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Buck’s got it bad, plain and simple. Well, honestly, things did not feel plain nor simple to Buck. Buck was spiraling and he had been for weeks now. First, Tommy had dumped him, which hurts so much less than Buck thought it would. He had expected for the pain to sink in when he was sat on his best friend’s couch, that the shock would wear off and be replaced with that deep hurt in his chest that he was used to.
Buck knew that part of the reason he didn’t feel strongly about the break-up was because of what happened directly after, while he was sat on Eddie’s couch. He’d been confused when Eddie had opened the door in his underwear (risky business attire, he was told), sure, but then Eddie sat next to him and told him that he went and saw a priest who told him to stop punishing himself and now he thinks he’s bisexual. Buck had been supportive, asked questions, and agreed to help Eddie navigate his journey by answering whatever questions he had no matter how embarrassing they might seem. He knew he had to be a good friend for Eddie, even if his mind and heart were racing and he was one look at a toilet away from getting sick.
Eddie might be bisexual. His Eddie might be bisexual.
Eddie came out to Buck with no inclination that he had any real interest in him. Why was that Buck’s first thought? Why did that hurt so fucking bad? Eddie was his best friend. Just his best friend. That’s all they’d ever been. Why did the news of Eddie being a possibility for Buck suddenly change everything? In an instant Buck was flooded with love for Eddie, not the familial kind of love he’d always had with his best friend, but a throat-clenching, heart-stopping kind of romantic love he’d never felt in his life. With anyone, not even Abby, who he swore he’d loved with his entire fucking heart.
And fuck, it wasn’t Tommy that Buck had wanted, was it? It was fucking Eddie. Buck didn’t know what he was supposed to do with the information, so he’d done what he did best and painted a convincing smile and was the best friend he could be to Eddie.
Until he’d gotten home.
Well, almost home. Buck pulled over on his way home to empty his stomach contents on the side of the road (3515 Oak st, Buck sincerely apologizes for the state of your front lawn). He’d planned to stay the night at Eddie’s and he’d had more than a couple beers and knew Eddie wouldn’t let him drive home anyway, but there was no way Buck was going to be able to sleep. Not in Eddie’s house. Not on Eddie’s couch. Not where everything smelled like Eddie and there were pictures all over of him, Eddie, and Chris filling him with feelings of family and forever. Instead, he chugged water, ate like 3 slices of bread, and laid on the couch long enough to sober up after Eddie had gone to bed and left after scribbling a note to Eddie that he’d felt a migraine coming on and wanted to suffer in his own bed.
Once he was home, he paced the length of his apartment for hours, talking to himself and spinning through thoughts of the last six+ years. It was seven am when he came to grips with the fact that he was in love with Eddie Diaz. He still hasn’t come to grips with the fact that Eddie isn’t interested in him and it’s been twenty-six days. Twenty-six days since Tommy dumped him. Twenty-six days since Eddie came out to Buck. Twenty-six days since Buck’s heart had filled to bursting and broke all in one.
It’s been twenty-three days since Eddie asked Buck if he’s fingered himself before. Which, thankfully, had been over text and meant that Buck could honestly tell him that yes definitely and had been for years before he knew he was bisexual without Eddie seeing how stupid fast Buck got hard at the thought of Eddie masturbating. It was difficult for Buck to process any new information in regards to Eddie and his newfound journey to joy. Every scenario gave him whiplash as his heart and his mind battled. He was flattered that Eddie trusted him enough to ask questions, he was proud of Eddie for finding pleasure instead of punishing himself, he wished so fucking desperately to spread Eddie out and show him just how good he can feel, and he felt so goddamn guilty for thinking these thoughts about Eddie.
It’s been twenty-two days since Buck amazon same-day delivered his favorite brand of lube to Eddie’s house. He was a little tipsy after a shift and sent Eddie an explanation that good lube can make all the difference. He’d avoided Eddie for a few days after that as guilt ate him alive until Eddie had 24 hours off and sent Buck a text halfway through that the lube was “perfecto”. A quick “glad it worked” text later and Buck was locking himself in a stall at the station, furiously stroking his cock until he came into his own hand at the thought of Eddie using the lube Buck bought him. He’d spent the next few days punishing himself, refusing himself any pleasure. He refused to think about how he was so far gone for Eddie he was even copying his punishments. He’d gone back to the diet he was on when he was donating sperm, knowing he hated it. He’d refuse to jerk off, letting himself get painfully hard until it went away, or he stepped into a cold shower. He hadn’t watched his favorite shows or movies. He hadn’t gone out with any of the crew. He’d just locked himself away in his apartment, reminding himself again and again that he was a terrible person and a worse friend.
