Chapter Text
It was a strange sight indeed to see James Potter and Sirius Black sitting quietly in the library.
The two Gryffindors were infamous for their wild pranks and charmingly loud personalities. In fact, when they first entered the room that bright Saturday morning, many students made a hasty exit, determined to avoid whatever tomfoolery was bound to occur. There were very few people that were truly safe from the pair’s mischief and it was too early in the school year to experience those particular antics. However, the people with less common sense who remained were shocked to witness the duo simply take their seats at an empty table and pull out their textbooks, whispering quietly to one another. The previously silent library suddenly became awash with speculations as to the reasons behind this odd behavior.
“Maybe they’re sick,” a second year Hufflepuff suggested, voice barely above a whisper, worried that even mentioning the Gryffindors would start the chaos.
“They’re probably planning something really big,” a fourth year Slytherin muttered, sending a wave of horror through her friend group. They didn’t even want to imagine what kind of prank would have the two sixth year Gryffindors, notorious for avoiding school work like the plague, acting so studious and focused.
If anyone had been close enough to hear the topic of whispered discussion between the two boys, they would have fallen out of their chairs and likely taken them both promptly to the hospital wing.
“Prongs, if you are trying to tell me that my baby cousin can even hold a candle to the single hottest wizard that this school has ever seen, I will commit you to the Janus Thickey Ward at St. Mungos, you blind cretin,” Sirius declared dramatically. His voice would have been too loud for the library had it not been for the spell muffling their conversation from nosy eavesdroppers.
James chuckled. “I may be the one wearing glasses, but I regret to inform you, Padfoot, that you’re the one with atrocious vision. Your ‘baby cousin’ is absolute perfection . The rest of us lowly creatures are lucky just to bask in the blinding beauty that is Regulus Black.”
Sirius slugged James in the shoulder hard. “Nice alliteration, you numpty. I always suspected that you only had one brain cell, and here’s confirmation. How could you prefer Reggie over Remus Lupin, a god that walks among us mortals? He’s probably descended from Merlin himself; he’s the most intelligent and gifted wizard in this entire school! Top of every class he’s in!”
“I pity you and your terrible taste in men. I’m not saying that Lupin isn’t attractive, but the only reason that you don’t want Regulus is because you two are cousins.” James crossed his arms, scowling playfully at his best mate.
“Oh yes, Prongs,” Sirius rolled his eyes. “Because the Black family isn’t well-known for their proclivity towards incestual marriages and inbreeding. However, any sane person would want to jump Remus’ bones - which explains your disinterest because you are obviously insane.”
James sighed deeply. “Let’s just agree to disagree. It’s not like I want you to be into Regulus anyway.”
Sirius gave a slightly disgusted frown. “Yeah, I would hate to compete with you for Remus’ affections - your ego would never recover from the thrashing you would receive.”
James chuckled again, gaze transferring from Sirius to the table on the other side of the main area of the library . Regulus, the unrequited love of his life, sat beside Lupin, heads tucked in close as they murmured back and forth. Probably debating the upcoming potions exam , James thought fondly, knowing how school-focused the two Ravenclaws were.
He had been borderline obsessed with Regulus Black for as long as he could remember. He had met Sirius on the train to Hogwarts as a tiny first year and the two had been inseparable ever since. Sirius was the youngest of four children, with three older sisters - Narcissa, Andromeda and Bellatrix - and was raised by Druella and Cygnus Black, who loved him as their male heir but were often absent due to their involvement with the ministry. This left a lot of his raising to his two eldest sisters who were quite a bit older than him. Andromeda had already had a child before Sirius was even a first year and both Sirius and James attended Bellatrix’s wedding over the winter break of their second year. Narcissa was a seventh year currently and often mother-hened the boys while at Hogwarts, despite only being a year older.
