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Difficult would definitely be the wrong word to describe the events which have occurred over the last few days.
In a profession such as the one they've chosen, there are often days which are long, hard and exhausting. Not just physically either. The demands of the job are often emotionally and mentally taxing too. Normal and to be expected in this line of work. Nine times out of ten, shifts won't be easy and that's okay. This is what they sign up for. Because despite the heavy toll it can take, the work nonetheless of circumstances always proves rewarding. They help where they can and save lives when possible. They run toward the danger whilst helping others flee to safety.
The responsibility one each member signed up for. What they trained for. What they choose to do.
That's the thing about choice. There's a beauty to it but also ugliness. Not always do you get one. Life is funny that way.
Once you reach a certain age, choices become your own. The size of that choice doesn't matter, big or small, they belong to you. Often, the choices made carry weight. Important choices. Choices that can influence those around you but more importantly, those choices shape your life. Who your friends are. How you treat people. What car you drive. When the decision is made to cheat on a girlfriend. The places you decide to visit whilst travelling. How you offer help to an older lady carry shopping to her car without thought or pause. When you punch a guy in the face for being disrespectful. What job to apply for. Where you live. Everyday choices are made and sometimes those choices are too often made without thought. Impulse can be a powerful thing. Sometimes good, definitely bad. The one thing people don't talk about often enough is the choice we don't really have much say in.
The most important one of all.
Family.
We don't get to choose our family, the one we are born into. That decision is made for us.
Which is why the last few days have been so difficult. Why the days have been filled with tension that proves impossible to outrun. Why there's so much anger simmering beneath the surface and why decades old sadness weighs heavy upon shoulders. A familiar burden unable to be offloaded.
Just because it's familiar doesn't make dealing with it any easier, if anything, that just makes the entire situation worse. Because there's expectations there and none of them good
This time, the difficulty does not stem from a chosen profession or a life decision made, but from the one the kid had no input whatsoever in making. This time, it's personal. Deeply personal. A layered issue that goes back to the very beginning, to before the kid was even born.
And for Bobby, it proved even more difficult to stand by and watch everything unfold.
Once upon a time a few years ago when he'd first arrived in Los Angeles, and in the months afterward, Bobby had tried his hardest to keep everyone at arms length. He didn't want friendship or connection and he definitely didn't want a reckless kid who called him Pops to casually break down every single goddamn wall so carefully constructed and invite himself inside. As if the kid breaching the walls wasnt enough, for good measure, he dragged Hen and Chimney inside too. He hadn't wanted any part of it. Absolutely not. There was a simple plan in place to atone and that plan certainly didn't include a Springsteen concert and a dumbass kid making reckless decisions. Of course, he'd tried. Tried to set boundaries and tried to be the no nonsense Captain everyone at first expected him to be. The man he tried to portray himself to be. Lied straight through his teeth and said this wasn't a clubhouse and it certainly wasn't a family. Lie after life because to put it simply, it was. Somehow, despite this firehouse being a place for misfit toys cast aside and despite his initial intentions of standing firm on his plan, Bobby created a family and a very big part of that family was Buck.
Over the years, it hasn't always been easy. The family built within the walls of the 118 have been through some of the hardest experiences people could endured, even as first responders. Any other foundation would have crumbled but they didn't. Instead their found family grew stronger because they stuck together, because they fought for each other and they supported one another. Why? Because that's what family does.
Or at least, that's what a family is supposed to do. Unfortunately, for some people, life doesn't always work out that way.
And this week, Bobby has had to watch as it worked out that way. Standing by as silent support and spectator hasn't been easy when he's had to watch the man who'd become another son to him, struggle through the days carrying the weight of a burden he's far too familiar with. Everyday, he's witnessed Buck struggle to control his emotions, with a simple expression saying all there needs to say. Of course, he sees it but chooses not to address it. At least not yet. Instead, Bobby has chosen to remain silent and offer support, be a pillar of quiet grounding strength amongst all the noise going on inside the boy's head. He's chosen to be there ready and waiting for the exact moment when he's truly needed. Pushing never helps anyone, especially someone like Buck but patience certainly does. A lesson learnt years ago.
Alongside his silent support, Bobby also offers distraction.
Which is exactly the reason why they're where they are now.
Normally, this would be his job but not today. Today this occupation belongs to Buck.
The loft proves calm, empty beside the two people in the kitchen, which is exactly the way he'd wanted it. Perks of being Captain, able to delegate tasks away from here to the rest of the team under his command. Whilst upstairs may be peaceful, downstairs proves a different story. Nothing loud or drastic, just the sounds of everyday work at a firehouse. Trucks are being checked, inventory taken, engines polished and hoses rolled. Outback, there even drills being run. In the gym, weights are being lifted. Throughout each task, the chatter of familiar voices float up to provide comforting background noise. There's comfort to be found in the ordinary but sometimes, there's quest for a little more. Hence why they are currently the only two people in the loft.
