Chapter Text
– if i could begin to be
half of what you think of me
i could do about anything
i could even learn how to love –
When she’s little, she notes how the trees talk.
Usually they give off warnings, their roots shuddering beneath the soil. Sometimes the trees chat about who’s approaching, the rhythm of their footsteps, the heat in their palms. Firebenders. She’s not keen on those, and neither are the trees; she can sense their fear as if they were truly screaming out for help.
Three years old, the little girl doesn’t know much, but she’s certain the trees are trying to tell her something.
Father mocks her: ‘Toph, you are a confused thing. Trees don’t talk; they don’t have a voice.’
Oh. Right.
Except that they do, and eventually the ground starts talking too, and the flowers, even the sky. Until the world is loud with noise, and she can’t quite pinpoint which sound to focus on. She informs Mother about this predicament, expecting at least a little understanding, but Mother sighs sadly as if it is all her fault.
‘You’re not making any sense, darling. Perhaps you have a fever coming on?’ She touches the child’s forehead, only to find she’s of normal temperature. ‘I must make sure the nanny doesn’t let you out of the house too often. It makes you delusional.’ Mother goes on as if her child isn’t actually there, and she may as well not be.
After all, she’s blind, and what can a blind person know?
‘I have decided to move out. Tomorrow. Don’t worry: I have what I want packed.’
Father nearly chokes on his meal. ‘Can’t we, at least, talk about this?’
‘Nope! It’s done.’
As are most earthbenders, Toph is irritatingly stubborn, to the point of fault.
‘You’re only fourteen. How about you think this through properly? You’re still only a little girl, and I would never forgive myself if you got hurt.’
‘I am fine on my own. Don’t tell Mother until I’m gone: I don’t want to try and convince her too.’
‘You’re a child. And you’re blind! How are you going to manage?’
Toph loses her appetite, and abandons her place at the table. I don’t know. I don’t care. But I always do manage. She ignores Father’s protests, ignores the threat that he’ll bolt the doors tonight, and ensure none of the guards allow her to leave.
It doesn't really bother her, because she can tell he’s lying.
Two years go by, and although the Gaang scattered themselves after the war, they have always tried to maintain communication.
Sokka is frequently absent at sea, but he enjoys writing letters, and Katara always receive them warmly. The Avatar, himself, enjoys to teach as well as keep a watchful eye on the world. So far, all seems well.
Over time, the school Katara and Aang built––tutoring young waterbenders and any other bender which takes an interest––has doubled in size.
At first, there was strong appeal to the idea of being taught by Aang, but Katara’s enthusiasm sent in a wave of pupils, of all kind of nationalities.
Not to mention her teaching skills are much more credible than Aang’s. For one, the Avatar doesn’t know much on disciplining young children.
The school they build together is situated in the Earth Kingdom, a small island further North where the snow falls during Winter, coating the ground in white. It reminds Katara of home, and has allowed her to adapt easier to the rapid change in climate throughout the seasons.
Katara treasures all the letters she’s given, and it’s clear to her a certain friend hasn’t responded to her messages in a while. Aang is either more patient, or just less concerned, because he shrugs off Toph’s silence as typical behaviour. Katara thinks that fair, but she’s not entirely keen on the fact she’s being ignored.
‘Can’t she, at least, acknowledge our letters?’
‘I wouldn’t push it,’ Aang scratches the back of his head, ‘You know how she gets.’
‘Right.’ Katara couldn’t be any less concerned about Toph’s temper. She’s endured it on plenty of occasions.
It has been two years though. Even for Toph, that’s far too long.
So Katara tries again, scribbling a quick message, before starting her first class for today.
More month pass and, eventually, there’s a knock at the door. It’s too rude and insistent to be anybody else.
‘Do you know how fucking freezing it is here? I can’t feel my feet.’
‘You’re alive!’
‘What?’ Toph is slightly taken aback by the relief in Katara’s tone, but quickly recovers: ‘You gonna let me in?!’
‘Oh. Yes. Sorry.’
Toph doesn’t even wait for Katara to move aside. She barges past her, teeth chattering, fingers blue from the cold, and looking furious. Katara closes the door, and offers to take Toph’s coat, but Toph has already thrown it aside carelessly. ‘You’d think the locals would be able to figure out which way to go.’
Picking up Toph’s coat, Katara blinks at her in puzzlement. ‘Wait, you didn’t come here alone, did you?’
‘Yeah. How else was I supposed to travel? And what’s that supposed to mean? No better way to travel than solo.’
Katara pulls a face. ‘Well, it’s nice to see you.’
