Work Text:
That's What Friends Are For
by Roxanne
Author's webpage: http://www.angelfire.com/ga4/garett/senslash.htm
Author's disclaimer: They're mine and I can do whatever I want with them!!!!
THAT'S WHAT FRIENDS ARE FOR
By Roxanne
It had all started so innocently. They were home ... alone ... bored ... horny. Two consenting adults ... straight men that had never been attracted to men that way ... who just had the desire to let off some nervous tension. They loved each other like brothers. They weren't in love with each other. Why then did it feel like his heart was breaking into a million pieces just because it had to end?
Five months ago
Blair paced back and forth in front of the balcony windows. It was snowing like a son of a bitch and the forecast called for more ... two to three feet by the time it ended. He'd had plans for the weekend and now they were shot to hell. Why that surprised him, Blair didn't know. Everything he touched turned to shit anymore. Why wouldn't this?
The Guide had finally gotten a date with a woman who had an IQ higher than the average houseplant ... no mean feat now that he was a nationally known fraud ... and now she was stranded in Olympia giving testimony at a State Senate hearing on air quality and he could barely see the top of his Volvo. There'd be no going out this weekend. No conversations filled with barely disguised innuendo ... no shy explorations into warm, moist bits of womanly flesh ... no nothing. He and Jim would be stuck in the loft together for two whole days. They'd be lucky if they didn't kill each other.
Jim sat on the couch in an ungraceful sprawl, knees pointing in opposite directions, and flipped through the latest issue of Sports Illustrated. He was really trying to concentrate on the article on Larry Byrd's latest tendon surgery, but his roommate was driving him crazy with his pacing and mumbling. A man liked to come home after a hard day's work and just have a bit of piece and quiet. Instead, he had Sandburg to contend with. Peace and quiet was a foreign concept to his roommate. Not only did the man never sit still, he rarely shut up. And for some unknown reason, grumbled monologues about the weather were right at the bottom of Jim's hit parade that night.
After a half-hour, Jim started tracking the younger man's pattern. It wasn't a conscious move, but Blair was just so goddamn predictable. Four steps ... grumble "fucking snow" ... grab the ponytail and tug it back ... sigh loudly ... turn back ... four more steps in the opposite direction ... stop ... plant hands on hips ... grumble "shit" ... stand there for two minutes ... stare at the snow ... and then it would start over again.
"Will you sit the fuck down!"
Blair twirled around and stared at the couch like he'd had no idea there was anyone else in the room. All he could see was a glossy Marlboro ad where his roommate's face should be. Jim had bellowed the order, then like a chicken had raised his magazine back up in front of his face, hoping that the shock value would be enough to shut Blair up for a while. He just was not in the mood to deal with this tonight.
"What crawled up your ass and died, Jim? You just happy about being stuck inside all weekend? I'm sure you love not having to go outside of your little sanctuary and have to actually deal with other human beings. Well, pardon me for being a little put out, but I was actually looking forward to going out and being with a woman tonight. But what the hell do you care? You haven't had a date in so long your dick's probably forgotten what it's there for."
Blair's voice dripped with sarcasm as the escalating tension of the last few months coiled even tighter inside his gut.
"Listen, you little shit," Jim began with a deceptively soft tone from behind his magazine. "My dick is none of your concern. And as for being happy about being stuck here with you all weekend, believe me, it's not my idea of a good time. But we're here and if you want to live to see Monday, you'll either sit your ass down and shut up or take your little pity party into your room."
Without another word, Blair turned and stormed into his bedroom. The glass in the french doors rattled as he slammed them shut. Jim could still hear the muttering, but at least he didn't have to watch Blair wear a path in the rug.
Blair was out ten minutes later, flopped on the other couch and staring at his roommate. Jim tossed the magazine onto the coffee table, crossed his arms against his chest and fixed an icy gaze on his partner.
"Now what, Sandburg?"
Blair pulled at his ponytail again and then began to pick at a rip in the knee of his jeans.
"You don't want to know."
Jim uncrossed his arms, leaned forward, elbows on his knees, stared at the younger man and tried for sincerity.
"Is it something at the academy?"
Blair shook his head. A hank of hair pulled loose and he caught it between his fingers. Without even thinking, he brought it around and began to chew on the chestnut curl.
"Is it something with ... Marcy?"
"Her name is Margie ... and no ... well yes ... well not actually with Margie."
Jim's handsome face shifted with a ghost of a smile. He was making progress. An eyebrow cocked as he grew more inquisitive. Jim just loved it when he was able to get Blair to talk about his feelings for a change. He loved putting the sensitive, 90s guy in the hot seat and watching him squirm. Everybody thought Jim was so repressed ... that he didn't communicate. Well, he could communicate just fine when he needed to. Now he just had to be a good little detective and follow the clues Sandburg was leaving for him and he'd really get to the bottom of this pissy mood.
"Okay ... it's not actually Margie, but something related to Margie."
Blair nodded once as he continued to finger the bleached out fringe of denim.
"Did she say something about ... your ... um ... your?"
"No, Jim," Blair snorted. He pushed the stray hair back behind his ear with his other hand and glared at his partner.
"She didn't say something about my 'um'. Jesus Christ, Jim. You still can't even talk about it. It's been two months since I shit-canned my dissertation and you still can't say 'academic fraud'."
"I'm sorry."
"And for god's sake, quit apologizing! Jesus, Jim. It's over and done with and it wasn't your fault to begin with. And that's not what's wrong anyway. Nothing's wrong. Just forget it."
Blair hopped up and stomped back into his room. This time one of the panes of glass in the french door cracked when he slammed it shut. Startled by the violent reaction, Jim sat in rigid silence and listened for some more mumbling that might give him a clue as to what was really going on. All he could hear was a kind of wheezy groan that sounded like a cat with a hairball.
Grinning stupidly at the thought of Blair as a pampered feline, Jim walked into the kitchen, pulled out some masking tape and began to tape the crack together. He didn't have any spare sheets of glass sitting around, so the repair would have to wait for later. At least this way, the pieces wouldn't fall out. He could just see Blair stumbling out of his room in the morning, looking for a nice saucer of milk and cutting his foot on the broken glass.
