i'm lost, can i come over?

by Carmelliaa

Summary:

When the alarm from his phone echoed against the bathroom tiles, his gaze snapped toward it.
Hoseok silenced the alarm, whose shrill sound grated against his ears and tightened every inch of his body.

With a trembling hand, he picked up the pregnancy test he had turned face down beside the sink.He drew in a deep breath, and desperate to be free of the tension and anticipation strangling him, he flipped the test over in one abrupt motion.

 

Pregnant.

 

 

 

 

 

Hoseok stood tensely in the bathroom, his foot tapping anxiously against the tiled floor, turning his restless waiting into a sharp, tangible sound.

Even as he drew deep breaths and tried to steady himself, his heart pounded wildly. The unsettling nausea in his stomach urged him to lunge for the toilet beside him and empty everything inside.

His omega instincts, meanwhile, sent waves of excitement coursing through his veins, making his body tremble with anticipation. But it was instinctual. Hoseok knew that.

By biology alone, he was supposed to be ready for this. And yet, no matter what he did, all he felt was anxiety and tension rather than excitement.

He took a deep breath and tore his gaze away from the pregnancy test whose result he was awaiting so tensely, turning on the faucet instead. 

He watched the rushing stream of water meet the sink, wishing he, too, could feel as clear, fresh, and cool as it looked.

If only he could be calm enough to let himself go with the flow.

When he looked in the mirror, he felt disgusted by the sight of himself. His hair was tangled and unruly. His face was pale. Faint shadows from sleeplessness hung beneath his eyes. His lips seemed to have lost their natural pink, slightly chapped, some places crusted over. His hand itched to pick at those scabs and open fresh wounds in their place.

To resist the urge, he plunged his hands into the cold water and splashed a handful over his face. The cool wetness jolted his nerves for a few seconds, letting his body loosen and relax, if only briefly.

When he washed his face and looked into the mirror again, the part of him that had hoped he would look better was met with disappointment. Not even slightly had he changed. And when his own eyes met the ones staring back at him in the reflection, the nausea only worsened.

Even his scent had turned increasingly sour. As if the bitter taste coating his mouth was not making things any easier.

When the alarm from his phone echoed against the bathroom tiles, his gaze snapped toward it.

Two minutes had passed…

But it had felt like two hours, even two years.

Hoseok silenced the alarm, whose shrill sound grated against his ears and tightened every inch of his body.

With a trembling hand, he picked up the pregnancy test he had turned face down beside the sink, lying there like an enemy that might poison him. He drew in a deep breath, and desperate to be free of the tension and anticipation strangling him, he flipped the test over in one abrupt motion.

Pregnant.

The test slipped from his hand and clattered onto the cold white tile.

Hoseok rushed to the toilet and vomited.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hoseok could feel his stomach settling just a little. Not having eaten anything and having an empty stomach made him think he wouldn’t throw up again, but he was aware that it was a false illusion.

Even though there had been nothing left in his stomach for the past two hours, he constantly felt the urge to rush to the bathroom and retch. 

The bitter, acidic taste of bile never left his mouth, continuously burning his throat. Because he hadn’t been eating and due to the nausea, his body felt extremely weak. 

Every time he stood up, his head spun. Every part of him trembled, he could barely even stay on his feet.

He knew he needed to eat something as soon as possible, but even the faintest smell of food in the house only made his urge to throw up worse. It had gotten to the point where, despite the cold spring air, he had opened all the windows in his home just to keep any scent from reaching him.

But it wasn’t helping, and Hoseok didn’t know how he was supposed to get used to this. It had only been two days since he found out he was pregnant. He couldn’t eat, and he couldn’t properly take care of his daily tasks. The only thing he could do was let his alpha’s scent surround him.

He wore nothing but his mate Yoongi’s cardigans and shirts. The faint scent of fresh earth mixed with cedarwood, so uniquely his, calmed both his stomach and the omega inside him, making him feel a little better.

But he wasn’t sure he could go on like this. He felt too weak to even move from one room to another. He wondered how he was supposed to continue his work and daily life like this.

His gaze lazily drifted to the clock on the wall. It felt as though time moved slower just because it was Friday. The minute hand seemed to have stopped moving altogether, leaving the hour hand frozen in the same place for hours.

He slowly pushed himself up from the couch. The fleece blanket he had wrapped around himself slipped off, exposing his belly.

His gaze lingered there, as if he might be able to see the pup inside. It wasn’t grown yet, but in contrast to everything he was feeling, it looked slightly swollen, like he had eaten too much.

The idea that there was a living being inside his womb still felt unfamiliar, almost unreal…

He brought his hand to his belly, as if he might be able to feel it. A pup that resembled him… a pup that resembled both him and his mate, Yoongi…

Just the thought alone made his heart stutter, his omega letting out pleased, joyful purrs. His stomach tightened, though he couldn’t tell if it was from excitement or the nausea that came with pregnancy.

Ah, what wouldn’t he give to feel like himself again… to be able to eat properly…

He knew this phase was temporary, he had heard the experiences of other pregnant omegas but living through it himself felt entirely different.

The pregnancy… the morning sickness… the fact that there was a life growing inside him…

A faint smile appeared on Hoseok’s face. He could feel the fear and anxiety he had when he first found out slowly fading day by day. But the fact that he still hadn’t told Yoongi about the pregnancy continued to stir unease somewhere deep inside him.

His omega was unsettled by it too, and Hoseok didn’t like that at all. It felt as though they were betraying their alpha.

Because…

Because this hadn’t been a planned pregnancy.

Years had passed since their marriage, and whenever Hoseok brought up having a pup, Yoongi would always say it was too soon. The conversation would always circle back to it not being the right time, and then it would close.

Eventually, Hoseok had stopped trying to bring it up. If Yoongi wanted, he could talk about it himself. But waiting had been pointless. Yoongi had never once expressed a desire for a pup, nor shown any sign of it.

And now… Hoseok was pregnant.

That was why he felt hesitant about telling Yoongi.

But he was determined not to drag out that hesitation any longer. The pup’s father deserved to know just as much as he did.

Besides, when he thought about it, Hoseok realized there simply hadn’t been an opportunity to tell him. 

Yoongi had been working late for the past two days, coming home late at night. And for those same two days, Hoseok would only barely wake up when his alpha’s scent wrapped around him, realizing Yoongi had come to lie beside him.

So it wasn’t as if he had been intentionally hiding it.

His eyes drifted back to the clock, and he saw that there was one hour and thirty-seven minutes left until Yoongi came home. He took a deep breath, trying to suppress the now familiar wave of nausea in his stomach.

He placed his hand over his belly and gently stroked it.

“Not long now, little one… just hold on a bit longer.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

By the time the sun had set and the sky had fallen into darkness, Hoseok woke up in the dim house. 

He couldn’t see what time it was, but he could tell it was much later than when Yoongi was supposed to be home. Slowly, he sat up and waited for his eyes to adjust to the dark. He stretched his arms, his stiff shoulder, and his back.

Now that he was pregnant, he made a mental note to be more careful about where he fell asleep. He needed to take care of himself for his pup. He shouldn’t be sleep-deprived or exhausted anymore; he had to take his vitamins properly. He needed to eat…

The moment he thought about food, the sound of his stomach growling filled the silence of the house. A faint smile appeared on his lips as his hand immediately found his belly. 

His stomach still felt a little off, but he needed to try eating for his pup. For the first time in days, he felt a hint of appetite, and he needed to take advantage of it while he could.

He slowly got up from the couch and carefully made his way through the room, making sure not to bump into anything as he turned on the living room light. 

The brightness stung his eyes, but the light made him feel a little better. He glanced at the clock and saw that it was almost midnight.

He tried not to let it upset him that Yoongi hadn’t told him. His alpha was working for him and for their home, but sometimes Hoseok wished Yoongi wouldn’t push himself this hard.

Maybe it was a little selfish, but Hoseok wanted Yoongi to spend some time with him. Like before, spending weekends together, cooking dinner side by side, talking in their nest before falling asleep…

Hoseok let out a quiet sigh. For some reason, these thoughts made his eyes well up immediately. He blamed his sensitivity on his already intense hormones. But both he and his omega felt a quiet heartbreak toward the alpha they had been longing for. He tried to sweep that truth under the rug and not think about it too much.

He walked into the kitchen, and the silence of the house was filled only with the sound of a spoon stirring a pot and porcelain dishes clinking together. The air carried the bittersweet scent of soy sauce, mixing with Hoseok’s clean honeysuckle scent.

He didn’t know how long he stayed in the kitchen, but by the time he sat down alone at the table, it was past midnight. Steam rose gently from the soft tofu soup he had prepared, drifting upward into the air.

Hoseok looked at the tofu soup in front of him, a dish he normally loved but suddenly, his appetite vanished. The smell of the food made his stomach churn, and a tight knot formed in his throat.

The silence of the house felt like the warning of a disaster growing larger and larger. It was as if he could hear the rush of his blood, the increasing beat of his heart echoing in his ears. His thoughts grew heavier, more tangible, swirling around him like a storm.

