Chapter Text
John had never felt like he was one of the lucky ones.
You know, one of those guys who always had everything going their way no matter what?
His father abandoned him and his mom, his mom didn’t date for a long time, he knew it broke her in a way as a child he didn’t fully understand until he became older and lost the love of his life.
She remarried eventually, John never took the man’s last name, the Winchester name and the journal were all he had left of his absent father.
He did wonder about him from time to time, he did the typical kid thing.
Was he bad? Did he do something wrong? He even thought maybe he should have picked up his toy cars like his father had asked, maybe then he would have stayed.
He knows better now, sometimes people just crack under the pressure of family life and the responsibilities that come with it all, he just up and left.
Life went on, he worked through high school and enlisted himself in the marines. He felt he needed to do something, he always had this feeling that there was something more for him, that he was destined for something.
Which to him was hilarious because he was a nobody, he was just some guy who worked and kept to himself.
That was until he saw her, Mary Campbell.
Now he wouldn’t say he hated her per say but he didn’t care for her either.
She wasn’t a bad person, just something about her that irked him, and he often rolled his eyes whenever he saw her.
Her and her family annoyed him, her fathers “I know more than you” attitude often got to him on the rare occasions he did see them in town.
Today though, something seems different, she seems…nice..somewhat sweet.
He honestly didn't expect to see her at the theater, the times he’s gone for the matinee or the double features, he hasn’t seen her here.
The Campbells don’t come into town for things like this, they keep to themselves on their farm.
“One ticket for The Poseidon Adventure please.” Mary pulled her purse open, rooting through it.
“That’ll be a dollar seventy hon.” the ticket keeper pressed on the button to push out a ticket.
“Shoot I left my wallet, I’m sorry about this.” Mary’s shoulders dropped a little, sighing in frustration.
He saw this as his chance, it was perfect, he was actually here to see the same movie.
“I umm I can pay for your ticket if you want. I’m gonna see The Poseidon Adventure too.” John wondered if she would say no, it's not like they had actually spoken to each other.
She smiled, eyeing him, and it made John even more self conscious over this decision.
“Yeah, thanks. I’d really appreciate that.”
And from there, as they say, the rest is history.
They stayed up all night talking, she didn’t press him for war stories, not like the way some people did.
He remembers when he thanked her for not asking, for just listening, all she said was.
“It can’t be easy dealing with what you saw over there, feeling how you feel. I understand.”
The haunted look she had, it was as if she had seen her own fair share of horror.
That worried him, she was a normal person.
Her father didn’t approve, John wasn’t good enough.
John knew he wasn’t good enough for anyone and hearing her father say it, well yell it in an argument over their relationship, it hurt more than it should have.
He still continued to see her, despite her fathers disapproval, he had a feeling Samuel knew they were sneaking around.
Mary was always being pulled onto work trips with her parents, which made him wonder how dangerous it was, farm/ranch life.
She came back from a trip with a couple of broken ribs and her arm in a sling.
“A wolf broke into the sheep enclosure, it’s honestly not that bad.”
And like a fool he believed her, he knew this couldn’t have been from trying to protect livestock.
He knew full well it wouldn’t have been from Samuel either, he may not like the man but he could see how overprotective he was of Mary.
Before he knows it they’re engaged, they’re married, they have their own home with a baby on the way and for the first time at age twenty five, he feels like the luckiest man in the world.
But all good things must come to an end.
They start fighting, not big fights,well not at first.
He knows he should be home more, but he feels as if something is keeping him away from his family.
He has black outs and Mary tells him it could be from his time in Vietnam.
Shellshock, PTSD, whatever you want to call it, he knows he has it, but it shouldn’t be affecting him this bad now years down the road.
At least that’s what he tells himself.
Horrible nightmares, mainly flashes of Mary dying, of his boys all grown up, dying right before his eyes.
He had to wonder if he’s cursed, cursed to be a shitty father and husband because he had a father who abandoned him and that is today’s current fight.
His drinking, his attitude when he drinks, the behavior, he can’t blame his father for this. He doesn’t even know who he is right now, his mind feels cloudy and his skin feels tight and uncomfortable.
As if he’s sharing his body with someone else.
