Chapter Text
There are a lot of perks to dating Mizuki, of that Ena is sure. For starters, they meet way more often than before, and for some reason that Ena can’t really figure out, dates are better than friend outings, even though they are doing all the same things. It’s funny, Ena thinks, how the same mall and the same streets and the same shops and activities all feel so fundamentally different just because they’re dating. Everything she and Mizuki do now that they did before has taken on a new flavor, a new meaning. There’s an underlying feeling of euphoria and excitement that paints Ena’s cheeks red and makes her not complain too much when Mizuki sneaks a kiss or two even though they are in public.
Another perk is that they also hold hands more often (which is to say, almost the entire time they’re together), and that after teasing her, Mizuki smiles and kisses Ena on the tip of her nose or her cheek as Ena pretends to scowl. They call more often, and there’s a newfound closeness that confuses Ena, for she already thought she couldn’t possibly feel any closer to Mizuki than she already did, before their feelings were out in the open.
Ena finds herself often thinking of her embarrassing conversation with Airi, because it truly is so very hard to put into words how exactly her relationship with Mizuki has changed ever since they kissed in SEKAI three months ago. In many ways, nothing has changed, yet everything has.
Overall, the perks are numerous, really, but the best one is probably all the kissing. Because Mizuki apparently loves kissing. Any excuse will do, and Ena doesn’t complain. Kissing Mizuki is something she will never get tired of. Mizuki almost seems to be speaking to Ena through her kisses. Which is a bit ironic, Ena thinks, since she had initially planned to use kissing as a way to shut Mizuki up sometimes.
There are soft kisses, which convey all of Mizuki’s love and adoration. Her lips move slowly and softly, she sighs a little in between them, and Ena always ends up feeling lightheaded. There are also teasing kisses, which Mizuki delivers by nipping at Ena’s lips and smiling so wide she can barely move her stupid mouth. Happy kisses, when something good happened or Mizuki is simply full of life, and kisses Ena all over her face until Ena is giggling like an idiot. Needy kisses, when Mizuki had a tough day at school, and pulls Ena close and kisses her like she needs to breathe. Sneaky kisses, when they have been shopping for hours and Mizuki needs a little pick-me-up so she drags Ena in one of the changing rooms and kisses her fast and hard and then says “Hmm, my energy has been restored!”. Longing kisses, when they’re on the school rooftop and Ena’s lessons are about to start and neither wants to let go, so Mizuki keeps pulling her back for one more kiss every time Ena tries to leave. Greeting kisses, which Mizuki cannot help but dispense quickly and discreetly despite the fact that they are in the middle of the stupid mall. There are even sorry kisses, when Mizuki actually manages to irritate Ena in a not-so-fun way, and so she pulls her to her and peppers her face in kisses until Ena forgives her.
Ena can always read Mizuki’s mood in the way she kisses her, almost like it’s a form of telepathy. And with their history behind them, Ena finds great comfort in the knowledge that if she ever needs to know what Mizuki is thinking, she can just kiss her and everything will be revealed.
In all honesty, dating Mizuki has insofar only added color to Ena’s life. She never thought she could be so happy. Life is as close to perfect as it has ever been.
Except.
Except there’s actually an issue with all the kissing. See, they started dating exactly three months ago. In these three months, Ena has genuinely lost count of how many times and in how many ways Mizuki has kissed her. And the kissing itself is not the problem, for Ena loves Mizuki’s kisses just as much as Mizuki loves dispensing them. No, the main issue is that the kissing is starting to drive Ena insane. Lately, Mizuki seems to have grown even more comfortable kissing Ena deeply and passionately. There have been a few times, on the school roof of all places, that have left Ena gasping for air, leading Mizuki to busy herself with covering her neck in hickeys. And now Ena has started to crave more than just kissing. Which wouldn’t be an issue in and of itself, if it wasn’t for the fact that Mizuki seems not to feel the same way. At all.
Ena realized this one week ago.
They were hanging out in Mizuki’s room, when no one else was home. Mizuki was sitting on her bed, her legs crossed and her back to the wall. She was rattling off about her favorite anime while she gingerly worked on an embroidery project. Ena was lying down on the same bed, her head on one of Mizuki’s leg, near her knee, her feet resting on Mizuki’s pillow over the covers and her phone in her hands.
“Are you even listening?” Mizuki suddenly asked, lifting the embroidery hoop out of the way so she could look at Ena from above.
“You think the latest episode hinted at the possibility that Mia got stuck in a time loop,” Ena replied distractedly, zooming in on a new top she had been eyeing for ages and which seemed to be on sale on the website.
“And what were all the hints I listed?”
Ena scoffed. “You can’t possibly think I’d remember them all. You listed like fifteen insane details.”
Mizuki lightly shook the leg onto which Ena’s head was propped, causing Ena to drop her phone on her chest. She glared at her annoying girlfriend.
“What.”
Mizuki, who was pouting quite theatrically, broke into a fond smile at the sight of Ena’s irritated gaze.
“Just wanted you to pay more attention to me.”
Ena tried to keep on scowling, she really did, but she found that all her annoyance was melting away like snow bathed in warm sunlight.
“Well, you have it now,” she said softly, which was embarrassing because she had meant to use a put-upon tone instead.
Mizuki grinned, her eyes twinkling and full of love. Ena could get lost in them. She couldn’t resist. She lifted her arms and circled Mizuki’s neck to gently pull her down. She lifted her upper back a bit as Mizuki dipped so that their lips could meet.
Maybe it was the fact that Mizuki was usually the one to initiate most of the kisses, so this felt different, or maybe it was the way Mizuki slowly lowered Ena down so that they could both lie on their side, face to face. Maybe it was the sudden realization that they were quite horizontal on Mizuki’s bed in an empty house, or the way Ena’s legs found themselves tangled with Mizuki’s. Maybe it was because Mizuki’s hands for the first time wandered where they had never been, namely under Ena’s shirt. The heat of Mizuki’s fingertips skating over the sensitive skin of her back, always stopping their motions once too close to the clasp of her bra, made Ena shiver, and she tried to press their bodies closer.
Or maybe it was the fact that at some point, when Ena sighed a little ‘I love you’ in between kisses, Mizuki made a noise against her mouth that Ena had never heard, and she felt like a bolt of lightning exploded inside her brain. She stopped thinking. The only thing she was aware of was that the heat that sometimes pooled in her lower abdomen when Mizuki kissed her deeply was becoming more demanding, intense, and indomitable than it had ever been. It pulsated in waves, and it demanded more and more, like a hunger that she was not sure how to sate. It was completely clouding her judgement, and she was only sure of one thing: she needed Mizuki closer than ever before.
So, all in all, there were a lot of factors that made Ena feel like they were about to take that extra step in their relationship that they had never even discussed out loud, but had always been there, hovering between them after every deeper kiss, after every lingering touch. Ena had been ready for ages.
When they first started dating, Mizuki had been surprisingly quick to jump from tentative, sweet kisses, to deeper, more passionate ones. It was like Mizuki was addicted to kissing Ena, and one late evening (after Mizuki had snogged the lights out of her on the school rooftop earlier that day) Ena had found herself… researching. After all, it was Mizuki who had initiated their first kiss, and it was Mizuki who seemed to take all the first steps in their relationship. For example, she was the one who asked her out on their first date (and of course chose somewhere stupid, the arcade), and she was the one who invited Ena over to her house to meet her family, when Ena still hasn’t even told her parents she has a partner. Ena felt like she was just stumbling behind. She had gotten so unbelievably flustered the first time they kissed. And, embarrassingly, when Mizuki had first introduced a hint of tongue in their kisses she had screamed and jolted away in surprise, prompting Mizuki to laugh until she cried.
No, Ena didn’t want to take that… next step without having properly researched. She reckoned she should be able to say the word, at least in her head.
Sex.
There. Her head fell to desk in defeat. Only thinking the word had caused an intense wave of embarrassment to overcome her. The skin of her face felt hot to the touch. She slapped both her cheeks with her hands, to hype herself up, and forced herself to research. She did so multiple times. And that was how she had found herself with a box full of items she kept tucked under her bed and had been waiting for a moment like this to show Mizuki she was not a prude (something Mizuki had accused her of before).
This was the moment. Despite the fact that she had left the box at home. Oh, well. She had not been able to look at it since it had arrived, anyway.
She grabbed Mizuki’s shoulders and pulled until she was on her back and Mizuki was above her, her hands bracketing Ena’s head. Mizuki kept on kissing her, and Ena thought that something was going to happen and that she was ready for whatever that was. They had never kissed this passionately while lying down on a bed, after all. Ena wasn’t stupid – she knew where this was going.
However, when she wrapped her legs around Mizuki’s mid-section and snaked her arms under her shirt to grip her back, the other girl abruptly pulled away.
Ena blinked her eyes open, confused. Mizuki was looking at her intently. Her cheeks were red, her breathing slightly uneven and her lips a bit swollen, but other than that, her expression was almost blank. She seemed to be looking for some kind of answer on Ena’s face.
“Why did you stop?” Ena asked, furrowing her brow.
Mizuki snickered. “Oh, you wanted more? Enanan you dirty girl.”
Ena would have probably bristled at any other moment, if it wasn’t that she knew for a fact that Mizuki was resorting to teasing in order to avoid… something. There was a slight panic in her eyes that Ena didn’t like one bit.
Ena propped herself up with her elbows to look at Mizuki better. “What’s wrong?” She questioned, undeterred.
Mizuki sighed, shaking her head. She looked at Ena with a sad smile, and then kissed the corner of her mouth.
“You distracted me from my embroidery, that’s what. Tsk tsk.” Mizuki disentangled herself from Ena’s legs and picked up her discarded hoop.
Ena wanted to dig deeper. She almost did. But she didn’t miss the way Mizuki cleared her throat and took a small, unstable breath. Like she was trying so hard to calm herself down without showing. So, Ena did the same. She took a deep breath and looked at Mizuki, now once again working on her embroidery as though nothing had just happened.
“You know you can tell me anything, right?” Ena murmured, and Mizuki’s steady hands faltered.
“Yeah, I just…” Mizuki dropped the hoop in her lap and smiled at her. “There’s nothing to worry about.”
