportunity, Jabber might also make himself comfortable and just take the lead.
Mankira’s index and middle claw found themselves passing effortlessly throughout all of Zanka’s right lower abdomen. Making the other arc in pain. Now this was a scenario Jabber preferred to look at. Zan-Zan gasping out of pain. Hands slowly dropping Assistaff as she deactivates on the floor. Eyes broadening out of multiple feelings. His back arching out of the sudden sensation of cold metal in his body. That was a picture Jabber wouldn’t want to forget ever. If he only could print it in his mind and never forget about this moment for all the rest of the time he had left.
Zanka could’ve been Jabber’s last everything if he only wanted, but since that wasn’t happening, then Jabber might as well be Zanka’s last everything. Would’ve the other mourned the chance he had minutes before all the emotional breakdown, if only he knew that the tables would’ve turned around and he would’ve been the one facing the ending he denied the other?Someone between the two had to endure this, and Zanka made his choice.
Blood streamed from the spot the raider hit. Zanka’s breath became uneven and heavier by every moment that passed. Jabber laughed at the miserable scene, and for once freeing his left hand and using it to lift himself up. Making Zanka’s body fall into his lap. Jabber laughed as their face grew closer. He could now see what was happening to him through his eyes.
He was struggling to keep his eyes focused on Jabber. They were becoming blurry. And strength was leaving his body really quickly. He wasn’t paralysed and had some mobility, little but still something. The cleaner could try to attach or do something, if only trying to move his body didn’t hurt as much as it did. He felt like pain was hitting him perpetually. But not in a one blow kind of way, but in that tickling way that left a burden of pain as it spread into his body. What the hell did Jabber hit him with this time? And let’s not talk about how much the whole injury in his abdomen hurt. Being impaled was for sure NOT in his top 5 life experiences.
Zanka spit some blood and pierced the raider with his glaze. He wanted to scream into the raiders’s face, punch him, hit him with Lovely Assistaff, pierce his neck with her spikes, let out all the anger he had. The only problem was that he had none. He had no anger in his heart, nothing to let speak in his place. He didn’t feel resentment, nor frustration, and worse of all, Zanka didn’t feel any remorse of the actions that lead him this way. And that felt wrong, because he always felt remorse towards his actions when he did something dumb, and not killing Jabber when he had the chance to was in fact a very dumb mistake.
He had no words to describe what he felt. And that scared him, it’s in the human nature to be scared of the unknown. What shall he do now? Just die and make Jabber happy? Would Jabber be happier to have Zanka’s death on him than exploring the feelings he had aroused? Would Zanka be happier this way? No. Zanka wasn’t made to die a boring death, if he goes down then shall Jabber go too. Zanka saw how the other didn’t retract the claws from his body, he saw how an hesitant flame flickered in the other’s eyes. Zanka wanted to understand the other, he wanted to open the shell the light skin had put on himself and open it, find every single piece that could make him understand why the dread head became what he is. He wants to know if there’s something that would make the other loosen up and let Zanka in. Let Zanka see what Jabber liked, what he wanted to become, what are his preferences, at which point the raider puts boundaries, what are his weak points. He wanted to know everything the other had to offer.
That’s such a shame the other wouldn’t let him. For the first time in his life Zanka saw Jabber scared, scared to face feelings. And that was beautiful, beautiful because Zanka was making the dread head feel those feelings. Jabber might’ve won the physical battle, but Zanka had still the chance to mark his figure in the other mind. But did Zanka have the power and the will to do that now? Every second that passed, every thought that made the cleaner loose the little time he didn’t have, made his strength vanish even more. Zanka doesn’t have much time for a good therapy session to offer to the other. So he had to play his game with the little things he could do.
That’s how Zanka found himself wrapping his arms around the raider’s shoulders. He noted how Jabber could’ve effortlessly stopped Zanka initiating the ordeal. Instead he just observed, expression buckling down fast. He felt a slight flinch when he touched the other. But he didn’t hear any protest or hostility from the other. Zanka felt great pain in his body, especially from where Mankira’s big claws made herself comfortable. Zanka leaned his head on his forearm, mouth close-range with Jabber’s ears. That made Zanka notice two little blotches on the lobe. It wouldn’t be out of character for Jabber to have, or had, piercing. That freak would’ve loved more the process on getting them than having them on, from Zanka’s point of view. But also he could’ve imagined it all since his eyes weren’t really focused. And now it wasn’t really an import detail, a cute one, but not important.