“I swear to god John it’s like i don’t even know you anymore, it’s like you're a completely different person.” Mary always tried her best to hold it together, for them, for their little family.
She thought he was cheating at one point and he was surprised at how good she was at following him without him knowing.
She was disappointed to find out his late shifts were really just him at the bar drinking a good chunk of his paycheck away.
He left home a few times, each time he remembered how he felt when he finally realized his dad was never coming home and he didn’t want to do that to Dean.
Sam was only a baby, barely six months and all he knew was Mary and Dean.
Halloween night, he called her, he needed to fix this.
“Look, I know I haven't been the ideal husband and father. Saying I’m sorry doesn't even begin to cover it. I want to do right, for you and the boys. Please Mary, give me another chance.” he needed this chance, he needed his family.
Headaches and blackouts be damned, he’ll go to a doctor soon, but for now he needs his family.
Then Mary is gone, pinned to the ceiling and burning up , just like in his nightmares.
He’s in the interrogation room for hours while his stepsister and her husband have the boys.
“Ok so let me get this straight, you were gone for nearly a month, she said you could come back and what, you just decided to kill her?” the cop sighed, John thinks he’s seen him at the bar a few times.
“I didn't kill my wife! You’re not listening to me, she was pinned to the ceiling, she…she was just gone, there was blood and fire and she was gone.” John hadn’t stopped crying since they spoke to him at what was left of their home.
The fire broke out at three am, he was at the police station by four thirty am, it is now noon, and all he wants is to hold his boys.
His stepsister Marci is a godsend, her and her husband have a whole mess of kids and he’s grateful that she is letting them stay with her.
“Y’all need family right now John. You can stay here as long as you need.”
They stay a week, Dean hasn’t spoken a word, Sam cries so much, he and his brother in law fight because Dean won't let Marci and the kids be around him or Sam.
“That boy acts like a feral animal! He’s gonna end up hurting Sam or one of my kids.”
He knows for a fact that Dean would never hurt Sam, he’s just protecting him.
They keep to themselves, they’re practically in their own little world.
He ends up renting a motel room, taking the clothes she has given to the boys, he doesn’t want to take the money from her. He still takes it anyway, for the boys sake.
“Darren can be a horse's ass but if you and the boys need anything, I’m here John, you still have me.” Marci always meant well, he just didn’t want to keep imposing on her.
Being in town around people, that's hard. It’s hard to ignore the whispers, the stares.
“I heard he gutted her and set the nursery on fire.”
“I heard he was going to kill the baby and Mary tried to stop him and set the room on fire after snapping her neck.”
“They said the oldest boy saw it all, that's why he won't speak and John pulled him from the daycare. He’s afraid his son will say what really happened.”
He hated what their life had become.
He’s getting the boys in the car after a grocery run, just whatever basics they can use in the motel kitchenette when she approaches him.
“John Winchester?” a woman slowly walks up to him and the boys, a kind smile on her face.
“I’m not talking to reporters anymore or anything. I’m just-” he was cut off by her.
“I’m not a reporter, I am someone who can help you and protect your boys.” she kept a good distance, as if she was approaching a wild animal. “I believe you when you say…what happened that night, and I may have some answers for you.”
John looked at her, trying to get a read off her, she handed him a piece of paper with her name and address.
“Whenever you're ready, you and these handsome boys stop by. I’ll tell you everything you need to know.”
He looked at the slip of paper, Missouri Moseley.
“Oh and John, you might wanna think about switching motels, it’s not a good idea for you and the boys to stay. Gas leak. Some of the heaters are gonna be busted and the whole motel is gonna be filled with the gas.”
He was paranoid and didn't want to risk it, so he packed up and checked them out.
Later that evening as he was getting the boys out of the tub, he heard the fire truck sirens going off.
Dean instantly covered his ears and cried while Sam jumped at the sound, crying as well.
The next morning when he went to go pick up breakfast for the three of them to share he overheard some folks talking.
“I can’t believe it, they’re all gone?” a waitress asked as she poured one of the cops some coffee.
“Twelve dead. Apparently the heaters had been leaking gas for a good while, half the motel had reported feeling lightheaded or that there was something wrong and the owner said it was nothing,” the cop took a sip of his coffee. “Turns out the six heaters had all gone out one by one, it was just only in certain rooms that were affected by it. I’m telling you, the ones who walked away are the lucky ones.”
