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“Are you,” Declan said, “using your phone?”
Ronan gave him a particularly nasty look before pocketing it away. Matthew laughed.
Ronan was in D.C. for the day, after Matthew had pestered him to visit during the weekend. He’d been increasingly unwilling to leave the Barns - even Matthew’s most wheedling voice had gotten an afternoon, max. He intended to drive back for the evening. Declan knew how tiring a day’s drive back was, so it had to be something important.
“I’m sure your dream animals will survive the day,” he said. He’s not going to pretend he gave a shit about the things his father dreamt. Truth be told, he’d always breathed better away from the Barns. The good memories were there, but the bad still clawed up and lodged in his throat. The only good things were already right here with him, so what else did he need?
Ronan, obviously, felt differently. He bared his teeth, furious all of the sudden, and Declan felt tired. He wasn’t interested in navigating a minefield with his brother. Again. “You know we hardly have time together. But if it’s that important, then go.”
“Adam said he’ll pass by and feed Opal,” Matthew added, referring to Ronan’s latest dream creature. Declan hadn’t met her yet; he’d seen a wispy blonde girl hanging around Ronan’s raven last time he was at the Barns, but he’d been more worried about planning their escape to D.C. to really notice. Matthew had loved her, but Matthew loved everything Ronan did unequivocally. “So maybe you can stick around a bit!”
“It’s not just Opal,” Ronan said, half-distracted. “Gansey’s up to something new.”
Declan snorted. He was not the biggest fan of Richard Campbell Gansey the Third. He liked him well enough as a mediator between him and Ronan, but there was a startlingly selfish quality about him. He hoarded Ronan, and Ronan was always willing to give. Declan had thought it was easier then, just to let Ronan run rampant. But after nearly losing Matthew and the fiasco with the Gray Man and Greenmantle, he didn’t think Gansey was the best for the job of reigning his brother in. “So what? He’s not your boyfriend.”
“No,” Matthew agreed. “Adam is.”
There was a pause as both Lynch brothers turned to stare at the youngest Lynch brother.
Declan said, “What,” at the same time Ronan said, “Fuck.”
“Adam? Who’s Adam?” Declan said, his mind running through options. Did he know any Adams involved in the business? His chest felt tight, paranoia cursing through his veins. When did Ronan have time to meet anyone?
“Why do you say that?” Ronan said to Matthew, ignoring him.
“Oh, don’t lie to me!” Matthew said, rolling his eyes.
“I’m not lying!” Ronan said immediately.
Declan was still reeling from his internal name directory until it clicked. “Wait - Adam...Parrish? You’re dating Adam Parrish?” Declan said. A quick glance to their youngest brother confirmed his suspicions. He suddenly felt incredibly stupid for not figuring it out faster.
Ronan didn’t even react. He just said, “Matthew,” in the most pleading tone.
Matthew gave him this look. “You’ve been texting him the whole day.”
“What,” Declan repeated, throwing the phone-shaped pocket in Ronan’s pants a wounded gaze.
“That’s not - ” Ronan was genuinely speechless. On another day, Declan would be proud.
“Also, you kept holding his hand two weeks ago, when I was at the Barns,” Matthew said. “You guys aren’t exactly discreet.”
Jesus fuck. Declan was pretty sure he was wearing the same expression as Ronan right now. It was like his world had tilted. His brother was dating someone. And not just any someone, but Adam fucking Parrish, straight A scholarship student of Aglionby. It would have been funny if it were a story. Or a dream. “Did you bully him into it?” he said, finally.
Ronan looked like he wanted to punch Declan on the face. “Fuck you.”
“No seriously!” Declan could not quite wrap his mind around it. What in the world could Adam Parrish see in his little brother? Ronan was a grade A asshole. Parrish was clever - Declan always thought so. He’d never put up with Ronan’s bullshit. It was why they never got along when Gansey had brought them together for the first time. Declan had liked him best out of spite among their little friend group. At least he never tried to get involved when he and Ronan were dealing it out.
He could see it, though, why Ronan would like Parrish.
