Rise Unafraid

by rayrae118

Summary:

It had been a pretty normal shift so far. Just the standard overflowing waiting room and constant running around with barely any time to use the bathroom let alone time to eat or think. Trinity and Dennis had been talking to a patient when she had heard yelling and what she thought was Robby shouting for security, right before there was a loud boom and the building shook.

An incident in the ED shakes things up a bit - literally - and sends Robby on an unwanted trip down memory lane.

OCTOBER 2027

The air was filled with dust. People nearby were coughing. A phone was ringing. Multiple alarms blaring. Lots of yelling and moaning.

Trinity took a deep breath and poked her head out of the curtain, trying to figure out what had happened.

It had been a pretty normal shift so far. Abbot was working today, which was unusual but not unheard of – he was covering for someone and pulling a double. For the most part it was just the standard overflowing waiting room and constant running around with barely any time to use the bathroom let alone time to eat or think. She and Dennis had been talking to a patient when she had heard yelling and what she thought was Robby shouting for security, right before there was a loud boom and the building shook. Trinity had been knocked to the ground, and winced as her hip throbbed painfully. It didn’t feel like anything was actually wrong, but she had probably hit the floor hard enough to bruise.

Remembering that there were two other people in the room with her, Trinity looked back quickly. “Whitaker?” she called out quietly, not wanting to draw any attention to them if this was an active threat.

Dennis coughed, and poked his head up from behind the patient bed. “What the hell was that?” he asked, wide-eyed.

Trinity grimaced. “No idea.” Earthquake? Unlikely, they were in Pennsylvania and the shaking would have lasted a lot longer. Something driving into the building? Probably would involve a lot more of the building falling down around them. Bomb? Terrifying, but actually possibly the most likely option once she thought about it. She looked over at the patient. “Mrs. White? Are you ok?”

The middle aged woman, visiting the hospital for a bad migraine, looked terrified but nodded quickly.

Trinity bit her lip. Ok, time to get to work. “We’ve got to get out there,” she focused back on Dennis. “It looks like a lot of injuries. Mrs. White, stay here. We’ll be back with you when we can.”

Dennis looked apprehensive, but dutifully followed Trinity out into the main hall.

-----

The air was even more dusty out here. Some patients who had been waiting on gurneys in the hallways were lying on the ground. Doctors and nurses were starting to pick themselves up and check on injuries, but many seemed to be in shock or still trying to remember where they were.

The hub was... not intact. Trinity could see computers on the ground, papers everywhere, and part of the desk was missing.

From another direction, she saw Mel - a senior resident now - and Langdon, who had just started as an attending a month earlier, hurrying towards the chaos, and she felt herself relax. She couldn’t see Robby or Abbot, so having anyone else more senior than her was a godsend. Someone to tell her what to do so she didn’t have to try and be in charge.

“Santos!” Mel looked just as relieved to see her. “Whitaker!”

They met in the middle of the room. “We were in the break room when the building started shaking. Have you seen Robby?” Langdon asked worriedly.

Santos shook her head. “We were in Fourteen. I thought I heard him call for security, before... whatever that was.” She looked at him, wide-eyed. “Was it a bomb?”

Mel inhaled sharply, but before anyone could reply, Abbot was suddenly there, yelling for security to lock down the ER and calling for people to share their status.

Donnie and Mateo immediately held up their hands and signaled they were ok, Jesse asked for some bandages to slow the bleeding on his arm laceration until it could be tended to, and McKay, their other senior resident, called for help in moving some of the patients who had been near the hub back onto gurneys. Emma, one of the newer nurses for all she’d been working in the ED for a little over a year now, rushed to assist.

“Where’s Robby?” Abbot barked out, surveying the frenzy of activity.

There was a long moment of silence, and then suddenly Princess gasped and hurried around to the far side of the hub. “Abbot!” she yelled out, dropping to the ground.

Perlah rushed forward to help as well, looking disheveled but not caring as she knelt down next to her friend and gossip buddy.

The doctors all peeked around the desk and Trinity heard barely heard Whitaker let out a soft ‘oh’ over the rushing in her ears.

Robby was lying face down on the ground, unmoving.

Abbot was next to the nurses in less than a second, immediately running his hands up Robby’s back, assessing for spinal injuries. The back of his sweatshirt was shredded. Jack took the scissors that Perlah passed him and quickly cut the fabric away to see a mess of shrapnel wounds that would be a bitch to clean out.

Something shifted under him, and Abbot immediately looked up. “Langdon, secure his neck. We need to roll him.”

Langdon dropped down quickly, grasping each side of their boss’ neck with his hands, and together they rolled Robby onto his side, trying to minimize movement as much as possible and not set him on his back and drive anything deeper in.

“Dana!” Princess immediately cried out, as the charge nurse became visible.

Dana blinked up at the lights as the weight was eased off, and then sat up, shifting over so that they could set Robby back down.

Santos immediately knelt down to begin assessing, but the older woman pushed her away. “I’m fine,” she promised. “Go start triaging the patients.”

Jack glanced over, though most of his focus remained on his best friend. “She’s right,” he ordered. “Start moving patients into triage zones. Trauma One has glass all over it so use Two for Red. Hallway for overflow if needed. Pink to West, Yellow to North. Move Greens and any patients who were uninjured in the blast and don’t need immediate care to Peds and the family room until we figure out where else they can go. McKay, I need you to liaise with the rest of the hospital. Get Gloria on the phone, tell her a bomb went off in the ED. We need surgery and anyone else who can be spared down here to help. Unknown number of injuries.”

McKay nodded and immediately ran off. Javadi suddenly appeared, coming in from the South corridor. She had dust on her sweatshirt and her ponytail was coming undone but she looked unhurt. The R1 saw Robby lying on the ground, gasped, but then let Santos lead her away to start assessing injuries and moving patients with Mel and Whitaker.

Langdon disappeared briefly, returning with a c collar which he helped Jack thread around Robby’s neck, and then headed towards the Red zone to start working on the most critical injuries.

“Dana?” Jack asked, all of his questions easy to understand just in that one word.

Dana took a deep breath, steadying herself. “Kid came in on an ambulance a while ago, had a backpack. I’m not sure what happened, backpack ended up at the hub. Robby saw it and asked, I guess he thought it seemed off because he went to check it out. I don’t know exactly what he saw but he started yelling for security and then he shouted for everyone to get back. Dropped the backpack, grabbed me, and dove out from behind the desk. Next thing I know the whole world’s exploding around me.”

She looked a little shellshocked. Princess immediately moved over to do a basic vitals check, just to make sure, leaving Perlah to help Jack with Robby.

Jack felt a little of the panic recede when he couldn’t feel any obvious spinal trauma, though that kind of thing was hard to tell for sure without imaging. A low moan coming from the man also helped. “Robby?”

“Ils n'ont rien fait de mal,” was the muttered reply, and Jack frowned.

“They didn’t do anything wrong,” Princess translated quietly.

Jack looked at her, and then back down. “Robby, you with me man?”

Robby groaned again and seemed to try to roll over on his own, but Jack’s hand on his shoulder stopped him. “Nous sommes là pour vous aider.”

Jack looked back at Princess. She looked troubled. “We’re here to help.”

“S’il vous plaît. Non.”

Jack didn’t need Princess to translate that one, and his heart thudded painfully at the pleading tone.

“Robby, you’re at PTMC. Can you hear me?”

“Не стреляйте. Пожалуйста.” (Don’t shoot. Please.)

Princess shook her head when they all glanced at her. “Sorry, that one sounded Russian. Not one of my six.”

Jack grit his teeth. He knew that head injuries could be weird, and Robby had learned Yiddish and Russian alongside English when he was learning how to talk, speaking all three interchangeably at home until he had left for college. He had also picked up French like it was nothing in high school. Jack had gotten used to not understanding half of what Robby said during the time they had lived together, so it would make sense that when his brain got scrambled it was a toss up for which one would come out. But this was starting to really scare him.

“Ok, let’s get him on a gurney. There’s probably a few broken ribs but I don’t see any signs of hemorrhage. I want a whole body CT to confirm. Head and neck for obvious reasons, and let’s make sure I’m not missing anything. And x-rays too. We’ll need to remove the shrapnel first.”

He waited for Perlah to run off to grab a gurney, and hurried around to Dana’s side next. He pulled out his penlight but she batted it away. “I’m fine,” she promised him. “Robby got the brunt of it. I never would have thought anything was wrong if he hadn’t checked it out.”

“Sac à dos,” Robby muttered, and Jack could see him blinking blearily, though he remained face down on the floor. “Seulement un…”

“Robby, I really need you to start speaking English,” Jack pleaded.

Princess bit her lip. “He just said backpack, and only. It’s a bad concussion, isn’t it.”

