Chapter Text
“What is the matter with you?”
Steve turned around to look at Danny, who was sitting on his hospital bed, that perpetual frown that seemed to have been on his face ever since Steve had woken up firmly in place. “Excuse me?”
“Why are you doing that?” Danny asked, nodding at the bed.
Steve looked down at the duffle bag, partly filled with his things that had gathered in the room over the weeks, the rest of them on the bed waiting to be added. “Because we’re leaving and I need my stuff?”
“No, I mean why you? You shouldn’t be packing.”
Again with the nagging. Steve took a deep breath, or as deep as he could before he had to wince at the pull on his stitches. “You want to do my packing for me?”
“No, see, I do not. Because I am sitting here waiting for the orderly to come help, as I was instructed.” Danny’s frown was epic now. “You, on the other hand, ignored the order not to lift anything and to wait for help and have probably pissed off my liver to no end.”
And there he went, calling it ‘his’ liver again. Steve was pretty sure that once it was in his body, attached to the rest of his internal organs, it was officially his. But not to Danny. No. “Trust me, if it’s your liver, it was born pissed off.”
Danny muttered a few things under his breath. Steve was sure he caught the words ‘ingrate’ and ‘ass’ but he ignored it, because what was the point in another fight? He didn’t ask Danny for the liver, and it wasn’t like he could give it back.
“Commander, what are you doing?” Steve heard the nurse before he turned to see her, wincing as the stitches caught again. “You were supposed to wait for Ross to help.”
“It’s fine,” Steve said, sitting down carefully on the side of the bed. “I’m done anyway.”
She raised an eyebrow before turning a smile on Danny. “You’d think I’d get used to these guys not listening, working in a military hospital.”
“Trust me, he’d do the same thing in any hospital.”
“Well, at least one of you has some sense,” she said, picking up Danny’s bag and starting to put things in it. “Ross is tied up, and since the Commander,” she shot a look at Steve, “couldn’t wait, I’ll take care of your stuff so you guys can get out of here.”
Danny laughed. “You just want to be rid of him,” he said, nodding at Steve.
Before she could reply, Dr. Cornett walked in. “Everybody in here ready to go home?” he asked.
“You have no idea,” Danny said.
Cornett looked at each of their charts before signing the bottom. “You’re all set,” he said. “Please do not forget the post op instructions.” He focused on Steve, who did his best to look attentive lest someone force him to stay another night. “We went over them in detail with diagrams and dire warnings for a reason—mainly because we don’t want to see either of you back here again for a while.”
“That makes two of us,” Steve said.
“That said, if there is any sign of a problem, we want to see you back here as fast as you can get here. Is that understood?” Cornett waited until they’d both nodded. “Good. Go home, take care of yourselves, and take it easy.”
Danny at least had the good sense to wait until Cornett walked out before he said, “Take it easy? It’s like he doesn’t even know you.”
Steve rolled his eyes. “I am going to take it easy, Danny. In fact, I’ll even submit to the wheelchair without a fight if it gets me away from this place.”
“Yeah, right, you’re just submitting to the wheelchair because you know I’d make it out of here before you if I took it and you didn’t, and you can’t stand that thought.”
“Please, I would beat you out of here in a wheelchair and we both know it.”
Danny raised his eyebrows. “Oh really? You want to bet on it?”
***
Steve tugged at the seatbelt as he turned on the car, trying to find an angle where it didn’t hurt too much. The stitches had been stinging a little after he’d packed, but after he’d fallen out of the wheelchair, they were a constant burn on his chest, like an itch he knew better than to scratch because it would hurt like hell.
Still, it felt good to be in control. Driving the car, on a case, like everything was normal again. Everything except that need for medicine to keep him from ending up right back in the hospital again.
He waited until they’d finished their call with Eric to take the meds, though. He’d thought it would make Danny happy to see him actually doing it, but of course, Danny being Danny, nothing made him happy about this.
“What are you doing?” Danny asked
Because that wasn’t obvious? “I’m taking my meds.”
