Chapter Text
Inspired by the Good Trouble promo, where Callie says she needs to make big life changes.
Callie was sitting on her bed and staring at her phone. Since the trail ended and she had another run-in with Jamie, and with all the history with Gael, she needed some space and to change her life. She loved being with Mariana in LA, but it looked as if Mariana found her way (sometimes it was wrong) but it was Mariana’s way. She, she had a feeling she lost her way…if she was being honest, she lost her way long ago. She had a feeling like she has to leave LA to find her way. It was Friday evening and Callie was alone at the Coterie. Everyone was out, and it was a rare chance for her to have peace for a moment. Usually, her quiet nights ended with Mariana storming into her room to tell her about some of her personal drama. Callie loved the girl, but sometimes there was so much drama around her. She was like that from the moment they met. She met her when she was sixteen and now, almost ten years later, Mariana was older, but not really wiser. Somehow, drama always followed her… In some way, Callie could say that for herself too. Jamie and Gael drama…not knowing who to pick, if any… There was something about both of them that was attractive to her. Gael was an artist, free spirit and someone who pushed her in a different way than Jamie. Jamie was by the book; career-driven and motivated to work on herself and pursue promotions as her goals. He influenced her work ethic, but she didn’t always like that about him. They didn’t agree on many things and challenged each other in ways that were not good for them or their relationship. They got close again, but did not get back together. Callie was still divided between him and Gael and who she was with two of them. Things were complicated with both of them. She really needed to reevaluate her life and relationships with both of them and what she wants. She took a shower and when she came back to the room, she saw there was text message on her phone. She picked it up and pressed to read. It was from moms. They were coming into town tomorrow and insisted they have lunch with all the kids. It was clear something was going on. They rarely insisted to seeing all of them at the same time. Callie could understand why they wanted to see them. Now they were all alone in the house and probably missed them all, and the chaos of having all five of them at the same place. Jesus was in LA living with some of his friends, Jude was at UCLA, and Brandon had a new job no one knew about. He was still giving music lessons and loved working with kids. Eliza was out of the country playing somewhere in Europe. From what Jamie told her, she was on two years contract, and somehow there was no mention from Brandon that he would be joining her. She found that strange. After all, they were married just for a short time for her to pack up and leave without him, especially since he didn’t have a job that would keep him here. She found it weird, but as usual, she waited for Brandon to tell her what was going on. She would never force him to talk. If anyone asked, she would give him space because it was his privacy, but she knew how it was killing her he was married and that his wife was not here. She would never admit that she regrets letting him go and getting adopted, because that meant that she had to own up to what she did all those years ago. She had to own up to breaking their hearts and not telling him anything before he married Eliza. They could have found ways to be together; they could have worked out something…but now it was too late.
Somehow, Foster kids found their way to LA and kept seeing each other at least once a month. When it was a ‘’good’’ month, they managed a few dinners or at least a drink. Callie knew her roommates would not be at home so she suggested they make lunch in their place. She even offered to cook. Brandon said he would help, and Jesus and Jude offered to bring desserts. She went to bed and set an alarm for nine in the morning so she would have time to go to the market and get everything she needed for lunch. She texted Brandon to buy that nice bread in the bakery close to his place and she added to her reminder to get some nice wine too.
She took her time shopping the following morning and enjoyed every minute of it. She was excited to cook for her family. She got a lot of different vegetables and nice chicken. She would make her famous stew with chicken, veggies, and rice, and she would melt some butter and mix it with garlic and herbs before she lets it get cold again. She wanted this lunch to be perfect. When she got home, she found Mariana having her coffee and checking her phone.
‘’Hey Mari…’’
‘’Hey…’’
‘’How was your night?’’
‘’It was fun. I stayed pretty late.’’
‘’Good…’’
‘’And how was yours?’’
‘’Quiet finally… I fell asleep before midnight and finally got some good night's sleep.’’
Mariana drank some of her coffee and Callie placed groceries on the counter and started making plans about cooking. Her train of thought was interrupted by Mariana speaking again.
‘’What do you think moms want?’’
‘’I don’t know… Maybe just to see us all?’’
‘’I am not so sure… Do you think mom is sick again?’’
The idea of Stef’s cancer coming back never really left any of the kids. Every time she had a serious face and said she needed a word, they wondered if it was about it.
‘’I don’t know. But if we are being real, it is always an option. Cancers come back…’’
Mariana just silently nodded and continued drinking her coffee. Callie went back to her cooking with an idea of Stef being sick in the back of her mind. And to be honest, she didn’t really like that idea.
Brandon showed up some time later with all that Callie told him to get. Mariana let him in and went to her room to change. He greeted Callie and saw her very serious face.
‘’What’s wrong?’’
‘’Nothing….’’
‘’Callie, it’s me… I know there is something…and judging by your face, I can bet there are a few things on that pretty mind of yours.’’