Regulus, on the other hand, was the only child of Walburga and Orion Black, whose graves James would one day do a joyful jig on top of. The awful pair had had a severe falling out with Sirius’ parents when Cygnus renounced the self-proclaimed Dark Lord Voldemort’s offer. Walburga, in particular, was fanatical in her subservience to the insane wizard, obsessed with his ideas surrounding the wholesale slaughter of all muggles and muggleborns, completely disregarding all of the research showing how quickly the Wizarding World would fall if the new influx of blood wasn’t introduced to the population. Though the downfall of this dark wizard came many years before Sirius or Regulus were even born, the cousins had never even met prior to the train ride their first year.
James will never forget the sight of Regulus’ small body standing just outside their compartment on the train. Emaciated with dark shadows under his eyes and a handprint bruise peeking out from the cuff of his uniform, Regulus had stared at Sirius with a vacant expression, swaying slightly like a light breeze would be enough to sweep him away. Despite being the same age as Sirius, he looked positively tiny enveloped in his cousin’s arms, more like an eight year old than his supposed eleven years.
Even now, after half a decade under the care of Sirius’ parents when his own fled the country due to allegations of child abuse, Regulus was still the shortest and most delicate looking of all of the sixth year male students. James, who was admittedly bewitched by every single thing about Regulus, adored the differences in their heights as he daydreamed about tucking the Ravenclaw’s head under his chin as they cuddled in front of the fire. The imagined hissy fit that Regulus would throw were he to know of these thoughts made James smile - the boy had definite black cat energy while James was full of eternal optimism and positivity. Opposites attract , thought James cheerfully, intentionally ignoring the fact that Regulus seemed to be completely unaware that James existed outside of being his cousin’s annoying best mate.
Sirius slumped to the side, laying his head on James’ shoulder and throwing his legs over James’ lap, not embarrassed in the slightest to be seen cuddled up with his best mate. Their bond was deep and unquestionable - there was nothing and no one that could keep James from Sirius or Sirius from James. James didn’t even think death itself would be enough to cleave their connection apart. Other students gossiped about how affectionate and codependent the pair was, convinced that something sexual or romantic was behind all of their frequent touches. The boys did nothing to stop these rumors, vastly amused at this unintentional prank that they were pulling on the rest of the school. The truth was much more innocent, yet sad: Sirius, as the child of absentee parents, was touch starved. He craved the closeness and warmth of another body close to his as often as he could get it. James, a generally tactile person, was more than happy to fulfill this need for him, accepting and returning platonic affection with no hesitation.
“It’s hopeless, Prongs.” Sirius muttered, lip poked out slightly in a pout. “He doesn’t even know I exist. He’s probably dating Reggie and we’ll both be pining after those two while they get married and have a bunch of cute nerd babies. They’ll bring the kids to our dysfunctional family reunions and the rugrats will call me ‘Uncle Sirius’!”
James patted Sirius’ knee soothingly, used to the dramatics that came with being the best friend to a member of the Black family. “It’s okay, Padfoot. You’ll always have me and I’ll always have you.” James rested his head on Sirius’ for a brief moment, allowing the despair at never having this intimacy with Regulus to fill him. He then forced a cheerful smile to his lips. “C’mon, let’s go see if the house-elves will make you your favorite soup, hmm?” He ushered Sirius into a standing position and tossed an arm over his shoulders, exiting the library with only a single glance back at the two Ravenclaws. Regulus’ shining grey eyes met his for a single moment, making James’ heart skip a beat. The library doors closed, breaking the connection and James determinedly ignored the subsequent break in his heart.
“This essay may actually kill me,” Regulus groaned, dropping his forehead down on top of the ancient potions text. The book grumbled at him in irritation, fluttering its pages around Regulus’ head like it was contemplating slamming shut on him.
Remus reached over and pet Regulus’ hair like a beloved but exasperating dog. “I don’t know why you try to use obscure references like Golbhard. The man was just above illiterate and I’m not convinced he even made a pepper up potion while he was alive. The more modern texts tend to be more accurate and easier to read.”
Regulus tilted his head so he could give a one-eyed glare up at his best friend. “Just because you’re a troglodyte who prefers children’s limericks over real literature doesn’t mean the rest of us have to sink to your level.” His comment was punctuated by the ‘crack’ of Remus’ hardback novel bouncing off the back of Regulus’ skull. He shot upright, hand flying to his head. “Ow! You monster - you could have given me a concussion!”
