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Mystra stormed down into the Demonweb Pits. Usually, she would have ignored the doings of the demon lords, or at least tasked someone else with the problem, but this time, Lolth had gone too far.
“Never thought I’d see you send an avatar down here,” the Spider Queen greeted Mystra. “Come to say hello to a fellow Weaver?”
Mystra made a mental note to figure out which deity was responsible for puns and slap them upside the head. “You know full well why I’m here.”
Lolth sighed. “I know a lot of things, Mystra. What I don’t know is which of the many things I’ve been up to annoyed you enough for you to come here.”
“Of all your vile deeds, this one may be the worst.” Mystra scowled, stamping down the inner voice telling her that perhaps she might have been being a bit overly dramatic.
“See, that really doesn’t narrow it down.”
“Don’t. Play. Dumb.” Mystra waved her hand and showed Lolth the image that had been plaguing her—Gale Dekarios, her former Chosen and lover, in bed with a drow woman, caressing her with not just his own hands, but a spectral blue Mage Hand as well. “You sent one of your followers to seduce him, to turn him away from his mission, to use my Weave in their filthy rutting and make me watch!”
Lolth burst out laughing. “You think I deliberately sent one of my drow after your little plaything? Please. I urge my followers to have standards, Mystra.”
“Standards?” Mystra paused, unsure whether to keep being angry about the initial problem or switch to being angry that Lolth had just accused her of lacking standards.
“Don’t play dumb.” Lolth echoed Mystra’s words. “You of all goddesses should know what my drow generally think of wizards. Celis Icharym is noble-born; the daughter of one of my priestesses. She ought to mate with better stock than some pathetic human with a lower life expectancy than a particularly stupid fly.”
“Gale is excellent mating stock!” Mystra sputtered, realizing right as she said it how stupid she sounded. “I mean…”
“Oh, right, I forgot you fuck mortals.” Lolth rolled her eyes. “I’ll never understand that habit; you always have to hold yourself back when you take a mortal to bed because they’d break if you showed them what you can really do.”
“I did not come here to discuss my sex life,” Mystra snapped.
“Right, you came here because one of my followers is fucking the mortal you used to fuck.” Lolth smirked. “Close enough.”
“Could you be any cruder?”
“Is that a challenge?”
“Absolutely not.” Mystra felt a headache coming on. “If this Celis girl isn’t seducing Gale on your orders, why is she doing it?”
Lolth looked at Mystra like she was an idiot. “Believe it or not, my drow aren’t mindless. Celis claimed this pathetic man because for some reason, she wanted him. Honestly, I think she’s defective, but I keep her around because she’s realistically the best chance of dealing with Bhaal, Bane, and Myrkul’s ridiculous plot. I might kill her or turn her into a drider afterwards, or I might not bother. Disgustingly nice as she is, sometimes she’s entertaining. Plus, Jergal seems to like her, and I don’t see a reason to start anything with him right now.”
“And you’re not constantly tormented by what she’s doing?”
Lolth waved a hand airily. “My eyes are always on all of my drow. I usually don’t focus too much on what one individual’s doing—or who she’s doing, as the case may be. I really don’t see why this bothers you so much; your plaything’s hardly the first to use magic for sex purposes, and he won’t be the last.”
“He was my Chosen!” Mystra protested. “He should—“
Lolth rolled her eyes. “As I recall, you were the one who decided you didn’t want him anymore. You can’t throw away a broken toy and still act like it’s yours. Either pick it up and play with it again or burn the rubbish heap and get rid of it for good. If you won’t do that, don’t be surprised when someone else goes through your rubbish and picks it up. You don’t see me having fits over every drider I’ve discarded, do you?”
“Don’t go holding yourself up as an exemplar of divine behavior.” Mystra turned up her nose. “Your followers don’t even know what you really want.”
“I’m a demon, Mystra.” Lolth chuckled. “Of course I confuse my followers. It’s what I do.”
“So why do you think I should take advice from you, demon?” Mystra stepped closer to Lolth.
“Maybe I don’t.” Lolth grinned. “Maybe I’m trying to trick you into doing the opposite of what I suggest. Maybe I think it’s hilarious watching you pine over a foolish mortal boy who truly believes a silly, defective drow to be a better lover than the Mother of Magic. Maybe I just find you very pretty when you’re sulky and irrational.”
“You find me pretty?” Mystra blinked in confusion.
“I’m a demon queen, Mystra.” Lolth leaned in even closer. “Anyone who tried to fathom my mind would go mad.”
The two goddesses’ lips met for the briefest moment, then Lolth’s mouth turned to a vicious pair of spider mandibles and bit the head off of Mystra’s avatar, returning her consciousness to Elysium. Meanwhile, on the Material Plane, Gale fell asleep in Celis’s arms as she slipped into her trance, both too wrapped up in each other to even consider what their companions in the nearby tent were thinking, much less what could be happening with their goddesses.