Chapter Text
Simon James Paladino had a problem.
Normally, Simon would deal with his problems through research, logic, and due process. As a lawyer, his everyday problems were his client's problems, which could be solved through a basic formula of sorts that Simon had perfected throughout the years. Then, the problem would be settled definitively in the courts, in his favor or not (more than often in; he was particularly good at his job, and he wasn’t afraid to admit it - it was objectively true, afterall), but settled forever nonetheless. Even his own personal problems were issues that were out-of-sight out-of-mind issues all well, as he had the quick and simple method of dealing with them by just pushing them to the back of his mind. That was fine. The way he settled manners was fine. Simon was fine with his life just being fine.
It actually seemed like that lifestyle was more than fine now, as he reflected back on his day-to-day life before he stopped being just Simon, and became Gazerbeam as well; on that fateful day in the diner where Mr Incredible and Frozone practically demanded that he had to join their line of work. Since then, he constantly had a great deal of problems that could not be solved with a formula, or even definitively.
Well, to say it was a great deal of problems was an obfuscation. Objectively, it was just one problem; or, more precisely, one man causing many problems.
Yes, Simon thought, That is the logical way to think about this.
As a burst of green got dangerously close to disfiguring him permanently, he ruefully remembered that in situations like this, he didn’t even have the time to think about his problems in the long, heavily thought out way that he was comfortable with. No, he just had to fight - and Simon was not an expert in that.
Gazerbeam, however, was a sufficient fighter, as had recently been pointed out by the local paper’s newest article, where he was featured as one of the most skilled combatants among superheroes due to his superhuman endurance. His laser vision was also particularly useful for his superhero identity (though less than useless for Simon Paladino). So, he was able to dodge the would-be-lethal radiation blast with relative ease.
“Thinking too hard again, One Eyes?” Gamma Jack, formerly known by the alias “Handsome Jack” (which had been quickly shut down by the NSA through their deep ties in the media and the reinforcement of the name “Gamma Jack” by Supers themselves - no way could the superhero agency have a villain running around with a name that just highlighted how physically attractive he was), taunted his archnemesis.
Gazerbeam ignored him and his idiotic comments, as he usually did, and instead shot a laser at the window to the right of Gamma Jack, causing it to reflect and launch straight towards the villain's back. A cloud of green surrounded Gamma Jack as he flew sideways to dodge the shot, but his reaction time was too poor, as the beam managed to singe a hole through his yellow cape. Gamma Jack’s expression soured at this - his mouth forming a pout before opening again to talk more nonsense at the unfortunate Gazerbeam.
“That the best you can do? Seriously, you’re starting to bore me here,” He snapped, but the words lost their bite from the panting he was trying almost desperately to downplay.
He then launched another burst of radiation, but Gazerbeam had no issue dodging the feeble attempt at an attack. This prompted Gazerbeam to realize - this fight had honestly been dragging on longer than usual for the two, which was why Gazerbeam’s mind had started to drift in the first place. Gazerbeam was the bored one, not Gamma Jack, who was looking more worn-out than Gazerbeam had ever seen him before. The laser-shooting Super had just assumed that since Gamma Jack was a Super Villain, their endurance would be comparable. Now, this fight had proved this to be false, as Gazerbeam’s endurance proved to be far superior. Finally, he had a definitive weakness of his problem that he could exploit, which was another step towards definitively solving his most annoying problem.
“What the fuck are you smiling about, you fucking human nightlight?!”
Obviously, the delight from Gazerbeam’s new revelation had unconsciously shown on the hero’s face, and had caused the villain to feel excessive fury. Gazerbeam mentally noted that that too could be another weakness to exploit, but for now, he had to focus on his main newly-formed plan.
“What, can I not just be happy to see you?” With the superior edge in the fight that Gazerbeam now had, he realized it would be a perfect time to showcase his good sense of humor. He didn’t like it when people called him boring, after all.
Instead of laughing, Gamma Jack abandoned his strategy of aimlessly throwing bursts of gamma radiation, and lunged directly for Gazerbeam’s throat.
Even visibly exhausted, Gamma Jack was still so damn unpredictable and infuriating. Not too unpredictable, thankfully, as Gazerbeam’s head was still attached to him and not lying decapitated on the cold, cement floor due to the complete disintegration of his neck by the hands around his throat that would have otherwise happened if not for the lead he lined his suit with. Really, the only weakness Gazerbeam could reliably exploit of Gamma Jack’s (his tantrums not included as “reliable,” as Gazerbeam had never once been able to intentionally trigger them - but in most fights had been able to trigger them nonetheless due to his abysmal skill of reading others) had been his inability to penetrate lead with his gamma radiation.
