Chapter Text
Ayanami'll never accept another assistant, not permanently. When Ayanami says 'my Begleiter', in his very soul he means Yukikaze. Yukikaze knows that, knows that well, and that's why... no matter the pull of the Chief of Heavens, Yukikaze, ever since his death... hasn't ascended to Heavens yet.
No, not yet. Not when Ayanami-sama has no permanent Begleiter. No, he won't leave him like that. Perhaps Ayanami-sama is safe with Hyuuga, but... Hyuuga is Hyuuga, he can be reckless, and besides, Hyuuga is not a fresh start, and Hyuuga knows Yukikaze, which means that Ayanami-sama might, perhaps, also see Yukikaze in Hyuuga, and that's - that's not what a fresh start is. That's not what forgetting is - and Yukikaze wants to be forgotten, because otherwise, Ayanami-sama remembers him and is upset.
That's what Yukikaze thinks, for a long time.
Hanging around, being like a ghost, refusing the pull to heavens until he can see Ayanami-sama, his Ayanami-sama, with a new Begleiter. One that'd not, at all, make Ayanami-sama think of Kaze, would not upset him with any comparisons or reminders.
That's what he thinks...
And yet, he turns out to have been in the wrong.
The new candidate - the ghost of Yukikaze groans when he hears that his name is Yukinami. Wonderful, he thinks, sarcastically, just wonderful. A Yuki. That's sure to upset Ayanami-sama, even though entirely unrelated and coincidental.
Still, there's hope yet. Yuki - and Kaze follows him a bit, one of many advantages of being a hanging around Soul is the fact that Yuki has no idea that Kaze's following him - does not look or seem any bit similar to Kaze.
He's easily confused. He seems to be a good person. He's a clutz. In short, there's yet hope.
However, naturally, it seems, that that boy, Yuki, will also be dismissed by Ayanami-sama. But of course...
(Am I... glad? That's wrong. That's - selfish! - but...)
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And then, there comes a day when Yuki does act like a Begleiter - like Kaze would - and the sight of that makes Kaze distressed. Surely, now, Ayanami-sama will chase that Yukinami away. He saw how he looked at the boy. That he seemed to see Yukikaze in his action. (And, no, for the record, Kaze didn't influence it at all, he wasn't that kind of the ghost, thank you very much.)
But - why was it.. - seeming to see Kaze in that new boy Yuki seemed to both distress Ayanami-sama and--- something else. A new emotion that Kaze never saw on that beloved face before. On Ayanami-sama's face. As if something could finally begin to end.
Perhaps - perhaps Kaze was mistaken. Perhaps what Ayanami-sama needed was neither reminder like Hyuuga was, nor escape from memories as Kaze would think, but.. something... relief? Ending?
Unbeknowest to both, Kaze kissed Ayanami-sama, as passionately as a ghost can - and believe him, he can; then hugged Nami (he wasn't going to call the boy Yuki, thanks, Kaze never liked the name Yuki anyway), and finally, finally, with almost relief, let himself get pulled to Heaven for five minutes before reincarnating back in this world to find Ayanami-sama again.
(What? Anything can happen in five minutes. Of course he waited until Ayanami-sama had another Begleiter, anything else would be completely irresponsible of him. Not wanting to stop looking at Ayanami-sama's face even for a second had nothing to do with that, surely.
He thought Hyuuga might've seen it - sometimes, tired people could, though they thought they imagined it - so he waved to him and said, "Protect the new boy while he's protecting what's ours, he's alright".
And that was it.