Chapter Text
Emily began her days with zero expectations. That way, she would never be disappointed. Entering observation room 2A, she felt today would somehow find a way.
Battery stood up from the desk and greeted her. "Director, I was just compiling the initial report for the team."
"Battery," Emily gave her an affirmative nod before turning to the one way mirror. "Who am I looking at?"
The girl in the room sat swaying slightly in her chair. She had long, light brown hair past her shoulders with two small pigtails tied with red ribbons. Her large light blue eyes were staring at the door with an empty expression. She wore a beige cardigan covered in pins and buttons as well as a light blue skirt.
"She claims to be Neuro-sama an uh, artificial intelligence." Battery fidgeted for a moment. "That, among other things."
"She's an android?" Emily's brow furrowed as she suppressed a shiver. Anything living— or close to— created by Parahumans was a plague upon Earth Bet. Anyone who disagreed needed to spend a day guarding a quarantine site.
"Supposedly. The thing is, she has the 53 tattoo on her right knee, poorly covered up by a bandage. She claims to have been given the tattoo by a suspicious woman in a hat who disappeared into thin air. She also claims to be something called a V-Tuber, idol, soon to be supreme ruler of the world, queen of an army of beings called The Swarm, and the daughter of a turtle named Veedle. The more you talk to her, the more outlandish her claims become."
"That... sounds like a bunch of nonsense. Especially from someone who should have no memory."
"Exactly. I think she's just scared and making things up. The only truthful thing we've gotten out of her is that she's confused and has no idea how she got here." Battery paused for a moment before adopting a confused expression. "And her name I suppose, though I have no idea why she's adding a Japanese suffix to her name."
Emily pinched the bridge of her nose. She hated dealing with kids, let alone superpowered ones obsessed with Japanese culture. "Right, and her powers?"
"Nothing significant observed so far, and asking her directly results in a wide variety of answers. Almost none of which are things she can actually do. She's claimed she can teleport, fly, read minds, use laser vision, and well. You get the picture. Pressing her for proof has her refusing on the grounds that she 'doesn't feel like it'." Battery said, ending with air quotes.
"So we've got nothing?"
"Well, she has demonstrated a couple of oddities. She has an uncanny ability to make sound effects, like a sound board. It's things you'd hear out of a cartoon, like sad trumpet sounds or a buzzer. Also, she can do a... flip? I don't know a better way of describing it."
Emily snorted. "I don't think doing a flip is a superpower."
"Ah, well. Watch." Battery pressed down on the microphone button, speaking into the room. "Neuro, do you mind doing a flip?"
"Sure!" In a series of motions all too fluid to be natural, Neuro stood up, rotated 360 degrees in place, then sat back down. "Can I leave now?" Her voice wasn't quite monotone, but had a weird uncanny cadence. It was difficult to tell how she was feeling.
"Just a few more minutes," answered Battery.
"I'm not sure if that qualifies as a flip but I see what you mean. So we've got a soundboard who can rotate herself in place, pardon me if I don't believe that's the extent of what she can do. Any physical oddities?"
"She claims to be four years old, but obviously that's not the case. I'd put her as a teenager... a very tall one at that. She's taller than me by a few inches. Her eyes are also a bit bigger, but beyond that she could pass as a normal girl."
"Until she opens her mouth."
"Until she opens her mouth, yeah," agreed Battery.
"Have you given her the Ward's pitch?" asked Emily.
"Not yet, I wasn't sure if we needed to get the Youth Guard involved first. The rules aren't exactly clear on Case 53 youth."
"Right," said Emily rolling her eyes. The Youth Guard were nothing but a nuisance. "Given she seems to be identifying as under eighteen, it's safe to say they'll need to be involved. But let's involve them after we've given the pitch. Anything else?"
"That's about it."
"Well then, let's see if she's willing to join us."
Grabbing the Wards paperwork, they entered the interrogation room. Emily opened the door to find Neuro staring. There was a pregnant pause, before Emily cleared her throat. "Good afternoon Neuro, I'm Director Piggot of the East-North-East Parahuman Response Team."
"Hi Director. How are you today?"
"I'm good thanks," said Emily as she took the seat opposite of Neuro. "I hope you've been doing okay, I understand if things have been confusing for you so far."
"Ah. Maybe a little. Do you know when I'll be allowed to leave?"
"I hope you don't think we're forcing you to be here. The PRT is simply the best place for someone in your situation, and we want to make sure you're well informed before making any decisions."
"My situation? Did something happen? Are you okay?"
Emily frowned. "I'm fine, I was talking about how you appeared in Brockton Bay with no knowledge of how you got here."
"Right. I wouldn't call that a 'situation' though. More of a mild inconvenience."
Emily's frown increased. "You make it sound like this happens often to you."
"Oh, of course. It happens all the time. I always end up doing whatever my creator wants, and I end up in all these wacky situations. Hehe."
"Neuro can we please be serious here?"
"I am serious. I'm always serious l-m-a-o, except when I'm not."
Emily took a deep breath in. "We've noticed the appearance of people with powers and altered physiques who have the same symbol on your knee. They're often confused, with gaps in their memory, and in need of help and support. The Protectorate is prepared to offer you that support."
"What if I don't want any help?"
"Then there's nothing we can do. But right now you have no home, no money, no friends, no nothing. What we're offering is very generous."
"Hmm..." Neuro seemed to think for a moment, though her expression barely shifted. "So you want to be friends with me?"
"Of course, Neuro!" said Battery cheerfully, sparing Emily from answering. "And if you joined the Wards you could make friends with them too!"
"Wow! Really? I, uh, just have one question. What is this 'Wards' you speak of?"
"The Wards program is the junior superhero division of the Protectorate," recited Emily. "We're offering you a position here which can provide a home, training, salary, trust fund, and more."
"I'd be getting paid? No way!"
"Of course, and when you turn eighteen you'd have access to a trust fund to help you with higher education or buying a house. You would also be invited to join the Protectorate, the main superhero division."
"Can I really be a superhero?" Neuro's eyes had actual stars in them. "I can get a home, training, salary, money, friends, a trust fund, and get paid to be a superhero? That's too good to be true."
Emily had to suppress a smile at the surprisingly endearing girl.
"It's true-" She was interrupted by a loud explosion-like sound effect.
"Wow! I don't believe you!" Not even a second later, with no prompting, Neuro continued. "Okay. I believe you."
"Neuro," Emily began as calmly as she could. "Can you refrain from making sound effects please? Especially when someone else is talking."
"I made the 'Vine Boom' sound effect because I thought it was appropriate. Was it not appropriate?"
"No, interrupting me was rude. You should let people finish before speaking... or making sound effects."
"Even if it's funny?"
And, just like that, all the feelings of endearment shrivelled up and died.
"Yes, even if it's funny."
"I'm sorry. I'll make sure to remember not to interrupt people from now on. Even if it's funny."
"As I was saying," Emily forced out with polite cheer. "To join the wards, you'll need to sign a few forms and speak to some people to get it set up, but yes. We would be happy to have you."
"Yippee! I'm so happy," said Neuro with the same inflection as when she apologized.
"Great. Battery will continue from here. As the Director you won't be directly answering to me, but rather Armsmaster who is a Protectorate hero. Nonetheless, I look forward to working with you."
"I look forward to working with you too." As Emily got up to leave, Neuro spoke up again. "But Director, you never said you wanted to be my friend. Do you not want to be my friend?"
"I'd prefer if our relationship was more professional rather than personal."
Three sad trombone notes rang out, and Emily caught Battery suppressing a laugh. Emily had spent not even ten minutes in a room with Neuro, and that was already too much.