Work Text:
The simulation just went bad
But you're the best I ever had
Like hand prints in wet cement
He touched me, it's permanent
On lonely nights, Reiner could still feel his hands on his body. The one person he could never admit to missing after he left Paradis. Bertholdt and Annie, those two could people around him relate to. But missing an island devil? Wanting those filthy hands on him? Reiner knew the thought alone should fill him with shame, but still, he refused to let go of it. It wasn’t good for him, he knew that, but with his expiration date rapidly closing in on him, Reiner found it harder to care as the days passed by. And every night, he would give in to the memories stored in his mortal flesh. The feeling of calloused fingers running over his skin, leaving permanent marks in his soul as Jean committed Reiner’s body to memory. Or at least that’s what Reiner would like to believe. Because Jean ought to have let go by now, regardless of what Reiner liked to think. The memory of their explorations, vanquished and no doubt replaced in Jean’s mind. There would never be room for a traitor in Jean’s heart.
In my head, in my head
I couldn't hear anything you said but
In my head, in my head
I'm calling you boyfriend, what the fuck?
Marley was lonely for Reiner. And maybe it was that loneliness that began conjuring images in his mind as he walked the streets of Liberio. Glimpses of ashy blonde locks, shining hazel eyes, the silhouette of a sharp nose. How would Jean look in Marleyan fashion? More than once, Reiner had imagined how a well tailored suit would hug Jean’s body perfectly in just the right places. Those were the thoughts occupying his mind when Jean appeared in front of his face. It could easily have been yet another fever dream, as Jean didn’t appear to have recognised Reiner. Driven by longing, Reiner followed the grey hat through the crowd, carefully carving the figure moving ahead of him into his memory. Jean had grown taller, filled out, and turned into a deadly masterpiece of a man. And Reiner had never been more into anything in his entire life.
I don't do fake love
But I'll take some from you tonight
I know I've got to go
But I might just miss the flight
I can't stay forever
Let's play pretend
And treat this night like it'll happen again
You'll be my bloody Valentine tonight
In the dark of the night, desire was the flower that bloomed the most beautiful. Reiner shouldn’t be here, shouldn’t be searching the crowds for the face of a man who would reject him. A man who would want to end his life for the crimes he committed against his people. The thought sent a shiver down Reiner’s spine, and his heart began pumping faster. A flash of grey under a street lamp caught his attention. Jean was wearing a long coat over his suit as he walked through the streets. The sturdy fabric flowing behind him like a temptress, luring Reiner towards his demise. It wouldn’t be the worst way to go. Rounding the corner, Reiner followed Jean into an inn. It took a brief moment for him to locate the coat again, and he quickened his step, not willing to give up just yet. When he finally reached the door, hazel eyes locked with his, and he was pulled into a storm of anger.
I'm overstimulated, and I'm sad
I don't expect you to understand
It's nothing less than true romance
Or am I just making a mess?
Beneath Jean, life was beautiful. Clothes scattered, hungry lips and rough hands on naked skin, and for a moment, Reiner was back on Paradis, wrapped in a feeling he had wished would never end. It was the height of emotion in a sea of sensations as his body was penetrated. And in his desperation, he could pretend that the sweat dripping off Jean was cleansing, each drop washing his sins away one by one until there was nothing left. The pace punishing, the words degrading, until sweat mixed with guilt, then accusations when Jean asked, how could you? The question fell with their fingers laced together, through stuttered whimpers of passion as release washed through them.
In my head, in my head
I'm laying naked with you, yeah
In my head, in my head
I'm ready to die holding your hand
How could he? It was a question, but Reiner knew as soon as the knife pierced his side that he was not expected to give an answer. He was not allowed to give one, and somehow, the feeling of the sheets growing wet and sticky beneath him seemed an appropriate end. A punishment fitting his crimes against Jean, against Paradis, against humanity, and against himself. Watching in a daze while his heart rate slowed, Reiner allowed himself a last, precious view of Jean as he got dressed. A work of art, a final image with which Reiner could find peace in his grave, he was sure. With that peace of mind, Reiner closed his eyes and let go.
I don't do fake love
But I'll take some from you tonight
I know I've got to go
But I might just miss the flight
I can't stay forever
Let's play pretend
And treat this night like it'll happen again
You'll be my bloody Valentine tonight
The morning sunlight filtered through the flimsy curtains of the cheap inn when Reiner woke up. Jumbled flashbacks of the night before rushed his mind as he sat up with a groan. The sheets were still sticky, soaked in crimson blooms of his life force as it had drained out of him the night before. His body had healed, his titan once again taken too much care of the life that Reiner found no joy in any longer. A sheet of white caught his attention. Pinned to the door with a blood stained knife was a letter. A simple confession, followed by an invitation, signed by Jean.
I can't hide
How I feel about you
Inside
I'd give everything up
Tonight
If I could just have you
Be mine
Be mine, baby
The words were unmistakable, and Reiner’s head was spinning as he pocketed the letter, the knife, and his remaining pride. He knew it, Jean knew it and by midnight, the chase would begin yet again, in an endless hunt for comfort in what was shattered between them. Because in those shards, were the only thing left in Reiner's life that still felt real.
Hey, I don't do fake love
But I'll take some from you tonight
I know I've got to go
But I might just miss the flight
I can't stay forever
Let's play pretend
And treat this night like it'll happen again
You'll be my bloody Valentine tonight