Hoseok felt alone…

He wanted to cry…

He felt exhausted from being alone for the past two days, from trying to process all the overwhelming emotions brought on by the huge change in his life entirely by himself. 

His omega tried to stay strong and be happy for the pup, but it longed for the presence of those he loved, especially his alpha.

He was tired of lying to himself. Yoongi’s growing distance, spending more and more time at work, was weakening the bond between them. The thoughts Hoseok had locked behind closed doors were now slowly seeping through the cracks, poisoning his heart.

Without realizing it, he wiped away the silent tears streaming down his cheeks. He covered his food with a cloth. With the uncomfortable knot in his throat and the nausea in his stomach, he didn’t think he could manage even a single bite.

But guilt rushed into his heart before he could even leave the kitchen. He had only known about the pregnancy for two days, and already he couldn’t do what was right for his pup. He couldn’t even eat properly.

How was Hoseok supposed to become a parent…

Did he even have what it took to care for and raise a pup? When he could barely take care of himself, the idea of raising a life entirely dependent on him suddenly felt suffocating.

Hoseok felt like he couldn’t breathe.

But the sound of a key turning in the door snapped his attention away for a moment.

Yoongi had finally come home.

His omega stirred with joy. Just when he felt at his worst, his alpha arriving felt like a savior, and it made him incredibly happy.

As Yoongi stepped inside, the scent of cedar filled the house. Hoseok followed that familiar scent like it was his only remedy. After the faded traces left on the clothes he had been clinging to all day, his alpha’s fresh, vibrant scent awakened all his senses at once.

“I’m home.”

Yoongi’s exhausted figure came into his view. Hoseok quickened his steps and wrapped his arms around him. His nose immediately found its place against Yoongi’s neck, breathing in the familiar scent of cedar mixed with earth. Instinctively, his arms tightened around him, as if even the smallest gap would make Yoongi disappear again.

“I’m really dirty, Hoseok…” Yoongi’s voice came out tired, worn down. It wasn’t hard to tell how much the day had drained him. Dark circles had formed under his eyes, his skin looked pale, and his body seemed barely able to hold itself up.

“Won’t you even give your omega a kiss?” Hoseok asked. He waited for Yoongi’s arms to wrap around him but it never happened. He tried to ignore the quiet ache in his chest, but right now, he felt like he desperately needed even the smallest bit of Yoongi’s attention.

“I’m really tired… and dirty,” Yoongi said again, pulling back to look at him. The distance that suddenly came between them made Hoseok even more uncomfortable. Slowly, he let go of him.

“I’m going to take a shower and go straight to sleep.”

Hoseok didn’t say anything. Over the past few weeks, this had become their routine. They didn’t really talk, they didn’t really kiss, and even the time they spent together had grown scarce.

“I made food. You can eat if you’re hungry.”

He didn’t want his voice to sound so hurt and distant, but he couldn’t help it. All he wanted was to spend time with his alpha. 

He had missed him terribly but Yoongi didn’t seem in the mood at all. He understood; Yoongi was working himself to exhaustion. But Hoseok wanted to be a little selfish.

Yoongi’s tired gaze lingered on Hoseok’s face. Hoseok tried to force a smile, but he knew it didn’t work. He had never been good at lying especially not about his feelings.

“Thank you, Seok-ah…” Yoongi whispered softly. Noticing Hoseok’s fallen expression and the pout on his lips, a faint smile appeared on his face. He placed a small kiss on Hoseok’s cheek. “I’ll eat something after I shower.”

Hoseok nodded lightly and followed him into their bedroom. As Yoongi slowly began to undress and prepare for his shower, Hoseok sat on the bed, watching him.

He didn’t want this to be the only conversation they had. Letting the day end like this, going straight to sleep and repeating the same thing the next day… didn’t feel right to him. This wasn’t what he was used to.

“How is work going?” Hoseok asked hesitantly. He didn’t know how willing Yoongi was to talk, especially when he looked so tired. But before Yoongi used to tell him everything now, the silence felt strange.

“It’s fine…” Yoongi said, taking off his tie and setting it aside.

“Fine…? Is that all?” Hoseok couldn’t stop the slight sharpness in his voice. At that, Yoongi paused unbuttoning his shirt and slowly turned to him.

“Yes.”

Hoseok felt his irritation rising. The burning in his stomach climbed up to his throat. His hands tightened into fists against the bedsheet beneath him.

“Are you really too tired to even form a sentence?” he snapped. Even he didn’t understand where this sudden aggression was coming from. 

Over the past few days, Hoseok couldn’t even make sense of his own emotional ups and downs. He didn’t want to believe his hormones were this unstable.

“Hoseok, I said I’m tired. You keep insisting on asking questions. How do you expect me to answer?”

Hoseok clenched his fist tighter. The feel of the silk sheets beneath his fingers somehow made him feel a little stronger.

“If this were before, no matter how tired you were, you’d still spend time with me. You’d tell me how your day went.” His lips trembled as he spoke. His eyes slowly filled with tears, but he tried to stay calm by taking a deep breath and filling his lungs, despite everything with the clean cedarwood scent of his alpha.

“That was before. I’m older now.” Yoongi stepped closer to him. Beneath his open shirt, his pale, smooth skin was visible. The faint lines of his muscles looked even more defined under the shadows cast by the fabric, making him appear more striking, more beautiful. His fair skin looked soft, almost inviting to be marked.

Hoseok forced his gaze back up to Yoongi’s face so he wouldn’t get distracted.

“Don’t talk like you’re the only one getting older in this world.” Hoseok’s voice rose slightly. Right now, he wished he could go back just a few hours to when he had been waiting excitedly for Yoongi, ready to tell him about the pregnancy.

He would give anything for that moment back. Because now, the air in their bedroom felt sharp enough to cut his skin and heavy enough to worsen his nausea. The scents around him had turned sour and unpleasant. That soft, comforting blend he loved was gone.

Yoongi watched him for a few seconds, his brows faintly furrowed. It was clear from the slight widening of his eyes that he was trying to make sense of Hoseok’s words and reactions. 

But no matter how long passed, he didn’t respond. Instead, he pulled his shirt off roughly and tossed it aside. He grabbed a towel from the closet and draped it over his shoulder.

The way he said nothing, the harshness of his movements made Hoseok shiver. He had never expected something like this to happen, and being in this moment felt unfamiliar, almost unreal.

“You’ve been overly sensitive lately, Hoseok.” Yoongi spoke quietly, almost under his breath, but in the silence of the house, it was loud enough to be heard clearly.

“Where is the old Yoongi? What did you do to him?” Hoseok asked. At that, Yoongi’s steps froze. He turned back and looked at him.

“I’m just working more to provide for our home, Hoseok. You should be happy about that, but instead, you’re throwing these strange accusations at me.”

Yoongi paused, taking a deep breath as if trying to calm himself. His voice lowered slightly as he continued.

“All I’m doing is coming home late, and that’s because I’m working and trying to earn money. You should be able to understand that I’m tired when I get home and just want to sleep.”

As Hoseok listened, the knot in his throat tightened. His lips trembled as if they were about to break into sobs. The nausea grew worse, making him want to run to the bathroom and throw up. It felt like maybe, if he did, he could get rid of all these emotions too.

“I wish I could work from home like you for three days, but not everyone is as lucky as you. So I expect you to be understanding, but instead, you’re acting childish.”

The moment the words left Yoongi’s mouth, he paused. As if realizing he had gone too far, he let out a deep breath and pinched the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes briefly as though trying to gather his thoughts.

“Whatever,” he said finally, unable to find anything else to say. He carefully avoided looking at Hoseok’s face. Hoseok was almost grateful for that, he didn’t want Yoongi to see the single tear that had escaped.

“I’m going to take a shower.”

Yoongi closed the door behind him and left Hoseok alone, and only then did Hoseok’s tears begin to fall freely. He tried to understand what had happened, how the atmosphere between them had turned so tense so suddenly, but he couldn’t.

All he could think about was how their bond had grown this fragile. Maybe this had been their longest conversation in weeks, and even that had ended in an argument. Hoseok was crying now, while Yoongi was perhaps showering, unaware of how deeply he had broken his heart.

Hoseok wiped the tears from his cheeks with the back of his hand. Earlier today, he had thought that maybe he would cry out of happiness when he told Yoongi the news about the pregnancy, but it had gone nothing like he imagined.

His hand drifted lightly to his belly, caressing it as if his pup could somehow feel him, and he hoped his current sadness, especially this bitter argument with Yoongi, would not be sensed by the little pup inside his womb.

He wondered how he was supposed to tell Yoongi they were having a pup when they could barely speak properly to each other.

His fingers pressed more firmly against his skin, trying to make his presence known, as if to reassure his pup that he was there, that everything was alright.

But when the bathroom door flew open harshly, the bond he had been building with his pup was severed in an instant. His eyes caught Yoongi’s wide, startled gaze, his rapidly rising and falling chest, the shock written all over his face.