“.נאָר טאָרבע" (Just a backpack) Robby interrupted them again, and Jack’s jaw clenched. Still not English. His money was on Yiddish this time since it didn’t sound Cyrillic enough.

He sighed, focusing on the nurses. “It’s not ideal. Won’t know how bad until we get the scans. But in general, he’s unaware of where he is and not answering commands. Not great. Hey, what do you think you’re doing?” He glared at Dana who was attempting to stand up.

She glared right back. “I’m fine, Jack, I can help. Focus on our boy there.”

Jack was about to protest, but then Perlah was back, McKay right behind her and helping to stabilize Robby and get him moved onto the bed. Together, they set him up at an angle using a wedge pillow to lie on one side so he wasn’t face down but they could still have access to his injured back, and then they wheeled Robby into the hall area outside Trauma Two. The first thing he did now that he had better access was check Robby’s pupils, which were equal and reactive. Thank God.

McKay stayed to help Jack and Dana start removing shrapnel while Perlah went to go help out in another section and Princess took the bowl to hold for the others as they meticulously began picking pieces of metal and other debris out of the open wounds.

“I talked to Doctor Underwood,” McKay informed the senior attending. “They’re evacuating the hospital and she’ll send down whatever doctors are able to assist, who aren’t caught up with that. She wants a status report but I couldn’t give her any numbers, I said I’d let you know and you or Robby would get back to her.” She paused and looked down at their boss. “Is he…”

“Head injury,” Jack said brusquely. “Not sure what else might be wrong, Gotta clear out what we can here before getting any scans. He’s pretty out of it right now.”

And then, as if he lived to prove Jack wrong, Robby inhaled sharply and seemed to come aware of everything around him. “Jack?”

“Oh thank God. Robby, you back with me?”

“That sucked,” Robby moaned.

Dana snorted. “Thank you, Captain Obvious.” She reached over and grasped his upper arm lightly. “I’m going to kill you later, for putting yourself in danger like that. But thank you.”

Jack allowed himself to relax a little at seeing that Robby appeared to remember what had happened, but then the man stiffened. Jack, knowing the signs, immediately rolled him further onto his side and pushed the pillow out of the way just in time, as he proceeded to throw up.

Jack grimaced as they shifted him back into place once he was finished, worry ramping up again. Definite concussion. Dana moved in with a cloth to help clean up Robby's face, but he didn't seem to even notice - he looked like he was struggling to take deep breaths. Jack looked up to request a portable oxygen tank, but then Princess was suddenly there with the items in question. She slipped a pulse ox on Robby's finger. Oxygen saturation was holding steady, but Jack would bet the movement had aggravated some broken ribs.

After an agonizingly long minute, it seemed like Robby had settled down and his breathing improved. “Shit,” he groaned, and Jack couldn’t help but nod in response. Princess moved the oxygen tank aside since it didn't seem like they'd need it.

“We’ll get you up for scans soon,” Jack promised. “We’re still digging shrapnel out of your back though. Keeping the collar on until I’m sure you don’t have a spinal injury. I want to make sure you didn’t do more than just knock a few screws loose.” He tried to joke but was pretty sure it fell far flat by the looks Dana and McKay gave him.

Robby couldn’t get a good view from his angle, but his question was obvious from body language alone.

Jack shook his head. “You were speaking French, Robby. And then Russian, apparently. Pretty sure the last one was Yiddish.” He continued his search for the shrapnel. “The unconsciousness and vomiting as well makes a pretty compelling case for concussion, but I want to make sure there’s nothing that needs actual medical intervention. Now that you’re alert, we can check a couple other things though. Can you move your fingers for me?”

Everyone focused on his hands, and Jack felt a huge sense of relief to see them twitch ever so slightly. “Great.” He gestured for Dana to remove Robby’s shoes and socks. “Toes?”

That took a little longer, but they moved, if barely. Jack let out a sigh of relief. “Ok, we’ll do a CT to make sure, but that’s good.” They’d get the scans to check for brain injuries and have someone from Neurology do a full neural exam later.

Princess had pulled out her phone while Jack was doing this check, grateful that the hospital’s Wi-Fi was actually still working since cell service in the ED could be spotty at the best of times. The last sentence Robby had uttered (nor torbe) was easier to plug in and just repeating what he had said in French, but whatever he had said in what she was pretty sure had been Russian took a little trial and error while the doctors continued their search for shrapnel. Finally she managed to get a phonetic version typed into Google. She frowned, immediately concerned. “You said ‘don’t shoot’ in Russian.”

Jack furrowed his brow and looked back at Robby. “Where’d you go there, brother?”

Robby tried to shrug, but winced and then decided that maybe Jack had the right idea in keeping him from moving. “Dunno,” he tried to deflect, but Jack’s raised eyebrow said quite clearly that he didn’t buy it.

Robby hissed softly as they continued to work on his back. “Injuries?” he asked, voice soft but pleading. “Do you know if anyone…”

Jack grit his teeth. “Not sure yet,” he said honestly. He’d been with Robby way longer than he was supposed to, but there were enough doctors to take care of the others so he tried not to feel too guilty. “I haven’t gotten any reports of deaths, seemed like most staff were only minor injuries. Langdon’s managing Red, I can see him in T2. Mel’s here too.” They were at the edge of their makeshift Red zone, almost at the hallway to North. “I can see Santos in Pink as well, she looks fine, if a little dusty. Javadi and Whitaker must be in Yellow or Green right now. You just worry about you, brother.”

Robby was definitely gearing up to protest and demand more, but a group of people arrived from upstairs at that moment, and Jack was distracted by the influx of help. He directed several doctors and nurses to go assist in other zones, sending McKay off as well to go check on Pink, and called for someone from surgery to help him.

A grimace was his only reaction at seeing Shamsi step up beside him. The surgeon had been acting very cool towards all of them since her daughter had Matched with Emergency Medicine back in March. He thought she might be thawing a little towards Robby at least, but her attitude remained as biting as ever when she had to come down for a consult.

There was none of that in her voice or expression now, as she looked down at the ED Chief. “How can I help?” she asked quietly.

“Definite concussion, lots of shrapnel but none of this looks bad enough to need more than stitches. I’m not sure about internal bleeding, and he was really out of it for a while, though he doesn’t seem to be having any memory loss or confusion now.”

“Right here,” Robby muttered, but they both ignored him.

Jack continued, “I want to make sure there’s no brain bleed.” He glanced over in the direction of the exit to the rest of the hospital. “Do you know the status of imaging and radiology? Or anyone from Neuro? McKay said Gloria was evacuating the rest of the hospital.”

“Patients and non-essential personnel are being evacuated,” Shamsi assured him. “We closed up what we could in surgery. Patients who need continuous care are being sent to Presby and Mercy, any who are more stable will be relocated outside while they clear the hospital. Ten ORs open now, and we’ll have more up and running within the next fifteen minutes if needed. Ambulance traffic will be diverted too, of course. Some medical staff are going with the patients, but most are waiting outside as well until they’re cleared to come back in. But you should have what you need for any imaging and testing, essential departments left a skeleton crew behind.”

Jack nodded shakily. “Ok, good. That’s good. We should get him up to CT. I think we got most of the shrapnel but it’s entirely possible we missed some pieces.”

Shamsi rested a hand briefly on his arm, reassuring. “Let’s get a bandage on these lacerations, and send him up then. The scans will catch any remaining debris. I don’t see anything for surgery from a visual exam, but we’ll see what the scan says and go from there.” A couple of techs and nurses swarmed and Jack had to let them leave with Robby, knowing it was needed but loathe to let the man out of his sight.

Once Robby was gone, Shamsi looked back at the remaining attending. “Do you know where Victoria…?” She couldn’t quite complete the sentence, throat closing up as she imagined the possibilities.

“She checked in and went to go help with the patients,” Jack assured her. “She looked a little rattled, but I didn’t see any injuries.”

Shamsi let out a shaky breath, relieved. “Ok. Thank you. Where do you need me?”

Jack glanced around, seeing that in the time he had been with Robby, the others had done a good job at assessing and moving patients. The area around the hub was clear of people, it just looked like a bomb had gone off. Which, duh. One had. He could see people in wheelchairs lining the North hallway, and he was sure he’d see a similar setup in West if he poked his head down that corridor. If he craned his head towards the ambulance bay he could just make out what looked like a lot of uniforms. Cops on scene, likely already starting their investigation. He could see some of the hospital’s security at doors leading to the rest of the hospital, and throughout the ED keeping an eye out for anything that looked out of place.

Jack turned back to the surgeon. “I’ll stay in Red. West is Pink zone, can you help there? Make sure there’s no emerging Reds, and send anyone who needs it straight up to surgery.”

Shamsi nodded and headed in that direction.

Jack looked back at Dana. “I can’t convince you to go hang out in Yellow, can I?”

