Chapter Text
“Did you hear Daebeom? It looks like new people are moving into Angok.”
Daebeom looked up from the cart of books he was currently shelving, staring at Jiyoung curiously.
New people? Why would they move to Angok? Hopefully-
“Hello earth to Daebeom! Did you even hear me?” Jiyoung said, waving her hands in the air sounding practically exasperated at this point.
“Ah— I did. New people are moving here,” he replied quietly.
Jiyoung sighed, tapping her nails on the wooden bookcase next to her. “Aish I just don’t get why people want to move to a boring town like this. Seoul is where it's at”
Daebeom shrugged, turning his attention back to the cart to continue shelving the books. He was almost done, if only-
“They even bought a nice and modern house up in the hills, they could totally afford a place in Seoul.” Jiyoung loudly exclaimed, looking expectantly at Daebeom.
He grimaced slightly, once again turning his attention back to Jiyoung and not the thing he actually wanted to do. Daebeom shrugged again, looking to try and end the conversation as quickly as possible, “not everyone wants to be in Seoul.”
Jiyoung stared at him, eye twitching slightly as if she hadn't heard this conversation a million times before. She always tries to convince Daebeom to go back to Seoul with her once she passes her civil servant exam. Jiyoung just doesn’t understand, there’s nothing good for him left in Seoul.
“Can I finish shelving the books?” he asked quietly.
Jiyoung waved her hand in dismissal, already starting to walk back to her desk. “Fine, yes, but you never know, you may see the new people around. I heard it's a dad and his daughter that are moving in. The library is like the one good thing in this boring town.”
Daebeom shuddered internally at the thought– new people, most likely loud people. His quiet space may be ruined with the new addition. He hoped the new people weren’t the library type. But a father and a daughter? Not many people, let alone a family, would move to a small place like this, so maybe they would be alright. Yeah, new people aren’t always a bad thing.
Daebeom continued his pondering for some time, letting the day slowly slink by as he continued his daily tasks; shelving, reorganizing, binding, cataloging. Again and again and again. The repetition always calmed his mind, keeping his anxieties at bay, turning stressful mornings from bad dreams into calm and quiet evenings smelling of worn crackled pages from the hundreds of books at his fingertips.
Soon it was nearing 8pm, and that meant a wrap to another uneventful day. Perfect for Daebeom. Uneventful meant peace and quiet, with no little feet running down the library corridors, asking him to play soccer with them. Not that Daebeom would say no, tomorrow was Friday, the trio of boys were probably going to show up after classes were over and their antics always managed to brighten his day. He loved looking forward to whatever games they had planned, even if Jiyoung hated them stomping around making loud, obnoxious noises in the library, usually it interrupted her study sessions for the Civil exam.
Standing up from his chair, Daebeom started the nightly routine of closing the library. Quickly giving the building a once over to make sure that everything was in its proper place, he gathered his small amount of items and started the quiet walk home. It was a cool evening, the spring chill still fighting against the soon to be summer heat. Daebeom breathed deeply, the soft breeze smelling of sea-salt and cherry blossoms, and smiled contentedly. Angok was the place for him, no amount of nagging and pestering from Jiyoung could convince him to leave a life of peace and quiet for one of noise and stress.
Daebeom soon reached his house, and prepped a small dinner with the measly scraps of food in his refrigerator. As he was eating, he reminisced about today’s conversation with Jiyoung that made it different from any other day. A new family moving to Angok. He remembered Jiyoung saying they moved into a nice house up in the hills, so he knew he wouldn’t be having any new neighbors then. As Daebeom finished his food and got up to clean the kitchen, his mind wandered once again.
How old is the daughter then? Will she be Bom and Yeoreum’s age? They could finally find another friend to hang out with. That would be good for them, Bom especially needs more good friends like Yeoreum. Is the father like Bom’s? I hope nothing will change even though they moved to the town.
He moved back into the living room, picking up a copy of a new scientific paper about new research into string theory. A team had been studying a small star cluster where the sub-particles surrounding them had a string-like movement. His stomach lurched at the memories rising from his own time studying physics, but he shoved those thoughts away as he continued to read. He wasn’t going to let his past dictate how much he loved to read new research.
Daebeom read for some time, eyes getting heavier as the night went on. Anxiety rolled in his gut, not willing to relent to the pull of sleep. Sleep meant dreams, and dreams usually turned into nightmares, ones of yelling, of finding ice-cold bodies, eyes wide and glassy, chest unmoving. Daebeom’s breaths became shallow as the images of his sister and mother flashed in his eyes, his father screaming at him, him being arrested and taken away from Daebeom.
It should have been you.