From his position sat on the otherside of the kitchen island upon a stool, Bobby carefully watches Buck move around the kitchen from cabinet to cabinet. It's lunchtime but instead of preparing the meal like he'd normally do, this time he's roped in Buck. Even to this day, despite the many 'lessons' Buck undertook in this very kitchen, there are still days where the kid lingers to learn more from the older man. Cooking a skill that you never stop learning and truth be told, Bobby enjoys the time spent just the two of them together in the kicthen pouring over a recipe.
And today proves no different.
Cookery book wide open in front of him-- a Father's day gift from May and Harry-- the page shows a new recipe Buck had earlier chosen for today's family meal. Reading aloud the list of ingredients necessary for the dish, Bobby observes as each are carefully gathered and laid out across the counter. Smirking, Bobby listens to Buck mumble absently the mathematics of turning a recipe to serve four into a recipe big enough with leftovers to feed the hungry firefighters doing chores downstairs.
The atmosphere, for the first time in days, feels calmer and quiet. Buck's shoulders have dropped considerably from being hunched with tension and Bobby takes the slight improvement where he can. He doesn't talk, doesn't force conversation but instead allows for the ball to rest in Buck's court, so to speak. If the kid has anything to say, he can say it without being prompted. Sometimes, all someone needs is quiet and the silent support of another person in the room.
For the next few minutes, comfortable silence rests over the lost.
Until Buck is the one to break it.
Glancing up from where he'd set down the cutting board ready, Buck meets his Captain's gaze. "Athena's on shift today, right? She stopping by for lunch?"
The thought of his wife instantly makes a mile wide smile spread across Bobby's handsome face. Just another display of why he's teased so often for being a sap and whipped. No apologises are ever given, the Captain down bad for his wife. Who could blame him. "She is," Bobby glances at his watch," should here any time now actually."
"Oh, so no pressure." Buck grins, light missing from his eyes making a slow return. "Wouldn't want to poison Athena."
"And the rest of us?"
"It's Athena." Buck points out as though that's all the explanation necessary. Which, to be honest, it is. Pointing toward the book, Buck asks, "so, what's up first?"
Before Bobby can even think to glance down to offer a response, as if summoned, a very familiar voice floats straight across the loft. Perfect timing.
"Hey hey."
And there it is again, that mile wide smile. Bobby turns to greet his wife, who's looking as beautiful as ever in her uniform. "Hi."
Closing the distance, Athena steps up toward her husband smiling when his arm automatically slides around her waist to pull her closer, mindful of the belt at her waist. With ease, his mouth finds hers to kiss her hello. "Well hello to you too, Captain."
Bobby grins, happy to keep his wife close. "How's your day been, baby?"
"Better now seeing you." For good measure, she kisses him again, allowing it to linger a little longer just because she can. These last forty-eight hours with him on shift seem to last a lifetime.
Rolling his eyes, despite the smirk dancing at his lips, Buck shakes his head. "You two are nauseating."
Bobby grins, tapping Athena's ass for good measure, knowing the boy can't see. Unfazed by the warning look from his wife.
Glancing across the counter, Athena studies the man across from her. Eyes take in the set up. Her husband sat at the counter with a cook book spread out before him. Buck on the otherside, poised ready and waiting. "Reversal of roles, huh?"
"Something like that, yeah." Buck says quietly, his usual golden retriever attiude somewhat shining a little dimmer. "Cap always say learning in the kitchen never stops and I've grown to really enjoy it. There's something calming about cooking, you know."
Athena and Bobby exchange a glance, neither choose to say anything. Not yet. Now isn't the time nor place for heaviness, unpacking all the kid has needed to deal with isn't an easy task. So instead, they keep things light. Easy.
Spying the familiar book, the one she'd spent a Thursday afternoon searching for in a bookstore with May and Harry, who'd been adamant it had to be that specific book as the present for their stepfather on his first official father's day since they got married, Athena now motions toward it. "Bobby's cooked some amazing dishes from this book. What'd you choose to make."
"A chicken and leek risotto, with salad and homemade garlic bread."
"Sounds delicious."
Buck smiles, "kinda cheating cos Bobby already made the bread last night... or this morning. Depends how you look at it."
Athena looks to her husband. "Late night stress baking?"
"Something like that." Bobby has the decency to look sheepish, though truth be told, he feels justified. Worrying about Buck this week has made settling at night a little harder, especially coming off the backend of an exhausting call. "I'd offer you a muffin but unfortunately they were all devoured this morning over breakfast."
"Can't really blame us Cap, when they were so good." Standing with his hands at his waist, Buck perks his head at the book. "Okay, what's first?"