She just smiled. He was right… She had a lot on her mind and he did know her well.
‘’Moms… What do you think is wrong? Do you think Stef is sick again?’’
Brandon was silent for a moment and took chopping mushrooms to help Callie.
‘’To be honest, I don’t think she is sick.’’
‘’What is it then? Messages sound serious.’’
‘’My money is on the divorce.’’
Callie was shocked.
‘’What?’’
‘’Yes, I think they are getting a divorce…’’
‘’Why do you think that?’’
‘’Because it’s happening…’’
‘’Moms told you?’’
‘’No, they didn’t say a word, but it is clear that that is happening.’’
‘’No! Moms are not getting a divorce… They love one another…’’
‘’Yes, and all the people who love each other are always together, forever, right, Callie?’’
She lowered her gaze… That comment was meant to cut and hurt, and it did. Brandon knew what he was doing.
‘’Brandon….’’
‘’Yes, Callie?’’
She looked at his hand and realized that his ring finger was bare.
‘’Where is your ring? Why haven’t we seen Eliza for some time now?’’
He was silent for a moment…
‘’My marriage is over, so there is no reason to have my ring on.’’
‘’What? What happened?’’
‘’Nothing. We talked and agreed to end it.’’
‘’Just like that?’’
‘’Pretty much...’’
Callie knew there was more to it.
‘’Brandon…’’
‘’I don’t want to talk about it… It is over, and I left it in the past. In the end, we both got what we wanted. She is in Europe playing in the most beautiful halls, and I am here back to writing music.’’
Callie had a proud smile on her face.
‘’I am glad you are back to it. I missed your music.’’
‘’I missed it too…Matt and I are even talking about getting the band together… Nothing big. Just some weekend gigs.’’
‘’That would be amazing. You were really good together.’’
‘’Well, it was just an idea. We still have to talk to the rest of them. I honestly have no idea where they are or if they even still want to play.’’
‘’I am sure you and Matt will figure it out, even without the OG members of the band.’’
‘’Of course, we are the heart and soul of the band.’’
Callie hit him with the dish rag because she knew he was making fun of her.
‘’What got you back to writing music?’’
‘’The night we talked by the pool. You said some things, and it stuck with me… I always knew you were the only person who could get me back to my music…you were my music for the longest time…’’
She just looked at him, but said nothing. She knew what he was talking about and also knew that they were in a very dangerous place. It was a silent pact that they never speak of their past and love they share(d). From time to time, one of them would slip up with a comment, and the other would pretend that nothing was said. It usually happened when they were alone. But Callie couldn’t let herself go that way. Her confusion was between Gael and Jamie, not Brandon… If she dared to be honest with herself, Brandon was the only thing that was not confusing her. She KNEW what she felt for him and there was no dilemma that he was the only man she had ever loved and will ever love that way.
Mariana came down and noticed weird tension between her siblings.
‘’What is going on with two of you?’’
‘’Brandon thinks mom is not sick but they are getting a divorce.’’
Mariana was surprised by that.
‘’You know something? They said something?’’
‘’No, but I have my doubts…’’
‘’No! It’s not happening. Tell him, Callie. Moms love one another.’’
Brandon looked at Callie and smirked. She just rolled her eyes at him.
‘’Don’t be mean, Brandon. Why would you think they are getting a divorce? They are happy and still love each other…’’
‘’If you say so, Mariana. After all, you are an expert on happy relationships.’’
Callie just gave him a look.
‘’Now you are being mean.’’
‘’Fine, I apologize, your majesty.’’
‘’That is much better, and stop saying stupid things that are not true. Our family is a bit crazy, but ok.’’
He nodded at Mariana and then turned to Callie and winked.
‘’So, now let’s go back to chopping. This will be an interesting lunch.’’
Mariana responded in a very whiny voice.
‘’They are not getting a divorce, Brandon!’’
Callie just rolled her eyes at him and gave him more things to chop. Mariana stood by them, confused by everything, especially the look and small smirk that was on Callie’s face.
Lunch was almost done when Jude and Jesus arrived. They got enough desserts to feed a small army. They also had a million questions about what this was all about and their three other siblings just said they had no idea. Jude was sure mom was sick, and Jesus was sure Stef was thinking about retirement. That was a topic Callie, Brandon and Mariana didn’t think of. For a moment, Brandon started thinking about it as an option, but soon went back to his original idea of divorce. Callie gave Jesus and Jude everything they needed to set the table. She and Brandon were checking the food and finishing making the salad and cutting the bread. Out of all of the siblings, Callie and Brandon were the only ones you would let near the food and cooking. The rest was not that skillful in the kitchen. Mariana and Jesus were known to burn spaghetti once or twice, and Jude had eggs explode on him because all the water was gone. So, they were banned from cooking.