Dana glared at him, not even dignifying it with a response. “Lead the way, boss.”

Jack made a face, and headed into Trauma Two. “Don’t even joke about that.”

Dana smiled, but didn’t reply. Princess joined them as they took in the scene around them.

There weren’t nearly as many Reds as Jack may have feared, though it was also likely at least a couple had been taken up to surgery by now.

Langdon glanced over as they arrived, eyes wide as he worked to place an intubation tube, and Jack immediately moved to assist.

“Sent Robby up for CT and x-rays,” he informed the younger man. “How’re we doing here?”

Langdon looked like he wanted more information, but set it aside to give the man a status update. “Sent four up to surgery. Got three more here with heavy bleeders, they'll go up as soon as surgery comes back down. Javadi’s managing Yellow with no issues. Most of them are smaller lacerations, and some who were here for more serious concerns but weren’t hurt in the explosion. I sent Santos and Whitaker to Pink. There were maybe a dozen in that section, mostly internal bleeding or deeper lacerations from what I heard. Another ten or so Yellows. The rest are Green, patients who can wait a little while for whatever brought them to the hospital in the first place, a couple likely fractures or breaks from being knocked down by the blast. Do we want to see about getting them transferred to Presby?”

“Gloria’s been handling the transfers for the rest of the hospital, we’ll get them taken care of. Good job, Frank,” Jack praised, and they worked together to finish stabilizing the last Red zone patient.

Once they seemed to be done with the immediate rush of treating patients and surgery had come to take the last of the Reds, Jack was able to get a more thorough report.

It wasn’t nearly as bad as the PittFest shooting from a couple years earlier. There had been thirty five patients in the ED between the rooms, hallway gurneys, and one trauma Jack had been in the middle of when the bomb had gone off – thankfully the guy didn’t have any further injuries from the incident and he had been able to get him stabilized before he had gone off to find Robby. He’d probably been one of the first sent up to surgery since Jack hadn’t seen him when he’d joined Langdon.

Between the nurses, doctors, and other staff who had been in the ED at the time, only one nurse was a Red zone with internal bleeding. Most had just insisted on bandages if needed (and in one case a wrist brace for what Jack was pretty sure was actually a break and not just a sprain or fracture, but he wasn’t going to make an issue of it yet) and then they were jumping back into the fray. There were a few housekeeping staff, techs, and nurses in Yellow and Pink from what Langdon said, but they were being taken care of. There were likely some more injuries that should be tended to now that the worst was over, and a lot of bruising, but Robby’s shout had given everyone approximately five seconds head start, and in this profession people tended to react quickly. The worst had hit the two patients on gurneys nearest the hub, and Robby himself – he and Dana had been the only two at the desk at the time and he had shielded her from the impact of the detonation.

The secondary blast zone had caused internal bleeding, some ear damage – more than one ruptured eardrum – and a couple penetrating traumas that by sheer divine intervention seemed to have missed anything immediately vital.

They actually had zero deaths from what Jack could tell – he’d know for sure once he heard back from surgery about everyone that was brought upstairs.

Police would be investigating, but Jack would place money on a homemade device, and not a very big one based on the amount of damage to both people and property. And they could only be thankful for that, it could have been so much worse.

Javadi checked back in while Jack and Langdon were talking, informing them that Yellow was stable, and a couple of their social workers had come down with doctors from other departments to move all the Greens as well as those in the waiting room up to Family Medicine. They'd be assessed and treated up there.

It was during her report that the techs wheeled Robby back in, lying on his back now. Javadi cut off mid-sentence, eyes wide. He was covered in dust, and his eyes were closed. He looked either asleep or unconscious, and he was still wearing the neck brace.

The techs left after informing Jack that the results would be back soon if they weren’t already, and Dana, who had been hovering as soon as she saw the gurney, hurried to find a tablet that wasn’t destroyed so they could check.

Javadi stepped up to Robby’s side, tentatively reaching out to grasp one hand lightly.

His hand moved and she startled, pulling away in surprise. Her eyes flew up to his, and he smiled softly, blinking slowly though his gaze couldn’t seem to quite focus on her face.

“’M fine,” he mumbled, though it wasn’t quite as reassuring as he maybe hoped it would be.

Jack moved to Robby’s other side. His gaze flicked over, and Jack rolled his eyes.

Dana was back before he could try any more BS platitudes, with tablet in hand. “Results,” she said simply, handing Jack the device. He took the tablet gratefully, and looked through the scans.

Several more nurses had gathered outside the open T2 door now that the patients were for the most part all taken care of – Mateo, Jesse, Perlah, Princess, Donnie, Emma – and Santos, Whitaker, Mel, and McKay had also reappeared when they saw Robby being wheeled back. Langdon leaned over Jack’s shoulder, trying to read the scans for himself even though the angle was weird and he couldn’t make much out. Javadi’s hand found Robby’s once more, and she squeezed gently.

Jack didn’t pay them any attention, he just looked up and focused on Robby. “No spinal trauma.” He could practically see the way the tension seemed to drain out of everyone gathered around, and motioned for Javadi to remove the neck brace.

Once that was gone, Robby looked back at Jack for more detail. He didn’t keep them waiting. “All signs point to concussion, but no swelling or brain bleed. Neuro will do a full check soon.” He glanced through the rest of the scans, looking for anything else that would need attention. “Ribs two and four are broken on the right, six broken on the left, and lucky number seven broken on left and right. That’s going to hurt like hell for a while. And a hairline fracture to your sternum too.” He gripped the tablet tightly, trying not to show any outward sign of worry but knowing that Robby could see right through him. “Looks like a couple minor liver and spleen lacerations, but I don’t think you’ll need surgery.” He glanced back at Langdon. “Get someone up there to confirm, just to make sure.”

Langdon nodded and immediately rushed off to do just that.

Whatever else might have been said was interrupted when Gloria forced her way through the crowd. She looked at Robby, relieved and annoyed that she had had to actually be worried about him. She turned deliberately to Jack. “I called some of the night shift to come in early, there are enough staff here to hand off now. I want all of you to get yourselves checked out and then get out of here. Police will want to conduct interviews but I told them to wait until tomorrow.”

Jack nodded gratefully, and gestured for everyone to submit themselves to the care of the fresh faces that had joined the crowd without them even realizing it.

Once they had all disbanded, Gloria looked between Robby and Jack. “We’re closing the ER until we can get it cleaned up, likely a few hours. But that’s not either of your problem.”

Jack attempted a smile, and Robby gave a slight twitch of his hand that seemed to indicate a thank you or a confirmation that he had heard, though his eyes stayed shut. Probably trying to block out the lights that had to be shooting daggers into his skull.

Gloria frowned in concern. Her expression softened a little, and she looked at Jack. He shrugged. “Waiting to confirm surgery isn’t needed, five broken ribs and the concussion’s going to be a bitch to kick.”

“Took a month last time,” Robby groaned, wincing at the sound of his own voice. “Weeks before the team at Landstuhl could actually turn the light on in my room without feeling like something was digging through my brain.”

Gloria looked confused, but neither one elaborated. So she filed it away and just focused on giving Jack any more pertinent information. “We’re opening the rest of the hospital back up and moving everyone outside back in, confirmed no structural damage. And no secondary devices.”

“Well that’s good,” Robby drawled. “Would hate to have the building collapse on us before anyone could let us know.”

“Be nice,” Jack admonished, but he had a smile on his face at seeing Robby act a little more normal. He looked back at the CMO. “Did they find whoever brought the bomb in?”

Gloria sighed. “Security gave police the camera footage, they’ll find them.”

“Blue backpack,” Robby muttered. “Came in by ambulance. Dana would have an estimated time.”

Gloria nodded. “I’ll make sure they know to speak with her,” she promised, and then hesitated briefly. “Get some rest, Robby. Your team did a great job today.” She seemed almost embarrassed to offer the praise, and didn’t wait for a response before turning sharply and going to find the PR team to begin working on a statement to share with the press.

Jack and Robby shared a look, before they were interrupted by Langdon who seemed to have been waiting for the CMO to leave. The new attending smiled brightly. “Shamsi confirmed no surgery. Said to get Robby up to ICU to monitor, but the lacerations look minor enough that they should heal on their own without intervention.”

Jack nodded, and Robby gave the new attending a thumbs up. Langdon’s smile widened, and he popped back out to go get himself cleared to leave.

Robby had definitely been putting on a good show when there were others observing, but now that it was just the two of them, his face seemed to go blank with tiredness. Jack was concerned, but not alarmed. He knew Robby hated worrying people.

He busied himself cleaning things up for a few minutes, and then turned back to the man on the gurney. “You want to get your back stitched up now?”

Robby didn’t speak, but gave a small nod that indicated agreement, so Jack pushed open the door and looked around to see who was available.

