Chapter Text
THEN
Clark age 29
“Superman!” The child shouts. It is an excited squeal, as Robin throws himself off a three story building.
Superman floats up and catches an arm full of Robin. He hears Batman and Nightwing both yell for the younger boy. But Superman mostly hears Robin’s laughter. It is wild and magical.
Superman holds Robin close to him, inhaling his scent in that moment. Jason is a petulant child, only doling out affection when he wants to. Not that Clark blames him. Still, Clark savors every second that Jason allows this close comfort.
“Did ya miss me Robin?” Superman asks. He missed Robin, he missed them all. Two weeks away on a league mission was far too long.
“Course I did.” Robin says easily, but the words make Superman’s heart soar, “B isn’t the same when he can’t talk to you.”
Superman rises more, depositing Robin back onto the roof of the building. Batman is frowning at the two of them, and Nightwing seems to be trying to do the same, but he can’t school his face to be angry.
“Robin.” Batman starts his voice firm and his lips pressed into a line. But Superman can hear the amusement in his tone, the lightness in his heart beat.
“What Old Man?” Robin asks, crossing his arms over his chest. “You got a problem with me greeting Superman?”
Batman is gritting his teeth, especially when Nightwing comes over to Superman and pulls him into a deep hug. Superman inhales Nightwing as well, feels his heart beat and knows his children – Not his children! Bruce’s kids – are safe.
“Of course I don’t have a problem with you greeting Superman.” Batman replies tightly. “I just don’t want you jumping off buildings.”
Superman smiles at Batman, and is greeted by a tight lipped smile. It isn’t much, but the rest will be saved for the manor, away from Gotham’s watchful eye, and away from the eyes of the kids.
Robin waves off Batman’s worries. As if Batman told him off for having too much sugar, not for jumping off a building.
“Come on,” Jason laughs, “Supes always catches me.”
THEN
Clark age 31
“Remind me never to sign up for an extended space mission again.” Dick says stretching as they exit the shuttle pod. Back onto the Watch Tower. They are minutes away from home. Clark can’t wait to kiss Bruce, to ruffle Jason’s hair and mostly to sleep in a bed that is made for his size.
“You have no room to talk.” Clark says with a laugh, “Remind me never to sign up as the chaperone for a group of teens on an extended space mission again.”
Dick laughs.
They get to the zeta tube, and Dick punches in the code to the Batcave.
They arrived home two days earlier than they had expected, March 28th. Clark grins thinking about how Jason will jump up and pretend like he didn’t miss them. He thinks how Bruce will press a kiss that tastes like coffee to his lips and tell Clark he missed him. He thinks about how he will show Bruce how much he missed him later tonight.
Clark goes through the zeta tube.
Recognized: Superman
The automated voice calls out his arrival to the cave. Clark expects Jason to bound up, he expects Bruce to smile and wink at him, he expects Alfred to say something very British.
He doesn’t expect the oppressive nature of the cave. When he enters it feels like it is choking him.
Something is wrong. Clark’s body screams at him.
He closes his eyes and he listens. The house has two heart beats. Only two.
No! Clark almost falls to his knees. He wants to scream to cry. Bruce is dead! That is why the cave is oppressive, Bruce is dead, the love of his life is dead.
Recognized: Nightwing
The automated voice echoes through the emptiness of the cave.
Dick’s grin falls as soon as he sees Clark’s face. That lazy contentment of a well done mission was replaced with apprehension. Clark wants to protect him from whatever awaits them upstairs.
“Clark?” Dick asks, and when Clark looks at him he sees the kid 11 year old kid that came into his life when he started dating Bruce.
“It’s going to be okay Dick.” Clark promises, but it is a hollow promise.
Because there are only two heartbeats upstairs.
They leave the cave and find Alfred in the kitchen. The butler is actually crying, well more like sniveling, as he prepares tea. Clark is shocked, he always thought Alfred was too English for emotions.