She was lying. Ena knew she was lying and she hated it. Ever since their loud and snotty reunion all those months ago, Mizuki had not lied to her once. Ena was sure of this because she had become an expert in Mizuki. She might be a bit dense and struggle to read other people, but she had a damn PhD in Mizukilogy by now and knew when her girlfriend was lying to her face.
She could have pressed on, but she didn’t. Because even though Mizuki was lying right now, Ena still trusted her blindly. So, if Mizuki was lying, there was a good reason, and Mizuki wouldn’t keep her in the dark forever. Maybe she just needed space to process whatever she was struggling with. It stung a bit that she’d rather work on something on her own than with Ena, but it was fine. As long as they could stay together, Ena was fine with anything.
It’s been a week since then, and Ena is troubled. Mizuki is not kissing her as much as before. Actually, she’s not kissing Ena at all. They met on the school rooftop twice since then, and all she got from Mizuki was a few chaste pecks on her cheek. Mizuki kept her mouth (usually glued to Ena’s face or neck) and her hands very much to herself. It was quite upsetting, to be honest. They went out shopping during the weekend, and Mizuki didn’t even try to sneak into Ena’s changing room to talk her ears off about some silly stuff as Ena changed in front of her pretending to be annoyed about it. Yesterday Ena tried to kiss Mizuki in SEKAI while they were waiting for the others and Mizuki pulled away.
Ena is dumbfounded. She feels almost like an addict whose source of comfort has been cut off. She always joked (both in her head and to Mizuki’s face) that Mizuki was the one addicted to kissing her. One week without Mizuki’s kisses, and Ena is ready to tear her hair out.
She snarls out of frustration and drops her paintbrush. It falls with a wet sound, leaving a blotch of paint on her linoleum floor. Irritated almost to the point of tears, Ena stands up with an angry noise and grabs a rag along with the bottle of turpentine Yukihira-sensei insists she use, which smells like death, unlike favorite brand, which instead is citrus-scented. Ugh, oil paint is such a pain. This is why she should finish her assignments in class and not bring the stupid huge canvas home. It all only makes room smell awful and it ruins her floors and she’ll just be criticized to hell and back once she drags the finished painting back to class.
She scrubs the floor feeling frustration mounting inside of her until she’s ready to snap something in half.
The idea of Mizuki not liking her anymore doesn’t even cross Ena’s mind for a second. That’s not the issue – they’ve been through too much together, and Ena would just know if Mizuki had fallen out of love. No, that’s not the issue. And aside from the lack of kisses, Mizuki is acting like usual. But there’s something off. And this is not Ena being needy or reading too much into it. Something’s wrong. Very wrong.
Ena stands up, huffing angrily. She opens the windows to air the room and sighs, throwing herself on the bed.
This isn’t about her, at least not entirely. This is about sex (saying the word in her head is getting easier, Ena is proud to realize). That much is clear even to Ena, who is very much aware of her dense-as-a-brick nature. She wishes she could be more like Mizuki, and gauge from a look or a simple word how she should act in a certain situation. Mizuki always knows what to do, what to say. If it was Ena struggling like this, Mizuki would have already fixed it by now. Probably on day two. But here Ena is, on day six without Mizuki’s kisses and counting, with no idea what to do, or how to approach the topic.
This cannot go on. Ena is sure that if Mizuki keeps giving her the cold shoulder, Ena might just do something incredibly dumb, even for her standards. Something like stomping her foot and crying in frustration asking Mizuki why, why, why doesn’t she kiss her anymore as she shakes her by the shoulders. That would be simply humiliating.
There must be something smarter that she can do.
A knock on her door.
“Ugh, what?” She snarls, turning her head to welcome her mother with a dark scowl.
“Bad day?” Her mom asks, her nose twitching slightly at the smell inside the room. Anyone else might have commented on it, but her mother has lived with two painters for the past twenty years, so she barely reacts.
“Something like that,” mutters Ena in reply, sitting up on the edge of her bed.
“Problems with the girlfriend?” She ventures, staring right at Ena.
Ena’s jaw goes slack as her stomach plummets to the floor. “W-What?”
Her mom gives her a look. “Oh, please Ena. A mother just knows. Also, no amount of concealer could have hidden that hickey two weeks ago. Are you dating a vampire, by the way?”
Ena, who blushed furiously at the mention of Mizuki’s disastrous love bite (she had given Mizuki such an earful and Mizuki had ended up apologizing by prostrating herself on the floor, though she was laughing and Ena really wanted to murder her) now briefly imagines Mizuki with red eyes and fangs. Terrifying. She’d be even more of a menace than now. She would probably be leaving holes all over Ena’s neck, she’s already obsessed with it as is. But… would that be so bad? Wait, not the point! The withdrawals caused by the lack of kisses are starting to get out of hand. Getting Mizuki to kiss her again is becoming a top priority on Ena’s list of… priorities. Yeah.
“How do you even know it’s a girlfriend?” That feels like an important question to Ena, once she manages to come back to reality.
Her mom gives her another one of her looks. Ena is starting to get annoyed.
“Darling,” she starts, almost condescendingly, and Ena clenches her jaw, “It was obvious to me you liked girls even before I realized Akito didn’t. You’re an open book, you know that?”
Why is everyone always saying that?
She doesn’t reply, and her mom lets out a little sigh.
“I’m happy for you, honestly. And you know I love Touya-kun, but we really needed another girl for family dinners. Gotta keep the man to woman ratio balanced in this house,” her mom jokes with a wink. It’s clear she’s trying her best to reassure Ena that she has no issues with her dating another girl, or dating at all, despite the fact that Ena had been jealously guarding the secret of her relationship with Mizuki from her parents for months. Ena wanted it to stay a secret a bit longer, at least. That was why, even though now Ena has become a regular at Mizuki’s place and has met both her parents multiple times, Mizuki has never once been to her house. For one, her mom would know in an instant. Keeping Mizuki secret from her parents has required considerable effort, so far. She had even gone so far as to bribe Akito not to make any idiot comment in front of them.
The thing is, she just doesn’t want Mizuki to meet them. She loves her mom, but she would have so many questions for Mizuki and Mizuki would be a menace like usual and the whole meeting would be so embarrassing, Ena is sure she’ll be scarred for life. Also, more importantly, her mom would start insisting on inviting Mizuki to the same “family dinners” Touya is sometimes a guest at, and Ena would genuinely rather pack her stuff and run away to live by herself in the forest than have Mizuki meet her dad. She doesn’t want him to see her. Ever. She’s not sure why, but she really, really hates the idea. It fills her with something akin to both repulsion and panic.
These family dinners have been nothing but trouble, to be honest. They are her mother’s latest scheme to fix the tension inside the house. She seems to think that just because Ena helped out at her dad’s exhibit and doesn’t hide from him as much anymore, Ena is now ready to sit down and have dinner with him around once a week. These stupid dinners are the bane of Ena’s existence, at the moment.
Despite her nervousness at her secret being partly out, Ena tries to give her mother a little smile. At least she’s being supportive. She always has been.
“So, when am I meeting her?”
Never, thinks Ena.
“One day,” she says at length, avoiding her gaze. Her mom seems to understand what Ena truly meant, and opens her mouth to ask her more questions.
“What did you want, by the way?” Ena rushes to interrupt her.
“Oh, yeah,” her mom shakes her head, as if she had completely forgotten. “It was about this weekend. I don’t think you heard about Hokkaido?”
“Huh?”
“Your dad has been invited as a special guest at an art auction in Hokkaido. The venue is a five-star hotel, and he can bring a plus-one. They apparently have a pretty fancy onsen so I was thinking of going with him, if it’s okay with you.”
Ena is seething a bit about this, actually, like she always does at the mention of her father’s success.
“Why wouldn’t it be okay with me?”
“You know, Akito is in the States, and we would be gone for the whole weekend.”
Ena frowns. “I’m not five.”
“I’m just worried about what you’re gonna eat, oh and your schedule…”
“I’ll survive,” Ena mutters, rolling her eyes.
Her mom doesn’t seem to believe her. “I’ll make something to leave in the fridge for you,” she adds, nodding to herself. Her own suggestion seems to put her at ease.
Ena opens her mouth to complain because, again, she’s not a child and can make food for herself, thank you very much. But then she thinks of making three meals a day for three days and the thought is exhausting. She could order takeout, but she’s quite broke at the moment, and she refuses to go on a Kanade-style diet of instant noodles for a whole weekend. She reluctantly gives her mother a terse nod.
“Good, that’s good. We’re leaving Friday around 2pm and coming back Sunday night or even Monday morning, depending on the train. We’ll decide once we’re there, I’ll give you the details once we have the tickets.”
Ena nods again, already done with the conversation. Suddenly, an idea pops into her head. Empty house. For three days.
Oh, that could work.
“Oh, and Ena?”
Ena looks up at her mom distractedly, and she gives her an intense look.
“You have two options.”
Ena frowns, confused.
“Option one: you don’t invite your girlfriend over this weekend and I leave this room right now. Option two: you invite her over so now I sit down with you and finally give you the talk. We’ve delayed it enough, you always got so flustered.”
Ena simply stares in horror.
“Option one please,” she breathes, even though she was already thinking of how to invite Mizuki over without making it sound like a big deal. Well, her mom doesn’t have to know.
“But you would tell me if you were… sexually active?”
“Please stop talking,” Ena chokes out, burying her face in her hands and falling back on the bed.
“Well, judging from your reaction I guess you aren’t.”
Ena has never wanted to die from embarrassment more than in this moment. She’s too shocked to even say anything.
“There’s just so much misinformation online,” her mother continues, clearly unaware that Ena is about to jump out of her window, “and I know times are changing and you might be even more informed than me, but I just want you to be safe.”
“Yeah, thank you, noted!”
“Not just from a physical standpoint,” her mother is undeterred, and is now very much into her little speech, “but also emotional. Sex is not something everyone even wants to have, so remember that you don’t have to have to. Don’t let anyone pressure you if you’re not ready, or if you just don’t want to. However, I also want you to be aware that sex can be a huge step in a relationship – it can bring you closer to your partner and might even fundamentally change your relationship. I want you to be prepared-”
Ena, who so far has tried really hard to tune her mother out without interrupting her, now covers her ears with her hands and starts screaming. It’s childish but it works. Her mom stops talking and raises her hands apologetically.
