Chapter Text
Neil was sitting in their shared dorm, the T.V on an exy game in the background as Neil worked on his coursework, Andrew as supposed to have been home an hour ago but was running late for some reason
Neil couldn’t focus on his math problems though, he had texted Andrew a half hour ago asking where he was and had gotten nothing in return, not even one of those read receipts Allison had showed him.
It shouldn’t worry him, he had no reason to assume anything had happened and it was entirely possible Andrew just hadn’t checked his phone recently but…Neil couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong.
He blew out an agitated breath, this was ridiculous, Andrew was fine. If he knew Neil was this worried about it he’d probably give him one of those vaguely amused huffs of his and call him an idiot in that fond tone he pretended didn’t exist.
Still though, another text couldn’t hurt could it?
Neil reached over, accidentally bending some of the papers in his lap a bit, then grabbing his phone off the side table.
To: Drew
‘Everything okay?’
‘Will you be home soon?’
He set the phone down. He was being paranoid. What’s an hour without texting him? Still, he watched as no read receipt showed up, minutes passing by with no call or text had him getting more and more antsy. Finally, Neil stood, pacing the length of the living room back and forth.
He pulled his phone out again, this time, reluctantly texting Aaron.
To: Nuisance
‘Have you seen Andrew recently?’
A few minutes passed before a response lit up his screen.
From: Nuisance
‘No? Why? Is he not with you?’
To: Nuisance
‘If he was with me would I be texting you?’
From: Nuisance
‘Whatever, I’ll call him.’
Neil sighed, running a hand through his unruly hair, pausing to tug sharply. Andrew hated when he did that, he could see the disdain in his eyes whenever Neil pulled too harshly at his scalp but he couldn’t help it, the action was grounding. The pain was a reminder that he needed to be present, that he couldn’t lose himself to hypotheticals. And, anyhow, Andrew wasn’t here to smack his hand away.
His phone pinged again and Neils hope died in his chest when he saw it was only Aaron.
From: Nuisance
‘He’s not picking up, have you tried calling?’
His stomach dropped, a new layer of dread pooling in his chest. Andrew usually picked up calls from Aaron even when he didn’t want to, he was a better brother than people gave him credit for and if he wasn’t picking up to Aaron…Neil shook his head, spiraling would help nothing right now.
He clicked Andrew’s contact, holding the phone up to his ear as the dial tone rang. A series of timed beeps only skyrocketed his anxiety as the call dropped.
Instead he called Aaron.
He picked up on the first ring.
“When was the last time you saw him?” Aaron spoke first, his voice rushed and breathy on the other end.
“About two hours ago, he said he was going to the gas station and then stopping at the store. The last time I heard from him was an hour and a half ago, he’d sent me a picture of the energy drinks because I needed one for studying and he picked me up an orange flavored one. He said he’d be home in around thirty minutes. An hour passed and I texted him, then I texted again before I called you. I just tried his phone. He didn’t pick up.”
“Okay, okay. I texted the group chat, no ones heard from him.”
“What gas station was it?” Neil asked, trying desperately to calm his racing thoughts.
“How should I fucking know, Josten? You’re the only one he even told where he was going.”
“Shut the fuck up, this is not the time for you misplaced jealousy on your meaning to him.”
Aaron scoffed over the line “Jealousy? As if I could be jealous of-”
A beep sounded and Neil pulled the phone away from his ear, confused.
‘Drew’ ‘Drew’ flashed across his screen. ‘Call waiting’.
A breath of air rushed from Neils chest, relief coating his tongue as a small smile stole across his face.
“Aaron, shut up, he’s calling me, I’ll text you.”
Without waiting for a response he hung up and clicked ‘answer’.
“Did you lose your phone for an hour over there?” Neil asked, his voice light with the weight of worry lifted from his chest.
“Umm…Sorry, hello who is this?”
Neils heart dropped again, any levity that he had dissipating as quickly as it’d come.
“Neil Josten, why do you have Andrew’s phone?” He tone was sharp, the stark fear that had wormed into his chest making an appearance.
“I-” Neil heard some murmurs in the background.
“Hello?”
“My name is Ameilia, I’m the fire chief here in Palmetto. We found this phone outside of the 7/11 by Park Road, are you familiar with that area?”
“What happened? What's going on?” Neils heart was a drum pounding in his ears, his blood rushing as he grabbed his shoes.