He’d come to be familiar with Parrish’s voice - lilting and careful, like he was constantly negotiating with a kidnapper. The first time he’d answered the phone for Ronan, Declan had felt his stomach drop - only Gansey ever answered Ronan’s phone. “Who is this?” he’d demanded, the panic kicking in before the paranoia.
“Ronan doesn’t want to answer his phone,” whoever it had been had replied. “Can I take a message?” He’d given his name, eventually, annoyed at Declan’s persistence. He’d only answered after the tenth ring too - probably irritated by the constant ringtone before finally answering it for the owner. Gansey hadn’t been there at that time, apparently. Declan hadn’t given a fuck - he was just glad someone had picked up his call.
Soon Parrish seemed to be the standard phone secretary, to the point that the one time that Gansey’s voice came through Ronan’s phone Declan momentarily felt disassociated. Gansey was a separate entity with his own caller ID, a person who answered his calls. But Parrish was entirely Ronan’s.
So in retrospect, it shouldn’t have been that of a surprise.
He drove down for Sunday mass the following week. Matthew wanted them to all eat together in the Barns after, excited for Declan to meet Opal, but Declan made some vague excuse about having some important errands to run. Matthew looked disappointed, and Ronan made some offhand comment about hardly having any time together. He was always so good at throwing back the same punches. Declan promised to pass by once he was done, and watched his two brothers walk towards the BMW. He waited until they’d driven away before walking back into the church and heading up to the apartments.
Adam answered the door after his steady knock. He looked surprised. “Declan,” he said, hovering at the doorway. “What brings you here?”
Declan did not know which particular face muscles he wanted to pull. He could frown, or shrug, or smirk. It wasn’t as if his brother could do better than Adam Parrish. It was a miracle, all things considered. He’d been too busy worrying about Ronan making it to the next day to worry about Ronan’s love life - well, he’d lit up a candle before, praying not Kavinsky, anyone but Kavinsky - so it had never been his main concern. But he’d had breathing space now. And Ronan was a monumental fuck up but he was still Declan’s little brother.
“Parrish,” he said. “You got time?”
Adam glanced at his worn-out watch. His face was carefully blank. “I have an hour before my shift,” he said. “You-?”
“Come with me,” he said, and he walked on without looking back. Adam’s footsteps followed him down the stairs. They got in the Volvo and Declan drove.
“Huh,” Adam said once they stopped in front of a burger joint.
Declan turned to look at him. “Not a fan of burgers?”
“They’re ok,” Adam said. “Just didn’t think this is where we’d be going.”
“Where would we be going?” Declan said.
Adam shrugged. “The Barns? Someplace outskirts of Henrietta? An unused parking lot?”
“I’m not my brother,” Declan said, stung.
Adam, for the first time, laughed. “That you aren’t.” There was a slight twang, the accent slipping out.
They slid into a booth. Declan gestured for Adam to choose whatever, and Adam settled for the cheapest thing on the menu. Whatever. He called the waitress and let her jot down their orders. She took the menus with her, leaving them with only the ketchup and mayonnaise bottles between them.
“So,” Adam said, after a minute of silence. “What’s wrong?”
Declan gave pause. He didn’t quite know how to broach the topic. “You’re dating my brother,” he said, finally.
Adam looked up at him. “What?” he said.
“Jesus, Parrish. It’s not a question,” Declan snapped, annoyed at his incredulous tone.
“Wha - no, I,” Adam’s eyes were still wide. And then, he closed his mouth. “I am,” he said, firmly. Then, in a different tone, “That’s what this is about?”
Declan frowned. “What do you mean?”
“Fuck, Declan, I thought there was an emergency. Like, some other rando was after Ronan or something.”
Declan sucked in his breath. It was strange to realize there was someone else in this world who could spend their nights imagining worst-case scenarios involving Ronan Lynch. “There are probably always randos after Ronan,” he said. “Especially given my father’s spectacular life choices. But that’s not your concern. I’ll deal with it.”
Adam gave him a look. He clearly felt it did not need to be compounded with any further statements. Declan found himself impressed. At least Ronan didn’t find himself some dream creature.