The south pole is ridiculously cold this time of year, but as an inhabitant of the Earth Kingdom, Toph’s tolerance of the chill is minimal. Katara is impressed she managed to find her hut. The snow must be difficult to cooperate with, not to mention the ground at her feet isn’t steady. Toph would have been at a serious disadvantage.
Katara folds Toph’s coat neatly onto the chair, and informs she’s going to prepare some tea.
‘Hot, please.’
‘I know how you like it.’
Toph hears Katara walk by her, footsteps delicate on the wooden floorboard. Fortunately, Katara’s home is easy to get around, and she follows her into the next room. A window is open somewhere and it’s bringing in an unpleasant amount of cold air.
A soft material brushes past her hand. Somebody has left their jacket behind, now strewn across the table. Toph recognises the scent immediately; the texture of the clothing. ‘When did Twinkle Toes visit you last?’
‘He was just here actually! In fact, he was asking about––’
Toph loses interest. ‘I’m staying here for a month or so. I don’t mind taking the floor.’
‘Y––Uh, oh. Okay. Why are you––?’
‘Few things I need to work on, and this is the only place I won’t be disturbed.’
Katara places the mug of tea down. Toph can smell the aroma from here, and she turns her head slightly at Katara’s approach. She hears a sigh, and can’t help but be reminded of Mother. Either Katara is tired, or Toph has said something out of order.
Probably both.
‘What now?’ Toph asks.
‘Two years.’
‘What about it?’
‘Two years, Toph. Is it truly that hard to send me a letter? Tell me you’re alive, at least?’
‘Hard to write a letter when you can’t see what you’re actually writing––’
‘You could ask somebody to write for you. You’ve done it before.’
Katara has her there. Toph refuses to apologise, though. What can she say? She’s been busy, and why does everybody expect her to be in constant communication with them? Sometimes Katara is more overbearing than her own parents.
There’s a short pause.
‘Is the tea done yet?’
Katara lets out another sigh, but this time it’s irritated. It’s just done with Toph’s cavalier nonsense.
What Toph expects is a rant, a lecture on not caring for her friends, or not realising how important she is to the group, but to her surprise, Katara doesn’t even try. And as relieving as she thought it might be, Toph can’t help feel guilty at how she’s made Katara feel. Whenever Katara is unhappy––as rare as it is––her mood just dominates the room.
The mug of tea is scalding to touch, just as Toph likes it. After passing the drink, Katara moves away, and her scent is sweet. Soothing.
It is the kind of sensation which sends Toph into a daze.
She listens out for Katara’s fading footsteps, the sound of things being pushed around, before she returns. ‘I can’t let you sleep on the floor, Toph. Have my bed. I’ll be out here, instead. You’ve been here a couple of times. Do you remember where everything is?’
‘Yep. Thanks.’ Toph kicks off her shoes. ‘I’m pretty tired, so I’ll see you in the morning.’
‘Oh! Here’s a blanket. In case you get cold.’
Toph accepts silently. These past two years have exhausted her, but she’s not willing to express that to anybody, not even Katara. As soon as she shuts the bedroom door, Toph collapses onto the bed, the sheets filled with Katara’s scent. She grabs a fistful, and presses it close to her face, before falling asleep.
People are yelling outside. People are bending water outside, and they don’t sound as if they’re doing it correctly. Toph raises her head, hair in disarray, and finally hears Katara’s voice, louder and more authoritative than the others. She manages to silence the group, and proceeds to teach and remark on what was done right and what was done wrong.
Toph slips off the bed, and proceeds for the window. She feels the glass beneath her fingertips, and opens it wide. She can hear the commotion much clearer now, and it occurs to her that Katara has a class of eager students.
They’re absolutely quiet while Katara shows them the appropriate stance, and how they’re too tense. That the water must be an extension of themselves, loose and free. She hears the rush of water, dancing around Katara, before a splash as she shoots it towards an invisible target. After that, she tells her students to attempt the very same.
One student in particular is misbehaving, refusing to obey his teacher’s advice. In his silly attempts to make his friends laugh, he’s actually causing slight chaos. Katara gives him one last chance, and warns if he tries to do anything stupid again, she’ll have to exclude him from this session. The boy stops his comedic performance, but Toph hears him mock her.
Closing the window, Toph rounds the corner of the bed, and leaves the room.
It doesn’t take a lot for her last favourite student to act up. And whenever he does, the other students fall into his stupidity too. They lose interest in their waterbending, and focus on him instead. The dumb tricks he can manipulate with the water, how he accidentally splashes water in a student’s face.
And it’s oh so funny.
Kids. While Katara has a soft spot for them, some children can be unbearable.