Moms arrived, and all the kids went to greet them. It was clear that there was some tension, and for the first time, Callie realized something might be wrong, and Brandon was potentially right, when they took a seat at different sides of the table. Brandon and Callie got food and drinks to the table, and the lunch officially started. At first, it was very silent and the only words exchanged were food-related, along the lines of pass me this or that. Jesus was the one who couldn’t wait anymore, so he asked what all the kids wanted to ask.
‘’Moms, what is going on?’’
Stef and Lena exchanged a few looks, trying to see who would speak first. Lena was the one to start.
‘’We wanted to see you and check on you. That is what moms do… no matter what, you are our kids and we love you.’’
Stef continued.
‘’Yes, what Lena said. You are our babies no matter what.’’
That didn’t give the kids any explanation. Mariana spoke next.
‘’Mom, are you sick again?’’
‘’No! No, I am not… Everything is ok. I am still cancer-free, and I do my regular checkups every three months. And Lena is not sick either. We are perfectly healthy, just dealing with menopause…but that is expected in our age.’’
All of them felt a wave of relief when they heard that the moms are Ok. Callie noticed that Brandon was on his phone, not really listening to what was said. She wondered what he was doing that was more important than this conversation? Now it was Brandon who broke the silence.
‘’So, you are getting a divorce?’’
Now all eyes were on him. Lena and Stef were a bit confused and surprised. They had no idea Brandon knew. Jude looked at him, also shocked.
‘’Why would you think that, Brandon? Did mom tell you something?’’
‘’She didn’t have to. I’ve got the same speech when I was five… Mom should update her material… Same speech twice… Come on! You had years to practice… We will always be your parents. Mom loves you so much, honey. You are the most important…Me and your dad will always be there for you…and so on…’’
Mariana looked at him and then at moms.
‘’Is he right? Are you getting a divorce?’’
Stef and Lena exchanged few looks and then Lena spoke.
‘’Yes, we are… Stef and I finally made that decision a few days ago. We spoke to our lawyer and started the process…’’
He turned to Callie and gave her a mean smile… She was in complete shock. Moms were getting a divorce. She looked at him, and he smirked. She was a bit angry at him and devastated that they were getting a divorce. Moms looked around the table and noticed that the only child who didn’t look sad or surprised was Brandon. He looked a bit smug and that got Stef very angry.
‘’Anything to say, Brandon?’’
‘’Not really… I am just trying to pick the right moment for your favorite you are selfish and destroying this family speech…’’
Stef had no idea what he was talking about…
‘’What?’’
Brandon got up from the table and started pacing the room with a very angry face.
‘’Did you think of any of us when you made this decision? Why are you so ungrateful? After all we did for you, you file for divorce behind our backs. And who knows for how long two of you were doing things behind our backs… I am so disappointed in two of you. I expected so much more… Did you think how this would influence Jude, Jesus, and Mariana, or were you selfishly thinking of yourself? We made so many sacrifices for you and this is how you give it back to us? Those feelings will pass… This family matters more than your childish behavior. We are family, this is our family and two of you should remember that before you decide to hurt us all and cause so much harm to something we’ve been building brick by brick for years. Your irresponsibility will not be the end of this family; do you hear me?’’
Stef was very angry and Lena lowered her gaze. She realized what Brandon was doing. He pretty much gave them word-for-word the speech they gave him and Callie when they learned about their feelings and chose to ignore them. Now, their words were making a big comeback to bight them in the ass. It took a moment for Callie to recognize the words that lived in her mind rent free for almost a decade and she froze. She couldn’t believe what he was doing. She was hurt by what moms did and said all those years ago, but what Brandon was doing was ice cold. Looking at him, she was getting more and more sure he was waiting for this moment patiently…like he knew the day would come when he would be able to use those words against them. Seeing this side of Brandon scared her a bit. He had never forgotten or forgiven…and now she was in pain for both her mamas and him too… She never realized how much they hurt him, especially Stef. She caused a lot of that pain, but what shattered her was how much his own mother hurt him and how no one reacted to that. No one ever defended Brandon and stood up for him, including herself. Brendon looked at them and continued.
‘’ No, I don’t accept it… It’s not happening… I don’t care… Figure it out how to resolve this situation, but you are not fucking up this family just out of some spite or because you believe you are doing the right thing… Right thing for who? You are not alone in this… There are seven of us and all of us have a say. Your actions have consequences for all of us. Have you spent a minute thinking about any of us before you made your stupid decision?’’
He stood above them like they stood above him and Callie not that many years ago and then in the same way pointed to the opposite side of the table where his siblings were seated.
‘’ Look around this room… Look at the faces of the people you say you love… You did this to them…you and your irresponsible choices.’’
He walked back to the other side and put his hands on Callie’s shoulders.
‘’Did I forget something? That was such a legendary speech that I didn’t want to miss any part of it.’’