(He didn’t want to be bitter. He loved his family, but sometimes it wasn’t as if they loved him back.)
“I’m here,” he continued, “Because of you.”
Adam blinked. “Because I’m dating Ronan?” he said warily. He looked around furtively. “Seriously, if you wanted to beat me up we really could have gone elsewhere.”
“I’m not going to punch you unless you give me a reason to,” Declan said. “I prefer diplomacy over violence any day.”
“Funny, that never seemed to be your answer when dealing with your brother,” Adam said wryly.
Declan snorted. If Ronan listened to him years back he could have saved them both a good number of broken ribs and bruises. “Words don’t work on that little shit. You, however. You’re more likely to listen to reason.”
“And what reasoning is this?” Adam folded his arms, tense.
“Relax,” Declan said. “I’m not here to break you up.”
Adam rolled his eyes. “As if you could actually do anything. You do know Ronan does whatever he wants, right?”
Declan grimaced. “I’m all too aware.”
“So, what? This is just you disapproving?”
“You haven’t let me get a word out of my mouth, Parrish,” Declan said. He was a little hurt that Adam had such a low opinion of him. Of course, he and Adam barely knew each other; their interactions limited to phone calls in behalf of Ronan and occasional head nods. “I already told you why I’m here. I’m sure you’re aware that Ronan has never dated anyone before.”
Adam uncrossed his arms. And then, slowly, he began to smile. “You know, Gansey already gave me the ‘if you break his heart I’ll break your face’ speech,” he said, almost patronizingly.
“Yeah well, unlikely Gansey, I’ll be keeping my word,” Declan said. He did not smile back.
Adam shook his head. “What do you want me to say?” He said. “I’m not planning to hurt him. I’m -”
“You’re leaving,” Declan pointed out. “Once you graduate.”
He lost the smile. “I am.”
“So?”
“So nothing,” Adam said.
Their waitress arrived and placed their burgers in front of them. Declan’s had fries. He always ordered them for whoever was with him - sometimes Ashley, mostly Matthew, and the occasional classmate.
He had a feeling Adam wouldn’t want his fries, but he pushed them towards Adam’s general direction anyway.
“I’m not going to offer you a briefcase of money and demand you stay away from him,” Declan said. “This isn’t a fucking telenovela.”
“I can’t believe,” Adam said, “you just said the word telenovela out loud.”
Declan grimaced. “Ashley has her interests beyond Welsh history. Speaking of which-?”
Adam shook his head. “That’s done. Mostly.” He took a bite from his burger gingerly. He was so careful, in all things. His Aglionby uniform, his schoolwork, his jobs, his food. Was it too much to hope he’d be careful with Ronan too?
“He’s not,” Declan started, and then stopped. Because there were many things Ronan was not, and he did not know how to start. His brother was his secret that he never had to explain. Gansey had met Ronan before everything had gone to hell. Adam hadn’t. There was always a Before and After, and Declan did not know how to bridge that gap.
Adam sighed, putting down his burger. “If you’re going to warn me off your brother,” he said. “I think it’s a little too late.”
Declan scoffed. “You’re not engaged or pregnant, for the love of everything holy.” Adam’s face had gone a tinge pink, though, and Declan raised his eyebrow.
“I don’t care that you’re dating,” he said.
Adam snorted. “Then why are we here talking?”
Declan opened his mouth, but Adam shook his head. “No, I understand. You don’t give a shit that it’s me, specifically, dating Ronan. Me, trailer trash, non-Catholic, male. I got that part loud and clear.”
“Ashley isn’t Catholic,” Declan said, hurt.
“You’ve dated thirty different girls in a year,” Adam said wryly.
Yes, but that was two years ago. Declan’s been dating Ashley for nearly a year, and while he still slept with other people, she hadn’t minded. It was like being in an exclusive open relationship, and Declan had felt nothing but relief at finding someone who didn’t care about the details. She’d barely even blinked when Declan moved Matthew with him to D.C. He was this close to telling her about the family business. She was - something. He didn’t know if Ronan felt that same something about Adam. Lynches didn’t talk - at least not anymore.