“H-Hoseok…”

Yoongi’s voice was so different from the hard, resolute, faintly disappointed one from their argument only moments ago. It sounded almost frightened, helpless, bewildered.

Yoongi lifted a hand, and Hoseok saw the pale cream plastic of the pregnancy test, the one he had stared at in fear two days ago.

Suddenly it felt as if boiling water had been poured over him. His stomach lurched into his throat. His whole body trembled like a leaf.

“H-Hoseok… W-what is this?”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yoongi was walking. He didn’t know where he was going. He only knew he kept walking until he couldn’t feel his legs anymore but whether he was running or walking, he couldn’t even tell now. It was as if his body was moving independently of him, his mind lagging behind, leaving only his muscles to drag him somewhere unknown.

Cold wind brushed against his face along with droplets of dew. They wet his cheeks and eyelashes, and that sharp chill hitting his skin kept him conscious only for a few seconds at a time. As if without that cold, his mind would completely shatter him.

He didn’t recognize anything he saw. He felt far away from the streets he knew, as if he had wandered into a completely foreign place.

His body was tense and restless so much so that it felt like someone might step out from an alley at any moment, block his path, and drag him into darkness.

His alpha kept whining in distress. The only thing he could think about was his omega, his home and his scent. Without that scent, the emptiness inside him grew larger, turning into an endless dark abyss.

But Yoongi wasn’t strong enough to face that right now. Even thinking about Hoseok made a thin, sharp pain bloom in his chest like a wound he had never felt before, cutting through him from the inside.

Suddenly, he flinched at the sunlight hitting his eyes. He squinted, blinking rapidly for a few seconds to adjust. When he looked around, he couldn’t believe the sky had brightened. He hadn’t even noticed when the gray clouds had parted to let the sun through.

When had night ended?

When had morning come?

Everything around him, the buildings, the alleyways, was now bright enough that it shouldn’t have been frightening anymore. Pale golden sunlight slipped gently through the trees and struck the windows of houses, as if trying to wake everyone inside.

People passed him on their way to work or school, some of them casting strange glances at him. For a moment, he wondered how disheveled and ruined he must look but the thought didn’t last.

Because then he heard a pups' cheerful scream behind him.

He turned immediately. He couldn’t even believe he hadn’t realized he was next to a playground.

His eyes landed on the source of the sound.

A little girl, around four years old, was being pushed on a swing by her mother. Every time she rose higher, she let out a joyful scream, trying to go even higher.

Yoongi’s breath caught in his throat.

He tugged at the collar of his already open shirt, trying to loosen it further but it did nothing to ease the suffocating pressure in his chest.

He wanted to leave.

The pup’s happy screams felt like they were striking his heart, cracking him open from the inside.

But his feet wouldn’t move. As if they were nailed to the ground.

Helplessly, he covered his ears. His hands clung to them as if he wanted to rip them off.

Then more small pups came into view.

This time, two boys.

They looked like twins. They were wearing the same colored overalls, only their hats were different colors. They seemed even younger. One of them was tightly holding a green sippy cup as if it contained his entire world. The other was holding his brother’s hand.

One of the twins suddenly let go and ran toward the playground. Their father tried to follow, but couldn’t keep up with the small body’s excited speed.

Yoongi watched them without even blinking. As if blinking would turn the world upside down.

His heart was pounding so hard it rang in his ears.

One of the running twins headed straight for the slide but he wasn’t looking ahead. He stumbled a few times, nearly falling. Each time Yoongi noticed it, his hand instinctively flew to his chest, gripping his shirt tightly.

So small…

A pup that needed protection.. A pup that needed care..

Just as the father was about to catch him, the child suddenly changed direction and ran directly in front of the swing where the little girl was.

Yoongi’s breath stopped.

He watched the father instantly rush forward without a second thought, throwing himself in front of the swing and wrapping his pup in his arms to shield him from the impact.

Yoongi took a shaky breath, pressing his hand against his chest as if trying to calm his heart.

But instead of slowing down, his breathing only became more erratic.

It felt like his lungs were shrinking. Like the air itself wasn’t giving him life anymore but poisoning him instead.

He couldn’t stop the thoughts from gathering like dark clouds in his mind. Each one hit his heart like a falling rock from an avalanche. And then he realized…

Yoongi wasn’t enough.

He wasn’t enough to be a father.

Not enough to protect a pup, raise one, keep one alive.

His eyes filled with tears.

In his mind, those recurring nightmare scenes began to appear again and again.

He and Hoseok had a pup… and then Yoongi found himself completely alone in a room. He was trying to reach Hoseok. His pup’s painful cries pierced his ears but he could never find them.

He couldn’t reach them…

He couldn’t save them…

Yoongi felt his breath break apart.

Wetness gathered on his cheeks. It was only when his palms touched the cold, damp soil that he realized he had fallen to his knees. He did not even know when it had happened.

He couldn’t do it.

He couldn’t be a good father.

He would disappoint Hoseok. He wouldn’t be able to care for their pup. He wouldn’t be able to protect them.

Tears flowed faster now. He didn’t even try to wipe them away.

The world felt like it had lost its sound only his ragged breathing and the pounding of blood in his ears remained.

And then—

A vibration in his pocket snapped him back.

He jolted slightly, looking around in confusion. Only now realizing he was in the middle of the street, sobbing uncontrollably.

His hand found his phone, but his fingers were shaking so badly he almost dropped it.

His vision was blurred with tears, and without even reading the name properly, he answered on instinct.

“Yoongi… where are you?”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Yoongi, where are you..?”

Yoongi pounded on the door harshly. Hearing Hoseok’s voice from the other side only made the alpha inside him grow more restless. Then he heard it. His pup crying.

“Yoongi, we need you..”

Hoseok’s sob echoed through the room Yoongi was trapped in. Yoongi slammed his shoulder against the door. With every hit, the pain intensified, spreading through his entire body.

“Our pup needs you.”

Yoongi felt like the room he was in was shrinking. The pale white walls seemed to close in on him, suffocating him, tightening around his soul.

“Yoongi… hyung, you have to wake up.”

His mate and his pup needed him. As an alpha, he had to protect his family. He had to get through this door.

He staggered back and charged at it again but no matter how hard he hit, the door didn’t even budge. Instead, dizziness overtook him and he collapsed to the floor.

“Hoseok-ah..”

“Hyung, wake up..”

Yoongi forced himself back to his feet. He couldn’t feel his body anymore, but the cries of his mate and his pup behind that door outweighed every pain.

He stumbled back again. Ran toward the door and—

“Hyung, wake up already.”

“Hoseok!”

Yoongi shot upright, gasping before he even understood what was happening. He was drenched in sweat. His clothes clinging tightly to his body. Breathing felt difficult. Every cell in his body throbbed with adrenaline and tension.

Desperately, he searched for Hoseok and their pup but instead, he saw Namjoon holding out a glass of water.

“It was just a nightmare, hyung. Here, drink this.”

Yoongi took the glass with trembling hands. A few drops spilled over him, but he managed to bring it to his lips. The cool water sliding down his throat felt like it was extinguishing the fire burning inside him.

He felt slightly better but he still stayed on edge, as if he could hear Hoseok and their pup at any moment.

“Are you okay now, hyung?” Jimin’s voice came, calm and gentle.

Yoongi turned his gaze toward Jimin, who was sitting at the foot of the couch. That’s when he realized he was in Namjoon and Jimin’s living room.

The dim lamp softly illuminated the mostly beige-toned space. The bookshelf in the corner was left in shadow, hiding the books within. The mix of Jimin and Namjoon’s worried scents created a heavy, suffocating atmosphere.

“Hey, hyung.” Jimin called softly, pulling his attention back.

Yoongi looked at him again. The younger’s eyes scanned him carefully curious, but filled with concern.

“Yeah.” Yoongi had to cough and take another sip of water before his voice came out. “Yeah… I’m fine.”

He took a deep breath and sat up on the couch. Running a hand through his damp hair, he pushed it back. The sweat clinging to him like a second skin made him feel disgusted with himself. And more than that, he felt ashamed to even look at his friends in this state.

“Is there something you want to tell us, hyung?”

“I– I…”

Yoongi’s breath got caught in his throat.

He tried not to think about Hoseok, his mate, whom he had left in the bedroom, eyes filled with tears. Tried not to think about the pup from his nightmares, the one he tried to reach, to protect… the one whose face he couldn’t even see, whose scent he couldn’t recognize, whom he couldn’t even hold.

But every time he closed his eyes, that was all he saw.

All he felt… was pain.

“I.. I need to go.”

The words forced their way out of his throat. He tried to stand, but his legs tangled beneath him. Suddenly, he felt a firm hand on his shoulder.

“You’re not going anywhere in this state, hyung,” Namjoon said firmly.

Yoongi lowered his gaze to the cream-colored carpet. He tried to ignore the desperate pull of his alpha, the restless urge clawing inside him to go to his omega. His alpha ached, whining quietly, craving his omega, his scent, his presence, his comfort.

“Hyung, we found you passed out in a park three neighborhoods away,” Jimin said calmly. He sounded like he didn’t want to scare him but even his tone made it clear he wasn’t going to let Yoongi go anywhere.