After that was done, Jim was at a loss for something else to do. It was only 9:00, the cable had already gone out because of the storm and it didn't look like Sandburg would be making a reappearance, so he might as well go to bed. He straightened the pillows on the couch, wiped off the coffee table and put his magazine in the recycle bin before heading upstairs to his own bed.
Blair woke up Saturday morning to the smell of cinnamon rolls baking in the oven. He stumbled into the kitchen wearing a pair of navy sweats and a Cascade PD sweatshirt that he'd lifted from Jim's clean laundry. The sleeves hung down over his hands and he had to keep shoving them up to his elbows. There was a little crusty residue from drool at the corner of his mouth and every hair on his head appeared to be going in a different direction. Jim couldn't help but think that the younger man looked absolutely adorable. Too bad that eleven hours of sleep hadn't sweetened his mood any. Blair practically growled his 'good morning' to his roommate, but at least he said it.
Jim ignored the younger man's sneer and embarked on his own little campaign to cheer the grouch up. He began by whistling off-key as he iced the sweetrolls. That got no reaction so he gave Blair his best huge grin and a bright "good morning Sunshine!" as he poured the coffee. He even winked at his Guide and waggled his eyebrows while chattering away about Blair looking like a big pussycat as he served up breakfast. The younger man was in no mood for perky Sentinels and ate in silence. Jim had just one more big gun and decided it was time to use it.
"Hey Chief," he began. "Any tests on my senses you want to work on today? I mean we've got plenty of time and well, I think my hearing is getting a little wonky. I don't think it's earwax again. It's not so much muffled as kind of distorted sometimes. Maybe we could try some more of that piggybacking thing we did again so that I could get a little better handle on it."
Blair glared at his roommate, dropped his fork with a rattle and said, "Yeah let's! See if you can hear this."
"Fuck you, Jim" he mumbled as he stalked back into his room.
The Guide was a no-show for lunch, not venturing out of his room again until almost 4:00. By that time, Jim was dozing on the couch, kind of propped in the corner with a National Geographic draped across his chest. Blair peeked out of the french doors, then hurried past him to take a shower. Feeling a bit better and even more remorseful, he returned to the living room and took a seat next to Jim. He cleared his throat and waited for Jim to acknowledge his presence.
"How you feeling?" Jim asked cautiously. The magazine slid off his chest, but he grabbed it easily with one hand. With a flick of his wrist, the magazine was tossed onto the coffee table where it skidded to a stop.
"Better, I guess," Blair responded softly. "Sorry about the tantrum this morning."
"Okay."
Jim pulled himself to a sitting position, rubbed at the place where the seam on the pillow had dug a groove into his cheek and chanced another look at his partner. The guy actually looked like he was sorry about being such a pain in the ass.
"Wanna talk about it yet?"
Blair tucked a tangle of hair behind one ear and stared at his lap. He didn't say anything for a long time and the quiet was starting to make Jim really uncomfortable. Finally, Blair cleared his throat again and spoke.
"You're going to think this is really stupid," he said softly. There was kind of a raspy edge to his voice that made the Sentinel uneasy.
"But I'm just really ..."
"Really what, Chief?"
Lonely, scared, disappointed, depressed, anxious, worried, nervous, angry, bitter, demoralized, in over my head, hating the way my life's going, sick of the academy, tired of living here ...
"Horny," Blair mumbled.
Not even close! Inside, Jim was jumping to his feet, raising both arms in a triumphant salute and yelling 'Yes!" But on the outside, Jim just suppressed his grin and tried not to let the immense relief show on his face before he turned to speak again.
"Well ... I don't know what to say. I'm sure you're familiar with the normal ways of dealing with this ... condition.""
"Yes, Jim. Don't you think I've tried?"
Blair's voice sounded pained and bitter.
"I'm sure your hearing isn't so wonky that you don't hear me dealing with my condition!"
At least Jim had the good sense to blush. Yes, of course he'd heard his roommate. It's not like he wanted to listen, but when you can hear every fart within a three-block radius, you learn to focus on something more pleasant ... like the heartbeat of your best friend ... when you're trying to get some sleep. When that heartbeat speeds up and the thumping starts pounding against your eardrums, you extend your hearing a little more to make sure everything is okay and then you may hear things that you wished you hadn't.
"I don't mean to," Jim offered. It wasn't much of an explanation, but it's the best he could do.
"I know, man. That's not why I'm upset. I gave up on the concept of privacy a long time ago. It's just that even that's not working right anymore. I've tried magazines and looked at porn sites online and I still can't ... well, I just can't."
"Oh god, Chief. I'm sorry. I didn't know ..."
Blair glanced up at his friend. There was real concern on that handsome face. He should have known that Jim wouldn't laugh at him ... that Jim would actually be concerned about him. For being such a hardass cop, Jim was just one big marshmallow when it came to dealing with people in pain. Now Blair not only felt like a failure as a man, but a real shit for the way he'd been treating Jim these last two days.
"No, I'm sorry Jim. It's not your problem. I'll deal with it."
Blair stood up and walked back into his bedroom but at least this time he didn't slam the door.
Jim lay in his bed and stared up at the skylight. It was totally covered with snow and he'd spent the biggest part of the night wondering when it was going to give way and come crashing in on him. He'd been trying so hard to not listen in on Blair, but without the steady beat of his roommate's heartbeat, he couldn't get to sleep. When he wandered downstairs at two a.m., he wasn't surprised to find that Blair's light still on. Rapping gently at an unbroken pane in the glass door, Jim waited for a response.
"Come on in Jim."
"How ya doing?" he asked softly.
"Wide awake. You?"
Jim nodded and walked over and sat down on the side of his friend's bed. Neither man said anything for several minutes. When Jim spoke, his voice was barely audible.
"Maybe ... maybe I can help."
Blair sat up letting his covers fall to his waist. He looked like he was about 16 years old ... so young and innocent. His hair was like a golden halo around his delicately featured face. Wide blue eyes searched Jim's for some further explanation. Then a pink tongue slipped out and wet his full lips before he spoke.
"What kind of help are you offering Jim?"
The Sentinel gathered a bit of the down comforter in his fist and twisted it tightly. The simple act seemed to have all of his attention.