“I have nothing against you,” he said instead. “Personally. And if someone were to ask me, to choose someone, right now in my brother’s life, of who I’d want him to date, at gunpoint, I’d probably choose you.”
Adam quirked his mouth. It was a very Ronan expression. “Not Gansey?”
“Gansey,” Declan said, “nearly got my brother expelled. So, no, not Gansey.”
“That was Ronan’s fault,” Adam said mildly. “Not Gansey’s. And he got Ronan to stick around for another year.”
“Whatever,” Declan said. Ronan had given up anyway. Not that Declan minded, as it was no longer an issue with the will and the Barns. At least Ronan had somewhere to go, even if he insisted on being a farmer. Sometimes Declan had no idea what was going through his brother’s head. “I’m just saying, Parrish, my brother is a headfuck who doesn’t listen.”
“I know,” Adam said, softly.
“He thinks he’s got it all figured out but he doesn’t, and one of these days it’s going to come and bite him back in the ass.”
“I know,” Adam said, even more softly.
“And,” Declan said, taking in Adam, his faded shirt, his dirty nails, his dark circles under his eyes, “He’s not very good, at dealing with shit. When everything goes to hell, he’ll crack and explode.”
Adam shook his head ruefully. "Are you going to tell me something I don't know, Declan, or are we going to be here all day?" He glanced at his watch then, and Declan felt a stab of guilt for keeping him busy.
"How long have we got?"
"You got fifteen more minutes," Adam informed him, and he took another bite of his burger.
"You can get fries," Declan said. "I never really finish them."
Adam stared the thinly cut fried potatoes as if they were poison. He chose to take a sip from his drink instead.
"I just," Declan said, staring at his own burger as if it had the answers to all his questions, "He's a fucking asshole but he's my brother. I can't have anyone hurt him, Adam." He didn't say that Ronan had been hurt enough, that after another disaster there may not be enough to put him back together. Ronan was not made to withstand heartbreak.
Adam softened. "For what's it worth I don't think I can handle anyone hurting him either. Even if it were me." He finally reached out and snagged a single fry.
"I can't promise anything," he continued, and there was a flush of red on the tips of his ears, "But I wouldn't - Ronan doesn't do anything halfway. Neither do I. We didn't - talk or anything, but he knows it, and I do too. This isn't a game," he said, out loud, almost more to himself than Declan. "I'm not playing around."
Declan released a breath he hadn't realized he was holding. "That's good," he managed, the sound mangled in his throat. "I'm glad." He'd been there before. He'd liked the game; liked the lack of consequences. But Ronan was too earnest. Declan had always worried someone would go up to him and snare him, and he'd be none the wiser because he hadn't gone around, getting to know the depths of how awful people could be.
Declan had seen. He'd liked some, and hated most. A lot were in it for his money, his car, his looks. Ronan scared off a lot, but some people liked the challenge.
He was just glad it was someone like Adam.
He gathered himself. "So where are you planning to go after Aglionby?"
Adam shrugged. "Acceptance letters haven't come in yet. I'll compare after that."
Declan paused. The problem of tuition fees hung in the air. "If you ever need anything-" he began, but Adam's eyes narrowed.
"I don't take charity," he said.
"I know you don't," Declan said, wryly. "Just know that my door’s right open, if something goes down. Consider it as thanks for putting up with my little shit of a brother." He hesitated. "I'll call you if something's up," he added, though he hoped that a time like that wouldn’t come. "I mean, it's not like Ronan picks up anyway."
Adam laughed. "He's getting better at it." There was a tiny smile on his face, and Declan supposed it was a close enough assurance of Adam's feelings for Ronan.
"I can drop you off at your work," he said, after they both finished their burgers. The fries were left half-finished.
Adam nodded. "Thanks."
The ride back was mostly silent. They were already rounding the corner to the factory when Adam spoke up.
“You should talk to Ronan,” he said. “He’s not as stubborn as he is, lately.”
Declan laughed sharply. “He didn’t even tell me he has a boyfriend,” he said.
Adam laughed. “It’s not like you ever expected him to start spilling his guts to you.”