“You’re lucky we found you. You didn’t even wake up while we brought you here. You’ve been asleep for hours.”

Namjoon paced back and forth in the room. Yoongi felt like he was being scolded by his parents. There was more fear and worry in Namjoon’s gaze than anger, but his alpha still didn’t like being restrained by another alpha.

“I feel better now,” Yoongi said, as if that alone could erase all of Namjoon’s concern.

But it was a lie.

His entire body ached like he had been run over. His bones hurt. He didn’t even need a mirror to know his eyes were swollen and bruised from crying. His stomach churned uncomfortably, twisted by everything he was feeling.

The wound in his soul felt like it had taken shape in his body, punishing him from the inside out.

Namjoon took a deep breath as if trying to calm himself. His mouth opened and closed like he didn’t know what to say, but in the end, he chose to stay silent.

“Hyung.” Jimin broke the silence. “When we found you, we called Hoseok hyung.”

At the mention of Hoseok’s name, Yoongi immediately turned his head toward Jimin. His body went rigid, and his heart began to pound violently. The image of leaving Hoseok alone flashed before his eyes.

Tearful eyes, one hand resting on his belly, sitting alone on the bed…

Even that alone made him feel like he was suffocating.

Just hearing Hoseok’s name was enough to make his eyes well up and his soul bleed.

“We didn’t mention you so he wouldn’t worry. But he said you suddenly left the house. And he sounded really upset.”

Jimin paused and exchanged a glance with Namjoon. It was as if they were silently debating where to stop, trying not to cross a line. But apparently deciding that the line had already been crossed, Jimin continued.

“It’s obvious something happened between you two. If you don’t want to talk about it, we understand. But if there’s anything we can do to help, I want you to know we’d gladly do it.”

Jimin swallowed and gave Yoongi a moment to process what he’d said.

“Hyung, whatever brought you to this state… you need to get better as soon as possible.”

Yoongi didn’t even notice when Namjoon sat down next to him. Namjoon’s musk scent was clearer now, filling his senses but instead of calming him, it only made him feel worse.

The only scent he wanted was his mate’s. Any other scent just made everything more unbearable.

“I-I…” Yoongi fumbled over his words. Saying it out loud felt like it would prove just how pathetic he was, how weak his alpha had become.

But he didn’t know how much longer he could keep fighting his thoughts and nightmares alone.

“I went home like usual and…”

Yoongi didn’t want to talk about the part where he argued with Hoseok. He thought those moments should stay between him and his mate. So he paused before getting to the real point. The thorny knot forming in his throat hurt.

“I saw a pregnancy test in the bathroom.”

Yoongi took a deep breath. He tried to erase the image of Hoseok’s hurt expression from his mind, but even the thought of it shattered both his own heart and his alpha into pieces.

“And I found out that Hoseok is pregnant,” he finished in a single breath.

Then the room fell into a deathly silence.

Yoongi was too ashamed to look at Jimin and Namjoon. He expected them to point out how pathetic he was, to belittle him, to throw him out, but none of that happened.

“Hyung… congratulations,” Jimin said, still sounding shocked. As if this wasn’t even something he had expected at all, and he was being careful like he was trying to understand why Yoongi reacted this way.

“Is that why you ran away? Because Hoseok hid his pregnancy from you and didn’t tell you?” Namjoon asked. His curious gaze wandered over Yoongi’s face as if searching for an answer.

Yoongi tried to ignore the word ran away.

He swallowed, fists tightening on his knees, wrinkling the fabric of his pants. His nails dug into his skin through the cloth, the sting grounding him.

“No… no, I…” The rest of the words refused to come out.

The fire inside him grew stronger. Fragments of his nightmare circled his mind. Hoseok’s and their pup’s cries echoed louder in his ears.

The small pups he saw at the park… The image of Hoseok, his pregnant mate, left alone in the bedroom behind him…

“You’re not ready yet…?” Jimin asked quietly. His voice was barely above a whisper, like he was speaking more to himself than to Yoongi.

And that was the last drop. The final thing that made Yoongi break. The truth he had been hiding from everyone spilled out. His shoulders shook as he started to cry.

He pitied himself, his weakness, how broken he was mentally despite being a grown man, how he had left Hoseok in disappointment, how he was already a disgrace to his unborn pup, how he would never be a good dad…how he wasn’t a good mate for Hoseok.

He just cried.

Tears streamed down his cheeks. He covered his face with his hands in shame.

He cried because he had disappointed his friends. Because he was showing them this weak side of himself. Because he couldn’t even react like a proper alpha to his mate’s pregnancy.

“Hyung…”

He felt a warm touch on his trembling shoulders. But he was too ashamed to lift his head and look. Sobs slipped past his lips.

“Hyung, please calm down. It’s okay… it’s okay not to be ready…” Namjoon’s voice reached his ears through his sobs.

Yoongi could feel Jimin and Namjoon’s comforting scents more closely now. This time… his muscles loosened, just a little.

“That’s why you don’t need to worry, hyung. This isn’t a problem. Not being ready is just as normal as being ready to become a father.”

Jimin gently rubbed Yoongi’s back. Yoongi felt himself calming down a little. Slowly, he lowered his hands from his face and studied Namjoon and Jimin, who were looking at him with warmth.

There was no anger or hatred in their eyes, not even a trace of pity. Only empathy… and a quiet kind of compassion.

“I left Hoseok alone.” He swallowed, his mouth was dry from crying. “The moment I found out he was pregnant, I ran out of the house.”

Without drawing attention to it, Jimin handed him the glass of water he had left unfinished. Yoongi took a few sips. The water, now slightly warmer, somehow gave him more strength, leaving him feeling a little steadier, a little more grounded.

“I can’t do this… how could I…” Yoongi murmured, more to himself than to them.

“Hyung, you go into those thoughts and come right back out without facing them.”

At Jimin’s warning tone, Yoongi turned toward him. Jimin was looking at him a bit sternly now, his brows slightly furrowed, as if ready to scold him.

“You should’ve talked about all of this with Hoseok hyung. Have you ever told him about these fears before?”

Yoongi shook his head.

Whenever the topic of having a pup came up, he would always brush Hoseok off. He used to think that, with time, he would start wanting a pup too but as time passed, the only thing that grew was his fear… his anxiety about becoming a father.

“Hyung, you can’t keep things like this to yourself.”

Jimin leaned back slightly, almost as if he was judging that choice. Yoongi felt small under his gaze. A wave of shame spread through his body, and he looked away.

“You’re a healthy couple who solves things by talking. Even we look up to you and Namjoon as an example, hyung,” Jimin said, gesturing between himself and Namjoon.

Namjoon nodded lightly in agreement.

“And it upset me that you didn’t talk about this with Hoseok hyung. I’m sure he would’ve understood, just like we do. You could’ve found a way through this together.”

Jimin ran a hand through his hair a little harshly, then took a deep breath as if the frustration of the situation weighed on him too.

“At least your fear of becoming a dadcould’ve been resolved before Hoseok hyung got pregnant. But now… Hoseok hyung is pregnant.”

Jimin looked at Yoongi with a hint of disappointment. The omega in him seemed to empathize more with Hoseok than with Yoongi. And Yoongi couldn’t blame him. As an omega and as a friend, the bond between Jimin and Hoseok was something he couldn’t even begin to measure.

But Jimin’s words only proved what Yoongi already believed what a terrible alpha he was.

“And you left him alone. While he’s pregnant.”

“Jimin.”

Namjoon’s voice cut in, warning him gently. He cleared his throat, drawing Yoongi’s attention.

“Hyung, I know this is difficult for you. But this isn’t something you should be working through with us. It’s something you need to resolve with Hoseok.”

Namjoon placed a supportive hand on Yoongi’s shoulder.

“Just like the news shocked you, it must’ve shocked Hoseok too. This goes both ways. And considering he’s carrying your pup…”

Namjoon paused. His voice softened, uncertain as he continued. “He’s probably just as panicked as you are…”

A silent tear slipped down Yoongi’s cheek.

He had been so focused on his own fears, his own panic, that he hadn’t thought about his mate’s state of mind at all.

The image of Hoseok before he left, the sadness, the disappointment in his eyes, had only made his own heart ache more.

But he hadn’t once thought about what leaving had done to Hoseok’s heart.

He had just run like a coward. Selfish… and cowardly.

He wasn’t strong enough to be an alpha… Wasn’t ready to be a father…

He had broken his mate’s heart.. left him alone… left him while he was carrying their pup.

And he had run.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yoongi watched the sunlight hitting the wall. The shadow of the tree outside the window blurred softly across the bookshelf in the living room. As the wind blew, it swayed gently, leaving the books in a quiet, shifting shade.

He took a deep breath and glanced at the clock. It was only eight. He closed his eyes slightly, trying to fall back asleep, but it was impossible.

The voices in his mind wouldn’t quiet down. The wound carved into his heart, into his soul, kept aching. Every time he closed his eyes, the only thing he saw was Hoseok. Him and… the pup he was carrying in his womb…

Yoongi took a deep breath. He was glad he didn’t have work today. Since it was the weekend, he felt a small sense of relief knowing he didn’t have to go to work like this.