"Give you some ... relief. I mean ... if you want ... no strings attached. I mean ... a mouth's a mouth ... and if you want ... I wouldn't mind. I mean ... I've always been kind of curious about ... well, you know ... and if it would help ... I'd do it. No big deal. I mean ... we used to do it ... you know ... for each other ... in the army. We'd never have to mention it again."
"Jesus Jim," Blair exhaled. "I ... uh ... wow ... that would be ... really nice ... I mean ... incredibly nice. I'm kinda in shock here. I mean ... I didn't know you ever ... um ... went for guys."
Jim's eyes shot up; fear sending sparks of fire through the small room.
"I'm not! I mean ... I don't ... go for guys. It's just that ... well ... you're my friend ... and ... you're hurting ... and ... well ... that's what friends are for."
Blair drew his knees up and wrapped his arms around his legs. Jim continued to stare at him as he thought over his friend's offer. Finally, Blair looked up and said "okay".
Jim pulled the comforter away with one hand and then reached up to pulled Blair's sweatpants down.
"No," Blair stopped him. "Not like that. Would you mind if ...? I mean ... kiss me first, okay? I don't want to feel like I'm with a ... I mean ... like I'm ... a charity case. Do you mind?"
Jim's smile was so sweet that it nearly broke Blair's heart. Then he brought a hand up and cupped Blair's face.
"Okay."
And then Jim kissed Blair. He kissed Blair with everything he had, wanting so badly to heal all the pain that was in his Guide's heart. He wove his hands into that gorgeous crown of curls and gave Blair's nose the tiniest little peck before he dove into that incredible mouth.
Oh, that mouth. Even Jim knew that a mouth like that bordered on obscene. He'd heard women talk about Blair's mouth. Hell, he'd heard men talk about it. Now that he was in it, he knew that it was everything all those others had speculated about and more. Jim's tongue easily glided past the full lips to slide against Blair's in the most erotic tango he'd ever danced ... tasting, testing, enjoying everything that beautiful mouth had to offer.
When the two men broke apart, they were both panting in huge gulps of air. Jim couldn't wait for such trivialities as oxygen though. He had work to do. He had to taste every inch of his Guide. He had to make his Guide come. He had to give his Guide relief. And so he pulled clothes out of his way and kissed a trail from Blair's navel to the dimple in his chin and back down to the bobbing Adam's apple. He worried one nipple with nimble fingers while he sucked the other into a rosy pebble. He stroked Blair's velvety cock while he nuzzled the crease where thigh meets body. Hell, he even sucked Blair's toes.
All five senses were spiraling out of control as he made love to his Guide. Jim's eyes raked over the writhing body beneath his and he saw Blair's blood as it pounded through his veins. His ears throbbed with the lusty moans that kept pouring from Blair's lips. His sense of touch was tuned so high that he could count the hair follicles on the man's heaving chest simply by rubbing against him. Musky smells were drowning him in desire, but it was taste that was his undoing.
Finally closing his lips over Blair's hard cock, Jim let his tongue stroke across the tiny slit, gathering up the fluid that had started to leak out. The pungent liquid rolled back and hit his taste buds, setting off explosions of flavor in his mouth. He didn't usually get off on the way guys tasted .. just tolerated it because they'd done the same for him ... but this was different. This was pure Blair Sandburg ... as complex as the finest wine ... as natural as spring water ... and the taste was the most wonderful he had ever experienced.
It was only natural then to suck on the penis thrusting into his mouth. He wanted more of that taste. And then with a scream of release, Blair came and Jim's mouth was filled with milky fluid. He gulped it down greedily, then fell back onto the bed, resting his head on one of Blair's thighs. It was minutes later that Jim realized that he'd come too.
True to his word, Jim left Blair's bed first thing the next morning and didn't mention the episode again.
It had apparently quit snowing sometime during the night, so the two men spent the biggest part of Sunday digging their cars out of the banks of snow that covered them. The temperature made it up into the 40s, so the white stuff was melting as fast as it had accumulated, making everything slushy and wet. Still, they spent most of the day outside, helping others get unstuck and clearing paths so that pedestrian traffic could resume. Blair fixed stew and biscuits for dinner that night and they sat and watched an old Charles Bronson movie and ate cinnamon rolls in front of the TV.
Four and a half months ago
Blair lay in bed and stared at the 18th century Japanese Noh mask on the wall. Naomi had given it to him for his last birthday ... three months late. She had told him all about the performer who had worn it in the production she had designed costumes for. He claimed that it had been in his family for years, but that right then he needed money more than sentimentality. Whatever the reason for his selling, Naomi had been able to get it for a steal. The actor had also told her some wild story about the mask being cursed ... that strange voices sometimes emanated from it ... but even she wasn't gullible enough to believe that one.
Blair had kind of hoped that one of those voices would pipe up right then and offer some brilliant advice, but the mask wasn't telling him anything he didn't already know. Things had not gone well with Margie and it had nothing to do with his dissertation or the lies he'd told about it. That was just an excuse that wasn't working anymore. It wasn't even that little problem with getting it up. That had been resolved thanks to Jim. The problem was that Blair didn't particularly want to get it up for Margie. They just hadn't ... clicked. No, it was worse than that ... it turned out that they really didn't like each other all that well.
It seemed that all Margie wanted was some quick fucks with no commitment. She'd been pretty up front with her intentions and he did admire her for that. Oddly enough though, that was not what Blair wanted. Geez, they'd barely finished dinner that first night before she was on his lap with her hands in his pants. She'd brought him off quickly once, then stripped them both to prepare for more. By the time they were through, he'd been inside every orifice in her body and she'd been in his. But as much as he'd enjoyed the sex, he'd actually been wanting someone to talk to.
So here he was, two weeks later, alone again. Now he didn't care about talking. Now all he wanted was release ... again. He might as well be buried under 10 feet of snow though. He had about as much chance getting laid as he'd had the weekend that Margie was stuck in Olympia.
With a huge sigh, Blair sat up, turned on the light and pulled the drawer in the bedside table open. He dug through the junk and found a tube of hand cream, but the thought of jerking off again was no longer appealing. He threw the cream at the mask and flopped back down on the bed.
