Chapter Text
She had legs for miles, more curves than the canyons of Wrath, winged eyeliner so sharp it could kill a demon, and long flowing golden colored hair that was begging to be pulled. The moment she walked in, Blitz stopped stacking pint glasses behind the bar and focused his attention on the tall, voluptuous fuccubus that was sauntering across the brewery floor.
“I told you I won’t have time to fucking chat until M&M clock in at 5 pm, Ver. Satan fucking dammit, do you just not hear me, or do you ignore me on purpose?” Blitz huffed with a sassy fist on one hip.
Without missing a beat, she slid into a chair across from Blitz at the bar top and placed her pink sparkly clutch bag on the bar. She leaned over and grabbed a cocktail napkin from a stack next to the straws, dabbing the edges of her lipstick. She balled up the napkin and rolled it across the bar towards Blitz.
“Fiery. Asshole.” Verosika stared daggers at him.
Shitty fucking luck, why did his sister have to marry his craziest fucking ex? It’s like living in a breakup that would never end, an eternal hell. You know, if they didn’t already live in fucking Hell.
He grabbed a pint glass with his tail and turned around to the tap wall to pour the fuccubitch a beer.
Faking a smile, he set the Hellapeño Lager on the counter with a little splash.
“One Fiery Asshole. On the house. Don’t say I never did anything for ya.”
He went back to stacking glasses and setting up for the night. Trying not to let her know he was paying attention, he kept his eyes down, but he could see the smile on her face when she took the first sip of her beer. It made Blitz proud to know that his little brewery, the only craft brewery in Imp City and the only brewery owned by imps, could impress even a cold-hearted bitch like his sister-in-law.
The first hour of the day was usually pretty slow, just a few regulars. Blitz poured a few more beers before M&M arrived to take over.
“Alright, Ver, let’s talk,” Blitz nodded his head towards a door that led to the brewing equipment and his office. She picked up her clutch bag and her beer and followed. Like most craft breweries, it was an old building made for something else entirely that Blitz had bought and converted. This one used to be a newspaper printing and publishing company; there were even some old printing machines left behind that Blitz sometimes used to make flyers.
They had to walk to the back of the building to get to his office, but it was all his. It had been his dream growing up to have his own business with a big office and a fancy desk. Three years ago, when he started I.M.P. (Imps Making Pilsners), he found the desk on the side of the road in Pentagram City outside a Goetia palace, and it felt like fate.
The desk sat in the center of the office, ornate and large. The walls were covered with pictures of the team, Millie and Moxxie, Blitz’s daughter, Loona, and sometimes Fizz, who stopped by when he wasn’t on tour. All the bottle labels Blitz had designed were framed too, many of them featuring horses and drawings that Blitz had made himself.
When he opened the office door, a slinky red hellcat darted out between his feet, “Cheesus Crikes, Jinx! I swear to fucking Satan that cats gonna be the reason I break my neck one day.”
“Then why do you keep him around?” Verosika asked almost sarcastically.
“What?” Blitz raised a brow.
“Then why don’t you find him a new home?” She said it like it made any kind of sense.
“I don’t even understand that question,” he gestured to the cat as it stalked something they couldn’t see. “It’s a brewery cat, duh?”
He shook his head at the absurdity.
Verosika sat in the chair across from Blitz and pulled a folded sheet of paper from her clutch. She unfolded it and handed it to Blitz. He looked it over, but he couldn’t find the part that just spelled out how much money he would make.
“So it would be like speed dating?” Blitz asked.
“Sometimes like speed dating, sometimes like dating games. I would be the host. Kiki would assist. I would only use the brewery's back side. I could guarantee 30 people per event, at least 50 drink sales plus a percentage of ticket costs…” She was rambling, but Blitz interrupted her.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah… give me a number.”
“At least 500 a night for you, not including tips,” she replied.
He didn’t flinch, he didn’t look up from the paper in his hands, but the gears in his head started turning. That amount of cash could mean upgrades, allow him to bring Loona on as a full-time employee, or help pay for a two-bedroom apartment so he could stop sleeping on the couch.
