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Lloyd couldn’t stop thinking about everything that had happened. Waking up with Yuan looming over his bed, finding out the truth about Kratos, and then Mithos…
It had been one thing after another, and Lloyd hardly had the chance to absorb the revelations before it had all come to blows. Now that he had finally been granted some downtime, however, Lloyd didn't know what to do with himself. He didn't want to sit still. The anxiety of wondering whether Kratos was alright, whether they’d be able to talk again, made it impossible for him to turn in for the night.
There was so much he wanted to ask him. Even if a part of him still wanted to turn away and deny everything. But he wouldn't. He couldn't.
"C'mon, Lloyd! Don't let something as trivial as your old man shake you up! You're still you, aren't you? Don't disappoint me like that!"
The sting of Zelos' words had helped clear his head back then, and they did so again now as Lloyd remembered them. Of course, they didn't make his restlessness ease in the least, but they did make Lloyd feel a little better. He wasn't sure what he would have done without Zelos' encouragement, but the knowledge that he could count on him to stop him from losing his way filled Lloyd with gratitude.
"I should tell him that, huh…?" Lloyd mused out loud as he continued his staring contest with the ceiling.
Feeling a little more decisive, Lloyd sat up and stuffed his feet back into his boots, intent on seeking Zelos out. Although they all had a long day, it was still early enough that he was confident that Zelos was still awake too, so Lloyd walked himself down to Zelos' room in just a few long strides through the inn's long hallways. Knocking on his door didn't draw him out though, and when he gave it another insistent try and was only met with silence, Lloyd realized that was because the room was empty.
"I guess he must have gone out…"
Lloyd frowned, unable to shake off the disappointment. He kicked the floor in a restless manner, and not wanting to head back to his room already, he decided to seek someone else out. When he stopped outside Genis' room, however, he heard Colette's voice speaking softly from the other side of the door. He couldn't make out what she was saying exactly, but it sounded comforting.
That made sense. Genis was struggling with his own share of revelations tonight too. Lloyd was struck by a pang of guilt for not having thought of coming to check in on him first.
Now that he was here though, Lloyd couldn't find it in himself to disturb either of his friends. He didn't want to put his own problems in the spotlight, not when Genis and Colette already had enough on their plates. So he stepped away quietly and decided to head outside instead.
It always felt colder than he expected whenever they were in Flanoir, and Lloyd regretted for a moment not having stopped by his room first to pick up his cloak, but he figured he would warm up sufficiently with enough movement. Plus, it was kind of nice, enjoying this sort of unusual weather. They'd had a few occasions of snow in Iselia before, but not often, and never like this, thick enough that his boots left deep imprints that marked his path. He almost felt bad for disturbing the quiet tranquility that blanketed over the town, though not enough to make him turn back. Instead, he found himself looking at all the other footprints everyone else had left behind. Did any of them belong to Zelos?
I wonder where he went. Maybe there's a bar around here?
If there was, Lloyd wouldn't have an easy time following him inside of it. Not that he wanted to, even if he did want to talk to him. Seeing Zelos drunk and flirting around with women wasn't his idea of a good time. He didn't think it was Zelos' idea of a good time either actually, but that didn't stop Zelos from doing that sort of thing whenever he had a chance to slip away from them.
Lloyd wished he could understand him better. They had gotten a lot closer over the course of their journey, but he could tell that Zelos was still holding things back. Lloyd wondered what it would take to get him to open up. He had a feeling it wouldn't take much more, not after having seen the way Zelos had looked at him today—fierce and expectant, in the way one would towards someone they held in high regard.
But despite trusting that feeling, Lloyd couldn't help but to feel impatient. A prickling sensation itched at the back of his neck, one that told him he shouldn't take Zelos' feelings for granted, nor take his eyes off him, and Lloyd wasn't the type of person who disregarded his instincts.