In the silence of the night, he could hear Jim upstairs ... rattling around ... dusting at this hour, for god's sake. Jim had been so incredible the other night. Blair had had one of the most amazing orgasms of his life as Jim's mouth had sucked his cock dry. God, just thinking about it was making him hard again.
//What would you do?// he silently asked the mask. Maybe it was his imagination, but Blair was pretty sure the mask winked at him. Definitely time to get out of this room!
Blair rolled out of his bed and pulled his boxers back on. His hands were shaking as he grabbed a t-shirt and slipped into it. Then, with all the courage he could muster, he headed for Jim's bedroom.
Jim stopped dusting as he heard Blair leave his room and head for the stairs. He stood ramrod straight at the dresser, arranging the few family pictures he owned as the bare feet padded up the steps.
"Hey Jim," Blair said softly.
The tremor in his voice gave it a wistful, childlike quality.
"Whatcha doing?"
The Sentinel turned around and faced his roommate. A shy smile spread across his handsome face. Without a word, he reached for Blair's hand and pulled the younger man to him. The kiss was much more tender than their first ... less hungry and more loving this time ... but every bit as powerful.
"Oh god!" Blair exhaled as Jim moved from plundering his mouth to strip him of his clothes.
This time, Blair stopped the action before Jim could pounce. He owed the man a blowjob and after the incredible one Jim had given him, Blair was determined to repay the debt. He'd actually found a site on the Internet that gave instructions on them and combined with his own experiences, he was pretty confident that he could do a good job.
Slipping his hands underneath Jim's own t-shirt, Blair ran his hands up the broad chest, stopping only to lightly rub the tight nipples. A low growl reverberated through Jim's body as Blair lowered his head to kiss the newly exposed skin.
"You like that, don't you?"
The answering moan was all the encouragement he needed. Blair pulled the shirt up over Jim's head and tossed it over the railing. He leaned in and kissed Jim on the mouth again as he pushed his lover's boxers over his hips. They dropped to the floor with a soft whoosh. Jim kicked them aside, wrapped his arms around his Guide's waist and pulled them back onto the bed.
Blair skimmed down the naked body and off the side of the bed, landing on his knees between Jim's long legs. A blazing hot erection bumped him in the chin and he felt the moisture that signaled Jim's readiness beaded on the tip. All he had to do was turn his head a little to one side and open wide. With a flick of his tongue, the cock was beckoned in.
Closing his lips over the reddish brown crown, Blair sucked gently on the heated flesh. He was astounded as he felt it the living flesh swell even larger. At first, he'd been concerned that he wouldn't be able to do this, but now that he had Jim's cock in his mouth, it seemed like the most natural thing in the world. Gripping the base with one hand, he brought the other around to gingerly touch Jim's balls. Soon he was sucking and pumping and fondling and Jim was groaning and twining his fingers in Blair's hair and thrusting into that wet furnace of a mouth.
And then, without thinking, Jim pushed Blair's head away and came, spurting a stream of semen onto the astounded face of his roommate. He dropped back on the bed without another thought as Blair reached up and wiped a glob of the thick cream off his cheek. It was like baptism by fire. He'd never felt so turned on in his life and for some stupid reason he didn't really want to clean himself up.
Instead, Blair stood up, pushed Jim aside and crawled into bed beside him. His own erection was harder than ever with the tip of his cock poking out the waistband of his boxers, so Blair lifted his hips and pulled the flannel shorts off. He reached down to grip his now aching erection and felt Jim's hand cover his own.
"No, let me," Jim whispered into his ear before tracing the shell with the tip of his tongue.
Blair tensed as Jim's hand left his penis, but smiled broadly as he felt the older man's hand wipe some of the semen from his face, then use it to smooth the gentle strokes he was giving the rigid organ. The smile became a gasp as Blair felt a slick tongue begin to lick his face clean. Then the mouth was on his, savaging his lips while Jim's hand pumped his cock with more and more vigor. Blair's scream was muffled in the most spectacular kiss he'd ever experienced.
Three months ago
//Man ... when I fall in love ... it's like WHAM! Hits me like a ton of bricks. It was like that with Carolyn. One minute, I'm just minding my own business and the next I'm head over heels in love. It's like what Sandburg said the first time I met him. Holy Grail time! And it's just so weird cause you end up finding love in the strangest places with someone you'd never have pictured yourself with in a million years. But you can tell, you know? You can tell even though nobody else can see it. Who cares what they all think anyhow? It's inside you and you know it's right and that's all that ever matters.//
Jim bounded into the loft, tossed his keys onto the table by the door and vaulted over the back of the couch, landing next to his surprised roommate. The monologue that had been running through his head had him wired tighter than a spring. Blair caught the edges of the laptop before it bounced off his lap and then turned to regard Jim. The Sentinel was never this happy. Blair scooted his glasses down his nose and peered over the top, studying his friend closely.
"What's up?" he finally asked the grinning fool.
"I have just met the most fantastic woman! She's incredible Chief. You're just going to love her. Remember how we were working on that burglary at that herb farm?"
Not waiting for Blair's nod of agreement, Jim continued.
"Well, they hire all these mentally retarded kids to work there. It's really a cool operation. Gives the kids something to work at that's not really competitive, but makes them feel really useful and is a huge help to the woman that runs the farm. Anyhow, that's where I met Kathryn. She's a special ed teacher and is kind of the unofficial liaison between the school and the farm.
"So anyhow, we found out that the next door neighbor was the one that was stealing the equipment and that it wasn't the kids like some people originally thought, so the kids had this luncheon at the farm to thank us for clearing them. It was so cute. They were so proud of the meal they fixed ... it was actually pretty good ... sandwiches with some kind of sprouts on them ... and Kathryn was like this guardian angel watching over all these little cherubs. You'd have loved it, Chief. I can't wait until you finish at the academy so you can get back to work."
When Jim finally stopped to take a breath, Blair smiled indulgently and asked the obvious.
"So are you going out with Kathryn tonight?"
Jim jumped up and headed for his bedroom.
"Yep. Taking her to Le Papillion for dinner. Most romantic place in town. Got reservations for 8:00. Don't wait up!"
Blair chuckled softly and called up to his friend, "Don't worry. I've got a date with that new file clerk, Barb. I probably won't make it home tonight either."
