Dan Heng’s Mom (Has Got It Going On)

by catchandelier

Summary:

Dan Feng probably needed a mom; this is my version of how Dan Heng actually got one. A story in the form of a list.

AKA

We’re springing Dan Heng from jail with this one boys!

• The facts as we know them are thus:
  • Dan Heng needs a Mom; or really, Dan Feng needed a mom, but Vidiyadhara don’t have moms, until they get aggressively adopted
    • this is my Honkai Roman Empire
  • at some point, Dan Heng went from ‘locked up in the bowels of a horrifying jail’ to ‘reasonably well-adjusted young man with a big ol’ guandao’
    • Jing Yuan would never be allowed to raise Dan Heng, both for political reasons, and for Jing Yuan gives ‘Weird Uncle’ reasons
    • man’s barely raised a sword maniac into somehting like responsible teenager, he’s a weird uncle for sure
  • ‘Cold Dragon Young’ should be a brick joke boomerang that gets funny by way of whirling back around and out of Dan Heng’s mom’s mouth
    • ”how was Penacony”
    • ”Fine” 
    • ”So… Cold Dragon Young?”
    • and Dan Heng goes BRIGHT red
    • that should be canon goddammit
• and now we’re ready to cook

 

• to begin at the beginning, the Realm Keeping Commission stuck in my tar pit brain for some goddamn reason and I got to thinking
  • “What does the Realm Keeping Commission actually do?” Like, what is the main portion of their manpower and funding geared towards?
    • i guess part of the reason the RKC stuck out to me is that the other departments of the Xianzhou Luofu have really specific purposes— there’s the Foxian-and-assistants Steering The Ship, Jing Yuan who is Scheming as his professional hobby and also moving troops around or whatever, those sick fucks in the Alchemy department, aaaaaaand uuuuuh i think there’s some other people OH RIGHT THE DIVINATION PEOPLE
    • plus also the civilians living their lives making food and whatnot re: Aurum Alley
      • put a pin in that
• so how would I fit the RKC in there: because it’s very obvious that the little office you do all those side quests in isn’t really… okay listen
  • the RKC isn’t police; but they aren’t not police— and they aren’t civil bureaucrats, but they’re definitely doing so much paperwork it doesn’t make a difference
    • it’s called a Chancery and is clearly a local district office
      • which is interesting
      • why am I like this
• So why do they have what looks like a dinky little two room office cram-packed with workers and that’s all you get about them in game… unless
  • aside from ACAB
    • ACAB
      • ACAB!
• well, obviously the RKC sorta got piled up with all the stuff the other, cooler parts of the ship don’t wanna do, like make sure people don’t defraud the government and licensing fees and whatnot
  • but, again: What does the Realm Keeping Commission actually do?

 

• Here’s a different but related question: where does the Luofu’s food come from, and who is in charge of it?

 

• so to answer my double asked question: the RKC is actually in charge of all food production on a given Xianzhou ship. Thus making, by default, each Realm Keeper, or in modern terms, each Commissioner, one of the I think charioteers?
  • A five star; about as useful as Jing yuan, if we’re being technical
    • put a pin in that too
• it made sense to me, and that’s what matters; but also, like. It’s part of the Xianzhou’s general backstory that becoming immortal megafucked their way of life in some important ways
• Xianzhou Natives generally don’t actually die unless they are killed… but idk if starving to death counts as ‘killed’. I would humbly bet: it doesn’t
  • there’s a lot of horror in the H:SR world, and Xianzhou Natives not dying of starvation, even when they should and would like to, fits right in
  • thus: I think the RKC is actually one of the oldest parts of Xianzhou government— which is why it has so many extra, tacked on functions
    • as for why this never gets explained in game: for one, I pulled that straight off the dome; for two, in a game all about collecting husbandos and waifus, how many paying publics would care about the logistics of food production for immortals?
    • luckily, this is fanfic and nobody pays for it

 

• First things first: Xianzhou, and by proxy, Luofu, is a version of Fantasy China
  • thus, using chinese naming conventions is best, and also suits the story
    • Anyway her name is Wu Su
    • meaning “lacking respect”, or near enough
      • Put a pin in that too
• Her formal title is ‘Madam’ the same way ‘General’ is Jing Yuan’s