From a cursory glance, it looked like none of the residents had actually been close enough for anything concerning. They had all been working in the various triage zones so he had been pretty sure there was nothing major, but it was good to have confirmation that they hadn’t just been ignoring something wrong so that they could help. He could see McKay getting a couple of steri-strips put on a small cut on her cheek, and Javadi was showing Ellis a bruise on her shoulder, but the others looked like they had all been cleared already, and were now just milling around wondering if they needed to do anything else before getting the hell out of dodge.

He could similarly see nurses and other staff getting checked out or waiting to be seen, but other than the few that had been treated as part of the triage, nothing looked too bad. Dana had submitted to Lena’s stern glare and was letting Shen poke and prod her with a look that clearly said ‘I’m doing this under duress’ and ‘don’t you all have better things you could be doing?’

“Santos!” he called, gesturing for her to join him. She looked over, as did most others in the room. “I could use some help with stitches.”

She nodded quickly, pushing off the wall she had been leaning against next to Whitaker, who also looked a little disheveled but completely unharmed.

Langdon looked disappointed to not have been asked, but Jack knew that of all the doctors here, Santos was the only one who might see Robby’s scars and say absolutely nothing. He was pretty sure the man had shown her some at one point, he knew they had connected over a similar history of asshole parents.

He looked at the R3. “Grab a suture kit and some lidocaine?”

She nodded and headed off to get the required materials, and Jack glanced back at the others. “Day shift, finish up and get out of here, get some rest. The EAP is available for anyone who needs it, and if you need more time off just let us know, no questions asked. Good job today, everyone.”

He didn’t wait for a response and just ducked back into the trauma room. As far as a rallying speech went that was pretty pathetic, but he really wasn’t good at that kind of thing. The inspirational speeches were more Robby’s forte. He was good at standing in the background and looking intimidating.

Santos was right behind him entering the room, and she started setting up in silence.

Robby’s eyes were closed again, but by the slightly too tight jaw he was definitely aware of their presence.

Jack moved to his side, and he blinked slowly, wincing as the light sent pulses of pain through his skull. Jack gestured for Santos to turn off the overheads and draw all the curtains to block out as much as possible. “Think we can get you on your side?” he asked quietly.

Robby tried to take a deep breath, and then aborted it when he felt the pain flare in his chest. Oh yeah, five broken ribs. He grit his teeth and nodded. “Just do it,” he grumbled.

Jack nodded to Santos, and together they got Robby onto his left side so that his back was exposed. Santos handed him a pillow that he could curl around to try and cushion his front a little, but Jack vowed to do this as quickly as possible. Lying on his back was probably painful as hell too, but this had to be worse.

Santos turned on a small spotlight so that they could see what they were doing without needing the overhead lights, and no one spoke as Jack got the lidocaine injected in several places to account for the multiple lacerations they needed to stitch up.

“Who was shot?” Jack finally asked, seeing Santos’ confused gaze seek him out. Robby’s eyes remained closed, and he didn’t reply. Jack frowned. “Earlier. You said ‘don’t shoot’.” Robby’s fist clenched tightly around the pillow. Santos’ eyes widened though her hands remained steady as she started threading the needle for the sutures.

“Talk to me, man. I thought I knew everything by now, but I’m drawing a blank here.”

He let Santos take the lead with the stitching, and rested a hand lightly on Robby’s shoulder. His thumb ghosted over the old scar from where he’d been shot during PittFest, and he felt Robby take a shuddering breath.

“I never told you why MSF really insisted I take those two months off after Congo.”

The words were spoken quietly, and slightly muffled by the pillow. Jack raised an eyebrow. “You said they wanted to make sure you didn’t burn out, you’d been going nonstop for a couple of years.”

Robby didn’t open his eyes, but he grimaced with something like an apology. “I didn’t want to worry you.”

Jack’s gaze narrowed. “Consider me officially worried.”

“The attack in Ituri Province?”

Jack’s eyes snapped over to Santos, surprised. How did she know what Robby was talking out?

Robby jerked slightly, and Santos winced. “Sorry,” she muttered. Jack gave her a searching look, and she went back to her stitching. “I Googled Robby a couple years ago. After you guys mentioned the broken femur and Iraq, I was curious. And then I Googled all the crises that were going on in the countries his hospital profile said he’d volunteered in with MSF. There was a really old news article about a massacre that happened in a town in Ituri that MSF doctors had gotten caught up in. It didn’t mention any names, but the timing fit,” she threw an apologetic look at Robby though he couldn’t see it at this angle and with his eyes closed.

Jack frowned. He had kept track of news coming out of whatever countries Robby was in during those few years, but he didn’t remember reading anything about MSF doctors being attacked.

“There was a kid with a backpack,” Robby whispered. Jack was immediately drawn out of his thoughts as he focused on his friend. “I remember seeing him, and not thinking anything of it. Kid couldn’t have been more than fifteen, sixteen. If that.” He let out a soft huff. “We were in a small village. Not sure it was even that big actually, maybe a hundred people living there total. Lots of sickness, we just wanted to help.”

Jack remembered the words Princess had translated earlier. We’re here to help.

Robby coughed, and then winced. Jack almost thought about telling him to stop talking and they’d discuss it later, but the man seemed determined to get this out now that he had started. “I saw the kid drop his backpack in the town square. It was weird but I was busy, we were all busy. I forgot about it. Until everything just… blew up.”

Santos gasped, but then ducked her head and continued working, trying not to draw more attention to herself. She was afraid if Robby thought too hard about the fact that she was there, he’d clam up. She felt like they were close, but not ‘share all the ways I’m fucked up’ close. Though they could be almost there, if the last couple years were any indication. She was getting used to regular 'family' dinners that more often than not also included Whitaker, Javadi, and/or Mel and Mel’s sister Becca, and going to him whenever she had a problem, on or off the job. It was a little scary, realizing just how much she had come to rely on him when she had once promised herself never to trust anyone ever again. The Pitt had a way of stripping all that aside and giving you a family whether you wanted it or not.

Trinity wanted it.

“It knocked everyone down, felt like an earthquake or something. Everything shook, a couple houses collapsed, they weren’t exactly sturdy structures. We were starting to pick ourselves up when a couple cars drove in.” Robby shuddered. “They just opened fire. Didn’t say anything, didn’t demand anything. Just started killing.”

Jack’s grip on Robby’s shoulder tightened, but he didn’t interrupt.

“There were five of us on that assignment. They gathered us into the square, and then just… left.” Robby shook his head slightly, but seemed aware enough to keep mostly still so that Santos could stitch without worry. “I was so sure I was going to die there, but they just dumped us on the ground and then got in their cars and drove away. None of the locals survived.”

Even though he knew that was where the story was heading, Jack still felt it like a punch to the gut. “I’m sorry, man.”

“Our transport was shot to hell. We had a satellite phone and were in the middle of nowhere and hours away from the nearest city. Managed to make contact with HQ but it took them about twelve hours to get someone out there to pick us up. Got sent back to Brussels to debrief, and that was it.”

Jack bit his lip. “Why didn’t you ever tell me?”

Robby didn't reply, and Jack felt like an idiot for making this about him. “Don’t worry about it. I get it.”

“Wasn’t hurt,” Robby’s shoulder twitched a little, in a facsimile of a shrug. “Talked to a psychiatrist in Brussels, they wanted to make sure my head was on right. And then I just figured, I should move on.”

“And Iraq was your idea of moving on,” Jack couldn’t help himself.

Robby didn’t answer for a long moment. “They needed a doctor. I was available.”

Like that explained everything. And actually, Jack thought frustratingly, from Robby’s perspective it did.

So rather than try and argue the point, he just turned to observe Santos’ work. “How’re we looking?”

Santos tied off another knot. “Almost done. Looks like maybe one more that needs sutures, but these smaller ones could just be disinfected and covered.”

Jack looked, and nodded in agreement. All told, there were four deeper cuts that had been taken care of varying in length from an inch to the longest at four inches, with one more by his left shoulder to go. A dozen more scrapes marred most of his back, but Santos was right, they didn’t actually need anything other than antibiotics and a clean bandage.

“Ok, let’s get this finished up, and then we can get you upstairs. How’s your pain?” He looked over Robby’s shoulder, hoping to catch his gaze, but the man’s eyes remained stubbornly closed – either to avoid Jack’s inquisition, or because of his headache.

Robby’s mouth tightened, and Jack knew that what was about to come out would be a total and complete lie.

“I’m fine.”

Jack glanced at Santos, and she bit her lip. “Acetaminophen?”

Jack nodded. “Can’t really do anything more for at least a couple days.” Fucking concussion. He wanted to give Robby something to knock him out and let him begin to heal, but they had to avoid any sleep aids or narcotics. Anything stronger than Tylenol could mask potential symptoms. The next few days were really going to suck.

