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“Elliot!”
Olivia screamed his name as she watched the bullets rip through his chest and his body hit the floor. She couldn’t run to him immediately, as they still didn’t know where the shooter was hiding.
She couldn’t see him, his body had fallen behind one of the crates in the warehouse that they had been using for cover. The call had come in that a man was holding a young girl in that abandoned warehouse. Benson, Stabler, Munch and Tutuola had arrived at the scene, donned protective gear and entered the warehouse, splitting up, two going high, Munch and Fin, and two going low. The sound of gunfire filled the air and each had taken cover, and in the brief moment that Olivia had lost eye contact with Elliot, is when disaster struck.
The smell of rust and iron filled the air and Olivia knew her partner was running out of time. Benson tried to control her breathing, listening for sounds of the child being held captive or movement of the shooter. Her hands were shaking as she finally heard the fall of footsteps on her left side. She stood and swung her weapon towards the sound of the movement. The faceless man turned in her direction, raising the weapon again. Olivia fired, her hands no longer shaking.
The rest of her time at the warehouse is a blur. As soon as the subject dropped to the ground, Olivia rushed to her partner.
“El,” she said, seeing the blood pouring from his stomach and from a wound near his shoulder, the bastard had managed to miss the bulletproof vest completely. She went to work applying pressure to the wound on his stomach. She remembers screaming for a bus and two hands appearing and putting pressure on the shoulder wound, Fin. She watched the rapid rise and fall of his chest before she heard sirens. She felt Fin pull her away from Elliot when the paramedics couldn’t get her to move so they could help him. She watches as they put him in the back of an ambulance but refuse to let her ride with him. She hears Fin telling her that he would drive her to him as soon as they could but they couldn’t leave yet, she had shot a man.
“The girl?” she remembers asking.
“Found safe.” Fin replied.
“Good,” Olivia said. She moved away from Fin, looking for a dark corner to wait for IAB to arrive. She needed to be alone for a minute. She needed the release of crying without being seen as weak by a male dominated profession. She needed to find the strength to get through the next hour until she can see if Elliot is alright.
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The waiting room was crowded, filled with squad members and other members of the NYPD, waiting to hear about their brother in blue. In the corner sat Kathy, surrounded by her children. Olivia walked into the room, with Fin at her side, her head hanging down. The room grew silent at her appearance. Kathleen rushed over to Olivia throwing her arms around her and began to sob.
Olivia raised her head, rubbing Kathleen’s back, as she locked eyes with Kathy. Fire flashed in Kathy’s eyes as she stood up and walked over to Olivia and Kathleen. With gentle hands, she moved Kathleen away from Liv and stood in front of her. Looking Olivia dead in the eyes, she raised her hand and struck the other women across the face.
“This is your fault!” Kathy screams, raising her hand to strike Olivia again. Fin, Munch and Cragen all stand to stop Kathy but Olivia raises a hand to stop them.
“Kathy,” she begins.
“No! Don’t speak to me!” Kathy’s hands trembled. “It was your job to keep him safe! I only tolerated you in his life because you protected him.”
“I,”
“I don’t want to hear it!” she screamed. “I want you out of here, you bitch! Stay away from him and my family.”
“Kathy, they’re partners,” Cragen tried to calm the woman down.
“I’m his partner!” she continued to scream, Olivia too stunned and broken to even respond. “She is just a homewrecker. A bitch who kept him away from his family!” Kathy pushed towards Olivia again, getting up in her face. “Just know that when he dies, it will be completely your fault.” She moves to hit her again, but Kathy is grabbed from behind by Dickie.
“Mom, stop,” he cries, “this isn’t helping.” A nurse finally comes into the room to find out what the disturbance was. Kathy looks at her one last time and then turns to face the nurse.
“I want Olivia Benson banned from my husband’s room.” She could hear the grumbles of the men her husband works with behind her. “In fact, I only want immediate family here. Please ask them all to leave me and my family alone.” The nurse nodded and the others in the room stood to leave.
