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The first time Yoona notices it, it puzzles her.
The group is in their car, early in the morning - the sun barely creeping over the horizon. Heading to yet another schedule.
At least this one isn't solo.
Usually, Yoona would be passed out by now. She valued her sleep - all of her members did. But for some reason today, she seemed to be the only one up. She was buzzing with... anticipation? No, that's not right. It's a schedule we've done a hundred times by now. Whatever it was, it was keeping her from getting some rest during one of the only downtimes they'll get today. Oh well.
Yoona looks toward the front of the car as their manager drives them through the empty streets of Seoul. No one in their right mind would be up this early - not unless they were made to. She sighs, looking at her members.
Haewon is sitting in the front passenger seat, face pressed up against the cold window. Yoona breathes out a laugh. That's going to leave a mark. Jinsol is sitting in the seat directly in front of Yoona. She's wrapped up in a blanket, face almost fully covered. The heat is blasting, but Seoul winters were always rough on her. Diagonal to Yoona is Lily. She has ear pods in but Yoona can tell that nothing was playing. Only the sound of the asphalt against the wheels and the heat blowing through the car. Sometimes Lily liked to shut off from the world, that's something that they always had in common. The last row of the car hosted Kyujin, Jiwoo, and herself. Yoona leans over slightly to look at her maknae - her head leaned back, mouth slightly open. Yoona chuckles to herself. She loves her members.
As she leans back in her seat, she's reminded of the last member - clinging to her arm, cuddling in her sleep. Her hair was already a mess - Jiwoo didn't bother this early in the morning to fix it, not when they were heading to a schedule where someone will fix it for her. Yoona catches herself reaching out to fix her hair. She stops herself. This is a normal thing to do, why are you overthinking it?
That's when she notices it. Something hard to describe, something she's never felt before. It felt like Jiwoo was pulling her closer - not physically, mind you - more like a star approaching a black hole. She could hear her heartbeat in her ears. Wait, that doesn't sound like-
"What are you chuckling to yourself about?"
Yoona lets go of a breath that she didn't realize she was holding.
"What?" Yoona asks, feeling like she's been caught.
Jiwoo nuzzles into Yoona's arm before looking up at her.
"I heard you laughing. Not loudly. But enough."
"Oh, did I wake you? I'm sorry-"
"You didn't wake me, don't worry."
Yoona's hand reaches out again to push Jiwoo's hair back - this time she can't even think to stop herself. She's too distracted by the way Jiwoo looks right now, looking up at her with her round eyes and flushed cheeks. And then she feels something, something that she can't quite grasp.
"Are you nervous?" Yoona says in a whisper.
Jiwoo's eyes grow even wider, face flushing more. She searches Yoona's face. Yoona feels drawn towards her even more.
"For the schedule, I mean," she clarifies.
Jiwoo blinks once, twice. Then she moves to sit back in her seat with a sigh. Yoona's hand stays in the air a moment longer than it should. She wonders why it's even there. Was I holding her face?
"I am," Jiwoo smiles to herself. "How did you know?"
"I'm not sure. I just felt it."
Jiwoo glances over at Yoona. The sun rises behind Yoona, giving Jiwoo a warm glow as the rays hit her skin. Yoona takes her in. She thinks she's lucky that she gets to see this side of Jiwoo, the softer side. Jiwoo would disagree - she thinks she's the lucky one. From Jiwoo's point of view, Yoona was shining - an angel sent from above.
"I guess you know me well," Jiwoo says fondly.
Yoona hums in response. She can't look away. The sun starts to burn on the back of her neck. Jiwoo looks away in thought.
"I like moments like these. The quiet moments," she closes her eyes. "I like it when it's just us two."
"Me too," Yoona hears herself say. She realizes the connotation. "Not that I don't like the other members. It's just different."
Jiwoo giggles to herself, opening her eyes to find Yoona's hand. She draws words into her palm, poems. Yoona can't keep up with them though as she's still thinking about the laugh she heard escape from Jiwoo's mouth. Not that Jiwoo laughing was anything unusual - Yoona just always loved when she was the one to cause it.
"Are you alright, by the way?" Jiwoo says, finally looking back towards Yoona.
"What do you mean?"
"You came back late last night. You looked... Out of it."
"Oh, I don't even remember," Yoona looks away from Jiwoo - her neck aches. She tries to recall the night before but all she can remember is practicing. "I guess I was tired."
