Chapter Text
**THIS IS AN ONGOING PLAYLIST**
(mostly rock/metal songs because they do toxic and angst so well
MARTYR by Ekoh & Dayseeker (inspired this whole fic btw) (Bucky)
"Never been more distant than when close to you."
"I hate you, but I still want to hold you."
"Why don't you take these parts and make me into something?"
"A broken soul that you can learn to hate."
"When you cross my mind, it still feels like I'm drowning."
"And you told me I could never change."
"I'm your martyr either way."
Hurt Myself by Ekoh & Nate Vickers (Alisa)
"'Cause everybody'd rather judge than help."
"I can't make you pray for me now."
"Don't need your sympathy, I just want the love that I deserve."
"When all I do is hurt myself."
Pretty When You Break by Ekoh & Catch Your Breath (Bucky)
"You said 'you're pretty when you break', you wanna see me beg."
"You like to when I'm angry, I'm pushing you away."
"I don't know how much longer I can take."
"I seen the fangs, but she different in the light of day."
"Pick me up just to see me fall from grace."
"I hate the way I still come back for more."
[Gen]inside by Catch Your Breath & Kami Kehoe (Both)
"You will never understand, all the blood that's on your hands, all the bodies that you hold."
"You're the one holding the gun, look what you've done."
"A broken world, but not broken enough."
"So what do you do this for? You break everything you touch."
"Blood all on the floor, but you're holding the gun."
Forever by From Ashes to New (Alisa)
"You say 'this is forever', what about another life?"
"You say 'this is forever', I can't let it die."
"I'm sorry for your suffering, and how I pulled your strings."
"Forever you'll haunt me."
"Thought I could change, but I couldn't if I tried."
"I wish there was a way that I could get you out my mind."
HEARTLESS by Kami Kehoe (Alisa)
"You can take my heart, but I only got one."
"So when you're gone, I'll be left with none."
OTHERSIDE by Nevertel (Bucky)
"You cut so deep, the wounds won't mend."
"I keep trying to drown it out, but your voice gets louder."
"You're the shadow in the armor, the nightmare in the dream."
"You played your part, and I'm the martyr, who's gonna save you when you see?"
PSYCHO by Kami Kehoe
"You say you love me, but you love me like a psycho."
"You say you hate me, but you go wherever I go."
ANYTHING > HUMAN by Bad Omens & ERRA (Alisa)
"This life was all it had to be, designed but not for you and me."
"I never needed you to be anything more than human."
Parasite by From Ashes to New (Bucky)
"Lay me down to sleep, til I'm drowning in the deep of your paradise."
"Drain the life from me, til I'm begging on my knees, you're a parasite."
(Not) Psycho by From Ashes to New
"I swear I'm okay, I killed the monsters in my head."
"And there is no way they're ever coming back again."
"But I keep the voices around me, so I feel like I'm not alone."
"They feel like home, they know I'm not a psycho."
God Is A Weapon by FIR & Marilyn Manson (Bucky)
"If God is a woman, then God is a weapon."
Voices In My Head by FIR (Alisa)
"The voices in my head keep on telling me I'm gonna die."
"And I don't wanna talk about the drama, I'm traumatized."
"They're telling me I'm fine, but we both know that's a fucking lie."
"I'm losing my mind, but I don't wanna talk about it."
Just Pretend by Bad Omens (Alisa)
"I'm not afraid, of the war you've come to wage against my sins."
"I'm not okay, but I can try my best to just pretend."
TDOPOM by Bad Omens (Bucky)
"You come and go in waves, leaving me in your wake."
"You come and go in waves, swallowing everything."
Mirror by Justin Timberlake (Bucky)
"It's like you're my mirror, my mirror staring back at me."
Love The Way You Lie by Eminem & Rihanna (Both)
"You push, pull each other's hair, scratch, claw, bit 'em."
"Throw 'ew down, pin 'em, so lost in the moments when you're in 'em."
"It's the rage that took over, it controls you both."
Familiar Taste of Poison by Halestorm (Bucky)
"The promises were spoiled before they left your lips, and-"
"I breathe you in again just to feel you-"
Underneath my skin, holding on to."
I Hate Everything About You by Three Days Grace (Bucky)
"I hate everything about you, why do I love you?"
Dynasty by MIIA (Alisa)
"The scar, I can't reverse."
"And the more it heals, the worse it hurts."
"It all fell, it all fell down, it all fell down."
Bad Romance by Lady Gaga
"I want your love and I want your revenge."
Misery by Maroon 5 (Alisa)
"Sometimes these cuts are so much deeper than they seem."
"You'd rather cover up, I'd rather let them bleed."
Teeth by 5SOS
"Something in the way you're looking through my eyes, don't know if I'm gonna make it out alive."
"Fight so dirty, but you love so sweet."
"Talk so pretty, but your heart got teeth."
Animals by Maroon 5
"It's like we can't stop, we're enemies, but we get along when I'm inside you."
"You're like a drug that's killin' me, I cut you out entirely, but I get so high when I'm inside you."
Consume by Chase Atlantic & GOON DES GARCONS*
"And I know there's a blade where your heart is, and you know how it use it."
Right Here by Chase Atlantic
"It's happening again, well, I don't give a fuck about your friends, I'm right here."
Criminal by Nevertel
"Feel the rush in my veins, can't stop it."
"Chemicals in my brain, so toxic."
"It started in my heart now it's getting to my head, all of my composure hanging by a thread."
Love is War by Memphis May Fire
"Lie to me, I can't take another tragedy."
Bloodlust by Dayseeker
"The mark of the beast is a burden, you wear it when no one's around."
"The midnight is making you nervous, while the venom falls out of your mouth."
DOPAMINE by Kami Kehoe
"You're so far away, but you'll find a way to still get under my skin."
DIE 4 U by Kami Kehoe
"You make me lose my mind, you're always on my mind."
Irresistible by FOB
Pray For Me by The Weeknd & Kendrick Lamar
Dangerous by Sleep Token