Chapter Text
Ianto knew that there were worse ways to be woken than by Miley Cyrus' latest hit blaring out from his radio alarm: he'd experienced most of them too. It didn't make the situation any more pleasant, even if he did appreciate the normality of the situation.
He'd been doing that a lot lately, appreciating the little things. True, his life with Torchwood had never been normal but spending two years enslaved by a cruel alien master, when rape and beatings were everyday occurrences, tended to give you a different outlook on life. Little things like food and clothing, kind words and smiles from someone who cared, they all seemed much more special now; he’d never take them for granted again.
He reached out, swiping at the alarm clock with one hand and silencing the music. Breathing a sigh of relief he cocooned himself in the duvet, snuggling down in the bed and closing his eyes again. It was nice to be able to lie there and not have to follow anyone's orders. There was no one he had to get up for, not anymore. It had taken him a while to get used to his newly gained freedom and some days were still easier than others, but after two weeks of being back home - two blessedly quiet weeks - Ianto was finally getting used to freedom again.
His peace ended far too soon. The door swung open and after a flurry of footsteps, the bed sagged beside him. Warm breath caressed his exposed cheek accompanied by a breathy laugh. He tried to bury his face in his pillow and ignore his visitor. It didn't work; the pressure on the bed beside him shifted so that the person was looming over him, one hand on either side of his body, face hovering over his.
There was another laugh. "I know you're awake, you can stop pretending," Jack said. He bent closer, his lips brushing over Ianto's forehead. "Don't make me tickle you, 'cause I will, you know."
Ianto made an involuntary squeak as hands dropped to his hips, fingers extended to seek out the most sensitive points. He poked his head out over the duvet. "Please! Jack, no!"
He squirmed away from the Captain's hold. Jack laughed, removing his hands from Ianto’s hips but not before he’d poked him gently in the side.
“Get up then. Breakfast is ready - or it will be when you've worked some coffee magic." He adopted his best pleading smile, the one Ianto could never resist. “You wouldn’t want all my hard work to burn and go to waste, would you?”
With a sigh, Ianto pushed back the covers and swung his feet over the edge of the bed. "Alright, I'm up." He leant forward, meeting Jack's lips with his own in a brief, chaste kiss. Pulling back, he gestured at the bedroom door. "Maybe you should check on the bacon before you burn the flat to the ground."
Jack yelped, jumping to his feet and fleeing the room. When he had gone, Ianto climbed to his feet, yawning and stretching languorously. He'd been wrong before, he mused. He still had to look after someone and do as they wanted. The difference was that, with Jack, Ianto enjoyed it. He had no qualms about taking care of Jack; he received gratitude everyday in the form of kind words and gentle touches. Jack never asked for too much, either; he accepted that Ianto wasn’t ready to restart their sexual relationship and even if his body occasionally betrayed his desire and need for Ianto, Jack would never make that first move.
Even if Ianto couldn’t yet bring himself to take care of Jack sexually, he was happy to take care of him in every other way he could. Jack had rescued him from slavery, given him his life back and cared about him, even when Ianto wasn't sure he deserved to be. Even a small part of what Jack had done for him would have been enough to make Ianto do anything he asked.
He grabbed his dressing gown from where it hung on the back of his door and wrapped it around himself, luxuriating in the feel of the warm, expensive fabric against his skin. It had been a present from Jack, the first of many. Jack had showered him with affection since their return and Ianto half suspected it was an attempt to alleviate the guilt and blame Jack had placed on himself over Ianto's being taken by the Rift and his subsequent enslavement. It had taken some getting used to: even before the rift Ianto had been the one who took care of everyone around him and having the tables turned so suddenly was slightly unnerving, even if it was also quite pleasant.
Heading into the kitchen, he smiled to see Jack busy at the oven, the mess on the counter tops around him testament to the time he had spent creating this meal. Resisting the urge to tidy up after Jack, Ianto moved slowly over to the coffee machine and began to prepare their drinks.
By the time he had finished, the heady aroma of fresh coffee filling the air, Jack was already placing two full English breakfasts on the table. Ianto went to join him, smiling as Jack lifted the coffee to his lips to inhale the steam before placing it on the table.
Jack caught the smile, raising his eyebrow as he started on his breakfast. “I’ll have you know I’ve been awake for hours without any of your coffee.”
Ianto looked away, staring at his food and biting his lip as he fought to subdue the wave of guilt that had surged through him at Jack’s words. “I kept you awake again last night, didn’t I; with my nightmares.”
Jack shook his head, reaching across the table to tug Ianto’s hand into his and giving it a gentle, comforting squeeze. “I don’t need much sleep anyway, Ianto. Even if I did, I’d rather be there for you.”