Daebeom couldn’t breathe, his chest tight as he fell to the ground on his knees, hands moving into an all too familiar position. He stayed there on all fours, slowly but surely controlling his breathing more and time passed on. In and out.
Not my fault. Not my fault.
Over and over, Daebeom kept repeating this in his head, until it was the only words he could think of.
Daebeom didn’t know what time it was when he finally was able to close his eyes, but with it came the soothing bliss of darkness and peace.
***
Friday finally arrived and with it came the delightful addition of the trio of boys demanding to play soccer. They had sprinted over to his desk, yelling at Daebeom about how they were finally going to beat him this time until Jiyoung yelled at them to take it outside because she was trying to study. They unfortunately weren’t successful in beating Daebeom, but quickly let go of their collective anger over another loss once Daebeom promised to buy them ice cream.
Saturday had started out the same as Friday, and Daebeom was currently enjoying the near-summer breeze that was floating through the window that was near his favorite reading spot. He was partway through a new addition to the library when he heard the familiar twinkling of the bell on the front door. Assuming it was Jun coming to bother him to play more soccer with him, Daebeom paid it no mind and went back to reading his book. Until he heard Jiyoung speak up from behind her desk.
“Hello, how may I help you?”
Daebeom peered over the top of his book to see new unfamiliar people now in the library. A very tall, very handsome man with a little girl hiding behind him, peering at Jiyoung as she gripped the man’s jacket. So this must be the new family that moved to Angok.
The man looked down at his daughter, motioning her to say something, to which she promptly ignored, her grip on his jacket getting tighter. The man sighed, and looked back at Jiyoung.
“Well, I wanted to get her a library card.” His voice was deep and raspy. Like he hadn’t used it in a while, like he didn’t need to.
“Ah well- how old is your daughter? We require library card holders to be 12 years or older.” Jiyoung replied awkwardly, not really expecting someone to want to use the library to read besides occasionally Bom and Yeoreum.
“My niece. She’s seven. Sorry to bother you.” The man sighed, already turning away, ushering his niece to the door.
“If you put the card under your name you can check out books for your niece!” Jiyoung said, quickly motioning to Daebeom to get back to his desk. “You just have to fill out the form and put down your name and address and we will do the rest.”
The man pondered for a second, and seemed to deem the card being under his name satisfactory. Daebeom quickly took the opportunity to get back to his desk and grab the proper paperwork that the man needed to fill out to get his library card.
Handing the paper to the man, Daebeom pointed to the places with a pen on the form the man needed to fill out, and got the camera ready to take his picture for the library card. Now that Daebeom was almost face to face with the man, he now could make out his features.
Long unkempt inky black hair that framed his face nicely, with heavy smudges of purple under gorgeous, lidded eyes, and the beginnings of a five-o’-clock shadow around full lips and a strong jaw. And most prominently, an almost perfect scar slashing through his right cheekbone. Daebeom was surprised at how young he looked despite this, he imagined the father- no uncle- to be nearing his forties but this man barely looked past thirty, albeit one that looked like he needed about a week's, or month’s, worth of rest. Daebeom blushed slightly at his thoughts, he just met this guy, he doesn’t even know his name yet.
The man returned the paper back to Daebeom, who promptly put the information into the computer system. And Daebeom could now put a name to the handsome face before him.
Jeong Jinman.
***
It was a long and quiet drive to Angok.
Jian hadn’t spoken since the incident and Jinman frankly couldn’t blame her. She had lost everything dear to her and was almost killed multiple times. The least Jinman could do is relocate themselves to a small coastal town, where nothing happens. Where Jian could grow up and have as much as a normal life as she could.
After all, it was Jinman’s fault that this happened to her.
Jinman glanced over at Jian, she had fallen asleep sometime ago, clutching her stuffed rabbit tightly against her chest as if she was afraid it would leave her too. Jinman was glad in some part of his soul that she couldn’t remember what had happened to her. He couldn’t bring himself to remind her, to get down and apologize to her that it was all his fault. That her parents were gone because of him, that she couldn’t speak because he couldn’t protect her.
It’s your fault.
Jinman shook his head roughly, chasing the intrusive thoughts away, trying to keep memories from this past month from bubbling up. Protecting Jian is all that mattered now, he wasn't going to let her life be ruined more than it already was.
Jinman soon saw the sign signaling the exit towards Angok, and he slowly followed the GPS to their new home. It was a moderate house, nestled up in the hills, built only a couple decades ago and was recently remodeled per Jinman’s request. A room and bathroom for each of them. A wall around the house that would block out any unwanted guests from peering in, reinforced windows and doors that could withstand 50. Caliber bullets. He wasn’t going to take any chances. Not again.