Dick is stiff behind him.
“Oh,” Alfred says when he sees them, blinking as if surprised that they would be here, “I see it’s the 30th.”
Because they were supposed to return on the 30th. Except the mission ended two days early.
“Alfred?” Dick asks, his voice shaking. “What happened?”
Alfred presses a hand to his mouth. Clark listens to only two heart beats.
“I am so sorry Master Dick.” Alfred starts, but cuts himself off with emotions thick in his voice. Dick reaches out, but his hand stops in the air. Instead he grabs for Clark’s arm. Clark takes is.
There are footsteps behind them. Clark frowns, because this is wrong. The footstep treads are too heavy to be Jason.
But that doesn’t make sense, because Bruce is dead.
Bruce has to be dead.
Clark might lose the love of his life if Bruce is dead, but if it isn’t Bruce that is dead…
The thought is too much to bear. Because if Bruce is dead that is a terrible tragedy, but Clark can live. He will live on for the boys. If it isn’t Bruce who is dead, the mere thought is too much. Because it will irrevocably break something in Clark.
Still, Clark turns around.
Bruce is standing in the doorway, bags under his eyes. He looks pale and tired. He looks dead inside.
Clark crumbles.
Jason had jumped, and Clark hadn’t caught him.
THEN
Clark age 28
Superman isn’t supposed to be in Gotham without express permission from Batman, but Superman hasn’t seen Batman weeks. Sure they talk on the phone, but Bruce is cagey when they talk. And Clark misses his boyfriend.
Both Bruce and Batman have been busy the past couple of weeks. And Clark is trying to give Bruce space, because his only son moved out to university and Bruce doesn’t handle emotions well. But there is only so long Clark can go without cuddles.
So he figures it wouldn’t be that big of a deal to fly around Gotham to see if Batman needed help and then maybe ask him out on a date that doesn’t involve crime fighting. One that can safely end at the manor since there is no kid at home.
He sees a cape flutter in the distance, perching down on a rooftop.
Superman grins, flying over to the shape.
He was hoping for Batman, but what he finds is Robin. A Robin that is considerably younger then the one he is used to. Superman actually shakes his head to make sure the kid is really a kid, and Superman isn’t just over tired.
But no, there is a child hunched on the roof smoking a cigarette in full Robin uniform.
The kid sees Superman before he can think of something to say.
“Don’t blab to B.” Robin says quickly, snuffing the cigarette out of the roof. He looks nervous, wide eyes dashing around, “I promise I haven’t been doing that shit anymore. This was the first time on patrol ever.”
The kid is lying. Badly lying.
But Superman still isn't sure who the kid is.
“Relax,” Superman says placatedly, “Batman doesn’t have to hear about this. As long as you promise it is the last time you smoke.”
New Robin nods vigorously. Superman doesn’t believe it for a second.
“Thanks Clark – Shit I mean Superman. Sorry I am still getting used to this whole codename thing.”
“You know who I am?” Superman says in surprise. So this new Robin is legit, Superman had half convinced himself it was just a kid dressing up.
“Sure, B has talked about you.” Robin waves off, “Says you’ll be coming around because you're his boyfriend, but you won’t come over until I’m ready to meet you. Which is ridiculous, because I told B that it is his house and he can have whoever he wants over.”
“Boyfriend? He used that term?” Superman asked. Because Superman considered them together. They had been dating for about a year. Clark went to Dick’s gymnastics meets and his basketball games. But Bruce never used the term boyfriends.
Robin pretends to gag.
“Ugh you’re as bad as he is. Mooning after each other. Just save it for when I’m asleep.”
That was when Batman arrived on the rooftop.
“Robin. What have I said about leaving crime scenes without me?” Batman asks gruffly, not even looking at Superman.
“That I shouldn’t go off alone . But I wasn’t alone, I was with Superman.” Robin points to Superman as if proving a point.
Superman raises a brow at Batman, “Hi honey, is there something you forgot to tell me about?”