Ianto had woken him with his screams, four times in fact. It had torn at Jack’s heart to see his lover so frightened, even as he had wrapped his arms around him and whispered comforting words into his ear until he had calmed.
“A few sleepless nights are nothing to me, Ianto. Especially compared to what you’ve been through.”
Ianto didn’t look any less guilty as he looked up to meet Jack’s gaze. He murmured, “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be,” Jack told him, “you’ve nothing to be sorry for. You’ve been through something terrible, Ianto; I’m hardly surprised you’re having nightmares. I know he’s on your mind all day and it doesn’t seem fair that he should haunt your nights too but I promise they’ll get better. You’ll never forget Talomi or what he did to you and a part of you will always fear him, but you’ll get stronger, you’ll stop watching the shadows and waiting for him to jump out at you. Then the dreams won’t come as often, and you’ll realise that he doesn’t scare you like he used to - that you’ve survived.”
Ianto managed a weak smile. “Why do you always manage to sound so wise?” He stabbed at a piece of sausage on his plate. “You make everything sound so easy, but right now I can’t imagine ever not being afraid of him.”
“Give it time,” Jack assured him. “That’s all you can do. You’re doing so well already, Ianto. A lot of people wouldn’t be coping half as well as you are at this point. A lot of people wouldn’t be coping at all. You though – you’re amazing.”
Ianto blushed. “It’s all because of you, you know. I’d never have gotten this far without you being there for me.”
“Hey,” Jack replied, grinning a little. “You know I’m always going to be here for you, Ianto. I love you.”
Ianto blushed again, looking a little uncomfortable as he looked down at his food. “I know,” he told Jack. Then, after a brief pause he continued. “We should really finish breakfast before it goes cold. And we need to get to work, Myfanwy will be getting hungry. She’s only just forgiven us for leaving her alone for so long. I don’t want to upset her again.”
Had he looked up he would have seen the look of disappointment and pain that flickered over Jack’s face. It was gone in an instant, and none of it was present in his voice as he agreed. “Yeah, we wouldn’t want that.”
***
“So,” Jack said as they entered the hub, almost shouting to be heard over the door alarms. “If you put the coffee on, I’ll go and feed Myfanwy and our guests in the vaults.”
Ianto frowned, pausing on his way to the coffee machine and turning to look at Jack. “I can do that, you probably have better things to do. I really don’t mind.”
He didn’t either. He had never had a problem with feeding their residents but since their return Jack had altered his job description considerably on the insistence that Ianto was not to be made to feel like a slave.
Jack only shook his head though. “You deal with your caffeine-deprived Captain, Ianto. I can handle a hungry pterodon.”
“I know you can,” Ianto said, “I just...” He shook his head, running a hand through his hair, deciding against further protestations. He didn’t want to cause Jack any more trouble. “It doesn’t matter.”
He missed the look of concern on Jack’s face as he headed over to the coffee machine. As much as he appreciated Jack’s efforts to lighten his workload he did miss some of his old jobs. The archives and the coffee machine may have remained his exclusive domain, but cleaning and general maintenance had been divided between the three of them. Most regrettably, Gwen had taken charge of the tourist information centre, a task that Ianto had occasionally genuinely enjoyed. Due to her pregnancy, Gwen had been taken off active duty, forcing Ianto into the field much sooner than he would have liked. The last few weeks had been quiet, thankfully, with just a few rogue weevils that had helped boost his confidence.
Ianto was grateful to Jack for his efforts but at the same time he missed his old routines.
Just as he was filling two mugs with coffee, the cog door slid open and Gwen strolled in. She waved a hand at Ianto, face falling as she smelled the coffee. She rubbed her hand over her stomach tenderly, shooting him a mock glare.
“A gentleman would switch us all to decaf, so I didn’t have to smell the good stuff every morning,” she complained, heading across the room to her work station.
Ianto smiled, transferring the cups to a tray. “A gentleman would ensure that you experienced no stress. You and Jack butt horns enough as it is, you’re already hormonal – I’m not making him worse by depriving him of caffeine.” He smiled, trying to push aside all his worries lest Gwen see them and become concerned. “Let me take Jack his coffee, then I’ll be back to make a pot of decaf.”
“Oh, Ianto, you’re a love,” Gwen said, as she reached his side. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
She reached up, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek. Ianto flinched slightly, the movement missed by Gwen. Ianto was glad of that; he didn’t want to hurt her, and there was no explanation that he could give that wouldn’t do that.
He was relieved when she pulled back, heading off to her work station with a final smile. Ianto picked up the tray carrying Jack’s coffee and turned to head to his office. As he approached, he realised Jack was standing behind the glass, watching him closely. Ianto swallowed, shifting his gaze on the tray as he wondered how much Jack had seen. Gwen’s coffee would have to wait; Jack wasn’t going to let him go without an explanation.
