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It was the first time that Rey wasn’t alone when she saw a meteor. Rey had seen many shooting through the sky as she walked alone across the deserts of Jakku, but this time she was in the middle of training with Luke.

The meteor landed in the water, far enough out that it took a long time for the resulting wave to crash its way to shore. Luke had paused her training while they watched, and then they had to sprint desperately away from the massive crest of water.

Luke had her clean up their training space after that, clearing the stick and debris that the wave had washed in. She didn’t know if he wanted her to be fast or careful so she tried to be both, but when she finished, he’d said, “That wasn’t good enough,” which was the same thing he always said. Chewbacca whined sympathetically from where he leaning against one of the trees that bordered their training space.

Then Luke said that they were going to return to the resistance base on D'Qar. They could probably have fought off a plane full of invaders, depending on how large the plane was, but there was nothing they would have been able to do if Kylo Ren turned the full weight of his forces against them. This time it was just a meteor, but it was a reminder that they hadn’t actually disappeared off the face of the galaxy, even though it felt that way sometimes. Just hoping they wouldn’t be found was not the same as having actual monitoring systems in place.

Luke said the Force was their monitoring system now, and Rey believed him just as she believed everything he said, but sometimes she felt like she trusted him more than he trusted himself. At least on D’Qar there would be contingencies: the whole Resistance army to back them.

Also that’s where Finn was. Apparently he’d woken up, and Rey very much wanted to see that for herself. The need to see that he was all right was like a shadow following her around. She was so used to being untouched that it had been almost painfully strange when Finn had grabbed her hand. He’d wanted them to move together. A galaxy away, she was meant to be focused on training with Luke, but she kept imagining the way he reached for her. Halfway through one of her morning meditations, she realized the reason why she kept remembering that moment was because it was the first time she’d noticed the countless phantom hands inside of her, buried in some deep down place. There were more hands than could ever be held. All of them started waving wildly when Finn touched her. Lightyears away and she could still feel them reaching.

That was not something she’d told Luke, but still he lectured her often on passion and serenity.

They packed what little they had and prepared for the trip, and then Luke had her carry their cargo to the ship in a great many trips up and down the stairs. She had gotten faster since the first time she climbed them, but it never seemed to feel easier. It was like how she’d gotten used to the idea that she would never return to Jakku, but still in the back of her mind, a little voice kept calling out. She was so far away: what if one day her family came back? What if they came back and she wasn’t there? She had gotten used to it, but it never went away.

--

There were a lot of people waiting for them when their ship landed on D’Qar, but Rey found Finn’s face easily in the crowd. He stood like he had been stabbed fairly recently, but at least he was upright now. His grip, when he hugged her close, was strong.

“You’re a Jedi now,” he exclaimed, in an excited whisper.

“No,” she said quickly. “I’m just --”

“Well, you’re a padawan at least. Poe’s given me some books to read. I know all about what you’ve been up to.”

“Moving rocks around? Do people write books about that?”

“You’d be surprised what people write books about,” Finn said in a tone that suggested how very surprised he had also been. “I’ve had some catching up to do, now that I’m part of the Resistance.”

He said it firmly, like it was something he had been repeating over and over again to try to convince himself that it was true. Which, of course, it was, but Rey had been away for a long time so maybe there was no one around to validate him properly.

“And you’ve been catching up now that you’re a Jedi,” Finn finished, except he sounded like he actually believed this.

Luke wanted Rey to clear all the stuff out of their ship, but Finn said, “Please, sir, can she come with me to the mess hall? It’s just that I’m still having a little trouble walking because of, you know, there was this battle with light sabers--”

“Fine,” Luke said. General Organa was walking down the runway, and Luke got distracted trying to duck away from the impressive force of her gaze.

“You’re really milking that,” Rey said as they walked to the hall, leaving Luke to face his sister alone. Rey had her arm around Finn’s elbow, but it seemed more like he was leaning on her for convenience than because he actually needed the help.

“Yeah,” Finn said. “Like at first I was just waiting to see what would happen if I said no when they asked me to do something, but no one ever seems to be mad around here. It’s really strange.”

“Sure,” Rey said, trailing off. The cafeteria had more food than she had ever seen in her entire life, just tray after tray, bowl upon bowl. It had been cooked, and the aromas were so strong, Rey felt like she could taste them. So much food, and all of it sitting right there where anyone could touch it, not even locked away. She hadn’t noticed being hungry, but seeing all the food before her, she felt ravenous enough to unhinge her jaw and swallow whole everything in sight.

“Are you hurt still?” Rey asked once she was finished eating. Finn hadn’t finished his portion and kept trying to slide it across the table to her.

“I’m okay,” he said, but then he was distracted looking at someone over her shoulder. “Oh, Poe, hi, come eat with us.”

Chewbacca had already told her about Poe. He had spent the flight to Luke telling her all the Resistance gossip, plus any evenings that Luke let her sneak away. She preferred his stories about the base to his ones about Han Solo, but Chewie and Han had been travelling together longer than they were ever with the Resistance, so most of his stories ended back on Han eventually.

She knew who Poe was, even beyond Finn’s obvious enthusiasm, so she only felt a little annoyed to have to share Finn’s attention with someone else. Rey was always interested in talking to pilots.

While Poe ate (and Rey finished the last of Finn’s food), Finn touched: Rey’s foot (an accident the first time, but surely not any of the subsequent times, especially not when he pinned her foot gently between both of his and gave her an excited little shake), Poe’s hand, Poe’s elbow, Poe’s thigh, the middle of Poe’s forehead, Rey’s wrist, Rey’s elbow, and then, somehow, even though the table seemed too big for him to make the reach work, he managed to get his arms around both Rey and Poe’s shoulders at once.

It made her skin tingle. She held very still and watched while Poe leaned in, laughing, to press his face almost into Finn’s armpit. In that moment, she could have catalogued all the places on her body that she had never been touched.

“It’s good to have you back,” Finn said.

“I’m real happy to meet you,” Poe said. “Are you allowed to tell us what you were doing with Skywalker?”

Finn turned his huge eyes to her. “What’s he like?”

“I think he’s very powerful,” Rey said.

“Have you learned how to stop fire from blasters? That seems like a useful one.”

“Haven’t been practicing with blasters,” Rey said.

“Me neither. No one will let me do anything,” Finn said.

“You’re still recovering, buddy,” Poe said. “And, anyway, you’re already a better shot than almost anyone.”

“Still recovering how?” Rey said, her voice coming out harsher than she meant it to.

“Just boring stuff,” Finn said. “I can’t lift my arms above my head yet, and everyone’s acting like that’s a big deal.”

Rey huffed, and Poe shook his head like, I know. Well, she didn’t know Poe well enough to be able to interpret the different ways he shook his head, but she was pretty sure that’s what he meant.

“The General told me which room you’ve been assigned,” Poe said. “Want to go check it out?” He led them, navigating the seemingly identical corridors with ease.