"Ingredients prep. Mushrooms sliced, leeks trimmed and sliced, chicken diced and then parmesan grated." Bobby instructs, eyes lifting from the page. "Start there, we'll move on once you're done."
"Copy that." Dragging the cutting board toward him, Buck reaches for the knife block where he proceeds to retrieve with dramatic flourish, a very professional looking and very sharp knife.
In unison, Athena and Bobby reel back.
Movement Buck immediately notices. "What's wrong with the both of you?"
"Alright now. Let's just be careful there, Buckaroo. No one be needing you to chop off a finger."
"If I did, I'm in the best place with Hen and Chimney downstairs--" Buck rolls his eyes, "besides I'm not gonna chop anything off. Have a little faith."
Unconvinced, Athena still appears weary. "The way you weilding that knife you're testing my faith, boy."
"I have everything under control."
"If you say so," Bobby remarks with apprehension. These knives are very good quality, professional grade because he likes having the best equipment to use in the kicthen. Besides the fact, usually he's the only one to really use them. Until today.
"I do say so."
Keeping watch out the corner of her eye, Athena shifts attention to her husband. "How's your day been going?"
"Pretty standard. We've had a few medicals, grease fire at a Chinese restaurant and two car accidents." Bobby answers, eyes on Buck using the knife with slow yet precise movement before turning his gaze back to his wife. "What about you? Something tells me it's been far from standard. You have that look--"
"I do have that look and you'd be right. I think I've arrested every fool in Los Angeles this morning."
"That bad, huh?"
"Worse. And I'd like that we not talk about it. I can feel myself growing more annoyed just thinking about what I've dealt with all morning and what probably awaits me through the rest of my damn shift." Athena leans further into her husband, taking comfort in his embrace. God, she needs today to be over with so she can go home and sink into the arms of her man.
Like a pro, Bobby changes the subject. "Did Harry get off to school okay? I know he was worried about that test."
"He did. He actually texted me earlier and said the test went well."
"May's at work?"
"She is, took an extra shift."
At the mention of May, Buck looks up from the cutting board. "She's still enjoying it over at dispatch? Maddie said she's settled in pretty good, learning the ropes quickly."
"Seems to be. I won't lie, I'd much rather she be in college--"
"Athena."
"I know, I know." Athena rolls her eyes at her husband, knowing this to be conversation they'd had a number of times before. "She's old enough to make her own decisions, I get that. I may not agree, but I can respect them."
"And that's why you're such a great mother, Athena." Buck says quietly. The words honest yet seem to have slipped out without permission. "You allow May space to figure out who she is and where she wants to go next. You support and love her through it, despite not totally agreeing with the choice she's made. Sometimes that's all a kid needs--" he stops abruptly. Goes silent. Attention drops back to the cutting board, and fingers tighten around the knife.
They both hear loud and clear what Buck doesn't say. Truth be told, he doesn't need to say it. They know. They know he never had that kind of support growing up, from Maddie yes but only up until she disappeared with Doug but never from the two people who should offer it alongside love unconditionally. They both know he never really experienced anywhere close to that until he joined the 118 and Bobby became a part of his life.
Feeling like he said too much, the knife is set aside and now the chicken is diced, Buck moves to thoroughly wash his hands at the sink. With his back to the couple behind him, he takes a minute. When finished, turning to Bobby expectantly as he dries his hands, Buck asks, "what's next?" Ignoring what was said moments ago as though he never said anything at all, despite meaning every word.
"You need a pan and pot for the--"
Already bent down, Buck searches through the cabinet. "Which ones?"
"Use the big ones, kid."
Standing back up, Buck sets both pot and pan down on the counter. "Okay Pops--"
And then, because the universe is both cruel and unkind, before anything further can be said by the trio in the kitchen, another voice travels across the loft.
"Evan?"
For both Captain and Sergeant, almost immediately, they witness the reaction in Buck instantly. His entire body stiffens and a barrier slams down over his face to leave behind nothing but a blank expression, void of any emotion. The walls are up, surrounding him against whatever these two people think to do or say next.
Because of such a reaction, it doesn't take much to guess who that voice belongs too. Shifting in his seat, Bobby turns to find the Buckley's standing across the loft. A rather frazzled looking Chimney right behind them. Clearly the man's intention of running interference hadn't worked. Having had a conversation earlier that morning, Bobby is very much aware of the predicament Chimney finds himself in trying to play peacemaker stuck in the middle between Maddie, Buck and their parents. The latter, two people who don't make any situation easy.
And this looks set to be no different.
Standing beside his wife, posture rigid and with a frown so fierce plastered across his face, Phillip Buckley's unfortunate arrival coincided perfectly with hearing his son refer to his Captain as Pops.
