Chapter Text
Nat’s eyes lazily blinked open. For a second, she had no fucking clue where she was.
“Wake up bitch. Time for the best week of your goddamn miserable life!” Jackie Taylor exclaimed enthusiastically. Shauna laughed at her friend’s joke from the passenger seat. Shauna tended to overestimate how funny Jackie was, typical.
“Real funny Taylor. Fuck off.” Nat groaned. What the hell had she gotten herself into? Apparently, she would be spending an entire week on a carnival cruise ship with her entire high school soccer team. She loved them dearly but damn they could be insufferable.
“But seriously guys. I’m so fucking excited. How often are you eighteen years old, the best age to be, with your best friends in the entire world, with no adult supervision, on a big boat in the middle of the ocean? This stuff doesn’t just happen. Like come on, this will be the type of thing we literally tell our children about.” Jackie went on. Nat noticed Shauna listening fondly to the girl’s monologue.
“Jackie it’s a Carnival cruise ship, not the fucking Four Seasons. You might be setting your expectations a little too high.” Nat argued. She’d never been on a cruise before, but she knew damn well that Jackie’s parents had taken her on much more extravagant vacations.
“Nat, that’s so not the point. The point is that we’re all together. Possibly for the last time for five years. I mean Shauna and I are going to Rutgers, Tai’s going to fucking Harvard, you- you’re doing God knows what. This could be our last adventure together.” Jackie said sentimentally. Nat knew that Jackie was more upset about everyone splitting up than she was letting on. Nat hummed noncommittally as her mind replayed a memory from a few months prior.
“I’m scared Nat. Everything is changing. I don’t even know who I am outside of this place as pathetic as that sounds.”
“I mean I get that. But isn’t that the whole point? You get to find that out. And besides, you’ll have Shauna. I mean she’s like a fucked-up part of yourself that you’ll get to take with you to college, so good for you. Actually, maybe that’s bad for you. I’m honestly not sure.” Jackie rolled her eyes.
“You did not have to insult Shauna to say all of that. She’s kind of great actually. And without her, I’d be freaking out even fucking more. She’s not the evil person that you think she is. I think you two could be friends if you tried. I can tell that deep down Shauna thinks you’re cool. Don’t tell her I said this, but I think she might be slightly jealous of you.”
“Yeah, there is literally no way in hell I could be friends with her, and there is no reason for her to be jealous of me. I mean what the hell do I have going for me? Besides, she’s too obsessed with you to even realize that other people actually exist. Maybe she’s just jealous that you have a friend besides her now.” Nat replied. Jackie scoffed defeatedly.
“Whatever. Besides the point is that Shauna’s been acting weird lately. Like I keep trying to talk to her about our plans for college and she literally gives barely any input. I mean I told her that our dorm should be pink and green, and showed her my entire Pinterest board of ideas and everything. And she didn’t even act like she cared. I put literal hours into that, and she didn’t even care. She always loves my Pinterest boards. Like what the fuck did I do wrong? Does she not like pink and green?” Jackie rambled.
“Jackie, I think you’re thinking too much into things. It’s probably the weed getting you in your head. Shauna loves you. And I’m sure she loves your Pinterest board equally as much. Don’t let it get to you so badly.” Nat encouraged.
“Yeah, I know. I’m her best friend. And as her best friend I can tell when she’s not telling me something Nat. I just don’t understand why.”
“Well as your other best friend that you’ve apparently forgotten about, I think you should calm the fuck down.” Nat threw her empty solo cup at her friend hitting Jackie in the head.
“What the fuck Natalie?” Jackie glared dramatically. Nat tried to stop herself from laughing but failed miserably. Jackie tried to put on her best-disappointed mom face, but before she knew it, she was laughing too. The girls fell into a fit of marijuana-induced giggles and Nat thought that maybe she didn’t want things to change either.
“You know what Jax, you’re right. What the hell, let’s live our fucking lives this week.”
After a long day of boarding the ship and getting settled in, the room arrangements were like this. Jackie and Shauna would of course be together, and Mari would be third-wheeling the two. Nat would be third-wheeling Tai and Van because she naturally refused to share a room with Shauna. Jackie honestly didn’t know what the other girls were doing, it was enough trouble keeping up with Nat and Shauna, who were the two yellowjackets she was closest to despite how much she loved her entire team.