“It appears there was a shootout and subsequent fire at the 7/11. I…I’m sorry to inform you that at this time we have not found any survivors.”
Neil stilled, no, no that couldn’t be right. He’d probably just dropped his phone on the way out, yes, that had to be it.
“Just hang on to his phone, I’ll be down there soon.”
“Sir, I must advise you, it does not loo-”
Neil hung up, sprinting to Matts dorm he banged on the door.
It took entirely too long in Neils opinion, but in reality was only probably thirty seconds for a tired looking Matt to open the door.
When his eyes met Neils they widened.
“Woah, buddy, everything okay.?”
“Get your keys.”
Matt nodded slowly and turned, grabbing the keys that sat in a bowl by the door. He stepped out in slides and Neil spun on his heel, bolting down the hallway.
“Hey, wait a minute!” Matt yelled after him, but Neil heard his footsteps following so he didn’t slow.
Neil raced to the drivers side, waiting impatiently for Matt to reach him before snatching the keys from his hands and jumping into the front seat. He didn’t wait for Matt to be buckled before he peeled out of the parking lot.
“Buddy, hey, take a breath. What’s going on?”
But Neil couldn’t speak. He couldn’t force his mouth to move, all he could think about was Andrew, his skin burning, sloughing off as the fire engulfed him. His screams as Neil sat at home, doing fucking math problems. In between his mind brought flashes of Lola, held down, lighter to his face. Her cackles as he begged. Back to Andrew, the doors melted shut, his hands burning as he fought against the heat, his mind pleading with death to take him if only the pain would stop.
He slammed the brakes and shot out of the car like a dart rushing towards the flames consuming the small gas station Neil and Andrew frequented. He could feel the heat wafting off it from yards away as he sprinted towards the front.
“Neil, you can’t- someone grab him!” He could hear Matt's distressed shouts behind him but he couldn’t bring himself to care. His mind was pulsing, the only thought:
Andrew, Andrew, Andrew, Andrew, Andrew
Then arms caught him, snaring his waist and he clawed at the hands holding him.
It wasn’t true, it wasn’t true, it wasn’t true.
His brain chanted those words over and over again but he couldn’t reconcile it with the truth, couldn’t make himself believe such a falsehood, because sitting idle on the ground thirty feet in front of him were knives.
Two identical blade resting haphazardly by the doors, flames falling over the metal, reflecting the vibrant reds and violent yellows of the fire swirling around them
There was so much noise, a cacophony of input pouring down around around him and yet all he could hear was his brain screaming
No, No, No, No. No.
And over everything else he vaguely registered Matt's horrified gasp as he spotted what Neils eyes had locked on.
“Oh god no.”
~~~
Neil wasn’t exactly sure what was going on, he hadn’t been in…well a while at this point was all he knew.
He knew he was in a room, he knew he had one of his teammates with him, he thought maybe it was Renee this time but he couldn’t be sure, he hadn’t looked away from the spot in front of him in just as long.
Eyes open but seeing nothing, hearing nothing but faint noise of what he thought might be conversation buzzing around him. He hadn’t spoken in days, by choice or by lack thereof, his voice having given out when he shredded his vocal chords apart with the screams that burst from his chest when-
His mind blanked again.
It’d been doing that a lot recently.
“-eil, Neil. Come one man look at me.”
Matt? Maybe. He didn’t turn to see if he was right, he didn’t care if he was. There was only one person he wanted to see and he was-
Neil blinked. What had happened again?
“Neil, you need to eat something, you haven’t eaten in days.” the disembodied voice spoke again.
It was right, he hadn’t, why did he need to eat again though? He wasn’t sure, there was a hole in his chest that made him feel hollow. He didn’t know much right now but he knew eating would do nothing to fill that cavern so why should he?
“Neil, please, you have to.”
Please, Please, Please, Please.
‘Who said please that made you hate the word so much?’
‘I did’
A strangled noise tore out of Neil’s chest, the memory(?) brought no visual, at least not of who he was talking to. (He knew who he was talking to. He couldn’t bear to look at him. Not even in thought) A black void with a body he knew better than his own.
His chest squeezed tight, like someone was sitting on him, pushing all the air from his greedy lungs. He wished someone would, wished someone would put a pillow over his face and steal his breath. Then this would be over, the overwhelming pain and numbness would cease. He would cease.