‘Again? Really?’ She asks when he waves his right hand a certain motion, allowing the water to trip over one of the students. A few children cackle at the result. ‘I gave you a final warning. You can sit out from here on.’
‘Make me!’ He grins. ‘You can’t force me to do anything.’
You want to bet on that? Katara maintains her composure. ‘True. I can’t. That doesn’t mean I can’t have a word with your mother, though.’ This seems to do the trick. The child stutters on his words, and goes quiet. Katara is relieved, and proceeds with the lesson. She asks the students to perform the same motion as before.
Suddenly a burst of water is sprayed in her face.
The majority of students laugh, and it’s more than obvious who caused this offence. Katara jars her teeth in anger. That’s it!
Just as she’s about to discipline the class, the ground splits beneath her, and, to her horror, the misbehaving boy is thrown off his feet. Snow and dirt lift him from the ground, and he’s roughly chucked aside. The boy lands heavily on his back, and a couple of students run over to see if he’s all right. But the snow is shot in their direction, ceasing them from checking on him.
Fortunately the boy is fine.
Toph wouldn’t dream of harming a child, but she certainly wouldn’t mind scaring one.
‘Guessing you’re the class clown, eh?’
The boy scrambles to his feet, frowning at her. Katara forgets about the lesson, and hurries over, placing one hand on Toph’s shoulder. Before she can let a word in, the boy starts yelling: ‘Look at her! She’s blind.’ Toph can hear his arm raise, the finger pointed at her face. ‘Haha, what kinda bender are you? You can’t see anything.’
Katara gapes at him.
‘True that,’ Toph says. ‘But I’m the best bender you’ll ever find.’
‘Pst, yeah right!’
‘Yeah. Right.’ Toph slams her foot down, and the boy is shot off into the far distance. Katara’s hand slips from Toph’s shoulder.
‘Please tell me you have someway to fetch him back?’
Toph folds her arms, ‘Why do that?’
‘Toph!’
‘Fine, whatever.’ She pushes her palms upwards, and the ground raises. That’s when Katara can see a small figure being dragged closer towards them. The earth has a hold on him, dragging him back to where Katara and Toph stand. To Katara’s amazement, the boy isn’t harmed, although there are distinct tears in his eyes.
At Toph’s motion, the earth crumbles away, and he’s released.
Before he can say anything, however, Toph steps forward. And her voice isn’t kind.
‘You wanna know the truth? I’d’ve killed to have had a teacher like Katara. You’d better watch your mouth, kid. I’m watching you.’
Katara has to restrain herself from pulling a face at that ironic warning. Or even smiling at Toph’s praise for her.
‘I will! I’m sorry. I won’t––I won’t do anything like that again!’
Toph cringes at his wails. ‘There’s no need to get in a state, kid.’
‘Um, thank you, Toph.’ Katara gently holds the boy’s hand. ‘I can take it from here. You can go now.’
If Toph could see Katara’s face, the smile on her lips, how her tone just doesn’t reflect how she truly feels, then maybe Toph might have responded in kind.
Regardless, the young earthbender just shrugs, and for the first time in her life, does as she’s told.
The snow begins to talk as well. About the wind, the fact heavy snowfall is due. About the lives who have trodden the same path. The colours reflected in the night sky, and the things people believe she can’t possibly comprehend. This evening is a little warmer, but even the thick coat Katara lent her doesn’t keep much heat in.
Still, it beats the Earth Kingdom. Toph isn’t quite ready to return yet.
Toph hasn't strayed far from Katara’s home, which is wise. The snow doesn’t make it easy to retrace her steps. Which is why Katara discovers her not far off. She doesn’t say anything when she approaches, sitting down beside her friend, and enjoying the view. Toph hears her exhale in some kind of contentment, and imagines her face displaying such a feeling.
It suddenly occurs to her why Katara is expressing this sort of aura.
‘Did Aang visit?’
‘Yes. He’s going away for a while, so came to collect what he left behind.’
Toph doesn’t care if Aang has stayed with Katara or not.
Even if the idea annoys her a bit.
‘Is Twinkle Toes still depending on you to look after him?’ Toph laughs. ‘He needs to start growing up.’
‘He has, Toph. We’re friends and we’re close. We depend on each other.’
‘Close? Ah. Okay. Is that what you’re calling it?’
Katara narrows her brows. She had come out here to have a relaxing time, but maybe she shouldn’t have hoped so much. This is Toph, and sometimes she can suggest the most outrageous things. In the rudest way.
‘What do you mean?’
Toph shrugs. ‘You like Aang! That’s not exactly news to me.’