“Sorry, sorry. But just so you know, I also gave your brother the same talk when he started dating Touya-kun and he actually didn’t take it that bad-”
“Mooom!” Ena whines. She stands up and starts ushering her out, even hissing ‘shoo’ a couple of times.
“Please let’s forget this ever happened,” She begs, avoiding eye-contact with her mother as she grabs her door.
“So, no girlfriend over this weekend?”
“Bye!”
Ena slams the door and collapses against it with her back. She couldn’t lie to that last question. She was inviting Mizuki, after all, no question about that. The idea was just too tempting. But not for the reasons her mom thought. She just really wanted to finally have Mizuki over at her place, without all the aforementioned complications. Also, she wanted to corner her, a bit, maybe. Get to the root of their current issue. And if a snog or two came out of it, well. Ena wouldn’t complain.
Now she just has to find a way to ask Mizuki that won’t freak her out.
Back to square one, Ena thinks bitterly. She truly has not missed the times when Mizuki would act like a skittish animal around whom Ena had to walk on eggshells in fear it would bolt, never to be seen again. This isn’t the same, not really, but it’s close enough to make Ena uncomfortable. To be fair to Mizuki, she had warned Ena, that time in the alley. She had said something along the lines of, “I might get scared again, so what’s the point?”
Well, Ena had been willing to cross that bridge once they came to it, and now here they are. And Ena isn’t letting go. If Mizuki’s scared, Ena will slay her monsters. If Mizuki wants to run, Ena will chase her.
She nods to herself, and picks up her phone.
────୨ৎ────
Mizuki sighs as she toys with her plushie. A pink little alien creature that she had fallen in love with at first sight.
Ena won it for her at the arcade on their first official date. Since they already hung out quite a lot before they started dating, Mizuki had insisted they go somewhere they never go to for their first outing as a couple. Ena complained a bit, even said that the idea of dates was stupid when you’re going out with your best friend because what’s the point? It’s just the same but maybe you kiss when you say hello. Mizuki whined petulantly till Ena (like usual) sighed and agreed to anything Mizuki suggested.
Mizuki really wanted the plushie, but after the fifth failed try, she shrugged and gave up on it. After seeing her mildly disappointed face, Ena refused to let it go. She spent so much money on that damn claw machine, never giving up once, despite the odd looks everyone was giving her as she yelled abuse at the machine. Mizuki had to calm her down several times, but still Ena persisted. Mizuki knew she could have somehow convinced her to let it go and move on, but seeing Ena struggle like this, for her sake, was honestly starting to make her feel… almost flustered. She couldn’t take her eyes off her. The more she watched her struggle, huffing and punching the glass of the machine and stomping her foot, just to then angrily fish coins out of her purse to do it all over again, the deeper in love Mizuki fell. She almost felt like a heroine from a shoujo manga. Even though Ena was just being ridiculous and impossibly stubborn about something stupid.
When the prize finally fell in the hole, they both froze. They hadn’t noticed that a small crowd had gathered around them, and suddenly people were cheering. Mizuki will never forget how Ena looked when she handed her the plushie.
Her cheeks were red, and her skin was glossy with perspiration – you would think she had just run a marathon. Her make-up had gotten a bit smudged, and she was breathing heavily. She smiled up at Mizuki full of pride, brimming with happiness. Her eyes almost seemed to sparkle. She took Mizuki’s breath away.
She had never looked more beautiful than in that moment.
“Here,” She panted, and Mizuki limply took the plushie in her hands. She couldn’t speak, and Ena got a bit shy at her silence.
“Sorry it took me so long and I screamed so much but… I couldn’t let this ruin our first date,” she muttered sheepishly, looking at her own shoes.
Mizuki flung her arms around her and hugged her tight in front of the whole arcade. She couldn’t look straight at her anymore.
She was too bright, and Mizuki was going to cry.
It is safe to say, the plushie never leaves Mizuki’s bed. And if it does, it’s when Mizuki rests it on her desk as she works with the rest of Niigo. She strokes it and plays with it while teasing Ena, or working on the MV, or just chatting with everyone. She loves it to death.
She hasn’t kissed Ena in roughly a week. She doesn’t dare, for the moment Mizuki feared has finally arrived. It’s a fear she has had since before they started dating, and has been niggling at the back of Mizuki’s mind since their first kiss. But Mizuki is nothing if not brilliant at avoiding thinking about anything that causes her distress – she watches her anime, works on her projects, and kisses Ena silly despite the terror that one day Ena might want to go beyond kissing, and Mizuki will have to open Pandora’s Box.
The moment has arrived sooner than Mizuki anticipated. Quite unfairly, she realizes, she has been relying on Ena’s shame and embarrassment in regard to anything related to sex and romance and using that to her advantage. So, she wasn’t scared of indulging in kissing Ena as much and as passionately as she desired, for she expected Ena to not be ready to cross any further line any time soon. But last week Ena had seemed ready. Mizuki knows her too well not to be able to tell. She was kissing Mizuki in a different way, had wrapped her body all around hers, and when Mizuki looked at her, she saw her eyes were darker than usual, desire and determination written all over that face of hers that could never conceal any feeling.
It’s not like Mizuki isn’t attracted to Ena. She is. That’s why she ends up always kissing her a bit too deeply. Why she holds her close and breathes her in and kisses her neck until Ena is squirming and has a hickey that she won’t be able to conceal and yells at Mizuki but also subtly smiles at her reflection when she sees the marks Mizuki left behind. Of course Mizuki wants to feel Ena close in a way that transcends words. But the idea of Ena seeing her naked body and hating what she sees, or the idea of Ena having expectations about how Mizuki should want to use her body in a sexual scenario are both so devastatingly repulsive that Mizuki can’t even think about any of this without feeling like she should break up with Ena. Which she refuses to do because Ena is the best thing that ever happened to her. She’s beautiful and creative and courageous and stubborn to a fault. She’s loyal and kind and compassionate. She loves Mizuki fiercely, unapologetically, wholly. And Mizuki never wants to be apart from her ever again.
Which is why this is a dilemma. She could talk to Ena about this, but she can’t even put it into words. And even if she could, she just doesn’t want to talk about this. She only wants to keep hanging out with Ena like they have been so far, kissing her till she’s red in the face and struggling to breathe, while she dutifully suffocates and shoves deep down any other need that arises. But she knows she can’t kiss Ena like that anymore. Because Ena will most certainly once again attempt to show Mizuki that she’s ready, and Mizuki will have to reject her, and Ena will get mad, and then Mizuki will definitely have no other choice but to spill the proverbial beans. Ena is an unstoppable, all-encompassing force, and if she were to once again become fixated with figuring out what Mizuki is hiding, Mizuki knows she won’t be able to resist her. Again.
And so she’s been restraining herself. For she knows for a fact that it would take a small, chaste kiss for Mizuki to want more, and for Ena to try and go even further, after getting riled up.
Still, this is just a temporary solution. Soon, even her oblivious girlfriend will start demanding to know what’s wrong. And Mizuki doesn’t know what to say.
Her phone rings and Mizuki startles, losing her grip on the plushie.
────୨ৎ────
Ena nervously paces her room as she calls Mizuki’s number. She’s calling and not texting because every single message she drafts ends up sounding creepy or embarrassing or insane and she’s been at this for twenty minutes already.
“Haaallo?” Mizuki picks up the phone using a funny voice.
“H-hey.” Ena’s voice is shaking. Her palms are sweaty. Oh, get a grip!
“You okay?” Mizuki enquires, and Ena knows from her tone only that she’s frowning.
“I was… You… My mom asked… Well, my dad… And first of all Akito isn’t-” This is a mess. Maybe a creepy text would have been less humiliating.
Mizuki is quiet for a beat. Then her voice rings in Ena’s ear, teasing and amused. “Did you inhale some paint? Do I need to call an ambulance?”
Ena takes a deep breath. Mizuki’s teasing is somehow calming her down.
“I just… Do you wanna spend the weekend at my house?”
Mizuki, who was quietly giggling, now falls silent.
“Both Friday night and Saturday night,” Ena explains, helplessly.
When Mizuki speaks again, her voice sounds oddly even, as if she’s trying not to let any emotion transpire. “And your parents are okay with me staying over the whole weekend? Did you even tell them about us?”
Ena could lie. She very nearly does. But she doesn’t want to lie to Mizuki.
“They’re not here they- My dad is going to Hokkaido for an art thing, and my mom is going with him. They’ll be gone from Friday afternoon to Sunday night or even Monday morning.”
Mizuki says nothing.
Ena panics, and starts speaking loud and fast in the receiver. “I just… I have always wanted to have a sleepover with you even before we started dating but we never did and now that we are – dating I mean – I don’t want you to come here while Akito can make stupid comments in front of my mom and you know how I absolutely do not want you to meet my dad so I thought…”
“Alright,” Mizuki chirps, and Ena lets out a relieved sigh.
“Really?”
“I have been wanting to have a sleepover forever too, I was always a bit jealous of that time Mafuyu spent the night. I never slept at any of you guys’ places! Unfair. And I have never even been to your house, that’s also exciting! I’ll finally be able to snoop around Enanan’s bedroom…”
“Please behave, or I’m withdrawing my invitation.”
“I’ll be the most bestest guest I swear…” Mizuki muses in that tone that never promises any good. “What time Friday?”
“My mom said they’ll leave around 2pm so any time after that works fine.”
“Okie dokie! Wanna already go shop for snacks tomorrow? I won’t come if you don’t have decent late-night snacks,” Mizuki sing-songs.
She’s acting normal about this, Ena thinks with relief.
“You’re gonna buy chips and all kinds of unhealthy stuff that’s gonna make me break out, aren’t you?”
“Hmm, I wonder…”
Ena sighs. “Fine, but you’re paying.”
“Always bleeding me dry, even when I just promised to come to your house behind your parents’ back like a bad girl…”
“Ugh, fine! We’ll split 70/30.”