But at the same time, he felt regret. He wasn’t waking up beside Hoseok. He wasn’t spending time with him in bed, wasn’t tangled up together in their nest.

Even if he didn’t want to admit it, when he really thought about it, Yoongi could see just how much he had left Hoseok alone. Extending his work hours just to earn more, coming home late, talking to Hoseok less and less…

Yoongi took a deep breath again, rubbing his face as if he could wipe his thoughts away but it didn’t help.

He had neglected Hoseok too much…

He knew it.

Yoongi took another deep breath to stop himself from crying again. Every time he thought about how much he had hurt Hoseok, his chest tightened. He hated himself for becoming this kind of person.

But he didn’t know how to face Hoseok. After breaking his heart like this, after proving over and over what a cowardly alpha he was, he didn’t have the courage to look him in the eye.

He didn’t have the courage to tell him he couldn’t be a good mate… or a good father…

He didn’t know what to do. He felt helpless.

He picked up his phone. The moment he saw Hoseok’s bright, smiling face on the lock screen, he suddenly realized how badly he wanted to be with him. Hoseok was his mate… the other half of his soul… Yoongi couldn’t do this without him… He had made a mistake, but he had to make up for it…

He quickly found Hoseok’s number, but before pressing the call button, he hesitated.

What if Hoseok didn’t want to talk to him… what if he hated him for running away…

In an instant, the small pieces of courage he had gathered disappeared.

He turned off the phone and set it aside. Leaning back, he closed his eyes and listened to the silence, as if waiting for a message from the universe.

The only thing breaking the silence of the house was the ticking of the wall clock. Other than that, faint voices reached his ears. When he listened more closely, he could hear Jimin and Namjoon talking in the kitchen.

Even without hearing what they were saying, Yoongi was sure they were talking about him. The realization made guilt flood his chest. When he heard Hoseok’s name slip from Jimin’s lips a few times, Yoongi understood exactly what they were discussing.

Jimin probably wanted to go see Hoseok. But Namjoon didn’t want to leave Yoongi alone.

Yoongi couldn’t take it anymore. He had already placed his burden and responsibility onto his friends’ shoulders. He should be ashamed of that.

Slowly, he stood up. He adjusted the clothes Namjoon had given him. Being wrapped in Namjoon’s scent didn’t feel right, but he had to endure it.

As he stepped into the kitchen, Namjoon fell silent the moment he saw him, and Jimin turned toward the door, confused, only to meet Yoongi’s eyes.

“Good morning, hyung,” Jimin said.

His tone softened compared to how he had been speaking to Namjoon, but his brows didn’t fully relax, they were still slightly furrowed.

“Are you feeling better, hyung?” Namjoon asked gently, trying to ease the tension in the room.

Yoongi gave a small nod. He still felt exhausted. His eyes stung from crying, and the weight in his chest hadn’t lifted at all. But none of that compared to the pain in his heart. He didn’t even bother putting it into words.

“I was going to do some grocery shopping for breakfast, hyung. Do you want anything?”

Jimin looked at him with forced curiosity. Yoongi could tell he was lying. Just like him, Jimin’s mind was with Hoseok. He wanted to go to him. Strangely, that made Yoongi feel a quiet sense of relief. He wasn’t ready to face Hoseok, not yet, but he wanted to know he was okay. He didn’t want him to be alone.

“You should go with Jimin,” he said to Namjoon.

Namjoon opened his mouth to refuse, but Yoongi spoke before he could.

“You can help him, Namjoon. It’s fine. I can stay alone.”

Yoongi played along with Jimin’s excuse. Talking about Hoseok again right now would drag him back into that endless pit. His mind would only replay how he had broken Hoseok’s heart, how helpless, how much of a failure he was as an alpha.

Maybe being alone for a while was better.

“Are you going to be okay?” Namjoon asked, unsure, his eyes scanning Yoongi carefully.

Yoongi nodded. As if Jimin and Namjoon weren’t even there, he grabbed a glass of water, returned to the living room, and sat down on the couch.

After taking a few sips, he leaned back slightly and listened to the sounds of them leaving. Then the door closed, and Yoongi was alone.

Did Hoseok feel like this too? When Yoongi left him behind,  when he ran away,  did he feel alone in that big house?

Yoongi wanted to punch himself. He wanted to go back in time and beat himself for not telling Hoseok every doubt he had when he had the chance, for trying to handle everything alone. He wished he could go back and never break Hoseok’s heart.

He picked up his phone again. He looked at Hoseok’s picture on the lock screen. It was from a picnic. Hoseok was wearing a loose blue striped shirt, a straw hat on his head, smiling at the camera, at Yoongi, as if he held the whole world in his hands.

A faint smile formed on Yoongi’s lips as he remembered that moment. Hoseok deserved to smile, he deserved the most beautiful things in the world.

But Yoongi didn’t deserve Hoseok.

The screen suddenly went dark, pulling him out of his thoughts. He was surprised to see an unknown number calling at this hour, but after a few seconds of hesitation, he answered.

At first, he couldn’t process what was being said. The voices blurred together, the words lost their meaning. The only things that became clear in his mind were “Hoseok” and “hospital”…

Hoseok was at the hospital…

His stomach twisted violently. His hand shook so much he thought he might drop the phone. His breath caught in his throat, it wouldn’t reach his lungs.

Nothing could happen to Hoseok…

He froze for a few seconds, the phone still at his ear. He tried to piece together what had been said, but his mind felt suspended in emptiness. Only when the call ended did reality crash into him.

He didn’t remember how he stood up. What he wore, how he opened the door, he didn’t know. His fingers dropped the keys more than once; they trembled as he tried to fit them into the lock.

The only thing he knew was that he threw himself out into the street and started running toward the hospital.

The cold morning air hit his face, but he barely felt it. His steps were uneven, speeding up one moment, stumbling the next. As if his body couldn’t carry him, but his mind refused to let him stop.

Minutes stretched like hours. Traffic lights, passing cars, the pavement beneath his feet… everything blurred into a hazy smear. It felt like if he stopped even for a second, Hoseok would be gone from him forever.

His alpha was crying out, screaming. His instincts roared at him, he needed to be beside his omega, he had to reach him.

At one point, his breath completely gave out and he was forced to stop. He bent forward, hands on his knees, trying to drag air into his lungs but even that felt like a waste of time.

Hoseok was alone…

That thought pushed him forward again.

When he reached the hospital, he rushed to the desk, breathless, asking for Hoseok’s room number. The nurses gave him strange looks, but he didn’t care. The only thing in his mind was that he had to get to Hoseok.

He quickly found the room the nurse had mentioned. His breathing still uneven, his hand reached for the doorknob but suddenly, he realized there was only a door between him and Hoseok.

The door suddenly felt like a thick wall, one that couldn’t be broken, couldn’t be brought down. He pulled his hand back as if he had touched fire.

Yoongi couldn’t do it…

He couldn’t face Hoseok… he couldn’t bear being the reason behind that hurt in his eyes, couldn’t stand hurting him even more… he couldn’t watch the love in Hoseok’s gaze fade away…

He took a deep breath. He felt himself getting lost in his thoughts. A tear slipped down his cheek. Yoongi felt ashamed of himself…

He rested his forehead against the door helplessly. Tears streamed down his face. For a moment, he forgot where he was. The sounds around him disappeared. There was only that door, impossible to overcome, and behind it, his mate Hoseok, waiting for him…

Then suddenly, Yoongi heard a voice.

“Yoongi… we need you.”

His heart began to pound rapidly. He couldn’t tell if he was dreaming or awake anymore. On that thin line, his soul felt like it was slipping away.

“I need you…”

Hoseok’s voice sounded fragile, filled with pain. Then a pup’s cry echoed, sharp and piercing in Yoongi’s ears.

Yoongi staggered back a few steps in fear. The door stood before him, just like in his nightmares but it was no longer as massive, as unbreakable as before.

It was just a plain, cream-colored door.

From behind it came the voices of his mate… and their pup.

His instincts surged instantly, he needed to reach Hoseok, to reach their pup.He wanted to protect them from everything.

He had to.

His hand trembled as he reached for the doorknob. The fear of not being able to open it, of not being able to reach Hoseok, was still there but it was almost swallowed by the instinct to find them, to protect them.

He took a deep breath, turned the handle, and opened the door.

The familiar scent of his mate filled his lungs. For the first time in a long while, his body relaxed with ease. His alpha rumbled with relief at finally sensing his omega.

Hoseok’s sleepy, half-open eyes found Yoongi.

The moment Yoongi felt those warm brown eyes he had missed resting on him, he didn’t know what to say, his tongue went still. For a few seconds, he had to steady his breathing. Then his lips parted.

“Seok-ah… Can I come over?”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yoongi quietly watched the white marble floor of the room. His hands were clasped together in his lap like a prisoner waiting for his sentence. He deliberately avoided looking at Hoseok, too afraid to meet those brown eyes his mate had fallen in love with.

