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“ In all my twenty years of service , ” Police Officer Xiao Li spoke into the oppressive silence , wincing as he broke it , “ Guidu ’ s district office had never felt so desolate . ”
With their latest case finally and officially closed – the strings of mysterious murders solved and documented and filed away into a box in a drawer – criminal activity seemed to dwindle as the day grew brighter but colder , and so too , it seemed , did the department ’ s vitality .
Three desks stood still within the stain speckled room , inconceivably positioned alongside faded green filing cabinets and crowded bookshelves and half - opened drawers in a manner that incredulously appeared to be the only possible arrangement . Facing the curtain - concealed window was a desk with dust streaked photo frames capturing memories suspended in time . A young , newlywed couple , ultrasound scans of an unborn baby , smiling faces , all forgotten upon the faded wooden surface . Floating slightly angular near an adjacent wall was a desk also remnant of life . Decorated with pastel banners and plush figures lined up beside sleeping monitors , it was as if their owner only took a short break , a coffee cup , half empty , awaiting their return . Its bitter , old contents had long turned cold . The last desk was right beside the exit door , barren and spotless , apart from a cardboard box of belongings and a surrendered badge . There remained a space with all evidence of life yet completely devoid of it , memory masked under an unbearable veil of silence .
Two police officers had been incapacitated in that case . One killed shortly before the other fell comatose , left fatally wounded by the hands of the same perpetrators . Both with lives , goals , interests and aspirations – untouched and on hold , until further notice .
One lonely man was left to look around the bittersweet setting , to commit it to memory for a final time . As the chief in police , it had been his duty , his responsibility to determine the safety of his subordinates , yet he had managed to fail them so miserably .
If only he were half a second faster , if only he were a stronger fighter , if only he had noticed the change in situation before it was too late . If only he had a stronger sense of justice , then he could have saved the people in most need of saving . If only his bleeding heart had been able to stop his partner all those years ago …
With Qian Jin behind bars , sentenced for life , none should suffer from his mendacious schemes again . Yet , it still did not change the past ; the victims who met their demise by his hands would never know of their vengeance . How could he have allowed things to go so south ?
Regret filled his lungs ; black , toxic fumes in place of oxygen .
He wanted to lose his composure . To yell and fight and punch someone , anyone , and trash the department . But he did not . Instead , Officer Xiao Li redirected his energy into lifting his police badge - shaped shackles and moving forward . Forward , without the ones that have been left behind .
‘ A month off of work to clear your head , ’ a coworker had convinced him in place of resignation . It was for the best that he stepped away for the time being , to rest and recuperate . ‘ You don ’ t get to just quit and run away from this mess that you ’ ve made , ’ was what was left unsaid . It was a punishment wholly deserved , Xiao Li felt .
Arms full and aching , Xiao Li left the office with a chasmic sigh , hoping that upon his return , he would do better , be better . With heavy steps , he trudged down the hallway towards the exit , until a certain pigtailed girl caught his eye .
“ Ah , that ' s right , ” Xiao Li muttered underneath his breath . Li Tianxi sat alone , swinging her legs and tapping her fingers against the metal bench as she bore holes staring into nothing in particular . There sat another victim of Qian Jin ’ s ; orphaned , unhoused , with nothing truly belonging to her and no one to take her in . At 19 , an adult under the law , she was only a year too old to be readmitted into the foster system , and without any official documents went her chance at contacting any possible relations , or in establishing a life for herself .
As she had been for the past several hours , Li Tianxi had been floating around the station , similar to a wandering ghost . In the aftermath of chaos , all the paperwork and force readjustments left her as the last priority , with no one really knowing what to do with the 19 year old girl linked directly to their latest criminal – guilty yet innocent , compliant yet unwilling . An invisible citizen , no one ’ s responsibility to care for . Though Qiao Ling had been the best at connecting with her only a day ago , she was now fully occupied back in the hospital , fretting over Lu Guang and Cheng Xiaoshi ’ s newly acquired injuries sustained in the tunnel incident . Further guilt festered well within Xiao Li ; due to his incompetence , three more innocent civilians had unnecessarily come to harm , and managed to resolve the case more efficiently than Xiao Li could ever imagine completing himself . It truly was pathetic .