He pinned in the code, and said, “This is just what they always use as the default, you can change it to the one you want,” and then let her inside.

The Resistance had suffered enough losses that there were more than enough rooms to go around, so Rey had it all to herself. There were two beds, both for her. A closet, a chair, a small fresher. It was clean and nice and for a moment Rey felt so blindingly homesick that she thought she was going to throw up all the food she had just eaten. She didn’t, of course, hadn’t thrown up in as long as she could remember, but it took a long time for the nausea to pass. Her wall of tick marks: gone. She’d lost track of the days she had spent with Luke, and she wouldn’t know how many marks to add even if she had the wall back. Her little stove, her twine doll, everything she’d scavenged that was interesting enough to keep but not valuable enough to be sold. She used to have a home full of things that were hers, but now she had nothing.

Rey said, “Oh,” out loud. Her voice was quiet, but she hadn’t meant to make any sound at all.

“We can ask to get you a new one?” Poe said, looking at her anxiously. She tried to push her face into a smile.

“The room’s great,” she said. “Tell the General I said thank you.”

She could tell Poe didn’t believe her, but even though she wanted to seem grateful -- and she was, she truly was grateful -- she couldn’t force any more enthusiasm.

Thankfully, before it got awkward, Finn marched into the room and took a seat on the chair.

“Good support,” Finn said, squirming around. “Cushy.”

She wondered what Finn’s room looked like. He had also come to the base with nothing but the clothes on his back. She felt so stupidly fond of him that in that moment it hurt a little to look at him. Instead, she looked at Poe, who was watching Finn with a smile. Rey recognized that smile. Looking at Poe was like looking in a less guarded mirror.

After Finn and Poe left her, Rey tried to meditate but somehow the walls of her room made it more difficult to concentrate. She tried to imagine that she was back on the island with Luke, just the rocks and, off in the distance, the ocean. She’d thought the ocean was something she had imagined, but it turned out to be exactly like she had seen it in her head.

Coming back to the Resistance base was not like she had imagined. She couldn’t meditate, and, later, when she tried to sleep, she couldn’t do that either.

--

Her training with Luke continued, but it was different now that they were on the base. Luke was crankier, and the General kept just popping by, which made Rey very self-conscious and Luke very quiet. Luke was also quiet when Finn waited for her, even though he always waited patiently in the hallway until Luke dismissed her, but it was a different kind of quiet. A kind of quiet that involved a lot of searching looks, and then, awfully, a stilted talk about not forming any romantic attachments.

Then, even more awfully, the conversation where Luke tried to clarify: no romantic attachments and also no sex.

Rey nodded and nodded and hoped very badly for the conversation to be over. How had Luke know that -- why was that even a topic of discussion? What must he have assumed, or -- worse, known? She’d heard that Jedi could read minds, but when Kylo Ren had tried with her, she’d been aware of it. Luke had never done anything that felt like that. But what if he did know the things that she thought about? The places her mind wandered to when she was supposed to be still and focused.

After Luke let her go for the day, Finn was waiting for her in the hallway. He had Poe with him.

“You are so red,” Finn said as the three of them walked down the hall. “Were you doing sprints again?”

“Yes,” Rey said. “Why do you have so many blasters?”

“They finally gave them to me,” Finn exclaimed. “I’m going to test them out to see how they’re different than the ones the F.O. had. Do you get it?” he asked. “F.O. like the First Order.” He dropped the volume of his voice. “Also like fuck off.”

“I’m sure you’re the first person to think of that.”

“Just for that, I’m not sharing any with you. But I am sharing with Poe,” Finn said. “I’m going to teach him how to shoot.”

“I don’t need to know how to shoot,” Poe said. “I already have so much going for me.”

“Get yourself captured again, see if I care.” Finn looked at Rey. “That’s how I met him, you know. He was such a bad shot they just swooped in and carried him away like a baby.”

Rey raised her eyebrow.

“I mean, um. Differently from when they carried you away. Although. Not really. You both are terrible shots.You’re coming with me.”

Which is how they ended up in the practice range getting yelled at by Finn, whose ideas for training make Luke’s increasingly impossible exercises look like a downhill ride on a speeder bike.

“I’m scared,” Rey whispered to Poe after Finn started shouting that she must want to die if she was going to keep lifting her elbow. Did she want to die? Was that why she wouldn’t keep her elbow tucked?

“I’m the best pilot in the galaxy,” Poe whispered back.

“I’m like probably pretty much a Jedi. Eventually. Like.”

“He can’t talk to us like this.”

“Right! You tell him that.”

“I’m not telling him anything, you tell him.”

“You’re the hotshot pilot.”

“You’re the skrogging Jedi.”

“Backtalk?” yelled Finn, suddenly standing very close in front of their faces. “Bang! Bang! They’re coming down the hall. What, are you going to whisper your way out?”

“Maybe?” Rey ventured.

“Jedi mind tricks don’t work in a blast out!” Finn raged. Then he paused. “Do they?”

He and Poe looked at Rey.

“I’m not...sure,” she said.

“Bang!” Finn shouted. “Bang, bang! They’re coming! Keep your shoulders down. Aim. Poe, aim before you start shooting. Rey! What did I say about your elbow?”

--

“That was great, you guys,” Finn said sweetly after he had made them deassemble and then reassemble blasters for fifty-three straight minutes. “We’ll do some more work tomorrow.”

“I don’t know you anymore,” Rey said.

That night she dreamed that Finn was teaching them how to swim. She and Poe were naked in the water. Somehow Finn’s body had morphed to look like a Chagrian, but she still knew it was him. The world had gone topsy turvy, so swimming felt more like floating in the sky. Finn didn’t yell as he taught her, showing her the movements with gentle touches. Poe wasn’t moving at all, just staring at her. When she touched Finn’s blue skin, it felt like suede.

She woke up slowly, like she had to wade back to her bed from very far away, and it took her a long time to realize that she had rolled over onto one of her pillows and pinned it between her thighs. Her whole body was thrumming. She closed her eyes. It was easy to put herself back in the dream, but this time Finn wasn’t a strange creature, he was himself. All three of them were in the water.

She lay awake for a long time imagining it.

--

Luke gave her rest days on D’Qar, which was new. She had to log hours in the garage, which she had thought was how she was paying for her room but turned out to be work for a stipend. So now she had coin -- not just rations, but actual coin that she didn’t have to trade for anything -- and days when she didn’t have to work at all. In her own private head, she thought this kind of luxury might lead to the Resistance being not quite as strong as they ought to be, but she never said anything. Her body liked being able to sleep in, it turned out. Her body really, really liked it.

Today she would have liked to sleep longer. She untangled herself from her sheets to answer the knock at her door. It was just Finn, so she let him in and walked straight back to bed.

“I’m out of things to read,” Finn complained. “Can’t we do something?”

“Buy a new book.”

Finn tugged gently at the edge of her blankets and waited until she nodded before climbing up beside her.

“Don’t get paid for two more solars.”