“Good evening, carnival cruise family. I’m your cruise director, Misty Quigley, the voice from above. I’ll be here updating you on every step of our voyage on the Carnival Legacy trip. Be prepared for the voyage of a lifetime. As a friendly reminder, attendance at the lifeboat safety drill is mandatory! Skipping will be noticed and rightfully punished! Also, deck 5 is currently closed due to a minor incident. No need to worry! We are all safe... for now. Anyway, I hope you enjoy your stay on the Carnival Dream and enjoy my personalized cruise playlist on the upper deck. I am an expert of sorts. Bye for now!”
“Damn, she sounds scarily cheerful.” Nat joked. Van hit her in the arm laughing.
“More like she’s going to throw us all overboard by the end of this trip. I don’t trust her.” Tai laughed at her girlfriend.
“Guys be nice. She sounds... enthusiastic!” Jackie interjected, “Really, I’m glad we have a cruise director who’s so passionate about her craft. That could only make the vacation better!”
“You would say that, Jackie,” Nat replied.
“Fuck me for being optimistic, I guess. Natalie, go get me a daiquiri as penance for your rudeness.”
“What the fuck? What about, I don’t know, Van? Shauna? Literally anyone else.”
“Don’t bring me into this. I’m clearly occupied.” Van stated. The redhead was currently snuggled up to her girlfriend on one of the chairs that was much too small to fit two people, but they of course made it work.
“Besides Nat, we know that you don’t go anywhere without your fake, and mine is currently in the room. No point in me walking all the way there when you’re perfectly capable of helping your best friend out.”
“What the hell, fine. But you’re paying and I’m getting something for myself too.”
“Whatever you say gorgeous,” Jackie said sarcastically, handing Nat her card. Nat flicked her off and began walking towards the bar.
Jackie looked over at Shauna who had previously been arguing with Mari over who was taking the twin-sized pull-out and who got to share with Jackie. What was Mari thinking? Of course, Shauna and Jackie were sharing. They always had. Knowing Mari though, she was just messing with Shauna for the fuck of it. Jackie studied Shauna’s face; she noticed the annoyance in her big brown eyes. She always did. She could read Shauna’s facial expressions like some sort of sixth sense.
“Hey. What’s wrong?” Jackie asked lowly.
“Nothing Jackie. I didn’t think you cared anyway. You’ve been stuck up Nat’s ass literally all day.” Jackie was surprised that the annoyance was directed at herself and even more surprised that Shauna would admit it.
“What? No, I haven’t. I was just trying to make her feel included. And you’ve seemed upset about something, I didn’t want to make it worse. I figured you’d come to me when you were ready to talk about it. So, are you?”
“No, I don’t want to talk about anything actually.”
“That’s fine. I’ll be here when you’re ready.” Jackie looked at her best friend fondly. She gave her the knowing eyes that always seemed to work on the brunette. Jackie could practically see the moment Shauna folded.
“It’s just… I don’t understand why Jeff and Randy had to come on the same fucking cruise as us. I thought this was going to be just us. And not to mention I feel like you like Nat more than me lately.” Jackie couldn’t believe Shauna was opening up to her, it felt like she hadn’t done that in the past few months.
“Hey, do you see Jeff and Randy? No, they’re off probably playing golf or gambling or whatever it is guys do on vacation. I honestly don’t know. And I don’t care. I just didn’t know how to say no when they asked if they could come with us. But trust me, I won’t let them ruin this for us. They can do whatever they want, and we can be together. And Natalie, Shauna you know she’s my other closest friend. But you’ll always be the best friend I’ve ever had. You’re like my other half or something cheesy like that. But we’re leaving Nat at the end of the summer, I’m just worried she’ll be lonely. And we’ll be living together for the next four years, I just want Nat to feel included. But I’m sorry I excluded you while doing that.” Jackie said truthfully. It must’ve been the right thing to say because Jackie could see the softening of Shauna’s eyes and the gentle smile that traced her perfect lips.
“You’ll always be my best friend too.” Jackie leaned in to hug Shauna with glossy eyes and the other girl giggled but didn’t hesitate to hug Jackie back.