Because he was guilty. His neglect… leaving Hoseok alone…

If Hoseok refused to accept him, if he said he didn’t want to see him, Yoongi had nothing to defend himself with.

So they had been sitting in silence for minutes, maybe hours. Every time Yoongi opened his mouth to explain himself, he closed it again without a single word falling from his lips.

Only the footsteps of nurses walking in the hallway, the muffled hum of cars from outside the window, and the rhythmic sound of the monitor in the room broke the sharp silence.

Yoongi swallowed hard. His gaze lingered on the torn, bleeding skin around his nails, picked raw from stress. His lips parted again with the courage to apologize, but this time Hoseok’s soft cough made him close them once more.

“You smell different, hyung.”

Hoseok’s tired, exhausted voice filled Yoongi’s ears, making his heart tremble. There was nothing left of the cheerful, energetic Hoseok he knew. His voice sounded strained, as if he had been crying and suffering for days.

“I… stayed at Namjoon’s last night,” he said quietly. His voice came out so faint that even he could barely hear it.

Just as the silence between them was about to return to its old sharp, painful state, Yoongi decided he couldn’t wait any longer. He couldn’t keep watching both himself and Hoseok suffer like this. Whatever would happen, would happen. Waiting like this only made the pain worse. And that pain wasn’t only affecting him, but Hoseok as well.

“I’m sorry.”

“Is there someone else?”

When they spoke at the same time, Yoongi froze in shock at what Hoseok asked. To make sure he hadn’t misheard, his hesitant gaze shot up to Hoseok. He watched a tear slide down Hoseok’s cheek. Then a sob escaped from those uniquely heart-shaped lips, filling the quiet hospital room.

“Is there someone else in your life… hyung?”

Yoongi struggled to process what he was hearing. What was Hoseok saying…? The love of his life, his precious mate… how could he think Yoongi loved someone else?

What had Yoongi done?

Had he become so distant that he couldn’t even show Hoseok his love anymore?

His heartbeat quickened with the pain of that thought. His body felt frozen. His lips wouldn’t move, as if sealed shut. The only thing he could do was watch the tears streaming down Hoseok’s cheeks.

How could someone fail this badly at loving another person? When loving Hoseok was the easiest thing in the world… he had still managed to ruin it.

“Hyung, please… I don’t want to hurt anymore,” Hoseok said, his voice trembling. He tried to wipe his tears with the hand connected to the IV, but no matter how much he wiped, new ones kept falling.

“Please… if you don’t love me anymore, just say it.”

“Never!”

Yoongi’s voice echoed loudly in the silent room. Even he hadn’t expected it. Hoseok froze for a moment and met Yoongi’s eyes.

“Oh my god, Hoseok… it’s impossible for me not to love you.”

When Yoongi felt the wetness on his cheek, he realized he was crying. Like Hoseok’s, his tears slipped silently down his face one by one. Each drop seemed to carry his regret and sorrow.

He took a deep breath and stood up from his seat, sitting at the edge of Hoseok’s bed. Up close, Hoseok looked even more exhausted. His usually well-styled hair was messy. Dark circles had formed under his eyes. His honey-like skin had turned pale from illness and sadness.

What had Yoongi done… to his Hoseok, to himself, to them…

His hands lifted to cup Hoseok’s cheeks, to wipe away his tears one by one, to tell him how much he loved him with every touch, but they hovered in the air for a few seconds. He felt so guilty that it was as if he didn’t have the right to touch his mate, to kiss him gently, to wipe his tears.

Instead, with trembling hands, he took Hoseok’s delicate hand into his own. His fingers were cold. His skin, unlike Yoongi’s, was soft… small… even that made Yoongi want to cry again. He should have protected Hoseok from everything, maybe even from himself.

“Hoseok-ah…” his voice was so soft, as if there was a fragile flower in front of him that could break with the slightest breeze. “Will you let me explain myself?” he asked fearfully. He didn’t know what he would do if he got a negative answer. He didn’t even want to think about it.

Hoseok nodded slightly. His eyes, wide with unease, examined Yoongi with worry. He wasn’t crying anymore, but the traces of his tears still glistened on his cheeks.

Yoongi swallowed. He gently squeezed Hoseok’s hand in his palm. As if drawing strength from him, he didn’t want to let go even for a second.

“You are the love of my life… the other half of my soul… my alpha’s omega, my friend, my mate,  my everything…”

Yoongi paused for a moment. His heart was racing. His body trembled with emotion. He lifted his gaze to Hoseok’s warm brown eyes.

“You are my home, my safe place and I destroyed that home with my own hands. I hurt you, left you alone, made you suffer…”

He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. With every word, he could see the reflection of that sadness in Hoseok’s eyes. He had done this. And now he had to fix it piece by piece, find every broken part and mend it.

“I love you so much, Seok-ah… so, so much… not being worthy of you. Even the thought of hurting you makes me want to throw myself off a cliff…”

“Hyung…”

“Please, let me…” Yoongi gently cut him off. If he couldn’t say everything inside him, he felt like he would poison himself with his own thoughts.

“I… I’m sorry for everything I put you through, for everything I made you feel. I know words won’t close the wounds I opened in you… but this is the only thing I can do right now.”

With his thumb, he began to softly stroke Hoseok’s hand. The only reason he could speak, the only reason he could find courage, was Hoseok. No matter how much he had hurt his mate, he still needed him even just to apologize. It made him feel a little hypocritical… but he forced that thought aside.

“I… for neglecting you… for not giving you enough time… for pushing you to think this way… that day…” Yoongi averted his eyes from Hoseok. He looked at the hands in his palm; at the sharp contrast their skin created against his own, at the neatly manicured nails so unlike his… at those delicate fingers that held his entire world.

“…I’m sorry for getting scared and running away that day.”

His voice came out so quiet, as if he was afraid it might hurt that fragile thing between them. He allowed a few seconds of silence to wrap around them. He waited for Hoseok to process what he had said and gave himself time to find the right words.

“I… I was scared…” his voice trembled. “Of not being a good father, of not being a good mate, of not being able to protect you and our pup…” A tear silently slipped down his cheek.

“I just… I can’t even reach you in my dreams… I’m standing right at the door, I hear your voice… our pup is crying… you’re shouting that you need me but I can’t find you. I can’t protect you…”

Yoongi’s breath hitched. Sobs spilled out one after another, his tears increasing.

“Hyung…”

“I’m just scared…” he said, nearly breaking. “Of not being a good father, of not being able to protect you, of not being able to reach you… I’m always stuck in front of that damn door.”

Yoongi cried as if he had lost himself. He didn’t even know what he was saying anymore. Everything he had been holding in poured out. His breath couldn’t keep up with his words, his sentences tangled with sobs. He didn’t know anymore what he was thinking or what he was saying, they were all mixed together. There was nothing left hidden.

“Hyung… you’re here.”

Suddenly, he felt Hoseok’s delicate fingers against his cheek. With a shy hesitation, his gaze slowly met Hoseok’s eyes. Beneath lashes wet with tears, those warm brown eyes shone like fresh sunlight hitting rain-soaked grass. His gaze was so soft… so gentle… those warm eyes he loved so much had returned.

“Shh… it’s okay, Yoongi,” he said in a soft voice. He gently wiped Yoongi’s tears away. Holding his cheeks with both hands, he made him look at him. In that moment, Yoongi breathed in that familiar honeysuckle scent, sweet like honey and felt the tension in his nerves slowly melt, like ice dissolving.

“You’re here… you’re with us. It’s okay. You came, you crossed that door.”

As if enchanted by Hoseok’s presence and words, Yoongi looked at him. He saw that familiar, sweet smile on his face. “…I crossed that door…” he whispered, as if reminding himself.

“Yes, you’re with us now, Yoongi. It’s okay. We’re safe.”

“You’re safe… I’m with you now.”

As Yoongi repeated those words, he felt the weight in his chest slowly begin to melt. His muscles relaxed. His alpha calmed down. The chaos inside him slowly gave way to something more familiar, something safer.

“I’m with you now… I was able to reach you…”

With that realization, he suddenly came back to himself. His vision cleared. He watched that warm smile in front of him. He saw the familiar beauty mark above those pink, heart-shaped lips he could never get enough of kissing. He felt the slender fingers brushing his cheek. Hoseok’s honeysuckle scent filled his lungs. His body relaxed.

This was it…

Hoseok’s presence… talking to him… the peace he gave him…

For Yoongi, stepping out of the darkness was this easy with Hoseok.

He took a deep breath, filling his lungs with Hoseok’s scent. A tired but sincere smile, just like Hoseok’s, formed on his face. His arms found Hoseok’s waist, pulling him into a tight embrace. He buried his nose in his neck.

“Thank you, Seok-ah… truly… for saving me from getting lost.”

His voice was muffled, but the way Hoseok gently stroked his back and pressed soft kisses into his hair showed that he understood everything.

Yoongi pulled back slightly. They both looked equally wrecked. They were smiling, but their cheeks were wet. Their noses were red from crying.