She lowered her gaze. She couldn’t look at their family…and she had trouble speaking. Her response was barely a whisper, but in a way, it was one of the loudest things she ever said.
‘’No, you pretty much said it word by word…word for word B…’’
Now there was confusion at the table. Jesus looked at them and then at moms. Lena was looking at the floor and was crying and Stef was beat read and ready to bite someone’s head off.
‘’What is going on B? Why are you being so cruel to mamas? Don’t you see this is not easy for them. They are in pain.’’
Lena was grateful that Jesus defended them. She was not yet sure if they really deserved it. She wiped her eyes and looked at Brandon.
‘’You are enjoying this too much, Brandon.’’
‘’You have no idea… I lived for this day for the past ten years. I have been waiting for a moment when I could use these words back on you so you feel just a small portion of how deep they cut and wound.’’
That got everyone’s attention, especially Callie’s and moms. Stef couldn’t believe what she was hearing and Lena couldn’t believe what came out of Brandon’s mouth. He was always the good and sweet one, the one with the biggest heart and capacity to love and forgive.
‘’You really hate us that much? This is a very hard moment for us and you give us that speech? Stef and I didn’t make this decision easily, Brandon.’’
All eyes were on Brandon now…
‘’And she gave that speech when Lena? How was I feeling then? Please remind me of the moment mom said those words? I am sure it was some very happy occasion.’’
Stef looked at him with a warning…
‘’Brandon…’’
He started shouting. He was on the verge of tears, but somehow, he tried to keep it together.
‘’You ruined my life… What do you expect me to feel toward you? Did you expect me to ‘’understand’’? To be ‘’supportive’’? Where do you live? What fucking fairytale do you have in your heads? I owe you nothing…. ‘’
He pointed at Stef, still looking at Lena with such a cold eye that none of his siblings and parents had ever seen.
‘’She fucked up my family and you were fucking her knowing that she is married and has a child. Did you think of me? Did you think what it would do to a child to learn not just that his mom and dad are getting a divorce, but that his mom is fucking his teacher and five minutes later, we were all living together and you brought two more kids into the house. And as usual, it was expected from me to understand it. Mom fell in love and she followed her heart. That is what people do when they fall in love and I should understand. Brandon always had to understand everything and everyone… And no one ever gave a fuck about what Brandon wanted or needed. ‘’
Callie could feel that these bottled-up feelings were about to make a mess and she couldn’t do anything to stop it. Maybe moms needed to hear this.
‘’Sometimes I feel like two of you made it your mission to rid me of everything I needed. I needed time to get used to three of us living together, and you added two more kids into the mix. I wanted more time with my dad, and you reported him for drinking and I could only see him with two of you or a social worker for years. And I didn’t say anything. I never complained, never did anything to make you angry or not be proud of me. I needed time to practice because I wanted Juilliard, you added two more kids into the mix… I needed someone who understood me, and I finally got the love I needed, and you had to destroy that, too. I spent my life silently taking it from all of you and the first time I voiced something I was not happy about or how I felt about someone, you did all in your power to shut me down… I finally found love, and all of you made it feel so dirty and wrong. Made us feel like we were some sort of criminals doing God knows what, and all we did was love. So, please tell me, what should I say or feel? What do you want me to say or feel?’’
Stef finally looked at Brandon, really looked at him and there was nothing she remembered from the boy she gave birth to. His eyes were empty and she finally saw the hate in them.
She saw the pain and disappointment she never really wanted to see, or even worse, she saw but ignored because she had no idea how to deal with it.
‘’When I needed love, compassion, and understanding, all I’ve got was kicking me while I was down. When I needed my mother to tell me I will be ok and I am loved and safe, I had a restraining order and dirty looks… So, today, I am the last person who will offer you soft words and support because I haven’t gotten that in years from you. You are my mother…You gave birth to me and you caused me more pain than any person I’ve ever known… I’m sorry that I can’t be part of this charade ‘’support moms when they are in pain’’. Let me tell you, you will learn in time to lick your own wounds and heal…alone because no one believes your pain is real or you even deserve to feel it. That is how I got where I am now… I had friends and chosen family to help me build up from the ashes you all left me in…’’
‘’Oh, B…’’
He just turned away and left. She wanted to follow him, but Callie stopped her.
‘’No, that is the last thing any of you needs now. If you go up, even more poisonous words will leave both of your mouth and then there will be no coming back. I’ll go… You finish your conversations and lunch… I will deal with Brandon.’’
‘’But he is my son Callie.’’
‘’He may be your son, but now you and mama are the last people he wants to see. I will call you later. I will go up and deal with him. Please, Stef, let me do this for him.’’
Stef looked at Callie like she was seeing her for the first time.
‘’You agree with him?’’
