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It's Not Me, It's You, Hojo

Summary:

What happens when you meet your mate on a blind double date - except, they’re not your date.

Pairings:
Hojo + Kagome; Inuyasha + Kikyo; Inuyasha + Kagome endgame

 

🌟Winner for "Best Humor/ Parody" for FeudalConnection's 2025 1st Term Inuyasha Fandom Awards🌟

Notes:

Happy (much belated) birthday, Moonkissed! <3

You are a beloved artist in the Inuyasha fandom. You have been so generous with your time and talent, creating beautiful works of art for numerous fanfics, including my own. It is an honor to gift this story to you. I hope you enjoy!

Special shoutout to those who contributed:

SplendentGoddess is credited with the mismatched, HojKag + InuKik blind double date premise. Thank you so much for your blessing to write this!

Jewel_shard for helping develop the funny bit about nuts *winks*

And thanks to anyone who provided encouragement and comments.

Chapter 1: Prick

Chapter Text

“I’m still not totally sure about this, Kikyo..” Kagome confessed with a frown on their walk to the restaurant.

She rubbed her palms back and forth along the soft cashmere covering her arms to ward away the chill. She knew she should’ve worn a coat. Despite the sunshine, her forest green off-the-shoulder sweater, high-waisted charcoal pleated mini skirt, and trusty espresso knee-high boots failed to provide enough warmth on this cool fall day in the city.

“Kagome, it’s just for fun!” Her cousin chided with a smile and not for the first time since they departed Kagome’s flat. She light-heartedly jabbed a finger into Kagome’s side where she knew the young woman ticklish. Kikyo’s scheme worked: Kagome laughed. “It’s good for you to put yourself back out there after calling off your engagement to Koga. It’s been, what - six months, now? This blind double date Sango set up for us is you dipping your toe back into the dating pool, Kaggy, that’s all.”

Blue eyes crinkling, Kagome smirked at her cousin for the use of her childhood nickname. She slid her arm around the crook of Kikyo’s elbow and pulled her companion closer. Unlike Kagome, Kikyo had worn a double-breasted eggplant coat and was perfectly toasty.

Kagome laid her head on the taller woman’s arm and let out an acquiescing sigh. “You’re right, KiKi.” She snuggled against Kikyo with an ulterior motive: to steal any residual warmth.

“Of course, I am. Aren’t I always?” Kikyo teased, snuggling back. “There’s no pressure whatsoever -”

The abrupt and shrill, whining sound of an accelerating motorcycle cut Kikyo off. Kagome made to cover her ears, but it was too late. The bike whizzed past them so closely and at such a high speed, turbulent air whipped around them, tossing their hair about wildly and even blowing up the hem of Kagome’s skirt.

“Hey!” Kagome fumed, knocking her knees together and slapping the front of her garment back down onto her thighs. Clutching the fabric in indignation, she glowered in the motorcyclist’s direction just in time to spy the helmeted driver looking over his shoulder (because obviously it was a man) back at her and Kikyo.

“You idiot!” Kagome stormed two steps after him and shook her fist, but he was gone, disappearing after a turn onto a side street. “Ugh!” She huffed, stomping her foot. “Can you believe the nerve of some people?”

“Uh-huh.” Kikyo answered distractedly. She had already pulled out her compact and was busy fixing her unruly locks.

Kagome turned on her heel and snorted as if to dismiss the man. Seeing Kikyo and realizing her hair, too, must appear disheveled, she carded her fingers through her wavy tresses before she snagged a red ribbon from her purse. Kagome used the fabric to secure her black strands into a high ponytail. She fluffed the tip with a few flicks of the back of her hand, twirling her fingers around the ends from habit. The hairstyle accentuated the neckline of her top, at least.

“Jerk.” Kagome muttered under her breath, her anger still festering. His juvenile antics caused her to flash her underwear to everyone on the block, after all! She demanded justice!

Kikyo tutted, clicking her compact closed and dropping it back into her bag. “Forget about him. It’s not like we’ll ever see him again, anyway. Besides,” She grinned, “I bet he did it on purpose. I think he liked.. the show.” Chuckling, she elbowed Kagome.

“Oh, you stop!” Kagome slapped Kikyo away, which only increased the woman’s laughter.

“Come on! You know it’s kind of funny. And now that you’re all warmed up,” Kikyo poked fun at the red hue painted across Kagome’s cheeks, “you’re ready to meet our dates, whom I’m sure are perfect gentlemen.”

Kagome only hummed in response. For some reason, she couldn’t get the image of the black-clad figure looking back at her out of her mind. Him speeding by on that motorcycle annoyed her, but it also.. excited her. Plus, judging from the glimpse she obtained of the driver, he looked kinda tall with some pretty broad shoulders. Like the sort of guy who might toss you around a little bit -

A sharp, short prick on the pad of her pinky jarred Kagome from her thoughts. Curious, she turned her palm upwards to examine it, running her thumb over the finger in question. The flesh was smooth and unblemished; nothing appeared amiss. Had she imagined it?

She shook her head at herself.

Kikyo was right.

She’d never see him again.