Santos finished the last bit of stitching in silence, and then left the room to grab the meds. Jack made quick work of applying a topical antibiotic, fingers ghosting gently over Robby’s skin and feeling him shudder underneath.

Then he applied a few bandages, and nodded gratefully at Santos when she returned, smiled thinly at their boss and set the pills down on the table, and then left again.

Jack moved around so that he could look at Robby directly. “You can lie back now, if you’d like. Not gonna be fun on all those lacerations, but it’ll be easier to breathe.”

Robby grit his teeth, and let Jack help him roll back.

Jack set the gurney up so he wasn’t lying flat, and then tried to think of what to say. In the awkward silence, he handed Robby the Tylenol, and a cup of water, and waited until he had swallowed the meds.

He had never had this problem before.

Jack was used to being the one who had seen all the heavy shit. He had been in several war zones, left the lower part of his leg behind on a battlefield, and had the nightmares and PTSD to show for it.

He knew Robby had seen some bad things during his time with MSF, but he hadn’t thought – hadn’t let himself think – that it was anything more than treating way too many people in unsanitary conditions with less than no supplies. Outside of that one incident in Iraq of course. Perhaps he had foolishly imagined that being a doctor would mean any potential hostiles would give Robby and his teams a wide berth, or preferential treatment.

And they had, in Congo. But that didn’t mean shit when Robby still had to live with the memories of everyone dying around him and thinking he was going to be next.

Jack hadn’t actually spent much time with Robby after med school and before he'd wound up back in the states in a hospital bed missing part of his leg. They’d both been busy with Jack completing basic training and then being assigned to the Army hospital in Germany where he’d done his first tour and residency, and Robby in New Orleans doing his own training before he’d joined MSF. Emails had gotten them through his years with the Army while Robby traveled to the forgotten corners of the world, and Robby’s year of recovery after his injury. They’d managed a couple visits when Jack was back in the US between tours overseas, though with Robby in Pittsburgh and Jack in Georgia there hadn’t been a lot of opportunity so email was their lifeline through Robby starting at PTMC, the few months he had gone back to New Orleans to help after Hurricane Katrina, and up until the attack that had cost Jack the career in the Army he wasn’t sure he wanted anymore.

Robby had been the first person he’d seen when he’d woken up at Walter Reed Medical Center in DC. Christine had had two months left on her tour and hadn’t been able to get permission to go home early, so Robby had promised to stay by his side until she could join them.

Jack felt guilty for never checking in, never digging for more. Robby had been one of his lifelines pulling him back from the edge when the memories threatened to overwhelm him. Robby and Chris.

And then just Robby.

Why hadn’t he asked, just once in the last almost twenty five years?

“Stop thinking so loud,” Robby’s rebuke drew him out of the spiral of thought, and he looked up to see Robby had cracked one eye open to a slit. “I never told you. I should have.”

Jack sighed. “Sorry, man. I don’t mean to make it about me. I should have been there for you.”

“You were,” Robby said as forcefully as he could, though his voice was still a little weak. “I promise I’m ok, brother. Working through all that shit in therapy and everything. Maybe a couple decades late, but I got there eventually, right?”

Jack nodded slowly. He remembered giving Robby the number to his therapist, a little over a year ago. Robby had gotten a referral and ran with it, though it had taken a few tries to find someone he gelled with. He was glad that it seemed to be working, Robby had a lot of trauma to unpack.

“You know you could have told me back then, right?” He hated how hesitant he sounded.

Robby grimaced. “I know I could have, I just…” he sighed, and then tried to force both eyes open so he could actually look at Jack. The stabbing behind his eyes returned though, and he regretfully closed them again. “Look, Jack, you were dealing with active war zones. I know I was in one too for a while, but having people shoot at me wasn’t actually a normal every day experience. It just felt… like you had enough to deal with and I didn’t want to drop anything more on you.”

And Jack hated that, but he could kind of understand Robby’s thought process back then.

A hesitant knock interrupted them, and Jack glanced over to see Santos at the door, shifting awkwardly from one foot to the other. “ICU bed’s ready,” she informed them.

Jack nodded. “Thanks Santos. Now get the hell out of here.”

Trinity grinned, but then glanced over at Robby and her smile dropped.

Even though his eyes were closed, Robby could still feel the mood change, and he raised a hand slightly. “Get some rest, Trinity. I’ll see you soon.”

It was probably meant to be some reassurance that he’d be back to work soon, but Santos vowed to check on him first thing in the morning, and as often as she could until he was discharged (and then as much as she could conceivably get away with without looking too desperate after he went home).

There were a lot of things Trinity wanted to say in response, but she just knocked twice on the doorframe in acknowledgement. “You get some rest yourself, Doctor Robby. We’ll check in on you later.” And then she pushed herself away and went to go find Whitaker so they could get the hell out of there.

Jack watched her leave, and then turned back to Robby. “For the record, I want your shit dropped on me.” That was important enough that Robby opened his eyes again, and whatever expression was written across Jack’s face must have convinced the man that he meant it, because his gaze softened and he inclined his head, just once. Jack almost smiled. “Good. Let’s get you upstairs.”

XXX

Robby glanced around the packed living room, and couldn’t stop the smile from creeping in.

Mel, Javadi, Santos, and Whitaker were locked in an intense game of Scrabble across the coffee table, all four on the floor and arguing about whether ixnay was an actual word and if it could be played.

Jake was spread out on the couch next to Robby, textbook propped up on his knees as he studied for midterms. He had been coming by most evenings since Robby’s discharge from the hospital a week ago, even though he told the kid to focus on his studies. Sophomore year was kicking his ass, but he was managing to stay ahead with a little help from the many doctors in his circle – Jack had lorded it over Robby for a week when Jake had informed them that he was choosing Biology as his major, though he had made sure Jake knew to go to his pseudo dad for help with the chemistry-related classes. Jake was not looking forward to Organic Chemistry after hearing the way Jack talked about it.

(Robby just declared that he would always come in first since he was paying for most of Jake’s schooling – he’d opened the college fund about six months after he’d started dating Janey, and had kept adding to it without reservation even after they’d broken up. There was enough in there for Jake to attend both undergrad and med school without needing to worry about loans, which had caused Janey to burst into tears when Robby had told both of them at Jake’s graduation. She’d done her best to save, but was well aware that medical school was outside of her capabilities, and with Robby’s help they could both make sure that Jake could focus on school without worrying about books, food, or lodging).

Robby had hardly been alone since the bomb. He had spent two days in the hospital before everyone was convinced enough that he was out of the danger zone for internal bleeding and worsening head trauma and let him go home. Neurology came to do regular checks, but with no signs of bleeding or swelling, they relaxed by the second day and decided he could recuperate at home (with the caveat that he have someone with him for at least the first week, and would come back if any symptoms appeared or his headaches got worse. Being a doctor himself, and since the person keeping an eye on him would also be a doctor, they were less concerned than they might be with someone else).

His hospital room had been a parade of visitors, reminiscent of the last time he had had a lengthy hospital stay a couple years earlier after the PittFest shooting. At least this time it wasn’t quite as bad, though the incident being in their place of work had many of the staff on edge.

Dana had come in first thing the following morning, with her husband and both kids. The kids – not really kids anymore, Bethany was a senior at UPitt and Caroline had just started her freshman year – seemed to be refraining themselves from actually jumping on his bed as they surrounded him on both sides and gave him hugs that were just a little too tight for comfort but could have been much worse as they thanked him for saving their mom.

Robby had met Dana’s gaze across the room and tried to give her a nonverbal rebuke for pinning this heroism on him, but she just stared back unamused. Benji had thanked him as well, and the group hadn’t stayed too much longer before Dana ushered them out and promised to check in on him during her break later.

The visits hadn’t stopped. Shamsi had come in once, which surprised Robby. They had started to get along better after Victoria’s drugging experience at the bar a year and a half earlier, but he still remembered when Eileen had discovered her daughter’s plans for her future career. Shamsi had trapped him in the office he only sometimes remembered he actually had, and yelled at him for five minutes for… something… He had managed to shut her up briefly by asking if she was actually mad that her adult daughter was acting like an adult.

Which had just started more yelling as soon as she recovered, where Robby was finally able to discern that she blamed him for pulling Victoria away from a respectable career in surgery - but then before Robby could try and form a defense, she also told him she expected nothing less than for him to turn her daughter into the best Emergency Medicine specialist in the country.