With the preparation of lunch temporarily forgotten, finding strength he doesn't truly possess to confront his parents, Buck moves around the kitchen island. "What are you doing here?" There's a hardness to his voice everyone present hears, loud and clear.
"Is that anyway to greet your parents?" Margaret Buckley bites back, "we came here to see you." She states the obvious, her disapproval evident. "You left so abruptly last night--"
"No," Buck interrupts without heat. Very conscious of keep his voice level and respectful, even in disagreement. Not wishing to give further fuel to their constant burning fire. He won't give them the satisfaction. "I left exactly when I needed to." Despite his best intentions, a tiny hint of heat creeps into his words. "I don't appreciate you coming here either. This is my place of work."
"Evan," Phillip snaps in warning, as if the boy is being difficult when all he's really doing is stating the obvious. Which they refuse, again, to see.
"My name is Buck."
Phillip scowls.
"Okay. That's fine, Buck." Margaret placates, condescending which she doesn't attempt to hide. The disapproval radiates from her in waves. "Is there somewhere--" she glances toward Bobby and Athena pointedly, "we can talk privately?"
Glancing toward Bobby and Athena, much like the woman across from him had but for very different reasons, Buck frowns. "No. I have nothing more to say to either of you. I said all I needed to say. Now please leave."
With an arm around his wife, as though presenting a united front, Phillip steps forward.
For Buck, there's such a vast difference in the way he just watched Bobby hold Athena, to the way Phillip stands with Margaret. Every single time the former's embrace has always been relaxed and filled with love, the latter just proves rigid and cold. As opposite as night and day. Not only the way they are to each other but how they are to others as well. These people think of no one but themselves, whereas Bobby and Athena risk their lives very single day for complete strangers. Nevermind the difference in which they treat the people closest to them, their family. There really isn't a comparison.
"Evan--"
"I told you! My name is Buck."
Fuming silently, Margaret allows her husband to try. Her patience thinning quickly.
"Listen now, we want to address what happened last night at dinner." Phillip tells his son, unaware of the wince Chimney fails to hide. "A dinner where you embarrassed not only yourself and us too."
"Well it wouldn't be the first time I've embarrassed you, right?"
Ignoring the quip, Phillip continues, "we also feel like we deserve an opportunity to respond to the outrageous accusations you hurled our way last night. Accusations which were deeply upsetting fo us both, you have to understand."
"Accusations..." Buck mutters to himself. Not for a second convinced they are serious. They couldn't be, could they? "I have to understand--" he shakes his head, frustrated. "Are you serious?' Buck demands, actually asking the question of the older couple. His words the night before were not words of accusation but those born from truth. He said what he said because those words were felt and justified and a long time coming. For these people to act surprised by the existence of such feelings just proves how unaware they truly are. "I said what was true. You know that, I know that and so does Maddie."
"You have to stop being so dramatic. Your behaviour last night was disgraceful. Interrupting and ruining a perfectly lovely dinner your sister worked so hard to arrange in honor of our visit."
Unable to stand by and do nothing, Chimney attempts to step in. Not for one second do either himself or Maddie think or feel like Buck ruined anything. "Margaret, Maddie and I don't think--"
Yet Margaret waves him away. "This is behaviour we are familiar with, Howard. You don't know Buck the way we do. These outbursts are typical of him..."
"No, you don't! You don't know me at all." Buck says, voice raising with repressed anger at the sheer audacity of these two people showing up here to say such things. Jaw clenches tight, his chest rises and falls, and it feels like he's barely holding everything together. "You never have."
Despite having stood by and refrained herself from saying something she shouldn't, Athena can see the implosion coming a mile away. The boy is losing his cool and these people, they don't deserve any part of him. Even his anger. Missing the solid form of her husband as she steps away, Athena approaches Buck. Voice quiet and calm, the air around her no-nonsense yet warm in a way only a Mama bear can carry. "Hey hey Buckaroo, let's take a breath and calm down."
Immediately, attention swivels to the Sergeant and Buck misses the way Margaret scowls at Athena's interruption. He misses the way her glare sharpens toward the Police Sergeant for both her care and use of tye nickname. What he doesn't miss though, or anyone else for that matter, is the cutting words that follow.
"Oh please, this has absolutely nothing to do with you." Margaret practically vibrates with irrational anger, dismissing the woman as if she were nothing. "Mind your own damn business."
All eyes shift to move away from Athena toward the other woman. Nobody quite believing the audacity, the bravery to say something like that to Athena, of all people. Buck's furious expression rival's Bobby's one of worry. Chimney appears he would rather be anywhere else, almost afraid what the Sergeant will do to his future mother-in-law. For good reason. This situation just went from bad to even worse.
