I Do It For Love

by Fidget

Summary:

Though Gackt may seem like the one in control, the true depth of his feelings places him in servitude to Hyde. Always.

50 Kinky Ways Challenge #29: Submissive

Gackt was on top, and Hyde was on bottom. There was never any question about that much. Even if Hyde's physical location could only be deemed 'top' in the academic sense of the word, he was still what would societally be referred to as 'the bottom'. It was what worked the best and seemed the most natural for them. It fulfilled the needs of both parties. Gackt loved to be in control, to seduce and see his partner swoon under his charms, to strengthen his reputation as a skilled lover and not simply one who was loved. For his part, Hyde suffered a dichotomy between his gender identities, and though one was satisfied by his life with his wife, there was a substantial portion of him which cried out to be held delicately, to be sweet-talked, to be wooed. They found in each other exactly what they needed.

In a way, this mutual need-fulfillment placed them solidly in the realms of a stereotypical relationship in which Hyde was the woman and Gackt, the man. Outside of the bedroom, and outside of what (had Hyde truly been a woman) biology dictated as the offensive and defensive positions, the dynamic was distinctly... different. It had been from the first conversation they had ever had.

For all his overbearing dominance in everything from conversations to simple dinner dates to sex, Gackt was, under it all, absolutely tripping over his stylish Italian shoes to please the older singer.

It had taken Hyde a while to realize it because during their first encounters, he had figured that Gackt's eagerness to treat him to things or go out of his way to make Hyde more comfortable was all part of a grander selfishness; Gackt wanted Hyde in his movie and was willing to bend over backwards to manipulate him into doing it. But contracts were signed, scenes were filmed, interviews and premiers attended, the whole business finished, and still Gackt brought flowers and paid for dinners. Hyde wasn't used to being on the receiving end of such treatment anymore, but he became reacquainted with it quickly once he realized that, maybe, Gackt hadn't been lying when he told the cameras that Hyde was exactly the sort of person he could fall in love with, and would do anything for.

To this day, it made Hyde smile to think of how frantic Gackt could become to fix his ill moods or apologize for some wrongdoing, or how earnestly happy it made the younger singer when Hyde would show him blatant, honest affection. It really seemed to call their dominant/submissive positions into question.

Lying on his back in Gackt's too-huge bed, staring up at his reflection on the ceiling as denoted by the glowing point of his cigarette, Hyde tried to feel each individual hair on his body as the cooling sweat dried and released them. He could also see Gackt, laying less than an arm's reach away on his back and shamelessly smoking as well, whole body presented in the reflection, stretched out and unabashed.

"Gacchan," Hyde said, voice somewhere between husky and simply languorous, smoke curling out of his mouth and giving the word a visible shape in the air above him. "What would you do for me?"

Gackt didn't answer, and Hyde could see the reflection of his face as he puzzled over the odd question. "What would I do for you? Do you need something done?" He looked up and met Hyde's eyes in the mirror.

"No. I was just wondering." Hyde took another drag on his cigarette and let himself drift comfortably into silence again. Gackt, however, seemed to be puffing away discontentedly.

Finally, the younger singer spoke up, beginning by clearing his throat. "Do... I not... do enough, somehow?" He queried rather awkwardly. Hyde looked into his face in the reflection and was almost amused by his troubled expression. He laughed a little under his breath.

"No. That's just it. You do... a lot. It's dangerous to ask you to do things for me because I know you will." He turned his head to look directly into his lover's eyes, still smiling. "So I wanted to know where the ceiling really was, I guess."

Gackt took a moment to stub out his cigarette, then turned to lie on his side and meet Hyde's gaze. His eyes, wide and deep brown, were intense, and Hyde found his playful smile slipping off his face.

"I would do anything for you, Hyde. People throw around the phrase, 'I would die for you' so that it holds no meaning anymore, but I wish it had never been said so that I could say it to you now. I would be torn apart alive, or suffocated, or burned, or skinned if it would help you. I would sacrifice any organ to save you, if you needed it. I could endure any searing pain if it would make you smile. My every asset -- my comfort and happiness, my money and property, my person and my life -- it all belongs to you."

Hyde smiled, almost uneasily. "You're making me sound like a pretty bad guy, assuming I want you to die or be tortured like that."

Gackt shrugged as well as he could lying on one shoulder. "You asked where the ceiling is. The answer is, there is none. I mean it when I say that I love you. I wouldn't say it if I wasn't prepared to back it up."

Hyde was wide-eyed in the dark, less comfortable than a few minutes before. It seemed like the only appropriate thing to do would be to return these vows with equal conviction, but... silent guilt filled Hyde's mind instead. He rolled back on to his back and stared at his own naked form in the mirror.

He absolutely loved Gackt, or he would have said so until now, but he was slightly disconcerted by this earnesty in the other man's eyes. He had never stopped to pose the question to himself, should there be a moment where it was truly himself or his companion, what the answer would be. It seemed morbid and disgusting to consider it before the unfortunate day it should become necessary.

"Hyde?"

Hyde turned to look back at Gackt, who was looking uncharacteristically shy, curled up on one side and peering at Hyde through his damp fringe. "I didn't mean to... freak you out."

"I... No! I'm not freaked out, I just..." He wasn't willing to explain his issue lest he break Gackt's heart. Gackt, however, was smiling knowingly.

"You don't need to feel like you owe me the same things I promise you," he said quietly. "I don't need an equal offering. It's enough that you're here..." Gackt's face was contracting on itself as if with monumental effort, and Hyde felt a moment of panic as he wondered if Gackt was going to cry, but he needn't have worried. Gackt was, after all, manly and stoic. He smiled, and his eyes, not hidden under the icey blue contacts that usually kept their emotions concealed, were nothing short of adoring. "I'll die for you, if only you'll live for me."

Hyde tried to think of something to say, but his heart seemed to be blocking his throat. Instead, he rolled over and took hold of Gackt's face between both hands, and kissed him deeply enough to hopefully dislodge the wayward organ from its borrowed location, and hoped this vow would never be put to the test.