“You know you can tell me literally anything right,” Jackie said softly.
“Yeah, I know,” Shauna replied but Jackie still couldn’t shake that there was something the brunette wasn’t saying. Jackie pulled back from the hug to examine Shauna’s expression. Shauna smiled gently before looking away. Yeah, there was something she was hiding, Jackie would just have to figure it out. She couldn’t stand the idea of Shauna feeling like she couldn’t tell her what was clearly upsetting her so badly.
“Okay, are you guys done making us feel like we’re interrupting something.” Mari quipped from her leaned-back chair that she was already working on her tan in. Jackie flushed, embarrassed that she had caused some sort of scene.
“Hey, take that out on the happy couple over there.” Shauna motioned towards Tai and Van, who were curled into each other. Jackie was glad her friends were able to feel so comfortable around the rest of them. She could easily see how much they loved each other, and she admired that so much. Her relationship with Jeff was definitely not that affectionate. Most of the time she couldn’t stand for him to even touch her when they were around her friends. She really hoped he didn’t act all clingy during this vacation.
“Fuck off. Also, what the hell is taking Nat so long?” Tai questioned. Jackie hummed, wondering what the blonde was up to, she better fucking bring back her daiquiri. Jackie was pulled from her thoughts by the familiar notes of a song she knew all too well.
“Shauna it’s our fucking summer song.” She hit the girl enthusiastically. It was Brown Eyed Girl by Van Morrison. Shauna smiled.
“Come on dance with me.” Jackie got up and reached for her hand. Shauna complied. Jackie swayed the two girls’ arms to the rhythm of the music. Shauna laughed as she went along with it.
“And you my brown-eyed girl.” Jackie sang terribly, as she twirled Shauna, “Do you remember when we used to sing?” The two girls continued to sway to the familiar song and Shauna even joined in with her equally terrible singing. Jackie thought for the first time in a while that maybe everything was okay with them. This side of Shauna was the side that she loved most, she felt familiar, she felt like home. Jackie stopped for a minute as she got lost in her thoughts and more notably Shauna’s eyes.
“What?” Shauna asked affectionately.
“Nothing. I’m just happy.” Jackie squeezed Shauna’s hand and the two girls went back to their dancing. Jackie felt like everything was right in the world.
Natalie walked over to the bar to get Jackie her stupid fruity strawberry daiquiri. What did she think she was, her slave? Okay, she wasn’t really mad, but Jackie literally thinks she’s like a princess or something, but that was part of what Nat liked about her. She honestly didn’t understand why someone like Jackie would be best friends with someone like Nat, but hey she wasn’t complaining. Jackie was pretty cool when you got to know her, and she always paid for her shit. Speaking of she was so getting herself a jack and coke. She needed a drink to put up with whatever mood Shauna was in right now, not to mention the homoerotic tension between Jackie and Shauna. It felt like they were on the precipice of some big blow-up and Nat would be there to put Shauna in her place for surely saying something evil to her friend.
Nat walked up to the bar and got the attention of the bartender before ordering her and Jackie’s drinks.
“Yeah, I just want- “She got distracted by a pretty brunette from across the bar, she was only human after all.
“What?” The bartender questioned clearly annoyed.
“Sorry, I just want a strawberry daiquiri and a jack and coke.” Nat finished her order. The bartender didn’t say anything and went off to begin making her drinks. He didn’t even ID her, which Nat was sort of grateful for. Now she could resume staring at the pretty girl across the bar, she wasn’t creepy or anything, she just admired beautiful people. That’s when she got a closer look at the girl’s face. And there was literally no way in hell. This could not be happening. She knew the girl looked familiar but seriously this had to be some sort of sick joke.
Charlotte fucking Matthews was on the same cruise as them. Nat looked away once she registered the familiar features and hoped that the girl wouldn’t notice her during the time that it took for the bartender to make her drinks. Now Nat’s mind was replaying the history she had with this girl that she’d spent too much time trying to forget. Lottie played soccer for some fancy private school that the girls had played many times throughout their careers. Nat had always hated the fucking privilege that she and the rest of the girls on her team always wore on their faces. But despite how annoying the existence of Lottie Matthews was, she still hooked up with her, and let’s just say she didn’t have any interest in reminiscing on the details of her failed romances.