“Jabber…” the younger one pronounced, his voice came out weak and exhausted. It hurt to talk, but he can’t stop now that he already started. So he brought upon himself the weight of what he was about say. Letting a trembling breath before speaking. “So you prefer to kill me instead of facing me? How *Ack-haughk* how…. Pathetic did ya become? Is that really what scares ya, and I thought you had no weak points. Does really having someone to care for you-…” he let out a cough before continuing. “-that daunting? So now what, you’re just gonna act like I - cough - didn’t exist at all? Jabber didn’t ya tell yourself I was-“ he didn’t have the time to finish before feeling Jabber abruptly pulling them forward. He felt how his right hand pressed on his thoracic region, digging into his skin with his nails. But he didn’t sense any sharp object, meaning that somewhere between his speech the raider deactivated his jinki.
The pain he felt was almost not recorded since it partially overlapped on the constant pain he felt his body in. But he could detect it from the brutal hostility it demanded and the way it pulled his spine closer to the owner’s body.
“What are ya yapping ‘bout huh?! Are ya underestimating me, aren’t ya? Oh you sure are delusional! What made ya think I would care enough to try escaping you! I already told ya, the only thing I needed from you was a good damn fight. And since you aren’t gonna give me one, I don’t need ya. Ya could die rotting and I wouldn’t care less. Zan-Zan did my toxins made ya this dumbass? Read the room you two neurons idiot. Does it run in your family being such a moron or is it only you that didn’t got lucky with the genes?” Jabber hollered in return. He didn’t even try to misure the bite. He was just taking all of the cleaner sanity he could in one bite. It hurt, especially the last phrase, definitely hit a nerve. But he could hear how defensive the other was being, he could feel the little slip up where he sounded almost desperate to get out of this situation. And that was enough for the younger one to keep fighting for what he started.
He tightened his hug (if you could even call it that). And started tracing circles with his right hand on the back of his neck, gentle ones. Making Jabber tremble under him. He could feel goosebumps under his touch and hear a wavering breath from the dread head. Big contra dictionary for someone who just declared that didn’t feel anything for Zanka. “You made clear you thought I was special, so what changed now? Wouldn’t it have been better if we didn’t kill each other? We could’ve been fighting for as much as we wanted. We could’ve sparred, punched each other, I don’t know maybe hold hands or-r cuddle. *Cough*. Get high or whatever you like to do in your free time. I’m not sure of what we could be, but I’m sure my feelings ain’t one sided. So why did ya still choose to kill me? Was I not worth to-“ Zanka coughed violently spitting saliva and blood.
Jabber’s grip on his deactivated hand unconsciously loosen up slightly, after the movements the cleaner’s body made. Even without pressing he could feel the cleaners heart beat, it was rapid and erratic. He could also feel on his ears the breaths he took, they were unsteady and heavy. The toxins were starting to take Zanka down, but that apparently didn’t stop him from destroying the other. “T-…tell me Jabs, do y-you really think you’ll forget me… Am I… not worth saving?…” the last words were heavy, even the raider could feel how deep and rough they were coming as and how much strength it took to blurt them out.
‘Am I the one worth saving?’ Jabber thought slipped and it really hurt. Zanka made him suffer. Why did it feel like he was the only one hurting even though he wasn’t the one bleeding out to death with mixed toxins in his system? What type of pain is this? It isn’t any physical one, Jabber knows that well from experience. He always thought that any kind of pain was enjoyable, but since earlier he got all his certainties wrecked up. How did Zanka do it? What made Zanka special in Jabber’s eyes? He had idea. Was Jabber ever gonna forget Zanka? Yes, he would, with a little help, but he would. But would it be worth it? No, it wouldn’t. Because it would mean Jabber would have to be never sober, he wouldn’t be able to function for a long time and he would be useless. And that would be only Jabber’s fault, for being such an attached freak.
