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The soldier hadn’t been active when the Chitauri came. Of course not. Shield had just found Steve in the ice and Hydra had been scrambling. So the soldier stayed on ice. Bucky imagined it had been a bit like this. He’d seen the footage, but everyone knew watching something and being there was different. He’d been there when Thanos rained fire. He’d been at the Battle of Wakanda.
But this was New York.
This was home.
These were his people.
And they were disappearing.
Yelena had disappeared. She’d stepped into the darkness and was gone. And then Ava. Well, she disappeared all the time. But she followed Yelena straight into the darkness. Then Alexei. He glanced at Walker, shrugged, then followed them into the dark void.
He didn’t know what he expected. But it wasn’t this. The room was lit like he remembered things being in the 40s. A soft yellow glow emanated from a single bulb in the middle of the room lighting a table. He stepped forward, glancing down at the table. It was covered in papers, notes scribbled in cyrillic and German. “American subject, previously survived attempt 23 at,” Bucky stopped reading. He reached out attempting to move the notes, when a door slammed open.
Bucky spun towards the sound, his gun raised. There, against the wall, was a bed. Well, not a bed. But a gurney. A body was strapped to it, head lolling. The small man turned the light he was wheeling on. “Sergeant Barnes, you will be the new fist of Hydra,” It was Zola.
He was in a lab. No, not a lab. The lab. He couldn’t be here. He really, where was Yelena? Bucky fired the gun. A perfect headshot. Or it would have been if the bullet hadn’t passed straight through Zola’s forehead.
“Arggggg,” Bucky screamed and threw himself at the small man, tackling him to the ground. “Get away,” he grunted, grabbing Zola around the waist and dragging him towards the still open door. He tossed the smaller man through the door frame then stepped through, out of the lab.
Straight into another one. He remembers this better. He’s strapped to another gurney. He remembers being there. His henley scratching at his skin. Telling Zola his service number. 32557038. He repeated it and repeated it. How does it feel? Are you still short of breath? Are you sick at home often? He hadn’t given any answers, just 32557038.
And then Steve. Steve was there. “3255 . . .Steve?” Past Bucky murmurs.
“Steve?” Current Bucky nearly pleads. He reaches out, reach’s for Steve’s hand. But Steve doesn’t see him. Steve is ripping the straps off the gurney and helping past Bucky to his feet. Urging him out of the room. The memory is fuzzy, but Bucky follows, follows until they’re standing on either side of a flaming chasm with Zola and Schmidt on one size, Steve and the Bucky’s on the other.
No! Zola can’t be allowed to get away. Bucky raises his gun and fires. The bullets fly straight through Zola’s head again. He knows his capabilities now. He knows he can make the jump to the other side just as well as Steve can. He climbs onto the railing and leaps, rolling onto the other side. He grab’s Zola’s sleeve just as he makes a dash for the hydra mobile and flings him over the railing into the fire. Bucky turns to follow the Red Skull, to rip him from the vehicle and throw him into the fire as well, but as soon as he’s through the doorframe the scene changes again.
He’s strapped down again. Sitting upright this time. The metal arm is there. But he can see it in past Bucky’s face, see that he’s still fighting. Luiken is there this time, whispering in past Bucky’s ear. “No,” past Bucky grunts. “No. Steve. Steve will come,” he closes his eyes and tips his head back, murmuring “32557038” to himself. Trying his best to drown out Luiken’s whispers. But of course, there, in the doorway, is Zola. Bucky knows what he has. It’s one of his clearest pre-soldier memories. Zola unfolds the newspaper in his hands and holds it up, the huge headline reading Captain America Presumed Dead.
“Look here, soldier. No one is coming.” Zola grins, and Bucky’s fingers twitch. He knows its useless to use his gun at this point. He puts his back to past Bucky, refusing to even look at him, knowing full well what his reaction will be. He takes Zola around the arm and bodily drags him back out the door, the screams of past Bucky following them into the next scene.
It’s an empty room. Mirrors and a ballet bar line one wall. Past Bucky is not in full Winter Soldier gear, but black tact pants and a black shirt. A black mask covers the lower part of his face, mesh so he can teach. There’s a girl in front of him, a young woman really. Steve’s friend, Natasha. He doesn’t remember anything about her other than what he learned from Steve and in Wakanda. But he remembers training the girls. Training them to be killers. Causing whatever rooms Yelena’s moving through now. He has to get out of here. He’s done so much more harm than just murders. He moves in to grab his past self, but he resists. Of course he resists. Adamantiam meets vibranium as they clash. Bucky moves hard and fast, hoping Natasha won’t get involved. Even as a youth, he won’t stand much of a chance against both himself and her. He punches himself in the face, then immediately spins and hits himself in the kidney, sweeping his leg out to kick at his knees. The soldier reciprocates and they dance across the room, Bucky constantly drawing them back towards the mirrors. He’s tiring faster than the soldier, he’s spent more time campaigning and on the hill than in the gym. But he knows his weaknesses, knows the soldier will still feel the need to protect the girl, and when he sees an opening he grabs himself from behind and falls backward into the mirrors.
Bucky’s getting the hang of it now. Memories are coming thick and fast. Opening his draft letter. Surrendering at Azzano. Being punished for losing to Isaiah in Korea. Throwing off the conditioning and being recaptured in New York in the 80s. Shooting a president in Dallas. Killing Howard Stark. Alexander Pierce being introduced as his new handler. Rumlow telling the techs to leave for lunch before coming back to put him back in the freezer. Standing silently while Zemo talks to Selby.
And Steve. He sees Steve everywhere. Sees the look on his face when he tells Steve to fuck off, he’s not leaving Europe without him. Sees the resemblance now between the Pierce he met in the 80s and Steve. Sees himself rip Sam’s wing off and then shoot Steve multiple times on the helicarrier. Watches Steve fight robots on television. Sees Steve’s face as they watch his past self turn to ash in Wakanda.
And then, he’s standing next to the time machine platform. And instead of telling Steve he’s taking all the stupid with him, he’s saying “please, don’t go. Please come back Steve. I need you. Sam needs you. The Avengers, your friends, and the new guys, Yelena and Walker, Ava and Alexei, we all need you Steve.”
“Don’t worry, Buck,” memory Steve says, “I’ll see you in a minute.” Bucky closes his eyes.
When he opens them he’s in a room he’s never seen before. An attic. The others are already here. Not Sam or Steve like he’s used to, but Yelena and Ava, Alexei and Walker. And Bob. And he’s not. He’s just barely gotten through his own void. He has no clue how to get out of this one. But Yelena does. And he’s so exhausted. So exhausted from reliving his worst memories, his whole life it feels like. But he has overcome. There is so much good in his life–Sam and his nephews, his work, the people of Brooklyn. The book on his nightstand the the movie coming out he wants to see next week. And he throws himself into the hug with Yelena, nearly on top of her. Because he’s here. And they need Bob to be here with them too. Because Bucky gets it. He knows terrible things happen. But when you’re with people you care about they’re a little more bearable.
It’s a blur after that. They’re back on the street in Manhattan, destruction all around them. But the people, the one’s who were sucked into the void, they’re back too. And he’s not sure what to do next, but he knows they have got to subdue Valentina. He’s surprised by the press, but manages not to draw his weapon. And then.
Then he’s an Avenger.