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Alone and bored on a thirtieth-century night
Will I see you on The Price Is Right?
Will I cry? Will I smile?
As you run down the aisle?
--"It's All Been Done", Barenaked Ladies
“You two oughtn’t have gone and spoiled your plans on my account,” Kaylee said. It was hard not to sulk; she’d had big plans for her and Simon tonight, and he’d gone and messed them all up again by opening his big mouth.
“You’re more important than seeing a client, mei-mei,” Inara replied, running the brush through Kaylee’s hair. She closed her eyes, enjoying the moment.
“And my husband was right there alongside the good doctor, digging that hole,” Zoe said dryly.
Kaylee sighed. “Why does he always have to go and be such an oaf?” she asked. “Can’t he see I’m practically throwing myself at him?”
“Ours is not to reason why,” Zoe quoted. “Ours is but to do and die.’
Inara snorted softly. “I don’t think that’s entirely appropriate.”
“You have met the men on this ship, haven’t you?” Zoe shot back.
“You may have a point,” Inara said. “Though not all of us are bound to follow the captain’s orders, especially when he’s intent on leading us on a death charge.”
“The cap’n isn’t that bad,” Kaylee protested. “Least, not always,” she amended. “He didn’t even have nothin’ to do with what Simon an’ Wash were up to today.”
“Much to everyone’s surprise,” Inara said. Kaylee couldn’t see the Companion’s expression, but she could imagine it perfectly--gracefully arched eyebrows and upturned, painted lips. “Though the only thing surprising about this whole thing is that Jayne bothered to invite Simon along to this boys’-only drunkfest.”
“If I’m not mistaken, tonight was supposed to be about forgetting the idiot menfolk we live with,” Zoe said, pouring out three measures of the latest batch of Kaylee’s home brew. “If they want to get drunk with each other, it shouldn’t stop us from enjoying ourselves.”
“You’re right,” Kaylee said, taking the tin cup.
“Why don’t you find something for us to watch on the Cortex, mei-mei?” Inara said, handing Kaylee the control for the viewing screen.
Kaylee took it, turning the screen on. Once the Cortex logo faded, she started thumbing through the list of shows. “Five thousand channels and--hello.” She stopped abruptly. There was a handsome, dark-haired man standing with his hands on his hips. The information across the bottom of the screen declared the title of the show to be What Not to Wear, which meant Kaylee knew what was about to come next.
The man didn’t seem to know; his expression was one of surprise as he looked down at himself. “Okay, defabricator, does exactly what it says on the tin,” he said. A grin spread across his features as he looked up, directly into the camera. “Am I naked in front of millions of viewers?” he asked.
“Absolutely!” the two robotic hostesses chorused.
“Ladies, your viewing figures just went up,” the man said.
“Oh, mama, that’s not the only thing that’s up,” Kaylee commented, leaning forward.
Zoe started laughing. “Lao pung yo, nee can chi lai hun yo jing shen.”
“Wait, you know him?” Kaylee demanded.
“Served with him,” Zoe replied. The fond tone of her voice drew Kaylee’s attention away from Mr. Hot-and-Naked. “Captain Jack Harkness. I haven’t seen that much of him in years,” she added.
Kaylee opened her mouth to respond, but there was a knock at the hatch to Inara’s ship and Wash’s voice came through the metal tentatively. “Lambie-toes? Can we talk?”
“Not now, sugarlips,” Zoe called back, taking another sip of her home brew.
“We’re back from the party. You were right about it and I’m really sorry,” Wash tried again. “I thought maybe you could come back to our bunk?”
“You ain’t getting off that easy,” Zoe replied.
“But you were right!” Wash protested. “A party involving alcohol and only one gender isn’t any fun at all.”
Inara raised an eyebrow as Zoe smirked. “Your party didn’t involve Kaylee’s home brew, a registered Companion, and naked men on the Cortex,” Zoe said.
There was a choking noise from the walkway outside the ship, and Kaylee didn’t fail to hear Jayne’s muttered “I’ll be in my bunk” before Wash made a high pitched squeaking noise.
“My sister isn’t in there, is she?” Simon asked; his words were slightly slurred, but with his typical indignation whenever he had even a misperception of wrongdoing against his sister.
“Your sister’s virtue is safe from my wicked, temptuous ways,” Inara replied. And then she turned up the volume on the viewing screen. “And this, mei-mei,” she said, gesturing around her small shuttle, “is why I enjoy female clients from time to time.”
Kaylee settled down further into the pillow nest they had formed on Inara’s bed, ignoring the sound of Wash and Simon still knocking on the door. The alcohol was making her warm, the taste of ice cream Inara had weaseled out of a client on their last trip to Persephone was sweet on her lips, and Zoe’s old army buddy was still naked on the screen. “I think we should have Girls’ Night more often.”