"Don't overwork yourself," Jiwoo squeezes her hand. "I don't want to lose you."
"You won't," Yoona squeezes back.
Kyujin snorts in her sleep as the car drives over a particularly bumpy patch. Yoona and Jiwoo giggle to themselves - hand still intertwined.
The second time Yoona notices it, she thinks there must be something wrong with her.
It's a few days later and the group just got back from - you guessed it - another schedule. Yoona and Jiwoo have just retired to their room, deflating as the last of their energy leaves their bodies.
Yoona plops down on Jiwoo's bed, extending her arms and stretching. Her bed smells like her. She looks up at the ceiling, going through their schedule for tomorrow.
Then she feels it. The pulling. It's like her heart is breaking out of her ribcage and leading her right to Jiwoo. She hears her heartbeat pick up. No, that's not hers.
She sits up abruptly.
Jiwoo jumps at the movement. She looks in the mirror at Yoona as she holds up a pajama shirt to her bare chest. Yoona immediately feels ashamed.
"Oh, sorry-"
"I was just changing into pajamas-"
"Yeah, sorry I don't know why..." Yoona trails off. Jiwoo still holds her shirt to her chest. Yoona can see her back start to flush. She realizes that she's staring.
"Sorry. I'll look away," she lies back down on Jiwoo's bed. Why am I being such a freak?
"It's fine. I mean... We're both girls. And we've done this a hundred times in front of each other. This time should be no different, right?"
Yoona perks up at that but she doesn't dare sit up.
"Yeah. It's no big deal," she lies. It is a big deal though because she feels like her heart is about to tear through her skin. She still hears that heartbeat. She doesn't even have the energy to control herself when she says, "do I make you nervous?"
Shit. Why did I say that? Yoona hears Jiwoo squeak at the question. Ah, cute. She feels the heartbeat pick up.
"What do you- I- No, I like having you near me." Yoona finally sits back up, propping herself on her elbows - she feels like Jiwoo is lying. Jiwoo has finished changing into pajamas. Darn. Jiwoo turns around to face her, leaning onto the dresser behind her. She puts on a smile.
"Do I make you nervous?~"
Laughter suddenly appears beyond the walls. Jiwoo looks towards the door. Yoona thinks this is her moment to be brave - well, with the caveat that Jiwoo might not hear her.
"Yeah."
Jiwoo whips her head back towards Yoona. Shit, she heard. She looks sad. Shit!!
"Why?"
Yoona will do anything to get Jiwoo to stop frowning, her mouth moving before her brain.
"Because you're pretty. And you're cute. I like you a lot." Jiwoo stares at Yoona, the frown no longer on her face. Yoona can't meet her eyes.
"Oh."
"But it's okay. It's the good kind of nervous. I like the way it feels," she says as she plops back down onto Jiwoo's bed. Why can't I stop talking??
"I like you too." Before Yoona has time to process that and before Jiwoo can explain further, the door to their room bursts open. Yoona springs back up. She feels like she's been caught. She looks over at Jiwoo who seems to be feeling the same way. Haewon - poor, poor Haewon - looks between the two of them, confused.
"Uhhh.. we were wondering if you wanted to play Mario Kart."
Jiwoo stares at the floor. Yoona feels like she might just pass out. She takes a breath.
"Sure," she stands up and walks towards the door. She brushes past Jiwoo before stopping and turning towards her. "Are you joining?"
Jiwoo looks up at her. Yoona realizes that she's hurt at her leaving. Shit!!!!!!
"No, I'm tired. I'm going to go to bed."
"Yeah, okay, sleep well," Haewon rushes her words, grabbing Yoona's wrist. "C'mon, Jinsol is going to do the stupid commentary thing."
Yoona gets pulled out of the room. She looks back at Jiwoo, hoping to explain herself through facial expressions, but only finds Jiwoo's back looking back at her.
After the game, Yoona and Haewon sit on the couch. Haewon stares at Yoona while Yoona stares into space. How will Jiwoo act when I go back into the room? Will she be mad at me?
"You can't date Jiwoo."
Yoona turns towards Haewon, suddenly feeling nauseous. Haewon continues.
"Dating within the group is never a good idea. Ever heard of Fleetwood Mac?"
"No?"
Haewon closes her eyes in frustration.
"The Chain? Landslide? Go Your Own Way?? You know what- that-that doesn't matter. You can't do it."