“No,” Declan agreed. That was a bridge he hadn’t crossed since they were ten. It hurt him, sometimes, to be marooned so far from his brother. But maybe in time.
He let Adam out and then drove back to the Barns. Ronan and Matthew were nowhere to be found inside, so he climbed up the rooftop and found his brothers there.
“Declan!” Matthew cried, pleased, and scooted over to make room. Ronan grudgingly did the same, and Declan squeezed in between them. “You done with everything?”
“Yup,” he said, ruffling his baby brother’s hair. Once, he would have done the same with Ronan. Not that he had hair left for Declan to try it now.
“What were you up to, anyway?” Ronan said, his voice low. He clearly didn’t want to upset Matthew in case it was a Greywaren-related thing.
Declan grinned, huge and wide. “I was just talking to your boyfriend.”
It was almost worth it for the expression on Ronan’s face. “You -!” and then his expression darkened. Declan wished for a simpler time, when Ronan didn’t assume the worst of him.
“It’s not what you think,” he said. “Honestly, when is it ever what you think?”
Ronan scowled and folded his arms.
“I gave him my blessing,” Declan said. “Promised to be the godfather for your firstborn and everything. Speaking of which, where’s Opal?”
Matthew perked up. “She’s hanging out with the cows,” he said. “Let’s go meet her, Declan!”
They scrambled down the rooftop, Matthew leading the way. Declan was already starting to pick up the pace when Ronan made a soft clicking sound with his tongue. Declan glanced back, eyebrow raised. His brother was standing there, fidgeting by the tree.
“Are you,” Ronan said slowly, “you’re not mad?”
Declan shrugged. “Other than you not telling me you were seeing someone, why the fuck would I be mad? All things considered, Parrish is a catch. Still don’t know what he sees in you.”
Ronan scoffed, but there was something in his eyes that said he felt the same way. “Figured you wouldn’t like it,” he mumbled.
“Ronan,” Declan said. “Did you really think I’d give a fuck that you liked boys?”
His brother stiffened. “Well you seem to give a fuck about everything else I do,” he snarled.
“I,” Declan said, the anger wound in him too tightly, “wanted you to finish high school and graduate so you can go to college and have options in the future. I, didn’t want us going back to the Barns because I knew it wasn’t safe, even if this is our childhood home. And I, wanted you to stop doing stupid shit like running around with Kavinsky because it was going to get you killed. Lastly I, wanted you keep your head down because there are a shit ton of people who’d gladly cut it off if they could.” He was breathing hard now. If this had been half a year ago, he’d have thrown his fist by now. “That’s what I give a fuck about.”
Ronan stared.
Declan heaved a sigh. “And I also want you to be happy, you little punk. Does it matter if you’d rather sleep with boys than girls, if that’s what floats your boat? Obviously not.” He reached out to punch Ronan lightly on the chest. “Look, Ronan - you can literally take things out of your dreams. That’s definitely more fucked up than being gay any other day. And Parrish already knows your biggest secret. There’s absolutely no reason to be against it. In fact, I better be the one walking you down the aisle to become Ronan Lynch-Parrish.”
“Bastard,” Ronan said, though there was a hint of a grin building up on his face. “You’re not even going to be invited.”
Declan scoffed. “Bullshit. You think I’d let Gansey have the honor to give you away? I got punched in the face for you. I demand this right. Or at least as best man.”
“Matthew’s already my best man,” Ronan countered.
“Well looks like you have the whole affair planned out, huh?” Declan smirked. “Let me know the date so I can block it off my calendar.”
“Guys!” Matthew’s shout could be heard half a mile away. “Opal’s here!”
Declan cocked his head. There was a time when they would have punched this out, and he’s glad that’s gone. He has a meeting on Monday, after all; can’t exactly show up with a black eye on a black tie event. “We’re good?”
“Yeah,” Ronan muttered, nodding. “Ok.” He punched his brother back on the shoulder, probably harder than he should have, and took off running.
Declan watched him go. He smiled and shook his head. Maybe the bad blood between him and Ronan wasn’t entirely unsalvageable, after all.