“Have you spent all of your stipend already?” Rey asked.

“Might as well,” Finn said. “What if they take it away?”

“They can’t,” Rey said. “That’s the whole point. You can’t get back what you’ve given them, and if anyone tries to take away what is yours, you can fight them.”

She wasn’t going to say that no one could take away what you had earned, because of course they could if they were strong enough. That was the point, though. Stay stronger than anyone who wanted what was yours, and if you couldn’t be stronger, be faster. Or smarter or meaner or angrier. Once she had fought off three Uthuthmas who had tried to steal her rations with only her staff. They should have won, but she hadn’t eaten in two days, and she wouldn’t go a third. It’s difficult to beat someone who was willing to die unless you were as well, and they hadn’t been.

She had thought about it once she was home, about how tired she had been before the fight and how miraculous it was that she’d been able to summon the energy to fight them at all. Her only thought had been that she would die before she gave up her ration, but in the quiet of her barren home, she realized that maybe she had just been ready to die.

She hadn’t felt like that in years. On that night, she had been fourteen and dumb; she wasn’t dumb now. She wasn’t fourteen. She’d thought it would never get easier to take care of herself without her family, but, somehow, it had.

Finn knocked his elbow against hers, and she looked up.

“You okay?”

“Yeah, sorry. I’m still half asleep.”

“You still have pillow prints,” Finn said, and then reached out and traced his fingers across her cheek. The touch of his fingers was so light it almost tickled. Rey twisted her head suddenly and caught his index finger between her teeth.

Finn shrieked, but didn’t try to pull his hand back.

“Grr,” she said.

“It’s that damn Jedi training,” he said once he had stopped laughing. “Those reflexes.”

“That was a certified move,” she said after letting go of his fingers. He flicked at her shoulder and then put his hands in his own lap. “Don’t tell any Siths.”

“Don’t want to lose the upper hand,” Finn agreed. He scooched backward until his head was resting on her pillow.

“Sleepy,” Rey said. “I thought you were bored.”

“Smells like you,” Finn said. He closed his eyes. His eyelashes almost touched the tops of his cheeks.

“Nope,” Rey said. “You woke me up, we’re not sleeping now.” She reached over and snatched the pillow out from under his head, only using the force a little bit which was hardly cheating at all.

Finn laughed and swatted at her. His head was resting on the mattress now. Rey still had her own pillow, so she was looking down at him. Somehow their bodies were closer now, her knee pressed up against his thigh. They were almost the same height, but his body felt solid in a way that hers did not, like he could anchor her down. Only not really, because she could flip him to the ground any time she wanted. He was anchoring in a way that didn’t make sense in her brain, only in her body.

She rolled all the way over on her side and let her leg fall entirely on top of his. Finn turned his head toward her, but otherwise stayed still, just looked at her with his big eyes and full mouth and all the warmth of his body. Rey kept her room cold because she liked being able to sleep under the weight of blankets; it turned out the warmth of another body was even better.

The fabric of Finn’s shirt was thick. She could feel the shape of him, but not much else, so she slid her hand under the hem. She kept her touch light at first, like the way he’d only just skimmed over the curve of her cheek. Skin to skin, Finn felt even warmer, and Rey stroked up and down his side, then over, sliding along the edge of his ribcage. She ran her hand over the flat of his belly. Up again. His ribs were distinct notches. His belly a seemingly endless expanse of soft skin. Not actually endless though, because her fingers bumped up against the waistband of his pants.

Finn sucked in a sharp breath and Rey looked up at his face. She hadn’t realized how intently she had been staring at the movement of her hand under Finn’s shirt, but somehow she had entirely missed the transformation of his face. He was staring at her. She felt like she had been caught doing something, and she tried to pull back, but he caught her, pressing her wrist down against his stomach, his shirt in between their hands.

He pulled, her wrist and then her elbow, until she slid her body over his. Her hand was still under his shirt and she could feel his stomach flex as she settled her weight onto his hips. He tried to sit up. She knew he wanted to kiss her. It was just a kiss, one part of her brain insisted torturously, but.

“I can’t,” she said, pulling her hand away.

“Sorry,” he said, settling back onto the bed.

Rey exhaled slowly. It came out louder than she meant.

“I’m not allowed to, you know--”

“I know,” Finn said. “Sorry, I knew. I’d read.”

Rey nodded. Finn wrapped his arms around her, but it felt more like a hug now. She let herself fall forward. It was like Finn had his own gravity, and her body just wanted to be pulled closer and closer to him.

She pressed her forehead to his ribcage. She could feel his heart beating. Her shirt had ridden up and his fingertips were spread across the bare skin of her lower back. His cock was hard. She could feel the line of it against her hip. He smelled good.

When Finn left, she went back to bed, but there was no way she would be able to fall asleep again. Luke hadn’t said if it was okay to do this on her own. She didn’t want to think about Luke right now. It didn’t matter; she had been getting herself off for years. Even if it wasn’t allowed, it was too late. Sex was the thing she hadn’t done. Sex, like. If she had slid her fingers into Finn’s pants the same way she had put her hand under his shirt. Or if he hadn’t even been wearing pants. And she hadn’t been either. If she had been able to feel his hard cock in between her legs instead of just against her hip. If they were naked, and. If he hadn’t been wearing clothes.

She came so fast it almost didn’t count, did nothing to take the edge off, so she kept going even though her clit was so sensitive it hurt a little. After her third orgasm she realized that desperate wanting feeling wasn’t going to go away, so she made herself stop and went for a shower. She meant to get dressed afterward, but she ended up getting herself off again, her middle finger pressed as deep inside as she could get it. She had to take another shower.

--

“Focus,” Luke said, for the fifth time. “Rey, you have to center yourself. Stop daydreaming.”

--

Poe and the other pilots wanted to go dancing, and they invited her and Finn. When she met Finn and Poe to catch the transport, Poe was wearing a shirt so sheer that Rey could see the dark circles of both of his nipples. Finn was in pants tighter than she’d ever seen him wear before.

“Those Poe’s?” she asked, touching her finger to Finn’s thigh. The material had some kind of silver metal woven through it.

“He has a lot of clothes,” Finn said in a faux whisper.

“Oh, I’m sorry that not growing up in a totalitarian nightmare factory has some advantages,” Poe said.

“Like, a lot of clothes,” said Finn.

“You both look lovely,” Rey said.

“Thank you,” they said almost in unison.

Rey was wearing her normal clothes, but while they were in the transport, Rey took her hair down from the usual plaits she kept it in. There were weird bends in it that Rey tried to comb through with her fingers.

“You look lovely, too,” Poe said, sitting close beside her.

“I can see your belly button,” Rey whispered back. There was a tone to her voice she didn’t recognize. It sounded appraising. Approving.

There was a line up outside of the club, but Poe marched the whole group of them to the front, and the bouncer waved them all through immediately.