“ Li Tianxi . ” Xiao Li had said – booming , lawful authority seeping through his tone . The girl , startling out of her stupor , almost found his gaze , pink eyes not quite meeting hazel . “ Would you like to come with me for a bit ? ”
Keeping her face a careful neutral , Li Tianxi contemplated in trademark silence before eventually nodding , using the support of the armrest to stand and followed the policeman to his car .
– – –
The drive to nowhere in particular had been without conversation , the quiet radio filling the silence with static song and commentary . With quick glances into his rearview mirror , Xiao Li had found the young girl idly staring down the scenery ; blurring buildings beyond the glass window , brows furrowed in concentration in trying to process the quickly changing view , moving too fast to settle on any particular subject . Though the vehicle was small , old , and impersonalised , much like his workspace back at the station , the change in pace did wonders to help take Xiao Li ’ s mind off the events of the past few days ; he was officially off duty . With a physiological sigh , Xiao Li allowed the tension of his mental anguish slip just a little , to focus on the present moment of arriving at a destination .
– – –
The park was quiet and cold that wintering day ; the brisk chilliness that the wind carried was not lost on Xiao Li . Nevertheless , he believed the fresh air would be good for both of them .
With a glance to his right , Li Tianxi absentmindedly nibbled away at her ice cream , keeping it perfectly even on every side as they silently strolled , attention caught on something else entirely .
“ Mama , papa , is it true we get to have roast pork for dinner ? Big brother told me so ! Is it true ? ”
“ That ' s right little one , are you excited ? ”
“ So excited ! ”
Following the voices , the officer noticed a smiling family ; mother and father , brother and sister , happily laughing together , the perfect most picturesque ideal displayed right in front of them .
Xiao Li never had the intention to start a family of his own , for being alone for so long had dulled his desire for connection . Longing had burnt out long ago , he knew only too well of the balance between love and the law , and how the scales always tipped towards the latter .
Tianxi ’ s gaze also followed the family , a familiar sense of longing etched onto her otherwise unreadable expression . An air of loneliness transpired between the pair , Xiao Li ’ s own ice cream long melted and forgotten as he thought , continuing to stroll aimlessly .
“ Li Tianxi , ” he started once again , not expecting a verbal answer , but only the young girl ’ s attention , “ I apologise for giving you a rough start when we first met ; it ’ s been a stressful series of events for me , but I can only imagine how difficult it ’ s been for you these past few days , having to survive all on your own out there for the first time , under such a difficult circumstance . With your brother missing , and that bastard behind bars where he belongs , the future probably looks really uncertain for you .
“ So … how would you like to stay with me , just for the meantime ? I want to look out for you , advocate for your wellbeing , and make sure you don ’ t have to suffer like you have ever again . From there we can figure out how you want to go forward . ”
Tianxi stopped in her tracks , alerting Xiao Li into a wave of regret once more . The dread fuelled him more than the shameful pride of a saviour , was he even in the position to care for another living being in the first place ? Though before he could take back his words , glistening drops fell from Li Tianxi ’ s cheeks , along with a lopsided smile stretched across her features .
Squeezing her eyes shut and shoulders tightly together , the girl shook out emotion through her fingertips before nodding with a small , high squeal , the youthful spirit contentedly enveloping the worn down officer in an embrace ; a foreign yet welcome feeling for both .
Within the deep pressure of Xiao Li ’ s arms , light tears transformed into full body sobs as Li Tianxi fully allowed herself to process and feel all the pain that had built up inside of her , melting down into the safety of a grown - up who could care for her once more , letting her guard down and letting go of every suppressed memory bubbling and bursting through .
She had no cares for the seemingly odd sight the two of them made , nor blockage of the pathway . Though Xiao Li felt the heat of every imaginary stare , he could not bring himself to stifle her grief , to smother her innocent , natural regulation as he once did of himself .
Peering down at Li Tianxi , in all her pure , uncensored self , felt like looking into a reflection of his past ; who he once was , who he suffocated into nonexistence – a part of him permanently lost to time . He only held her tighter .
Together , they walked forward in comfortable silence after a while , hand in hand , not one before another .