 

• right cool okay let’s DISCUSS HER DEETS
  • She uses the ‘chubby’ model of sprite but with more TLC to make her Honkai Pretty; she’s supposed to be read as Fat. Not chubby, not chunky, outright Fat
• if the models could support plus sizes, she’d be plus size
  • as with all the Really Powerful individuals in the Xianzhou, she’s an Emanator in terms of actual power level, that’s why her fighting stats below are so Wild
• if she has to go off and do Emanator Things Specifically, she’d probably end up being called something like
  • Aunt Wu; because only Dan Heng has permission to call her ‘Mom’
    • put a pin in THAT

 

• Big thing: her HP is Significantly higher than most of her other stats like it’s not even funny, even before relics get involved
• ATK, DEF, SPD, CRIT Rate, and CRIT DMG are all whatever; but her Super High HP is Important
• Element is Imaginary; Path is Harmony
  • technically, what she does is apply buffs to allies
    • actually, what she does is apply a big meaty shield to your HP that act likes temp HP but will also heal you of damage and make the shield smaller
      • my friend who i talked this through with one cold spring day while our third bff walked a dog in the snow had a better way of explaining it but I’m here for vibes not mechanics

 

• Basic ATK: Denied
  • [single target][toughness reduction: 10]
  • deals minor IMG DMG to a single target enemy
    • bonus effect: [healthy appetite] add 3% CRIT Rate for every point over Wu Su’s total HP.
• Skill: [Mm, Snacktime]
  • Skill point cost 1
  • applies Shield on a single ally. This does not end turn.
    • bonus effect: [Manners Matter] when using skill, apply 1 [Rude!] token. Tokens stack up to 5 times. Tokens are removed when Shield is broken or fades.
    • bonus effect: [relax and enjoy it] the duration of the Shield is reduced by every point of hp missing from maximum, up to 15%.
    • bonus effect {from full skill tree}: [late lunch] if applied to ally at or below 10% HP, or with damaging debuffs, Counter effects all enemies.
• Talent: [Rude!]
  • after a Shielded ally is attacked by an enemy, Wu Su immediately launches a Counter against the attacker, dealing minor Imaginary DMG, and Marking enemy. When any ally target’s attack hits a marked enemy, Wu Su immediately launches Follow-up ATK, dealing minor Imaginary DMG to all marked enemies.
    • Bonus effect: [Red Tape Deviltry] at the end of each round of combat, Wu Su launches a Follow-up ATK, dealing minor Imaginary DMG to all marked enemies.
    • Bonus Effect: [price of politeness] every time talent is triggered, all [Rude!] tokens increase character’s CRIT DMG by 5%.
• Technique: [Let’s Eat!]
  • [defense] after this character uses Technique, all allies gain a Shield at the start of the next battle. Can stack five times.
• Ultimate: [Bloodlust Feast][AoE] energy cost: High; toughness reduction: High
  • Deals massive Imaginary DMG to all enemies, and fills all allies Energy pool up to 75% if enemies are not killed. All enemies killed are equal to refilled allied energy pools, with Wu Su’s energy last in priority. If more than four enemies are killed, refill skill points. If skill points are full when this ultimate is used, gain 5 Lunch Tokens, which can offset Wu Su’s consumption of skill points. Consuming Lunch Tokens is considered equivalent to consuming skill points.

 

• What should be clear enough from all this is: Wu Su is a monster
• a hungry, hungry monster
• keep feeding her enemies, make sure she has snacks, and baby, she’ll tear. It. UP!
• it would be very easy to point at her and say ‘stereotype’ but as someone who actually is fat and I do eat like five times a day when I’m at work: girl is living her life right and I won’t hear a word against her

 