The Captain holds his breath, afraid he'll have to restrain his wife from unleashing her wrath. Make no mistake, it would be well deserved, but he fears Mrs Buckley may not survive the onslaught. His wife can be ruthless when protecting those she loves.
For her part in this debacle, Athena stares down the other woman; a woman who deems fit to call herself a mother. Yeah, right. A mother doesn't behave this way, they don't treat their children like this, and they shouldn't have attitude toward another for caring deeply about her son. If Athena didn't like the woman before, she certainly doesn't like her now. "Excuse you? What did you--"
"Athena." Bobby stands quickly to make move toward his wife, where an arm wraps around her waist to halt her progression forward. "Let's remain calm," He directs soothingly. Putting out the fire or at least attempting to before it even has a chance to truly ignite. "Buck, why don't you take your-- parents-- to my office and I'll finish up lunch."
"No." Buck stares at Bobby like the man had lost his damn mind to even suggest such a thing. Very much aware the older man is trying his best to diffuse the situation, the last thing Buck wants or needs is to be trapped in a room alone with these two people. Two people who never bring anything good to the conversation, nevermind to his life. "No, that won't be necessary, Cap."
"Evan--" Phillip is quick to protest, though he's cut off before he has opportunity to continue.
"It's Buck. My name is Buck. How many times do I have to tell you?" His frustration clearly evident. These people refuse to listen. They've always refused to listen. They've always refused to see him, to see who he truly is. "And I've also told you, I have nothing more to say to either of you."
The dismissal isn't warmly recieved. In fact, it proves the tipping point. Patience finally runs thin and Phillip snaps. "Listen here boy, you will not speak to either myself or your mother in such a disrespectful manner. We are your parents--"
"No," Buck almost shouts, loud enough for the team down in the truck bay to hear. This time, he's the one to snap. The coiled tension within him, born years ago in his youth, finally snaps. "You're not."
There's venom underlining those words. There's years of deep rooted emotional trauma. Most importantly, there's just a overwhelming sadness for never being enough, especially when he's more than they ever deserved.
The Buckleys reel back in astonishment. Never having expected such a fiercely strong rebuttal. The ferocity behind those three words appear to come as a shock. Neither expected it. Which just proves how unaware they truly are. Which proves how little they care for never seeing all the damage they caused. The Buckley's don't recognise they are the problem.
"Hey kid--" Bobby starts, taking a step toward the young man.
"No." Buck's voice breaks. Shakaing his head, he looks toward his Captain, toward the man who to him, is his father. In every way that counts. The words may never have been spoke and never openly acknowledged, but neither make feeling such a way any less true. "No." He turns back to the man and woman who have given him nothing, beyond life. They gave life but even something as beautiful as that carries ugliness. It carries lies and secrets and the burden of saving a life. He was a child born to save another child and treated differently when something out of his control failed to suceed. He was never their son. Just a failed solution to a problem that they were responsible for. Something he's tried his entire life to overcome, despite never knowing the truth until recently. "You really don't get it, do you?"
Neither Phillip nor Margaret find it appropriate to offer a forthcoming response. Instead, the Buckleys stare back, expressions cold. Body language screams they are the victims here, not the ones who have inflicted emotional trauma for years and years.
Nothing ever changes. These people will never be the ones at fault. Everyone else is always the bad guy and Buck's done being made out to be the bad guy for the last time. Enough is enough. So for the very first time, Buck expresses exactly how he feels.
"You didn't want me, not like parents should want a child. You know that and I now know the truth of why. I was a saviour baby. I was born to save Daniel, that's the truth and when that didn't work out, I paid the price for something which was out of my control. Do you not see how twisted that was? How you blamed one son for another son dying?" The topic of Daniel is a sensitive subject, he had another sibling everyone hid from him, even Maddie. The one person he trusted most. "I always struggled growing up to understand why our relationship was the way it was. For a long time, it hurt. For a very long time, I blamed myself. I doubted myself all the time because nothing I ever did was good enough for you." Buck shakes his head. "And all along, it was you. I was a child and you punished me to the point where I believed I wasn't enough." He tells them, resolute, needing them to understand. "It took me a very long time to realise I am enough, because I'm Buck and that means something. It means never giving up--" Buck glances toward Athena repeating what she told him, "and for a long time, I did. Until I found this." He motions around at the firehouse. "You don't approve of the life I've chosen but I'm proud of it. This right here is home, this team is my true family--" He inhales sharply, heart pounding and he gestures toward Bobby and Athena. "Those two people right there, they are the parents I deserve. They are the ones I turn to for advice, they are the ones I trust and who I love. They are the ones always there for anything and through everything. They've helped guide me into becoming the person I am today. Them. This family. Not you." The weight upon his shoulders begins to feel much less crushing with every word spoken. "That may be hard to hear but I won't apologise for it. You've hurt me my entire life. I won't let you do it or be a part of my life anymore. You don't deserve it and I deserve better."