“Come on Liv,” Fin whispered in her ear, a light grip on her elbow to guide her out of the room. Kathy watched her leave the room.
“This is all your fault, Olivia,” she called after her. “You ruined him.”
As soon as they are out of the room, Olivia shrugs Fin off.
“You can’t listen to that babygirl,” Fin said. “You know that nothing she said was true.”
“Do I?” she asked, spinning on him. “What exactly did she say that wasn’t true?”
“This wasn’t your fault.”
“I was supposed to have his back!” She cried. “How many times was he stuck with me instead of with his family?”
“It’s the nature of the job Olivia,” says Cragen, resting a hand on her shoulder.
“That's what we tell ourselves but is it really true?” she asked, looking off into space. “There have been plenty of times that we could have called it quits early but chose to work instead.” She moves away from the men and heads towards the exit. With her hand on the door knob she turns to look at Fin, Munch and Cragen.”
“I failed to do my job. I failed to have his back,” she said as tears ran down her face. “There was never any sex, never a relationship and I still took him away from his family. I’m a homewrecker.” She pushed open the door and walked out of the room. No one followed her.
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Olivia didn’t know where to go. She wandered the streets of New York aimlessly, her thoughts consumed by her partner and his family. Thick tears a constant presence on her face, she was an easy target for any criminal on the New York streets. Liv was not sure how she ended up sitting at home on her couch, the silence of the room filled with the echoes of the gunshot and her own dry sobs, the tears had dried up hours ago. She watched the shadows cross the walls as the light fades from the room. She sits in the darkness, refusing to eat or drink, just replaying the events of the day.
Her cell phone sat next to her. She set it to silent because the constant ringing was putting her further on edge. She watched as it lit up with Fin’s name, and Munch a few times. Cragen had called once but Olivia didn’t want to hear from them. The only person she wanted to hear from was still in surgery and as far as she knew, still alive.
She was alone, and she had convinced herself that she wanted that in her life. Olivia was too dedicated to her work to build relationships outside of the office. But the silence of the apartment haunted her now. It taunted her of a life not lived, a family that didn’t exist. Maybe that is why she relied so heavily on Elliot, his family and their connection. Maslow says that family, friends and intimacy are part of human needs, things that people need to fully realize the human experience. Olivia had spent her life missing a family connection, her needs never having been met.
Her phone lights up again. Olivia was ready to silence the call when the caller id showed a name that rarely called her phone. With a shaky hand, Liv accepted the call.
“Kathleen?” she asked, her voice hoarse and weak from her hours of crying.
“Liv,” she whispered. “Mom doesn’t know I am calling, so I have to be quick.” Olivia held her breath waiting for the news that was important enough to risk her mother’s wrath. “He survived the surgery but hasn’t woken up yet. The doctors think he will wake up sometime tonight.” Olivia could hear Kathy calling in the background. “I’ve got to go Liv, I just thought you should know.” The phone disconnected before Olivia had a chance to respond. She released the breath that she had been holding. He was alive. He was going to wake up. Now Olivia would do her job and protect him the way she should have always protected him. Olivia would prove Kathy wrong and return Elliot to his family where he belonged. Olivia would take herself out of the equation.
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The steady rhythm of the machines in the room grounded him, telling Elliot that he was alive and in the hospital. He was blinded by the bright overhead lights when he opened his eyes. A hand grips his tightly and he turns his head towards the sleeping women clutching him. A smile comes to his face but doesn’t quite meet his eyes. He would never admit it out loud, never tell anyone except his priest in confession, but as much as he loved his wife, he was disappointed to see blonde hair instead of brown.
“Kath,” he whispers, running a finger down the side of her face. She startles and sits up, smiling down at her husband.
“Hey, you're awake,” she leans down to kiss him gently on the lips. “I was so worried about you. How are you feeling?”
“I hurt, but nothing I can’t handle,” he said, trying to shrug before he realized his shoulder was wrapped up and arm in a swing.
“Well you are going to take it easy for a while while you heal,” Kathy responded, fluffing his pillow. “The kids are outside waiting to see you.”