It’s been sixteen days since Eddie went to a gay bar and texted Buck all about it and the guy he’d made out with on the dance floor. Again, Buck texted him praise for finding his joy and asked what he thought about it. When Eddie responded that it confirmed he liked men, Buck congratulated him and welcomed him to the bisexual club while he laid in bed feeling sorry for himself. He was losing his best friend and it was his own damn fault. He knew Eddie wasn’t pulling away from him, he knew that Eddie loved him like a brother and that at some point the dam’s going to break and Buck’s going to have to pull away. He wasn’t sure he could go back to normal anymore. They couldn’t be the same old BuckandEddie anymore, not when Buck had to put his heart and soul into remaining normal enough at work that people wouldn’t ask questions. It wasn’t easy. Eddie knew him well and had asked a few times if something was wrong, but seemed to be satisfied when Buck said he was still getting over Tommy. Or at least, he always seemed to change the subject after. He wasn’t going to be able to do this forever, though. He was exhausted. He hadn’t been sleeping well, probably because he didn’t do anything anymore. He just worked and came home and sat on his couch, wallowing like a teenager.
It’s been six days since Eddie exchanged blowjobs with that guy from the bar and told Buck how much he liked sucking dick. The thought of Eddie with his lips wrapped tightly around a dick aroused him and made him sick to his stomach. Like always, Buck told Eddie he was proud of him and agreed that sucking dick was an a+ good time. And Like always, Buck spent the next twenty-four hours repeating the knowledge that Eddie has sucked a cock (that wasn’t his) and loved it in his mind, both proud of his best friend and disgusted by his own sick jealousy. He had no reason to be jealous of this man. He had no claim on Eddie. He’d love to, but he wasn’t insane. He knew that all of this jealousy and need he felt for Eddie was something he had to keep tampered down before he made a fool of himself and acted on it. That was a level of embarrassment that even punishment!Buck couldn’t handle.
It’s been two days since Eddie texted Buck and told him he wanted to buy a sex toy, a dildo specifically, and felt overwhelmed by the selection and asked Buck to just pick one and send it to him, like he had with the lube. Buck and Eddie shared an amazon prime account that had both of their cards on it, so Buck knew that Eddie assumed he’d go onto amazon and buy it with his card. Instead, Buck’s mind hatched a truly insidious plan, one that if discovered he might just have to leave the 118. Instead of going on amazon, Buck scooped up his keys and drove to his nearest sex shop and bought one of the kits that lets you clone your dick and a dildo that looked to be similar in size to his own cock. He’d gone home and immediately got to work, his mind too clouded by lust to be admonishing himself for what he was doing.
It’s been thirty minutes since Buck had left a package on Eddie’s doorstep. An amazon box with the clone of Buck’s cock nestled into the other toy’s packaging, leaving no hint of what it really was.
It’s been six minutes since Buck got back home and began to pace, his heart racing and debating turning right the fuck around and going back to Eddie’s to steal the package back.
It’s been one minute since Buck saw the three little dots bubble up on his text thread with Eddie.
[Incoming call from Eddie Diaz]
“Fuck,” Buck swore under his breath and with a shaky hand, answered the call and raised his phone to his ear.
“Hey, uh what’s up?” He was trying to sound casual. He’d even stopped pacing, instead sitting back on his chair, rubbing a sweaty palm against the denim covering his thighs.
“This is what you picked for a FIRST toy, Buck!?” Buck could almost hear the blush in Eddie’s voice. He was clearly a little embarrassed to be having this conversation out loud, despite having called him.
And fuck, Buck really hadn’t thought that through, had he? He knew he had a big dick, firehose and all, but he’d been so focused on making it happen he hadn’t thought about the logistics. Eddie had expected him to pick something that would be good for a beginner and Buck’s dick was very much not that. “Uh, shit, I uh. I must not have paid attention to the size..got the wrong one or something. I can uh. I can come pick it up and order you a different one. Sorry.” Buck knew he was talking too fast, and sounded too guilty, but he couldn’t help it. He was caught off guard.