Remus resettled into his chair, smug at the sight of Regulus rubbing his wound with an outraged scowl. “Sorry. Guess my caveman brain kicked in for a second - your head is very ‘clubbable’, wouldn’t you agree?”
“I actually would not agree, Lupin.” Regulus remarked. “In fact -” Just as he was about to destroy his best friend’s will to live, his train of thought was derailed by the library doors opening and a god walking in. Well, maybe not a real god, but James Potter was as close as a mortal could get to being an actual deity. He had tousled black hair that gave him a ‘just shagged’ look and stunning hazel eyes that were framed by dark eyelashes. His sleeves were pulled up, revealing toned forearms and muscular thighs that likely came from many hours playing chaser for the Gryffindor team. Regulus’ fingers itched to run though Potter’s hair and down his beautifully tan skin, his heart longing for an intimacy that he would never be allowed.
“You got a bit of drool there, mate,” Remus chuckled, rubbing his knuckle across Regulus' chin to wipe away the imaginary saliva. Regulus batted his friend’s hand away irritably, still sour about the book assault.
“Like you’re any better,” Regulus replied, with a significant look towards the person who was attached to James’ side like a lovable leech. “Make moon eyes at my cousin lately? You stare at him like you want to eat him.”
Remus leaned back in his chair, seemingly unembarrassed by the accusations. “Have you seen your cousin? There isn’t a person in this school that doesn’t want Sirius Black in the filthiest ways.”
Regulus faked a gag. “You’re such a whore, Lupin.”
Remus winked saucily, then turned back to his essay. Regulus, with an eye roll, followed suit.
Several minutes passed by as both Ravenclaws pretended to focus on their respective homework, while sneaking glances over to the far table across the library. The objects of their attention were whispering to each other, heads close enough to cause Regulus’ heart to give a painful lurch. James Potter and Sirius Black’s relationship was common knowledge as the two were constantly touching, hugging and cuddling each other in public. While no verbal confirmation had come from either Gryffindor - and Regulus would know if there was, especially as Sirius’ cousin - there was a general understanding from the student population that both boys were off the market.
“This is killing me,” Remus muttered, face carefully blank as he glanced from the now-cuddling couple to Regulus. Regulus nodded carefully, equally as careful to keep any emotion from showing. He had never wished violent harm on any of his cousins, but seeing Sirius freely touch and cuddle with the handsome Gryffindor while James barely acknowledged Regulus’ existence made him reconsider. Every time James opened his arms for Sirius or accepted snuggles from him, it felt like Regulus’ heart actually broke, as though it truly didn’t understand why Regulus wasn’t the one being embraced by James.
Remus was the only person who knew about Regulus’ unrequited crush on James Potter, and only because they could lament together about the Gryffindor’s coupleness due to Remus’ equal love and pining for Sirius. Lupin and Regulus had been friends since first year though they hadn’t met until the second week of classes due to Regulus’ stay in the hospital wing. . .
Regulus forcefully put a stop to his thoughts, knowing that it only led to the dark days prior to Hogwarts, where it had just been him against the violence and verbal abuse that came from his birth parents. Trying to distract himself from his own mind, he glanced up just in time to catch James Potter’s gaze as he and Sirius exited the library. Pathetically, Regulus imagined that there was longing in those blue eyes before the closing doors broke their connection.
Regulus turned back to Remus just in time to see the heartbreak on the other boy’s face as he too watched Sirius and James leave. It was there for just a split second before it vanished, bottled back up under the surface so no one could see the vulnerability. He allowed himself a brief moment of grief at what could have been, images of him with James and Remus with Sirius, all hanging together, happy and in love. He held onto the image with all his might, and then released it. James was happy with Sirius, and that would just have to be enough for Regulus, to know that the boy who unknowingly held his heart was happy.
He took a deep breath and released it slowly, letting go of the mental images. “C’mon, Lupin.” He said softly. “These essays aren’t going to write themselves.”