“50/50.”
“60/40 and that’s it.”
“Haiii,” Mizuki chirps, and Ena can perfectly picture her smug grin. She smiles fondly at the annoying Mizuki in her head.
“I’ll pick you up from school tomorrow? Or are you skipping?”
“Skipping! Let’s meet at the mall around lunch time.”
“Alright. See you at 25:00, then.”
“See ya!”
Mizuki hangs up and Ena blinks at the wall. Lately, Mizuki has been reluctant about ending their calls. She keeps Ena on with all kinds of excuses, begs her not to hang up in that petulant, whiny tone of hers. So, when Ena told her she’ll see her at 25:00, she was fully expecting Mizuki to complain about being dismissed so early after promising to come to Ena’s house or something.
It doesn’t sit right with Ena. Nothing about this situation does.
────୨ৎ────
The first thing Mizuki says once she steps into Ena’s house on Friday (only minutes after her parents left, which makes Ena think Mizuki was waiting around the corner for that to happen) is something stupid.
“Woah,” she murmurs after a small whistle, “I knew your family was loaded but this is on another level.”
Ena rolls her eyes. “Just take off your shoes and come in.”
“This genkan is the size of my living room!” Mizuki exclaims, spinning around like a damn tornado.
“That’s simply not true. I have been to your house.”
Mizuki stops spinning and looks at Ena with a playfully condescending expression.
“Enanan, that was a hyperbole. It’s a figure of speech where you exaggerate on purpose,” she explains, and Ena sets her jaw.
“I know what a hyperbole is!”
To prove her point, Ena stabs her finger towards Mizuki’s luggage. “Since you’re so into hyperboles, can I ask why the hell you brought a suitcase the size of an elephant?”
“I bet that sounded wittier in your head,” Mizuki sighs. Mizuki looks down at her lilac suitcase, so big it reaches up to her hip joint. And Mizuki has long legs. Long, pretty legs… Ena needs to splash her face with very cold water. Never would she have thought that not kissing Mizuki for a week would reduce her to such a pathetic state. How did she survive before they got together? Well, to be fair, she didn’t know, back then, how soft Mizuki’s lips were. How well she used them. How close she felt to her-
Mizuki pats her suitcase with a smug grin and Ena is startled out of her thoughts.
“You’re stalling.”
“A hyperbole works best when the exaggeration makes sense. When comparing a typically small room like a genkan to a living room, you’re painting a clear picture. No suitcase is as big as an elephant, Ena.”
Ena throws her arms in the air. “And our genkan isn’t bigger than your living room and you’re still avoiding the question!”
“Eeh, Ena-chan you should be more interested in rhetorical devices, you’re an artist.”
“Call me Ena-chan one more time and I’m sending you home.”
Mizuki snickers and finally takes off her shoes. She hauls her gigantic suitcase over the step that leads into Ena’s house and looks at her with a cheeky smile.
Ena won’t be distracted so easily.
“You do realize I did not ask you to move in with me?”
Mizuki pulls a theatrically shocked expression. “Enanan! Oh, you wound me. I thought you were finally ready to make a decent woman out of me.”
“You’re so irritating,” Ena mutters with a frown on her face, which completely disappears when Mizuki quickly kisses her nose.
She sighs. “Can you just tell me why you brought so much luggage?”
Mizuki smiles at her and taps a finger on her nose. “Good things come to those who wait…”
Ena rolls her eyes and turns her back to her. Impossible girl. One day Ena will win an argument, or gain the upper hand. One day.
“Follow me,” she grunts.
Mizuki chuckles behind her. She’s so annoying. And Ena wouldn’t change a thing about her.
She leads Mizuki to her room, as Mizuki diligently follows. The sound of the wheels of the suitcase in the empty house, accompanied by Mizuki’s steps and her bubbly voice as she comments on everything she sees, are all starting to make Ena feel quite nervous all of a sudden.
“Here,” she says, her voice a bit raspy because her throat is now very dry for some reason.
“Ohh, I can’t believe I’m finally seeing Enanan’s bedroom!” Mizuki says happily.
Her eyes are scanning everything, and Ena feels self-conscious. She stiffly walks to her wardrobe and opens it, getting a futon out.
“Ah!” Mizuki exclaims, making Ena whip her head around at the speed of light.
Mizuki is holding her yellow cat plushie, one of the many claw machine prizes Touya had gifted her.
“You used this in your selfies a lot! I can’t believe I’m meeting such a celebrity.”
Ena rolls her eyes. “Here,” she grumbles, dropping the futon to the floor next to the bed, “Make yourself useful and stop snooping.”
Mizuki grins. “Haiii.”
She fixes the futon herself as Ena frantically looks around her room for anything incriminating. She had expected Mizuki to come by a bit later, not the very second her parents left. She had planned to fix her room and make sure it looked (and smelled) good. Instead, there’s a folded easel on the floor in the middle of the room, splotches of paint everywhere, papers upon papers with smudged charcoal drawings Ena had drafted before finishing her weekly art assignment, and the whole room smells strongly of oil paint and Yukihira-sensei’s stupid paint thinner that he insists is “the only good one.” Her desk is also a mess, her bed undone, and her pajamas are bunched up in one corner of the room.
Oh, well. Mizuki already knew she’s a bit messy. She still needs to do something about the smell, though. Maybe she’ll light a candle or two while Mizuki is distracted. Some incense too. The smell is quite strong, after all. She could swear Yukihira-sensei just wants them to use that foul paint thinner just to make sure none of them can have their partner over, thus ensuring they stay focused on their art. That must be it.
Once Mizuki is done rolling out the futon, she smiles up at Ena from where she’s kneeling on the floor.
“It’s time to reveal the contents of the elephant suitcase.”
She stands up and waltzes back to her suitcase, carefully laying it down so she can unzip it. Ena kneels next to her, very curious and slightly nervous. One never knows what the menace next to her has in store.
“Ta-dah!” Mizuki says, proudly fanning her hands over the open suitcase like she’s a magician who just performed an impressive trick.
“I don’t understand.”
Mizuki shakes her head, as though deeply disappointed in Ena. “It’s all the stuff one needs at a sleepover! Look.”
Mizuki fishes her pink Nintendo Switch with its dock and a bunch of cables out of the suitcase.
“I brought entertainment, of all kinds! There’s playing cards and my favorite boardgames that you can play in two and nail polish so we can get a manicure and also I brought all the snacks we got together and…”
She keeps going, but Ena stops listening. Something clicks in her brain.
This is Mizuki’s first sleepover.
Her heart gives a painful little twitch. Mizuki has probably never had the opportunity to have a sleepover with some other girls. Even Ena, who is much more introverted than Mizuki, has been invited to a few sleepovers in elementary school, and has slept over at Airi’s a couple of times, and Mafuyu had stayed over that one time. She suddenly wishes they had done this sooner.
“We should have a sleepover with the rest of Niigo, sometime,” Ena blurts out.
Mizuki stops speaking, and her cheeks flush slightly, immediately realizing Ena has read her like an open book.
“That would be nice,” Mizuki says, carefully.
Ena wants to kiss her bashful expression away. But she doesn’t know if she’s allowed. She settles for ruffling Mizuki’s hair. Her affection needs to come out, some way or another.
“Come on, let’s go set up this thing. You have the MMO cable, right?”
Mizuki frowns at her, looking very amused. “The what?”
“Oh, is it MMI cable?”
Mizuki’s laughter bubbles out of her lips slowly, as though she was trying her hardest to stay serious.
“Y-you mean the… the… (pah-ha-ha), I can’t… Didn’t take you for an MMO p-player… Do you even know (hahaha) what that is…” Mizuki wipes away a tear and Ena crosses her arms over her chest.
She has no idea what’s going on but she knows Mizuki is making fun of her. “What!”
“It’s the… the HDMI cable! MMO is anoth-another thing.” Mizuki finally manages to choke out, still laughing.
Ena knows her cheeks are red.
“Ah mou whatever! You got what I meant so who cares what it’s called! Just set it up, then!”
────୨ৎ────
Being with Ena is fun. So much fun. From the first time they ever hung out together, Mizuki has always felt something akin a euphoric high when spending time with Ena. She always goes a bit wilder than she usually does, says cheekier things that she would never say to anyone else, and always ends up overdoing it a bit. She knows why that is. She’s in love, and she always has been. And Ena sees her, cares about her, and looks absolutely adorable when Mizuki makes her angry.
Right now, they’re playing Smash Bros and Ena is losing. Badly. She keeps yelling at the TV and Mizuki knows she’s about to ragequit in approximately one to two minutes. She knows her well.
She really wants to kiss her. She’s aching to.
“You really are egregiously bad at this,” she comments after clearing her throat.
Ena turns around to fix her with an incredulous, angry glare.
“You didn’t even teach me the controls! ‘It’s more fun that way’ my ass! No the hell it isn’t ‘more fun’. You piss me off- oomph.”
Mizuki cannot take it anymore. She leans over and kisses Ena mid-sentence. There’s most definitely something wrong with her for finding Ena so irresistible when she’s chewing her head off. But she’s just so cute in the way she squints her eyes and gets seriously angry but also not really. Lately, Mizuki has truly been unable to refrain from kissing her whenever she gets like this.
Ena’s controller promptly falls to the floor. It’s the lightest touch of lips on lips, but it has Mizuki immediately feeling lightheaded. Ah, a week without kissing was a bad idea, after all. This is bad.
Ena sighs, sounding both surprised and relieved. There’s no trace of Ena’s annoyance in the way her hand gently settles on Mizuki’s nape, so that she can pull her closer.
Mizuki knows they should stop – Ena is already melting into the kiss, and if Mizuki doesn’t find a way out right now, she’ll have to push Ena away at an awkward moment and then Ena will want to know why. It’s a conversation Mizuki wants to avoid at all costs, which is partly why she brought so much stuff, other than her excitement at the prospect of her first sleepover. It’s best if they keep busy.
Ena tries to deepen the kiss by opening her mouth, and Mizuki quickly pulls away, turning to the screen in one swift motion so she can kick Ena’s character into the stratosphere.
“Pupupu, you lose,” she mocks.