The Guide closed the document he was staring at, snapped the lid of the laptop shut and set it on the coffee table. The story he'd downloaded suddenly lost its appeal. It had been a young Marine recruit's account of his introduction to male/male love. The story was both touching and erotic, but the thought of it now just made Blair want to cry.
He rose from the couch and wandered into his bedroom to change clothes. He didn't really have a date ... just another little white lie ... like all the other little white lies he told himself. What he was really doing was just going over to Barb's and help set up her new computer. Blair was pretty sure Barb's girlfriend wouldn't be terribly thrilled about the fib ... but he had to say something. Jim had just been so damn happy about his date and Blair didn't want to make him feel guilty about leaving his friend home alone.
"Guess it's back to spanking the monkey for you, little guy," he muttered to his suddenly alert penis. "What did you expect, you fucking idiot? Wedding bells and forever? Oh well, it was fun while it lasted."
//What the fuck is that all about?// Jim froze as he reached for a clean shirt from his closet. Sometimes he really hated being able to hear every whispered word being said. He'd actually believed that Blair had been happy for him. Now he knew differently. Well, too bad. Hadn't they agreed that their little 'dalliances' were nothing more than relief? Hadn't they just been about one friend helping out another?
It was like last weekend. Jim couldn't sleep and when he went down to see if Blair was still awake, the younger man had known immediately what he needed. They didn't have to do a lot of talking about their feelings or their future or any of that crap. Blair knew that he just needed to get off ... to get calmed down from the shitty day he'd had. Yeah, they'd joked around a little and kissed each other, but it wasn't like Blair was his boyfriend or anything. It was just something they did for each other because ... that's what friends were for.
God, the sex had been so hot that night. Blair had told Jim he had a surprise, then pulled out a bottle of Astroglide. His eyes had been sparkling with wicked intent as he slicked it over Jim's dick in long firm strokes, making it instantly hard. At first Jim had thought Blair was going to have him fuck him and that kind of freaked him out. But then his roommate had patiently explained, between sizzling hot kisses, that if Jim slid his cock between Blair's thighs, it would feel really good for both of them. As usual, the guy knew what he was talking about. Jim had come in huge spurts while stroking his partner's cock in time with his thrusts.
Afterwards they'd lain together and talked about the case Jim was working on. It was this stinking burglary case where someone had broken into a head shop and stolen a shitload of bongs and water pipes and incense. The incense that was left had given him a migraine and he was pissed about chasing after thieves who were probably nothing more than 16-year-old stoners stealing junk that should never be allowed for sale in the first place. The migraine got better, except that really high-pitched sounds still made his eyes cross and Megan was apparently PMSing because everything that came out of her mouth set his teeth on edge. Blair had massaged his scalp and made him laugh with his impersonations of the Aussie detective before they had fallen to sleep together.
In the morning, Jim had gotten up and showered first, then fixed breakfast for the two of them. Blair had griped about the lack of hot water ... as usual ... and bummed a ride to the academy because he didn't have money for gas until payday. There were no goodbye kisses or little love notes in his lunch bag. That would just be ridiculous. Jim grinned and thought if there had been, he would have spanked Blair's gorgeous little ass when he'd gotten home.
So where did he get off now acting like some jilted lover? They were both straight men. Why the fuck would he be surprised that Jim was going out with a woman? All right, it didn't happen that often, but it wasn't totally unheard of. And besides, they'd never said anything about forever. Jim tamped his anger down, quickly finished dressing and left the loft without even saying goodbye.
Two months ago
"Man, you and Kathryn are really speeding along, aren't you?" Blair asked casually as he set the table for dinner.
It was the first time they'd shared a meal in weeks and he'd gone out of his way to make it special. They were having beef stroganoff, salad and lemon poppy seed cake for dessert ... all Jim's favorites. Blair felt kind of silly making such a big deal about it, but he'd truly missed spending time with his best friend and even though Jim was only there because Kathryn had a faculty retreat that weekend, he was still happy.
He'd been so lonely the last few weeks. Maybe if his training at the academy was done and he was at least spending his days with Jim, it wouldn't be so bad. But to have gone from being joined at the hip, to just evenings ... god, those wonderful evenings ... to nothing hurt more than he cared to acknowledge.
They never, ever talked about the sex afterwards. Jim would be screaming Blair's name as he came one night and be ogling some bimbo's breasts on cable the next. Blair knew that Jim needed that ... needed the silence to maintain the faade that he was straight as an arrow ... and Blair was willing to give that to him. Shit, he'd given Jim his life already ... why not a little more self-deception?
Now this relationship with Kathryn was changing everything. Jim really thought he was in love with the little bitch, Blair thought uncharitably. She'd crook her little finger and Jim would be there, doing anything she wanted, and it always had to be done without Blair. He figured that she must have been pretty accommodating in the sack because Jim hadn't needed any 'relief' from Blair since he'd met her. Actually, he pretty much didn't need anything from Blair anymore.
God, how he wanted to scream at Jim ... make him finally admit that Kathryn was nothing more than a poor substitute for him, but that wouldn't work. Jim would first, punch him in the mouth and second, kick his ass out. So here he was, making idle conversation and putting on a happy face as he finished his preparations. It was strange, but he didn't even remember if Jim had answered his question.
"Oh, Chief. You out did yourself tonight," Jim moaned as he rubbed his stomach.
He leaned forward on the couch and poured another glass of wine for each of them, then brought his up to clink gently against his roommate's. Blair had filled the CD carousel with soft jazz and lit a fire so that when Jim walked into his home after a rough day at the station, he was immediately relaxed. The meal had been great and now it just felt so good to be home.
He really did love Kathryn, but sometimes all the plans she made for him were just too much. They rarely just spent a night at home ... either hers or his. She was involved in so many activities and she loved going to concerts and parties, so there was always something on. Jim knew that as they got more comfortable with each other, things would calm down, so he didn't complain. But he really did need some down time ... just to kick back and relax ... not have to be constantly on display.