“Is Olivia here?” he asks, worried about his partner. Kathy didn’t answer and Elliot began to panic. “Is she ok? Was she injured in the warehouse too?” Elliot didn’t notice the way Kathy stiffened at Olivia’s name, or how she refused to look into his eyes.
“Olivia is not here,” was all she would say before changing the subject. “I am going to have the kids come in and sit with you while I find the doctor and find out when they think you can go home.” Kathy hurried out of the room, not giving Elliot a chance to ask any more questions.
Elliot rested his head against the pillow, his brow furrowed. If Olivia was ok, why wouldn’t she be here? He knew that if she had been injured, he wouldn’t have been able to leave the hospital without seeing her and every time in the past he had landed in the hospital, she hadn’t left his side. The more Elliot thought about it, the more he knew that something was wrong. Even if Olivia wasn’t here, shouldn’t someone from the 1-6 be here?
“Dad!” Lizzie exclaimed as she came into the room, followed by a hoard of siblings. In turn, each of his children came and kissed him before settling around the room, either in chairs or sitting at the edge of the bed.
“Are you ok Dad?” Maureen asked. “I know you won’t tell us what happened.”
“I’m going to be fine, don’t you worry,” Elliot said, reassuring his children. He looked between his children and could tell they were hiding something from him, each looked like they had taken the last cookie from the cookie jar and were trying to blame each other. Panic began to rise within Elliot. There was one person he still hadn’t seen yet and his anxiety was beginning to rise. “Have any of you seen Liv?’ Elliot watched as his children exchanged looks with each other. “I’m starting to get worried. What’s going on?”
“I told you Olivia isn’t here,” Kathy said, coming back into the room. Elliot could hear the frustration in his voice. “She’s fine, there’s no need to worry about her.”
“What about Cragen, Munch or Fin? No one is here?”
“They are back at the precinct,” she answered. “I am sure they had a lot of work to do.”
“This doesn’t make any sense,” Elliot said, shaking his head. “Where’s my phone? I need to call Liv and check in.”
“No,” Kathy snapped, anger filling her voice. “You need to rest. Your family is here. That’s all you need right? Your family by your side?” He looked around and no one was meeting his eyes.
Elliot hesitated before answering. He knew something was going on but he also knew now was not the time to push the issue. “Of course, babe.”
“Good, well the doctor is going to release you to us this afternoon.” Kathy said as she moved into the room. “Maureen, drive your siblings home and start dinner, there is chicken defrosting in the refrigerator. I’ll stay here and bring your father home in a few hours.” Kathy was anxious to get her children out of the room before they brought up Olivia again. That was a conversation for later. The Stabler children stood up to leave the room and one by one said goodbye to their parents. Kathleen stood at the doorway looking at her mother and then her father. Kathleen looked like she wanted to say something but her mother glared at her and shook her head. Kathleen sighed and left the room.
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Olivia couldn’t sit in the apartment any longer now that she had made a decision. Once the sun had risen high enough in the sky, she put on sweats and her running shoes and went for an early morning run. The cold morning air stung her face as she moved, keeping her awake even though she hadn’t slept the night before. Olivia tried to clear her mind, focusing only on the pounding of her heart and the sounds of her feet hitting the pavement. She stopped after a few miles, breathing hard with a stitch in her side. Trying to catch her breath, she moved to the edge of the sidewalk to stretch her legs.
“Hey Detective,” she heard a man call from behind her. Looking around, Olivia realized that in her aimless running, she had headed towards a sidewalk coffee cart her and Elliot would often visit. “You want the usual? You and the partner?” Just the mention of Elliot crushed Olivia as she shook her head.
“Not today, Stan,” she managed to say before running again, determined to out run the tears.
The previous night had been a turning point in Olivia’s life. She had gone to a dark place, and in her grief, considered things that she had never thought possible. She had always considered suicide a self act while Elliot would preach it as a sin, but for the first time in her life, Olivia could understand why people performed the act. She thought about her mother who had buried her pain in a bottle, who had never been able to find a connection with anyone. And she thought about Elliot.