THEN
Clark age 29
Jason is outside Clark’s study. It isn’t really Clark’s study. It is the room that Bruce let’s Clark work in when he is at the manor. And if it is decorated to Clark’s tastes with Clark's first published article framed on the wall, well Clark doesn’t mention it.
Clark waits for Jason to come into the room.
The kid has been pacing back and forth down the hallway for about 30 minutes now.
Finally Jason seems to pluck up the courage to knock on the office door. Clark smiles, “Come on in.”
Jason comes with his hands stuffed deep in his pockets. Jason has been in the Wayne household for about a year at this point. He is getting formally adopted by Bruce in a few short weeks. And yet Jason looks very unsure of himself in this space.
“Hey Jason, what can I do for you?” Clark asks.
Jason mumbles something too fast and too quiet for even Clark’s super hearing to pick up.
“ What? ”
Jason looks up, his blue eyes blazing with fire. Clark waits.
“I said,” Jason huffs trying again, “that I want you to be at this whole adoption thing.”
Clark isn’t expecting it.
Jason’s adoption is something that Bruce has been so excited for, but he has left all the details to Jason. Jason is choosing who is going to be there, Jason is choosing where they are going to go to dinner after. It is Jason’s day. And Jason made it very clear he wants family only.
Family, meaning Bruce, Alfred and Dick. Not Clark, despite how Clark yearns to be a member of the family.
“I am sorry, I don’t understand-”
Jason huffs, “I thought you were supposed to be smart. I said I want you to come to the whole adoption thing Pops.”
All the words are amazing, Jason wants him. Jason wants him there. Jason called him Pops .
“I thought you just wanted family there?” Clark says dumbly. Then he adds quickly, “Jason I don’t want you to think you have to invite me anywhere.”
Jason kicks at the floor. His face is bright red, and anger burns in his eyes.
“If you don’t want to come you don’t have to.” Jason says.
Oh. It isn’t anger, Clark realizes. It is humiliation.
Jason thinks Clark doesn’t want to come.
Clark stands immediately, because Jason thinking that simply won’t do. He comes over to Jason, he doesn't touch the kid. Even if he wants to gather him into a hug.
“Jason there is nothing I want more than to be there to celebrate with you. If that is truly what you want.”
Jason shrugs, “‘Course I want you round. You’re family too.”
THEN
Clark age 32
“I can’t watch you kill yourself!” Clark yells, his voice breaking on every word. He can’t. He has already lost Jason, and he can feel their relationship cracking under the pressure. Clark can’t lose this, can’t lose him too.
“Then don’t look.” Bruce hisses out, his voice dangerous.
Clark steps back, like he was slapped. He feels like he might have been.
Tears sting at his eyes as he stares at the man he loves. The man who is tearing himself apart to be put in the ground next to his son.
“You still have people who love you here. You have Dick, you have Alfred, and you have me!” Clark says.
“You think I don’t know that? You think I don’t know that I have to keep living because I have another son to keep safe? I know Clark, and I will keep living, but I don’t want to. Not anymore. It isn’t really a life worth living if Jason isn’t in it.”
Clark hates Bruce at that moment.
“I can’t be with someone who doesn’t care about themselves.” Clark whispers.
As soon as he says it, he wants to take it back. He wants to curl around Bruce and give him his heart, and wants to protect him from everything terrible in this world.
But he also wants to be with someone who wants to be alive.
“Then I guess we can’t be together anymore.”
Clark leaves the cave. His left hand feels naked.
THEN
Clark age 30
Clark doesn’t hear them. He doesn’t even hear the door open. It is because the Wayne boys register as family, Clark is so hyper aware of them, but also painfully oblivious to them.
He honestly isn’t expecting it when Dick dive bombs onto Clark’s childhood bed with Clark still in it.
Clark shoots up, suddenly very awake.