“Natalie Scatorccio, so this is where the enemy lives and breathes.” Lottie Matthews teased as she walked up to her from across the bar the team had snuck out to one night during the state tournament. If Nat was sober right now, she would have rolled her eyes and walked away. But her stupid drunk mind had different plans.
“So charming Matthews, what are you doing? Coming over to tell me how much of a drunk fuck up, I am? Well, you don’t have to. Plenty of people already have that covered for you.”
“What, no? Why would you think that? I can’t just make friendly conversation with the girl who always fouls the hell out of me every time we play each other.” Lottie replied.
“The fuck are you talking about. You and the stuck-up bitches on your team play dirtier than any other team in the state. I’m sure you can handle a little bit of contact.”
“Never said I had a problem with it. I actually like that you feel the need to be all over me.” The girl teased. Nat couldn’t fight the blush that was surely on her cheeks if Lottie’s smirk had anything to say about it.
“Okay stop. Seriously what are you playing at? Are you trying to call me gay or something to get in my head before tomorrow’s match? Because that’s not going to make me let up on you Matthews, I don’t give a fuck.” She was comfortable with the fact that she was bi despite how homophobic her dad had always been, but she wasn’t telling Lottie Matthews of all people that.
“What, no. You literally jump to so many conclusions. But I mean, if you are, I’d be the literal last person to have a problem with that.” Nat didn’t know what the hell that was supposed to mean.
“And why the hell would that be? Besides I’m not. Just because I don’t wear frilly skirts and curl my stupidly long hair, it doesn’t mean I’m gay.” Nat motioned to the dainty outfit that she could tell the brunette spent too much money on.
“So, you’re saying I don’t have a chance.” Nat was stunned into silence because that was not what she was expecting the girl to say. Maybe Lottie didn’t mean it like that, or maybe she was just one of those straight girls who flirted with girls when they were drunk. And Nat could tell by her tone of voice that she was a little drunk. Nat found herself staring at the girl’s pretty features looking for an answer as to what she was implying. After a few seconds, Lottie spoke up.
“Fuck, I’m sorry if that was too forward. I completely respect if you don’t like girls like that. I just think you’re really pretty and alcohol kind of takes away my filter, as you can probably tell. So, I’m sorry for like being weird or whatever. I just got a vibe from you. Wait that probably sounds bad. I’ll just go because I’m clearly just making this even worse. I’m sorry again and seriously good luck tomorrow, I’d be rooting for you if you weren’t literally against me. Okay, I’m going now. Bye.” Lottie turned to leave, but Nat grabbed her wrist to stop her. She seriously was going to regret what she knew she was about to do. But Lottie looked ridiculously cute all flustered like that. And Nat was a little too intoxicated to worry about future Nat’s regrets.
Lottie turned back to face her, waiting for her to say something, clearly shocked that Nat didn’t tell her to fuck off. And Nat didn’t know what to say, so she did what she knew she’d regret, and she kissed her. She had to fucking get on her tiptoes to kiss the tall brunette, who was clearly not expecting it. But it didn’t take long for the other girl to reciprocate. Nat relaxed into the kiss. It was a really good kiss if she was being honest. It had to rank extremely high on the list of people she’d kissed, but that was probably just the alcohol making things better than they really were. Or at least that’s what she told herself.
The brunette smiled into the kiss and cupped Nat’s jaw with her hand, deepening the kiss. Nat responded by tangling her fingers into the girl's soft thick hair. And her hair felt even softer than she’d imagined it to be, which not like she had thought of putting her hands into the girl’s hair before. Okay maybe she had, she’s only human, and despite what she said earlier, soccer being such a close-contact sport had made her think thoughts she couldn’t control when it came to this goddess of a girl. Like seriously there was no other explanation for her to be this pretty.