—Which was why, when he caught sight of a flash of red in his peripheral, he stopped in his tracks and zeroed in on it. That was Zelos' hair alright. Even with the hood of his cloak covering a good portion of it, the striking color stood out amidst the white canvas of Flanoir's landscape. But what really drew Lloyd's attention now that he was looking at him was Zelos' expression. His usual easy grins and levity were nowhere in sight. A frown sat in their place, deepening with irritation as he spoke with someone unseen.
Curious, not to mention concerned, Lloyd inched closer through the alleyway that stood between them. His footsteps were slow and cautious, leaving quiet imprints in the snow as he stuck close to the shadows.
"So that's it, then," Zelos was saying. "Pretty big task you're putting on me, don't you think?"
The voice that responded in turn made Lloyd suck in a sharp breath. He had to force himself to hold back a cough as the sting of the cold air sat in his throat, lest he be discovered.
"I am being watched, so I cannot interfere any further. Your cooperation is all I can rely on," Kratos said, looking remarkably put together for someone who had been grievously injured just hours ago.
"Hey, aren’t you being a little selfish, putting me in danger like this?" Zelos complained, likely thinking of the same thing. Regardless, Lloyd didn't like the sound of whatever it is they were talking about. Intent to get to the bottom of it, he shifted his weight forward, ready to barge in and demand answers, but Kratos' next words brought him to another halt.
"You want to help Lloyd, don’t you?"
Zelos stiffened. Lloyd had an even better view of his face at this proximity, so he saw every flicker of his expressions as he parsed through them. The shock that made his eyes widen, the rosy heat that gathered on his cheeks unwillingly, the tight press of his lips as he tried to reign his feelings in—but he couldn't quite manage; his voice gave away the genuine anger that Kratos' words had sparked.
"Funny you mention that," he bit out with a caustic sharpness that he wielded as skillfully as he did his own sword. "You show up claiming to want to do the same thing, and instead of actually putting in the work, you try to push all of your problems onto me. Worse yet, you do it to Lloyd too, pretending otherwise. Not exactly Father of the Year material."
Kratos, for his part, didn't flinch.
"I have no interest in discussing my family affairs with you," he said in an even tone that made Zelos' scowl visibly deepen.
"Oh? So you're saying you're heading to see Lloyd next? I'll advise against it in the case you're planning to fill his head with more of your nonsense, but if you're going to get on your knees and beg for his forgiveness instead, then by all means."
It was strangely flattering, seeing Zelos so riled up on his behalf, though it was hard to linger on why Lloyd felt that way when his d—when Kratos continued to look as impassive as the immutable snow around them.
"Chosen One. Will you do it?"
Perhaps Lloyd was reading too much into it, but the insistence in Kratos' voice felt terse this time. At the very least, something about it made Zelos hold his tongue for long enough to make a decision.
"Tch. Fine. Whatever, sure," Zelos said shortly, waving a hand between them with a quick flick of his wrist as if trying to swat away a bug. "I'll do it. But you better pull your weight later when the time comes for it," he added, his blue eyes narrowed in a warning look. "I'm really sticking my neck out here, and they're going to give me hell for it."
Although Kratos made no verbal promises, the silent nod that he gave in response seemed to satisfy Zelos enough to let the subject drop.
"Right, then. Unless there's anything else you plan to bother me with," he said in a sardonic voice that made it plain he wouldn't be entertaining any more of Kratos' requests, "I'm heading off. Do us all a favor and scram before trouble comes looking for us first, will you?"
He didn't let Kratos in get in another word. Within a couple of long strides, he walked right past him, not even sparing him one last glance. The sight of him leaving seemed to cut the invisible string that was holding Lloyd in place. His mind was scrambling to piece together what he had just seen and heard, but he had a feeling that if he left this chance slip, he would regret it. So he stepped forward at last, with his heart drumming loudly in his ears, and the movement alone drew Kratos' eyes his way. The uncharacteristic shock that jolted through the older man might have been a satisfying sight at a different point, but Lloyd's line of sight was still on Zelos, whose shrinking figure in the distance had him considering whether to call out to him.