But he was totally infatuated with Kathryn and would do anything to make her happy. To him, she was absolutely adorable. Kathryn had long blond hair that was so curly it seemed to have a life of its own, sparkling green eyes and the most kissable mouth he could ever remember seeing. She was short ... well, shorter than Sandburg ... and had a gently rounded figure. And she felt so good in his arms. He missed that tonight ... missed the feel of her pliant body pressed against his ... but he had to admit, this was nice too.
Sliding back into the soft cushions of the sofa, he practically purred in appreciation. Wanting only to show his best friend how happy he was, Jim twined the fingers of his left hand into Blair's hair and drew the young man to his lips. Blair melted into the kiss, sucking Jim's tongue into his still hungry mouth. The kiss ignited a fire inside the Sentinel and he was soon plundering the younger man's mouth. Blindly reaching to set his wineglass down, Jim shifted and felt the heat of Blair's cock resting against his thigh. The fire turned into a blazing inferno fueled by a desire that he could no longer contain.
"Oh god, Chief," Jim moaned as he hooked a leg behind Blair's and urged the man even closer. That glorious taste sparked his previously sated taste buds and he felt his arousal grow stronger.
"Fuck me, baby. Please?"
The words escaped his lips before he could censor them. Once out, he didn't care. It's what he wanted ... to feel Blair's beautiful cock inside his body ... filling him ... fucking him senseless. What would it hurt? It was just something to make each other feel better. That's what friends were for.
The younger man pushed himself up off the couch and then extended a hand out to his best friend. As Jim rose up, Blair drew the hand to his lips and pressed a light kiss to Jim's palm. And then, without a word, Blair led him up the stairs to bed. The Sentinel stood quietly and let himself be undressed and then arranged on top of the comforter before Blair began to take care of the other preparations.
In the dim evening light, Jim marveled once again at how angelic his partner looked. There was such an innocence about Blair that all the horrors of what had happened to him over the last four years could never erase. Back lit by the lamp on the dresser, Blair's features shimmered with a radiance that took his breath away.
"Turn over on your stomach."
Would he follow any command Blair gave him? Of course he would. No one knew him better. No one took better care of him than Blair. Blair would take care of him tonight and forever. He knew that without a shred of doubt.
"Okay, now just relax. I've been reading up on this. You being relaxed is like the most important part. You know I won't hurt you."
Jim moaned his response as Blair's talented fingers stroked and kneaded his sensitized flesh. He spread his legs apart and Blair settled between them, massaging his ass cheeks and pressing soft kisses to the muscular mounds. When Blair slipped a hand under his hips and pushed a pillow under, he rose up and situated himself on it. When strong fingers pulled the two cheeks apart, Jim clenched his anus reflexively. When Blair's tongue circled the entrance to his body, Jim nearly jumped from the bed. When Blair began to tongue fuck his hole, Jim thought he'd died and gone to heaven.
"I'm going to put a finger in you just to make sure that you're loose enough," Blair whispered over his shoulder.
Jim could smell the slightly astringent odor of Astroglide as Blair lifted the lid off a small bottle. The easy slide of oil-slicked hands told Jim that his lover was warming the lubricant before he applied it to his quivering body. The first invasion still caught him by surprise and he couldn't keep himself from tightening up again. Soft kisses to his shoulders and murmured endearments quickly eased the tension and Jim relaxed again.
"Okay baby. I'm going to try to push my dick in. If it hurts at all, you tell me, okay?"
Jim nodded against the pillow under his head. He could already feel the heat radiating off the organ he had come to know so well. When the sheathed cock touched his anus, it felt only comfortably warm. Then the head pressed through the tight sphincter and the warmth turned into an agonizing burn. Blair felt the change in Jim's body immediately.
"It's okay Jim. Dial it down a bit. I won't go any further until you're ready. Do you have any idea how sexy this is? I can't believe my dick is inside you. I wish you could see this. It's like we're one being. This is just the most incredible thing you've ever let me do."
"I'm ready," Jim eventually grunted out.
And then Blair pushed again. This time, he didn't stop until his entire length was completely sheltered in his lover's body. Words failed Blair as the sheer magnitude of what he'd just done hit him like a ton of bricks. When all this ... whatever it was they had ... started, he'd never have believed that he would end up fucking his partner. It left him in a state of awe.
Jim wasn't doing much better. The pain had quickly dissipated and was replaced by a pleasure that shot through his body like brilliant sparks of lightening. All he could do was moan his approval and push his hips back to let Blair know that he wanted movement and he wanted it now.
Blair was a smart guy and picked up the clue immediately. Pulling his cock almost all the way out of the tight furnace, the Guide thrust back in again none too gently. This time the head of his dick grazed Jim's prostate. The nerve endings on the little gland exploded like a thousand fireworks and Jim shrieked and quivered in delight. "Oh yeah," Jim breathed as Blair picked up the pace, stroking his prostate with every pass.
Squeezing a hand under his hips, Jim started pumping his own cock as Blair relentlessly pounded into his ass. He'd never before understood how gay men could do this. When he'd worked in Vice, he had this one informant that had told him all about being a bottom ... how the bottom was the one with the control ... how once a man had done it, he'd never want a woman again. Jim had listened to the guy and winced just thinking about it.
But now he knew. Maybe he'd believed it all along. Maybe that's why he'd even said the words to Blair. Yes, there was some initial pain. Yes, he felt more vulnerable than he'd ever felt in his life. But the pain had segued into a pleasure that he'd never imagined and now he didn't know if he ever wanted it to stop.
Suddenly, Jim's body tensed as his orgasm ripped through him like a firestorm. And then something even more amazing happened. As Blair's orgasm filled him with liquid heat, he became the panther once again and rushed headlong into the wolf that Blair had become. A blinding white light short-circuited his brain and for one shining moment the two became one. It was the fucking eye of god that Alex had talked about. Then Blair pulled free and Jim turned over to cuddle the wolf close and they were nothing more than two men again.
One month ago
Blair was right as usual. Things were speeding right along with Kathryn. Jim couldn't believe that they were actually getting married next month. Shit, he'd known Carolyn for two years before he'd proposed and they were engaged for another year before the wedding. Of course the marriage had lasted less time than the courtship.
Things were going to be different this time. This time Jim was going to do things right. Already, he found himself opening up to Kathryn ... talking about his feelings ... his hopes and dreams ... things he'd never, ever discussed with Carolyn. They wanted so many of the same things ... mainly a normal family life ... kids, house in suburbia, minivan in the drive.