She was in love with him. Olivia Benson had fallen in love with her married partner, something she had sworn to herself would never happen. Kathy was right, she had failed him by not keeping her emotions in check. But she wouldn’t hurt him or his family any longer. She would leave. She would miss the noises of the city or the hussle of the 1-6 but she could no longer sit on the sidelines of his life. Olivia needed to leave to find her own place in the world and find someone who would love all of her.
Olivia had an appointment with IAB to finalize the details from the shooting the next day. She would spend today trying to decide where she was headed. Tomorrow, she will turn in her badge and gun and start her new life.
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Elliot laid in the hospital bed, alone for the first time all day. Kathy had finally left a few minutes before to get some coffee and something to eat after the doctor told them that he wanted to run a few more tests on Elliot and it would be a few more hours before Elliot was released. A knock at the door startled Elliot from his thoughts.
“Excuse me, Mr. Stabler?” a nurse said, sticking her head into the room. “I know your restrictions say no visitors but there is a detective here asking to speak with you.”
“No visitors?” Elliot questioned. “I never signed anything saying no visitors.”
“Your wife did,” answered the nurse. “Should I send the detective away?”
“No, it's ok, please send them in,” he answered. Things were still not making any sense but maybe he would finally have some answers. The nurse stepped out of the way and Fin Tutuola walked into the room.
“How you feeling, man?” said Fin in greeting.
“I’ll live,” Elliot said, “Where have you been? I figured you guys just didn’t care.” He said with a smirk on his face. Fin was more than a coworker, the entire squad was family, brothers in blue. Even if he sometimes had inappropriate thoughts about a certain sister.
“Man, your old lady, kicked us out.” Fin said, sitting in a chair. “I had to wait for her to leave before I could try and get up here.” Fin leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees. “Have you heard from Liv?”
“No, and I am worried.” He said, shaking his head. “What happened? It doesn’t make any sense why she hasn’t been here.” Fin took a deep breath.
“I stayed with Liv at the scene. I watched her cry over your unconscious body, applying pressure to your wounds. She couldn’t ride to the hospital with you because she had to wait for the rat squad. Olivia shot the man who shot you.” Eliot tensed, and Fin raised his hand to placate him. “It was a good shoot. We found the girl that he had caged up. Anyway, I drove Liv here after all was said and done.” He paused and looked at Elliot, not sure if he was ready to hear the truth. “When we entered the waiting room, Kathy attacked Liv.”
“Attacked?” said Elliot, sitting up straighter. “What do you mean attacked?”
“Man, she jumped up and slapped Olivia,” Fin said, shaking his head. “Called her a bitch and a homewrecker.” Elliot tensed at those hateful words. “Kathy yelled at Liv that it was her fault you were injured, that she didn’t do her job in protecting you.” Elliot began to shake with anger.
“What did Liv say?”
“She stayed silent and took it man.” Fin shook his head. “I think Olivia believed her.”
“That can’t be possible,” Elliot said, shaking his head. “Liv knows better than that.”
“You didn’t see her face when Kathy banned her from your hospital room.” Fin hung his head. “You didn’t hear her as we were leaving. Olivia was talking crazy, said Kathy was right.”
“I need to call her,” said Elliot, looking around the room for his phone. Fin shook his head.
“I’ve been trying to call her since yesterday, but she's not answering.”
“I’ve got to go over there and check on her.” Elliot responded, trying to get out of the bed.
“You’re not going anywhere,” said Kathy, leaning against the door. “Detective, I thought I made it clear I only wanted family here.”
“Liv is family,” Elliot growled.
“Olivia is just a coworker and a bitch who needs to find her own family,” Kathy responded, anger coloring her tone. Fin stood up at that, finally losing his temper.
“I know you are going through some shit, but I won’t stand by while you insult one of my best friends.” Fin responded, his fists clenched.
“It’s time for you to leave, Detective Tutuola,” said Kathy, her arms folded. Fin looked over at Elliot and saw him filled with rage.
“Fine, I’m gonna head over and check on Liv anyway,” he said as he started to leave the room.