Ena gapes at the screen and then glares at her, incredulous. “That was cheating! And you were already winning! You’re insufferable!”
Mizuki grins at her. “You say that but you love me…” She says with a playful tone.
“I do. More than anything.” Ena says very seriously. Mizuki’s smile freezes on her face.
That was unexpected. Mizuki has teased Ena like that multiple times before, and Ena always seems to reply something along the lines of, “Unfortunately yes, I do,” or, “Heaven knows why but I do.” A sassy way to confirm that yes, she does love Mizuki, while still keeping the mood light. There was nothing ‘light’ about her answer now.
Mizuki needs to find a way out of this. Ena is about to say something else, and Mizuki is sure it’s going to be, “you can talk to me”. She just knows.
“Come on, let’s play in the same team. I’ll teach you.”
Mizuki looks at the screen as she selects the options. Her hands are sweaty on the controller, and she feels the uncomfortable weight of Ena’s stare digging in the side of her face.
Ena knows.
Once again, Ena is aware that Mizuki is hiding something, and Mizuki feels like she’s going to be sick if she has to talk about it .
Ena slowly picks up her controller.
“This is a stupid game,” she mutters.
Mizuki suppresses her relieved sigh at Ena clearly having decided to give her space.
“Enanan, nobody likes a sore loser.”
Ena lightly kicks her foot. “Shut up…”
The rest of the afternoon goes without a hitch. They play some more Smash until Ena gets the gist of it and smugly challenges Mizuki to go against each other one more time, clearly confident that she could at least win one round. She loses every single game and gets really mad about it. She even turns her back to Mizuki on the couch and crosses her arms on her chest. Mizuki hugs her from behind and coaxes and begs until Ena agrees to at least have a look at Mizuki’s island on her Animal Crossing game. Mizuki insists Ena make her own profile so she can come hang out on the island, and the two of them spend a good couple of hours terraforming and changing things around. Ena’s “house” becomes a cute café, and Mizuki completely rearranges the bedroom in her character’s house so that it can accommodate two. Ena insists on turning the floor upstairs (that Mizuki had been using as a storage room for her gyroids) into an art atelier, and takes full creative control of the whole renovation.
When Ena’s stomach rumbles, Mizuki grins and sprints towards the bedroom as Ena begs her not to get anything that will force her to amp up her skincare routine. Mizuki comes back with her arms full of chip bags and candy, and Ena glares and sighs and yet ends up snacking twice as much as Mizuki.
As they snack, Mizuki manages to convince Ena to start a Pokémon gameplay on her own. At this point, they’re sitting on the floor. Mizuki’s back rests against the couch, her knees drawn up, while Ena sits with her back against Mizuki’s chest. She’s having a lot of fun naming the Pokémons she captures after famous artists. Mizuki knows she could easily spend the rest of her life just like this. She simply listens to Ena telling her about artists Mizuki knows nothing about, quietly laughing in her shoulder when Ena loses a battle and starts screaming colorful insults at her opponent, shaking the controller and flipping off the TV.
However, the brief kiss from before, which Mizuki had initiated without thinking, is making this closeness start to feel maddening. While Ena plays, Mizuki can’t help but kiss her hair over and over, nuzzle the skin behind her ear to breathe her in, or simply hug her close. Ena keeps complaining about Mizuki being a distraction and the sole reason why she had to retry the first gym twice and is struggling with most of the game mechanics. Mizuki disagrees – Ena is just clearly terrible at video games, to a degree that is almost impressive. But she’s right about something: this closeness is distracting, and if she isn’t careful, Mizuki will start kissing her soon.
Mizuki picks up a lollipop, unwraps it, and idly holds it in her mouth, her chin on Ena’s shoulder. That should keep her oral cavity preoccupied with something other than Ena’s inviting skin.
“That smells good,” Ena comments distractedly, throwing a fifth Mega Ball at the Pokémon on the screen. Mizuki knows why capturing a low-level Pokémon like that is proving to be such a difficult task for Ena. First of all, Ena is too scared to accidentally deplete its HP bar, so she’s not even attacking it. Secondly, she refused to teach any of the Pokémon in her team “useless” moves that would make the opponent fall asleep or get paralyzed. And finally, she already wasted all the special Poké Balls in her bag in the most random ways. Mizuki lets her struggle, for Ena gets quite annoyed when she starts making suggestions. Also, this is Ena at her cutest.
“Green apple,” Mizuki mumbles around the lollipop.
The Pokémon finally gets captured and Ena squeals happily. “Ah, yatta! I got it!”
Mizuki’s head burrows deeper into Ena’s shoulder. She’s just too cute, and Mizuki is going to implode.
“Get me one,” Ena demands, not taking her eyes off the screen.
“We’re out.”
“Ugh.”
Mizuki gets her own lollipop and brings it up to Ena’s mouth.
“Want mine?”
Ena hesitates, then shrugs, wrapping her mouth around it.
“Thank you,” she mumbles, her words all jumbled because of the candy.
Mizuki looks at the now almost empty bag of snacks, trying to find something else to stick in her mouth again. Nothing. Alright, time to switch activities. Even though watching Ena as she struggles playing a game meant for children is as entertaining as it gets.
“I’m hungry.”
“Ha? You’ve been snacking for an hour.”
“You ate most of them,” Mizuki points out, knowing it will cost her a glare, and perhaps even a light elbowing. She’s right.
“You’re so annoying,” Ena grits out, saving the game and closing it.
“It’s almost dinnertime anyway!”
“No, it’s not- Oh. Did we really play all afternoon?” Ena stares at the clock on the wall of the living room with a frown.
“They do say time flies when you’re with someone who’s super fun…”
Ena sighs, a bit exasperated but also amused, and stands up.
“Hai hai, you’re fun to be around sometimes, I’ll give you that,” she says with an easy smile, offering Mizuki her hand. Mizuki grabs it and stands up. Once she’s standing, she uses their linked fingers to make Ena twirl like a ballerina under her arm.
“Stupid,” Ena giggles, as Mizuki pulls her close. She looks up at Mizuki and scrunches up her nose. “And corny.”
“Eeh? I thought it was cute,” Mizuki complains, though she can’t help but grin.
Ena tugs at her hand. “Come, I actually thought of a surprise for you for dinner. Though you might not be into it at first.”
Mizuki lets Ena guide her to the kitchen, holding onto her hand and lacing their fingers together.
“Enanan, you’re not planning to poison me, are you?”
Ena smirks at Mizuki over her shoulder, the lollipop stick hanging from her lips making her look like a bad girl from one of those silly dramas. “Only sometimes.”
Mizuki chuckles.
They enter the kitchen and Mizuki sits on top of the counter as Ena instead leans against it with her hip. She hands Mizuki her lollipop back and Mizuki happily pops it back in her mouth, beaming at Ena.
“You don’t like mushrooms, correct?” Ena asks, her arms folded on her chest.
Mizuki pulls a disgusted face, even sticking her tongue out. “Yuck!”
“Because of the texture?”
“They’re slimy and gross…”
Ena tilts her head. “What about their taste? In general.”
“Well, it’s hard to think of how I feel about their taste when it feels like there’s slugs in my mouth.”
Ena rolls her eyes, smiling. “But you do like umami?”
“Who doesn’t?”
Ena grins, a bit smug. “Hehe, I think I know how to make you like mushrooms.”
“I’m fine as I am, thank you.” Mizuki wrinkles her nose, shaking her head.
“Just trust me! I’ll cook for you, I went to buy everything yesterday. You can just sit there and talk my ears off about anime or whatever and I’ll cook and show you what I’m doing and you’ll at least try it, okay? My mom left stuff in the fridge anyway so you have a way out if you hate it.”
Mizuki purses her lips in thought, suckling on the lollipop. In truth, she’s already made up her mind, but wants to keep Ena on her toes a bit longer.
“Fiiiine,” She eventually says, and Ena looks so happy at her answer that Mizuki thinks she’ll probably force herself to eat whatever mushroom-y nightmare Ena serves her and pretend to like it just to keep her smiling like that.
Luckily, she doesn’t have to. Ena has made her mushroom risotto – apparently she learnt how in a Home Ec class in middle school, and there was a girl in her group who hated the consistency of mushrooms and suggested they blend the them.
Watching Ena cook has been the highlight of Mizuki’s week – she refused any help (“I’m the cook! You sit!”) and cried like a baby when chopping up the onion, while pretending not to. She almost spilled the white wine everywhere when deglazing. She forgot to put the stock on and panicked because it wasn’t boiling yet and she had already tossed the dry rice in the deglazed onion and butter. In short, she was a mess. But, somehow, she managed, and now Mizuki is eating what she can only assume will become one of her favorite dishes ever. There’s no sliminess at all. Ena used way less mushroom than the recipe called for, and very carefully chopped and blended them. Mizuki can’t believe she’s enjoying a dish with mushrooms so thoroughly. She keeps praising Ena, who gets more and more smug the more Mizuki showers her in compliments. Mizuki is starting to have fun coming up with silly yet sincere ways to applaud Ena’s cooking. Ena gets quite flustered (rather than annoyed, which Mizuki finds endearing) when Mizuki loudly declares, “You’re an artist not just with a paintbrush, but with a wooden spoon too!”
Throughout the whole day, Mizuki has managed to kiss Ena only once. That’s good. Very good. And incredibly frustrating.
────୨ৎ────
Mizuki has kissed Ena only once today. That’s terrible. So, so terrible. And incredibly frustrating.
Ena is nearing a breaking point. Which is, quite simply, ridiculous. What is she, an addict? Now she can’t be around Mizuki for a few hours without kissing her?
Mizuki is taking a bath, and Ena is pacing her room, trying not to think of the box she has hidden under the bed and all the research she has conducted in order to prepare herself for a day that, judging by how things are going, is probably never going to happen. Mizuki clearly doesn’t want to go beyond kissing, with the occasional heavy-handed make-out session where everyone keeps their hands mostly to themselves. Oh well, Ena can learn to be fine with that. Eventually. But the lack of kissing? That’s simply unacceptable. She needs to find a solution. Or she’s going to cry the next time Mizuki pulls away from her like earlier today on the couch.