"Lloyd—"
Kratos' stiff voice made Lloyd's attention snap back to look at him, however. And in return, the question that had been ballooning inside of him over the last several minutes burst out of him, cutting Kratos off.
"What were you two talking about?"
By the look on Kratos' face, Lloyd knew that he was going to have a hard time prying the answer out of him, but if Lloyd was known for anything, it was his stubbornness. So he set his jaw and squared his shoulders, keeping the memory of Zelos' stinging encouragement close to his chest.
He would get his answers. From Kratos first, and then Zelos.
The slow, drifting snow began to fall more heavily by the time Lloyd began to make his way back to the inn. Even with his gloves on, his fingers felt numb, a sign that he had been outside for too long, but despite that, he couldn't seem to make his footsteps hurry. The weight of everything he'd managed to drag out of Kratos sat heavily across his shoulders, and he didn't feel any lighter even after he finally got himself indoors and shook off the snow that had piled on top of him.
What did manage to snap him out of his funk, however, was the sight of Zelos standing outside of his door. The cloak he had worn earlier had been discarded, allowing Lloyd ample view to the way he was shifting his weight from one foot to the other, as if he was gathering the courage to knock.
"Uh—" Lloyd said before he could think his words through, prompting Zelos to swivel on his feet. The startled look that flicked across his face reminded Lloyd of the splash of honesty that Kratos had jerked out of him earlier, but the expression vanished just as quickly this time too as Zelos gave Lloyd a darting, calculating onceover.
"Well, you sure look rough," he said with a blunt lack of sympathy that was softened by the slant of his easy smirk. "Which tracks given the day you've had, but I wasn't expecting the wet dog look."
"Gee, thanks."
As if he needed the reminder. Lloyd grimaced and held his shoulders tight to keep himself from shivering. The movement drew Zelos' attention to Lloyd's curled hands and the chain of the pendant that hung from his fingers.
"Ah," Zelos voiced softly with a shifting look in his narrowing eyes. "So that's why you've been out late. You slipped to see a special someone and had a touching heart-to-heart, hm?"
Although he was half-right, the implication behind the all-knowing tone in his voice was all wrong, so Lloyd shook his head.
"It wasn't like that," he began, but Zelos put up a hand to stop him from continuing.
"No, no, you don't have to explain things to me," he said lightly as he stepped away from Lloyd's door with the expression of someone who had decided it would be best to part ways here and retreat.
"Who am I to judge someone for seeking out a midnight rendezvous anyway?" he added with a jaunty, lecherous little grin as he slipped around Lloyd to walk past him—but Lloyd didn't let him get far, latching on to his wrist to make him stop.
"Stay," Lloyd said when Zelos shot him a questioning look.
"It's late," Zelos reminded him, as if he thought Lloyd had somehow forgotten. "Don't mind me. I did come by hoping to have a chat, but it wasn't for anything all that important."
"I was looking for you earlier too," Lloyd blurted out, tightening his grip before Zelos could think of slipping away from him. The prickling sensation that had been urging him to keep a closer eye on Zelos felt like ants marching across his skin.
"Stay," Lloyd said again, insistent. "At least for a little bit."
Zelos visibly hesitated. The light fixtures that dotted the hallway's ceiling were dim, but Lloyd could still make out the uncertainty that flickered across Zelos' handsome face. He felt it, too. The tension that rippled beneath his touch made Lloyd think he was about to be turned down again; so he was glad when Zelos relented, instead.
"Fine, fine," he said at last, keeping his tone airy and casual, even as a sharp curiosity lurked behind his easy smile. "I won't deny you the pleasure of my company if you really want me to hang around that badly."
"Of course I do. But it's not just me, right? You were hanging out outside my door," Lloyd pointed out.