"Why not? Other groups do it."
"So you do like her," Yoona realizes that she's fallen for a trap. She starts to feel lightheaded. She just wants to skip past the rest of the night and move onto tomorrow. Maybe get one of those devices from Men In Black that erases people's memories.
"I don't-"
"You're not really hiding it well," Haewon stares at Yoona. "At least stop sniffing her, god-"
"She smells good."
"You're in public!"
"It's fan service."
"No, it is not, Yoona."
Yoona suddenly feels a deep amount of shame. Then, she feels anger.
"Well, what about you and Lily? Aren't you dating?" Haewon flushes at the accusation, thrown off.
"N-No!"
"But you like her. And you make it obvious. Why can't I?"
"I'm not sniffing her!"
"The sniffing thing only happened like two times, stop bringing it up! She smells good!!"
"We all use the same shampoo!!"
A door suddenly opens down the hall. A very sleepy Kyujin sticks her head out of the door frame. She glares at them. Haewon and Yoona both whisper an apology. The door closes again. Yoona hears a heartbeat, but it's not pulling her like Jiwoo's does. Must be Haewon's. Huh?
"Listen," Haewon sighs, "I can't control what you do. But we're just starting to get somewhere as a group. Think about how this might affect our future."
Yoona thinks. She thinks about how she could kiss Jiwoo between stages, how she'll be able to see her own lipstick smeared across Jiwoo's lips, how- oh my god, we share a room.
"Earth to Romeo," Haewon waves her hand in front of Yoona's face, snapping her out of it.
"I can tell you were not thinking about our future," Haewon says, dragging her hand across her face.
"Haewon, I can't do it."
"Oh thank god-"
"I can't stay away from her," Haewon stares right at Yoona but Yoona is staring towards her bedroom door - the room she shares with Jiwoo. "I need her."
"Ew."
Silence takes over them. It's quiet. No laughter, no music, no humming of the car. It's like the only two people who are awake in the city are her and Haewon. It makes her uncomfortable.
"Whatever," Haewon stands up, stretching. "Can't say I didn't warn you."
The third time Yoona notices it, she can't control herself.
They had just finished a concert, walking back to the greenroom, sweaty but happy. Jiwoo skips there. Cute.
Her and Jiwoo... Have been awkward to say the least. Yoona pretends like she doesn't notice Jiwoo drifting away from her, but it hurts. Didn't they say they liked each other? Maybe Jiwoo meant it differently...
Yoona is going crazy though. She misses Jiwoo and - god - for some reason the pull just hurts more. She hears Jiwoo's heartbeat in her ears. She knows it by heart now. She could probably pick out her heartbeat in a lineup. And her chest? It aches. It feels like her heart is going to explode. And the concert certainly didn't help.
Yes, partly because Jiwoo was cute the whole time, but also because Yoona thinks she's figured it out - well, partially. She can hear Jiwoo's heartbeat, that much she's sure of. It gets louder as Jiwoo's heart rate goes up. It's almost deafening when they're performing live - it's such an adrenaline rush, anyone's heart would be beating out of their chest.
Why can Yoona hear it, though? That she doesn't know. She also doesn't know why she feels the pull. At first, she thought it was just heartache, longing. But it grew into something more than that. She feels like her body is working against her. Her heart might literally fly out of her chest, straight to Jiwoo. And as romantic as that sounds, in practicality it would be gruesome. Yoona doesn't want to scare Jiwoo away.
The group sits in the greenroom, resting. Jiwoo takes a sip of water. Some miss her mouth and slide down her jawline, down her neck, into the fabric of her shirt. Yoona cannot look away. Jiwoo catches her staring.
Yoona's over this game though, feeling Jiwoo's heartbeat thrum through her skin. She's tired of it. She keeps looking at Jiwoo. Jiwoo looks away, embarrassed. Ha. She won.
There's too many people in this room. She needs to be alone with Jiwoo now. If she doesn't talk to Jiwoo about whatever is going on between them soon, she might literally go into cardiac arrest. But it's still at least an hour until they get back to their hotel. And she's rooming with Kyujin tonight. I wonder if I can ask Jinsol to switch with me. An hour feels like it would last a lifetime, though. Yoona thinks up another plan.
