Chapter Text
"So you leave tomorrow,
Just sleep the night,
I promise I will, make things right,
I'll make you breakfast, the way you like,
Before you leave tomorrow,
Just let me try..."
*
Bucky kissed him like it was the last thing he was going to do in his life. Like the Earth, moon and stars would blink out of existence the minute their lips parted. Like the second Bucky was without Steve’s lips, his little whimpers and small hands that clutch at his shirt, he’d die. Except, it was always like that, at the dead of night, love confessions whispered against sweaty skin, amongst moans and stifled screams as their bodies became one, hands touching everywhere, lips reddened and wet, it was always like that. Desperate, hot and needy, something that they both needed, they both needed to feel alive, to feel real, bonded.
And the next morning, neither of them mentioned the night before. Bucky was always gone by the time Steve woke up and when he came back from work, he was never in the mood talk. He came back smelling like cheap cigarette smoke; redden lips from some dame he’d probably met up with after work. It killed Steve, it tore at his heart and soul, but if Bucky wanted to keep it this way, at least he had this; he could be whatever he was to Bucky, if only he could keep kissing him until he died. Sometimes, he wondered if Bucky felt the same, if he really meant the words he said, if he really loved him. But he’d never ask, never want to ruin what they had.
*
"Before you leave tomorrow,
Before you say goodbye,
Before you leave tomorrow,
Before you leave..."
*
The day that Bucky got his orders was the worst. After a lame attempt at a double date, they ended back at their dingy apartment. Steve didn’t mention the doctor he’d spoken to and Bucky didn’t mention the woman he’d kissed, though he smelt like her. They fell into bed together, a mix of clothes and heated words that neither of them would acknowledge the next morning.
“I love you,” Bucky groaned into the crook of Steve’s neck as he slid into the smaller man’s body, wrapping Steve’s skinny legs around his back, “oh, baby, you’re so good, so fuckin’ good.”
Steve whimpered and clung on tighter, meeting Bucky’s shallow, hard thrusts, each of them hitting his prostate, “oh, oh, Buck, Bucky, there, yes!”
“You’re mine,” Bucky growled, rocking into Steve fast and hard, fingertips digging into the boney edges of Steve’s hips, “mine, mine, mine.”
Each word that fell from his lips was in time with his hips, skin slapping against skin. Bucky’s eyes were dark, staring down at Steve with something that made the blond want to scream Bucky’s name, that pure lust and possessiveness, wrapping it’s way around Steve’s heart and stayed there.
“Yours,” Steve panted, moaning softly, trying to keep his voice down as Bucky pounded into him, thrusts becoming erratic and uncoordinated as they both began to tumble over the edge.
“Say it,” Bucky grunted, voice low and dark, “say it, baby, say it.”
Steve gasped then, as Bucky thrust once, twice and then oh – he slipped and arched his back, muffling his scream with his own fist, but Bucky could make out the words as clear as day, “oh, oh, yes, Buck, love you, love you, love you…”
They fall asleep later, both of them a mess of sweaty skin, reddened lips and the evidence of their love making between them, Steve dripping with Bucky’s release, but he doesn’t care. Bucky held him and wrapped them both in their sheets, kissing his head. They don’t say anything and fall asleep to the sound of each other’s heartbeats.
The silence said it all.
I love you.
I’m sorry.
I’ll miss you.
You deserve so much more.
Goodbye.
*
"Stay here and lay here right in my arms,
It's only a moment, before you're gone,
And I, am keeping you warm,
Just act like you love me, so I can go on,
And act like you love me, so I can go on..."
*
The night that Steve rescued the 107th was one that he would never forget. They returned high on adrenaline and the laughter of their friends. Steve was different now. So was Bucky, but together, they were the same.
“Perfect,” Bucky whispered, laying kisses all over Steve’s chest, worshipping his newly formed muscles, “you’re so perfect, Stevie. Always were, my sweet boy.”
Steve had been worried, worried Bucky wouldn’t want him like this, bigger and stronger. But they still fit, somewhat awkwardly, but they still melded in all the right places.
It was almost too much and when Bucky finally slides into Steve’s body, the blond began to cry, whimpering and chocking on his words. Bucky was no better, he kept his thrusts slow and long, wanting it to last, wanting Steve to feel it the next day, to smell like him, he wanted to devour Steve and keep him close, right next to his heart.
“Oh, baby,” Bucky grunted, thrusting faster, “baby, oh, Stevie.”
Steve was a mess of words and small cries, trying to keep their noise down. But if the others heard, they didn’t mention it.
“Bucky, oh – please, oh! Harder,” Steve whispered, panting into Bucky’s mouth, eyes locked on each other’s, chests so close that it was almost as though they shared the same heart.
When Steve came that night, his high pitched moans were swallowed by Bucky’s mouth, especially when the latter finished in him. They fall asleep tangled up in each other and the next morning, Bucky made love to Steve again and again. Even then, they didn’t confront what they were faced with, they just fell deep, Bucky in Steve, claiming him, marking him.
Mine.
Yours.
And somewhere in the back of Steve’s mind, he thought maybe, just maybe, Bucky meant it. He never got to ask, for the snowy mountains had ripped them apart.
*
"When you go, I can't watch you leave,
Just promise me you'll sneak out when I'm asleep,
And when you go, and you're miles down the road,
I wake up wishing everything was just a dream,
Just stay here and lay here right in my arms,
It's only a moment before you're gone,
And I, am keeping you warm,
Just act like you love me, so I can go on."
*