• In terms of what does she actually look like
  • powerful hardworking single mom energy; tang dynasty style, but make it HSR; and when she eventually does change for an Event or what have you, she wears Saree and is So, So Hot
    • this is non-negotiable and I will not be taking notes
  • Wu Su is Fucking Hot
• Wu Su has the appearance of a tall woman with a dark complexion. There are red dots on either side of her mouth, and a larger red dot marking her forehead. Her hair is tied up in a bun, and is decorated with a shell-covering in the shape of a lotus.
  • In flashbacks, her hair is in the Shuāng yāji style— double buns with low hair loops. The buns are placed high on her head, and decorated with red ribbons. The loops of hair hang down on either side, around each ear. She doesn’t have a dot on her forehead yet.
• Her clothing consists of a Realm Keeping Commission uniform but Fancier, because she’s the Commissioner.
  • her boots are more detailed
  • her black tights have a similar golden design as in the male uniform, but they go all the way up her leg and evoke tiger stripes
  • her white under-robe has a much wider golden edge, and better movement physics. Her overskirt and bolero both evoke Tang Dynasty hanfu
  • her female uniform belt with strap has a large pouch on the side, and a gourd tied in back. A jade token hangs from her other hip.
  • she honestly looks like a much fancier version of a basic Realm Keeping Commission NPC, with enough details to make her HSR Character
    • it’s important to note that absolutely none of her clothing quite imply ‘armor’ the way some other characters would
  • a necklace of maybe five strands of fine jade beads, with a big jade-and-gold pendant at the bottom
  • earrings that remind of Howl’s from Howl’s Moving Castle
• Might as well just write this direct off the wiki I keep in my brain
  • The Commissioner of the Xianzhou Luofu’s Realm Keeping Commission and a cheerful, friendly bureaucrat.
  • If Madam Wu is second among the righteous of the Luofu, who would dare claim to be first? She is in charge of all food production and distribution on the Luofu, after all, and also all import and export of food and foodstuff, and many more things besides— alchemists may create and refine the medicine, but the Realm Keepers actually produce it in volumes fit for supplying their soldiers, for example— and so, it is well understood that no one knows more about the law and it’s keeping than her. Not even a Judge of the Ten Lords.
  • Her diligence, care, and depth of knowledge has helped maintain the peace of the Luofu, and promoted a better standard of living across the entire Xianzhou. Many famines and plagues have been killed to death at her command; with her gentle, sweet-tempered demeanor and pristine manners earning the respect of everyone she meets.
  • She also raised Dan Heng.

 