Lottie gently pulled at her lip, and she stifled the sounds that she refused to let Lottie hear. She was not showing her weakness to this girl. Nat kissed her harder, trying to get a reaction from the other girl to no avail. And that was really starting to piss her off. She was a damn good kisser and Lottie wasn’t appreciating that enough. Lottie moved her free hand to Nat’s waist and started rubbing circles into her side, and it all felt too good. It was becoming increasingly hard not to react. So, Nat knew she had to step it up, to get Lottie to be the first to break. She went to move her tongue into the girl’s mouth and take things even further, but that’s when she felt a smack to the back of her head. And she knew it wasn’t Lottie because one why the fuck would she do that, and two both of Lottie’s hands were currently on her. Nat broke away from the kiss to tell this probably homophobic asshole to fuck off and- oh it was just Jackie.
“Jackie what the hell?” Nat said annoyed. She knew Jackie would lecture her for sleeping with the enemy or whatever the hell but couldn’t that wait until the morning. Lottie didn’t move her hands from the blonde’s waist and Nat could tell that she was annoyed by Jackie’s interruption.
“What the hell? Nat, I know you know who this is and you’re getting a little bit of an audience so maybe keep it PG.” Nat looked around and noticed some weird ass guys watching the interaction, she glared at them. This wasn’t for them but of course, being men, they think everything women do is to entertain them. She went to tell them off, but Jackie grabbed her by the arm.
“Nat, stop. Just get a fucking room or something and we’ll talk about this tomorrow. Don’t think I’ll forget. And Charlotte, if you are playing at something right now, I will cut you. Okay now bye.” Jackie walked off, probably to go back to Shauna if Nat had to guess. Now Nat was left with a stunned Lottie.
“Sorry, that’s just Jackie. She’s kind of like my best friend I guess.” Nat stated truthfully.
“She seems protective over you. I’m glad. You’re so small you need someone equally your size to have your back.” Lottie smiled. Nat couldn’t help but blush a little.
“Shut the fuck up. That’s just what we do, hold each other accountable.”
“I wouldn’t really know. I don’t have a best friend like that.” Lottie said sadly.
“Hey well, I’ll keep you accountable and beat people up for you if you need me to.” Okay why was she saying this, she literally barely knows this girl.
“Hmm. I don’t think you’d have much luck with the beating people up part.” Lottie pinched her side.
“Fuck off.” Nat said but she couldn’t fight the smile forming on her lips, “So what now? We go our separate ways and fight it out on the field tomorrow?” she asked.
“I was actually thinking we could go make out in my hotel room,” Lottie said with her big eyes, and who was Nat to refuse that?
“I like the way you think.” Nat reached for Lottie’s hand and let the girl lead her back towards the hotel where all the teams were staying at. They held hands the whole way there and it felt oddly nice.
After the debatably best hookup of Nat’s life, the two girls sat in Lottie’s bed talking about random things, telling each other random details about their lives. Nat learned that Lottie wasn’t close with the girls on her team because they all thought she was weird, which was their loss. Lottie might be a little strange, but Nat could tell she was a genuinely cool person. Nat wasn’t a virgin or anything but the chatting about mindless things and cuddling was a little more intimate than she’d ever gotten before. Lottie had turned some random shitty romcom on the TV, that she defended when Nat called shitty. It felt so domestic. Nat wasn’t sure how to feel about it.
“So, this is kind of after the fact but where the fuck is your roommate?” Nat asked.
“Out, I guess. I told you I don’t really keep up with these people.” Nat just hummed in acknowledgment. She let her head fall onto Lottie’s shoulder and wrapped her arm around her waist. She blamed it on the alcohol. She’d never do this sober, but if she were being honest, she was tipsy at best. Lottie pressed a kiss into her hair and Nat smiled tiredly. She let herself close her eyes and imagine a life where she could be in a real relationship that felt like this. One that was comforting and not painful. One that felt like gentle warmth but doesn’t burn you alive. It was a nice thought.
Nat must have fallen asleep during the movie because now Lottie was gently shaking her awake. Fuck.
“Nat, wake up. The movie is over.” She whispered gently, combing her fingers through the blonde’s hair. Nat blinked her eyes open.
“What, you’re that eager to get rid of me?” Nat teased.
“No, but I think your friend would literally kill me if I didn’t get you home safely.”
“Hmm, you’re probably right. She’s feisty that one.” Nat said sarcastically, Jackie was as harmless as a puppy. Despite how much she wished she could just stay here with Lottie holding her so gently, she knew Jackie would be dying to know what the fuck happened. And she’d be searching the whole damn city if Nat wasn’t back in the room by morning. Nat detangled herself from the other girl.