There had been another office visit over the summer, when Eileen had learned that Victoria was planning to move out of their home now that she was a resident, and Robby was left wondering how the hell he became Eileen Shamsi’s confidant or parenting buddy. He tried to give her support while still keeping Javadi’s confidence (she had definitely complained to him on a few occasions about how she felt like she couldn’t truly spread her wings in the field while still carpooling with her parents. It was bad enough that she was doing her residency at their hospital but PTMC had one of the best Emergency Medicine Residency programs in the country) and eventually Shamsi caved and stopped trying to convince Victoria to give up her plans. It helped that the kid wasn’t planning to live on her own – Whitaker had been the one to suggest they all move in together, and the trio was now in the process of searching for a three bedroom apartment that wasn’t too far from the hospital and didn’t cost an arm and a leg.

Javadi, Whitaker, Santos, and Mel came by as a group a couple of times, before and after their shifts. Robby loved seeing the residents together. They were closer than any other group he’d taught over the years he’d been at PTMC, and some of that could be down to the types of situations they’d experienced together: the MCI at PittFest on Whitaker and Javadi’s first day of their Emergency Medicine rotation, the Fourth of July cyber attacks, that whole mess where Javadi was drugged, and now this bombing incident. Trauma was good for bringing people together.

Langdon had visited him a few times as well, his worry not diminishing even though Robby really thought there was no need for it. Frank had been surprised when Robby had told him there was an open attending spot that summer, thinking that the hospital probably just wanted to push him through his R4 year and then get rid of him – it was better for them to avoid the stigma of having a resident fail out of the program rather than just quietly have him move on. But Robby convinced him that this wasn’t the end of any chance he had at being a successful doctor, and there were plenty of healthcare professionals who had battled and beat addiction and continued to treat patients without issue.

Seeing Robby down had really terrified Frank, who was well aware of just how much the ED Chief had done for him; and despite several decades age difference, he considered the older man a good friend.

Jack was in and out again, same as he had been a couple years ago. The ED had been back up and running by the time night shift should have been reporting for duty if it had been a normal day, and Jack was once more griping to Robby about making him do admin work.

Hopefully it wouldn’t be for quite as long this time, but screens would be an absolute no-go until the concussion symptoms resolved.

Robby had even gotten some check-in calls, which was really sweet if unexpected. Collins had called Jack once she saw the news, knowing he would be the best bet for her to get a hold of Robby. They had kept it brief, she was still dealing with a toddler and had to get to her shift, but she wrangled a promise for Robby to come out and visit at some point after he was feeling better, before she hung up.

Samira had also called, using McKay as the medium. She had by sheer accident actually been visiting Robby at the time, and happily put the phone on speaker. Samira had finished her residency in June and had recently started a fellowship in Social Emergency Medicine at Johns Hopkins Hospital. She had claimed it was thanks to Robby she had gotten the spot, however much he tried to tell her it was her own skills and experience. All he had done was connect her with one of the residents he had become friends with when he was a med student, who was now the hospital’s CMO, and written her a letter of recommendation. She had done the rest.

Samira had gotten a text from McKay late in the evening of the incident, because the R4 didn’t want her to hear it somewhere else and panic, but hadn’t actually seen the message until sometime the next morning. And she had still panicked.

Robby was getting tired of telling people the he was ok, but figured it would probably be a lot more convincing if he wasn't trying to make the claim from a hospital bed.

He was thankful when they finally let him go home, late in the afternoon on the second day after the explosion. Jack was of course there to handle the discharge and drive him, tossing him a jacket to drape over his head if he needed to block out the last rays of the dying sun.

Once home, the visits still kept coming, with Janey and Jake stopping by separately and together – Jack had let the college student know, but it turned out that Victoria had actually beaten him to it. UPitt had a program for pre-med undergrads to pair with med school third and fourth years as mentors, and by some sheer luck Jake had been paired with Javadi the year before, and they kept in touch.

Langdon came once with Abby and the kids, but they didn’t stay too long after seeing the way Robby winced every time Tanner’s voice creeped up in volume the way it happened so often with young kids. (It was nearing Penny’s nap time when they visited, so she was mostly content to just curl up on the couch next to Robby and cuddle, but Tanner was a menace wrapped in the body of a six year old and didn’t always understand the concept of ‘inside voice’).

Mel brought Becca one evening, after double checking with both Robby and Jack. Becca had been upset to see Robby looking so sick, so Mel had decided it probably would be best to wait until he was feeling better before bringing her again. The resident really hadn’t been expecting her ED Chief to become so firmly intrenched in her life as a mentor and parental-type figure, but it had happened without her even realizing it. She hadn’t had anyone to turn to like this since her parents had died years ago. Since then, she had been running herself ragged as Becca’s primary caregiver until she had managed to get her sister into the facility in Pittsburgh. It had just been the two of them against the world until a year and a half earlier, when Robby had opened his home to her after a disastrous night out that had shaken her way more than she wanted to admit. She had started coming to him more after that, which had then turned to more meet ups outside of work with the others – Robby had told her that Trauma Was Bonding (was it weird that she had practically heard the capital letters in that phrase?), and that it would make sense for them to feel closer emotionally after what they went through together. She hadn’t minded but had still felt pulled in multiple directions splitting her time between the group of colleagues and her sister, until Robby had told her to bring Becca along the next time she came over for dinner.

Mel had been a little worried to have the two sides of her life meet, but now, a year later, she wasn’t sure why. Becca loved Robby, and Robby was really good with Becca. She wondered if Robby had neurodivergent people in his family, or if he was able to connect with her sister so well because he just didn’t try and treat her differently. It was like he handled her autism by just accepting it as a part of her and treating her the way he would anyone else. He never got upset when she had a meltdown or tantrum, he just let her be her in a safe space.

He made a point to learn what types of snacks and drinks she liked best and then just filled his pantry with them. Mel had nearly started crying when they had come over one evening to find that he had picked up a copy of Becca’s favorite book series, and a whole set of arts and crafts supplies. Becca loved to paint.

She was still trying to figure out how to properly thank Robby for everything he had done for her and her sister, and seeing him in pain like this, still struggling to sit in a room with the lights on and wincing every time he even shifted in his seat, made her stomach churn uncomfortably.

-----

Robby didn’t realize he had fallen asleep, but he certainly felt it when he woke up.

He inhaled sharply and twitched violently, and then groaned as his entire chest flared in pain.

The quiet conversation on the floor stopped as they all turned to him, and Robby really wished he had been better at controlling that reaction. “I’m fine,” he assured them.

Well, tried to. His voice was probably a little too breathy and winded for them to believe anything he said right now.

Jake set aside his textbook and sat up, reaching out as if to check for himself, but then realized that of all the people in the room he was the least qualified to check anything.

Jack popped his head in, looking appropriately concerned. “Did he try to get up?”

“Not yet,” Santos replied, shifting forward as if to start collecting vitals.

Robby glared between the group of residents and Jack. “He is right here, and he is fine.”

His voice sounded a little stronger that time, but it still didn’t seem to do much to reassure anyone.

Jack rolled his eyes and turned to head back into the kitchen. “Dinner in five!” he called out behind him.

Once Jack was gone, Robby closed his eyes again, tilting his head back against the couch and trying to will the pain to recede. He wasn’t sure how long he’d been asleep, but he was probably still at least an hour away from being able to take the next dose of Tylenol. Jack had asked him if he wanted a prescription for something stronger once he was out of the danger zone for the concussion, but Robby refused. He didn’t like depending on heavy drugs if he could help it, no matter how much Jack tried to convince him that five broken ribs and a fractured sternum was about as good an excuse as you could get. He just didn’t like the way they made everything foggy and distant.

Everyone seemed to be waiting for Robby to give them some sort of signal for what to do, wanting to step in to help but not sure he’d appreciate it.

After a minute, Robby opened his eyes again. “Jake, why don’t you go set the table.”

Jake immediately stood up to comply.

Santos and Javadi started tidying up the coffee table, while Whitaker went to go see if Jack needed any help.

Mel moved from the floor to the couch next to Robby, waited a beat, and then offered her hand.

Robby looked at it for a moment, debating, but then with a sigh took the hand and let her help him to his feet.

There were a few things Mel had observed about her boss over the last couple years. One of them being that he didn’t ask for help often, or really ever. It was like he didn’t know how, which confused her. But she also saw the way he provided his own support to those around him. If he thought someone needed it he was more of the seek forgiveness rather than ask permission kind of person. He’d just do what he could without hesitation or waiting for them to reach out. He’d figure out what he could do that might make their life easier, and then he’d just do it.

So she figured, maybe she should try that. She was surprised when he actually accepted her hand, but made sure not to show it, not wanting him to change his mind.

He let go once he was vertical, but she hovered nearby as he made his way into the dining room for the first time since he’d been released from the hospital. He’d been pretty much moving between his bedroom and couch for the last week, eating meals in the living room and trying to ignore the pain and not crawl out of his skin from boredom in between naps. Jack reminded him that this was normal, but he was sick of it. He just wanted to be better. He wanted to be able to turn the lights on, watch TV, use his laptop.