He'd recognized right away that Kathryn was nothing at all like Carolyn. She wasn't driven by her career. She loved her job and was great at it, but she'd vowed to Jim that she'd give it all up when they had kids of their own. Being a full-time mother was more important than any other career she could hope for.
Her love for him made Jim feel young and energetic. He couldn't wait to be married to her ... to finally have his own family. He loved those nights when they could just lie together and talk about their future together. He hadn't realized how much he missed waking up next to someone he loved, reaching over in the night and sinking a hand into soft curls, having another person's warm breath bathe his neck as he slept.
It hasn't been all sunshine and roses since Jim had started seeing Kathryn. Their tastes were nothing alike. She loved classical music, hated sports and refused to even consider camping unless there was a place to plug in her blow dryer. Jim's favorite evenings were times when they were alone, but Kathryn preferred going out at night ... usually to her parent's country club, even if it was just to sit around and talk with other members.
At least he'd finally gotten to use those golf clubs he'd bought a few years ago. Jim had spent the past three Sundays playing in a foursome with Kathryn's father and his two business partners. It had been almost comical when they had all run into his dad. It seemed that William Ellison and Harvey Stillman had been business rivals for years. The look on his dad's face as he introduced Harvey as his father-in-law-to-be was almost worth missing the Jags game for.
And then there was Blair. Sandburg had been in a shitty mood for most of the last month ... biting Jim's head off every time he brought up Kathryn's name. Jim chalked it up to the pressure of finishing his training at the academy or just missing the university. He wasn't sure which it was, but it was really getting on his nerves. They hadn't had a civil conversation in weeks.
//Jesus, it's not like he didn't know that this was going to happen someday. I mean how many men in their 40s still had roommates? Okay, other than those kind!// Jim thought bitterly.
Now on top of Sandburg's moods, the guys in the bullpen had started ragging him about robbing the cradle. Kathryn was 30 ... same as Sandburg ... so there was only 10 years difference in ages ... not that much really. Jim just wrote that off as jealousy, but their other comments were a little more bothersome.
It had really pissed him off when Henri mumbled "not much of a change from Hairboy to Hairgirl" behind his back the first time Kathryn had come to the bullpen. Then, when Diltz told Rafe that "Sandburg must be jealous as hell to get kicked out of Ellison's bed to make room for her" he nearly punched out the other detectives. Instead, Jim just gave them his best stony stare and that pretty much shut them up ... at least until they thought he was out of earshot.
He hated himself for being so weak that he would occasionally eavesdrop, but he did and he'd heard all the nasty little comments about he and Blair all along. He knew that almost everybody in Major Crimes thought that this relationship with Kathryn was just a cover ... that he and Blair had been lovers for years. Well, they were wrong! He wouldn't do that to Kathryn. He wouldn't do that to Blair either.
Jim did have to admit that he didn't quite know what he was going to do without Blair always beside him once he was married. He'd still be his partner at work ... now that Blair had finished at the academy and was officially a detective. Thank god, the powers that be couldn't change that ... but what about the rest of the time?
Jim had actually just assumed that Blair would continue to live at the loft even after he and Kathryn were married. It was Blair's home. Why should he have to leave? But Blair and Kathryn had both reacted badly to the idea. Actually, it was the one thing that the two of them seemed to agree on. Jim was worried though. He was just so used to Blair being there ... always at his side ... making him laugh when he got too serious ... making him think before he started talking with his fists ... helping him out of the occasional zone ...
Blair had suggested that he give Kathryn some training in being a Guide before they got married. Shit, he hadn't even told her about the whole Sentinel thing yet. What was she going to feel like when he told her that she was not just getting a husband, but a whole new avocation? What if she didn't want to be a Guide? What if she thought he was some kind of circus freak? Blair had assured him that she wouldn't freak out ... that if she really loved Jim she'd gladly be his Guide. He said that he'd talk to her after Jim had broken the news to her for the first time.
Jim had planned to tell her that night. They were having dinner with Kathryn's parents ... firming up the wedding plans. Jim had gone into the evening thinking it wasn't going to be a big deal ... that neither of them wanted a fuss ... just some friends and family and maybe dinner at a nice restaurant afterwards. Kathryn and her parents had different ideas. They were now talking about 300 guests with about 290 of them coming from her side of the family.
They were certain that they could get it all together in 4 weeks, but he had his doubts. Yes, he knew that they had the connections at the country club to get their banquet hall on short notice and the chef had gone to school with Kathryn, so food wasn't a problem. It's just that Jim had not wanted this to turn into some major affair, but then he figured that if the bride wanted that kind of thing, the groom pretty much had to go along with it. He knew he shouldn't mind.
The Stillmans seemed to think that borrowing a few thousand to put on this wingding was more important than investing in their business, but Jim couldn't let them do that. He had plenty in savings and if Kathryn wanted a big wedding, then she'd get a big wedding. That's the way it had been with Carolyn. Jim had wanted to elope ... she wanted to walk down an aisle covered in rose petals. Carolyn got her wish.
They never did get around to talking about the whole Sentinel thing that night.
Present day
Blair stood outside the church and contemplated his future. He was a cop now ... Jim's permanent partner. They were finally working together full time. It had felt so good to be there for Jim again. He'd worried so much about the Sentinel zoning out while he was in the academy, but Jim had done great. Simon said that there had only been one incident and he'd been able to shout at his best detective until he came around. It wasn't the preferred method of bringing a Sentinel out of a zone, but it had worked.
At least now they'd be spending more time together again. It would sure be a different dynamic though, what with Jim getting married. He'd still be Jim's friend. He knew that nothing could change that. Their bond was too strong. But Kathryn would be Jim's wife and she would always come first. Yeah, their days of just the two of them hanging out and watching TV, cooking meals together and spending weekends camping in the mountains were over.
He'd found an apartment a couple of blocks from Jim's and would move in while Jim and Kathryn were on their honeymoon in Cancun. Kathryn wanted to sell the loft and build, but they'd need someplace to live until then. She just had a small apartment in a complex close to her school, so they didn't want to live there. She'd tried to talk Blair into taking over her lease, but he'd found a place on his own. Better to live in a tiny studio apartment than that pink and chintz nightmare she called home.