The room at first seemed to be pitch black, and Rey had a wave of claustrophobia. Once she’d blinked through it, she realized that even though there were no visible light sources, somehow the blackness of the room didn’t fully impede her vision. She could make out the figures all around her. When she looked down, she could see the outline of her own hands. The darkness was like something in the air that made everything seem both closer and further away. She felt hidden even though surely everyone could see her just as she could see them.

At first they all stuck together for round after round of drinks, but then everyone slowly spread out except for Finn and Poe, who, even in the thick crowds, always managed to be close enough to touch.

When they went to the dance floor, Poe caught Finn’s hands and did some kind of complicated maneuver that sent Finn twirling, laughing. Rey went when he reached for her, letting Poe’s guiding hands spin her around until she fell against Finn’s chest, and then they were dancing, all three of them together. Finn stepped on her toe and Poe stumbled into her back, but that wasn’t enough to distract from how good it felt to be this close to both of them. How easy it was for all three of them to move together.

They switched so Poe was in the middle. He faced Rey, Finn’s arms wrapped around his waist. It was almost more like running through meditation poses than it was like dancing, at least compared to the dancing Rey was used to doing alone in her hut, her body flailing, limbs thrashing around until she was dizzy from how quickly she was throwing herself around. What they were doing now was slower, more deliberately. It was about the way their bodies fit together, hardly about movement at all. Just hips and hands and thighs.

Poe dropped his head and breathed into her neck. His thigh was in between hers. She rolled her hips and felt the way he gasped against her neck. When he pulled back, it was just to let Finn slide between them, his back pressed to Rey’s front. She wrapped her arms around his waist and pressed her forehead to the back of his neck. He was sweating -- a clean, human smell. Like this it was easy to tell how broad his shoulders were in comparison to his waist.

They moved again. Poe was behind her now. The alcohol made everything feel fast and easy. For once, the phantom hands she spent so much time ignoring were soothed. She arched back into the cradle of Poe’s hips. Finn’s hands skimmed down her sides. The bass of the music shook the ground beneath her feet.

This couldn’t possibly be what Luke meant, but in that moment Rey thought she understood what he meant when he said to be one with the Force.

--

There was a couple making out across from them on the transport ride home. The one with pretty blue skin kept stroking the arms of the more pink-skinned one. Finn’s thumb was pressed into the little jutting bone just before the bend of her wrist. His other hand was cupped over Poe’s knee. Rey closed her eyes, but instead of meditating she tried to grab on to every single detail: the way it felt like a shock every time Finn’s thumb brushed over her skin, the pleasant ache in her thighs and lower back. After all the dancing, it was nice to sit, but it was nicer yet to feel like the easy way her body had locked into orbit with Finn and Poe’s had not been lost.

She did a good job memorizing the feeling, because when she was back in her own bed, alone, cool sheets wrapped around her body, she could call the echo of that closeness back easily. She was tired but wired, satisfied but unsettled. Eight months ago, living alone on Jakku, she wouldn’t have been able to imagine that she could feel this connected. She would have never known this was even what she wanted. Close to what she wanted, anyway. Connection was not the same as attachment. She had done nothing a Jedi knight couldn’t do, and that was what mattered. Never mind the quiet, stubborn insistence in the back of her brain that she wasn’t a Jedi, not yet, and there was still so much that she hadn’t done.

The softness of her mattress kindled the throb of her well-used body. In the darkness, it was difficult to distinguish the bodily ache from longing.

--

The feeling when she woke up the next morning was familiar: the sandpaper grate in the back of her throat, the tightness of her skin and ache of her head. Like when she was younger and not as good at finding things that people wanted to buy and once went 30 hours without being able to refill her water bottle.

It triggered a helpless kind of sadness in her, and when Finn and Poe walked into the hall at breakfast time, they looked surprised to see her sitting with her head down on an empty table.

“You already eat?” Finn asked, sliding up on the bench beside her and putting his head down as well. “My head is farkled.”

“Come on, kittens,” Poe said when he came back, a tray with a huge jug of water and three glasses in hand. “You’ll feel better when you rehydrate.” He filled one of the glasses -- all the way up to the brim -- and set it in front of Rey. Her chin dug into the table as she stared at it. There was a bead that had dripped all the way down the side of the glass and landed on the table beneath it.

“Thank you,” Rey said, hoping that no one noticed how shaky her voice was. She drank the water, and when her glass was empty, Poe filled it back up again. When the jug was empty, he went and got a whole new jug.

They spent the morning like that, the three of them quiet in the bustle. Rey usually prefered to be alone when she was tired, but this was better. Finn slipped his hand into hers, played with the rough skin of her knuckles. Poe got them more water.

If Luke walked by, he wouldn’t have had to read her mind to know exactly what she was thinking.

--

Finn wanted to keep giving them lessons with the blasters, and on one hand, Rey did want to learn to fight better, but on the other hand:

“Well, well, well,” Poe said, walking toward her with his hands in the pockets of his jacket. “Is someone hiding?”

“No,” Rey said quickly.

“Same,” Poe said.

“Well, good then. We’re both just. In the hangar bay, doing routine checks, because, you know. Diligence.”

“Diligence,” Poe repeated. “And… dedication.”

“Right,” Rey said. “But do you think he might come looking for us here?”

Which is how they ended up outside, so far away from the rest of the planes that they weren’t in the hangar bay so much as they were hiding around the side of the building.

“He likes you, you know,” Poe said.

“Yeah.” Rey leaned against the wall behind her and tipped her head towards the sky. It was still so novel to point her face towards the sun and feel only a pleasant warmth. She hadn’t realized how constant the oppressive heat of the sun on Jakku was until she was away from it.

“He likes you, too,” she told Poe. Finn liked everyone, she thought but she didn’t say, because it wasn’t exactly what Poe meant. Finn liked everyone, but not like he liked her, and not he liked Poe. She was pretty sure that Poe understood that.

“But you’re going to be a Jedi,” Poe said. His eyes were very kind, but there was something altogether wicked in his smile. In that moment, she was reminded how far away they were from anyone else. There was no chance he was looking at anyone but her.

“We can’t all be the best pilot in the resistance,” Rey said.

She had meant it to be a joke, but Poe’s whole face changed, and suddenly he was looking at her so earnestly that she felt herself flush.

“You could be,” he said. “Finn told me about how you piloted the Falcon on Jakku. And that was a ship you’d never even flown before.”

“I’m sure Finn exaggerated,” Rey said, looking at the ground.

“And I’m sure he didn’t,” Poe said.

“Well,” Rey said. She had been complimented more times in the months since she joined the Resistance than she had in the rest of the months of her life combined. It took some getting used to. “Anyway.”

“Look at that scowl,” Poe said, admiringly. “Are you embarrassed?”

“No,” Rey said immediately.

“Surely you’ve heard what everyone’s been saying about you.”

“No,” Rey said, but this time honestly.

“It’s all good,” Poe said, laughing at the serious expression on her face. He leaned sideways to bump his shoulder against hers, but she’d already planted her feet, so he ricocheted off of her, surprised.

