Chapter Text
Logan stood, solitary, in the empty and still unkempt apartment. He watched helplessly as Thomas shut the door on his way out. Sure, Logan could have gone with him, but he didn't want to. No, he wanted to stew in his anger and be miserable and hold a grudge for a moment.
He hated the other sides. And Thomas. And especially Remus. And he hated the pigsty of an apartment he was forced to live in. And he hated the way Remus was right.
His grip tightened on the long forgotten clipboard, now by his side. He let it fall to the floor. What did Thomas care, the room was already a mess, what was one more thing? What was one more shitty day for Logan? God knew he had already been through plenty.
Every single goddamn interaction with anyone always seemed to devolve into arguments. Arguments that always had to have a fucking resolution. He was sick of the narrative he was forced into. He was so fucking sick and tired of everything.
He retreated to his room, unable to stand the horrifying state of Thomas's apartment. His room was clean and neat and tidy and exactly how he liked it. He could just lay in bed and look up at the stars that covered his ceiling and for once, be the most important person.
He missed this. Just him, alone, under the stars. Alone. Always alone. The other sides bothered him, Logan would tell himself, the only way he would truly be at peace is if he were alone. And yet, every time he was finally by himself, he craved someone to share in his joys with. He could only point out constellations to himself so many times.
As much as he didn’t want to think about Remus, Logan’s mind eventually wandered back to the duke’s words. Despite how he hated admitting this about anyone other than himself, he was right. He hated the way the other sides would ignore and overlook him. They even chose Patton for a lawyer over him. He knew more about the law and court than any of the others and they quite literally sidelined him.
Logan couldn’t quite explain how fucking angry it made him. He was not a joke, nor something to be taken lightly, and yet he was treated like a suggestion. Patton straight up refused to listen to him when faced with a different point of view, Janus impersonated him and threw him to the side, Remus made a mockery of him and assaulted him, and Roman was just mean for the sake of being mean. The only one he remotely got along with was Virgil.
And even then, with the one side that even slightly understood him, Logan still managed to mess things up and cause problems and arguments and make Virgil hate him. He couldn’t really explain why that thought bothered him so much.
When he considered the idea of Roman, or Patton, or even Thomas harbouring such ill will towards him, he was bothered, yes, but somehow it didn’t even begin to compare to the thought of Virgil disliking him. The small glances and passing words he shared with the anxious side meant more to him than, well, a lot of things. It was uncharacteristically illogical.
The anxious side made him feel… weird. ‘Icky complicated human emotions’ as he once put it, though that was referring to star trek characters so maybe it applied less. But ‘icky complicated human emotions’ summed up pretty much everything he felt, towards Virgil or anything else for that matter. Emotions were far from his strong suit, on the contrary, in fact. To quote himself, “I've never felt anything in my life.”
Logan closed his eyes and let out a deep breath. Emotions were hard. Especially when you were forced to push down everything you felt because it was ‘unbecoming’ of you. He knew repression wasn’t a long-term solution, he knew it would fail eventually. He just wasn’t ready for it to start failing now. He had been finding it harder and harder to keep up his robotic facade, especially when his anger seemed to so easily overwhelm him.
His eyebrows furrowed as he rose up in a new location, no doubt the result of another side summoning him. He kept his eyes closed as his anger resurfaced, the lack of control he possessed was yet again proven. He couldn’t deny the ambivalence he still felt towards Patton for telling Thomas his name without even asking him first. Sure, he wasn’t too protective of his name, certainly far less than the other sides, barred Remus, but it was still quite tactless for the side that was supposed to be the most caring.
“Logan?” Virgil’s quiet voice spoke, startling an unexpecting Logan and pulling him from his thoughts. His eye’s shot open, darting to look at Virgil sat against the tree trunk. He looked so small like that, almost adorable. No, adorable certainly wasn’t the word he was looking for. Precious? Charming? Endearing? Something along those lines. His frustration only seemed to grow as the word he was searching for evaded him.
“What do you want?” Logan asked, unable to keep the annoyance out of his voice. The last thing he wanted was to be summoned, and yet here he fucking was, watching Thomas and Nico on their art-watching outing. And yet again, he was lashing out at Virgil for no real reason.
“Are you really that pissy over Thomas not sticking to your ‘schedule’?” Roman responded mockingly, having that goddamn smarmy smirk on his face, the same one he always did when he made fun of Logan.
“No, I-“
“Oh, get over yourself, spreadsheet. So, what if he didn’t wash a few dishes, you’ll be fine, Rome didn’t fall in a day,” the prince said, disregarding everything Logan was going to say, simply because he didn’t really care. It’s not like he wasn’t interested in what the logical side had to say (well, he wasn’t) but Thomas and Nico were just simply more important.