Since the very first time he met Zanka he grew too attached to him. He mourned a rematch, and after getting one he grew more attached because he knew the other wasn’t giving his best, he saw and felt that the other was holding back. He was right, but he hadn’t realise the other was restraining back even internally. He should’ve deduced it, since it would be only reasonable that someone like Zanka would only hold back unconsciously and usually it was tied with a mental block. Meaning that if said mental block got removed, the holding back part would also get withdrawn. And that was the case. But Jabber didn’t even thought of such possibility, or at-least didn’t consider it. After all he was too busy jerking it off or making scenarios where he got himself beaten or beat the other(mostly the first one).
But let Jabber take the possibility he took in consideration that outcome. How was he supposed to even imagine the other could fell in love with him and be such a bitch about it? Yeah, no one would have ever thought of such result.
What did Zanka mean when he said they didn’t have to kill one another? Wasn’t the whole point of their fight having the thrill that one of them had to die? Does that mean Zanka was fighting him just for the rush? Ughhhh, too much thinking! Jabber’s brain is going to burn to ashes at this rate. So the cleaner was fighting him only for the love of it. Well that would make him hard in another situation, but in that moment he was just incapable to get a boner. And Zanka’s weak breathing on his neck wasn’t helping at all, too tickling. Wait. Weak breathing? But didn’t Zanka have a heavy breathing like seconds ago? Jabber pressed his free hand to the other boy’s wrist.
Oh. Well, Jabber was now alone on this one. Great timing, wasn’t it? Right after spitting all that manipulative bullshit too. What was the other even trying to do? What does he have to do with those last words, huh? Zanka is dead. So now what? He just walks away and leaves the body there? He always did that, but it felt wrong this time. After all Zanka did somewhat beat him good. No, he did bad. That wind-up was not of his liking. It was like waiting for the most important event in your life and a hour before it happens it gets cancelled, forever.
Jabber had no idea of what he should do next, especially after getting wrecked up like that. He couldn’t think straight. He was confused. And being confused led to uncertainty, and uncertainty led to impotence. And Jabber wasn’t made to bear such emotion. He was born to be free, his freedom made who he was and not having any didn’t make him feel like himself. Zanka was able to deprive him of such. That guy was able to cage Jabber out of all people. Zanka was strong enough to beat Jabber. He was strong enough to get under his skin. He was able to see something more than just a crazy-masochist guy who was not able to change. He saw how Jabber was able to feel feelings. He saw the humanity Jabber had deep down. He didn’t only saw the monster Jabber was, but also what he had underneath. He was able to scare Jabber. To make Jabber feel those feelings for him and bring them on the surface. Zanka made Jabber feel human, and the raider had no idea how to feel about that.
But what did that mean now anyway? As just said Zanka was dead and the raider could never experience such feelings again. He killed Zanka. He did that by himself. He had to move on.
Jabber shifted his body trying to push the cleaner as far as possible, but something kept him from doing so. Something was pressuring oh his left hand, something heavy. ‘Oh’. The dread head didn’t even acknowledge how he didn’t pull away from the cleaner’s abdomen. That didn’t help Jabber state, not even a bit. He was unconsciously keeping Zanka alive for longer than the other was supposed to live after a hit like that. He helped the earrings dumbass to keep breathing and talking. What was that even supposed to mean, did that meant his body inadvertently tried to keep the other from bleeding out on him? And if the answer was yes, that meant that Zanka didn’t lie. The feelings the rich boy felt weren’t one sided. That meant Jabber’s own body betrayed him, it decided on its own to not pull away and keep the other alive. Or worse, the older one’s mind didn’t even think of pulling out from the other, didn’t even register the possibility of speeding the other’s dead.