She laughed then, before dropping into a crouch when he hurled himself back in her direction. They scuffled, bumping themselves and each other into the hard wall. They were both too boney for it not to hurt at least a little, but it felt like Poe was pulling back before he hit her too hard, and Rey knew she was doing the same. When she used her hands, Poe put up only a token effort before he let himself get shoved until his back hit the wall.

“Not such a tough guy now,” she said.

Her cheeks were flushed, but mostly from the exertion. A little bit from the way Poe was looking at her. More and more from the way Poe was looking at her, the longer the moment stretched on. Rey’s hands were at his hips. He leaned against the wall with his feet spread, his whole body open. She almost didn’t realize what was happening until after they were already kissing. His lips parted immediately, back arching as he tried to get closer to her. She took a step closer until her belly touched his, her hips, her thighs. She could feel his whole body, his tongue against hers, the wall brushing the backs of her knuckles when she adjusted her grip on his hips.

Poe moved his hands, and she thought for a moment that he might try to spin them around until she was up against the wall, but before she’d decided whether or not she would let that happen, he settled his open palm on her shoulder, ran it down her back. They were even closer now, no space between their bodies. Poe was still pressed against the wall, but there was nothing but open air at her back. Rey moaned without meaning to when Poe sucked on her tongue, his fingers kneading at her back.

She lifted her hands away from his body only long enough to let him slide his own hand between them. She was grabbing him so hard, but when he skimmed his palm over the curve of her breast, he was gentle. Her whole body rocked into the touch. Through the layers of her tunic, he ran the side of his finger across the bump of her nipple, sending a jolt so strong that she could hardly believe this was still her skin. It didn’t feel like this when she touched herself. What would it feel like if he touched her without any clothes between them?

Rey wrenched herself away from him before she could take that line of thought any further. Her hand, when she lifted it to cover her burning lips, was shaking.

“Sorry,” Poe said quickly, taking a step back.

“I’m sorry,” Rey said. Poe’s cheeks were flushed, his hair sticking up at the back where his head had rubbed up against the wall. He looked like -- Rey had to pull her eyes away before she threw herself at him again.

“Rey.”

“I was -- sorry. Me.”

“Are you okay?”

 

“Yes, everything is -- yes. We should just, probably--”

“Go back inside.”

“Yes.” Rey crossed her arms across her chest. Her nipples ached.

“But you’re--”

 

“Yeah. And you?”

“Yeah, I’m --”

“So we’re just going back inside.”

“Yeah,” Poe said. He looked exactly the way she felt: embarrassed, regretful.

--

She didn’t see Finn until after dinner that night. He was holding his body stiffly, and for a moment she felt a cold wash of certainty that he had seen them, but when she asked if he was okay, he nodded and said, “Just sore.”

“Stop walking around then,” she said, and led him back to his room.

Once the door was closed, she asked, “Can I see?” and Finn stripped off his shirt just like that. The scars twisting along his spine were thick and red. She skimmed along the healing skin with her finger.

“Where does it hurt?” she asked.

He threw himself face first onto the bed. “Everywhere.”

Rey sat beside him and pressed a comforting hand between his shoulder blades.

Finn sighed.

“Sorry, does that hurt?”

“It’s nice,” he said, so she worked her hands over his back, not quite rubbing, more gentle than that: stroking. She imagined that she could heal him. If she said it out loud, he might believe her, but she didn’t know if that counted as using the force for her own personal gain. It would make him feel better, but likely it would make her feel better yet. Just the idea of being able to heal him made her feel delirious, or maybe that was the satin of his skin. The scar tissue pulled tight, but there was a give to the rest of the skin like it was meant to be touched. Even the solid bulk of the muscles in his back fit under her hands like the shape of him had been made just for her.

She wanted to press her bare skin to his, imagine tracing her tongue down his spine as she trailed her fingers along the bones instead. She was so wet that she could smell it later that night when she took off her clothes and slipped into her sleep pants. Was this passion, the impossibly slick slide of her finger from her aching opening to her throbbing clit? Her hands on Finn’s back and now rubbing between her folds.

Finn had fallen asleep and she had left him, which was right. She had wanted to wake him up, but she hadn’t. She had thought of telling him about the moment with Poe, but indecision held her tongue.

She kept picturing the look on Poe’s face as she tried to fall asleep, even though it had been hours ago. She remembered the way he had felt, pinned between her and the wall. The feel of Finn’s back underneath her palm.

Just sleep, she tried to convince herself, but she couldn’t. Even when she tried to center herself: this room, these walls, the sky, goodnight. It was a mantra she used to repeat when she would lie in bed, too hungry to fall asleep right away. It helped about as much now as it did back then.

Finn and Poe both liked her, but they also liked each other, she was sure of that. She imagined the coupling of their bodies, ready to meditate through the jealousy. None came, but this didn’t feel like peace. She pictured it again and again, the way their skin would slide together, how their breathing would change as they got closer.

There was a never ending stream of images and she never felt anger or fear or anything other than longing, but maybe that was all right. She was familiar with longing. The relentless patience needed to wait for years for a family that never returned. The ache of loneliness. This jagged yearning was as familiar to her as the sand.

--

Poe ignored her after that. He wasn’t mean about it, but suddenly he was never around. He took lunches at a different time, always had some repair to do when she walked past him sitting with the rest of the pilots in the hangar bay, had to rush off to meet someone else when she took a seat next to him and Finn in the rec room. She understood why. Of course she did. But that didn’t change the way missing him woke up the deep down sad place inside of her.

She missed him, even though he was in the same building, and then she missed her family, and they were gone. She didn’t know where they were. They didn’t know where she was. She had left Jakku and now they would never be able to find her again. Maybe missing them should have gotten easier with time, but it felt more like a skill that she had spent years crafting.

After she fumbled the exercise Luke wanted her to do five times in a row and he sent her away in frustration, she thought she might start crying but she held it together right until the moment that she saw Finn waiting for her outside the gym.

“Oh no,” he said as her face crumbled. He looked distraught, and she wanted to pull herself together so she wouldn’t upset him, but it was like trying to stop the waves of the ocean. Once she started crying, she couldn’t help herself.

“Hey,” Finn said, wrapped both arms around her immediately. “Is it something bad? What should I do?”

“It’s okay, I’m sorry,” Rey choked out, but hearing her own wrecked voice somehow made her start crying even harder.

“You want to come to my room?” Finn offered. “Come on, Rey, we’ll just go sit down.” He talked with her the whole back back to his room, telling her that he would get her water and that she could wash her face and also some other nonsensical stuff about water like he had figured out what a comfort this planet’s abundance of water was to her.

By the time they were in his room, she had stopped crying. Finn sat on his bed, back against the wall, legs straight out in front of him, and opened his arms. Rey wiped at her face with the collar of her shirt and then climbed up onto his lap.

She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and tucked her knees up to bracket his sides, his arms around her, hands open on her lower back. She dropped her head and pressed her nose to the base of his throat where she could smell whatever soap or cream he had used that morning.