• Character Story
  • Part 1
  • “I suppose I just want clarification: is Dan Heng actually Dan Feng, or an entirely new person? Because if he is actually Dan Feng, he is guilty of the highest crime on the Xianzhou, and must be executed immediately. If he is not Dan Feng, his current detention in the Shackling Prison is unlawful, and cannot continue.”
    • something something lots of arguing here from the Vidyadhara council that’s now in power cuz Dan Feng got Dan Done
  • ”I can see that you all have a lot to talk about concerning this issue! Here is my concern: until this matter is resolved, in one or the other way I have laid out, I can authorize no delivery of food to the Shackling Prison, or to any part of the Xianzhou currently under jurisdiction of the Ten Lords.”
  • this works out to almost the entire Vidyadhara nation-state-people because Dan Done did that while being In Charge of his people, sorta kinda
    • there are Consequences for shoving your big dragon boy in a cage: and this is just one of them
  • The outcry and protest get Even More Even More-ing; Madam Fu and Madam Yukong and Jing Yuan were not expecting Commissioner Wu Su to do this. Well, Madam Fu was, but not quite like that.
    • Madam Wu Smiles
      • the peony blossom bun shell on her head glitters in the light
  • ”I do understand the severity of this situation! Just as you understand the severity of my dilemma, I trust? After all, if Dan Heng is culpable for Dan Feng’s crimes, so too is every other Vidyahara for their past life’s mistakes, debts, (and so on)” and her eyes glittered like a wild animals. A hungry wild animal. Someone, somewhere, felt as if a Tiger was hunting them in the trees. “And of course, if he is not culpable for his past-life’s crimes, I must see his detention corrected before any other business can be undertaken with regards to our Ten Lords. To do otherwise is a gross dereliction of my duty!”
  • unfortunately, she is 100% correct
    • equally unfortunately—
  • “Madam Wu, I cannot allow this for more than ten days”
  • ”General Jing Yuan, they will make a decision in three; with seven at the absolute maximum.”
  • ”How can you be so sure”
  • ”Ah, I suppose it must not be common knowledge— the Vidyaharan new year celebration requires the consumption of all food in a household within the final month, and new food must be purchased within the week of the new year. To do otherwise breaks an ancient tradition. With Dan Feng’s passing, the Vidyaharans have leaned heavily into their traditions; and, though the council has a great deal of power over the Vidyaharan people, it is only because the people themselves consent to their having it.”
  • ”—The new year isn’t for thirty days”
  • ”Our new year isn’t for thirty days. The Vidyaharan new year is next week. And, if my calculations are correct, more than half of all the Vidyaharans will have almost cleaned out their larders by midnight tonight.”
  • Wu Su smiles again; and this time, Jing Yuan can See It
  • he can see her scheme going off perfectly
  • Jing Yuan smiled despite wanting to say words that would’ve gotten his mouth washed out not too long ago. Military discipline do be like that.
  • ”and do the Foxians have their own new year too?”
  • ”They do; and it was last week.”
  • ”Hm.”
    • three days later
  • “I am so glad you’re approaching this issue with all the seriousness it deserves! I, however, cannot possibly make a decision concerning the ultimate fate of a Vidyahara; as I am not a Vidyahara. It is… inappropriate.”
    • Madam Wu eats another probably grape, might be some meat
      • the Vidyahara council is Feeling the Pinch now
  • “And what will happen to the— prisoner,” one Vidyaharan Councilor burst out. “Where will they be placed?”
  • ”Oh, that I could not possibly say, as no decision has been made to the legality— and precedent-creating reality— of his current situation,”
    • the council devolves into arguing over who has to take him
  • Jing Yuan cannot take him, for Politics Reasons
    • bad optics
      • to that end, None of the higher-ranked officials— Madam Yukong, Madam Fu Xuan, Madam Dan Shi, etc, can take him
  • by all accounts, Wu Su has never wanted a family; and has never particularly liked children- it’s a known fact about her
  • The Council Leader, who hates Wu Su now, has an idea for Vengeance
    • there is a great deal of argument and discussion anyway
    • Being a council in truth and not advisors with a figurehead… and a Tiger at the door…
      • with great power comes great problems
        • Not every issue can be settled by committee
  • So: Dan Heng is, legally, Dan Heng. To charge him with Dan Feng’s crimes opens up literally every other Vidyahara in the fleet to being charged with the crimes of their past lives.
    • And oh how Madam Wu smiled at that thought.
      • smiled with Teeth; which she otherwise doesn’t do
        • very noticeable trait
        • teeth are for intimidation, not joy
  • The only way to spring him from jail, however, is if someone in good standing, with an Impeccable, Glowing record of service and righteousness, agrees to his care
    • like fostering but with the aim of Correcting his Behavior
  • That’s how Wu Su maneuvered Dan Heng out of jail and got the permanent goodwill of Jing Yuan. That’s also how the rest of the Luofu’s law-council learned what kind of hunter their RK Commissioner is— which is to say: a trapper
    • she doesn’t chase anyone down, and she doesn’t use overwhelming force
    • she lets her prey walk into the danger she made, just for them; and until she gets what she wants, she’s content to wait and watch them
      • squirm
  • oh yeah, and Dan Heng at this time is on the baby end of baby. Not quite newborn, but young enough he can’t really talk or put his tail away
  • wants to nuzzle into the warm spot and doesn’t have teeth yet
    • he’s BABY
      • they put a BABY in JAIL, WHAT THE FUCK

 