“Wait,” said Elliot, sitting up in the bed again,” I’m going with you.”
“Like hell, you are,” answered Kathy, trying to push him back into the bed but Elliot pushed her hands away.
“Fin, wait for me in the hallway,” Stabler said to his friend. “I’ll only be a minute.” Fin nodded, casting a dirty look at Kathy, and left the room.
“El,” the nickname raised the hairs on the back of Elliot’s neck. It had been a long time since he had heard that name from the lips of his wife. That name belonged to Liv.
“Stop,” he said, standing up from the bed.
“Elliot, get back in bed,” Kathy said. “This is ridiculous. Get back into bed.” Elliot didn’t look at Kathy as he stood up and started to put on the clothes that Kathy had brought him to wear home.
“What the hell is the matter with you?” Elliot asked as he buttoned his pants, a difficult task since his arm was still in a sling, before turning to look at Kathy. “Why would you say those things to Olivia?”
“WHAT’S THE MATTER WITH YOU ELLIOT?” Kathy screamed, “YOU WERE SHOT! YOU COULD HAVE DIED!”
“Kathy,” he said, pinching the bridge of his nose. “You know that’s the job.’
“It’s always the job.” She said, her arms crossed. “The job and Olivia.”
“I can’t keep having this same fight with you.”
“So what now?” Kathy asked. “You’re just going to run off to her.”
“I have to check on her after what you did.” He said, putting his watch on.
“No, I’m putting my foot down. It’s time for you to choose me and your family or her.”
“All Olivia has ever done is take care of me. She has watched my back. Worked overtime so I could be with our family on holidays and birthdays.” Anger was rising in his voice and turning to face Kathy. “She sent me home more times than I can count to you and at times it seemed like she was more invested in our marriage than we were. Why are you so jealous of her?”
“BECAUSE YOU ARE IN LOVE WITH HER!” Kathy yelled, her chest heaving.
“I have never cheated on you,” Elliot said.
“You won’t even deny it, will you? Kathy questioned but he didn’t answer. “I only put up with having Olivia in our lives because she kept you safe but now I want you to get a new partner.”
“I’m not getting a new partner.” Elliot said, his hand on the door.
“If you leave now, Elliot, we are done,” said Kathy. “I won’t sit around while you run around after another woman.”
“Goodbye, Kathy,” Elliot said, as he was walking out the door.
Kathy let out a primal scream as the door closed behind him. She collapsed on the ground sobbing. How could he leave her? After all the years she had given him, he had once again picked Olivia over her. Pain wrapped her heart and filled her stomach. It wasn’t fair, she shouldn’t be the only one to feel this pain, this loss. While still sitting on the ground next to his hospital bed, Kathy dug through her purse and pulled out her cell phone. Searching the contacts, she found the number she had only called a handful of times over the years. Sometimes, usually after she had been drinking and her husband was once again missing, she would call the number hoping to catch the owner off guard or out of breath, maybe hear her husband whispering in hushed tones in the background. She had never caught them but after her husband walking out on her a few minutes before, she was positive that Olivia Benson was fucking her husband. She connected the call.
“Kathy?” Olivia asked when she picked up the phone.
“We lost him, Olivia.” Kathy whispered into the phone. She wanted Olivia to hurt. To feel a small amount of the pain she was feeling right now. “Elliot’s Dead. You killed him, Olivia.” Kathy pushed the button disconnecting the call. She hung her head and cried.
“What did you just do, mom?” Kathleen asked, having just arrived at the hospital room and witnessed her mother’s act.
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“Elliot’s Dead. You killed him, Olivia.”
The words ran rampant in her mind. The cell phone was still clutched in her hand as she ran to the bathroom. She dry heaved, and probably would have vomited if she had eaten anything in the last 24 hours. Olivia fell beside the toilet, sobbing. She was too late. All of her plans to leave him and his family safe and happy were too late. She had killed her partner by not protecting him.