She thought it might be comforting to be this close to him, but it just made her want to be closer and closer yet. Her cheek touched his bare skin. Her face was hot, but she could still register the heat of his body. She didn't know if he was hard, but she wanted him to be.

When she had finally learned what sex actually was -- properly, not just from the rude things people were always yelling about in the market, she was so disappointed. The idea of interlocking parts was so boring; how could that be all there was to it? That wasn’t something to make any kind of fuss over.

She understood now. How the need for closeness could feel insatiable. All the ways that she and Finn could lock their bodies together.

She waited to see if he would do anything, but he seemed content to hold her tight, sighing sweetly and adjusting his hands occasionally, just little movements, enough to make it comfortable to hold the position for a very long time.

Rey’s heart never slowed down its frantic thumping, not when Finn swept one hand up the length of her spine, not when he tilted his head to press their cheeks together, not when he flexed his thighs to redistribute her weight.

Finn’s door pushed open, and they both looked up. Finn didn’t loosen his hold on her.

“Sorry,” Poe said softly. “I’ll come back in a bit.”

“It’s okay,” Rey said. “I’ll go.” But Finn just held on to her more tightly, and she didn’t try all that hard to break away.

She waited for Finn to explain why she had suddenly been so in need of a hug, but he just said, “Can you bring us some water?”

While Poe went to fill glasses with water from Finn’s bathroom, Rey lifted her head far enough back that she could look at Finn. She didn’t have a word for the expression on his face, but it was clear that he wasn’t going to say anything to Poe about her previous crying burst. Not while she was there, and not even once she left. And Poe was sticking around regardless, even though he’d spent the whole week avoiding her.

So Rey was the one, once Poe had brought them each a cup of water and settled cross legged on the ground in front of them, who said, “I’ve been homesick.”

The heightened state of her body had calmed with the interruption, and only now as she carefully and more distantly took inventory did she realize what a comfort it was to be close to Finn. It wasn’t like being home. There was a grit to being home, the familiarity of the endless sand dunes and the endless waiting. The solid press of Finn’s body beneath hers, and now the comforting presences of Poe, sitting close on the floor, was the opposite of anything familiar, and it was making a lot of signals fire in her head all at once. Trepidation and anticipation and warmth. The prickly threat of being overwhelmed entirely. She felt like she might have to leave at once, but also like she could stay exactly like this forever.

“I still miss my mom a lot,” Poe said. “She died.”

“I don’t miss anything,” Finn said. “I never want to go back, not ever, ever, ever.”

“Do you remember your family?” Rey asked.

“No. Do you?”

“I don’t think I can tell memories from what I’ve imagined anymore,” Rey said.

“Do you want to go back to Jakku?” Poe asked.

“Yes,” Rey said, her voice cracking embarrassingly. She pushed her face into Finn’s shoulder.

“That’s okay,” Poe said, wrapping his hand around her ankle. It was the first time he had touched her since they kissed.

Rey thought it might feel nice to cry, but she didn’t. Her body was overloaded from being touched by both of them, the relief of being held, the way the invisible reaching hands were finally quieted.

--

Rey went to do weekly maintenance of the Millennium Falcon and found General Organa sitting in the pilot’s seat.

When she heard Rey approaching and turned her head, Rey could see the tracks of tears down her cheeks, but the General did nothing to brush them away.

“I’m a stowaway,” General Organa said. “Don’t take off yet.”

“I was just -- I’m sorry,” Rey said. “I’ll go. I’m sorry.”

“It’s all right.”

“Can I -- what should I do?” Rey asked.

The General patted the seat beside her. “Will Chewie be mad if you sit here?”

“Maybe a little,” Rey said, and General Organa managed a watery smile.

“Today’s Han’s birthday.”

Rey reached for the General’s hand. It was much softer than her own, the skin looser but still so smooth.

“I’m sorry I didn’t save him,” Rey said.

“He knew what he was doing,” said the General. “I asked him to bring our son home and Han, he tried.”

“Kylo, I mean, um, your son --”

“Ben.” General Organa nodded.

“Ben was training to be a Jedi. Luke was training him to.”

“Has Luke told you anything about it?”

“No.” Rey had wanted to question him, but Luke just looked so sad anytime Ben or Han were mentioned that Rey couldn’t bring herself to ask.

“We sent him away, we sent them both away. That wasn’t the right decision.”

“Do you know what the Dark Side feels like?”

“Anyone who knows the Force knows the Dark Side,” said the General. “The Force is the Light Side and the Dark Side. Everything in balance.”

“But it wasn’t in balance for Ben.”

“It was harder for him. I could see that. I could always see that. It isn’t as hard for you.”

“Did Ben have a, you know, like a person he was dating?”

Oh,” General Organa said. She looked like she very much wanted to smile, but was poised enough to hold it back. “No, Rey. I don’t know why he was always so drawn to the dark side, but it wasn’t that. I can’t tell you about the Jedi code. They’ve got their rules, and I’m sure they have good reasons. But I can tell you that loving Han was the scariest thing I ever did, and I know that bravery never brought anyone closer to the dark side.”

“Finn was the only one who ever came back for me. And he brought Poe, and he brought Han.”

“Good men,” General Organa said. “All of them.” She moved her hand, and Rey hurried to let go, but General Organa was just lacing their fingers together. “Do you have anything urgent you need to be doing right now?”

Rey shook her head.

“Just sit with me for a little longer. It’s worse to grieve alone.”

--

She went to train with Luke afterward, feeling raw and sad and somehow still grateful. She said hi to Luke and wondered if he knew it was Han’s birthday, but of course he must have.

He had her sit and meditate, but she kept jumping out of her focused calm and back into the room. Was Luke thinking about Han now? He was sitting in front of her, meditating as well. Rey took a breath and tried to bring her energy down from the top of her head into her hands. Luke should talk to the General. It would help not to be alone. But he was still punishing himself.

Another breath.

Luke didn’t break the meditative stillness of his body, but he started to talk softly to her. “Center yourself, Rey. The Force is all around you. It carries everyone who has died. It is in all living things. It is in you. You’re a living thing. The Force is in you. You’re a living thing.”

It wasn’t until he said, “Okay, Rey, open your eyes, it’s okay,” that she realized she was crying silently.

“It’s okay to feel things, it means you’re alive. Just let it flow through you. Don’t try to hold on to it.”

She lifted the collar of her shirt to wipe her face, and then got back into her pose. She kept her eyes open at first, watching Luke breathe, feeling everything until the intensity rose as high as it was going to get and then it started draining away again. Luke’s breathing, her own breathing. Gradually she closed her eyes. Her breath. The ground beneath her, the weight of her hands on her knees. Another weight on the top of her hand. It took her a long moment to wade through the stillness until she figured out that the weight was a touch.

She opened her eyes. Luke had clasped her hand. It was the first time she could ever remember him touching her. She looked around the room, but there was no clue to how much time had passed.