There's a deep ache settling within Bobby's chest at Buck's words. An ache stemming from sadness for all the kid has needed to endure but also with love. The father-son relationship that began to grow from day one has always been something left unspoken between them or something rarely hinted at but now, with Buck's words, it's out there. The boy he sees as another son, see him as his father. He feels Athena clutch at his hand tightly, without need to look at his wife, Bobby knows she's just as affected.
The silence to settle in the aftermath of Buck's speech is deafening and uncomfortable but damning in it's own right. Truth proving once again the powerful force it's always been.
Stepping forward, Phillip tries to formulate a response. Lame as it proves. Excuses rather than accountability. "We did everything we could. You never made it easy--"
That, right there, becomes quite enough for Athena. "You stand there and have nerve to lay your many mistakes at his feet. Oh no. Not today." Athena fumes, raging to put these people down where they belong. Their high and mighty attitudes grate on her last nerve. "He didn't make it easy? He shouldn't have had to. Buck was a child. You were his parents and you failed. You failed him on all counts and for good measure, you failed Maddie too." Athena's wrath begins to be unleashed. "Neither of you could see through your grief to realise the two beautiful children still standing right in front of you. You both did the opposite of everything you should have, as parents. You should have held them close, cherished and loved them. Protected them." Athena tells them. "When in truth, they should have been protected from you."
"How dare you!" Tightening her hands on her purse, Margaret loses it. Bordering hysterical. She points her finger at Athena, hands shaking in rage. Unaccustomed to be called out on her behavior and her mistakes. "You have no right! You have absolutely no right to judge us! You have no idea what we went through and what we still go through daily. None of you know what it's like to lose your child!"
Behind his future in-laws, Chimney pales significantly. Eyes dart toward his Captain.
Glancing toward Bobby worriedly, Buck is about to open his mouth when he's beaten to it.
"I do."
Face flushed with fury, Margaret quickly looks to the Captain. "What?" She questions harshly. "What did you say?"
Buck frowns, taking a step toward the man. "Bobby, you don't have to--"
"Baby..." Athena rests a hand on her husband's chest.
"I lost both my children. My son and my daughter--" Bobby begins, grief evident but there's a fierce hardness within his tone. Despite his heart forever breaking, he won't allow these people to continue on breaking the heart of the man he loves as another son. He won't allow it. Even if this part of himself needs to be revealed in the process. "You say no one here understands what it feels like to lose a child, but I do. I know. I know what it's like to feel useless and unable to save them. I know the unimaginable pain of grief the loss brings. I know the feeling of having your entire world ripped from under you, for it to come crashing down." Bobby feels grounded. He feels steady with his wife beside him, with her hand on his chest. "I know exactly what losing children feels like."
The new information appears to have taken aback the Buckleys. Neither expected such a response. Which is fair, when two people think and feel that everything revolves around them. Never once did they imagine someone here could relate to the experience of losing a child.
Yet here a man stands, having lost two.
"Then you understand." Phillip eventually says, once the surprise receeds enough to allow him.
"No, I don't." Bobby shakes his head, face like thunder. "I don't understand because Athena's right. You both went through a devastating experience, which I understand, and I commiserate, but that's where my understanding ends. You had two other children who needed you. They needed their parents and the unconditional love parents have to offer and yet, you offered nothing."
"We love all our children." Margaret says, tears in her eyes. The words feel empty, to everyone's ears and truth be told, even to her own. "Of course we do." It almost sounds as though she's trying to convince herself. "We did the best we could."
"So you say but actions speak far louder than words." Athena states matter-of-factly. "The facts speak for themselves." Athena doesn't pull any punches. "Buck and Maddie deserved better and now they've found it."
The Buckleys stare at their son. They say nothing. Instead, it seems very much like they're waiting for him to say something, something to refute what this woman has insinuated. Yet nothing comes, at least nothing what they would like.
"I don't hate you, I want you both to know that. I stopped hating you a long time ago. Now, I'm just disappointed." Buck shrugs, feeling exhausted with having to deal with this for so very long. Yet there's also a feeling of relief, that it's finally over. "I want to move on with my life." Without you.
The words remain unspoken, yet the Buckley's hear them. Loud and clear.
"We did our best by you, and by your sister." Margaret shakes her head, "what more could we do? What more could you want from us?"
"Asking those questions just prove your lack of awareness to others beside yourselves and how little you cared. Neither of you truly grasp what you've done." Bobby states quietly in rebuttal.