‘’I… I feel like there are many things left unsaid and maybe it is time to finally put all the cards on the table and get it all out… Today is not the day and talking about the past could cause even worse situation we would never recover from…as a family. Everyone is a bit hot headed and anything said will be intentionally hurtful. I know I am not capable to have normal conversation now and all I would say would be as hurtful as words that left Brandon’s mouth. So, you finish the lunch and I will go to him.’’
She went to the roof because she knew it was Brandon’s favorite place. She found him leaning on the wall and just looking at something. She put her hand on his shoulder, and then he turned and suddenly they were hugging and crying uncontrollably. She tried to comfort him; he tried to comfort her, but they simply couldn’t stop crying. They finally calmed down, and he kissed her hair.
‘’I am sorry I ruined your lunch. It was really good.’’
‘’It’s ok.’’
‘’No, it’s not…’’
‘’Yes, it is… You had to get this out of you, and I am glad you did.’’
He was surprised by her comment.
‘’You are?’’
‘’You kept some of those feelings bottled up for years…decades… So, yes, I think it was something you had to share.’’
‘’Are you angry at me for giving them the speech?’’
She didn’t know what to say. She was not angry at him, but she was bothered.
‘’That part… I hoped never to hear those words in my life…ever….and you took me by surprise…’’
‘’I’m sorry.’’
‘’I know, B.’’
‘’I didn’t want to hurt you and open old wounds again.’’
She turned his face toward her, and she gave him a sad smile.
‘’Oh, Brandon… You can’t open the wounds that never closed and healed… ‘’
‘’Callie…’’
‘’Yes?’’
‘’I have something to tell you.’’
‘’Ok…’’
‘’After Eliza and I finalized our divorce, I saw Robert.’’
‘’My dad?’’
‘’Yes, we met in front of the building. He has the office in the same building as Eliza’s lawyer was…’’
‘’How is he?’’
Brandon smiled.
‘’He is good. He and Jill are divorced, but very close because of Sofia. She lives with her mom, but they meet for dinner every Sunday and take holidays together. Jill has a new partner, and Robert is seeing someone, but it is very new, so Sofia still has no idea.’’
‘’Is he happy?’’
‘’He looks happy. He asked about you and is open to seeing you if you are. He wishes to have a relationship with you… More than a phone call for holidays or birthdays.’’
‘’I would like it too. But I feel guilty and ashamed. He lost Jill and Sofia because of me. If Stef…’’
‘’That is on Stef and not on you. She made a choice to play dirty and yes; you did let her do it… But she was supposed to be an adult in that, and she acted like a petty child.’’
‘’So, you just saw him that one time or…?’’
‘’I see him once a week for a meal. Since the divorce, he has been my rock. He helped me a lot, and I don’t know if I could ever repay him. Mike and Ana moved West to be with her family. I have a complicated history with Stef and Lena to ask anything of them…so Robert was that parental support I needed when I was very low.’’
‘’So, what happened with Eliza? When did it end? Jamie said nothing…’’
‘’I am not sure if she said anything to him. I know their dad knew and he made sure the divorce was very quick, and I was left with pretty much nothing. I didn’t want anything from her, but I was almost homeless how quick he was to kick me out of our apartment. Eliza gave me two months when she was leaving and he kicked me out two days later. I barely had time to pack and he sent someone from his firm to watch me pack and make sure I didn’t take anything out of the apartment. Matt took me in for a week or two when his parents were gone…’’
‘’Why haven’t you called me?’’
‘’And what you could have done? This place is full and we really can’t share a room… And I am sure Mariana would not be happy to share if you moved in with her for a short time I would stay.’’
She nodded in agreement. They couldn’t have shared a room; Mariana was pretty busy with her boys to have anyone in her room…but maybe she could have borrowed some money to him.
‘’I wish I knew… I wish I could have helped somehow.’’
‘’Matt helped me and found me a dump I was staying at for a month or two… Driving Uber and giving lessons helped me survive that first period of time. And then Robert helped. He gave me a job and found me a place to live. He saw my apartment and told me to pack up. He said that I don’t deserve to live in a place like that. He offered me to move into his pool house, but I couldn’t accept that. Then he offered his apartment. It is close to the building where his office is, and I am staying there for the time being. It is a nice one-bedroom apartment that is beautifully furnished and I have everything I need there, including a small corner for my keyboard. I am still giving lessons on weekends, and this thing with Mat and music can bring some more money. I earn well; I am comfortable after paying my bills.’’
‘’I had no idea you were working for him.’’
‘’Yes, I do. I don’t do anything related to legal things. I am more of a receptionist. I take calls, arrange meetings, and make sure every lawyer has their calendar updated. It is ok nine to five job, and if I have to stay longer, they pay extra. I stayed a few times, and my account was very happy.’’
Callie laughed at that comment.
‘’I don’t really get extra money if I stay longer.’’
‘’You would if you worked for Robert.’’
‘’Probably.’’
‘’Maybe, someday?’’
‘’I don’t know… Everything is possible.’’