“How do you feel?” Luke asked.

“Good,” Rey said, even though that didn’t begin to describe it.

She knew why Luke kept going on and on about being centered, because now that she was, she could feel the power in the balance. The pulse of the force connected her to everyone else. She knew where the disks were going to be before Luke threw them, and as she whacked them out of the air with her lightsaber (Luke’s lightsaber, Vader’s lightsaber, the history and her future behind and in front of her in equal balance), she did feel alive.

“Nicely done,” Luke said. He wasn’t mean, but he had never said she’d done a good job before. He looked happy for a moment before his face settled into its usual mask of neutrality, weathered beyond his years.

“Thanks,” Rey said, trying to keep her own grin in check.

She went to the caf and no one even tried to stop her when she took the entire basket of hurdues with her. She ran into Poe on her way back to her room. He was still in his orange flight suit, his hair tufting out at the sides from wearing his helmet.

He smiled at her, but there was a strain in his face, and in that moment she recognized it immediately because it was the same strain in hers, the same longing. The Force was all around them, everything and everyone was connected. She wasn’t the only one who carried around an ache inside of her.

“I’d be willing to share,” she said, nodding at the basket in her arms. “Do you want to find Finn?”

“Generous,” Poe said. “Do you think Finn’s at the range?”

“He’s in his room,” Rey said, and she was glad that Poe didn’t ask how she knew that, because then she might have to admit that she almost always knew where they were -- both of them.

Finn was in his room, just out of the fresher and still shirtless.

There was a pause where she took in the shape of him and then she passed over the baked goods.

“What’s this for?” Finn said happily, throwing himself into the centre of his bed and leaving room for her and Poe to crawl up on either side of him.

“Training was good,” Rey said.

“Same, actually,” Poe offered.

“Physio was good for me,” Finn said.

“Well, aren’t we something,”

After they had finished eating all of the hurdues, Finn said, “Argh, I’m sticky. You’ve got crumbs everywhere,” and made them get off the bed so that he could brush down the sheets. Rey caught Poe’s eye, and on her nod, they both charged at Finn at the same time, tackling him to the bed.

“No, it’s still sticky, I’m going to have to change my sheets, stop.”

“Sticky where?” Poe asked with a grin that made him look like he belonged on the cover of a dirty hologram.

Finn looked down. There was a smear of sugar from his clavicle to the top of his pec.

“Always happy to help with clean up,” Poe said, and dropped his head to lick the sugar away.

“Poe,” Finn squeaked. He was laughing but Rey followed the twitch of his hand and saw that he was digging his knuckles into his hip.

She reached for his hand and he clung to her instead. When his laughter trailed off, the room was silent except for the wet sound of Poe’s mouth. Finn’s free hand twisted into Poe’s hair. When Poe lifted his head, Finn curled off the bed and smashed their mouths together. Poe’s hand was resting on Finn’s thigh. Rey watched as his knuckles flexed and the grip turned into something with far more intent.

Her hand was still clasped with Finn’s and he kept pulling at her like he wanted her closer, but she was already pressed up right against the side of his body, one of her legs draped over his knee. When he and Poe broke their kiss, he turned to her immediately, his eyes still closed. His lips were wet and he looked so openly needy in the moment before he caught himself.

“Sorry,” he said, blinking his eyes open. He didn’t let go of her hand, but he gentled his grip.

Rey looked over at Poe, who pulled his hand off Finn’s thigh, pressed it to his mouth, and bit down on his knuckle.

“Do you want to--” Finn trailed off. What was he going to offer? Did she want to stop? Did she want to watch?

Did she want to keep going?

She tried to muster up some lies to tell herself: it would just be this once, she would stop it before it went too far, she wouldn’t become emotionally compromised. Just out of habit now; she wasn’t going to say no. Already she was leaning down to slot her mouth against Finn’s.

He made a cut off sound in the back of his throat. Their hands were caught between their bodies. When she felt fingers sliding through her hair, at first she thought it was Finn reaching out with his free hand, but then she realized it was Poe. She bit at Finn’s lower lip, then lifted her head and opened her mouth to Poe’s.

She rose up on her knees to get a better angle, and realized only after she was already grinding down that she was properly straddling Finn’s thigh. He did something -- she didn’t know what, Poe was sucking on her tongue -- and the pressure got better, like Finn was rocking up against her. She broke away to gasp and Poe dropped his head, kissing down her neck. He curled his finger into the collar of her shirt and held the fabric aside as he sucked wet and careful kisses along her collarbone.

Finn moved again, sitting up now, unlacing their fingers so he could steady her with a palm to her lower back. She was in his lap, Poe was kneeling at his side. Poe let his lips drag up her neck and then kissed Finn again. They were all so close; Rey could hear the slick sounds of their tongues sliding together and she dropped her head to press her cheek into the curve of Finn’s neck, her arm wrapping around his shoulders.

A hand between her shoulder blades: Poe’s. She followed his touch and as soon as she lifted her head he was kissing her, Finn’s hand tightening on her lower back as she ground down against his thigh. His breathing was ragged, or Poe’s was, or hers was, she couldn’t tell, they were all so close. It was easy to get swept away in it -- too easy. Rey closed her eyes and tried to center herself.

They noticed the change immediately, and stopped.

“You okay?” Finn asked.

“I’m good,” Rey said. “Just, you know.” Almost all of what she knew about sex was ways to avoid it.

Poe’s hand was still on her back, but he stroked her comfortingly now. “You want to stop?”

“Definitely not.”

Poe grinned, and leaned in to kiss her, just quick and sweet.

“You wanna take this off?” he asked, fingering the hem of her shirt.

“You first,” she said.

Poe was in his jumpsuit, so he had to get off of the bed to take it off. Both she and Finn watched as he unzipped it, pushing it off his shoulders and then sliding it down his legs. He had on underwear and a tank top, and when he climbed back on to the bed, Rey helped him take off the tank top as well. Once his shirt was off, Finn leaned in and licked at his nipple, first making his tongue broad and soft, then flicking at Poe’s nipple with just the tip.

“Force,” Poe cursed, sounding frantic.

“You’re sensitive,” Finn said, when he finally pulled away.

“Are you?”

“Not there,” Finn said.

“Are you going to tell us where?” Poe asked, dropping his hand into Finn’s lap. Rey was still straddling Finn’s leg, so she could feel Poe’s hand brush up against her thigh as he reached for Finn’s cock.

Finn gasped, then grinned, challengingly. “Are you going to tell Rey how much you want to eat her pussy?” he asked.

Rey gasped. “Finn!” She pressed the back of her wrist to her forehead, hid her eyes behind her forearm.

“That means she wants you to,” Finn said. “Come on, darling, let us look at you.”

Rey flushed. She forced herself to pull her arm away.

Poe was looking at Finn. “Those Stormtrooper masks must have been torture for you,” he said. “Never being able to see anyone.”

“I do like seeing people,” Finn said, almost succeeding in keeping his voice light.