“Okay, Neil, okay. I’m s- just breathe. Neil, come on.” But why breathe when he wasn’t?
“Neil seriously,” the voice pointed elsewhere, the words quieter. “Renee, can you go get Bee and Abby?”
“Come on, buddy.”
“Neil-” A voice sobbed out.
“Nicky, leave if you can’t hold it together, he doesn’t need that right now.”
There was shuffling off in the distance, his chest still felt tight. His vision was hazy. He felt so… split open, nothing and everything tumbling out of him. He was nothing. He was everything.
Was, Was, Was, Was, Was, Was
Another choked noise filled the room, the air around him getting thicker, his vision pulsating and black dots slowly crowding his eyes like gnats. Gnats, flys, maggots, maggots rotting, feeding on the dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, He wished he was dead .
“Neil? Neil, can you hear me? It's Betsy. I know you’re having a hard time right now. We need you to take a breath, just one, can you do that for us?”
Betsy. Besty. Bee .
‘ Listen to Bee, rabbit.’
He sucked in a painful, rotting breath, that voice echoing in his brain, bouncing off the walls of his mind.
“Good, that's great Neil. Can you do that again? Exactly like that, Neil, that was perfect.”
Neil curled further in on himself, another breath shaking through his chest as the black dots. Gnats. Began to recede.
“Perfect, keep going, just like that Neil.”
Neil supposed she was trying to be soothing. It made him want to scoff, soothing? As if he was something to be soothed, something to feel kindness after Andre-
He slammed his eyes shut, his hands coming up to cover his ears.
He could somewhat hear odd scraping noises in the air around him but he just his eyes tighter against them. They were so full of pain, like a shot deer, like a tortured soul, like the body of someone burni-
He sank deeper into his resting spot, shutting the world out. Shutting himself out, he didn’t want to be here, he couldn’t see it again.
Somewhere away from him a small click sounded. The room was quiet again, save for the gentle breathing of someone beside him. He didn’t care to check who. Didn’t care about any of it.
Didn’t care, Didn’t care, Didn’t care
~~~
“Good to see you up, Neil.” It was Dan, he thought, Dan standing by the door to the dorm, guarding it as if he would bolt, as if he could . Matt and Kevin had helped him get out here, his body weak from days of no food and minimal water.
Neil said nothing, his ears still faintly ringing, the scent of smoke, of charred flesh, of rot, pounding away at him.
No one tried to speak to him after that, but they all spoke around him.
He was present enough now to know who was in the room at the very least.
Kevin sat still in the armchair by the T.V, a bottle of vodka sitting half empty on the ground next to him.
Nicky sat near to him, his eyes full of tears more often than not, were glancing from Kevin to the bottle, clearly debating if he should take it or not.
Dan and Matt stood by the door, whispers passing between them, their eyes darting from Neil to each other and back again. Their gaze is one of worry, of pity, of sadness shared amongst grief.
Renee sat beside Allison on the floor on the other side of the couch, Allison leaning into Renee's side, both of their eyes bloodshot. Renee had dried tears covering her cheeks, looking as if she’d hastily wiped them away.
Aaron was in the room. Somewhere. Neil hadn’t looked but he knew. He knew because Katelyn was here and she hadn’t left Aarons side since-
Neil shook his head.
There was another presence in the room. One he hadn’t put a name to yet (he had), it was soft, comforting, it was firm but gentle, it was a hand on the back of his neck as his lungs fought for air.
He wasn’t sure why everyone was gathered didn’t care really, he wouldn’t be here to care much longer.
He rolled his shoulders out, still weak but he felt confident enough to be stable on his feet.
Just as he made the decision to stand, the door opened.
Wymack, Betsy, and Abby strode in. All of their faces were worn and exhausted.
Abby shut the door quietly and stood to Wymacks side as he took a deep, steadying breath.
“As you all know, this team has suffered a tragedy.”
Tragedy?
Smoke, burning, screaming, No, No, No N-
Neil dug his nails into his palms, he hoped he drew blood.
“We will take care of each other during this time, Betsy as well as another campus counselor, are on stand by and will be seeing each of you for mandatory grief counseling for the next few months. If you feel you are in need of additional help please let us know.”
Coach took another breath.
“I was required to read from a script for that first part but from me to you.” Wymack paused, looking each of them in the eye. When he met Neils blank gaze he held it. Neil did so without much thought, all he could hear was fire crackling, Matt's horrified gasp, the fire chiefs ‘My name is Ameilia..’.