That state made them both let out a soft, breathy laugh.

The sharp, painful atmosphere from just an hour ago had been replaced by something soft and warm. The scent of Yoongi’s cedar and earth mixed with Hoseok’s honeysuckle, wrapping around them like a delicate veil.

“Hyung…” Hoseok said quietly, as if he didn’t want to disturb this peace. “You won’t hide your feelings and thoughts from me again, right?”

“Never again,” Yoongi said firmly. He had learned from the biggest mistake of his life. There was no way he could ever forget the pain and anguish he had gone through. He was determined to do everything he could to never repeat it.

“Then…” Hoseok’s voice was soft. He looked away, his gaze falling to the fingers playing with the edge of the bedsheet. “…are you still scared… of becoming a dad?”

Yoongi took a deep breath. He gently tucked the strands of hair falling over Hoseok’s face behind his ear. He caressed his cheek. For a moment, he got lost in those warm brown eyes. Then the words spilled out on their own, effortless, unfiltered. As if he had broken free from the chains that held him back, speaking freely and believing in himself more than ever before.

“I am scared…” he admitted honestly. “…but this time, instead of being left alone on the other side of the door. I’m choosing to stay by your side.”

He leaned a little closer. He placed a butterfly-light kiss on Hoseok’s lips, still flushed from crying.

“This time… I’m choosing you… not my fear.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hoseok leaned lightly against Yoongi’s shoulder as Yoongi turned the key and opened the door of their home. The exhaustion in his body and the nausea in his stomach had eased a little thanks to the IV he received, but the weight of being in the hospital and having an emotional conversation with Yoongi didn’t seem like it would fade so quickly.

Yoongi opened the door and stepped slightly aside, letting Hoseok enter first. Hoseok felt the bittersweet joy of returning to the house he had left in tears, this time with Yoongi by his side. His omega was grateful to hear his alpha’s scent again and to feel him close. Right now, what he needed most was his alpha.

When Yoongi had left him, the only thing he had been able to do was cry. He had thought Yoongi didn’t love him anymore and that he didn’t want their pup because of it. With those thoughts, he had fallen asleep with tears on his cheeks.

When he woke up in the morning, realizing that it hadn’t been a nightmare had hurt so much that Hoseok felt as if his entire soul had been pulled out of his body. Being alone in the house, staying in a place filled with his alpha’s scent, yet belonging to an alpha who didn’t want him, he couldn’t bear it.

He had rushed out of the house, but his omega felt terrible, aching with a deep pain just like his own. His head was spinning more than ever, and he could barely even take a step.

By chance, one of the neighbors he occasionally spoke with had noticed him while returning from a morning run and said she wouldn’t leave him like that, taking him to the hospital. Hoseok hadn’t been in a state to object. His head was spinning, and he could barely stand. The fear that something might happen to his pup outweighed everything else.

Hoseok didn’t know how he got to the hospital; when he opened his eyes, he was lying in a room with an IV connected to him. The dizziness had passed, but there was a faint ache behind his eyes and a slight numbness in his legs.

When the doctor came to visit, he had listened in fear to what was being said. He had thought he was about to lose the pup, but he learned that it was simply because his blood levels were very low and that such things were quite common in the early stages of pregnancy.

But even the brief thought of losing his pup had been enough to make his vision go dark. Even in just a few days, he had already formed a bond with the life inside his womb.

“Seok-ah.”

Hoseok snapped out of his thoughts at Yoongi’s voice. He hadn’t even realized he had been standing at the bedroom door. The bed was still messy, just as Yoongi had left it, as if it carried the traces of their argument.

A shiver ran down Hoseok’s spine. He suddenly felt cold. The absence of his alpha’s scent in their room, combined with the antiseptic smell he carried from the hospital, made him feel uneasy.

Noticing this, Yoongi stepped closer. He gently brushed Hoseok’s cheek, guiding him to look at him.

When Hoseok met his alpha’s unique eyes, when he saw that familiar sparkle, the one he had fallen in love with, the one he had missed, he felt himself steady a little. Yoongi was here. He was home. They were in their nest… everything was okay.

“I want to take a bath…” Hoseok said quietly. He wanted to get rid of that lifeless scent on him. He wanted to smell his alpha again, to feel safe.

Yoongi nodded slightly and led him to the bathroom in the bedroom. He quickly turned on the water and began filling the tub. Hoseok simply watched Yoongi’s quiet yet steady movements as he tidied up the bathroom and moved back and forth between rooms. He didn’t even have the strength to lift his arm or say anything.

Once the tub was filled, Yoongi opened the cabinet where the shower gels and shampoos were. But as if he couldn’t decide, he turned slightly toward Hoseok.

“Which scent do you want, Seok-ah? For the bubble bath,” he asked carefully. At that moment, he looked like he could do anything Hoseok wanted, as if he could lay the whole world at his feet. That alone made Hoseok’s omega hum softly with pride and satisfaction.

Hoseok closed the distance between them and shyly took Yoongi’s hand.

“I just want your scent. Will you come into the bath with me, please?”

At Hoseok’s words, Yoongi smiled. He pressed a soft kiss to Hoseok’s pale pink lips, then pulled back slightly and whispered against them:

“Whatever you want, I’m ready to do it.”

As Yoongi stepped away to get a towel, Hoseok’s heart beat faster than ever. His omega hadn’t felt this happy in a long time. His alpha was finally giving him attention, even that alone made him feel like he could float.

Hoseok slowly undressed. With each piece of clothing that fell away, the cold air against his skin made him shiver.

When he was finally bare, his eyes drifted to his faintly visible belly. His hands moved to that place he had memorized over the past few days. He tried to convince himself that his pup was okay. His fingers gently stroked his skin, as if trying to reassure his pup that everything was safe.

He knew he would do anything for his pup. But for that, he had to take care of his own health first. He had to do it so his pup could grow safely inside him.

When Yoongi returned to the bathroom, his eyes first lingered on Hoseok’s hands resting over his belly, but he didn’t say anything. Then, with a soft smile forming on his face, he lifted his gaze to Hoseok’s.

“Come on, let’s not let you get any colder.”

Before Hoseok could even blink, Yoongi had undressed. He gently took Hoseok’s hand and guided him toward the warm tub, filled with soft foam.

Hoseok stepped into the bathtub with slow, careful steps. The water that overflowed from the tub spilled onto the towels Yoongi had laid on the floor. Hoseok hadn't even noticed when Yoongi had prepared all of this.

When his entire body sank into the water, Yoongi immediately moved behind him. Hoseok leaned his back against Yoongi's bare, broad chest. He took a deep breath.

The water slowly warmed and relaxed every one of his tense muscles. Hoseok felt as if the dirty hospital smell that had clung to him was gradually leaving his body. He let himself sink completely into Yoongi's wide chest. His eyes fluttered shut with the comfort spreading through his body, and a sweet hum escaped his lips.

He had missed this.

Being with his alpha… feeling him on his skin…

He had truly missed Yoongi.

As if Yoongi had heard Hoseok's thoughts, he wrapped his arms around Hoseok, pulled him tightly against himself, and leaned down to press a long, deep kiss on the scent gland just below his ear.

The fresh scent of Hoseok's honeysuckle and Yoongi's cedarwood began to fill the air. His omega purred happily and peacefully. Hoseok was very pleased with this. He loved how Yoongi's scent and his own scent mixed together, surrounding them in a unique way.

"Scent me, please," Hoseok murmured. He closed his eyes just to feel Yoongi's lips and skin. He tilted his head back further against Yoongi's shoulder, allowing Yoongi's lips easy access to his neck.

Yoongi's lips began by placing soft butterfly kisses on Hoseok's scent gland. The gentle kisses gradually became more confident over time. When Hoseok felt Yoongi's tongue rub against his neck, a small whimper escaped his lips.

Yoongi took this as a sign. His hands began to slowly caress Hoseok's body. His thick fingers wandered over Hoseok's chest, gently brushing his nipples. Hoseok couldn't help his back arching like a bow and his toes curling with each touch.

Meanwhile, Yoongi's lips didn't stop; slowly, he sucked and kissed his way down Hoseok's honey-like skin. The fact that only their sweet scents existed in the bathroom made Hoseok feel good. He felt no different than ice cream melting under the sun.

The nausea in his stomach had been gone for a while. He felt healthy and safe.

Hoseok whimpered softly when Yoongi sucked on the area where his mating bite was and he felt Yoongi's teeth there. The noise that escaped his lips made him feel embarrassed for a moment. Suddenly, he felt as inexperienced and excited as he had on their first night together.

"Yoongi… I missed you…" he said softly, turning slightly toward Yoongi. He wanted those shameless lips that were roaming his neck to be on his own lips. His omega had gone crazy. His shameless thoughts were now affecting not just his heart but his body as well. The tingling between his thighs and the rush of blood were forcing Hoseok to act wantonly.

"I missed you too, Seok-ah… my mate…" Yoongi whispered against Hoseok's lips. Then he pulled Hoseok toward him.