She walks up to Jiwoo. She's no longer nervous. She's too focused on the pull of her heart and the way Jiwoo's heartbeat coincides with hers. Jiwoo looks up at her from her seat. It reminds her of that day in the car - hair a mess, face flushed.
"Can we talk?"
Jiwoo looks around the room. No one else seems to be paying attention to them. Not even Kyujin who - to be quite honest - hasn't left Jiwoo alone since she told her about the situation. Kyujin was over the moon. She was constantly telling her that she needs to have a talk with Yoona. Yet here she was, hesitating.
"Please, Jiwoo," Yoona holds out her hand. Jiwoo takes it.
They end up in an unused dressing room, one for solo acts or something - Yoona doesn't really care. She just knows no one else is here, there's a door that closes and locks, and that she's here with Jiwoo.
Jiwoo pretends like she doesn't know what's going on - she looks at the pictures on the wall, trying to avoid the conversation.
"Wow, Tinashe played here," she says, looking up at a signed photo.
"Jiwoo, I need you."
Jiwoo spins around at that. She didn't expect Yoona to be so forward (neither did Yoona). She feels like her breath was just taken away. She can feel her heart race - she wonders if Yoona can hear it.
Unbeknownst to her, Yoona can hear it and it's driving her crazy. Yoona moves towards Jiwoo until Jiwoo is backed up into the wall, Yoona towering over her.
"I miss you," Yoona says in a whisper. The tension calms and Jiwoo sighs.
"I miss you too."
"Haewon told me that I shouldn't do this."
"Oh, did she now? That you shouldn't do what?"
Yoona smiles. It feels like Jiwoo is finally back - she missed this banter. Jiwoo smiles brightly back at her. This was a mistake on her part because now all Yoona can focus on is her mouth. She inches toward her then stops, giving Jiwoo an out if she doesn't want it. Jiwoo wraps her arms around her shoulders. She wants it.
"You can't run away this time. It hurts too much," Jiwoo says, pouting at Yoona.
"I'm sorry, I wasn't even thinking. I didn't mean to hurt you. And then afterwards... I didn't know what to do. It felt like I missed the moment."
"What changed your mind? Why now?"
Yoona looks deep into Jiwoo's eyes. The room is barely lit, but she can still see lights dancing in her eyes - sparkling just like her heart. She looks down at her lips again. She reaches out, places her thumb on her bottom lip, and smears the lipstick. Jiwoo's breath hitches. This leads Yoona down to the spot that's entranced her all night - her neck. She can see Jiwoo's jugular - she watches the muscles on her neck move as Jiwoo swallows nervously. Yoona moves back up to her eyes.
"I like you, Jiwoo. I can't pretend like I don't want you anymore. My heart- it only wants you. And I can't take it anymore."
Jiwoo is speechless. She wasn't expecting this. She thinks about the situation she's in. If you had told her after she first met Yoona that this is where they'd end up in a few years.. well, she'd laugh in your face. Yoona? The tall, shy unnie? Saying things like that? To her? You must be out of your mind.
But now it feels right. It makes sense. Jiwoo brushes the baby hairs on the back of Yoona's neck - she feels her shiver in response. Jiwoo feels her heart pulling her towards Yoona.
"So, can I?" Always the gentleman, that Yoona. Jiwoo practically swoons.
"Unless Haewon says otherwise," Jiwoo jokes.
"Please don't bring up Haewon right now."
Jiwoo starts to laugh but is cut off by a pair of soft lips on hers. Finally.
Yoona pushes her against the wall, kissing her deeply. She wants her heart to be as close to Jiwoo as she can possibly get. Jiwoo grabs the back of Yoona's head, pulling her in even deeper.
Yoona can't get enough of her taste, but it's not enough. She moves down to her jawline.
"You smell so good."
She sucks on Jiwoo's pulse point then smooths it over with her tongue. She hears Jiwoo gasp and she goes for it again. She can feel Jiwoo's heartbeat on her tongue. She wants more.
"Wait, we have another concert tomorrow. You can't leave any marks," Jiwoo says, despite her pulling Yoona in for more.
"It's too late for that. Concealer exists. I'm sure the makeup artists have dealt with it before."
Yoona finally reaches the length of Jiwoo's neck. One of her hands comes up to hold it, feel it. Her other hand pulls Jiwoo in more, squeezing her hip. Yoona breathes her in.
"Why do you smell so good?"
She licks hot stripes down her throat, sucking occasionally. Yoona moves back up and whispers in Jiwoo's ear.