But, as the pressure around his throat tightened, Gazerbeam realized that Gamma Jack wasn’t even trying to kill the Super with his radiation powers - he was trying to kill him with his bare hands.
Gazerbeam couldn’t help but smile to himself again; defeating Gamma Jack seemed almost too easy now, as even on a good day, Gamma Jack’s strength was barely above that of an average athletic human. But now, Gamma Jack was severely weakened due to his inferior endurance. Heck, Gazerbeam might even be able to definitively solve this problem now by finally capturing Gamma Jack. He was almost giddy.
As the strangling turned to throttling (Gamma Jack must really hate Gazerbeam’s smile - was he really so strikingly less appealing than “Handsome Jack”?), Gazerbeam realized he had to save his celebrations for after, and focus on solving his main problem once and for all.
Looking down at the blond, the Super noticed the height difference between himself and Gamma Jack. By a significant margin, in fact. Gazerbeam knew he was a tall man, but he assumed Gamma Jack was as well. As this was the closest he and Gamma Jack had ever been, this was the first time he had an opportunity to perceive that piece of information. He couldn’t help but wonder if that was intentional on Gamma Jack's behalf - Did his archnemesis fly above him so much to hide this fact? To present himself as someone higher than who he actually is?
It seems I have made a multitude of errors in my assumptions regarding Gamma Jack, Gazerbeam thought to himself as he got even closer to the smaller villain, instead of trying to pry himself free from the hands strangling him like most people would.
Simon wasn’t like other people.
The decrease in distance momentarily startled Gamma Jack, causing his throttling to cease momentarily, which was enough for Gazerbeam to begin his plan to get out of the chokehold. Gazerbeam firmly grabbed the arms strangling him - Gamma Jack, thinking this meant he was finally desperately struggling against him, just smiled smugly in response. The smugness was like the cue to enact his next step, in which he squatted to be eye level with Gamma Jack. Taking advantage of the villain’s confusion at this, Gazerbeam managed to slip one of his legs between Gamma Jack’s thighs. For some reason, Gamma Jack’s face started to sprout pink spots at this. Those disappeared rather quickly, though, as Gazerbeam used his core and leg strength to lift Gamma Jack into the air suddenly.
“Uuurghh!” Gamma Jack shouted as his face contorted in pain. That likely didn’t feel great to his crouch region.
The second his grip loosened, Gazerbeam used the hold still on his arms to pry the hands away from his neck. Then, he utilized the hold he had on him to throw him face down on the ground, quickly joining him again by sitting on his back. With how exhausted the villain must have been by now from the struggle, Gazerbeam hoped he would just fall asleep on the ground where he lay. Of course, this fight had to have a higher degree of difficulty, as the body beneath him immediately began to struggle.
As hands glowing green reached upwards to melt the exposed parts of Gazerbeam’s face, he swiftly secured both of Gamma Jack’s wrists in his hand and slammed them to the ground, pressing himself fully against Gamma Jack’s back to keep him in place. For extra precaution, he wrapped his legs around the smaller man’s own. Fully secured, Gamma Jack struggled the only way physically possible - squirming as hard as he could.
Rolling his eyes beneath his visor, Gazerbeam leaned his face down so he could speak directly into Gamma Jack’s ear, “Stop with your wiggling, we both know that it’s futile,” He essentially scolded the villain, his hot breath causing the blond swoop of hair below him to shake slightly. “Just be a good boy and turn yourself in easily.”
Gamma Jack, as always, did the exact opposite of what Gazerbeam instructed him to, and squirmed even harder. Gazerbeam mentally scolded himself for believing for even a moment that someone as idiotic as Gamma Jack could actually listen to logic for once. But then, he noticed something else to the squirming. The body beneath him was practically shaking like a leaf now. Could Gamma Jack be… scared? Maybe the blond was just acting irrationally due to fear. Perhaps calming him down could actually make him listen to reason.
Gazerbeam adjusted his grip - no less firm, but gentler.
“Hey,” Gazerbeam breathed into his ear, his voice soft, “I know that you’re scared right now. You probably feel like getting captured is life ending for you. But don’t worry too much, there are a lot of laws in place to make your stay in prison more comfortable than you des- more comfortable. Just relax, and we’ll return to NSA calmly with no further fighting.”
He ended his mini speech with a reassuring squeeze to Gamma Jack’s wrists, having to reposition his body a bit closer against his to do so, and felt Gamma Jack gasp. Emphasis on felt rather than heard, as he could feel Gamma Jack’s entire body shudder as he released the small puff of air. Gazerbeam thought he had finally got through to him, until he heard pieces of the floor beneath them dropping down to the next story.
Gazerbeam realized too late that when Gamma Jack was squirming, he wasn’t struggling futilely. He was actively melting a hole through the floor.