“I know you all had different kinds of relationships with him but despite any animosity that you all had I also know you loved him. I know each and every one of you would have fought like hell for any other outcome than what this fucked up world gave us.”
He could sense the others nodding around him and he turned from Wymacks gaze, the buzzing in his head getting louder.
“I won’t drag this out for ya, his funeral is in three days. We don’t have any…” Coach swallowed hard. “Any remains, so it’ll be a closed casket to pay our respects. No practice for the next two weeks, and hey,”
But Neil couldn’t look.
Remains, Remains, Remains, Remains
“Take care of each other, this ain’t a time to fight. Betsy?”
Betsy nodded and took a step closer, looking out over the room, the room that was missing An-
He could feel the blood seeping from the half crescent indents on his palms.
“I will be here to the best of my ability along with my colleague, Anna. If any of you need to talk, vent, or simply sit in silence with someone my door will be open. Take care of yourselves and allow yourself grace to feel the emotions even if all you want to do is shut down. It’ll never leave you but it will get easier, give it time.”
With that, the door clicked shut again and the room descended into silence save for the shaky inhales and exhales of his teammates and the quiet cries Neil thought might have been Nicky.
Neil stood, his legs weak but his stance steady.
“Neil?”
“Don’t be stupid, Neil, sit down.”
Neil paid them no mind, instead he turned, walking back into his bedroom. Their bedroom. And sinking down to the floor.
He was numb, his head felt so empty yet his limbs felt as if they weighed a hundred pounds.
He knew he wouldn’t be moving again for a while.
~~~
Where was he?
“Neil, get the fuck out of the bathroom.”
Oh that’s right.
More banging sounded at the door as Kevin yelled at him through it.
“This isn’t fucking funny.”
No. No it wasn’t. Nothing was funny.
He thought it’d been a day, maybe two, since Wymack gave his little ‘feel better’ speech and announced a…event of some kind. Neil couldn’t remember.
Maybe he’d bring An-
Another bang sounded.
“Open the door or I’ll break it down, Josten.”
Neil might’ve been amused at that in another life, here though, he felt nothing. A wide gaping hole of nothing .
Why had he come in here?
He turned to the sink.
Oh.
A razor blade sat in the open, resting on the edge of the porcelain.
That’s when Neil registered the slight stinging on his arms.
Blood leaked slowly from several wounds open across his arms and thighs. Right, he’d wanted to feel something.
Or maybe, he’d wanted to punish himself for not being fast enough.
Fast enough to stop-
Burning, screams, flesh, charred bodies
Neil made another slice.
He had the blade again, somehow.
He stared down at his arms, his thoughts were a disjointed mess, they hardly made sense. Even in his own mind he struggled to parse them out. He found a line though, a spot of clarity in the madness.
You can make it stop
You can make it all stop
It’ll feel better if you do. You’ll stop seeing him.
Who?
A charred, blackened body sat in front of him on the bathroom floor, its flesh flaking as it reached toward him.
Neil would have screamed, almost did until he glanced toward its face.
Andrew
Hazel eyes stared back, fire creeping slowly up his neck.
He should have been scared, should have been terrified. But it was Andrew, and Neil was never scared of Andrew.
The fire spread farther, the pale skin of his cheek slowly burning, bone beginning to peek through the hues of red, yellow, and orange.
Neil would almost think he looked at peace.
Then the screaming started.
Agonized screams cutting through the quiet of the bathroom, slicing through the banging on the door outside. Pleas bubbling from the hole Neil realized was where his mouth would be. Begging, he was begging . Andrew didn’t beg.
He wouldn’t.
Neil wanted it to stop. But it just kept going, battering at his ears. Andrews screams, his cries seemingly shaking the walls of the bathroom.
End It
End It
End It
Neil brought the razor up, slashing vertically from his wrist to his elbow as the door shattered inward.
~~~
Neil was in bed again.
His arm stinging if he so much as twitched. A bolt of pain if he tried to move it even slightly.
The aftermath of the bathroom was hazy, he was only able to remember it in quick snatches of memory.
Kevin's hands hauling him up.
Abby, silently wrapping his arm as tears fell quietly from her eyes.
Wymack running a hand over his face, a devastated look that only got worse the longer he watched.
Betsy, trying in vain to get him to talk.
Kevin sitting beside him, taking frequent drags of whatever alcohol he held this time.