"Sometimes, when you're not home, I go to your bed and lie down in it. I think about you - I think about us. It smells like you. I can't get enough."
Jiwoo whimpers as Yoona moves back down. She needs her. She needs to taste her. Yoona sucks on her jugular, feeling the blood rush past her lips. Jiwoo must look like a mess right now. I can't wait to see what she looks like when we're done.
Then, Yoona does something that even she wasn't expecting herself. Once again, her body moves on its own. Yoona places her teeth right over the jugular and bites. She hears her teeth pierce through Jiwoo's skin. Jiwoo moans.
Yoona tastes blood. But she can't stop. It tastes so sweet, so addicting. She thinks this is how Eve must've felt when she took a bite out of the apple. She keeps sucking, feeling the taste of Jiwoo's heart on her lips.
Jiwoo starts to feel weak. Yoona hears her heartbeat slow down and suddenly has a clear head - no longer affected by the thrall of Jiwoo's beat. She licks the wound clean and notices that the holes are already closing up.
Yoona leans back and looks at Jiwoo. Oh my god, what did I just do? I guess that would explain the heartbeat thing..
"I'm sorry, I went too far. I didn't mean to hurt you."
Jiwoo looks up at her incredulously. She sees worry painted on Yoona's face and she softens in response. She caresses her cheek, smiling at her.
"No. It was good. I liked it. I like you."
Yoona beams and then hides her smile in the crook of Jiwoo's neck.
"I like you too."
Suddenly, they hear footsteps walking towards them from the hallway. Yoona feels Jiwoo's heartbeat pick up. She looks at Jiwoo. God, she looks like a mess. She's proud that she was the one who did that. She thinks about how she could potentially see Jiwoo like this every day. Jiwoo notices her staring.
"What are you smiling about? We have to figure out how to get out of this. What if our manager sees?"
Yoona looks at Jiwoo's neck and traces her lipstick marks with her fingers.
"Unnie, I'm serious."
Jiwoo looks genuinely worried but Yoona can't help but think about how cute she looks. Oh, I'm in deep.
"Are we dating?" Yoona asks.
"You're asking this question right now?"
The footsteps move past them and continue down the hall. Jiwoo starts to breath again. She turns to Yoona, who is staring at her like a lovesick fool.
"Yes, Yoona, I would like to date you. As much as idols can date... well, less than that actually. But I would like to go on dates with you. It's probably easier since we're in the same group, now that I think about it. People will probably think we're just hanging out-"
Yoona kisses her deeply. Jiwoo obliges for a moment but then pushes her back.
"You love to interrupt me," Jiwoo says, feeling herself smile despite herself.
"I love to kiss you," Yoona tries to go for it again. Jiwoo holds a hand up in front of her face.
"We can do this at the hotel. I already switched rooms with Kyujin so we could be together."
"Oh, you did, did you?" teases Yoona. Jiwoo blushes in response.
"Well, I wanted to talk. But it seems like you beat me to that." Yoona hums, she can't stop smiling. "Can you call someone to come get us? One of our members preferably."
Yoona nods and reaches in her back pocket, pulling out her phone, then dials a number. She holds the phone up to her ear and Jiwoo looks at her curiously.
"Haewon, I'm sorry. I did what you told me not to do," Yoona says with a smile. Jiwoo slaps Yoona on the shoulder. She can hear Haewon's voice through the phone, rambling. Yoona just looks at Jiwoo.
"We're in the third dressing room. Jiwoo needs a scarf. It's cold out and you know how she gets."
The sound of Haewon complaining continues as footsteps start to make their way to their room. Jiwoo can hear Haewon from outside the door now.
"I'm coming in! You better be decent." Haewon enters the room, a hand covering her eyes. She peeks through and looks at her members.
"You guys clearly look like you just made out. Couldn't you have at least locked the door?? Ugh, come here. I'll fix your hair."
Jiwoo finally smiles, big and proud. She bounces toward Haewon.
"Thank you, unnie!"
Yoona looks at the scene. She couldn't be happier. She leans on the counter as she watches Haewon bicker with Jiwoo. Jiwoo laughs throughout, never losing her smile. Yoona thinks she might love her.
Her heart thrums in response. Jiwoo looks over at Yoona, as if she felt something pull her towards Yoona.
The first time Jiwoo noticed it, she is elated.