Forcing back his nerves, he headed closer to Jack’s office, pushing open the door and stepping inside.
“What was that about?” Jack asked, as he accepted the coffee from Ianto, taking a small sip. “With Gwen, I mean.” He quirked an enquiring eyebrow. “She’s not going to hurt you, you know. You can trust her.”
His tone was not accusatory, rather concerned and gentle.
“I know,” Ianto told him “It’s just that I don’t like being touched like that, so intimately, without warning.” He sank into the chair opposite Jack’s desk, cradling his own coffee cup in both hands. “It’s stupid I know.”
“It’s not stupid,” Jack chided gently, his voice softened as he continued. “I can understand you not liking being kissed, although you’re fine when it’s me doing it. Why is it different with Gwen?”
Ianto shrugged. “I don’t know, it just is different with you. You’ve always been there for me, you helped me recover this far. I trust you – I trust Gwen too, but...” he trailed off, playing with the cuffs of his shirt. “She just...”
“Comes on kinda strong?” Jack suggested. At Ianto’s nod he smiled. “Yeah, I know. She’s not the easiest person to be around when you don’t want to deal with people.” He frowned, studying Ianto over the rim of his coffee cup. “You could tell her, she’d understand then.”
“No!” Ianto shook his head, getting to his feet abruptly. He ran his hands through his hair. “She can’t know. If she knew she’d be unbearable. And I don’t want to talk about it. Not yet.”
Jack nodded. “I do understand but, Ianto, not talking about it doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. You can’t ignore these things; that’s how they get a hold over you.”
“I know,” Ianto said, meeting Jack’s gaze. “But I can talk to you, Jack, can’t I?”
He knew he sounded desperate, but couldn’t bring himself to care. Jack was a good listener, and afterwards he knew how to alleviate Ianto’s pain and worries. If he spoke to Gwen, told her what he’d been through, she would smother him with concern and though she would think she was acting for the best, it wasn’t what Ianto wanted.
“You can always talk to me.” Jack stepped up beside Ianto, dropping his hand onto Ianto’s shoulder. “And I’ll speak to Gwen, ask her to ease off a little.”
“Thanks,” Ianto murmured. “It really isn’t her, Jack. You’re just different. I can smell your pheromones, so I know it’s you. They make me feel safe. Gwen just... doesn’t have that. She’s not you.”
Jack smiled. “Well, no one else could match up to this level of charm.” Sobering, he crouched down beside Ianto’s chair, hand dropping to rest on Ianto’s arm. “I’ll sort it out, Ianto. Don’t worry. Now, about earlier, what doesn’t matter?”
Ianto shook his head, trying to think up a way to dispel Jack’s enquiries. Once he met the Captain’s eyes however, he realised that Jack wouldn’t be so easily deterred. He sighed. “It’s just a little strange, you doing my jobs. I’ll get used to it.”
“You will,” Jack nodded, “because its not going to change. I’m not letting you go back to doing more than your fair share around here. You already do too much for us, especially for me. And while I won’t deny I like having someone to take care of me, it isn’t something you have to do.” Jack paused, lowering his gaze as he continued, almost in a whisper. “You do too much, Ianto. To think that I could ever treat you even fractionally as badly as he did...”
Ianto twisted round in his seat to stare at Jack. His breath caught on seeing the Captain’s downcast expression, the pain and worry in his eyes. He truly believed what he’d said, that he could be even half as cruel as Talomi. He placed his hand on Jack’s cheek, turning his face upwards to meet his eyes.
“You could never be even half as bad as him. Please don’t think that,” Ianto said, not letting Jack turn his face away. “I don’t mind looking out for you, really. I want to, because I care about you. You deserve looking after and if I can do that, even just a little, it’ll go some way to repaying you for everything you’ve done for me.”
“You don’t have to repay me, Ianto,” Jack replied, reaching up to cover Ianto’s hand with his own. “Having you back is enough for me. It always has been.”
Ianto smiled, leaning down to press a small kiss to Jack’s lips. “But I want to,” he said softly. “That’s why I do it.”
Jack looked as if he was going to argue, but before he could the noise of the Rift alarm filled the Hub. Jack sprang to his feet, heading towards the door to his office with Ianto close behind.
“What’ve we got Gwen?” Jack called as he strode across the Hub.
Gwen turned away from the rift monitor. “Rift spike, centre of Bute Park,” she told them. “I don’t suppose there’s any chance of me coming with you?”
Jack shook his head. “Not if I want to keep everything intact. You’re on comms, try and get some idea of what we’re dealing with here. Ianto, you’re with me.”