Blair had tried to start packing once he'd signed his lease, but Jim had gotten so prickly when he saw Blair's stuff in boxes, that the younger man had just pushed them into a corner and left them for later. He guessed that the sight of the boxes had triggered some pretty harsh memories for his Sentinel. Hell, they didn't do much for him either.
"Ready Chief?"
Blair turned and gazed up at his best friend in the world. Jim looked so damn handsome in his dove gray morning suit. The cut was perfect, accentuating the man's broad shoulders and incredible build and the color made Jim's eyes appear even bluer than usual. He was so fucking gorgeous that Blair just wanted to cry.
Instead, he grinned at his partner and said, "Yeah, Jim. Let's go get this show on the road."
It was the hardest thing he'd ever done, but he'd do it for Jim.
Inside, Simon was standing talking to the minister and Blair could see Kathryn peeking out of a side door. She gave them a little wave, then ducked back behind the closed door. Jim grinned at his bride, then walked over to join his best man. Blair moved to his seat next to Stephen and Mr. Ellison in the first pew and stared at a single calla lily lying on the minister's podium.
He'd managed to convince Jim to ask Simon to be his best man only a week ago ... giving him the speech about how they'd been friends longer and it would just make Simon so proud and be a good career move on top of everything. Jim had finally agreed, giving him such a loving smile for getting him out of the difficult situation of choosing between two friends. Then he had kissed Blair tenderly, cupping his face between gentle hands.
There had been such sorrow in Jim's eyes as he twined his fingers one last time through Blair's hair. Blair had started to back away before anything could happen but Jim had stopped him with a whispered plea. Gathering the younger man close, Jim had just stood for the longest time nuzzling the mane of curls. Blair was just starting to worry about a zone when Jim pushed away and stalked into the kitchen for a glass of water.
Suddenly organ music filled the chapel and Blair knew that this was it. It was over. His Sentinel no longer needed him as a Guide. In a few short minutes Jim would be a married man with a wife to protect and to protect him. Jim would have a mate in the truest sense of the word.
As the minister began to speak, Blair realized that he could see it all so clearly now ... Jim's future ... a future that had no place for Blair. Yeah, they'd start out as partners, but Kathryn would be so worried about Jim always being in danger that he'd eventually take a desk job to make her happy. No need for a partner then. Of course, they'd have kids too and that would take all of Jim's time. He'd spend every spare minute with them. Blair just knew that Jim would be such a great dad. He'd work so hard at giving his kids all the love and attention that he never got. Maybe he'd get to be Uncle Blair and take them to ballgames and museums and spoil them rotten. Probably not if Kathryn had anything to say about it.
Hot tears streamed down Blair's face and he knew with absolute certainty that he had to leave Cascade as quickly as possible. He couldn't bear the thought of a life without Jim, but it had to be better than a life where he was only a peripheral in his Sentinel's world ... nothing more than an afterthought to Jim and an annoyance to Kathryn. How long before she started questioning how the two men could have been friends in the first place?
He and Kathryn had tried to act like they liked each other for Jim's sake but Blair knew that she secretly loathed him. It was okay. He thought she was a manipulative little bitch. It was unfair to Jim to put him in the middle of that ... defending his friend to his wife. It would only cause trouble. No, it was better if Blair just left ... made a clean break. The decision was made. There was just one last thing to do.
"Goodbye Jim."
Blair said the words softly ... barely even a whisper ... getting used to the feel of them. With a whole lot of practice he could probably even say them to Jim's face without sobbing like a little girl.
Suddenly Blair was yanked from his seat and pulled up face to face with one very pissed off Sentinel. Strong hands twisted the lapels of his best suit, holding him up on tiptoes, so that he could see all the way into the icy depths of Jim's blue eyes.
"What did you say?" Jim demanded.
"Jim, what the hell are you doing, man?"
Blair's hands went out to press against Jim's shoulders as he glanced around quickly. Kathryn was at the altar crying and everyone else in the chapel was frozen in their spots, staring at the two men. He could feel their glares land on him like a physical assault. It didn't seem to matter to Jim. He continued to hold Blair in his firm grip demanding an answer.
"What did you say, dammit? Did you say goodbye, Blair? Are you leaving me, Blair?"
The younger man put a hand on Jim's chest and tried his best Guide voice.
"Jim, stop this. You're in the middle of your wedding. We'll talk later. I promise. I won't go anywhere until we've talked. Now just get back up there and finish getting married."
Jim just bared his teeth as a flash of gold shot across his eyes.
"You're not leaving me, do you hear me? You're my Guide, Blair. You're my life. I can't make it without you. I don't want to even try. I love you, Blair."
"I love you too, Jim."
Two men stood alone in a quiet chapel and declared their love for each other. They smiled at the wonder of it all ... the absolute perfection of the moment. Then without further words, the two men vowed to love each other forever and sealed the vow with a kiss. It was a wonderful kiss ... a perfect kiss ... full of promise and passion ... enveloping them in a cocoon of love. What God has witnessed, let no man put asunder ...
Holy Grail time!
Around them, chaos erupted. Sharp gasps and exclamations of surprise, overlaid with a wail of anger rang through the crowded chapel. Someone, maybe Simon, was trying to direct the mass of people out through the arched doorway. Jim's dad was laughing loudly and yelling something like "serves you right Stillman" while Stephen pulled out a flask and took a large drink of whiskey. Henri hollered, "way to go Hairboy" and Megan cried daintily into a lace handkerchief. Rafe slapped a ten dollar bill into Diltz' hand while the minister and maid of honor had their hands full with the kicking and screaming bride. Mrs. Stillman fainted. Mr. Stillman clutched his chest and sank down onto the pew in a state of shock. None of it mattered.
Jim held the precious face of his lover between his hands and stared into two huge sapphire blue eyes.
"Oh god, Blair. You scared me so much. Don't ever do that to me again, okay?"
Blair nodded dumbly as Jim stroked a thumb over his lips.
"Let's go home, baby."
Drawing his lover to his side, Jim walked them through the detritus of what could have been the biggest mistake of his life and out to their future together.
END