Zelos couldn't really refute that, so he allowed himself to be tugged inside Lloyd’s room without further protest, or at least not any serious ones. Still, Lloyd kept his grip on him until they were inside his room, unable to find it in him to let go so easily.
Despite having left the heater on in his absence, a slight chill lingered in the air. A glance at the window next to his bed showed Lloyd it the snow outside hadn't eased up. The sight of it reminded Lloyd of the pendant still trapped on his other hand. Kratos' words hadn't been easy to hear, not about his mom, nor about Mithos, and definitely not about Zelos.
"So?" Zelos eyed Lloyd expectantly, tilting his head in a way that made the front spirals of his loose curls sway across his chest. "What can the illustrious Zelos Wilder do for you?" he asked with a hand on his hip.
There was so much Lloyd wanted to say. He stuffed the pendant Kratos had given him inside his pocket, wishing it was as easy to push down the complicated emotions sitting in his chest. With the way that Zelos was looking at him, though, Lloyd was reminded him of why he had sought him out in the first place. He decided to use that as his guiding point and straightened up.
"About that…" he began. "I've been meaning to thank you."
"Thank me?" Zelos repeated, taken aback.
Lloyd nodded. "Yeah. What you said earlier, at Altessa's. It really helped clear my head."
Understanding seeped in, and with it, a hint of embarrassment too. Zelos averted his gaze as if he suddenly found the paintings that hung on the wall far more interesting.
"Ah, that," he said, shrugging one shoulder. "Well, if you ever need someone to knock some sense into you again, trusty old Zelos is certainly up for the task!"
It was the type of flippant response that might have annoyed Lloyd once, but he knew better than to take Zelos' words at face value by now. Plus, the memory of Zelos getting angry at Kratos on Lloyd's behalf remained etched in the forefront of his mind; he was grateful for that, too.
"Did you always know he was my dad?"
Zelos' gaze snapped to look at him.
"W-What?"
"I saw you outside," Lloyd explained, deciding not to mince words about it. "When you were talking with Kratos earlier. I was there."
At first, it didn't seem like Zelos was able to process what Lloyd had said, but as it sank it, his already pale complexion lost another shade of color.
"You… you heard us?" he asked in disbelief.
"Not everything," Lloyd replied honestly. "And I didn't really get what you guys were saying. But I made Kratos explain some things—like what he wanted you to do. He told me to just sit back and just let you guys handle things but there's no way I can do that!"
Zelos' mouth opened and closed, speechless. Lloyd could tell by the way his body shifted its weight that Zelos felt the urge to flee. Lloyd didn't let him consider it, taking a step forward to latch on to him again.
"Zelos, don't run off now, okay? Talk to me."
If anything, those words seemed to make Zelos want to run away more. Lloyd could see it on his face, naked and plain. He wouldn't let him though. All this time, Zelos had kept him at arm's length, working against them while in the same breath choosing to side with them. He didn't understand why, but Lloyd was at least sure of one thing—Zelos cared. Lloyd knew it in his gut, and had even witnessed it firsthand today, watching Zelos chastise Kratos on Lloyd's behalf.
He saw it now too, in the way Zelos' shoulders slumped, in the sound of his groan that did little to hide the vulnerability that lay within it.
"Ugh, I can't believe you were there for that. This isn't how I wanted you to find out about any of this."
Lloyd hadn't doubted Zelos' feelings, but something inside unfurled anyway, hearing that. He gave Zelos' hand a squeeze, drawing his attention. As their eyes met, Lloyd shared a smile with him.
"It doesn't matter how I know, but I'm happy that you were planning to tell me. Is that why you came to see me?" he asked.
Zelos huffed out a breath, face pink. He nodded, offering Lloyd a weak smile in return.
"Yeah. I guess I was."
Zelos painted it out for him then, after Lloyd tugged him towards one of the beds so they could sit side by side. He had shared some of his burdens with Lloyd before, but always hidden beneath dismissive jokes that Lloyd hadn't known whether or not to take seriously. Even now, Zelos spoke flippantly as he told Lloyd about his mother's death and about the awful words she had imparted on him during her final moments.