John never considered himself lucky, but maybe they were in this one instance.
Despite being distracted by what he overheard, he gets them back to the motel in one piece, thinking about the slip of paper.
He gets the boys situated for breakfast, Sammy is having a hard time eating since Mary passed.
She was nursing him and had already introduced some soft foods for him.
The best John can do is that powdered milk stuff the WIC office gave him and rip apart some pancakes for him to gum.
Once he cleans them up, he makes up his mind, he’s going to see Missouri.
He pulls up to the house, second guessing himself.
“What am I even doing here?” he leaned forward against the steering wheel, letting out a frustrated growl. He felt a little nudge, as if something was calling him to go inside.
He got the boys down, carrying Sam and holding onto Dean's hand as they made their way up the steps.
“Door’s open, come on in!” Missouri shouted from beyond the screen door. “I’m just getting some snacks for the little ones to keep them busy.”
John waited outside the door for a few seconds, taking in a deep breath before he opened the door and ushered them in.
“Hey! So glad y’all made it,” she got down to Dean’s level. “A little birdie told me you like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with the crust cut off, and that you and Sammy here like to eat bananas with a little cinnamon.”
Dean’s smile, god John will always remember that first smile in the weeks since Mary passed away.
“Would you and Sammy like to sit in the living room while me and your daddy talk?”
Dean nodded, grabbing Missouri’s hand as she led them to the next room.
“I got a baby gate set up, they won’t be able to leave the room, not that they would want to. I left it on pbs and they got plenty to keep themselves busy while me and you discuss what happened." She spoke to John as if they were old friends, as if this was a normal everyday visit amongst friends.
“How did you know about the motel?” he had to know, this made no sense to him. The foods the boys liked to eat he just assumed she was a mother herself. Those have to be common kid snacks.
“Is that what you really wanted to ask me? Or are we going to talk about what happened the night of the fire?” she signaled for John to follow her to a different room, it had a small table and it gave off a very relaxed feeling.
“I don’t really know what I’m doing here, I…I can’t talk about it again, just for someone to say I'm crazy or I did it.” He sat at the table, he was exhausted by it all. He just wanted his family to be whole again.
“Well I know you ain’t crazy, and I know you didn’t do it either. What I can tell you is there is something after you and your boys John.” Missouri took a seat across from him, she pulled a deck of tarot cards from the empty seat next to him.
Great, he brought himself and the boys to a kook.
“I am not a kook and I would expect you to at least give me the benefit of the doubt and hearing what i have to say before you try to run off.”
He looked at her dumbfounded as she lined up the cards, placing them in certain order.
“I didn’t-”
“You didn’t need to say it, I heard it just fine.” she wasn’t even looking at him, focusing as she looked over at the cards.
“Who are you? Why did you come up to me yesterday?” it was a little late to be asking that considering the boys were in the next room over and here he was.
“I came up to you ‘cause I know you need help. Not just dealing with what happened, you are looking for answers, and I can try to give you those answers but I need you to keep an open mind.” she looked at him in all seriousness.
John had heard of a few people who claimed to be psychic and it was all a scam, he didn’t get that feeling off her.
“You said you might have answers, what answers could you possibly have?” he was desperate, he needed someone to believe him.
Hell not even his own family believed him.
“The cards aren’t clear.” Missouri mumbled to herself as she cleared them off the table, she reached for John's hand.
He wasn’t sure what she could see, he remembers a girl he met when he was deployed who told him she could read tea leaves, she told him all she saw was death and heartbreak in his future. He naturally assumed she had meant because of him being enlisted that's all was left for him.
“Your whole life is full of pain, I’ve never seen this much for one person.” she gently let go of his hand.
He guessed that one girl was right.
“That night, I-I still don’t understand it, I-” he couldn’t talk about it again, the nightmares were bad. He hardly slept, he’d stay up most of the night just watching the boys sleep. The way Dean would curl protectively around Sammy.
He was tired of crying, tired of feeling this way, he prayed everyday that this was one long nightmare and he’d wake up soon.
John looked up at Missouri to apologize for breaking down when he noticed she was silently crying.