Jason is cackling with laughter. Bruce is watching with amusement on his lips. And Dick who is 20 now and much too old to be jumping on Clark’s bed is smiling innocently.
“What are you guys doing here?” Clark asks looking around his childhood room and feeling like it is lacking.
Bruce grew up in the manor, with opulence and riches everywhere. Clark is embarrassed that his old bedroom has a full bed instead of a king. The fact that the wallpaper is peeling in the corners of the room. Bruce deserves so much, and he still picks Clark every day.
“Clark, it’s your birthday .” Dick says as if it makes everything obvious.
“You’ve got to be with family on your birthday.” Jason says, his voice firm.
Clark looks to Bruce, he finds his boyfriend grinning. It is warm and inviting. It seems like Bruce is asking him something. It cracks Clark’s heart open, he wants to shout and scream. Yes. Yes. Yes.
“Boys, why don’t you help Martha make the pancakes.” Bruce finally says.
Jason and Dick exchange a look. Dick gets a sly smile.
“Come on Jason, let’s leave them to kiss .” Dick says.
Jason pretends to gag, but leaves easily with Dick on his heels.
Bruce comes over to Clark and sits on the edge of his bed. He looks very out of place in his cream button-up and slacks in the wooden farm house. It is completely endearing.
Bruce leans down and presses a long lingering kiss to Clark’s lips. He tastes of the sun and of the future. Clark could kiss Bruce forever. Clark wants to kiss Bruce forever.
“Is it okay that we came here?” Bruce asks, uncharetiteristically unsure of himself.
“More than okay.” Clark confirms, kissing Bruce again, “You’ve got to be with family on your birthday.”
THEN
Clark age 32
Clark is doing fine. He moved back to Metropolis and got an apartment that he likes (read: hates). He goes to lunch biweekly with Dick. He even has a relationship with Bruce’s new kid, as much of a relationship as one can have with your mentor’s ex-fiance. The tan-line on his left finger is almost gone.
Clark is doing fine.
But not today.
Today is Jason’s birthday. It is the first birthday that Jason won’t grow up on. Because Jason is stuck at 15. Jason didn’t get a chance to grow up and Clark hates that.
He stares at the ceiling for a long time, waits for it not to feel like a momentous task to get out of bed.
It doesn’t get easier.
Clark had called out today. He had rented a car and drove a few towns over from Gotham last night, staying in a motel. Today he planned on going to Jason’s grave and then enjoying a chili dog. He planned on making it a good day.
It can’t be a good day though. Because Jason is dead.
Clark arrives at Jason's grave early. He planned it this way, because he is sure Bruce will also come today, but much later. Clark hasn’t seen Bruce since their last fight. He has seen Batman, has worked with Batman and had stilting awkward conversations in the field with him, but he hasn’t seen Bruce.
Jason’s grace is nice, and nice as a child’s grave can be.
Clark doesn’t know if he wishes he had been there for the funeral, or if he is thankful he didn’t have to see them lower the boy into the ground.
It doesn’t matter now.
“Hey Jay.” Clark says stiffly. “I know I haven’t visited in a while.”
Clark had only visited once before. The day that he found out Jason was gone. He had come to the grave and used his x-ray vision to confirm. He had thrown up after seeing the boy he loved beaten so savagely.
Clark clears his throat and sits down facing the tombstone. He holds up a copy of Pride and Prejudice as a peace offer.
He pictures Jason’s scoff, pictures Jason’s eyes hungry for the book, just pictures Jason alive.
Clark reads.
He gets through three chapters when footsteps crunch behind him.
Clark doesn't turn, he knows that heart beat.
Dick.
“I didn’t realize you’d be here.” Dick says stiffly.
Clark and Bruce hadn’t meant to hurt Dick in their fall out. But Clark couldn’t seem to stop failing the boys he cares for. Because Dick was hurt. He never called Clark anymore. Clark sees how Dick is falling apart, just like Bruce, and just like Bruce Clark doesn’t know how to help.