She stroked his hand.
‘’I am sorry… So, when did all that happen? I don’t even know when Eliza left.’’
‘’Well, it started about six months ago.’’
That surprised her. She had no idea his life had changed so much. She felt bad for not being there for him. As usual, she was caught up in her drama to even notice Brandon having problems. And then she remembered that he avoided her for some time and she was pretty sure it was during the time he was at his worst.
‘’I wish I knew.’’
‘’I wanted to tell you… I just didn’t know how. And I was pretty sure Jamie told you already.’’
‘’How much does he know?’’
‘’I don’t know, but I am sure he knows we are divorced.’’
‘’Was that really for the best?’’
He looked at her and gave her a small smile.
‘’I set her free from the marriage where she didn’t get the love she deserved. I did love her, but we both knew it would never be enough. She said in the end that she always felt like I was never completely invested in that marriage. She had her dad hire someone to follow me. And she was very disappointed when he found nothing. I was seeing you, Matt, Mariana and Jesus and Jude when we had our family things. There was no one else. She had me followed for months, and she was confused why I would be distant if there was no one else.’’
‘’Was there really no way you could have fixed it?’’
He gave her one of the looks she didn’t like, a look that made her feel emotionally exposed.
‘’It’s just us here, Callie… We don’t have to lie and pretend, especially after this lunch… Why do you think? Why do you think you and I couldn’t keep the relationship for almost ten years? Why can’t we really commit to someone?’’
She lowered her gaze. She knew what he was talking about.
‘’Your current ‘’crisis’’ is not about loving Gael or Jamie… it is about who is making it easier to pretend that that is the relationship you want. You don’t want them…You want someone to numb the pain…just like I did. I am sure they are good people and that sometimes you do let yourself forget about our mess, but it doesn’t last long. Maybe they are good in bed…I am sure they are better than me…but are they better than us, that is the question? Does that get better than feeling whole and at home?’’
Callie was silent, trying to stop the tears that wouldn’t stop running.
‘’I knew there was no running from it when she told me about Europe and the possibility of staying there for even longer. In that moment, my mind went to you… How I wouldn’t be able to see you for two years or more… I forced myself to believe we would never be together and that I would never have you like those times we allowed ourselves to live and love. But I couldn’t stand not seeing you…I knew my marriage was over then. I had a woman who wanted me, who wanted to be with me, wanted life with me, and all I was thinking of was a woman in whose life I was a shadow…something made into a dirty little secret…something you ae ashamed of…and still I picked you.’’
‘’Brandon…’’
‘’I know, Callie, you don’t have to say anything.’’
‘’You are wrong…’’
‘’About what?’’
‘’I am not ashamed… I almost let them make me feel ashamed, but I didn’t let that feeling win. For every bad thing they said, I found ten good and positive and I grew proud of us. Maybe in secret, but never ashamed. I let them believe what they needed to believe, but deep inside, I knew you were the best thing that has ever been mine. How could I be ashamed of someone who made me the happiest and who is to this day someone I love so much that I feel like they are integral part of me…like if anyone tried to remove you from me…I think I would have died… Trying to hide us, I somehow made you part of myself…integral part of myself…like part of my body whose removal would be fatal… And it scares me, Brandon. I am terrified of the day when you would realize I was not worth all the effort and pain.’’
‘’I don’t think that day would ever come.’’
‘’How do you know?’’
‘’I know you… ‘’
He saw on her face that it was not very convincing answer to her question. She needed more from him.
‘’Since we were forced to stop dating, we became friends. I’ve seen you at your worse and best and I never wanted out. Even when we spoke of other people in your life. Regardless of how painful was that, I never wanted to be away from you. Callie, you felt like oxygen. I could do anything, push through my marriage, because I knew that on some random day of the week, I would see you for an hour or more and get my fill of you… Just seeing you was enough. And if I ever got a chance to be fully with you, I would not waste it ever… I would relish every moment we get.’’
They spent few more moments just holding hands in silence, trying to think where do they go from here. Now, they both said things they kept hidden for years and Callie was sure that it would be so hard to go back to ignoring it all again.
It was getting cold so they decided to get back in. When they got down, food was put away, and the table was cleared. They were both surprised their siblings did that or at least one of them did. Usually, Brandon and Callie were the ones in charge of everything. Mariana and Jesus were not the ones to ever clear the table, well, not since they left the Foster household. Jude would usually leave earlier than any of them, so he never got a chance to help, so it fell back to Brandon and Callie doing it all.
‘’Do you want me to get us some leftovers? We didn’t have much of our lunch.’’
‘’No, but I want Jude’s cheesecake. That place he gets it from can do no wrong with their sweets.’’
‘’That sounds right. You know I really don’t have a sweet tooth, but I can’t stop eating things he brings from that place. Like, I can’t recognize myself how much I can eat.’’