For a long while, they’re quiet, and Toph realises she’s made a mistake. Katara’s energy darkens, and she lowers her voice to a whisper. ‘We’re not together anymore.’
This catches Toph off guard. ‘Why?’
‘Oh, stop pretending you care!’ Toph hears Katara stand to her feet. ‘You chose not to have anything to do with us for the past two years. What do you expect to happen? Things have changed over the years, Toph. And then you think it’s all well and good to just waltz into our lives again, and think things will be exactly as you left them!’
‘Is that why you’re mad at me? ‘Cos I don’t wanna keep up with your boring love life?’
‘No! Because––’ Katara cuts herself off. She looks down at Toph who remains seated, her head at a slight angle towards her. There’s an emotion in her eyes which Katara can’t pinpoint, but it doesn’t matter. As far as she’s concerned, Toph is being completely unfair. ‘Because I thought we were friends. I don’t know. Forget it.’
Toph scoffs quietly, and can’t ignore the rage building in her stomach. How much she hates it when she’s criticised. Let alone by somebody she genuinely cares for!
‘I felt close to you. Really close. I thought you felt the same, but I suppose I was wrong.’
‘Wouldn’t be the first time,’ Toph snaps, and instantly regrets her tone.
‘You know, I have no idea why I missed you! Clearly I forgot how impossible you are to be with.’ Katara sharply turns on her heel to leave, but stops, and looks back. ‘By the way, what you did to that student today was completely out of order!’
‘Whatever. I didn’t hear you complaining at the time.’
‘It’s not nice to treat people that way––’
‘Do you wanna back off?’ Toph has stood to her feet now, and although her line of gaze isn’t on Katara, she faces her with an irritated expression. ‘I only did that because he deserved it. I just don’t have time for disrespectful students. They think everything can be handed to them on a plate, and it all to be easy. If you don’t discipline ‘em, they won’t know any better.’
‘Thank you, but I don’t need your advice on teaching.’
Katara rarely witnesses Toph take an insult. Sometimes, Toph can be a little too expressive, and Katara’s words sting. ‘I don’t care anymore. I’m going to bed.’
‘Do you need me to help you find your way?’
That wasn’t meant as mockery, but in her anger, Toph interprets it as such. As she takes a step forward, a spray of snow lands in Katara’s direction. The waterbender doesn’t attempt to call for her friend, aware of the damage she’s caused.
When it comes to discussing emotions, it always has to be complicated with Toph.
Deciding to give them both some time to simmer down, Katara returns to where she was seated before. Her eyes sting, and her heart hurts, but she won’t allow herself to cry. Not for Toph. They have argued like this before, but this time around, the tone and manner of Toph’s behaviour was more personal than usual.
Katara has upset her one way or another, and the waterbender fears it might be to do with Aang’s visits.
The hut is warm. She can smell smoke, a little of ash.
Closing the door, Katara lowers her hood, and turns in the direction of the fireplace. A smile reaches her lips and she comes forward. Toph has been kneeling before the fireplace for God knows how long, trying to start a few flames with the match. Yet, each time the fire catches the wood, it disappears from the cold and draft.
Katara kneels down with her, and reaches for the match sticks.
‘It won’t work! I’ve done everything.’
‘You’re doing it perfectly,’ Katara says. She swipes the match stick, and feeds the flame to several areas across the wood. She waves her hand over the flames, moves the wood slightly, and then, the fire bursts to life. ‘You just need to encourage it, that’s all.’
‘I was hoping it would be done before you got back.’
‘No, I appreciate it, Toph.’
They enjoy the warmth for a moment. Finally the cold is bearable, and Toph’s fingertips don’t feel as if they’re going to fall off anymore. ‘So, about before…’
‘It’s all right. I’m sorry too.’
‘Uh, thanks. I guess. I mean, what I wanted to say was, well––you really did miss me?’
Katara blinks, perplexed. ‘Of course. You’re one of my best friends. How could I not miss you?’ She chuckles. ‘I don’t expect you to have missed me as well, but, yeah, your absence was noticeable. I kinda like having a girl around.’
‘Some girl,’ Toph scoffs. Katara smiles. ‘I missed you too. It got boring without having somebody to argue with.’
‘You know the right things to say, don’t you?’ Katara reaches over, a hesitant hand at Toph’s cheek, before she drops it. Instead, Katara shufflers closer, and rests her head on Toph’s shoulder, holding on as tight as she can. ‘It’s good to have you back,’ she whispers. Toph’s heartbeat resonates in her ear, and Toph inhales sharply.
Two years is a long time.
‘It’s nice to be back.’