“I was just reading to Jason. You want to stay and listen?”
Dick looks a little to the left of Clark, as if asking someone for permission. Clark chances a glance, but there is nothing there.
“Yeah, I’d love to listen.”
THEN
Clark age 30
Jason and Dick are acting strange today. When the boys are acting strange it can mean anything from they had switched the salt and sugar bowls in the morning to they had successfully snuck into the pentagon. Dick keeps looking at him with a goofy smile on his face, and Jason keeps kicking Dick in the shin.
Normally, Bruce is the one to snap at Jason not to kick his brother, but Bruce is also off today.
Which leaves Clark to be the bad guy, telling Jason to stop.
Jason rolls his eyes but agrees to not kick Dick anymore. Until Dick stares at him dopeily again and the cycle repeats.
“Have you noticed the boys acting strange?” Clark asks Bruce as they dress in suits.
Honestly, Clark isn’t sure why they are dressing up. Sometimes Bruce forgets to tell Clark about events they have, and sometimes Bruce just likes to see Clark in a suit. Today seems to be the latter.
“I haven’t noticed anything.” Bruce replies, which is a lie. Clark knows it is a lie even without hearing the skip in Bruce’s heart beat. Because Bruce might be oblivious to lots of emotions, but he is highly attuned to the feelings of his boys.
But Clark lets it go. If it is serious, he knows that Bruce would tell him.
Bruce takes him to a fancy restaurant in Gotham. It is in a sky scraper, overlooking the city. From above, Gotham almost looks beautiful.
The restaurant is empty besides them.
Clark’s heart hammers in his ears.
But Bruce simply looks over the menu and asks if Clark is feeling like red or white tonight.
The night is beautiful, they talk and laugh. And when dinner comes, an apple pie that looks completely out of place in this 5 Michelin star restaurant, Bruce slides a velvet box across the table.
Clark blinks at him.
“Well?” Bruce asks, raising a brow.
“Most people actually ask a question with the ring.” Clark counters, but his hands are shaking.
Bruce sighs as if he is being put out, but his nervous smile gives him away.
“Clark Kent,” Bruce starts sending a shiver down Clark’s spine, “I am not good at this whole emotional thing. But you must know that you are one of the most important things in my life. And I want you there every day. With me and my children. I want to be with you.”
It is a bit of an awkward proposal, but Clark smiles brighter than the stars and sun.
“Well put the ring on!”
Bruce slides the most beautiful ring onto Clark’s left hand. Clark doesn’t mention how Bruce’s hands shake as he does it. Bruce doesn’t mention the happy shine of tears in Clark’s eyes.
When they stumble into the manor hours later, punch drunk and happy they find Jason waiting for them.
“You going to join the family right, Pops?” Jason asks.
And Clark has never felt more right. This is his family.
“Yeah Jason. I am.”
THEN
Clark age 31
Jason and Bruce are fighting again. He can hear it when he comes home from work.
“Fuck you!” Jason screams right as Clark steps through the threshold.
“Watch your mouth.” Bruce says calmly. His voice is devoid of any emotion. Clark cringes, know that it will make Jason more upset.
“Or what? You’ll beat the bad words out of me?” Jason asks with a laugh, “Never worked when Willis did it.”
Clark sucks in a breath, horrified at what he just heard. Bruce does as well.
Clark finds them in the living room. Jason is glaring at Bruce, and Bruce is trying his best to appear calm.
“I think you both need to calm down.” Clark says upon seeing them.
Jason has a fire in his eyes. And Bruce? He looks like he has hurricanes in his mind.
“I don’t need to calm down!” Jason screams, “I am fine, and Bruce is being a jackass.”
Bruce is still looking lost, still staring at Jason. Clark knows he is imaging their little boy being beaten. Knows he is picturing Jason calling for help, Jason crying. Clark knows Bruce’s hands are clenched into tight fists and he is, not for the first time, imaging resurrecting Willis Todd just to kill him again.