But fuck him in his little red hole if he was gonna let Verosika know how much it meant to him.
He slid the paper onto the desk, then folded his hands in his lap, leaned back in his big boss chair and started twiddling his thumbs. “Well… Hmm.. I guess since Wednesdays are slow anyway, you can give it a try.”
A wicked smile started creeping up her face, and Blitz knew then that he wasn’t as nonchalant as he was trying to be. She leaned back a bit, only as far as a non-leaning chair would let her, and effortlessly crossed her legs at the knees. He tried not to look, but oh, Satan, he loved ‘em tall and leggy. Apparently, Barb did too, sometimes they didn’t have to prove they were twins.
He’d never cross that line, though. One: Barb would skin him with his own fangs. Two: Ver drove him batshit crazy, not in the fun-and-sexy kind of way. How Barb managed to hold on to this wild stallion was a mystery to Blitz.
“And who knows?” She mused, “Maybe you can join in! You could meet someone and take a night off every once in a while.” She said sarcastically, waving her hand through the air in circles like she was clearing his calendar for him.
Blitz jumped up, batting one hand back and forth at the imaginary time piece, “I don’t need a night off! I’m fine! I date plenty!”
Verosika snorted a laugh, and Blitz tried to look offended like her snort wasn’t a valid response. But he also hadn’t actually dated since they broke up.
Six years ago. Before he adopted Loona. But he was a single dad, owned a business, and he worked fucking nights! Sue him for being responsible and shit!
“I’m not speed dating. Especially where I work,” he said, tapping his claw into the desk with each word to make a point.
“Is that the excuse you’re using now?” She smirked, then downed the last of her beer before setting the glass on his desk with a satisfying thud.
“Why do you care if I’m getting my dick wet?!”
She sighed, then stood up from the chair and walked over to the office door. “Blitz, I know you don’t think you deserve it. Fuck, maybe that’s true. But your Moma and Barb worry about you.”
She opened the office door, then looked back over her shoulder, “You might still be mad at me, but we’re family now. So I guess that makes you my little brother, too.”
“You know, Barb and I are the same age!” Blitz exclaimed as she closed the door behind her.
“See you Wednesday, Blitz!” She yelled from the other side of the door.
He could hear her heels click-clack across the production floor as she left. A few minutes later, he picked up her empty pint glass where she had left it on his desk and walked back to the front.
Fuck, Blitz was pretty sure the money wasn’t gonna be worth it.
Well, he had to give her some credit; she really knew how to organize an event. The next day, when I.M.P. opened, Kiki was waiting at the door with flyers and postcards announcing the first social mixer called “Friends & Flames”.
She didn’t just drop them off and expect Blitz to take care of it either; she hung a flyer in every bathroom stall and by each of the three doors, then stacked postcards with info next to the cocktail napkins along the bar. It was kind of impressive.
“Hey, Kiki?”
She stopped in her tracks at the exit and turned around.
“Why is the flyer so…?” He was looking for the right word. “...Gay?”
She giggled. Then stopped and looked at him with a weird look, like she was waiting for the punch line. “Oh! Did she not tell you? It’s queer dating games! The yee-haw straights can meet people anywhere.”
She shrugged, then breezed her way out the door.
“Huh,” Blitz said to himself. Well, probably doesn’t make a difference, right?
It made a difference. And Blitz, poor, poor, poor Blitz, was not prepared for forty to fifty twinks, bears, femmes, and leather-clad biker babes.
As a brewery, I.M.P. served mostly craft beer. They carried a couple of bottles of wine and a small selection of liquors that could be mixed with sodas, but they definitely weren’t a cocktail bar.
He had never had so many requests for shots! Blow job shots, slippery nipples, and at one point, a tall, hot incubus asked him for a ‘demon seaman’. When someone asked for a ‘wine list’, Blitz accidentally spittled because he laughed so hard.