“I don’t know why you’re gonna bother doing that you’re not gonna follow any of the other post op instructions.”
“Oh, I’m sorry,” Steve said. “I’m not gonna pull over and take a nap right now.”
“Yeah, you know, ‘Five-0 Task Force.’ Force being the operative word. It means we have the man power to take care of certain situations if you gotta sit on the sidelines.”
He’d been sitting on the sidelines for weeks, and now Danny wanted to bench him again? Fat chance. “You wanna sit this one out? It’s okay, you know that, right? It’s not a problem.”
“No, no. See, I’m not the person who almost died, okay? That was you. And you heard what the doctor said. You are still in the evaluation period. That’s 2-3 months. You’re not supposed to even be driving a car. You’re not supposed to operate any machinery. “
Which…true. Still, Steve wasn’t going off like some invalid. “That’s a suggestion,” he said. “They make suggestions.” Suggestions that came with dire warnings, but so did a cup of McDonald’s coffee.
“Oh yeah? Let me tell you something. If your body rejects my liver because you’re not taking this seriously, I am gonna be very upset.”
There he went with the ‘my liver’ thing again. Clara had said Danny didn’t like to share; clearly she was right. “You’re gonna be upset if it takes it or not,” Steve said.
“Six hours,” Danny said. “Six hours I laid on an operating table while a team of doctors picked at my insides and took out a vital organ to give to you. Be grateful. Don’t be ungrateful.”
Of course, it came back to the gratitude he’d been harping on for weeks. Like Steve would rather be dead? “Here we go.”
“Here we go? What does that mean, here we go?”
“This is donor’s remorse.” That was a thing, right? Steve was sure he’d heard about it.
“Donor’s remorse?”
“This is classic donor’s remorse.”
“What are you talking about? I’m just saying show some respect. Have some genuine respect for my liver and follow the rules, that’s all.
My liver. Steve was really sick of those words. That liver was in his body, his blood pumping through hit, keeping his body from shutting down completely. That made it his. “Let me tell you something, all right? Possession is nine-tenths of the law, okay, buddy? Now since your liver is in my body, you got no say in how I treat it. How about that?”
“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard in my entire life. I don’t think that goes for organ donations, okay? I don’t think it applies. But if it does, I think that we should change the law. In the meantime, I’d like my liver back, please!”
Steve slammed on the brakes, wincing as the seatbelt pressed harder against his stitches.
Danny looked around. “What are you doing?”
“We’re switching places.” Steve said. He got out of the car and rounded the front. Danny got out of the car, but stayed put right beside his seat. “Let’s go,” Steve said.
“You’re gonna let me drive?”
Let was a very loose term, given all the nagging that had led to this. “No, I’m gonna shut you up is what I’m gonna do. Let’s go.”
“I can’t drive.”
Since when? “What?”
“I can’t drive,” Danny repeated
“You can’t drive?”
Danny shook his head. “Nope.”
“All these years,” Steve said, “you’re onto me about driving and now you say no?”
“Nope. Doctor said I can’t drive for about a week.”
Of course. Shove his adherence to the rules in Steve’s face. Nice. “Ah, okay, I guess we just backburner this case until then.”
“That’s obviously not an option.”
“Very good.” At least Danny had figured that much out. “What do you suggest we do?”
Danny thought for a moment. “Chin’s riding with Kono. Maybe he can drive us.”
Steve counted to ten. “Instead of either one of us perfectly capable adults driving the car, you want to call Chin and have Kono bring him over here to drive us around,” he said slowly. “That’s what would make you happy?”
Danny nodded. “That’s what would make me happy.”
Somehow Steve doubted anything would make Danny happy right now, but fine. If that was what it took to get the nagging about ‘my liver’ to stop, then so be it.
***
Chasing a suspect was nothing new, but having to work quite so hard to keep up was. Steve rounded the corner, not losing sight of Shaw, but not exactly gaining any ground either. Of course they’d have to find the one suspect who was like Super Mario on speed.