“No! I mean. No. it’s. It’s okay. I was just…uh surprised? I mean Nick, he wasn’t..nearly this size.” And Buck was fucking preening. His chest was swelling with a sick satisfaction he didn’t deserve to feel. He almost missed what Eddie said next, “You think it’ll fit, though?” Buck nearly choked, having to pull the phone far away from him as he coughed through it, hearing a soft “Buck! Buck are you okay?”
“Sorry,” Buck croaked. “Choked on spit or something, but uh, yeah. It’ll fit. Just..will need uh more stretching and probably a lot of lube.” He could feel his blood rushing south, his cock starting to fill in his jeans. “You’d be ready for dick- I mean Nick!- after that.” That’s what Buck assumed this whole dildo conversation had been about. He’d wanted to actually sleep with the guy but wanted to be prepared.
“Oh, yeah I dunno. Not sure if I’ll see him again?” Eddie didn’t sound so certain, but it still made Buck’s heart swell.
“No? Why not?” Buck hoped Eddie couldn’t hear how hopeful he was. He’d even leaned forward in his chair, resting his elbows on his knees.
“I just don’t think he’s my type.” Buck’s dying to know.
“You sucked his dick, though?” He tried to sound very nonchalant and nonjudgemental. Because he wasn’t judging Eddie. He’d slept with too many people who were very much not his type to talk.
“Y-yeah, I did. I still can’t believe I did that. It was..very unlike me.”
“You said you liked it, though, yeah?” There was a brief second where Buck worried Eddie had been too drunk to consent because Eddie did sound a little tipsy on the phone call, but Buck had always assumed that was just him being dickdrunk.
“Yeah..” Buck could hear Eddie let out a breathy chuckle, “Yeah, I did. Not necessarily because it was his dick, though. Just..well, just that it was a dick.”
“Right, that makes sense. Do you know what your type is?” Please, please, please.
“Oh. Um. I think i’m..still figuring that out. Bigger than me.” Eddie clears his throat and Buck hears rustling that sounds like Eddie’s sheets. The satiny ones that looked expensive. Had Eddie been in his bed this whole time? That was not helping the aching hard-on trapped in Buck’s jeans at all.
And then the words sank in. Bigger than him. Buck was bigger than him. And that hope was swelling in his chest again, but he had to act cool. This was probably nothing. “Yeah uh it can..take some time to figure out. Guys and all.”
“Right. So. Fuck, this is embarrassing. Can..can you talk me through this? It just seems like…a lot.” The sounds of the packaging being torn open go right into Buck’s head and down to his cock.
“Uh..like..what do you mean..talk you through it? Like uh while you’re..doing it?”
“I shouldn’t have asked that, Buck. Sorry, I don’t know what came over me. That was..really really embarrassing. Yeah. I think. I think I’m gonna go.”
“Eddie wait no! I will, I’ll do it! I said I’d help you on this uh journey and I meant it.” Buck couldn’t talk fast enough. This opportunity couldn’t slip out of his hands, he needed to take it and give it his all. If this was the only opportunity Buck would get to try and get Eddie out of his system he was going to seize it to the fullest.
“Look Buck, I appreciate you trying to spare my feelings here, but please don’t let me make you uncomfortable.”
“Hey, no, no. Not uncomfortable. I’ll be glad to help. Always, whatever it is, Eds.” And god, he meant it.
“Thanks, Buck.” And there’s more rustling and a drawer opening. “I don’t..how do we start this?”
“Let..let me lead? Just..just tell me if there’s anything you don’t like, okay? I’ll try and help.”
“Okay.” Eddie sounded like he was on speakerphone now.
“Lay down with a pillow under your hips. The thick one with the blue pillowcase, not the white one.” Buck pauses, listening to the movement over the phone as he makes his way to his bed, just like Eddie is. “You should get hard before you start, makes it all easier. But you know that, yeah?” Buck can’t get his pants off fast enough, stumbling a little bit as his feet got caught in his jeans before laying back on his bed, his cock hard against his stomach.
“M’already hard,” comes a low murmur from Eddie.