And to think Jabber some minutes ago made fun of the cleaner loosing hits, when he himself was wasting opportunities. Jabber fucked up, really badly. He put himself in this situation, and now he had to deal with this. Move on? Hah, only fuck ass trash knows how miserable of a chance that is. He isn’t going anywhere now. He was left with all this burden to bear by the other. Jabber’ll not let this happen. He would make sure the younger would feel this fatigue too. Zanka wanted to put up with all of Jabber bullshit? May he also make himself at home then! Let’s see how long he would endure the derangement Jabber is made of. He would run away as soon as he gets to see all the somberness he kept away. Or maybe not, maybe Zan-Zank would be the one saving Jabber from himself. He sounded so confident while saying all that stuff earlier maybe he actually would be strong enough to pull him out from the caliginosity he was born in. If the other was able to make him feel human, would he also be able to make him one?
A fragile breath brought him to the physical realm they lived in. Zanka wasn’t dead yet. Jabber still had a chance. He had a chance to know what Zanka was able to show him. He could still save Zanka. But was it worth it? Was it worth going all this trouble just for the promise of such ending? Well he’ll might find out. And to be honest Jabber was really keen on fighting again with Mr. Bad Attitude.
Jabber pulled his claw out, as gentle as he was able to, deactivating them. He then laid Zanka down on the ground, unwrapping his arms from his neck. He then proceeded to rip some of cloth from the leg opening of his pants. He wrapped the bleeding wound with the tissues tight to make some pressure on it. He then stood up and wrapped his arms around Zanka, making sure to press on the wound with his left arm. He then overthrew him on his shoulder and with his shoulder and hand pressed on the wound. “Damn Zan-Zan ya heavy as hell for someone skinny as ya” Jabber noted as he felt his feet gaining the load of the cleaner’s weight along his own weight. He followed his words with a whistle and some giggles. He really would’ve liked having Zanka conscious, maybe hear something coming out from that bad ol’ mouth of his. But given the circumstances he’ll take whatever he’s given. He had to do other things first anyway. He then started walking towards the exit of the somewhat cave they were in.
“Okay my prince, gotta carry you to ya friends huh? As much as I’m good at stitching up stuff, that wound doesn’t look like it needs a few stitches to heal. So I’ll just leave ya with your buddies, they’ll know what to do with ya, alright? Awww don’t miss me too much, I’ll make sure to meet ya right after, ‘k? We still have stuff to deal with and now that ya able to beat my ass real good I’m itching for our encounter to come as soon as possible. Damn I can’t wait to hear ya girl on me aga- OH YEAH I ALMOST FORGOT YA STAFF” Jabber stopped abruptly his steps as he remember of the most important part of Zanka’s essence. He cannot leave Lovely behind.
After picking up the stick he quickly resumed at walking away from the hollow. He spotted the cleaners fighting with his pals. And for the first time, he didn’t felt like joining the battle. He was too drained for that, and after all he found the guy he’d like to fight for all their eternity. He’ll just wait till someone of the cleaners side comes and gets Zanka to safety.
He didn’t have to wait long before some supporters started running his way. Jabber started shifting his and the other’s body so he could lay Zan-Zan in the ground, he had to be gone as soon as those ransoms came. The raider didn’t want to accidentally scare them away, after all he knew how his presence made others feel like. And as fun as it usually was, he had to take the situation to some extent seriously. He leaned into Zanka’s frame as he cautiously laid him down on the ground. Making sure dirt didn’t get into the injury. He stayed there for some moments, looking at Zanka’s pretty face. He wickedly grinned and lowered himself to the cleaners face. His lips were slightly above the other’s parted mouth. “Promise me you’ll not leave as soon as I let ya in.” He muttered. He then leaned in, closing the distance between them. But he didn’t kiss his mouth, he kissed the spot right underneath it.
“I’ll give the rest next time we’ll see each other, see it as me giving a preview.“ he giggled and got himself up to his knees. He turned to Zanka’s hands and made his finger’s wrap around Lovely Assistaff. He looked up and saw two supporters with a blonde girl in the lead run towards them. Seems they still haven’t noticed it was him, or they wouldn’t so eagerly rush their ass. He looked down one last time to Zanka’s unconscious frame. He smiled and stood up. He looked back at the three figures that long ago were running towards them. They had stopped their tracks now, as they realised who they actually had in front of them, right beside their so beloved employee. He mumbled to himself one last sentence, before disappearing. “Zanka, you’re my man now, until death do us part”.