The phone in her hand continued to vibrate. Without looking at it, Olivia let out a gut wrenching scream and threw it against the wall, shattering it. Olivia stood up, placing both hands on the sink in the bathroom, looking at her face in the mirror. She looked broken, haunted by the man she had loved and failed. Anger flared up with herself and she struck out, hitting the mirror and breaking her image. She barely felt the dull ache in her hand as the glass cut her. Liv relished the pain, it let her know she was still alive, still breathing. She sat on the floor watching the blood flow down her wrist. Olivia sat on the cold bathroom floor watching the blood pool. She laid down, letting the cold floor cool her hot cheeks and cried.
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“She’s not answering her phone,” Elliot growled.
“We are almost there,” said Fin, maneuvering through traffic.
“Come on, Liv, pick up. Answer the damn phone,” he said, trying her phone again, but it went straight to voicemail. Kathleen had called Elliot only a few minutes before, letting him know what his wife, or soon to be ex-wife, had done. Elliot was desperate to hear from Liv, to make sure she was alright.
“You’ve got to relax, man.” Fin said, keeping his eyes on the road. “You should still be in the hospital. Liv’s strong.” But Fin had seen the look in her eyes when Kathy had verbally assaulted Olivia. He knew that Olivia had demons that she didn’t share with Fin but by the way Elliot was reacting to the lack of contact, he figured Benson had shared some of them with Stabler. The men pulled up in front of Olivia’s building, lucky to find a parking place on the street out front.
Elliot jumped out of the car and hurried to catch the front door that had just been opened by another resident as they were leaving. Fin caught up to him and the two men hurried to the elevator.
“Come on,” Fin heard Elliot whisper, urging the elevator to move faster. The elevator doors opened, allowing Fin and Elliot to reach Olivia’s door quickly. Fin pounded on the door.
“Olivia,” Fin called, loudly. “Open the door.” Elliot reached around him and pounded again.
“Liv,” Elliot yelled. “Liv!” Fin looked at him.
“You’ve got her key, right?” Fin asked. “Open the door.”
“My wallet and keys are still at the hospital with Kathy,” Elliot shuttered at the idea of having to go back to the hospital to grab his things. “Pick the lock.”
“I can’t pick the lock,” Fin looked at him sideways. “What do you take me for?” Fin was starting to worry for his friend. And the longer they stood there banging on her door, the more he knew something was wrong. He looked at the door, realizing that there was only way for the men to enter the apartment if she wasn’t going to open the door. “I’ll buy her a new door,” he said, stepping back. Elliot looked between Fin and the door before nodding.
“I’ll split it with you,” Elliot confirmed, stepping back also. With a swift kick, Fin kicked down the door, splintering the sides and breaking the lock.
“Olivia,” Elliot called, entering the apartment. The lights were off, the apartment silent. Fin entered behind him, also calling her name. The two men looked around the small apartment, sensing dread before noticing the light coming from underneath the bathroom door. Using his head to indicate the door to Fin, Elliot went to the door and knocked gently. There was no response, nor the sound of running water that would explain her lack of response if she were in the shower.
Elliot pushed on the door, thankful it wasn’t locked. The sight that greeted him would forever be burned in his brain until the day he died, an image that will continue to haunt him every time he closes his eyes for years to come. The first thing that registered was the red staining the floor. It was Fin’s gasp that caused him to push the door in farther and saw Olivia.
Olivia, his beautiful, fearless partner, with her head laying on the bathroom floor, surrounded by blood. She was breathing, he realized, relief flooding through his body as he reached her side.
“Liv,” he said, gently shaking her and she stirred slightly.
“I’m going to call a bus,” Fin said, stepping out of the room. Elliot looked around the small bathroom and saw the broken mirror. Carefully avoiding any glass, he reached over and picked up a washcloth. After soaking it with cold water, Elliot applied it to Olivia’s face in an attempt to wake her up.
“Oliva,” he says again. He pulls her head to his lap and begins to wipe the blood off her face. Elliot looks her over, checking for a wound. The blood seemed to have come from a gash on her hand. She looked pale but began to stir in his arms. Elliot figured she was weak from blood loss but a small part of him worried that she had purposely hurt herself. His heart filled when she opened her big brown eyes and stared at him.