At some point he thought he saw Katelyn, which meant Aaron was somewhere but she was gone as soon as she'd come.
He’d have to be faster next time. They’d be watching him even more now, he needed to devise a plan, over the next few days to look like he was getting better. He’d have to start talking again, the thought made the exhaustion weigh heavier somehow but he knew he’d do it.
It felt almost ironic somehow, the boy who’d spent his whole life running to survive, staying to survive, doing whatever he could to survive, now all he wanted was to die. All he wanted was to let go.
So he’d do it. He’d eat, and drink water, he’d start talking more, little by little, and then when he had just enough freedom, he’d go to their spot, and he’d sit and while looking out over their view he’d leave.
It almost made him smile.
~~~
It was working.
The funeral had come and gone on Friday, he’d started talking on Saturday morning, he’d started eating real meals by Saturday afternoon, and by Saturday night he’d sat in a room with Matt and pretend to watch the movie he put on.
He still felt hollow with every step, his brain still bombarded him with images of charred flesh, sometimes he’d see Andrew but also not Andrew, instead it was the figure he’d seen in the bathroom.
It seemed to follow him through his days, into Sunday, through Monday. But he’d learned to sit in his room when he started screaming. Learned to hide the cuts somewhere else so Abby wouldn’t see them, it was the only way the begging stopped.
By Wednesday of the next week, the team seemed satisfied enough that he was on his way to recovery, they started leaving him alone for more than five minutes at a time though Wymack still had this weary all too knowing look in his eye like he knew exactly what kind of game Neil was playing.
Neil didn’t care all that much, he just needed ten minutes, two minutes to get up to the roof, four minutes to sit down and look out at the view, three minutes to say goodbye to not Andrew and all that could’ve been, and one minute to fall. Ten minutes was all he needed.
~~~
He got his ten minutes on Friday night. Officially two weeks since-
He shook his head.
Two weeks since Andrew died.
Betsy said it would help if he could say it out loud.
He didn’t care, didn’t believe it either. He saw him every day, just not the right version.
All he needed to do was make it off the roof and he’d see the right one again. His version. His Andrew.
“Neil, buddy, you okay there?”
Matt asked quietly, so as not to disturb the calm but solemn atmosphere in the room. It was just Dan, Matt, and Allison tonight.
Neil nodded, he was great.
He see his Andrew soon.
“I’m alright, Matt, I’m gonna go grab Kevin though if that's cool, pretty sure this is his favorite type of movie and even if he’s too drunk to care it might…help.”
Matt nodded slowly.
“That’s a good idea, man, he’d probably like it, ten minutes though. I’m calling you after that and if you don’t pick up…”
Neil nodded, he almost wanted to pat his back, be reassuring like he used to be but…the last person he’d touched was Andrew, he didn’t want that to change before he saw him again.
“I get it, ten minutes tops.”
Matt nodded, more confidently this time and Neil grabbed his phone, holding it out to show him he had it and then he was out the door.
Two minutes to get to the roof.
He sat down in their spot, gazing out over the horizon.
“I’ll be there soon, Drew.”
Four minutes to look out at the view.
He turned to not Andrew, he wasn’t here right now but Neil knew he’d still hear him.
“Don’t worry, it’s still you, just my you.”
He thought of everything they could have had here, an apartment where they lived together. Lived.
Neil shook his head, he was low on time.
Two pro contracts, annual reunions with the rest of the foxes, maybe a cat or two. Andrew would like cats, Neil thought.
He stood, his toes hanging over the edge
Three minutes to say goodbye to not Andrew and all that could’ve been.
Neil took a deep breath.
One minute to fa-
“Abram”
A tug on his shirt.
Air rushing through his ears, past his face, brushing against his scars in a soft caress.
Landing roughly on the pavement two feet away instead of two hundred.
Landing in a hard and bruising grip, his face pushed forcibly into a soft, familiar neck.
Heavy breathing sawing harshly in and out of the chest he was held against.
A hand cradles the back of his neck, warm and rough, calloused but real .
A soft murmur as a hand tightens on his waist, as another hand begins to card gently through his hair.
A metal clang sounds in the distance as the roof door is thrown open and a gaggle of voices pour out but Neil can’t focus on that, no, all he can focus on is the calm, if somewhat frantic timbre of the voice by his ear.
“Don’t you ever fucking do that again”
The voice is rough with emotion.