She took the box out of the fridge and he took two spoons. They took a seat on the living room floor and Callie even brought a good bottle of wine. They drank from the bottle because they were too lazy to move and get glasses. Mariana found them few hours later with half-eaten cake, two empty bottles of wine and telling some crazy college stories they had never told before. Callie was laughing so hard that at some point she started crying over a pair of brand-new shoes her friend lost at the beach. That even made Mariana smile. She joined them on the sofa and took a good look at her drunk siblings.
‘’How are you going home B? You can’t drive like that.’’
‘’I don’t know…Maybe I can’t drive, but I can walk.’’
Mariana had no idea about Eliza situation. Their apartment was about twenty minutes by car and she knew he couldn’t walk there. It was too far to let him walk this drunk.
‘’Do you want me to call someone to pick you up? Is Eliza at home?’’
Callie noticed that he didn’t want to answer that so she said something that surprised all three of them.
‘’Maybe he should stay here?’’
‘’Callie, our roommates are coming home soon…’’
‘’He can say in my room.’’
‘’And where would you stay?’’
Even drunk, Callie knew she had to play it smart. Like it was embodied in her to protect whatever fragile thing she had with Brandon from everyone.
‘’Well, you can put up with me for one night?’'
‘’I suppose so…’’
‘’Unless, you have some visitors tonight?’’
‘’I can cancel…’’
Brandon got up from the floor and put his hand over Callie’s shoulder.
‘’Nonoo… We shouldn’t stand in the way of her sex life… I can share with you…I’ll take the floor and you take the bed.’’
‘’Brandon…’’
‘’I know you have that blow-up bed for when Jude comes…’’
Callie almost forgot about it.
‘’Fine… You can sleep there, but we need Mariana’s help to get it set up…’’
Mariana helped them blow up the bed and put sheets and all on it. Callie gave Brandon towels to take a shower and out of the back of her closet, she got his sweats and one of his favorite shirts she stole a long time ago. Both Brandon and Mariana gave her a look. Brandon went to the bathroom and Mariana just stood there watching her.
‘’What?’’
‘’You still have his things?’’
‘’Girls keep things from their ex-boyfriends.’’
‘’Can you show me something of Jamie’s or Gael’s?’’
Callie was getting tired of this. She was tired of accusations and negativity surrounding everything she and Brandon felt or did.
‘’Just say what you want, Mariana…’’
‘’Nothing… Just be careful.’’
‘’Or what?’’
‘’Or this family will really fall apart.’’
Callie was not sure if it was alcohol speaking or years of silence, but she gave Mariana a very cold and angry look that her sister had never seen before.
‘’This family fell apart years ago, but you were all too busy with yourselves to notice. We haven’t been family in years, Mariana….’’
Callie took her to the bookshelf and showed her the last few Christmas family pictures.
‘’Look at them… Don’t you see SOMEONE missing?’’
‘’Brandon was not there…’’
‘’No, he wasn’t… And he was barely in the house since he started college.’’
‘’He abandoned the family.’’
‘’Or the family abandoned him? Think about what he said during lunch and think about those words very well…’’
Before they could continue the talk, Brandon came back from the bathroom. Mariana wished them good night and left the room. He looked at Callie and was silent for a moment.
‘’Are you ok? Did she say something?’’
‘’Don’t worry. It was Mariana just being Mariana.’’
‘’Ok… I know I am very drunk, but if you want to talk…just kick me to wake up and pay attention.’’
Callie smirked at that comment and just nodded. She got her things and went to get ready for bed. Brandon got comfortable on the blow-up bed and was close to falling asleep when she came back to the room. Callie got into her bed and turned off the light. She was tired and drunk, but also excited that Brandon was so close. She couldn’t sleep knowing that he was just one step away from her. She rolled to the edge of her bed and just looked at him. His eyes were closed and he looked very peaceful.
‘’B…’’
‘’Yes?’’
‘’Can you?’’
Without opening his eyes, he got his hand out from the covers and gave it to her. They spent the night on separate beds, holding hands. To someone, it could have been something small and meaningless, but to two of them, it was huge. After years of restricting themselves, they dared to touch.
The following morning, they woke up very sore, but still holding hands. When they noticed their hands touching, they both blushed but didn’t let go.
‘’ So, what is the plan for today?’’
‘’Well, it is Sunday. I have some briefs to prepare for tomorrow. I am expected to have week from hell and we have no idea how long we would be buried in the mountain of paperwork.’’
‘’Auch...’’
‘’And you?’’
‘’I will be a hermit for the next two weeks. I have some music to finish so going to buy food is the only time I would see the light of day…or maybe night…’’
‘’Music?’’
‘’Matt and I are trying to write an album for a friend of his, so we are working on that. Some things we would do together, but some would be done separately. Since I have work during the day, my writing sessions would probably take afternoon and night.So, my next two weeks are reserved for music and having no idea what to write.’’