Buck lets himself fall into it now, eyes closed as he imagines what Eddie looks like, laid out on his bed, pillow under his hips and his cock hard and dripping. “Yeah? Guess you do really like dick, hm?” Buck teases, the words slipping out before he realizes it. He almost apologizes but Eddie fucking whines in his ear, a desperate high keen. Oh, he liked that. A soft laugh passes over Buck’s lips before he continues, with confidence now. “We’ll get you there. Are your nipples sensitive, Eddie? Run your nails over them, down your abs.” Buck hears Eddie gasp and a smirk tugs at his lips, his free hand reaching down to stroke himself once, twice, before squeezing tightly at the base. There was no way he was going to come before he got to hear Eddie.
“Don’t touch your dick. This is about your ass, right? Gotta open you up for that toy, hm?”
“Yeah, yeah, can I start?” Eddie already sounds breathless. Buck’s never heard anything more beautiful.
“Start what, Eddie? Tell me what you want.”
“Can I..Fuck, can I put my..fingers..in?” Oh, how Buck wished he could fuck that catholic shame in his voice right out of him.
“Start with one, yeah, and use plenty of lube. You’ll need it later.” Buck can hear the little snick as the bottle of lube opens and he can hear the moment Eddie sinks a finger past his rim. A soft little sigh of contentment. “Good boy, go slow, you’ve gotta take your time.” Buck wants all the time he can get. Eddie moans and Buck’s sure it was right after he’d called him a good boy, the knowledge makes his dick twitch in his unmoving grip.
“Need more, please.” Eddie’s asking for permission again and it stirs something dangerous to Buck.
“More? More what? You wanna move harder? Or do you need another finger, baby?” The pet name slips out, but Eddie doesn’t seem to mind and Buck sure as hell isn’t going to bring attention to it. Not with Eddie currently whining in his ear.
“Yes. Both. Anything, please.” God, he’s so fucking needy and Buck can’t resist.
“Alright, Eds. Get another finger inside that ass of yours. You’ve done two before, yeah? Just two?”
Eddie’s so vocal, not like Buck had expected. He’s not loud, but he’s all whimpers and soft moans and sharp gasps. He hears the soft moan as Eddie works a second finger inside himself. And he can tell by the sharp gasp the moment Eddie’s fingers brush against his prostate.
“Th-three.”
Buck’s stroking his dick again, trying to keep his voice steady. “Yeah? Did you like the stretch?”
“Uh huh, yeah, yeah.”
“Such a greedy hole you have, hm? Spread those fingers, get yourself ready for the third.”
“Yeah, yeah, m’ready, want it now.” His voice sounds wrecked, cracking as he whines and Buck’s in heaven. Well, surely there’s a special seat in Hell for him because of this, but it’s his own personal heaven.
“Mm, not yet. You still hard, Eds?”
“Yeah, so fucking hard, I’m leaking, Buck.” He gasps out Buck’s name, surely another brush against his prostate, and Buck’s eyes roll back.
“Poor thing, maybe I should let you have that third finger now, hm?”
“Please, please, yes.”
“Alright, alright, go ahead. More lube, though. Don’t rush it.” As much as Buck can’t wait for Eddie to be pressing that (his) fake dick into himself, he doesn’t want him to hurt himself.
Buck hears an exasperated sigh over the phone, but it’s followed by that telltale lube cap pop and Buck grins. “Good boy.”
Eddie’s moaning again, louder this time and Buck’s not sure if it’s the praise or if he’s gotten a third finger inside himself. Either way, Buck wants to hear it again. “That’s it, let me hear you, let me hear what you like.”
“Feels good, so good, but I need. I need more.”
“Come on, Eddie. Fuck yourself on those fingers for me, yeah? Gotta open up that greedy hole of yours.”
God, Buck can hear the thick squelching of lube as Eddie pumps his fingers in and out of himself, none too gently, either. Buck would scold him for pushing too far, but Eddie’s moaning like crazy. Short, gasping moans mixed with long whines and quick curses.
“Buck i’m ready, fuck please please please.” Eddie’s so lost in pleasure Buck doesn’t know if he even knows what he’s saying anymore.
“Eddie, Eddie. Stop.” The word is commanding and he can hear sound cease across the line. “Get your fingers out, Eds. Gonna lube up that toy while you get your head on straight.”