• Part 2
  • Madam Wu’s collection of Correctional Guides for Dan Heng spanned all manner of subjects, from wearing clothes to controlling his behavior.
    • they’re actually collections of all the best places to eat given a category; recipes for things that taste so, so good, but cost too much to buy rather than make at home
    • this does mean there’s a whole section in the Trailblazer Archives about how to decorate a small space for good feng shui; and yes, part of the bedroom update for Your Trashy Panda Friend involves updating Dan Heng’s bedroom too
    • he can sleep in a tiny cell full of books
    • but he better have a rug under his bedroll and a lamp with low table or SO HELP HIM
    • HIS MOM DID NOT RAISE HIM TO LIVE WITHOUT SOME SELF RESPECT
  • ”I would never take Dan Heng to an amusement park for something so useless as fun! The study of roller coasters and various midway games is useful for his understanding of physics and statistics,”
    • Jing Yuen, along with Wu Su checking to make sure that the restaurant that was good a few hundred years ago is still good, raises an eyebrow, and slurps a cold noodle.
      • the peony blossoms on their table and out the window make the air feel rich
  • ”that’s what you’re going to have to say if anyone asks. Like coming out to eat with me certainly is not enjoying a meal with a friend, it’s—”
  • ”ascertaining the current standards of food in the Luofu, I see. I suppose I could call it examining the current standard of relaxation, amusement, and leisure in the Luofu, to see if it’s still any good…?”
  • ”Now you’re getting it! —mm, that looks good, what did you get again?”
  • ”Five-Flame noodles with cloud-venison,” sluuuurp.
  • ”mm, I think I’m gonna— Boss! Make me an order of Five-Flame Noodles with Cloud-Venison!”
    • Sluuuuurp.
      • peonies everywhere
        • this is important
  • Jing Yuen ends up going for lunch with Wu Su like… once every week or so? Which doesn’t feel too often; but is also often enough that it’s a rumor that they’re courting
    • put a pin in that
  • but yeah her whole thing is: she makes lists of all the amusements, parks, Historical Locations, Tourist Traps, art galleries and museums, and on and on and on
    • and she takes Dan Heng to them
    • which means, hilariously, Dan Heng has the most ordinary-ish childhood out of everyone in the Trailblazers and Stellaron Hunters
    • he’s also just, y’know
    • Like That
  • and occasionally, to really make it clear that this is For His Own Good, she’ll nab Qingque out of the Divination office and take her along for a Diviner’s View on the Subject
    • Qingque has tried to transfer to Madam Wu’s office many, many times
    • Fu Xuan won’t let her do it
    • Qingque would like it if her job was sometimes ‘go to this amusement park and take a detailed and vigorous survey of every single attraction that looks fun’
    • that’d be cool
  • Jing Yuan firmly and indelibly is not beating the weird uncle allegations
    • because he also skips out on work to go relax when his government mandated go relax time comes up, instead of giving it up and getting paid more money he doesn’t quite need

 

• Part 3
  • For a long time, one of the hottest pieces of gossip, after Jing Yuan was General of the Luofu for a few centuries
  • contended that not only had Jing Yuan’s family served the Realm-Keeping Commission for generations
    • Jing Yuan was engaged to Wu Su!
      • And had left her at the altar to join the Cloud Knights!
  • this is actually untrue; they weren’t even really dating
    • just uh, making out
      • constantly
        • basically glued to each other at the mouth
    • both got really good grades anyway
  • it is true that Wu Su and Jing Yuan met as children; because what’s true is simply
    • Wu Su’s soul was once named Susan
    • and Susan was akin to a dewdrop on a different leaf on a different tree in the forest where the Tree of Reality grows
    • perhaps a peony bush grown to enormous proportions, who’s to say for sure
  • Wu Su, who once was Susan, woke to Consciousness in a grand agrarian delve; her father was polluting the dirt they’d buried him in, and her mother had abandoned her in the wheat
  • Jing Yuan, on a take-your-child-to-work trip, found her
    • he found her under a peony bush
      • peonies~!
  • Wu Su said as much to the Jing Parent; and later, to the Realm Keeping Official taking notes on her case
  • Wu Su also said: I don’t know her name, but… I don’t think she’ll come for me. She abandoned me in a wheat field. I think there are better ways to get rid of children you don’t want; and I don’t think leaving them in wheat fields to die is one of them.
    • Several years after that
  • there’s two kinds of students at the academy— the ones with families, who go home at the end of the day; and the ones without, who inevitably join the Cloud Knights to escape from one prison to another. In a bizarre twist of fate, Jing Yuan joined the Cloud Knights, against his family’s wishes; and Wu Su, who was his friend and sloppy makeout partner all through their school years, joined the Realm-Keeping Commission.
  • Her years as a low level bureaucrat are recorded in case files mostly consisting of murders, civil disputes, and tax fraud records.
  • After ferreting out several crypto-cells of Sanctus Medicus, revamping the Xianzhou’s food production methods to create more food with less work, and shutting down several notorious amusement parks and suchlike due to overexploitation— among many other righteous deeds that, nevertheless, aren’t particularly noteworthy for having been done, and indeed would’ve been noted only if they weren’t done: Wu Su was appointed to a position of importance in the RKC.
  • Her tenacity, patience, and particular skill for setting up traps and snares had repeatedly given her superiors unforgettable results. In the end, Wu Su was invited by the previous Commissioner to join his team, and eventually, to succeed him.
  • Wu Su became the youngest Commissioner in Xianzhou history. To essentially no renown.