Mizuki gets into the bedroom wearing cute pajamas (a matching set with pink shorts and a white shirt), her hair still a bit damp. She smells clean and lovely as she comes over to Ena to boop her nose.
“I’m all done! Your turn.”
Ena knows she’s taking a cold shower first.
Mizuki chose a dumb, dumb movie. It’s sad and Ena cries the whole time and Mizuki laughs at her and Ena tries to smother her with a pillow at some point.
Ena demands she be the one to pick the next movie. She does so at random and Mizuki agrees and then switches choices when Ena isn’t looking and they end up watching a horror movie. Ena keeps screaming asking Mizuki to turn it off but it’s dark in the living room and Mizuki hid the remote all the way on the other side of the living room near the TV and she’s too scared to stand up and walk to get it. It’s infuriating. Mizuki seems to have glued herself to the couch and no matter how much Ena tries to push her, her impossible girlfriend stays sitting there with a satisfied smile that is making Ena lose her mind. Mizuki just keeps grinning and laughing and pinching Ena’s sides when she least expects it. Ena knows she’s going to faint out of sheer terror, and refuses to open her eyes for a single second. But the sounds and the dialogues are enough to scare her to death, and thirty minutes in she finally gives up and hides her face into Mizuki’s chest, seeking comfort. See, she really didn’t want to do that, because she knew that that must have been Mizuki’s original goal for putting on such a horrifying movie. But at this point it’s a matter of life and death.
“Ah, finally! Took you long enough,” Mizuki complains playfully, hugging Ena close. Ena angrily squeezes Mizuki’s ribcage as hard as she can.
“Ow, ow! Easy.”
“Endure it, it’s all your fault and you deserve worse.”
“Alright- ngh!” The character on the screen seemingly gets sliced in half and screams, and Ena knows she must have suffocated Mizuki in her fear. Well, as she said, Mizuki deserves this.
“Maybe I miscalculated,” Mizuki chokes out, squirming in her arms, “I don’t think I’m surviving this movie.”
“Well, neither am I! Turn it off!”
Thankfully, Mizuki does. She even turns on all the lights for Ena, who tries to convey through a glare how angry she is.
“Well, this was a traumatic evening,” she barks out, and is glad to see that Mizuki actually looks a bit apologetic.
“I’m sorry,” She murmurs, sitting back on the couch. Ena angrily burrows in her side, as Mizuki apologizes over and over, kissing her hair and rubbing her arms in a comforting manner.
“Let’s do something you like, hmm?” Mizuki whispers against Ena’s temple.
“You wanna watch something else or play a game or…?” Ena asks, keeping her head in the crook of Mizuki’s neck.
Mizuki shakes her head against Ena. “Anything you want.”
Ena opens her mouth to ask if they can watch the new drama she saw people online raving about, but quickly closes it.
The question forms on her tongue before she has even fully decided she’s going for it, but her heart is suddenly beating too fast to voice it. But it’s late in the evening, and Mizuki is so close that all Ena feels is her warmth. A foreign kind of boldness seizes her, and her mind is made. And you know what? Mizuki should give her anything she wants, right now.
“I want you to kiss me.”
Mizuki freezes, which makes Ena clench her jaw, frustrated. She doesn’t like this. She doesn’t like this… distance, again. She hates it, she hates it, she hates it and she needs to fix it or she is going to lose her mind.
“E-eeh, Enanan, you’re greedy…”
Mizuki’s poor attempt at teasing her falls flat.
Ena lifts her head to pin Mizuki with her gaze.
“Kiss me,” she challenges, staring at Mizuki as the other girl desperately tries to avoid her eye, “or tell me why you won’t.”
────୨ৎ────
Ah, there it is. Mizuki has been waiting for this. So why isn’t she ready? Her hands are sweaty. Ena’s impossible brown eyes bore into her, and Mizuki feels herself drowning in them. They shatter all her defenses.
She sighs, defeated. She straightens up, so that she and Ena can sit cross-legged on the couch and face each other.
“Why do you think?” She asks, keenly aware of how dejected she sounds. She’s not avoiding Ena’s question, or trying to spin it back at her. She sees now, that Ena has figured it all out.
“It’s about s-sex, isn’t it?” Ena looks bashful - it clearly took her a lot of effort just to say the words out loud. But once again, she pushed herself in order to be honest and open with Mizuki. Ena is a good girlfriend. Unlike Mizuki.
Mizuki nods, looking away. She cannot look at Ena’s face anymore.
“You can talk to me,” Ena says oh-so kindly, and Mizuki’s heart shatters. I know, she thinks. I know that, and yet I can’t.
“I’m scared of sex,” she suddenly blurts out instead.
Ena blinks, clearly taken aback.
“Scared… huh?”
“I… I don’t think I want… Or…” Mizuki sighs, annoyed. “I’m just scared and I’m not ready, okay?”
It’s a lie. At least, for the most part. Sex in itself isn’t scary. And she does want to indulge in it with Ena. She very, very much does. But she’s too scared to… get there. Mizuki feels like she is standing at the edge of a precipice. The ground all around her is covered in snow and she’s cold and alone, and on the other side of the gaping chasm she can see Ena waving at her, smiling underneath a shower of cherry blossoms. Ena’s side looks inviting and safe and lovely and Mizuki aches to get there, but she has no idea how without falling into the abyss below and disappearing.
So yeah, saying she is scared is not that big a lie. That she isn’t ready? Also not really a lie. She’s kind of ready. Theoretically. Oh, so, so ready in theory. In practice? She’s not there. Though she wants to be. And in many ways she is. No, she actually is ready in practice, too. She would wish for nothing more than to indulge in her instincts and- ugh, this shouldn’t be this complicated!
“Oh,” Ena says, and Mizuki can tell she’s trying her best to mask her disappointment. Mizuki is about to tear her hair out in frustration.
“So you haven’t been kissing me because you’re scared… I might want to go further?” Ena ventures.
Not exactly, Mizuki thinks.
She nods.
“I see,” Ena replies, looking a bit ashamed and unhappy. Mizuki curses herself.
“Well, uhm… I promise I won’t try anything, so you… You can kiss me, if you want to. Unless,” Ena takes a shuddering breath, and delivers the next words as a death sentence (quite appropriately, in Mizuki’s opinion), “unless you don’t want to do that anymore, either.”
Mizuki panics and quickly shakes her head. “I… I want to. Of course I do. I want to kiss you all the time.”
Ena blushes deep red, and her breathing quickens. Mizuki’s heart catches in her throat at the sight, and she is overcome by the crushing need to close the distance between them till no gaps remain.
“Then do it, stupid. I have been waiting for over a week,” Ena mumbles, frowning a little.
If Mizuki isn’t careful, she is going to be eaten alive. “But I did kiss you on the couch today-”
“Ugh, shut up!”
Ena grabs Mizuki’s cheeks and smashes their mouths together, a bit forcefully. Mizuki lets out a surprised chuckle, but Ena seems to be determined to make up for a whole week of kisses, and keeps on moving her lips like she’s a drowning man who has finally been pulled out of the water. Mizuki feels similarly, to be honest.
At this point, Ena’s mouth feels like home. They have learnt how to move together, what the other likes and dislikes – Mizuki likes it when Ena nips at her lower lip, and Ena likes it when Mizuki kisses her deep and slow while cradling her face. They kiss for endless minutes. Without even noticing how or when it happened, Mizuki finds that they are suddenly in a new position: Ena is half-sitting, her feet planted on the floor and her neck resting on the back of the couch. Mizuki is straddling her, sitting on her thighs and holding her close. Ena’s fingers are digging so deeply into Mizuki’s hips that she’s sure she might get bruises. That’s always nice.
Mizuki’s hands are cupping Ena’s face – her thumbs rest on Ena’s cheekbones, her other fingers are curled around the back of Ena’s head, tangled in her soft hair. She guides Ena’s face to move with her own and she feels alive – she feels home, and safe, and loved, and fuck, she could get lost in this moment. She wishes this kiss would never end. But there’s heat pooling low in her abdomen and her mind is starting to lose its grip on reality. She’s seconds away from deciding to toss her fears to the wind and just see whether Ena hates her naked body or not, without agonizing over it in her head. Wait, that’s a good idea, how come Mizuki hasn’t thought of it?
“T-time-out,” Ena pants, trying to come up for air.
Mizuki’s head falls onto Ena’s shoulder. She can’t breathe. Everything feels like too much and too little at the same time – the warmth of Ena’s body, the way her chest is heaving against Mizuki’s, her damp breath against the side of Mizuki’s neck… Too much, not enough. Too much. Not enough.
Ena’s phone goes off and they both startle. Ena reaches for it, still holding on to Mizuki’s hip with one hand. Mizuki straightens up and fixes Ena’s hair – she made a mess of it.
“Oh,” Ena says, after clearing her throat, “It’s almost 25:00.”
Mizuki nods, feeling a bit out of it. Okay, not kissing Ena for a whole week had been a monumentally idiotic idea. One of her worst. She seems to always make the stupidest decisions, when she’s scared.
She should have talked to her from the beginning. She should do it now.
She cups Ena’s face once again, guiding her gaze towards her. Ena’s lips are red and glistening, her cheeks still retain the deep blush that always appears, without fail, whenever they kiss. It’s a different blush than usual – when Ena is embarrassed, her whole face reddens. But after Mizuki kisses her, it is only her cheekbones that are flushed deep crimson. She always looks so beautiful after a kiss, that Mizuki often loses her ability to speak.
“What?” Ena asks softly as her hands reach up to gently wrap around Mizuki’s wrists.
“I should… I should have talked to you. I’m sorry. And it wasn’t the full truth earlier – yes, I’m scared but I do… Ugh.” Mizuki snarls, annoyed at herself. She’s usually better at this. Ena waits patiently, not pressuring her to continue.
She takes a deep breath. “I think I need… I need to gather my thoughts better, about this topic. Sex is not off the table. I just need-”
“Some time?” Ena ventures, smiling kindly. “You forget, but I’m used to waiting for you. And it’s no big deal at all. I’ll always be here.”
