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“It gives you anxiety only when you keep lying. I will erase them again. But first, listen.”
“Olly…”
“We’ve been sticking together for who knows how long that I cannot imagine leaving you alone. It’s just a little problem to fix.”
“…”
Qifrey felt warmth in his voice, too much of it, and it was scary. He looked down to avoid his eyes.
“Next time, when I figure it out again, I bet we’ll find a better solution. Promise me not to do anything reckless and to ask me for help when you need it. I won’t remember, but I will help. I’m sure of it.”
“Stop saying that. It’s too dangerous. I won’t let you take on more than this.”
Qifrey clenched his fist, maybe he should just lie and promise that he would, but at that moment he couldn't. His throat went dry at any attempt to.
Olruggio sighed.
“It’s okay. No matter how long it takes, I’ll stay here, at our home.”
Qifrey’s heart pounded, and his feelings made "it" move. He still tried to control it from sprouting.
“I’ll stay with you until the very end, no matter how many years it takes, and when it’s solved…”
Qifrey fell to his knees. He was breathing heavily. This type of comfort is really hard to deal with.
Olruggio hugged Qifrey, his arms gently wrapping around him in a warmth that Qifrey was so afraid to feel.
“I’ll make you free.”
Qifrey gasped, he wanted to push him away, but instead he grabbed a corner of his robe, trying to control himself and thinking about how Olly would erase his memory again.
Olruggio couldn’t just leave without knowing how long it would take until the next time he figured it out.
It was a short embrace anyway, in one of each other’s heartbeats that they both could feel, and Olruggio pulled back, knowing he couldn’t be close to him.
Qifrey looked stunned. He tried to control himself like he usually does, but hearing all of this still put his guard down. A few branches grew.
“The way you look at me makes it easy to tell how much you’re bearing alone.”
Olruggio looked at Qifrey, who couldn’t control the branches growing around him and still had eyes full of guilt, about to cry. Qifrey opened his mouth to say:
“I’m sor—”
Olruggio climbed up one of the branches and bit his ear through the gaps.
“Quit saying that.”
Olruggio smiled, his face so close that he could feel his breathing. His eyes, full of confidence that comes from who knows where, were as bright as ever.
The brightest star, the star I could never reach.
“W-what are you doing?”
Qifrey blushed and touched his ear. More branches grew.
“That’s a little revenge for you doing everything without letting me help you. It has such an effect? I’m going to erase my memories now, so hang in there.”
Olruggio decisively took out a piece of paper from Qifrey’s robe.
“This one, right? I knew you had one just in case.”
Qifrey gasped as he saw Olruggio take the memory-erasing spell he prepared before.
“Well, ’till next time.”
“Olly!”
Olruggio slept as if nothing bothered him. Peacefully.
The branches disappeared instantly, and Qifrey fell down, shaking.
Qifrey bowed to the sky.
He gulped back his tears, unable to breathe or cry.
“Olly…”
He whispered softly, as if calling him back, knowing he couldn’t hear him.
How many times does this need to happen?
How many more times does his memory need to be erased?
The pain was so much that his heart was pricked by thousands of needles.
Yes, this is very effective to keep the roots away, but each time it gets even more…
Unbearable.
The way he says the most comforting words before he does the most outrageous things.
I cannot be the only one to remember.
“You say until the end, no matter how many years it takes… How can I?”
When I cannot even reach out to you, you hug me and say the most comforting words that you won’t even remember. So brave, so stupid. So…
Qifrey kneeled until he could calm down and restore his breathing. He slowly lifted himself, feeling like his head was spinning and his limbs didn’t have any ounce of energy to move.
He’ll wake up without any memories, so I should look proper.
He looked at the lake downhill and at the sunrays shining upon it. The wind was blowing as if bringing the source of anxiety back to its owner.
You never change.
I too.
I never change. I cannot leave you.
Even if I can never reach the warmth you give to me.
Qifrey looked at Olruggio’s hat and his own ornament there.
He forgives me each time and smiles like nothing’s wrong.
I need to solve this before “the next time” comes.
You already carry my burden by just being near me. That’s enough for me. I cannot take more from you than I already have.
He sat down and hugged his knees like he did when he was a child.
I shouldn’t say sorry?
Then…
“Thank you.”