Exhaling quietly, Buck severs the last connection. "Therapy has helped me understand having you in my life isn't healthy, and this visit proved as much. Which is why I'm saying enough. I can't do this anymore and I don't want you in my life." He won't lie, it's hurts but beyond the hurt is a sense of freedom. Freedom from the trauma he's endured since birth. The trauma will not disappear with goodbye but in time it will become easier to carry, with further therapy and with those around him that love him for simply who he is. The love of family. A true family. The most healing power of all. "Maddie, she gets to decide for herself and if she chooses to allow you to remain part of her life, I'll support her. But that's it."
"You're cutting us out of your life?" Margaret questions harshly.
"Yes," Buck responds, "I am."
Margaret scoffs. "Don't you recognise how dramatic this behaviour is? Really, Evan?" The older woman shakes her head, irritated by such a threat. Failing herself to recognise this is far from a threat and long overdue. She doesn't think or feel beyond herself to realise the damage her own behaviour has caused. "This is just like you. Always wrapped up in yourself with no consideration for anyone else. You were the same as a child, always getting hurt--"
Buck shakes his head, not the first time hearing these words from the woman who gave birth to him. Because of what happened with Daniel and the subsequent dislike for hospitals, getting hurt as a kid went far beyond physical. Mentally and emotionally he suffered afterward, when he got home and had to listen to this woman rant about say such things like inconsideration. Thankfully, he doesn't have to listen anymore.
"Mrs Buckley, I would suggest you stop talking and stop thinking only about yourself and listen." Athena warns harshly, not taking kindly to what this woman is saying. Make no mistake, her self control is hanging by a thread and more than anything, she'd like to ripe into these people for doing such a poor job raising their kids. "You are failing again to understand the situation you've created. You are failing to respect the wishes of other people, your son."
"Athena, it's fine." Buck shrugs, "I don't have to listen to this anymore. I won't."
"So that's it?" Margaret trembles, not in sorrow but in fury. "After everything we've done..."
"I wouldn't finish that sentence," Athena bites back sharply, "Neither of you have done a damn thing worthy of either Buck or Maddie. You should be ashamed to call yourselves parents."
"We don't have to stand here and listen to this." Margaret says, as though she and her husband are the victims.
"No, I imagine you don't. I imagine hearing the truth of your failings as parents must be very unpleasant." Athena doesn't tolerate fools, especially fools who hurt her family. "So I suggest you don't stand here." She waves her hand in the general direction of the door. "There's the exit, I suggest you and your husband find your way out of it."
Furious at the audacity of the woman, Margaret quietly rages on. "You can't ask us to leave..."
"She can and so will I." Buck states firmly. Simple, to the point. "I don't want you here."
At her son's quiet statement, Margaret falls silent. No because she feels defeated instead she gives up trying. Why waste time on someone who neither wants nor deserves her attention. Again failing to realise that exact behaviour are the root cause of this entire situation.
"Then we wish you well for the future," Phillip states, matter-of-factly and without hint of emotion, "but now it's time for us to say goodbye." With that, finality. Then without further thought or pause, Phillip steers Margaret away, making move towards the stairs.
That right there just proves how little these people care about their son because there isn't an ounce of fight in either of them. They don't bother to further argue or fight or beg for reconsideration. There's just acceptance because it's easier. Like they're the ones being freed from the chains of the burden of being parents. Ridiculous and horrendous behaviour but nothing new. This is who they are, who they've always been and no amount of grief could ever excuse such a thing.
No goodbyes are offered in response to the retreating couple. Why waste breath.
Standing still, watching them go, Buck exhales slowly. He watches Chimney follow close behind his future in-laws and having the honor of showing them out the door. He thought he'd feel something more, but all that remains is a huge sense of relief. More importantly, peace. He feels free. The burden he's carried his entire life has lifted, and it feels, for the very first time, like he can truly breathe easier.
Watching closely, Bobby scruntises Buck. Watching closely to make sure the kid is okay. What just happened would prove a lot for anyone to handle, an emotional fallout years in the making. Bobby witnesses the exact moment the walls comes crashing down and the kid's face says it all. There's a range of emotion to pass across Buck's face but it's the anxiety dancing in his eyes that confuse Bobby most. When Buck turns toward them, toward himself and Athena, that becomes the moment where Bobby truly understands.
Anxiously glancing between his Captaina and Athena, at the two people he just outwardly claimed as being parents to him, Buck feels uncertain and wishes for the ground to open up beneath him. "I'm sorry I said you were like--" any opportunity to finish such an unnecessary apology becomes lost to him, because Athena steps forward to wrap him within her arms. Despite her small stature, despite having to hunch over a little to return the embrace, Buck feels surrounded by her, completely. A motherly embrace where she hugs him tight. Still, he tries to apologise. "You didn't have to--"
"Yes, I did, we both did." Athena decimates his apology with gentle yet firm reassurance. No way will she allow or accept this boy to apologise for seeing them as parents. Not to mention backing him up. She will always be the strongest voice in her kids corner. Always. Then, she goes on to tell him the truth of it. The simple reason why. "Buckaroo, you've been ours since the beginning."