Oh, Mizuki cannot fathom her. Ena cannot be a real person. Has Mizuki made her up in her brain? After all, what were the chances of Mizuki finding Ena’s art online all those years ago? Why did she feel so drawn to it? Why did it inspire her to create a video, why did it give her the courage to reach out to a stranger when she was at rock bottom, when she had finally given up on ever connecting with anyone?
The thought of Mizuki never coming across Ena’s art that night in middle school is terrifying. Would they have joined Niigo? Would she and Ena even still be alive? They both wanted to disappear, back then. It was only by joining Niigo that they had survived. All four of them did.
Mizuki thinks of all Ena has given her and feels utterly overwhelmed. Unable to contain her feelings, she lunges forward to hug her, hiding her face in her neck.
“I love you, more than you know.”
Ena’s hands gently rub her back. “I disagree.”
They work with Kanade and Mafuyu for a good couple of hours. Everything goes as usual, except for the fact that Mizuki only brought her laptop with her and it cannot handle heavy editing. She gives up in frustration after the third time her program crashes, and she and Ena end up continuing on the bed. Mizuki is sitting up, her back propped up against the bedframe, and Ena is sitting between her legs, just like earlier this afternoon. In front of Ena is Mizuki’s laptop, with Nightcord open. Mizuki happily chats with Kanade and Mafuyu, her chin propped up on Ena’s shoulder, so that she can see the screen of Ena’s tablet, where she’s sketching out some ideas based on the new demo Kanade just sent.
Mizuki loves watching Ena’s hands fly over the screen. They move with the confidence and dexterity typical of those who have practiced a skill with such consistency and diligence, that it has become second nature. Mizuki can read the countless hours Ena has spent holding a brush or a pencil just from her movements, which so clearly stem from muscle memory. Ena’s love for creating art is evident in every stroke – despite the wrinkle between her eyebrows and the way she keeps pursing her lips and furiously erasing every other line, her love shines through.
Not for the first time, Mizuki feels her mouth fill with a bitter taste at the thought of Ena’s father – he almost took this away from her. Anyone who loves Ena should be able to tell that there is no Ena without art, and trying to kill her passion would be akin to killing Ena herself.
Mizuki’s arms instinctively wrap around Ena’s waist, holding her tightly to herself. Ena shoots her a slightly confused look, and Mizuki shakes her head slightly. Nothing, she mouths, lest she be overheard by Kanade and Mafuyu.
Ena furrows her brow, unconvinced.
“Yuki, K, we’re leaving for a second,” She says quickly, and exits the voice chat without waiting for an answer.
Mizuki sighs. Ena always worries so much. Too much.
“What’s wrong?” She immediately asks, turning around so she can face Mizuki properly.
“Just… watching you draw.”
Ena tilts her head, and Mizuki is reminded of a confused dog.
“Explain better,” Ena demands, a determined look on her face.
“I was just thinking that I really love your art and watching you draw, and I could really tell how much drawing means to you and I felt a bit… emotional about it, I guess. I told you it was nothing.”
Ena is blushing slightly, and Mizuki cannot tell why.
“Idiot,” Ena murmurs, looking down at her hands, “You worried me for nothing.”
Mizuki rolls her eyes, unable to contain her smile.
“You always worry too much about me.”
In a heartbeat, Ena’s features harden, and her whole face becomes an angry mask. The sudden switch in mood makes Mizuki physically recoil.
“Well, I have to worry, don’t I? Because, once again, you shut me out!”
Mizuki swallows thickly. She can feel her heart beating through her body. The force of Ena’s voice makes the silence that follows seem even heavier, pregnant with uncertainty, guilt, the unsaid.
“I told you I might get scared again,” Mizuki breathes, her voice shaky, foreign even to her ears. She feels detached by everything that is happening.
Ena claws at the duvet, and Mizuki stares at her hands, her white knuckles, the tautness of the fabric. She cannot breathe. She and Ena don’t fight. Not really, anyway, not ever.
Mizuki is afraid. She’s not good at confrontation. All her instincts are pushing her to either run as far away as possible from this unbearable situation, or to try and calm Ena down and dispel the tension, somehow. Neither of these two options are possible, right now. And Mizuki is going to suffocate.
“I know you did,” Ena says, anger seeping through her words, despite the fact that she is so very clearly trying to keep her tone even, “And I have been ready for it. That’s why I didn’t say anything, till tonight. I know you. You think I don’t, you think I’m clueless, but I know you. And I love you, and it just…”
Mizuki does not dare look up as Ena makes a displeased, frustrated noise and halts her speech.
“It’s just all too recent, I guess. I have been worried about you, scared you’d leave me behind ever since that mystery tour. I got used to being worried about you, and then to waiting for you. And then I lost you and- will you look at me?”
Mizuki startles and instinctively looks up, despite not wanting to. Ena’s eyes are flaming, but she doesn’t look angry.
She looks desperate.
“I lost you. I thought I’d never see you again. I love you so much and I’ll never let go of you and I don’t blame you for any of it. I trust you. But you can’t do this to me. Please. I want you to talk to me. And if you can’t, at least let me know. I won’t press, I’ll give you space. But don’t lie and say it’s nothing and hide things from me!”
Mizuki nods. Her eyes are burning, and her throat aches with the effort of holding back tears.
“I’m sorry,” she chokes out, and once the words are pushed past her lips, so do her tears finally spill from her eyes. Ena immediately looks apologetic, her own eyes growing shinier as tears pool in them.
“You don’t have to… I didn’t mean to… I understand.”
“It’s not that I didn’t trust you.”
“I know.”
“It was… automatic. I didn’t even think about it.”
“I know.”
“I’m just so used to-”
Mizuki’s next words are muffled by Ena’s palm, lightly pressing against her mouth.
“I know,” Ena says again, with finality this time.
“I’m sorry I made you cry. I don’t want you to cry because of me,” Ena whispers. She lightly presses her forehead against Mizuki’s.
“I know this is just… force of habit, for you. But I still needed to say something.”
Mizuki understands. The guilt in her chest starts easing up.
“You’re sure you don’t resent me?”
Ena lifts her head, and fixes her with a serious and resolute gaze. “Never. Never have, never will. I know you.” She presses her palm flat against Mizuki’s sternum. “I know you,” she repeats confidently, nodding to herself.
Mizuki leans forward and kisses her. Ever since their first kiss, it has been impossible for Mizuki not to kiss Ena when she feels like this. Like love is ripping her apart. Ena sighs as she hugs Mizuki’s neck, holding her close. Mizuki’s splays both her hands on Ena’s back, pulling her even closer. Ena is on her knees, now, and she’s towering over Mizuki, who has to tip her head up towards the ceiling to keep on kissing her.
“You’re stupid,” Ena murmurs in between kisses, “a stupid… idiot…”
Ena lightly holds Mizuki’s lower lip between her teeth as she says calls Mizuki an idiot one last time. Mizuki is starting to feel dizzy. Usually, she’s the one in control of their kisses. She’s the one who initiates most of them, and the one who dictates the pace. Ena, always so embarrassed and unsure about such matters, typically follows her pace. So, even in the rare occasions where it’s Ena who leans in first, she still lets Mizuki take the lead.
Right now, Mizuki has no control over this kiss. And instead of feeling scared, Mizuki is getting lost in it. There is something so freeing in giving Ena the reins. Trusting that Ena will guide her, like the compass she is. Mizuki will follow her like a sailor follows the North Star.
All too suddenly, Ena places her hands on her shoulders and lightly pushes her away.
“One second,” she says, and Mizuki looks right through her, almost without seeing her. She feels like she has just gotten off a rollercoaster ride and has lost her balance.
Mizuki closes her eyes, unable to keep on watching the room spin around her. She hears the frantic sound of Ena typing on her laptop keyboard. She hears the laptop lid closing shut. Ena’s lips are on hers mere seconds later. “Sorry, I had to log off Nightcord,” Ena says, punctuating every word with a peck. “It’s not like we’re working and it’s late…”
Ena is once again the one in control of the kiss, and soon she’s straddling Mizuki’s waist and kissing her so deeply it tugs at Mizuki’s heart. Her hands claw at the sheets as Ena works her mouth for endless minutes. Ena’s hands feel warm as they cradle her jaw, her breath in Mizuki’s mouth tastes of the candy she was just eating while drawing. Ena is kissing her as if she’s trying to make a point – and Mizuki is not really sure what.
Slowly, one of Ena’s hands slides down from her nape, traveling until it is almost on her chest. Ena quickly stops kissing her and retracts her hand, as if scalded.
“Sorry,” she says, “I… I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable, you said you’re scared- I wasn't thinking.”
Ah, Mizuki wants this. She takes ahold of Ena’s wrist and slowly guides her hand back where it originally intended to go. Her stomach drops. She’s really doing this. She keeps her eyes on Ena, who is breathing a bit heavy, her lips parted and her eyes open wide as she stares at her own hand being placed on Mizuki’s chest.
Mizuki knows there’s not that much to touch – she started taking E less than a year ago, and she’s still waiting for her chest size to grow a bit more.
Ena’s breath stutters. She runs her thumb over Mizuki’s breast, making her hiss. Mizuki watches in real time as Ena’s pupils dilate ever so slightly.
“So… is it okay if I touch you?” Ena asks, insecure yet eager. “You can stop me at any time,” she quickly adds.
Mizuki nods. Ena’s hands slip under her pajamas shirt, and start skating on the planes of her abdomen, her sides, her back. It’s so overwhelming, Mizuki keeps flinching away. Every time she does, Ena looks at her with an expression Mizuki has never seen her make.
Mizuki feels herself falling into the chasm between them.
────୨ৎ────
Mizuki is soft, softer than Ena imagined. Her skin is silky smooth and hot under her fingertips – like she has a fever. Ena needs to see more. She grabs the hem of Mizuki’s shirt and takes a deep breath.
“Can I…?” She breathes, hating how much her voice is shaking. Mizuki nods slowly, looking a bit bashful. A red flush is spreading on her neck and cheeks, and she won’t meet Ena’s gaze.