“You don’t have to tell me, I could see it all.” she handed him a tissue from the box nearby after she grabbed one for herself. “Do you think we can go to the house, if you can't. I understand, trust me I do.”
He hasn’t been in that house since it happened. They gave him permission to go in if he needed to grab anything for the boys and him but what could he possibly grab for them. What did they have left in that house? That shell of a home.
“I can ask my stepsister if she don't mind watching them.” He didn't have anyone else and honestly he cannot bring them back to that house.
“She will, she loves those boys, just be careful, someone is going to be calling CPS on you soon so you might wanna think about packing you and the boys up and keep moving.”
He couldn’t believe it, who would stoop that low to hurt him?
After the boys finished up their snack and he cleaned them up, he took them to his sister’s house, saying he wanted to look for photos, something for the boys to have of Mary.
“I have a couple of photos too. I’ll make a little scrapbook for you and the boys, it’s going to be so important for them. Especially Sam.”
Wasn’t that the truth.
Dean would have some memories, Sam wouldn’t have a single one.
He pulled up to the house, Missouri already there waiting on him.
John felt sick as he sat outside what was their family home.
The front yard where he and Mary chased Dean around, where they had countless picnic’s outside, barbecue’s, they even had Mary’s baby shower outside since it was such a nice day.
He eventually got out of the car, he wishes he could take it all back.
The arguing, the blackouts, he should have been a better father and husband.
“You don’t have to come inside if you don’t want to, you can stay out here and I can walk through, see what I can pick up.”
John looked up at the house, burnt and deformed, just like how he felt inside.
“No, I need to be here.” he took a deep breath, letting out slowly before he unlocked the door, letting them in.
Missouri held onto the door frame for a second, as if she was going to fall over.
“Are you alright?” John stood close by to catch her in case she fell.
“You don’t feel it? The heaviness?” she sounded out of breath, one hand on her chest. “It's suffocating.”
John honestly felt as if the house was colder inside than it did outside but nothing else.
Missouri slowly made her way in, walking straight upstairs, stopping in front of Dean’s room.
She turned to the door, slowly peeling the paint off it.
“How did she know to do this? How could she have known?” she mumbled to herself, John didn’t understand what those markings were hidden beneath the paint. She went down the hall to Sammy’s nursery and stopped at the door. She peeled at the paint and John noticed that the nursery door had a lot more markings on it than Dean’s ever did.
“She knew. She wanted to protect them but it wasn’t enough.”
“Knew what? What are you talking about?” He didn't understand the chicken scratch carved into the boy's doors. Something about them did feel familiar; he just wasn't sure why.
“There's something here, something evil, something that feels like it's locked away.” she turned to John, a worried expression on her face. “Y’all can’t come back here again. Whatever it was, whatever it is, it’s as if it's dormant, but it’s still trying to reach for you, for your boys.”
“Why us? I don’t understand what any of this means or what it even is.” John let out a sigh, he wanted his boys safe, he wanted Mary back. He just wanted things to be ok once again.
“There are things in this world that lurk in the shadows, that want nothing but to bring pain, suffering, death, and destruction. Things that are pure evil, and your family was chosen, for reasons I don't fully understand just yet.” She took a deep breath, John trying to process this. “There’s people I've come across in my time, people who seek out what’s out there, to protect us. They call themselves Hunters, your wife Mary, was more than likely one. These markings on the doors and —”
John couldn’t focus on her words anymore, it was all too much for him.
He couldn’t put it together how things that went bump in the night were apparently very real, and his wife was part of a community that stopped these monsters? Creatures?
“John! You need to take the boys and run, do you understand me?” Missouri had a hand on his shoulder, shaking him slightly, he hadn’t even realized they were now in what was left of Sam’s nursery. “It’s not going to end here, your wife knew something was coming, she wouldn’t have left these sigils if wasn’t worried.”
“I don’t know how to protect them, I couldn't even protect her, I can't protect them. I’m gonna end up getting them kil-"John felt like he couldn’t breathe, this can’t be happening, this is a dream. It has to be a bad dream and he just hasn’t woken up yet.
“You can and you will be able to protect these boys, I know someone I can put you in touch with, he’s a pastor over in Blue Earth Minnesota. His name is Jim Murphy, he’ll help you and the boys, he can probably help you a lot more than I can right now.”