As Jinman pulled up to the new house, he gently shook Jian awake so that she could begin to gather her stuff while he unloaded the bigger items from the trunk. As Jinman gathered the first bit of bags he watched as Jian struggled to carry her things across the threshold into the house. He watched as she ultimately failed, tripping over the threshold and landing on the ground. Jian looked up at him with wide pleading eyes, trying to figure out a way to ask for help.
Jinman knew he would never be able to fill the space where her mother and father once stood. She needed to be able to take care of herself, to be prepared in case Babylon ever came after him again. Jinman didn’t know when, but he didn’t doubt that they wouldn't take his threats against them seriously. Not after killing people he once considered friends… almost killing an innocent family.
No, he couldn’t be the father figure that Jian needed, but he could help her be prepared for a future he hoped will never happen.
“Listen up Jian,” Jinman rasped out, not wanting to say the words he knew would hurt her, “I am not your father, I’m never going to be your father. He’s gone and I can’t replace him or your mother” Jian’s eyes started filling up with tears at the mention of her parents. “So you’re going to have to learn how to help yourself, how to take care of yourself. Because I’m not going to always be there. Alright?”
Jian just nodded slightly, sniffling slightly before getting up and successfully moving all her things into her new room. Jinman just silently moved the rest of the bags into the already furnished house.
Dinner was a quiet thing that night, words unspoken between the two of them. Jian hadn’t tried communicating to him about anything, seeming to take his words earlier to heart.
Jinman didn’t deserve to feel hurt at the fact that Jian didn’t try to talk with him. Why would she? Why would she ever bother to talk to an uncle that was never there? That she didn’t know existed until about a month ago? That broke a promise that would forever change her?
Jian had quietly left the table sometime ago, leaving Jinman alone to stew in his thoughts. She will do good here in Angok. It’s quiet, it’s safe, it's away from the bustling city, she can get through this, I know she will. She is part of my family, she can get through this. Even if she hates me for the rest of her life she will get through this.
Jinman sighed, letting his head hang as he tried to stave off memories. Of sticky thick blood coating his face, the crack of a gun, the crunching of bone under his fist as he punched over and over and over. The slice of a knife, looking at cold dead eyes that only filled with glee upon killing. It was too much, the memories too fresh, too many good people lost.
His brother’s voice sounded in his head, It’s your fault.
Jinman shot up from his seat, eyes wide and frantic. Babylon was coming for them, they wouldn’t keep their promise. He had to be ready, he needed to protect Jian.
Slowly walking towards Jian’s room, he cracked open the door to find her sleeping soundly, tightly clutching her stuffed rabbit to her chest, forehead pinched together as if she was having a bad dream.
His mothers voice, It’s your fault.
Shutting the door with trembling hands, Jinman turned around to see Bale, one eye wide and murderous, face set with a twisted smile, blood dripping down his face. His voice rang in Jinman’s head, screaming at him. Don’t you get it Jinman? This is your fault, you did this. Because you couldn’t get rid of me properly your entire family is dead, they’re dead AND IT'S YOUR FAULT.
It was his fault. They were right, it was Jinman’s fault. If he had just made sure that Bale stopped breathing, no– if Jinman reported him in the first place when Bale murdered those civilians, his family would be alive. Jian could have had a normal life. It was his fault. It was all his fault.
He didn’t deserve to be the one who lived.
Jinman didn’t realize he had slapped himself until he drew his palm away, his cheek stinging. But he did it again.
And again.
And again.
Over and over and over.
Jinman deserved this, the pain grounding his thoughts with each consecutive hit against himself, a punishment for what had happened, a penance that he needed to pay. Until his skin turned red and puffy and pain was the only thing he knew, the only thing he could control.
Jinman didn’t sleep that night. He couldn’t, not when Babylon could go back on their promise. So he laid awake, handgun next to him, listening for any creak and groan throughout the house. Dreading the time it may not be just a hallucination.
***
Jinman couldn’t remember what happened on Friday, the lack of sleep making his head foggy and memories unfocused. That night he slept out of sheer exhaustion, his body no longer able to tolerate the many sleepless nights it's had.
Saturday morning came with Jinman waking up to Jian staring at him. She was obviously waiting for something, and it took Jinman an absurd amount of time that she was in fact waiting for him. Jinman groaned as he slowly got up, his back creaking from the unnatural position he had slept in last night. He looked over at Jian and realized she was already dressed. He smiled inwardly at her over the fact that she had seemed to take his words on Thursday to heart. Maybe Jian would end up doing good after all.
Jian carefully handed him a little note, her face impassive. Jinman carefully took the note from her and gave it a quick look,
Can we go to the library today?