“You were right, there is an afterlife,” Olivia said, reaching towards Elliot’s face before closing her eyes again, a small smile on her face.
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Elliot was back in the hospital, this time as a visitor, not as a patient. He sat by Olivia’s bed, staring at the stitches on her hand and the IV giving her a blood transfusion. She had lost a lot of blood, the doctor had said but her injuries were not life threatening, the wound had begun to clot on its own before Elliot and Fin had even arrived.
When the paramedics rushed Olivia into the emergency room, with Elliot running behind, he saw Kathy watching with a panicked look on her face. Elliot glared at her before following the medics as far as they would let him go. He watched the emergency room doors close as he felt her gaze on him and he knew she was standing behind him.
“What do you want, Kathy?” He asks, his eyes never leaving the door.
“Is she ok?” Kathy asked quietly.
“What do you care?” he spat out bitterly.
“I didn’t mean,” Kathy started to say but Elliot was in no mood to ease her conscience.
“That is a conversation for you and your priest, not me.” He sighed and turned to look at her. This was a woman that he once loved, the mother of her children. “I gave you my loyalty, my faith. I would have stood by your side until the day you died, but that wasn’t enough was it?
“No, it wasn’t,” said Kathy, resting a hand on Elliot’s shoulder. “Goodbye Elliot.”
He held Olivia’s hand waiting for her to awake. He refused to leave her side. Elliot knew that Olivia believed he was dead and he was damn sure that he would be here when she woke up to set the record straight. He hung his head and he prayed. Elliot played for his mistakes, and his sins. He prayed for the woman he loved and the demons that haunt her. He prayed for Kathy, and for their children, and for the future that was now irrevocably changed.
“El,” he heard her whisper. Elliot looked up and met bright brown eyes.
“Hey Liv,” he said, smiling at her.
“You’re alive?” she asked.
“I am so sorry Kathy told you that,” responded Elliot shaking his head. “She was angry and jealous.” Olivia nodded.
“She should be angry. You got shot, Elliot.”
“That wasn’t your fault.” Tears filled her eyes.
“I didn’t protect you,” she whispered.
“Liv, for Christ's sake, you can’t blame yourself when bad things happen.” he said, gripping her hand tighter. “Olivia, I have to know. Did you try and hurt yourself?” She shook her head.
“No,” she said. “I was upset, and I’ll be honest the thought crossed my mind, but I didn’t.” She looked at their joined hands. “I decided I am leaving,” she said with a soft smile, a tear slipping from her eyes and down her cheek.
“You don’t need to leave,” Elliot said, looking into her eyes. “I don’t want you to leave.”
“Elliot, it's for the best. Kathy was right. It’s time I leave your family alone.” Olivia said.
“Liv, you are my family.” Elliot said. “Kathy said those things because she was jealous.”
“Why would she be jealous?” Olivia asked. “I never did anything..”
“No Olivia, you misunderstood,” Elliot said, trying to calm her down. “Kathy was jealous because she knew I was in love with you.” Olivia gasped.
“”Elliot,” she said, confusion in her eyes.
“I am in love with you, Olivia.” He said, pulling her hand up to his mouth to place a kiss on her fingers.
“What about your family?” she asked.
“I’ll always be there for my family,” he said. “But what Kathy did to you was unforgivable.”
“Don’t give up your marriage for me, Elliot,” Olivia answered, shaking her head and trying to pull her hand from his grip.
“My marriage has been over for a while, Liv.” Elliot said. “You know that Kathy and I haven’t been getting along for a while.”
“Elliot,” she said again. She bit her lip and then looked into his blue eyes. “I love you, too.” A grin spread across his face. He leans in as if to kiss Olivia but she pulls back. “It’s too soon, El.” He nods in agreement.
“You’re right,” he says. “Can I stay with you for a while? We will both recover and then see where things take us.” She smiled at him.
“Of course, El. I’ve got you.”
“No Liv, we’ve got each other.”