His stitches burned, sweat like mild acid as it ran through the incision, but he kept running, doing his best to keep up right until he took a jump and rolled, just the way he always had.
Pain seared through his incision, making it impossible to roll to his feet as he always had before. He looked down to see blood on the front of his shirt and knew he had to give up. He told the team he’d lost Shaw and rolled onto his side, curling around himself as if he could protect the wound.
When he heard footsteps, he forced himself to get up. When he saw Danny’s face, he considered lying back down again. “I’m fine,” Steve said.
Danny’s jaw looked tight enough to turn coal into diamonds. “Yeah, I’ve seen that fine,” Danny said, nodding at Steve’s chest. “Last time you looked anywhere near that ‘fine’ I ended up giving you half my liver. Which,” Danny said, pausing for a deep breath, “you clearly don’t care about.”
“Yes, I do, Danny.” Steve took a breath, focusing on not making it too deep and making things worse. “What was I supposed to do, let the guy get away?”
“You could’ve let our healthy team members chase him down.”
“There was no one else in the room. I had to keep him in sight.”
Danny opened his mouth, then closed it again. “You know what?” he said. “I’m not doing this. There are a couple of ambulances on their way. Maybe you’ll get lucky and one of them will have a shrink, too. Come on.”
He turned and walked off, leaving Steve to follow.
***
Once Danny saw that Steve was actually letting the EMT take a look, he went off to check on the girl Shaw had held captive. Steve couldn’t help looking at the hotel as the EMT did his work. He should be in there finding Shaw before he could get away, not stuck here dealing with a few popped stitches.
He’d just finished getting bandaged up when Danny showed up with a shirt. He’d barely answered Steve’s question about the girl before trying to get Steve to go to the hospital.
“I’m fine,” Steve said.
“You’re fine? That’s good, I’m gonna put that on your tombstone. ‘He said he was fine. He was wrong.’ What’s the matter with you?”
The only thing Steve needed less than to have this conversation again was to have it in front of the EMT who’d already seen the mess that was Steve’s stomach and abdomen. “Would you do me a favor,” Steve asked the man, “and give us a second?”
The EMT nodded and walked off, leaving Steve to figure out what to say. Because he might, maybe, if he squinted, see Danny’s point. Clearly Steve wasn’t at the top of his game. He’d busted his stitches open and it hurt like hell. He hadn’t been this sore since the end of the first week of BUD/s. And somewhere inside a little voice that sounded far too much like Danny was screaming at him to go home and go to bed.
But he was a SEAL. That wasn’t what he did. Danny needed to understand that. Steve couldn’t stop being who he was just because Danny had given him a liver. It didn’t mean he didn’t appreciate it. Obviously he did, even though he hadn’t really let himself think about it too much.
Somehow, though, it made it that much more important to get out here and do his job. To be normal. To show himself and everyone else that nothing had changed.
The best legacy a man can leave behind is the people whose lives he’s changed.
The old man’s words in the chapel came back to him. Steve liked to think he had helped change Danny’s life a little. Danny had sure enough changed his, especially recently. And Danny had almost watched him die.
Okay, maybe he didn’t have to squint to see Danny’s point. Still.
“I love you,” Steve said, because he didn’t have any other words for this. Hadn’t really had those before Danny.
“I love you, too,” Danny said, as matter of fact as ‘the sky is blue’ because it was obvious by now. Even before the gift of half his liver.
“Okay, then, give me a break, would you give me a break?” Steve said. Because Danny should love him enough to understand.
Danny nodded, that nod that said he was in no way agreeing with anything. Steve hated that nod. “All right,” Danny said. “I’ll step aside and watch while you get yourself killed. Is that what you want?”
“I’m not trying to get myself killed.”
“No?”
“No.”
“Are you sure? Because it’s a relief, because it seems like for the last five or six years that’s been your goal.”
Seriously? “Again, I think you’re being a little over-dramatic.”
“Okay.” Danny patted him on the shoulder. “You know what, forget about it. Good luck.”