That's it. Seven words. Seven words to level him. Tears sting Buck's eyes and he tries so hard to keep them at bay.
Buck will be the first to admit the beginning had most definitely not been easy. He hadn't made it easy. He was a punk ass kid with too much arrogance for his own good. Over confident about his abilities and it often lead him to make more than a few questionable decisions. This woman was there to kick his ass to the kerb, put him in his place and bring him right back down to earth. This woman had been the one to make a call, one call which got him a second chance in this firehouse. This woman, who has helped shape and guide him into the man he is today. A woman, who has been more of a mother in the short time he's known her, than the woman who birthed him ever had.
"This is our family, Buckaroo. Me, Bobby and the kids. The 118." Athena tells him softly, "it isn't perfect and its messy and we have our fair share of ups and down but it's ours. This family. This is where you belong." She squeezes him tight. "You hear me?"
Choked up, words impossible, Buck can only nod against her shoulder.
When she eventually releases him, Buck forces himself turn toward Bobby, who immediately envelopes him in a bear hug. This man, who has always been so much more than a Captain. This man, who slow but surely, became his father in every single way that counts. Blood means nothing but love and choice means everything. This man is one of the most important people in his life, he doesn't want to think about who he'd be without him. Since joining this firehouse, Bobby has helped shape who he is, not only into becoming a better firefighter but more importantly, becoming a better man. This man welcomed into the 118 with a smile, pulled out a chair and fed him amazing spaghetti at what became the first of many family dinners. This man graciously allowed him a second chance when he screwed up. This man offered advice and gently helped to guide him through tough moments. No matter the circumstances, through the good times and the worst of times, Bobby is a man he could always count on. A constant. Make no mistake, they've had fair share of ups and downs but always, they find way to get through. Buck understands how fortunate he truly is to have this man in his life. A man who helped teach him how to tie his tie for his first date with Abby. Far too many times, the man sat beside his hospital bed long into the night and refused to leave. There are so many things he could say as to why this man is the father he always deserved. So many reasons but there are also not enough words available to even begin to describe what this man truly means to him, not really. No amount of words would ever be enough. All that truly matters is this man is his father and he loves him. That's the simple fact of it. "Thank you."
Exhaling heavily, Bobby shakes his head. His emotions rising faster than he's able to control. Now this thing between them has well and truly been acknowledged, the walls around his heart are harder to keep up. More importantly, Bobby finds he doesn't want too. Not anymore. He should have made this clear a long time ago. "You never have to thank us for loving you, Kid." Bobby tightens his hold on his boy, then shrugs. "You've always been ours, Evan."
There's no immediate response, no immediate defense. No immediate twist in his stomach at the sound of his own name. There isn't exasperation. This isn't disappointment. This isn't anger. There isn't exhaustion. There isn't a single feeling wrapped around his name like he had long grown accustomed to. Instead, for the very first time, hearing his given name doesn't set him on edge. There's something about the way Bobby says it, so soft and full of love. It makes his chest ache in the best way possible. For the first time, he feels a father's love wrapped around his name.
"I love you, Kid."
Choked up, Buck manages a shaky, "I love you too." His eyes dart toward Athena. "I love you both. I hope you know that."
Athena just smiles at him. They do.
Despite red teary eyes, emotions all over the place, Bobby pulls back with a smirk. Trying to get back to business as usual. "Come on, you still have lunch to make."
The teasing words make Buck smile. "Copy that, Pops." Feeling lighter than he ever thought possible now he's discarded the burden that was his birth parents, Buck makes move back to the kitchen to finish what he started.
With their boy distracted, Athena steps into her husband and cups his face. She can only imagine what he must be feeling after all this. To talk about his beautiful babies and to hear Buck opening claim him as his father, she knows her husband and the emotions he must be feeling so acutely. She does what she can to help steady the unsteady ground, to offer comfort and love as he quietly gathers his bearings. Her support comes quietly, without fanfare. "I love you."
Hearing those words always have a way of filling his heart a little more. He appreciates this woman's awareness. Forever thankful to have her beside him, as his partner. His everything. Leaning down to kiss her softly, Bobby returns the sentiment. "I love you too."
And that right there is the vast different between the Grant-Nash family and the Buckleys.
With Bobby and Athena, love is easy and free. Comes as natural as breathing, unconditional and something to be cherished. Love is something to be given and experienced with no expectations for anything in return. Love is simply, family.
And luckily for Buck, the Grant-Nash family along with the 118 offer everything and more than he could ever need.
Without reservation or consequence.
The end.
......... .......... .........