“So, are you just going to forget this ever happened?” Lottie questioned, she tried to sound indifferent, but Nat could sense that she cared more than she was letting on.
“I don’t know, are you?”
“I couldn’t.”
“Me neither.” Lottie smiled at the admission and planted a kiss on Nat’s cheek. Nat leaned into it. Lottie reached over her for the nightstand.
“Here, put your number in. I’ll text you.” Lottie handed her the phone.
“Fine, but my husband might not like that.” Lottie hit her playfully. Nat giggled. She giggled. What the fuck was wrong with her? She finished putting her number in and handed Lottie her phone back. She got up to get her things and slid her shorts back on.
“Try not to miss me too much, okay? And I’m still kicking your ass tomorrow on the pitch. This doesn’t change anything.”
“Whatever you say beautiful.” Lottie teased. Nat rolled her eyes and began walking towards the door. She heard Lottie shuffling behind her. Nat turned back when she reached the door.
“So, I guess this is goodbye.” Truthfully after tomorrow, Nat wondered if they’d ever see each other again. Lottie intertwined their hands.
“I can walk you to your room.”
“Okay, I’m not that defenseless.”
“I know, but the offer still stands.” Lottie squeezed her hand like she didn’t want to let her go, but maybe Nat was just imagining things. Lottie leaned in and pressed a fleeting kiss to the blonde’s lips.
“Please don’t be a stranger.” Lottie pleaded.
“Text me,” Nat said before opening the door. She held Lottie’s hand until she physically couldn’t anymore.
Nat smiled the entire way to her room despite herself. She knew nothing real could ever happen between them, but hey their high schools weren’t too far apart. Maybe they could have some sort of summer fling before Lottie inevitably went off to some fancy-ass university. When Nat got back to her room, Jackie and Shauna were already asleep in one of the two beds together holding each other. Nat smiled; they could be cute sometimes. Later, before she went to bed she checked to see if Lottie had texted her like some pathetic loser. She hadn’t. The girl never did end up texting her. It hurt more than Nat would care to admit.
Seriously, Nat didn’t believe in a god so cruel that they would put her on a cruise ship with the girl that she behaved so down badly for just to have said girl ghost her. This had to be one of the most embarrassing things to ever happen to her and that’s saying something. Nat had turned around, hoping and praying to anything that would listen that Lottie did not recognize her.
“Um. Your drinks ma’am.” The bartender announced, probably confused as to why Nat was hiding her face. She turned around to quickly get the drinks keeping her head down.
“You have to pay.”
“Oh right, I’m sorry.” She frantically handed the card to the man. She snuck a quick glance in the brunette’s direction. She was weak, she couldn’t help it. To her avail, Lottie was already looking at her. Nat quickly looked away. The brunette seemed to confirm that it was in fact Natalie and began walking towards her. Great this was just great. Fuck my life. Fuck my life. Fuck my life. F-
“Oh my god, Nat?” Lottie asked in her annoyingly attractive voice.
“Charlotte.” Nat acknowledged, signing the check and desperately wishing to get out of this situation.
“It’s nice to see you. I’ve really missed kicking your ass in soccer.” Okay, Nat couldn’t just let that slide.
“You might have beat us in the literal last minute, but your team got booted in the next round of the tournament. So, you can take that stick out of your ass.” Nat rolled her eyes. Lottie hummed and smiled like she couldn’t take Nat’s annoyance seriously.
“Well, nonetheless I really have missed seeing you. Maybe we could hang out sometime. We’re here for seven days right.” Lottie stated. Seriously why is she acting so normal like she isn’t literally the one that ghosted Nat? It’s really starting to piss her off.
“Yeah, fat chance in hell.” Nat scoffed. She immediately registered the hurt on Lottie’s face and felt guilty for being mean. Wait why did she feel guilty? Lottie’s the one in the wrong.
“I really hope to see you around Natalie, seriously,” Lottie said gently grazing Nat’s shoulder before walking off. Nat stood there for a second to collect herself before grabbing her drinks from the bar and starting her walk back to her friends. What the fuck was her life? Jackie was not going to believe this shit.