They both crash through the cement, Gazerbeam keeping himself wrapped to Gamma Jack so he doesn’t go splat against the next level as Gamma Jack starts flying the second he has melted enough of the floor. It doesn’t take long before they both start wobbling.
“Get… the fuck… off of me!” Gamma Jack emphasized each word by trying to shake Gazerbeam off of him wildly. Gazerbeam’s grip was iron, though, and so the escape attempt was futile.
Gazerbeam just had to hold on a bit longer, and Gamma Jack would soon be too tired to keep them both flying. It seemed like the perfect plan, until he realized the drop was significantly higher than he thought. If only he had realized that sooner.
Gazerbeam wasn’t entirely sure how much time passed when he was unconscious. What he did know, however, was that there was a body beneath him, that had not yet joined him in the land of the living. It took him another moment to remember who that was.
Gamma Jack.
He quickly got off the smaller man, trying to assess how injured they both were from the fall. Gazerbeam only had a few minor scrapes, but that seemed to be because Gamma Jack took the brunt of the damage, as he deduced from the position he had woken up in, and the state of the villain’s body.
He looked so… awful. His body was limp and slightly arched from the awkward angle of impact. Gazerbeam felt a pang of guilt for not releasing Gamma Jack’s wrists before the impact, as that seemed to have made the damage from the fall so much worse. His arms were still pinned above his head, with his wrists already forming bruises and bent wrong. His shoulder was clearly dislocated. The pose made him look so restrained and helpless. It was all wrong. Then he noticed the blood dripping from Gamma Jack’s nose, and realized that he needed to see the extent of the damage on his front. Thankfully, it seemed that Gamma Jack had been able to move his arms enough to protect his face a bit, but with his arms above his head during impact, his chest and abdomen had taken the full brunt of the impact without any bracing. And there was the addition of a heavier male crashing down on top of him. There also was the problem of the spine - Gazerbeam felt like a bucket of ice had been dumped on him at the thought of permanently paralyzing someone. Then, he realized with even more dread - he could have just killed someone. He quickly dealt down, almost sick with guilt. When he heard his breathing, he let out a breath of own in relief. But then he noticed how rattly the breaths were. His ribs were definitely broken.
This was bad. Very bad. There was no way he could arrest Gamma Jack now. He was a lawyer, and a NSA Super. He knew how the medical care was inside of super villain prisons - nonexistent. They assumed that all super villains had some kind of healing factor; and if they didn’t, they deserved to die. Gamma Jack obviously didn’t have a healing factor. If he took him in right now, he would be no better than a murderer. He had to help him.
Gazerbeam had to do all that he could here, then try to take him to a better location. He started by gently prying his wrists apart. They still hung above his head, now limp, when there had been so much fight in them earlier. In him. He pushed those thoughts down, and got to work. One wrist was bent wrong, and the other was scorching hot and already puffed up. A sprain and a fracture. He made a splint out of Gamma Jack’s cape - the hole he had burned through it earlier made it easier to rip - and found a piece of splintered wood from the fallen ceiling to rig a splint. For the other wrist, he bound it tightly with more of the cape. He then turned his gaze toward the shoulder.
‘Better to get this over while he’s unconscious,’ Simon mentally mused as he shoved the joint back in place with a sickening pop.
Then he looked at his face. His mask was torn, but with the amount of blood on his face, it might as well have acted as a substitute. After wiping the blood from his face, he was able to see that the main source of blood seemed to be dripping from his temple. Reaching into his belt, Gazerbeam was grateful he always remembered to restock the minimal first aid kit he kept in there as he pulled out bandages and disinfectant. The mask was then ditched entirely as he had to move on to the cut that he noticed right below his eye.
Gazerbeam had to muster up the courage to turn him over, as he knew the brunt of the damage would be on the front. The suit was torn essentially everywhere. And…
‘Wait, does Gamma Jack go commando?’ He banished that thought out of his mind as quickly as it came. Saving always had to take priority.
After bandaging and disinfecting the remaining cuts, he realized there was nothing more for him to do for Gamma Jack, at least not here. He wrapped the rest of his cape around the torso, trying to limit movement to prevent further damage of the ribs, but knew that broken ribs could really only be treated through rest.
But where would Gamma Jack rest? Gazerbeam had already ruled out prison as an option. And he couldn’t exactly call in a favor from Mr. Incredible or Frozone for this. They would have every right to report him for trying to harbor a super villain. No one else in his life even knew that he was Gazerbeam, and with the state Gamma Jack was in, there was definitely no time to change back into Simon Paladino. That left only one option.
One arm slipped under Gamma Jack’s legs, the other under his back. The blond whimpered weakly, in so much pain even unconscious. Thinking about how awful this would be for him, no, for both of them, when Gamma Jack finally woke up, Gazerbeam began his trek back home.