“Fine, then Bruce can go and be a jackass somewhere else.” Clark offers.
Bruce blinks at Clark, clearly wanting to argue. But Clark tilts his head.
Clark and Bruce read a bunch of parenting books recently. Books about dealing with teenage angst and helping children who had previously suffered from abuse. Bruce had taken careful notes in the margins, highlighting particular passages and showing them to Clark.
Clark remembers one very clearly, it says do not engage with the child if you are not emotionally in a good spot. And Bruce isn’t.
Bruce seems to read Clark’s thoughts and finally nods, slinking out of the room.
Jason throws himself on one of the couches with an angry huff.
Clark finds a chair a bit away. He doesn’t say anything, just sits in Jason’s presence.
After about 15 minutes Jason finally huffs, “He is being unreasonable. He wants me to leave the house.”
Clark is very sure that is not what Bruce was saying. But he turns to face Jason anyway.
“Oh?”
“Yeah, he wants me to join some afterschool clubs and to start going out with people. He doesn’t want me here anymore.”
Clark wishes he could laugh. This entire conversation is about trying to get Jason hobbies? But he schools his expression to an open face of concern.
“Maybe he wants you to have more friends. Friends you could also invite here.” Clark offers, trying to keep his tone neutral.
“I don’t need new friends. I’ve got my family. I have Alfred, Dick and you. I don’t want to give you up.”
Clark’s heart still hammers when Jason calls him a part of the family.
“You don’t have to give anyone up in order to have friends.” Clark says, “Bruce just wants you to have everything.”
And it is true. If Bruce could give Jason or Dick the stars in the sky he would.
Jason shifts, uneasily.
“Then why does he have to say it like he wants me gone?”
Clark laughs, “Have you met Bruce? He says everything bluntly and hopes that you understand what you mean.”
Jason laughs too. He moves himself so he is sitting next to Clark. His head leans against Clark’s shoulder. Clark savors it, because Jason is fifteen, and will soon be too old and too cool to lean on Clark like this.
“Why d’ya got to go for six months? Bruce and I are gonna kill each while you and Dick are gone.” Jason bemoans.
“Cause the Teen Titans need a chaperone, and I’ve gotta watch out for Dick. I know you and Bruce will be perfectly fine without me.”
THEN
Clark age 33
Superman stands between Batman and the Joker.
He listens as the damned clown laughs and laughs. It makes Superman want to scream.
Batman is snarling at him, his hands balled into fists.
“Move Superman.” Batman growls.
Joker laughs louder.
“No.” Superman says firmly.
Batman is snarling, “He deserves to die. He killed Robin. Or did you forget?”
Bruce is saying it to hurt him, Clark knows that. It doesn’t stop it from hitting its mark.
How dare Bruce say that to him. How dare Bruce act like Jason’s death didn’t completely ruin him too. While Clark wasn’t officially Jason’s dad, he still lost a son when Joker murdered the boy.
But Jason’s memory didn’t deserve to be tarnished by death. Robin was magic and to murder, even to murder this monster, would destroy that magic. And Jason deserves so much more then that.
Bruce does as well.
“We are not judge jury and executioner.” Superman says, crossing his arms over his chest. He doesn’t get mad at Batman. He doesn’t scream at the joker. He doesn’t fall to his knees and try to tear at the aching hole in his chest.
Batman lunges forward, trying to get past Superman.
Superman doesn’t let him.
“He wouldn’t want this.” Superman whispers, Batman hears him.
“It doesn’t matter what he wants.” Batman argues, “He’s dead.”
The joker is laughing louder.
“Don’t destroy his memory. Please Batman. Don’t kill for him. Robin doesn’t deserve that.”
Batman straightens, his spine going ramrod straight. Finally, he nods and turns away, leaving Superman with the man that killed his son.
The joker laughs louder.
Clark isn’t a saint, so he punches the man in the face. The Joker looks better with blood pouring from his nose.