Where’s the apathy?
Neil pulls back slightly, not wanting to be too far, and the hands on him hold him close, pressing their foreheads together.
That’s when he sees it.
The everlasting jumble of his thoughts comes to a screeching halt, the sounds in the background fade even further. All of his attention narrows to the hazel eyes staring back at him.
Neils hand comes up, slowly, cautiously until the hand in his hair comes away and presses Neils hand to his cheek.
“I’m here.”
Andrew whispers.
Andrew, Andrew, Andrew, My Andrew, Here
“Abram, I’m here,” The hand on his waist slides up to the back of his neck, Neil sucks in a breath on instinct. “Say it, rabbit.”
“You’re here.”
Andrew presses the faintest kiss to his forehead.
“Again.”
“You’re here.”
Another kiss, this time to his scarred cheek.
“Who’s here, Neil?”
“My Andrew.”
Andrew smirks a little, and isn’t that the most heart stopping thing Neil has seen in weeks?
“As opposed to?” Andrew asks, the hand holding Neils comes up to brush over his cheek.
“The other one.” Neil says, though he doesn’t think he was supposed to, he doesn’t really talk about him for some reason.
He sees why he didn’t when Andrew’s eyes shutter a little and his jaw clenches just a tad more than before. No, he wanted that smirk to stay.
“Who’s the ‘other one’, Neil?” Andrew asks, he looks almost pained as he does.
“Doesn’t matter now.”
Andrew gives him a look like he disagrees.
But it doesn’t matter, not when he’s here. He was gone for so. Gone. Andrew was gone.
He was-
Flames engulfing the gas station, Neil bursting from the car, darting past fire fighters. Restrained, two identical knives glinting in the light, screaming.
“Neil.”
Neil blinks, Andrews hands are cupping his face now.
“You were dead.”
Out loud. He’d never said that out loud before.
“Andrew, you were dead for two weeks. Two. Fucking. Weeks. And I- How are you alive?”
Andrew nods, his eyes calculating as they dart across Neils face.
“Minyard, is he-”
Neil whips around, Andrews hands locked on his arms now and Neil allows it, he never wants him to let go again.
Matt, Dan, and Allison stand at the door to the roof, looks of shock engraved into their faces. Neil know how they feel, emotion is beginning to worm its way in and he knows sooner than later a tidal wave of too fucking much is going to rock him, he just needs to make sure this is real first.
Kevin, Nicky, and Renee stand on the other side of the door, watching them all.
Renee is grinning a, albeit small, but there smile.
Nicky has small tears of joy rolling down his face.
Kevin’s latest bottle is in pieces at his feet, his eyes wide and his hands shaking.
Wymack, Bets, Abby, and Katelyn are there too, watching in awe but only Wymack is attempting to take control of the situation.
Then there's Aaron.
Tears in his eyes and shock on his pale face, Neil hasn’t actually looked at him in weeks. He looks like shit, to put it lightly. His cheeks are sunken, his eyes are bloodshot, from lack of sleep or from crying. Neils not sure, but he’s willing to bet both. His body is shaking and Katelyn is rubbing his arm in comfort as they both watch the scene unfold.
Andrew turns to Wymack, Wymack meets his eyes, his skin ashen as if he’d seen a ghost.
Well…
Neil looks back at Andrew.
Aren’t they seeing one?
“He’s fine. I grabbed him before-”
Andrew's eyes dart back to his and Neil watches a flash of pain go through them before he can stop it.
The pain in them is so deep and monumental it makes Neil wonder what he himself must look like, what he’s looked like the past two weeks.
Neil moves the hand that had been hovering since Andrew turned to Andrew’s arm. Waiting for him to lean into it before he held on.
“You want the story, we’ll do it in the dorms. We’re getting the fuck off this roof.”
Though Andrew’s words are directed at the group, his eyes stay on Neil.
“Okay, alright, all ya pains in my ass get to their dorm. And you two,” Coach turns back to them as the others begin to file down the stairs, Katelyn having to tug Aaron into motion as his eyes stay glued to his twin. “If you’re not down there in two minutes I will drag your five foot nothing asses myself.”
With that he turned and followed Katelyn and Aaron down the stairs.
For a moment they simply looked at one another.
Neil’s gaze moved over Andrew’s uncharred face. His hand hovering over each inch as he checked for injuries, burns, wounds of any kind.