 

• Part 4
  • there is no glory in farming, and no renown in being a mere Commissioner of the Realm. But, you can raise a child on that work; a good, righteous child.
  • it is an act of heroism, when done properly
    • properly
      • properly!
  • to raise a child
    • the effort required is almost as much required to create a legend of Xianzhou history
      • and people do it every single day, and there’s no songs or stories about it
    • however, it is not without cost
  • there was a time when Jing Yuen and Wu Su sought each other ought every day after school, and studied together, and sparred with staves and polearms, and were in all ways matched together like teal and vermillion
  • if a kiss is shared under falling peony blossoms and then the boy goes off to war and the girl to her farm work… and no more is said on the matter… does it even matter?
    • well
      • yes; or what’s the point of making all that food for soldiers and going off to war?
  • there’s definitely a super pornographic sex-pollen and also scheming against the new general thing that Wu Su helped him with by fucking the pollen out of him
    • could also be a pregnancy side plot while Dan Heng is Smol
    • could also also be a thing with Yanqing because there’s deff moments when Jing Yuan’s like “oh no what am I doing” so Wu Su can be all like “your best, like the rest of us”
      • peonies and roses now! Peonies, roses, and lotus blossoms! —oh, that’s a good name for a chapter-vignette
  • the five heroes of the High-Cloud Quintet were reduced, over time, to a boy that became his own man; a madwoman with a sword; an undying man with an unreasonable grudge; and an old, tired general
    • Which is to say
  • after a bit of conversation about food, Jing Yuan says something to the effect of “I’m… tired, Madam Wu”
  • ”General— Jing Yuan, we… we don’t have to go out tonight. We can go to my house, or yours, or— or, um, if I’ve been taking up… too much of your time—”
  • ”That’s not it,”
    • and he doesn’t know what to say, so he says what he’s wanted to say for as long as he’s wanted a woman to be a man with
      • ”I’m just… tired”
  • ”…Then you should rest”
  • ”I can’t”
  • ”why not?”
  • ”when I’m not with you, my rest is restless. My heart is full of sadness; my food is without flavor.”
  • “I see. Well. If you continue to call me ‘Madam Wu’ going forwards from now, I will not respond. My name is Su. —how do you feel about berrypheasant and rice?”
  • ”That sounds good,”
    • he said, with a small but growing smile
    • like a blooming flower
      • like perhaps a— no, no, I shan’t say
  • ”I’ve got some at my house I’ve been meaning to cook; but I’ve been putting it off because there’s too much for me alone to eat”
  • “I’ll help with that, if you’d like.”
  • ”Would you?”
  • ”I would.”
    • yeah they’re married a semi-reasonable amount of time later
    • Fu Xuan found an auspicious date for them— actually, Qingque did, after Fu Xuan made her; and it’s finally time to discuss Wu Su’s subordinates so hang on to your butts
      • Dan Heng wins a longstanding bet with his, ugh, siblings
      • Yanqing and the other one that Jing Yuan and Wu Su had together without actually being married
  • they’ve more or less done this entire thing backwards
    • they’ve been courting for years and jumped to raising children together before they ever managed to do more than kiss a little bit
    • okay fine not a lot of studying happened in those study rooms as it happens but they got good grades anyway