Rey reached for him, but Poe was already doing the same. They pressed him down into the bed, Poe rubbing at his cock through his pants while Rey kissed him until he was breathing too hard and had to stop.

Rey kissed his cheek, his neck, licked at the tip of his earlobe. So quietly that she wasn’t even sure if he would hear, she whispered, “I want you to fuck me.”

He groaned, bucked his hips, and then reached for Poe’s wrist, gritting out, “Wait, wait.”

Rey twisted her head and realized that Poe had gotten Finn’s pants open. His cock was hard, jutting out of the open folds of his fly. Rey felt her pussy clench. She was the only one still fully dressed.

“Your turn now?” Poe asked, and when she nodded, he pulled off her shirt and undid the drawstring of her pants, crawling down to the foot of the bed so that he could grab the cuffs and slid them down her legs.

Finn came up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist and supporting her when she leaned back into his embrace.

“You want to let him eat you out?” Finn whispered, just as quiet as she had been.

“Yes,” she said, pressing her thighs together. She was still wearing her underwear, but she was so wet that there was no friction when the fabric slid against her.

“He told me how much he wants to taste you,” Finn whispered.

Rey called out softly, “Poe,” and then nodded when he paused with his hands at her panties. He pulled those off too, dropping them over the side of the bed. She could feel Finn’s hard cock pressed low to her back.

She said yes when Poe kissed her knee, her thigh. She leaned back in Finn’s arms and spread her legs until there was room for Poe to fit between them. She was staring at the top of his head, but still it was a shock when he licked at her pussy, the overwhelming intimacy of it, the sharp pleasure when he pressed his lips directly to her clit. It was too much and she wanted more. Finn slid his hands up her stomach to cup her breasts, rolling her nipples between his fingers until she felt like she was going to scream from how badly she wanted something to clench down on.

“Poe, could you, fingers,” she panted, and then she stopped breathing entirely when he slid one careful finger inside. He twisted it and she shuddered, her breath coming out in a broken moan.

She looked down, his head between her thighs, Finn’s fingers on her breasts, and then had to close her eyes, throwing her head back to rest on Finn’s shoulder. Poe got the rhythm with his tongue just right, and she reached out to clutch at his hair because don’t stop, she needed him to keep going, but she couldn’t make a sound.

Her thighs started shaking and then she came in great, wrenched pulses that shook her whole body. Poe kept licking her through it, dragging the orgasm out until each touch of his tongue felt like getting hit with a blaster except good. He pushed another finger inside of her and she yelped, clenching her thighs around his head to keep him there, push him back, her body didn’t know what to do.

Poe gave her another long lick, then pulled his head back, leaving his fingers inside of her. Finn leaned forward until he could reach Poe and they kissed over her shoulder, her body between theirs, Poe’s fingers still rocking gently inside of her.

“I’m going to go get a condom, okay?” Finn asked. “Do you still want me to fuck you?”

“Ye-es,” Rey said, voice cracking. Poe was pulsing his fingers harder now. “Oh, Force,” she said, bearing down against his hand. “You’re really good at that.”

Poe was flushed all the way down his chest, his cock tenting his underwear. He kept rocking his fingers until Finn had finished putting on the condom, then he pulled his hand away carefully. Finn lay down on the bed and Rey straddled him, rubbing herself against his cock until he reached his hand between them to hold it at the base, angling it up for her to slide down on it, to take him inside.

The sharpness of the stretch was still somehow a relief after the emptiness of not having Poe’s fingers. She felt herself open around him, working her hips down in fits and starts until he was fully sheathed. He groaned as she started to rock, his hands roaming to clutch at her hips, her thighs. She turned her head until she found Poe’s mouth and kissed him hard. His face smelled like her sex. She pushed her tongue into his mouth, thought about how he had eaten her pussy, and groaned, bouncing harder on Finn’s cock.

Poe ran his hand down her back, touching her ass, reaching between Finn’s legs. Finn’s whole body seemed to surge, his thighs spreading. He started fucking up into her, so she leaned forward, bracing herself on the bed. He pressed his face into her breasts, groaned, his hands clamping around her hips, locking their bodies together as he came.

She held herself over him as he shuddered through his orgasm, revelling in how vulnerable he seemed in this moment. She clenched around his cock and he whimpered, so she rose off him, rolling to her side.

Poe was at the foot of the bed, and she opened her arms until he crawled up, covering her body with his. Through the fabric of his underwear, she could feel his cock as he rutted up against her thigh.

“Do you want to fuck me now?” she whispered, because somehow it was easier to say dirty things if she was very, very quiet.

Poe’s hips jerked, and she laughed, spreading her legs until he was in between her thighs.

“Are you sore?” he asked.

She shook her head and said, “I could go again.” He seemed to know what she meant by that, because after he had rolled on a condom and slid inside of her, he said, “Want to give us a hand here, buddy?”

Finn rolled over, butting his head up against her shoulder. “I can’t even feel my toes,” he said sleepily, but his fingers were deft as they circled her clit, rubbing her off as Poe fucked her slow and steady. Before she came again, she felt raw, like every nerve was lit up, her whole body glowing with the kind of light that was too bright to look at, but her orgasm washed that away in waves. She rocked against Finn’s fingers, Poe’s cock, fucking her harder and harder until he was coming as well. Somehow it felt like her orgasm stretched all the way through his, like it was never going to stop, this moment, the three of them, this joy reaching into infinity.

--

She still felt that joy when she walked into the gym the next day, and maybe it was her flush that gave her away, but Luke gave her a look like he knew exactly what had happened.

Rey squared her shoulders and clenched her jaw.

“Oh, stop,” Luke said after a moment of tense silence. “Don’t look like that. I’m still going to train you.”

She waited, warily.

“It’s alright,” Luke said, “but they do make these rules for a reason.”

“I know that Ben --”

“You’re not like him,” Luke interrupted. “I have never thought you were like him. Not for a second. I knew Vader. I was with him when he died. There was good in him, even after everything. I think there is still good in Ben. But I know there is nothing but good in you.”

“I’m sorry I disappointed you,” Rey said, her voice sounding smaller than she had ever heard it before.

“I’m not disappointed,” Luke said, clasping one of her hands between both of his. “I just want to train you. You’re so important to everything that is going to happen. We all can feel that.”

I’m just a scavenger, Rey thought, but she didn’t say it. Even though it still felt true, it now only seemed like one part of her truth.

“The Jedi weren’t right about everything,” Luke said. “But I think they were right about this. Romantic attachments distract, and they can endanger. Vader was a good husband until he wasn’t anymore. It’s not that I don’t understand, or that I don’t want you to be happy, but you know in the end, it’s just going to be you and Kylo Ren.”

“I know,” Rey said. She didn’t know how she knew, but she did.

“Will you be able to leave?” Luke asked. “When the time comes, will you be able to leave them behind and do what you must? Even if it means they are in danger?”

“Yes,” she said without a moment’s pause. “And then I’ll come back for them.”