He walked off, leaving Steve to call after him. “Wait, Danny.”
“Wait for what?”
Steve turned a little too far, the incision burning a little hotter as he took a breath. Danny’s constant reminders of his gift, of how it was his liver, went through Steve’s mind again, this time with the clarity of how he’d just nearly spilled Danny’s liver onto a rooftop about five seconds after getting out of the hospital.
Maybe he wasn’t the most grateful person when you looked at it like that.
He looked at Danny, who was another couple seconds of silence from walking away. “Thank you,” Steve said.
It was worth the admission for the way the tension seemed to disappear out of Danny’s body. “You’re welcome.”
He could be okay with this gift. It would just take a little getting used to, much like having to take pills and not drink and the other instructions he’d received, at least within reason. He wasn’t going to give up who he was, and the job was part of that.
Of course, Danny being Danny, he wasn’t exactly going to give up trying to make him.
“Where’s my vest,” Steve asked.
“What do you mean where’s your vest?” Danny replied. “Where are you going?”
And here we go again. “Where am I going? I’m going across the street for a cappuccino. What do you think?”
“What about the talk we just had?”
“It was a very nice talk. I meant everything I said. I didn’t say I was gonna stand down.” Danny loved him. He should understand this—why was it so hard to understand?
“You’re an idiot. I’m done.”
Apparently Danny’s insanity was catching, because the rest of his team started trying to talk Steve out of doing his job as well. Danny at least understood Steve well enough to tell them it was no use. “He’s determined to have my noble sacrifice be in vain.” Steve’s eye roll didn’t help. “Don’t give me that look,” Danny said. “That’s good. You know what? You need anybody else’s organs, talk to Chin. Because I’m done.”
Steve kept walking.
***
Of course Shaw tried to outrun them—Steve expected nothing less. He managed to keep up all the way up onto the roof. He knew what was about to happen, was already mentally calculating the jump to follow.
“Steve, don’t do it!”
Something in Danny’s voice made Steve skid to a stop. He watched as Shaw flew through the air and caught the ledge on the other side, saw the struggle a second before he lost the battle and fell. Steve couldn’t look away, everything almost slow motion as Shaw dropped through the air before he finally landed on the concrete in a broken heap.
He’d caught a glimpse of Shaw’s face, knew the feeling he saw there, that last ‘this is it’ thought before you stop breathing, everything goes dark, and that’s it.
Except for Steve it hadn’t been.
Of course, it was hard to convince his nightmares of that, but they’d fade in time. They had to, or he didn’t know how many more times he’d be able to watch someone die like that and not feel like his heart was going to stop.
He looked at Danny, who was smiling despite everything. Then again, his call for Steve not to jump was what had stopped him from likely joining Shaw in the bloody pile below, so maybe he had a little reason to be smug.
Not that Steve would admit it.
The image of Shaw falling replayed itself over and over as they went back down in the elevator, occasionally mixing in with sounds fading in and out in a plane as Steve struggled to stay conscious. He shook it off as they reached the exit. He turned to see his team right behind him, satisfied they’d done their job, their sense of purpose as sure as ever.
He looked at Danny, who didn’t want him to stop being Steve. Who didn’t care that it was his liver inside Steve so much as he did that Steve keep on breathing, since that’s why he gave it in the first place.
Who hadn’t nagged once on the way down that Steve had gone after the guy, only because Steve had pulled up when it counted.
Maybe he could do this.
Kono’s suggestion of beers sounded fantastic. Too bad he couldn’t have them. He liked the idea of wings with his family, too, but he was sore. And exhausted. And his incision hurt like hell.
“Tell you what,” Steve said. “You guys have at it. I’m gonna head home.” Danny looked surprised, but approving. “I’ve broken pretty much every post op rule there is to break. I think I’m gonna go rest up a little bit, you know? Might even take a couple days off.”
Danny definitely approved—he was even smiling. Steve tapped him on the shoulder and headed for the car, the memory of that smile working to keep the darker images at bay, at least for now.
***