Hoseok began kissing Yoongi with a longing as if he had been thirsty for days. The fire spreading from his lips enveloped his body. A slight wave of excitement stirred in his stomach, a sweet shiver ran down his spine.

But the question on his mind was pushing at his lips to come out.

"Can we be like we were before?" Hoseok whispered. He had turned completely toward Yoongi, sitting on his thighs. He rested his forehead against Yoongi's. He wrapped his arms around his mate's neck. He clung to him with fear, as if Yoongi would leave if he let go. 

When Hoseok didn't hear a response for a moment, he was afraid to open his eyes and face Yoongi. But then Yoongi's soft voice filled his ears.

"We can't be like we were before, Seok-ah…" Yoongi said gently, stroking Hoseok's back. His hand traveled down his spine, caressed his waist, and stopped very lightly on his barely noticeable belly, on their pup. "Now we're three people."

Hoseok quickly opened his eyes and looked at how Yoongi's large, pale white hand was wrapped protectively around his belly. He couldn't see clearly under the water, but Hoseok could feel it. A hand surrounding his pup, protecting it, and being there for it… the hand of his pup's dad…

A smile formed on Hoseok's face, and he looked into Yoongi's eyes. There were still traces of fear there, but now there was a man who had the courage to overcome his fears, to stand by Hoseok's side, and to prepare himself to become a father. His omega purred with happiness; his alpha was by his and his pup's side.

Hoseok pressed his lips to Yoongi's. This time, it was harder and more longing. His omega felt hungry for his alpha. He wanted to make up for all the days he had been away from Yoongi, to strengthen this fragile bond they had newly formed between them.

But this time, there was not only desire within him. There was still that unerased fragility in the middle of his chest, a thin fear questioning whether Yoongi was really here. It probably wouldn't disappear immediately, but over time it would fade and leave its place to eternal trust.

Hoseok's fingers clung a little tighter to Yoongi's shoulders. As if he would disappear if he let go.

"You're not going to leave… are you?" he whispered, his lips still close enough to touch Yoongi's.

Yoongi's breath paused for a moment. "I'm not going anywhere," he said in a low but determined voice. "Not anymore."

That sentence touched something inside Hoseok. As if the tense knot that had been stuck inside him for days loosened a little. And this time, Hoseok truly kissed him.

He began kissing Yoongi with a longing as if he had been thirsty for days. He took Yoongi's soft lips between his teeth, bit and sucked them. The dirty and equally sensual sound of their kisses echoed among the bathroom tiles.

Hoseok moaned when Yoongi gently bit his lips, as if seeking revenge. As if to soothe his pain, Yoongi licked his lips and slipped his warm tongue into Hoseok's mouth. He licked his lips like someone afraid of losing him, moving gently as if letting go of this moment would make everything fall apart again.

But his hands weren't showing the same gentleness. He was stroking Hoseok's thighs, slowly pulling him closer. There was no rush in his movements, there was care. As if holding something that might break.

Hoseok moaned when Yoongi suddenly pulled him close and their groins met. He had to part their lips and looked at Yoongi with eyes nearly darkened with lust.

Yoongi was no different from him. He licked his lips as if the taste still lingered on them. His eyes didn't leave Hoseok's lips. In his gaze, there was not only desire but also clear admiration and longing.

Hoseok's omega purred with pride.

As if he could get any closer, Hoseok moved forward a little in the tub to close the nearly non-existent gap between him and Yoongi. Some water splashed onto the floor, but he didn't care.

The moment Yoongi's hardness rubbed against Hoseok's groin, Yoongi tilted his head back slightly and whimpered. That sound ignited something inside Hoseok even more, but at the same time, it left a warmth deep in his heart. Yoongi was here. He was with him. He was real.

Hoseok thought he couldn't hold on any longer. The desire to feel his alpha, to experience the pleasure he gave once again, outweighed everything else. His groin felt like it was on fire. The place inside him that Yoongi loved to touch with his fingertips and fuck hard was clenching with desire, waiting for Yoongi.

His omega wanted to strengthen this new bond they had formed with a primal instinct. Hoseok had no objection, he needed Yoongi and his alpha more than ever.

He took Yoongi's cheeks in his hands. His fingers were still trembling slightly, but this time he didn't pull back. He pulled him toward himself firmly and pressed a deep kiss to his lips.

“Please, carry me to bed, Alpha…”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hoseok woke with a sudden start, as if falling from somewhere. When he realized he was in the bedroom from the familiar, reassuring scents surrounding him, the first thing he did was check for his pup, but no matter how much he felt around beside him, he couldn't find his pup.

Instead of letting fear and panic consume him immediately, he took a deep breath. He tried to shake off his sleep and think more clearly.

He knew that caring for a newborn pup could be difficult, but no one had told him he would have to struggle this much with sleeplessness. Now, every spare moment he found was spent catching up on naps. It was long past midnight, but Hoseok hadn't expected to fall asleep while breastfeeding his pup.

Since the darkness of night filled the room, he slowly sat up in bed. He lightly tugged at the collar of his shirt, which he had opened for breastfeeding. He didn't bother closing it because he knew his pup would want milk again in half an hour.

Calmly, but with the drowsiness that sleeplessness had created in him, he reached for the night lamp on the nightstand and let the dim yellow light fill the room.

In the illuminated room, the first thing he did was look for his pup, and he found their pup curled up on his dad's chest.

Their pup had drawn up her legs just like in the womb and was lying in a fetal position on Yoongi's chest. Yoongi's arm was wrapped around their pup in a protective and possessive way. Their pup was so tiny that even just Yoongi's palm was enough to cover its entire back.

Hoseok's eyes filled with happiness and gratitude at the sight. His omega felt so satisfied, so happy, and so safe that Hoseok could feel the vibration of the purr rising from his chest.

He pulled his gaze away from their pup's peacefully sleeping body and turned to Yoongi's face. Yoongi looked just as peaceful as their pup. As if he didn't want to lose their pup's scent for even a second, he had buried his nose in the pup's soft, silky black hair and fallen asleep like that. The corners of his lips were curled as if carrying crumbs of a smile and happiness.

But this peace was broken a few seconds later. As if bothered by the light, Yoongi blinked his eyes. When he opened them, his gaze found Hoseok.

"Why are you awake, Seok-ah?" he murmured. His voice was a quiet whisper so as not to wake the pup. His voice, still not free from sleep, was rough and husky.

"I just wanted to check on our pup," Hoseok said, still mesmerized by the scene before him. He, too, made sure to keep his voice low.

"There's no problem, babe. You fell asleep while nursing, so I burped him. Our pup has been sleeping for a while now," Yoongi said, smiling sweetly as if trying to convince Hoseok that everything was alright. His hand had begun gently stroking the pup's back. Hoseok wondered if he was doing this consciously or if it was just an instinctive reflex.

"Now turn off the light and let's go back to sleep."

Hoseok nodded slightly. He knew they needed to make good use of this time because their pup could have a milk crisis any moment. He turned off the night lamp and moved closer to his mate. He buried his nose in Yoongi's neck, inhaling his alpha's reassuring, familiar, and beloved scent of cedarwood.

Their pup's milky scent mixed with both his own and his alpha's scent. Hoseok thought he could fall in love with a scent, too.

His family's scent...

His omega grew drowsy with the warm, sweet, and reassuring scents. Hoseok's eyelids closed. He wrapped his arm around Yoongi's waist. He felt Yoongi's lips in his hair. Then those same lips placed a kiss on their pup's hair as well.

Everything being alright made Hoseok happy.

Neither Yoongi nor Hoseok still knew how to be parents. But that wasn't a problem. They had both learned to leave it to time now. The only thing they did was wait for their pup to teach them. And this taught them to be patient.

Because love and devotion require patience. With patience, they were rebuilding themselves with patience, they were weaving the bond between them and their pup, stitch by stitch, with love.

And perhaps that was what made the bond between them unshakable, strong, and mesmerizing.

 

 

 

Notes:

Ehh, well… another fic has come to an end.

This ended up being the first omegaverse fic I’ve ever shared. I love reading omegaverse but writing it is definitely a lot more complicated 🫠

At first, I only wanted to write about Hoseok getting pregnant unexpectedly and Yoongi finding out completely by accident.. When I started writing, I honestly had no idea where the rest of the plot would go ahjaha but thanks to Yoongi and Hoseok, the story kind of flowed on its own 😌😌

To the point that my favorite scene became Yoongi hesitating in front of the hospital door , thinking, just like in his dream, that he wouldn’t be able to walk through it.. and then crossing that doorway purely because of his instinct to protect his mate and his pup. That scene developed so naturally and unexpectedly and it became my favorite 😭😭

I also really loved writing Hoseok slowly bonding with the pup… always trying to feel his pup with his hand and getting attached little by little…

Anyway..

I hope you enjoy it. Every comment you leave will probably become motivation for the omegaverse wip I’m currently writing, because I’ve been a little stuck with that one ehehhe 🥲

Please take care of yourselves. And if you’ve read all the way to here, thank you so much 💝 🥹

I hope we’ll meet again in other fics 😽