"So you see, after all that, Cruxis is waltzed in and offered me freedom. My sister's freedom, at that. And if my worthless life could at least do that much—"
"Don’t say that," Lloyd cut in, looking at Zelos fiercely. "Your life isn't worthless. Not to me."
Lloyd was still holding on to Zelos' hand. He wanted to keep him close, now more than ever. There was a ballooning feeling in his chest threatening to burst out of him, one he didn't have the right words to define yet, but Lloyd could feel them buzzing in his lips as he watched the way Zelos' eyes softened, the way his smile curved into something small but genuine.
"Well, thanks," he said, not unappreciative despite his lighthearted tone. "It's nice to know at least you think so."
"Of course I do. Plus, that's what our journey has been all about," Lloyd reminded him, squeezing Zelos' hand. "I want to create a world where you and Colette can feel free to live. You deserve that, Zelos. So don't give up, and don't write yourself off so easily."
"You’re always so earnest," Zelos told him with a laugh in his voice that sounded incredulous, but warm. "Kind, too. That’s what I like about you."
"Last time you said it was because I was headstrong," Lloyd said, grinning.
"And hot-headed," Zelos added with a smirk. "You've been a terrible influence on me, dragging me into your pace. My first instinct has always been to run away from my problems, and look at where I'm at now."
Lloyd saw it clearly, perhaps more clearly than Zelos did. There was nothing one-sided about their relationship. Maybe Lloyd had dragged Zelos into keeping up with him, but it was because of Zelos that Lloyd felt he could continue to forge ahead, no matter how hard the path in front of them was. Which was why—
"Tomorrow," Lloyd said abruptly, "when we head up to face Mithos. Don't leave my side."
Zelos' eyebrows shot up. A shifty look entered his face as he paused to measure his words.
"You said that Kratos had explained things, right?" he asked haltingly. "This is your best chance to win. I don't want to mess that up for you."
"It's too risky," Lloyd declared stubbornly, thinking about how angry he had felt when Kratos had finally shared the plan with him. He was angry now too, listening to Zelos deciding to go along with it.
"Just stick by my side, okay? We'll figure something else out."
"…Just where does that blind confidence of yours come from?"
"I'm just tired of seeing the people I care about getting hurt," Lloyd told him honestly, tracing the doubt etched in Zelos' face with his eyes, wondering what he could do to smooth it out. "If I can't keep you safe, then what's the point of doing any of this?"
Lloyd didn't realize just how loud that feeling inside of him had gotten again, not until he saw Zelos draw in a breath—and lean in. Lloyd couldn't register what had happened at first. He felt the weight on his lips, warm and steady. He felt the tickle of Zelos' hair as it brushed against his skin. It was the absence of it that made him snap out of it. Only Zelos' scent remained present as he pulled back and Lloyd's lips tingled as his mind whirled to catch up.
"What was that?" he asked breathlessly.
"Sorry," Zelos said, giving his hand a nervous squeeze. "Call it a selfish move if you want. Or thanks perhaps. It's a little bit of both, really."
"Does…" Lloyd licked his lips, chasing the sensation that had been burned into them. "Does that mean you're going to stick with me then?"
The question pulled a laugh out of Zelos. He covered his mouth with one hand to try to muffle it, but it was no use. "Yeah," he said with shaking shoulders and a grin that Lloyd wanted to carve into existence and guard close to his chest. "Yeah. We can do it your way."
Outside, the snow continued to pile up thickly, but the chill it brought with it was the last thing on their minds as Lloyd leaned in and kissed Zelos. Tomorrow, they would stand side by side and face the future together, but tonight, Lloyd was okay with taking a leaf out of Zelos' book and acting a little selfish. There was a lot he had to thank Zelos for, after all.