“Neil, Junkie,” Andrew grabbed his hands, softer than he’d ever been with Neil. “I’m okay, I’m not hurt.”
“Then why were your knives there? Your keys? You never take those off, Andrew, but I saw them just sitting there.”
“You went to the gas station?”
Neil scoffed.
“You weren’t answering your phone and when I finally got a call back it was a fire chief saying you’d burned in a fire. What the fuck else would I have done?”
Andrew nodded, his eyes still taking in every detail of Neils face. Neil hadn’t looked in the mirror since the morning of, but he knew it couldn't be great if the way Andrew’s jaw seemed to clench tighter with every second was anything to go by.
“Is that all they told you?”
Neil paused for a moment, that first day is nothing but a blur of pain and aches. He knew his mind wasn’t all there during it but the sheer number of details he lacked of that day after the knives was a tad disconcerting. Though, in all fairness, the last two weeks hadn’t exactly been his best mental health days all things considered.
“There was a shootout?”
That was the only other thing he remembered from that phone call.
Andrew nodded.
“More like a drive by. Only this drive-by was accompanied with shattered windows and molotov cocktails.”
“And your knives?”
“Started to pull them out, guy pulled a gun and told me to take them off, so I dropped them, then they pushed another guy and I inside and threw another molotov. It was overkill by that point since the place was already lighting up.”
“I don’t get it, you’ve been gone for two weeks.”
“I’m getting there.” Andrew pressed another kiss to his head and let out a deep breath.
“The place lit up fast and the other guy tried to hold me down. Guess he didn’t want to go out alone,” A stirring up anger reared in Neils chest. “Got away from him and followed the clerk girl out the back door, FBI was there when we got out.”
“FBI?”
Neil's voice shook slightly, had he gotten Andrew into this? Was this whole fucking thing because of the Moriyamas?
“You’re thinking too loud. This isn’t a you thing.”
“Andrew if the Moriyama’s are apa-”
“They aren’t.”
Neil closed his mouth at a loss.
“The FBI took my phone and the girls, threw them out of the car as we left. I could hear sirens sounding already but they wouldn’t have seen us but the time they got there. Apparently,” Andrew spit the word out and Neil could see the festering rage he was holding in. Even still his hands were exceedingly gentle where rubbed Neils arm, almost absentmindedly. “The guys who did the drive-by were gang affiliated, and the guy who got pushed in with me was a part of a rival gang. They thought I was with him or maybe they didn’t care if there was collateral damage.”
Neil scowled at insinuation there. He sighed and shook his head, suddenly feeling exhausted from everything that had happened. The crash was coming, he could feel creeping up on his faster and faster as the minutes wore on.
“And they couldn’t tell us you were fine, why?”
“The fuckers said they’d make it public knowledge that witnesses were being held for questioning until further notice. Of fucking course they lied.”
“For two weeks though? Its not like you had much information.”
Andrew shrugged.
“The gangs are affiliated with some large drug rings in the area, they wanted to be thorough and ‘make sure they had everything they needed before they released us’.” Andrew did annoyed air quotes as he spoke but then his hands were right back on Neil.
“If I had known-”
Andrew locked his gaze to Neils.
“Neil, if I had realized they didn’t intend to tell you, they could not have kept me there.”
Neil nodded. He knew. Andrew would have moved hell and earth to make sure Neil knew.
He didn’t know though. Now they both suffered the consequences of the incompetent FBIs negligence.
Andrews hands slid carefully down Neils arms. His breath shaking in his chest.
“They said this wasn’t the first time.”
There was a question hidden in those words and Neil was reluctant to answer it.
“My head wasn’t on right.”
“Is it ever?”
Neil huffed a laugh, it felt foreign after the weeks he’d gone without.
“Will you show me?”
Neil nodded slowly, it still didn’t look good, not that he’d seen much of it or even tried to take care of it, only Abby had done any upkeep.
“Later.”
Andrew met his eyes, “Okay. Let’s go down before Coach makes good on his promise.”
Andrew stood, his hands leaving Neils skin for a second that felt like an hour before he moved them to capture Neils own, hauling him up to standing.
He watched closely as Neil made sure his legs were steady enough to make it back down the stairs. When he was certain he could get to the dorm without collapsing under weight of everything his mind was throwing at him, rot, charred skin, hazle eyes closi- Andrew grabbed his hand.
“Stay with me.”
“Always.”