Work Header

Sail Away

Work Text:

It was weird being the only dude going to teh miley cirus concert. Seriously. It was weird. Out of how many thousands of these hot sluts he was the only due in the plae! Ma. How many of these were lesobs?

The unending stream of shit rolled through stitches brain as he surveyed the floor. FInally the bing act was on. Miley. This was it. This was his big chance.

She launched in to her hit song “BB Talk”. Boy she was wierd. who cares!

So Stitches stood up on his chair, yelling through the crowd “Molly Cyrus! Molly Cyrus!”. But the cries just washed helplessly across the waves of screams in the crowd.

Fuck this.


Glenn watched as the … clown… that was really the only way to desfribe him… dejectedly got off of his seat and slunk away in the crowd.

“He’s on the move” he spoke into the mic.

This was going to be fun.

— — — — —

This was a dumb idea. Oh well, at least the tickets were free. That was the deal with being a cocaine dealing clown rapper, you got all kinds of perks, even if it didn’t involve “putting your dick in mileys ass”.

So he wandered through the back end of hte stadium as the concert reverberated through. He’d occationally kick over a trash can or scare squads of teen girls.

“HEY” he heard and spun around. There was the biggest biker with the biggest handlebar mustashe ever.

“Who the fuck…” stitches was able to getout before “OOOOFFFF” he was socked in the stomach with a pair of brass knuckles.

Stitches doubled over.

“Hey, clowntown. The pop-star illuminati want to have a word with you.”

— — — — —

“Is he awake?”

“yes, he should be waking up. We dosed him with speed.”


Stitches opened his eyes. He was strapped down to a bench, on all fours.

“Ahh Stitches” that same female voice, it had a refined edge to it.

“Who the fuck are you, the queen?”

It was after that outburst that stitches felt the stinging of the sharp searing cane across his thigh.


“Glenn, please use the device on him.”

“Yes m’lady” Said the biker

Stitches watched in horror as the biker came at him with a scray metal contraption. pinching his nose closed and gripping him by the cheeks stiches was forced to open hims mouth and the cold metal scraped across his teeth. he heard, nofelt, the racheting as his jaw was cfored painfully wide open.

“You have crossed the social justice illuminati for the last time.” The voice cooed as she came around to stitches view. Finally he laid eyes upon her. She was older yet still beautiful. Her snow white skin ofset by her black close cropped hair.

“I am Enya. But you can call me Seam Ripper. And now my little ragdolo, it is time for you to have a dick in your face.”

Enya opened yer purple robes, and stitches was staring at eh biggest strap on he had ever seen. More incredulously it had a clowns face as the head. he watched in horror as the clown-cum-dildo was pushed into his aching jaw.

“First the fromt seam, then we’ll stitch you up, then the back seam, and we’ll stich you up again!”

“You. Will. Learn. To. Respect. Pop. Culture. Artitsts.” Enya intoed as she thrust her doouble-ended-clown-dong into stitches throat.

“That’s it. Choke on dick you mysognyst little clown.”

Finally Glenn spoke up “We killed more than one rapper, we can take out a little pip-squeek like you. After-all, Our Team has been in the navy.”

Enya pulled out leaving stitches gasping for breath, choking and sputtering.

“Now that you’ve done a good job with the lubricant we can procede with the main treatment…”

Stitches broke down sobbing. Thankfully the pain on initially entry was too great and he pased out after a few moments.

— — — — —

He awoke, in his bed. It was all a dream. It was all just a bad dream. Then he felt the burning pain in his jaw and his ass. The first few bars of Orocono Flow started playing and he hard the Biker whisper in his ar: “We don’t use cocaine on you boy, it numbs your ass. We want to see you cry every tear and feel every tear.”