Verosika was there to greet every guest, and Kiki kept the music light, helping people socialize and mingle. They handed out tiny pencils and little cards at the entrance with five lines each. They encouraged every attendee to turn off their phones and to try to meet five new people. Next to each name, they wrote on the card, they could checkmark ‘Friend’ or ‘Flame’. When everyone left, they dropped the cards in a box, and Kiki would match everyone up and email the names and phone numbers that matched on all the cards. It was meant to be a kind of ‘ice breaker’ for the events, a way to break into a new community.
Blitz and the M’s were busting their asses all night. They ran out of wine by the end of the mixer. Any time Blitz got a minute to breathe, he pulled out his phone and made a note using speech-to-text to help him better prepare for the next one.
- Order more fucking wine
- Order fancy fucking wine
- What’s a demon seaman shot
- Tiki umbrellas
- Put Moxxie in charge of making cocktails
- lookup easy cocktails for twinks
- Order… Satan's crusty ass crack that bird is fucking hot
Shitfire! He got distracted and fucked up his list. But on the plus side, the crowd had started to thin out, and Blitz saw a tall grey-ish blue owl standing like a wallflower behind Verosika and Kiki.
He had four ruby eyes, a large set and a smaller set above them, the larger set outlined in dark kohl eyeliner and smoked out over his lids. His heart-shaped face was covered in tiny white feathers. He was wearing black leather pants that looked like they had been painted on his juicy, curvy thighs. A flowy, silvery top was draped over his long, lithe frame and unbuttoned enough for a cascade of fluff to spill out and over like a waterfall of sparkly feathers, and Blitz’s mouth watered thinking about rubbing his face in there. Or running his claws through them and tugging. Or spreading that fluff with his thumbs and pushing his dick in there.
“Sir!” Moxxie yelled.
“What!” Blitz yelled back without turning because he was pretty sure the counter was the only thing keeping his boner from view.
“Millie’s been trying to get your attention! You alright?”
“Whatcha’ need, Mills?” Blitz asked loudly over the sound of the music.
“Hand paper’s out in the Men’s, can’t find the key to open the box,” Millie said as she walked up holding out a hand for Blitz’s keys. He unhooked them from his belt loop and tossed them to her. She stopped and looked him up and down with raised brows.
“What now?” Blitz raised his hands up in surrender.
“Nothin’. Just havin’ a good night here, ain’t we?” She sing-songed with a grin like she was really talking about something else.
“Uh, yeah, tips should be big for a Wednesday,” he replied.
She turned around and headed to the men’s room just as Verosika, Kiki and the tall owl made their way over to the bar and slid into three seats. Blitz swallowed the drool in his mouth before he spoke up.
“Salty Witch?” Blitz asked with a sly grin, staring at Verosika.
“Fiery asshole,” she replied. As he turned to pour the beer, she continued, “But if we’re talking beers, I’ll have the Hade’s Hefe.” She then propped her elbows on the bar top and rested her chin on her hands.
As Blitz poured the first beer, he turned and asked, “For you, Kiki?”
“Same for me, thanks, Blitz! Great crowd tonight, yeah?” Kiki asked while sorting the cards they collected.
“Yeah, brought in a big crowd, alright,” he turned around and set the two beers on the counter. “Gonna try to prepare better for next week. Need to order more wine.”
The owl had just been watching silently so far. Blitz was trying not to be a creep and stare, so he didn’t look over at the hot leggy twink at all until he found the right words, “Soooo… what can I get for….?”
“Oh, apologies. I’m Stolas,” he held out his black taloned hand. Blitz wiped his hand on the towel hanging from his belt, then tried to shake the owl's hand without shaking too hard or too light and also not imagining how nice his soft, delicate hands would look wrapped around his…
“This is Blitz. My brother-in-law and my ex,” Verosika piped up at the perfect moment. Perfect if the moment she was looking for was to be a cock-block.
“You can tell me the truth, Stolas, you’re just pretending to be her friend, right?” Blitz quipped while looking at Verosika with a big grin from horn to horn.
Stolas giggled but changed the subject, “Well, as the resident expert, what beer do you recommend?”
Verosika immediately sucked in a breath through clenched fangs.
“Shit, babe, I should have warned you,” Verosika said while putting her head in her hands. Stolas looked scared for a moment, like he wasn’t aware of what faux pas he had stepped in.