“Fuck,” Eddie swears softly. “Yeah, yeah, good-good call.”
Buck listens intently to hear when Eddie lubes up the toy.
“Still good?” Buck asks, hopeful.
“So good,” murmurs Eddie back.
“Alright, then let’s get that toy lined up with your hole, yeah?”
Eddie groans.
“Don’t push it in yet, just press it a little, feel it start to tug you open.” Bucks got his fist clenched above his aching dick, pressing against where his fingers are curled against his palm.
“Fuuuck, yeah, yeah it feels good.”
“Just the head now, Eds.” Buck’s voice has gone so low he almost doesn’t recognize it.
“Oh, fuck!” The thick head of Buck’s cock pushes up into his grip and stills, mimicking Eddie.
“Tell me how it feels.”
“So good, burns a little, but in a good way. Feels so big.” Oh, this was dangerous for Buck’s ego.
“You want some more of that big dick, Eds?” If Buck wasn’t careful he was going to get carried away.
“Yeah, yeah, want it all.”
“Fuck, Eddie. You are such a cockslut. Go ahead, push in, slowly. Don’t fuck yourself with it. And it’s okay if you can’t fit it all.” Buck was so close to babbling now.
“Fuck, fuck, yeah oh that’s so good, fuck it’s so deep. Oh my god! Fuck, fuck it’s. I’m. so full.” It was Eddie’s turn to babble and Buck brought his grip down over his cock, squeezing at the base again, pushing off the orgasm he was desperate for at this point.
“How much did you get, Eds?” Buck asked, his own curiosity taking over.
“Mm, s’all in.”
“Oh fuck, Eddie. Jesus. You were really made to take dick, weren’t you?”
The moan that Eddie lets out should be illegal, holy shit.
“You can start to move, short movements.”
There are little “uh, uh, uh,” noises getting punched out of Eddie and Buck can hear the lube again. He’s stroking himself the same, short quick movements at the base of his cock.
“You want more?” Buck asks, breathless.
“Yeah. Want. Harder, fuck.”
“Go ahead, Eds. Take what you need.”
“Yeah, yeah, fuck, fuuuuck so good. Fuck me. Oh god.”
“God, you’re taking my dick so fucking good, aren’t you, baby? God, knowing you can take all of me. Fuck it’s so hot.” Buck’s babbling, fisting his cock feverishly as he realizes what he’s said. But he can’t speak, Eddie’s letting out the filthiest moan Buck’s ever heard in his life.
“Fuck, Buck, I’m coming, FUCK!” And Buck’s following him with a groan of Eddie’s name.
There’s nothing but silence and heavy breathing for a few long minutes. Buck’s already wishing it had been longer, that the moment hadn’t passed already, that this wasn’t going to change things. There’s cum cooling on Buck’s stomach, but he can’t seem to move.
“Holy shit, Buck.” Eddie’s the one who speaks first.
“Y-yeah..”
“So, your dick, hm?”
“Eddie..” Buck doesn’t know what to say. He crossed the line.
“It…could be, y’know.” Eddie’s speaking so softly that Buck isn’t sure if it is real or the fantasy Eddie in his mind.
“Wh-what?”
“It could be you…next time.”
“Really?”
“Yeah..I..yeah. Want it to be, actually. Uh. I think… I’ve..had feelings for you for a while now.” Buck’s floating on air. Holy shit he must be dreaming.
“Yeah, same.” Buck can’t say it fast enough.
“Wait, yeah?”
“You…came out to me and I had a crisis. A very selfish, very..just a crisis. It wasn’t..Tommy. It was..that.”
“Well..stop having a crisis and come fuck me. Wanna see if those firehose rumors are true.” Eddie’s so casual and so..BuckandEddie.
“Well. Uh. Fuck, about that. The..toy I sent you…Is..it’s a mold of my dick.” Buck braces for Eddie to scold him, but he has to be honest.
“Are you serious, Buck?!”
“I’m sorry! I don’t know what came over me!”
“No I mean seriously your dick is this big?”
“Eddie,” Buck can hardly get the word out without laughing. “I mean, yeah, i guess it is.”
“Come over. Please?”
“I hit the nail on the head with the cockslut comment, didn’t I?”
“Shut up and come fuck me.”
“Alright, alright, be patient. I’ll be over soon.”