Well, maybe not his laptop, he was sure he had a mountain of work that was just piling up and he wasn’t looking forward to that.

He wanted to be able to breathe without feeling like glass shards were shredding his lungs.

He wanted everyone to stop looking at him like he was about to break.

He wanted to be able to sleep through the night without seeing people with guns shooting everyone around him and waiting for them to turn on him.

But he couldn’t say any of that out loud without Jack getting even more worried than he was, so Robby just buried it all like usual and let himself sink into the conversation around him, listening but not participating and thankful that no one seemed to expect it of him.

-----

Jack sighed when the door closed behind Jake, who had been the last to leave as he had debated whether or not to spend the night. But Robby had convinced him that he needed to focus on school, so the kid reluctantly went to go catch a train back to campus.

Jack was glad that Robby had so many people who cared about him, but he also knew how much Robby hated showing weakness. He didn’t want any of the kids to see him struggle. Jack really hoped he was working on that in therapy, but it was a marathon not a sprint.

They had migrated back to the living room after dinner, but now that it was just the two of them Robby looked ready to call it a night.

Jack watched in silence as the man disappeared into his bedroom, hearing the water kick on in the ensuite bathroom. It took a few minutes, but then the noise settled down and he took that as his cue.

Robby was in bed, lights off, curled on his side facing the far wall.

Jack stayed quiet as he went through his own routine. Usually if he was spending the night and Robby was here, he’d take the guest room upstairs unless his leg was really bothering him, then he’d either take the unfairly large couch or share with Robby.

After thirty five odd years of friendship, they really had no secrets and no barriers between them. Robby had opened up his bed to Jack many times when he knew Jack needed to not be alone.

But this wasn’t for him. He had seen the way Robby’s walls had gone back up over the last week, and he was worried. Robby hated being sick or injured. It was true that doctors made the worst patients, but this was something more.

Jack had heard him moving around in the middle of the night, had seen the way he’d jerk awake with a gasp and then wince and grasp at his chest. Robby wasn’t sleeping well, and with his injuries he really needed to be sleeping well.

Robby didn’t stir when Jack sat on the edge of the bed, removing his prosthetic before tucking himself under the covers. God bless Egyptian Cotton.

They laid there quietly for a few minutes, and Jack knew Robby wasn’t actually asleep though he was making a good effort to look like it.

Finally, “I don’t need a babysitter.”

Robby’s voice was quiet, and Jack glanced over. The man was still on his side with his back to Jack, but even in the darkness the vet could see the lines of tension across the man’s shoulders.

There were many ways he could respond to that, but he went with, “If I was your babysitter I’d be getting paid to be here.”

No response.

Jack sighed, and shifted onto his side as well so that he was facing Robby, even if the aggravating man wouldn’t do the same. “I’m here because I care, brother. Because I want to be there for you the way you’re there for everyone else. Because you’re hurting and I want to help make it better.”

He fell silent and waited. After a long moment, Robby let out a low sigh. “You don’t have to worry about me so much.”

Jack couldn’t stop the snort that came out. “Yeah, you know that’s not gonna happen. I always worry. Maybe if you were better at remembering that you’re a human being with human needs every once in a while it’d be different.”

Robby twitched slightly, but otherwise didn’t respond.

Jack turned onto his back, staring up at the ceiling. “You know if there’s anyone who might understand and definitely wouldn’t judge, it’s me.”

It took maybe two minutes for Robby to break the silence. “I was doing fine.”

Jack turned his head, not able to see much in the darkness, but he could practically feel the stress rolling off in waves. He waited.

Robby sighed again. “It’s been decades, I buried it, and then worked through it, it’s not something I really thought much about in the day-to-day.”

“But it’s hard to keep it down when something digs it back up and throws it in your face,” Jack commented idly. He could just make out the way Robby’s head bobbed slightly in a nod.

“It sucked.” Robby let out a weak laugh. “I seriously thought I was going to die in some random village in the middle of nowhere, and no one would have realized it for days. And the only thing I could think in the moment was, Jack’s going to find a way to bring me back to life so he can kill me himself.”

Jack snorted. “I’d do it, too.”

They lapsed back into silence for another minute.

“What was your first firefight?”

Jack glanced back over, startled though he probably shouldn’t have been. He’d given Robby generalizations when he talked about his tours. Never anything specific. He bit his lip, wondering if this would do more harm than good.

“December eleventh, 2001,” he finally replied, voice far away and caught up in memories. He could see Robby shift slightly, trying to catch a glimpse of him out of the corner of his eye without actually having to turn over. “I didn’t go out in the field often, can’t waste a valuable doctor. It was a special op, they needed medics on standby in case things went sideways. They went sideways.”

He fell silent after that, remembering.

Robby let him have that time, before he let out a long, shuddering breath. “It was the silence, for me. What stuck with me most.”

Jack nodded along, understanding immediately what Robby was talking about. “The ringing in your ears, you should be hearing everyone yelling and all the guns going off, but everything’s just… quiet. Like someone slapped some noise cancelling headphones on you without your permission.”

Robby flinched slightly. “Yeah,” he agreed. “I’d seen war movies before, and sometimes they'd simulate it, but usually the sound would kick back in and you’d hear it all… But that never happened. I don’t think I heard anything again until the cars were driving away. We were all just lying there on the ground, and then suddenly we were alone and the only ones alive in the middle of a graveyard.”

Jack winced. “You couldn’t have done anything,” he said softly. “If you’d tried to fight back they likely would have just killed you all.”

Robby nodded reluctantly. “I know. It doesn’t really help, but I know there was nothing I could have done. I knew it then, too.”

“But it still doesn’t help,” Jack turned back to face him, and rested a hand on his shoulder, squeezing gently. “Hate to break it to you brother, but you’ve always done that.” Robby turned his head towards him a little more, confused. Jack sighed. “You always feel guilty for those you couldn’t save. No matter how bad they were before they got to you, you always think you could have done more. I really hope your therapist is helping you work on that.”

Robby jerked his shoulder, and then inhaled sharply as the motion sent a stabbing pain through his chest.

Jack sat up quickly, ready to check if Robby needed anything, but the man waved him off and focused on taking slow steady breaths. After a minute, it seemed to be working as the pain receded.

Jack lay back down hesitantly.

“I don’t think I’m God,” Robby said, a biting edge that told Jack he needed to tread carefully. “I know I can’t save everyone.”

Jack rolled his eyes. “I don’t know one doctor worth the time and money spent on their degree who doesn’t have a God complex at times. But that’s not what I meant.” He could hear the question, even if Robby didn’t actually verbalize it. “You can know that you couldn’t have done any more and still feel guilty, Robby. The two aren’t mutually exclusive.”

Robby grit his teeth, ready to argue the point, but then the fight seemed to drain out of him and his shoulders drooped. “I know. I just, I became a doctor because I wanted to help people, and it sucks when I can’t do that.”

“I know, brother,” Jack commiserated, voice sympathetic. “I don’t like seeing you fall into a spiral, tearing yourself up over what-ifs. You’re always telling residents to trust their instincts and not second guess themselves.”

Robby let out a low breath. “Everyone’s got regrets, Jack. Life’s about living with them and learning not to let them consume you, right?”

Jack stared. “Your therapist is a miracle worker.”

That startled a laugh out of Robby, which was then followed by a hiss of pain. “Fuck,” he groaned.

Jack winced sympathetically. “You good?”

Robby huffed. “Broken ribs fucking suck.”

“Yeah,” Jack agreed. “So maybe don’t jump in front of a bomb again, ok?”

Robby looked over, and Jack didn’t need to see his face to know that he was glaring. “I did not jump in front of a bomb. I was trying to pull Dana out of the way.”

“Your heroics are going to be the death of me,” Jack grumbled.

“So sorry my broken bones are causing you pain.”

The delivery was dry but Jack could hear the playful undertone. He chuckled. “So much pain. My brain is bleeding from all the paperwork. Seriously, man, we could just light it on fire and pretend we never got it?”

“Most of it's electronic, it wouldn't catch. Besides, the hospital would collapse without the paperwork to hold it up.” Robby sounded like he was really thinking about it though, so Jack counted it a win.

“I don’t say it nearly enough, but you’re really good at your job.”

That was out of left field enough that Robby felt it worth making the effort to turn over so he was actually looking at Jack now, as uncomfortable as it was.

Jack's mouth twitched slightly in something like a smile. “It’s not just the admin stuff, and God knows not every doctor is cut out to handle the reports and the scheduling and the political crap."

"I suck at the political crap," Robby cut in.

Jack had to concede that point, but he wouldn't be deterred. "You took the reins at the worst possible time, and handled it with such grace. Everything had changed and yet nothing did. Even when your world was falling apart, you stepped up. And then you kept stepping up.”