 

• Wu Su has three retainers (and one daughter) because the other important thing to know about her is she’s Heavily Villain Coded
  • Kaifeng [Warm Wind]; a gentle and pleasant adjunct
  • Jiming [Bright Sky]; a clarifying and enlightening force
  • Baolu [Beautiful Jade]; a beautiful and valuable retainer; Wu Su’s equivalent to Yanqing or Yunli; excellent swordsmanship and is about the same age as the two of them
  • Minde [Clever Virtue] — of an age to Bailu and Hook; she’s BABY; and she’s been Baby for as long as Dan Heng can remember cuz she’s quite young by Xianzhou Native standards don’t worry about it
• okay so let’s talk about em
  • Kaifeng; Wind/Erudition
  • every hit procs a follow-up, and every follow-up builds up a meter
  • if you ult while the meter is maxed, it does double/triple/four-times damage
  • she’s Really Really Good at getting difficult cases through complicated paperwork
  • Wu Su’s main secretary and the one who’s been serving with her the longest
    • she actually plans the wedding with the Trailblazer and Dan Heng, and this is ABSOLUTELY a big ol’ management sim side game
    • Jing Yuan has been trying to poach this woman for his own office for CENTURIES
• Jiming; Ice/Nihility
  • tea based combat; it’s a big ol’ teapot grenade launcher
    • Alice: Madness Returns
  • she got kicked out of that commission that builds cool robots for turning weapons into toys and toys into weapons
  • she can’t stop thinking is the issue; but she can stay where she’s safe
  • Genius Society potential; regular-ass person ambition
  • Skill loads ‘Fancy Tea’ into her pot, which increases the types of debuffs she can apply; basic attack fires Tea at enemies and gives them 1-5 different debuffs plus medium ice damage
  • Ult— uuuuh every enemy gets all the debuffs loaded into the teapot, plus the ice damage
    • oh of course one of them is deff Bleed but you gotta work for that
• Baolu; Fire/Remembrance
  • Summons a monkey-like Data Sprite; does quickly cumulative damage against toughness while sprite is out, skill becomes jade abacus-based to heal sprite
  • very distinctive sword: Changdao
    • almost never draws it; ended up sitting on Yunli when she tried to take it
    • totally pretzeled that girl
    • but like, gently
    • Yanqing also has never actually managed to get a good spar from Baolu— not because she’s unwilling, but because Something Always Happens
  • Sun Wukong coded; stone monkey
  • notable for her absolutely insane endurance and encyclopedic knowledge of The Xianzhou Code of Law
  • there is no door she can’t figure out a way to get past
• Minde; Imaginary/Erudition
  • yeah idk how this one works
  • she’s like Hook but she’s more suited for AoE attacks; does imaginary damage
  • has golden eyes like Jing Yuan
  • baby tiger is Very Strong

 

• The only other thing of note is that Wu Su hard counters Jingliu and also I think Blade and in story removed all the bones of her sword arm until she stopped attacking Dan Heng and herself on sight
• i don’t care if that’s not how it goes, that’s how I imagine her in my head
• maybe she also Beat Blade Senseless a few times? Idk
• my point is: Wu Su is a MONSTER
• She’ll kill them both dead and live the consequences
• they won’t live any consequences
• they’ll be dead

 

• Anyway: Wu Su is Dan Heng’s mom. And when the endgame comes and that jade token gets used, Dan Heng finally says it— because yeah, Vidyahara don’t have moms and all, but Dan Heng does. Her name is Wu Su. She’s big and fat and hugs like she never learned how, and her baby boy needs her.
• Cue the Harmony/Hunt rainbow bridge to one hell of a fight
• wait shit would them being married make Jing Yuan effectively Dan Heng’s weird stepdad?
• Jing Yuan is exactly the kind of guy to make bizarre and cryptic dad jokes
• or insist that all pets have vowels at the ends of their names so you can shout with your whole chest when they’re trying to eat a pinecone again
• or get Really Invested in how fresh mantou are to be eaten, to the enduring despair of the children around him
• And that’s it that’s all I got.