Callie smiled.
‘’I don’t know much about writing music or process, but I know you will find your groove… You always do and create magic out of it.’’
‘’Thank you… I might call you if I need some inspiration.’’
‘’If I find my phone under all the paperwork, I will answer.’’
‘’Do you want to eat breakfast by the beach in that small café?’’
‘’Sure. It would be nice to see the light of the day before I bury myself in paperwork.’’
‘’Ok… let me change, and we can go.’’
He went to the bathroom, and Callie changed in the room. On the way out they saw some of Callie’s roommates who were surprised to see Brandon there. He was not visiting often and when he did, they mostly spent time outside or in the living room. They greeted them and left the house. Brandon drove to the café and Callie was thinking out loud what they could have for breakfast. They agreed to share so in the end pancakes were what they picked. She took with whipped cream and strawberries and he took his with chocolate syrup. They had beautiful view to the ocean and their iced coffee was perfect.
‘’I don’t feel like working now… I wish this music could write itself.’’
‘’I agree… I wish my papers would read and sort themselves without me getting close to them.’’
‘’Nah… You love your work and helping people who have no one else but your little band of married legal outcasts.’’
She smiled at that comment and he smiled at her. He loved making her smile, especially those small, secret smiles she didn’t want anyone to see.
‘’ Not everyone can afford expensive lawyers who have drinks with state attorneys or judges in their spare time. You love helping the underdog because you’ve been one yourself your all life. You might live better now, but you’ve never forgotten where you came from. Foster system Callie is still there fighting the system and trying to protect people who are powerless for some reason.’’
‘’One of the biggest arguments I’ve had with Jamie was that I was wasting my time working for the little man. He wanted me to come work for his dad with him.’’
‘’Money would definitely be better, but knowing you, you wouldn’t be able to live with that decision. You like what you do and you are getting better at it. Maybe at some point you would join firm like Jamie’s or your dad’s but now it is not the time. You still have so much to prove to yourself.’’
‘’What do you mean?’’
‘’To give back to the kids, to all the (insert name of the appropriate friend) of the world, to help all the Arons get the innocent verdict and get them out of prison, help kids like you get out of juvies. When you do a portion of all those things, then you will think about change of career or maybe even chaise the money.’’
‘’I don’t care about the money. I am not doing it for the money.’’
‘’I know. But things can change. Maybe in a few years you say you want a corner office with a view and a bonus big enough for some exotic travel. I am not saying you will be that lawyer, I am just saying you are allowed to change your mind.’’
‘’If I do that, I would feel like a sellout. I got all that on the back of someone’s misery. Instead of looking for the truth, I am in it for the money. And you know that is not me. Maybe Jamie and his dad can do it, but I can’t.’’
‘’And that is a legit feeling too.’’
She took a sip of her coffee.
''He wants me back... He thinks this was just a rough patch...''
Brandon felt a kick in his stomach. He knew they would have to talk about things like that at some point. Are they finally choosing to fight against the world and be together or going back to their usual behavior ‘’I love you to death, but can’t hurt…. whoever was on the other side of the conversation’’.
‘’And what do you want to do?’’
‘’Jamie is a good guy, but some core values we have are always in conflict. I want to help the little guy, and he wants to do what his dad tells him to and get a big check out of it.’’
‘’And do you love him?’’
‘’I care about him, but not enough to be blinded by the side I don’t like. It is not something you can compromise over.’’
‘’I get it.’’
‘’And he thinks I am childish and immature when it comes to law and the way I chose to work.’’
‘’Well, the main question is, if you choose Jamie, could you live with yourself knowing what he does and how it collides with the values you have. Can you live with a man who worked to leave people without a roof over their heads just that some rich daddy’s friend could build his complex…knowing that the same would happen to the people in the surrounding buildings.’’
‘’No, I couldn’t.’’
‘’And that it your answer.’’
‘’I guess it is.’’
She looked at the ocean in silence.
‘’Now I have to talk to him and tell moms it is over.’’
‘’Talking to him will be hard, and when it comes to moms, it is none of their business. They have their own divorce to deal with. Your breakup is just yours.’’
‘’I guess…’’
It was time for both of them to leave and do their work, but none of them actually wanted to move.
‘’I wish we could spend the day here…just being together and looking at the ocean.’’
‘’Maybe soon we would have day like that or weekend like that.’’
‘’I sure hope so.’’
They got back to Brandon’s car and he gave her a ride home. As soon as she got there, she went to her room and started working on the case she was on. Most of the day she spent on Skype with the team, where they would read what they found out loud and take notes on where to take their research to. At some point, her roommates came back and the house was pretty loud and it was hard to work, but Callie knew she had to pull through and block the noise and everything happening around her. Around midnight, she put her earplugs and went to bed. This will be a very long week of preparations and part of her was not ready for long hours in a very loud house.