Ena lifts Mizuki’s shirt slowly, to give her time to stop her if she changes her mind. She doesn’t. Instead, she raises her arms above her head, to grant Ena full access. Ena feels a shiver run down her spine as the shirt comes off. She distractedly discards it off the bed, unable to tear her gaze away from Mizuki. Her pale skin is peppered with red splotches, and Ena can make out her ribcage, rising and falling as it follows the rhythm of Mizuki’s shallow, anxious breaths. Mizuki is wearing a triangle bra, made with thin, pink fabric that leaves too little to the imagination.
“It’s embarrassing, if it’s just me,” Mizuki says. There’s the smallest hint of her usual teasing tone in there, but it’s being obfuscated almost completely by her desire, hanging thick and heavy to every word.
Ena has a full-body shiver. This might be too much, after all. She knows she won’t take her shirt off herself, so she meekly raises her arms, looking away. Mizuki pulls it off so slowly it’s maddening, and by the time her shirt is off, Ena is just glad the stripping part is over. And that she still hadn’t taken off her bra to go to sleep. Ena doesn’t dare look as Mizuki’s hands settle around her ribcage, her thumbs and index fingers resting right below her bra.
Ena’s head is pounding, her body feels taut. She wants to touch more, so she does. She opens her eyes and leans slightly forward, placing her hand on Mizuki’s hip. As soon as Mizuki feels her touch, she inhales sharply and closes her eyes.
Ena splays her other hand on Mizuki’s sternum, and feels the girl’s heart hammering strong and fast against her palm. It’s near-maddening. She gently pushes her down, and Mizuki lets herself fall onto the bed. She looks… beautiful. Ena knows she must be staring a bit too intensely, because Mizuki bashfully looks away and then her arms come up to cover her red face. Ena straddles her waist and presses a chaste kiss to her sternum. She gently takes hold of Mizuki’s slender wrists, so that she can see her face. Mizuki looks like she’s coming undone, and Ena cannot breathe.
“You’re the most beautiful girl I have ever seen,” Ena chokes out, because it’s true, and because her chest felt like it was going to implode if she didn’t say anything. She didn’t expect for Mizuki’s breath to stutter, and watches in horror as Mizuki’s eyes fill with tears and she starts crying. Again.
“What’s wrong?” Ena’s voice comes out slightly panicked, as she frantically wipes the tears off Mizuki’s face with her hands. Mizuki grabs her wrists, to halt her motions, and shakes her head, still crying.
“I-I’m sorry,” Mizuki sobs, hiding her face in Ena’s palm, still holding onto her wrists.
“Wh-why would you be sorry? For crying?” Ena asks incredulously, and Mizuki nods, burrowing her face even deeper into Ena’s palm, her grip growing stronger on Ena’s wrists.
“You can cry in front of me,” Ena says, trying to be reassuring, but that only makes Mizuki try to hide even more. She listens to Mizuki’s quiet sobs as she replays the last few seconds in her brain. She took Mizuki’s shirt off, and she seemed to not hate it. She pushed Mizuki down and straddled her waist and touched her hip and that also seemed to have been fine with Mizuki. Then, she said- Oh.
Silly Mizuki, Ena thinks smiling fondly at the girl weeping underneath her. Something is finally beginning to click for Ena, and she’s starting to see why Mizuki is tentative about them getting intimate, even though she so clearly wants to, probably as much as Ena.
“We don’t need to do anything tonight if it’s too much, don’t worry,” Ena whispers, feeling love bloom in her chest, warm and cozy and all-encompassing. She bends forward to kiss Mizuki’s temple. “I love you,” she says in the quietest of whispers right against the shell of Mizuki’s ear. Mizuki stops crying and lets go of Ena’s wrists so that her arms can envelop her. Ena lets herself be hugged in that slightly awkward position, and waits patiently until Mizuki’s breath becomes even again, and she isn’t shaking anymore.
“I’m sorry,” Mizuki rasps out in a broken little voice that nearly breaks Ena’s heart.
“Mizuki,” Ena is deeply aware of how gentle and loving her own voice sounds, yet feels no embarrassment whatsoever. She’s glad if her voice can convey even a fraction of that intense kaleidoscope of pure love that swirls around her chest, making it hard to even take a full breath. “Look at me.”
Ena straightens up, still straddling Mizuki’s hips, and Mizuki tentatively looks up, even lifting herself up on her forearms. Ena reaches out with her hands, gently brushing Mizuki’s hair out of her face and tucking it behind her ears. She traces the outline of Mizuki’s cheeks and cups her face, idly swiping her thumbs on Mizuki’s cheekbones. Mizuki instinctively leans into the touch, her eyelids fluttering close, and Ena’s heart stutters in her chest.
“It’s okay. We’re good.”
Mizuki nods, still keeping her eyes closed.
“I’m sorry I cried again.”
Ena sighs. “Mizuki. Open your eyes. Do you really think I’d be in my underwear for just anyone?”
Mizuki blinks her eyes open and furrows her brow. “What does that have to do wit-”
“Sex is embarrassing, okay!” God, even just saying the word makes Ena want to be swallowed whole.
Mizuki looks utterly confused, which isn’t typically how things go between them. Ena explains things, often even a bit badly, and Mizuki understands everything anyway with her annoyingly quick wit.
Ena grits her teeth.
“This… stuff is embarrassing, to me. And do you really think I could be here like this,” Ena gestures vaguely at her undressed body, suddenly starting to feel self-conscious now that she is pointing it out, “if it weren’t for the fact that I trust you? I told you already, I trust you so much, and I-” Ena chokes on her following words. She closes her eyes. “I’m attracted to you, okay? I like your body and I like your face and you must be an idiot if you think- sorry, I mean…” Ena groans, frustrated. That wasn’t the point she was trying to make. She keeps her eyes closed. “You’re my girlfriend. And you don’t need to apologize for crying in front of me. You can be vulnerable with me because I love you and I would never hurt you and I know you feel the same so I can also be vulnerable with you… you know?”
Ena knows she did a bad job of explaining her feelings. She deflates, and finally opens her eyes again. She meets Mizuki’s shiny eyes and the breath gets knocked out of her. Mizuki is looking at her with unabashed adoration, like she holds the sun.
“You…” Mizuki breathes. Her eyes fill with tears again. “How are you real…” As soon as the words slip out of her mouth, Mizuki bites her lower lip. She clearly did not mean to say that.
Ena feels as though she is bursting at the seams. Love is terrifying.
Her forehead falls against Mizuki’s. “You’re killing me…” She complains without bite, shaking her head lightly. She inhales deeply and sits up again.
“Alright, come on, let’s get into our pajamas again. You can have the bed, I’ll take the futon.”
Ena kisses Mizuki’s cheek and stands up, trying to get rid of the energy buzzing through her body like a live current. She slips back into her shirt, keenly aware that Mizuki is kind of staring.
“Pull the night curtains?” She asks Mizuki before she flips the light switch off. She walks back to the futon on unsteady feet, blind as a bat. Before she can lie down on it, Mizuki flaps her arm around aimlessly until she finds Ena’s wrist. She lightly tugs until Ena gets the hint.
“Are you sure?” Ena asks, and Mizuki tugs harder. Ena climbs back onto her own bed, her heart hammering in her chest. Mizuki scoots over, making space for Ena. She hesitates, not knowing exactly how to lie down – facing Mizuki? Away from her? On her back? Or-
Mizuki either reads her mind or she already had a plan of her own, and maneuvers Ena around until they are both in a fetal position, Ena spooning Mizuki, her left arm flung across Mizuki’s waist, her left hand caught between Mizuki’s own. Ena shuffles a bit to get more comfortable, her arm snaking under the shared pillow. Mizuki momentarily raises her head slightly so that when she lies down again, the crook of her neck slots together perfectly with Ena’s arm. Ena automatically presses Mizuki closer to her, breathing in her natural scent, now mixed with the caramel notes of Ena’s own shampoo. It’s almost too much. How is she supposed to sleep like this?
“Gah!” She suddenly yelps, when one of Mizuki’s cold feet brushes against her ankle.
“Are you a freaking corpse?” She complains, her voice high-pitched. She feels Mizuki’s laughter through her own body, pressed together as they are.
“Enaaa, my feet are cold,” Mizuki whines playfully, like a child, and tries to brush her foot against Ena’s leg once more.
“Don’t you dare!”
“Please warm my cold feet, Ena… I’m pouting, if you can’t tell.”
“Oh, trust me I can tell,” Ena bites out.
“Enaaa,” Mizuki whines again, and she starts to chatter her teeth as though she is in a snowstorm or something. “I’m gonna f-freeze to death…”
Ena scoffs. “Well, go on then, freeze me to death.”
Mizuki promptly shoves her feet (cold as ice cubes, no really, is Mizuki okay?) between Ena’s knees, and Ena forces herself not to jump away.
“The things I do for you, I swear,” Ena grumbles, hugging Mizuki closer so that at least the rest of her body can feel some warmth.
Mizuki kisses the palm of her left hand.
“I love you, Ena,” she whispers. Ena burrows her face against Mizuki’s back, simply breathing her in.
“I love you, too. Now sleep.”
Mizuki kisses Ena’s palm again, then the inside of her wrist. Her lips are soft on Ena’s skin, and she fights back against the heat that is starting to hum low in her abdomen.
“ ‘Night,” Mizuki whispers, her breath hot and humid against Ena’s hand. Ena instinctively kisses the patch of exposed skin in front of her, near the top of Mizuki’s spine. She feels Mizuki’s skin erupt into goosebumps, and bites back a gasp. Her body demands more closeness. Which is ridiculous – there is quite literally not a single inch of Ena’s body that isn’t touching Mizuki, except for her back. She is pressed to her from head to toe, basically. Mizuki fits perfectly in the curve of her body, her back slotted like a puzzle piece against Ena’s chest, the curve of her hips resting on Ena’s thighs.
Ena bites the inside of her cheek and takes a deep breath. It’s time to sleep. She tries to match Mizuki’s even breathing, and gets lost in the rhythm of it. It’s almost hypnotic, as though the two of them have become one body, simply breathing in and out in tandem.
That’s almost close enough, Ena’s sleepy brain thinks.
She falls asleep with her forehead resting on Mizuki’s spine, Mizuki’s (now slightly warmer) feet sandwiched between her legs, and the most beautiful girl in her arms.