Logan forced down the sheer rage he felt at Roman’s interruption. Yet again he wasn’t even given the chance to explain himself or offer his point of view or even speak more than two goddamn words.
“Well, that’s a misquote and so-“
“Oh, come on Logan, no need to be a pouty professor. Roman’s right, we should all be supportive of Thomas right now. He needs this.” Patton spoke this time and yet again, Logan shoved down the visceral anger that filled his entire body.
“I suppose there are worse distractions. This is... fine.”
“Lying, Logan? Really?” Janus asked, smirking as he looked down at the very obviously lying Logic. He was a surprisingly bad liar, though Janus supposed Logan's whole ‘taking Thomas’s emotions into account’ was a fairly recent development.
“Janus,” Logan started to speak with a hint of surprise in his voice, looking up at the tree Deceit was sitting in and wondering if he were a tree dwelling snake species as well as if he were venomous and if so, what antivenom would be used to treat a bite from him. He was pulled from his thoughts by an awfully rude cough from the half-snake in question.
“I wasn’t lying, this is fine,” Logan insisted, his lips tightening into a frustrated frown. He knew full well that he was lying, this was so far from fine. The apartment was still a huge mess, and he was still angry, and he had been interrupted twice already.
“I totally believe you,” Janus said sarcastically, drawing out his words. The air tasted foul with the logical sides lies, like a mix of decaying wood and dust.
“Thank you,” Logan said, face returning to neutral as he held back a small smile. Of course, he knew that Janus was being sarcastic, he wasn’t totally oblivious to social cues. But he wanted to pretend, just for a moment, that anyone, even if it was only deceit, believed him.
“I was-” Janus was going to correct him but something about how pathetic he seemed made him change his mind, “ah, forget it.” It was pity, nothing more.
Silence fell over the two sides, briefly interrupted by Roman’s loud lackadaisical sighs and somehow louder gaze of whimsy. Logan’s face lapsed back into a frown as he looked upon Thomas and Nico, something about the clear romantic tension irked him. Something felt so wrong. They were clearly romantically interested in each other and yet no official courtship appeared to be taking place. It was almost frustrating. The pieces were right there, ready to be put together and yet, they were still separate.
“Logan, can you calm down? I can hear your thoughts,” Virgil spoke from below him, rubbing his temple to ease his slowly forming headache. He could see the agitated signs in Logan from a mile away and the small, not yet fucked up, part of him cared. The larger, corrupted, part of him just wanted to get him away from Janus.
“How? I’m not speaking out loud. By definition thoughts are a product of thinking or other mental activity, not spoken words.”
“Sit down,” Virgil said, rolling his eyes at the logical side taking his words literally yet again. Logan begrudgingly agreed, sitting next to Virgil, though far more uncomfortably. He didn’t quite get how the anxious side was able to relax so easily against the harsh roughness of the tree bark.
“Ignore everything Janus said to you.”
“Why?”
“Because he’s deceit , he’s a liar,” Virgil pointed out, placing emphasis on Janus’s title. The half-snake was not to be trusted, even if he occasionally made a few somewhat decent points. His mind was racing with all the hundreds of possibilities of how deceit would corrupt him and turn Logan against the light sides or exploit his insecurities.
“What do you think he said to me?” Logan inquired, seeing the animosity Virgil held towards deceit and wondering where it was birthed. Sure, Janus wasn’t the kindest of people, but the anxious side seemed to hold a special sort of hatred towards the snake. It was odd.
“I don’t know, something to make you angry?”
“Do you remember what cognitive distortions are?” Logan asked, preparing himself to have to recap his previous lessons or at the very least have to guide Virgil into understanding the point he was trying to make. He understood that it was difficult to recognise when oneself was falling into such thinking traps and he truly didn’t mind assisting the others, but he felt so futile when it was done over and over with no progress.
Virgil sighed, realising exactly what Logan meant.
“I jumped to a conclusion,” he said, his voice lowering out of slight embarrassment at being called out. Logan did have a point, there was no evidence to suggest what Janus was talking about, it didn’t appear to be the cause of the logical side’s turmoil, so he shouldn’t have assumed.
“You listened,” Logan said, a distinct fondness in his voice. He couldn’t help the fuzzy feeling he felt whenever something he taught was actually remembered and applied. It was the closest approximation to joy that he actually felt.
“Of course I did. Roman and Patton may be idiots, but I’m not.” Virgil glanced at the maybe idiots and question, scoffing internally at the awestruck expressions they wore. He didn’t actually think they were idiots, but they were far too idealistic for his taste. It’s why he preferred the company of Logan, he was quite the pragmatist. Something about the other side’s affinity for unbiased facts, was actually oftentimes quite helpful.
Logan was going to say something in response, though Roman beat him to it.
“Geeks, shush! I’m revelling in the romantic tension”
Ever the rule follower, Logan did as he was told and shushed.