The library? Jinman searched through any memories he had about Angok and what was in the small town. There was an old billiards club, farmers markets almost every weekend, and - ah that’s right- a public library. Spending the day at the library reading books? It could give Jian the space she no doubt needed away from Jinman.
Jinman nodded his head slightly, ruffling Jian’s hair as he stood up and went to go get ready. He could see the hint of a smile on her face at her request becoming true, and in turn Jinman smiled slightly as well.
Jinman decided to drive Jian to the library today, in case she decided to stay for a bit and read some books. He wanted to be able to run some errands, groceries a must, and he’d rather get it done sooner than later.
It was a quiet sunny day in Angok, perfect for relaxing and reading numerous books as the day lazily passed by. It took about 10 minutes to get to the library. It was small, which wasn’t a surprise to Jinman, with paint slightly chipping off the walls and worn-down wood that told just how long the library had been standing there. Jinman pulled the car into one of the various open spots and stopped the car, watching from his side as Jian excitedly kicked her feet in anticipation to go into the library. She nearly flew out from the truck once he had finally turned off the engine, and turned around, looking at Jinman expectedly. He smiled slightly and got out of the car, and opened the door to the library, Jian clutching his jacket tightly from behind.
Jian was obviously still nervous about strangers, despite the fact that she was still excited to go out and explore the town. The soft tinkling of the bell greeted them when Jinman opened the next door to step inside.
“Hello, how may I help you?”
Jinman looked up to see a woman, probably in her late 20’s, look quizzidly at both him and Jian. They probably don’t get new people often in Angok if that was the first expression that graced her face upon seeing them.
Jinman tried motioning to Jian, in a goad to get her to talk, but she just shrunk back farther away from the librarian, her grip getting impossibly tighter on the hem of his jacket. Jinman sighed, Jian doesn’t seem to want to talk anytime soon. He cleared his throat, “Well, I wanted to get her a library card.”
The woman’s features softened at that, “Ah well- how old is your daughter? We require library card holders to be 12 years or older.”
Jinman’s breath caught slightly at the fact that she thought Jian was his daughter. The people of Angok probably all thought the same as her. He quickly corrected her, already turning to leave the library. “My niece. She’s seven. Sorry to bother you.”
“If you put the card under your name you can check out books for your niece!” The woman said, quickly motioning to a man reading on one the back tables, no doubt another librarian. “You just have to fill out the form and put down your name and address and we will do the rest.”
The man had already quickly returned to his desk, grabbing the form Jinman would need to fill out, tapping with his pen where Jinman would have to sign. He must be like Honda. Jinman thought as he filled in the appropriate information on the form. As he started to hand the paper back to the man, Jinman caught the librarian staring intensely at him, blush dotting his cheeks.
Jinman held back the urge to blush as well, not used to people looking at him so openly- it must be the face scar- and took a moment to look at the librarian as he was focused on getting a camera ready to take Jinman’s picture.
Full lips and soft, brown eyes that spoke of a deep sadness, with long brown hair and golden skin that glowed in the mid-morning sun. Small, lithe hands that shook slightly as he held the camera, whether either out of nervousness or excitement, Jinman couldn’t tell. He watched as the woman said something to the man after he took the picture, with him nodding in return, hands moving in sync with his head as he signed, I got it don’t worry.
The woman made no indication of understanding what the other said, either because she just didn’t know KSL or she just couldn’t be bothered to sign back. The man shyly looked back at Jinman, avoiding eye contact as he handed Jinman his new library card. Jinman bowed slightly as a sign of thanks, ushering Jian to pick out some books she would like to read. He walked slowly behind her, taking the time to browse some of the collections. There were more foreign authors than Jinman expected, Kafka, Chandler, Bradbury, and more.
Jian had already found a couple of books that peaked her interest, eagerly adding a new one to the ever growing pile next to her. Jinman crouched down to meet Jian, softly asking so as not to startle her, “Do you want to read some of those here at the library while I go run some errands?” Jian nodded ecstatically, trying to grab as many books as she could so she could bring them to the checkout line. Jinman smiled softly and grabbed the rest and followed her to the front desk, the stack of books in her arms making a loud thump as they hit the wooden desk.
The woman looked at them quizzingly, “Are you sure you want to check out all these books? We have a two week return policy,” she said, eying the large pile in front of her.
“It’s ok, she wants to read here while I go run some errands.” JInman stated, already trying to end a conversation he didn’t want to have.
“And you’re just going to leave her here? A seven year old?” The judgemental tone of her voice did not escape Jinman.
He was already heading out the door before giving her a harsh glare, “She can take care of herself.”