Blitz’s eyes lit up, “Well now, that all depends on numerous factors like your preferred flavor profile, sweet versus spicy, malty versus bitter, if you like a high alcohol content or a session ale, even… ‘mouth feel’.” Blitz couldn’t help but look down at the owl's chest fluff when he said those last words, even though he was thinking about Stolas’ mile-long legs, but he couldn’t see them through the bar top.
Blitz didn’t realize he was licking his bottom lip until Verosika fake coughed. Realizing he had been caught staring, he jumped back what felt like three feet and continued. “What kind of drinks do you typically like?”
Was Blitz imagining it, or was that a slight blush across the owl’s cheeks?
“Oh, um, well, at galas and balls I usually drank absinthe, but not because I preferred the flavor. I typically drink red wine when at smaller gatherings. I haven’t had many opportunities to drink beer or brewed beverages. I’m sure whatever you recommend would be a good starting point, perhaps?”
“Let me ask you, would you rather have dessert or a cheese board?” Blitz asked.
“Dessert,” Stolas replied.
“Fruit desserts or chocolate desserts?”
“I would choose fruit.”
Blitz clicked his tongue then gave Stolas a wink and a finger gun, “I gotchu, birdie.”
Oh, heaven yeah, that was definitely a blush this time!
He grabbed a pint glass and turned to the tap wall to pour the owl’s drink. He turned around with a flourish and set a pint of golden amber colored liquid on the bar top.
“Whoa-la!” Blitz exclaimed.
“I think you mean ‘voila’, Blitz,” Millie said as she passed behind him.
”Mine’s better!” He replied without even turning around.
Stolas picked up the glass, brought it to his beak, and inhaled deeply. His eyes widened, and he looked to Verosika, “Oh darling, this smells divine!”
“Ugh, babe, don’t give him a bigger ego,” Verosika pleaded.
Blitz rolled his eyes. Stolas then tipped the glass up, his tongue dipping gently into the liquid before it spilled over into his mouth. Blitz felt like a pervert who got excited seeing a peek of elbows or ankles; that little glimpse of tongue was sure to haunt him later after work.
“Oh, Blitz, that’s delicious! I’ve never had anything like it. What kind of beer is this?” Stolas asked when he brought the glass back down to the counter.
“Uh… right, yeah, it’s actually mead. That’s our ‘Sweet Loonie Honey Mead’. Named it after my own beautiful, perfect daughter,” Blitz said as hearts appeared in his eyes and he looked over at Loona, who was working the other side of the bar.
“SHUT THE FUCK UP, BLITZ!” Loona yelled from where she was pouring.
Blitz looked back to Stolas with an impossibly bigger grin, “See? Perfect!”
Kiki had pulled out a laptop and was typing in the info from the ‘Friend or Flame’ cards. She leaned over and asked, “Hey, Stolas, where’s your card?”
The owl opened and closed his beak a couple of times before he stuttered to say, “Oh, you don’t have to worry about mine, dear. I didn’t really meet anyone I think might be interested in skinny ol’ me.” He waved his hands about to show there was no card in them, no worry needed.
Verosika turned her head and gave him a sweet, pouty look that Blitz had never seen before. “Stolas, sweetie, you are a CATCH, and don’t you forget it. Don’t you let that old shrew convince you that you don’t deserve love!”
Verosika reached over and grabbed the owl’s hand. Stolas sighed, then surrendered with a nod of his head and reached into his pocket for his card.
Blitz was surprised. He thought if Stolas was a friend of Ver, then he was there to help out, help organize the event or something.
Fuck he was too hot to be at speed dating or dating games or whatever-the-fuck.
Whatever. It was none of Blitz’s business anyway, right? He didn’t really date. And he damn sure wasn’t gonna join in the fucking hoopla of one of Verosika’s events.
He should probably work next Wednesday anyway, and M&M and Loonie would need the help. Yeah, he’d just be there to help out. Maybe be nicer to Ver next week too; she was bringing in good business after all.
Yeah… Yeah… this was turning out to be a pretty good idea.