They were close enough that Jack could see Robby’s raised eyebrow in the darkness. “You’ve always been a great teacher, but when you took over the ED it’s like you went into hyperdrive. You’ve been doing it all, and doing it so well that I think sometimes you forget how to be on the other side of it.”

Robby frowned, confused. “The other side of what?”

Jack bit his lip. “The side that needs the help.”

Robby was still confused. “You’re always there when I need it. Maybe I don’t ask, but I’ve never doubted that if I need something you’ll be there.” Jack tilted his head slightly, and Robby shrugged.

“I’m not denying that I don’t know how to ask. I never have. If I showed any kind of weakness when I was a kid, my dad would have just used it as another excuse to beat me up.” Jack winced at that, but Robby kept going. “Yeah, unpacking a whole lot of shit in therapy. Turns out those boxes aren’t really as well organized and filed away as I pretended. But the point is, you never waited for an invitation. Not big declarations or whatever, but coming over after a tough shift to watch Game of Thrones, ordering me takeout when you find out I didn’t eat anything all day. You’re always there when I need it, and usually exactly how I need it too. Why do you not think that’s enough?”

Jack blinked, startled. He had always tried to offer support, but it never seemed like he was doing much. On some level, it made him feel sad, and really pissed off at the world, that Robby thought ordering him food and watching tv together was some sort of huge gesture. When he had been injured and sent back to the states, Robby had taken a leave of absence from work and basically been a live-in nurse for the first month after he’d been released from the hospital, bringing Jack back to Pittsburgh to stay with him since Jack didn’t really have a permanent home base now that he was done with the Army and didn’t want to go back to Georgia anyway. He'd casually given up his bedroom on the first floor until Jack was more comfortable at navigating stairs, renovated his guest bathroom, and redesigned the layout of everything to make it easier for Jack to move around. All without saying a word or even telling Jack he was doing it until it was done.

After Chris had died, Robby had brought him back to his house again, taking care of him and doing everything from forcing him to shower to making sure he ate at least twice a day, organizing funeral arrangements, and keeping the more annoying family members away and somehow managing to make them think it was their idea and not because Jack just really couldn’t deal with playing nice.

In the face of all that, takeout and medieval epic fantasies didn’t seem like such a big deal.

Robby was still waiting for an answer. He sighed. “It just seems like… you’ve done so much for me. It feels like I haven’t reciprocated.”

That led to another eye roll. “This friendship isn’t transactional, Jack. You help me how I need it, I help you how you need it.”

That made sense. Jack tried not to feel like he was still taking advantage, and made a mental note to bring this up with his therapist in his next appointment. He flipped onto his back and stared up at the ceiling. “For the record, I would totally help you shower and insist your second cousin go visit a deli on the other side of the city for the most authentic New York bagels because you absolutely need whatever shred of joy you can get in these trying times.”

Robby snorted. “He didn’t even hesitate to get in his car. That deli had closed a year earlier.”

“My hero,” Jack shot back fondly.

“It was too bad, too,” Robby commented regretfully. “Those were some fucking good bagels.”

That set Jack off. He started chuckling, and then full on laughing at the turn this conversation had taken. Robby let out a few huffs, but was actively trying to avoid anything that might jostle the still healing ribs, so Jack forced himself to calm down.

“God you’re so Jewish,” he couldn’t help himself.

“You don’t have to be Jewish to appreciate a good bagel,” Robby said seriously.

Jack let out a couple more chuckles.

When it looked like he’d gotten himself back under control, Robby also turned onto his back. “Well, good news is I don’t have any family to avoid, so you won’t ever need to send any of them on a wild goose chase.”

Jack grimaced. Robby looked at him out of the corner of his eye. “Too dark?” Jack glanced back, and he nodded. “Too dark.”

Jack shook his head. “Get some sleep, man.”

Robby seemed to hesitate at that. He really wanted to sleep, but wasn’t looking forward to another night of bullets and terror.

Jack knew immediately what the problem was, and reached over to grasp his arm lightly. “I’ll be here. And maybe call your therapist?”

Robby sighed, but nodded. “Gonna do it tomorrow.”

“Good.”

They settled back down, and Robby was silent long enough that Jack thought he may have actually fallen asleep until he heard the quiet, “Thanks.” So many feelings, packed into that one word that was delivered barely above a whisper.

In the darkness, Jack smiled.

XXX

TWO MONTHS LATER

Robby had been back at work for a month, but today was the first shift where he was fully cleared for all activities, and he was so looking forward to it.

Jack had greeted him that first morning he arrived in the ED with a hug and a “thank you god please take your crazy ass day shift back and how the hell are you people awake at this time of day?” but still hung around for hours ‘catching up on charting’ to Robby’s fond exasperation.

The last month had been light duty as his ribs continued to heal, with the understanding that if he needed to leave early or take longer breaks he absolutely would do it without complaint. Robby was definitely happy to be back even if everyone seemed to be waiting in the wings to jump in and take over if it looked like he was even remotely struggling with a task. He was fully adamant whenever he complained to Jack that he could be touched and still annoyed at the attention.

(Jack just reminded him of the one time he tried to help move a patient and ended up in a bed next door as they checked to make sure he hadn’t actually done any damage to his still healing ribs. Robby had rolled his eyes but let Jack have the win).

But his physical therapist had cleared him to resume all previous activity the day before, and he was looking forward to getting back to it.

“You’ve got the gleeful look of someone whose doctor told him he’s allowed to do all the things again,” Dana commented, sidling up to him as he leaned against the hub.

Robby glanced over and smiled. “Jumping back in with both feet.”

Dana rolled her eyes and then turned around to start rearranging the tablets. “As long as you’re sure. Would hate to have to drag you back to a bed because you overestimated yourself. Again.”

Robby groaned, and then went to sit at one of the computers to see if there was anything that needed his attention before the shift really kicked off. “That was an isolated incident. If I hadn’t tried to help, the patient would have ended up on the floor and likely worse off for it.”

“So instead you ended up worse off,” Dana looked at him over the top of her glasses.

Robby shrugged, but deliberately focused his attention on the screen in front of him with the air of someone choosing not to let himself be provoked. Dana smirked.

They worked in silence for a minute as more night shift workers headed towards the lockers and day shift started trickling in. Many people had a wave or a greeting or farewell for Robby as they walked by, and he answered each one in turn.

Finally, he exited out of the screen and turned around to face Dana. “So… how’s everyone doing?”

Dana looked up and raised an eyebrow.

Robby shrugged and took his glasses off, returning them to his pocket. “Been a couple months, and everything had been put back together well enough that you’d never know by the time I showed back up a few weeks ago. But I can still see it in the people. Is there anything I can do that could help?”

Dana sighed. She wasn't surprised that Robby had clocked onto the tension that seemed to permeate the ED even a couple months after the fact. Not many people were built to walk off a bomb like it was nothing. “What’s the only thing that can really make things better? Time. People are trying to get over it, but this was our place of work. It was supposed to be safe.”

Robby nodded in understanding.

Dana pursed her lips. “I don’t know if there’s anything that can really be done. Having you back full time and without any restrictions will help settle a lot of them.” She moved over to his side and rested a hand on his shoulder, squeezing gently. “It’s not the Pitt without you, Cap.”

Robby let out a small laugh and turned back to the computer.

Dana seemed like she was considering saying something else, but then the phone rang, cutting sharply through the regular ED noise. She moved over to answer as nurses and doctors paused what they were doing, waiting for further instruction. Robby stood up, ready to move depending on what she learned from the phone call.

After a minute, Dana hung up and then looked up at Robby. “MVA on 279, multiple vehicles, multiple injuries. First one headed in by chopper, ETA three minutes.”

Robby nodded, and then looked around at the crowd. Everyone was staring back, waiting for orders. Some eager, some apprehensive, but all ready to do their jobs. “All right people, let’s get to work.”

Notes:

On organic chemistry: I’m not a scientist. I sucked at math and science in school. But my mom, who was a professor at a medical school for her entire career, and my cousin who’s somewhere in the middle of her residency right now, both loved organic chemistry. My mom says it’s very polarizing: you either love it or hate it.

A couple episodes ago Robby mentioned that Jake was starting his senior year, but he was 17 in season 1, and most people turn 18 during their senior year, so unless his birthday is at the beginning of September it made sense for him to be a senior during season 1, which means he’d have been about to start his freshman year of college during season 2.

I know Samira and Al-Hashimi had that conversation about fellowships, but I did a little research for ideas, and social emergency medicine stuck with me as something that Samira might be drawn to – it’s basically a fellowship that prepares physicians to address social determinants of health, focusing on health equity, policy, advocacy, and community outreach.

Also, New York bagels are amazing. Nothing else compares.

Series this work belongs to:

• Part 7 of Rise Up